e
WHEN I GET RICM’
NEW POSTAL CURRENCY
rich, oh. many thiugs VU
1O-,1 «**
4»;
folks whose Uvea are full
r«r
poor
h of«*' . drear. I’ll make so
rwir -W*- n°
sorrow.
no
l S*‘ rich:
f set rich the friend. I lore so dear
n> more tbu*e weary, toil-
. irTbek^kise with sunshine, and
-
t*1',h '•er* their pathway tairest
ffiIj scatter on
When 1 «»< Mcb!
Ube. PU
rich! Those friends you
MI, tt^’b’re! but far beyond the
4 .«e?kaow the hidden love that lire
& yo«r b-rt-.h! foolish, vain aur-
mise—
...
When you S**1 r^‘“*
eyerp sense awalrt
go catch the bcautg of
takeS<<
^uqset, the sui) a
fire.
Obff last flame of a souls desirt
yet rjot tyc last, for euar£ cloud
Is instinct
with new
neu> jo^s
— aHoiued:
’’
IsuncT will)
hi
G“
clouds confess
.^lories of tl^e rainbow’s dress
_ [cl, to all who see arijfyt
*$n of ^TuerlastinO JlQiobt I
¿pinset,at]d wfym tye sun i)as set,
¿©he l)eart seems clouded with rejr«t
^■dl.follouji^ tl;e lord of noon
♦
ffllt sot till rich, but haste to do it
writer sunshine—dry the falling
^bt'up'with hope the darkened hetrt
• od drear,
Ttut ms.' be near you-oh. ne er mind
the year
When yon get rich!
-Freeuian’s Journal.
H&R IDÉAL,.
. 1 J » « « r ■"
t
». . . a
E glanced out of the window nt
the gleaming avenue, and watch-
the snow-flake« hurrying to
Hud their places there, only to be re
stlessly trodden under foot by pass
(ne pedestrians; aud then he looked
bark agui“ ,0 the bright, girlish face
opposite him.
•Ideals are nil very well In tbelr
wjv." be ventured, lazily. “They af
ford pleasure. 1 suppose, to the person
indulging in them, undoubted nmuse-
meut to him who lias to hear of them;
1Dd. besides tills, they have two other
idrsutages. their harmlessneas, and
their convenient submission to being
/ J >7'
F
w
iJr
“Oh. I think you have heard enough."
"Yes. I believe 1 have; now I waut
you to listen to me for a few minutes.
Did you ever guess that in spite of a!l
my talkiug. 1 loo, had m.v Ideals?"
"Impossible," she murmured.
"And," lie continued, "w hat is more
remarkable. I have found mine.”
"Indeed!”
“Shall 1 describe her?"
"1 would rather not—that Is, It isn't
necessa ry.”
"No. I don't think it Is, but do you
believe there is any hope for me?"
Her face was ou tire, aud the hand
which held her needle trembled nerv
ously, but he persisted.
"Is there?” he repeated, gently.
She raised her bead and whispered
softly, "Perhaps.”
“But, Louise,” he protested, "my
eyes are gray."
"Are they?” she asked. In affected
surprise.
"And 1 thought you preferred light
hair.”
"So I do—for girls.”
"I measure six feet two.
"You don't look a bit over six feet
“And then, handsome uieu are bo
dreadfully conceited."
“Did 1 ever say I thought you hand
some?" she retorted.—New York News.
CHURCH OF THE ASCENSION.
What a New York Episcopal Congre
gation lias Done.
ous scale He Is now raising an en
dowment of $250.000 which will soon
be subscribed.
*
The congregation has given liberally
to aid and establish Episcopal mission
churches throughout the country. Un
der Dr. Thurston $275.000 was contrib
uted and distributed in this way. All
told over J3.00O.isi0 has been spent In
advancing Ep:scop<illanisiu in fields
apart from that occupied by the Church
of the Ascension.
VETERAN FIRE CHIEF DIES.
R. A. M ilHstns, \V ho Fought the Great
Ch lea go Con flag rut ion.
Rotiert A. Williams, chief of the Chi
cago Eire Department at the time of
the great tire iu 1871, died in that city
after an illness of
four weeks.
Mr. Williams was
proud of the fact
that he bad never
missed an impor
tant tire In Chicago
for more than fifty
years. Even during
the last few years,
when he was em
ployed in the Coun
ty Treasurer’s of
R. A. WILLIAMS
fice. he would slip
out whenever be heard of a bad blaze.
Directing the department at the time
of the big tire, bis report is among the
records of the Chicago Historical So
ciety. He was able to tell much about
It that never leund Its way Into print.
It was bls opinion that the tire would
have l>een confined to a tract two
blocks wide from the starting point to
the lake had not the manager of the
gas works at Market and .Adams street
turned th,- gas Into the sewers to avoid
an explosion.
The parishioners of the Church of tlie
Ascension. New York, recently cele
brated the seventy-fifth anniversary of
the founding of this society.
The
church is on Fifth avenue, where loth
street crosses it. and when It was lie
“IDEALS ARE VERY WELL IN THEIR WAY.
gun In 1827, this section was pretty
much given over to pasture and timber
twisted about to suit all circum land and the church was looked upon
stances.'
as an outpost of what might some day
She looked at him ns be finished be a part of the city. To-day this lo
DRUGLESS CURE.
speaking, aud be smiled at the indig cality is filled witli splendid «residences
Husband's
Announcement of His In-
nant flash of her eyes.
and great commercial buildings and
tention* Worked YVonders.
“Do you not agree with me. Miss the march of progress has made it
"John, dear," feebly called the inva
Louise?" he asked, good-naturedly.
down town instead of being the place
"You know 1 do not,” she exclaimed, where the pioneers used to retire early lid wife, who was supposed to be near
with warmth. “You ere only airing lest wolf and fox might waylay them ing the end of her earthly career.
"Yes. darling." answered the Borrow
some of your wretched cynicisms be- after dark.
ing husband. "What Is It?"
cause you know how I despise thëin;
Ascension Church has been fortunate
"When 1 am gone." she said. "I feel
as for ideals, I believe In them, and In Its pastors, but five serving It since
that
for the sake of the motherless
assertion
that
do not understand your
little ones you should marry again."
they will bear twisting about.”
"Do you really think It would be
"Perhaps 1 am wrong there; but, to
best,
darling?" asked the faithful John
bave
illustrate, I believe must girls
"Yes. John. 1 really do," replied tlie
tbelr ideal lover."
Invalid. "After u reasonable length of
He paused.
time you should seek the companion
"Well, go on." she said, coolly, "You
ship of some good