AT THE FANCY DRESS BALL. trrcrorernble Waste. One mcrnln • I.', f. ihad rq. ;i, f Court to ilispe e , -t i- v.llli ns i.beru! a baud as it i, d—a '. vO-d o.t. It» cent« a pound a Citi—u stepped lutward urn! tearfully said: "O thou sou of wisdom, I want mini own and no mcie. A teller lu this tow« owes ..:■ i'll-- ks . ,! refuses tc «e'tle lip ’1“ i s ev< i It;:-, alened tt put a bead on me it 1 dun li..u ugaln!" "My subjects must not treat one an other thns,” said the Cadi us Uls fact grew stern. “He who contracts a just debt must pay it. even though he sell« the shirt off his back. By what uanM 1« this shirker aud reviler known?” “He is called Green, aud he is in th« ice business, O Cadi!" “What! A man in the ice busines« refusing to pay his honest dues! 11 seems incredible. Hast made no ml» take about Mr. Green?” “None whatever. O Cadi! He owe« me $4. and he will uot pay.” “Then 1 will make him eat a ton ol his own ice. und it shall be honest. weight at that! Thou cuust spread tlse news that 1 will do this. By the way. what is your name uud business?’’ “I am culled Consolidated, O Cadi aud I run a gas plant.” “Aud the Iceman owes you for ga< consumed ?” “That's the indebtedness. Sec! Here Is the bill. I knew that you were a just man ami would see me”— “Begone, caitiff—begone!’’ roar.d tlie ■ Cadi as lie threw up his bands. "As 1 ' told you before, I am on this earth tc s«e justice done, and when a gasman 1 complains of an iceman it Is carrying ' things altogether too far. The plumbei has ever overcharged me, and the ice man has given me short weight, l>u’ the gasman has billed me $3 for the I month my house was closed up tight a« j a drum. Go to, thou man of gall—gc i to!” , i ‘ & The utilization of what formerly wert <■ >m-idered waste products and the res nrraction of materials from a used up state to a new condition of service- a bleu -. The cost was G. îm »•» •:os- tertia. which would amount to .$212,.“»0d. A celebrated feast given by Vitellins. a Roman emperor of those days, tn Ills brother l.ncius cost a little mon* than $200,000. Suetonius says that th ' law quet consisted of dilfer. nt d*>a- of fish and 7.(00 diitcrent fowls L ksa R other cour s. Daublev—Now, Miss Blilyuni, bov ita you like— —that? "What was the coroners verdict?" asked the strar.ger of ths man jras returning from a lynching party. “Suicide." “Suicide!” “Yes. H- deliberately courted destruction. He let hisself got caught eheatin! in a pskei gonne.” Shlt’tlnK Eye«. No matter of what color, beware ot the eyes that have no desire to look you full in the face. There is Fume­ thing wrong be!.ln«l the shifting, un­ easy glam»», and the owner of such op­ tics will prove to he unworthy of Read well tiie signs, for if nttioha ep’uk evm louder than fictions, und t(> be forewarned is to be forearmed. ei’' ; t; n (lie A(ing*p. They fouml the bride in tears. “I cook pie? and things ¡hat are • i” • . \ ' h «■ ■ . : eat them,” she sf»l;l>: d miserably. “All. yon must hr.st in. ke h in hive you. Th«’ way to a man' stum.«< L is tli ‘< agh his heart.” they said, fur they w . tu worldly wLi ruck c < heeri’HL \ • i| t'i’.d y.»••!•■'.‘If reft« '.h»‘d by iiie pr • •'•:>(•»• of c I hk rful people; why not m • earnest efforts to c: rif. r that pleasure on other;? You will llnd that Inilf tin? battle is gained if you will nuv”i' allow yourself to say any th ing yloumy. Getting? Rack nt Him. * I’m afraid,” sahl the actor whin a cabbage camo within an Inch of his nos«*, “that sornebiMly in the and1 neo inis lost Ids head.” Boston Trans • The selfish, loving onl.y thenva Ivos, are ioved by no one, so selfishness la moral suleldo.—|>e Gaston LOVE’S LABOR LOST. HAP BEES THINKING SC BEES«.” ABOUT PM one eafenlngs. Dey vhas a committee Der chairman stands oop in my parlor und says to nte: “ 'Mr. Voglestein, yon vhas a man of brains und honesty und peesness. Dis committee vhas here to ask you to ruu tor aldermans of de Seventeenth ward if you vbill consent, we shall see det you vhas elected by 500 majority.' "Dot vhas a surprise to me. Hana, und for two minutes I can't speak Mother—There! I hope Tse In back. Den I pulls myself together und (Teased on your mind— suys: Willie— But It wasn't my nknri, ma.- “ ‘Shentlemens. It vhas some awful gan Francisco Kxaminer. honors you offer me. und I vbill accept und be your candidate. If I vhas elect­ ed. I shall try to make you der licet aidermans you ever bad.' "My speech vhas r< eelved mlt cheers, and I have my wire bring oop a pitch er of ice water, It vitas passed around, und den dot chairman stands oop cad says: Voglestein?* " 'Vhas dis “ ‘Dis vhas “ ‘No beer. “ ‘No.’ “ Den It p! you dit it y (F M I n<*i<* ti t n . An investigator who lived durin . years In a tomb at (lizeli coded« : ■ vr denee to | rove that the tools u I «n working stone 4,»id0 years ha jou- eled euttin.; edges like modern tools. He says that the builders of th pyra­ Mr. Johnslng- If Ah should kins yn\ mids used solid and tubula.r tools, Miss Vanilla, would yp’ call fob assist I straight and circular saws and many aiicc? Other tools suppi » d to be mod . m In Miss Vanilla -’Sistcnce! I>o ye’ tbinP. some specimens of granite a < Lad Ali need any ’s ist.”, ne»? to receive* uuuuiv. A cubic foot of new fallen snow weighs five mid a half pounds on the average and lias twelve tiuns tl-e bulk of an equal weight of water. i She U1<1 Ker Fart. 1 tnink a good deal, but I J«if a half sole to put on a shoe und don't say nottings. Mr. Voglestein walks around mid kicks things outer und den says: "Haus, somepody make a fool of me la church der odder Soonday, und I vhas mad about it. I don’t go to church pefore for thirty years, und I vhas like some greenhorns. 1 keep aw- fill still und don’t say nottings to no poily, und by und by a tnr.u coiiics Along mlt » box full of money. Vli.n be hands It out to me, I pellef ins mini's dot 1 shall take a dollar for my Wages hi e tiling to church, but I has no hog. If I take a quarter, dot vhas enough. Vlien I put It in my po< het, dot man gets red und white uud mad, und after church vhas out he comes to me und says: “ ’Vhell, of all der blamed old scoun­ drels I ever saw you take der cake!’ “‘How vhas dot?’ I says. “ ‘Why. you steal a quarter from der contribution box of der Lord.’ “ ‘But you pass der box to me.’ " ‘Of course, but it vhas to put money lu instead of taking money out. (Ilf me back dot quarter or I vbill raise some rows.’ “Vhas I to know how It vhas?” says Mr. Voglestein to me as he pounds on his knee. "If dot man vhants money vliy don't he say so? If he vhants to pay me. vhy don’t he say *u? vhas It dot folks can make sou« of me und not gif me a show? Uud be «humps oop und -inwu und «wears for life minutes und den goes borne M. QUAD. Tin Üangerou« Parlor \ tirici j-. Deopwater Bass—Why don't you work for a living? You look strong enongh. Wondering Wenkfisb — Sir, un fort n- nately I was born a weakflsh, New York Herald. She—How did Alice happen to marry that man with one arm? He—Oh, it’s Hint craze she has f’J remnants. She thought he must be » bargain.—New York Times. WlUlnir to Try, Bite—They say kissing Is dangerous Do you believe It? He—I don’t know. Let’« see. She—I like your impudence. IIow ever, In the cause of science I don’' know why I should take ofiem«.- Bgltimore Transcript, “You say that Scrabbles and yet play d in opposite roles on the nlglr be ran away with the box odice re ecipts. How was that?” "While I was appearing bo was dis appearing.’’—Baltimore Herald. her father's clerk?” un'Mtrstaud he win discharge If be didu''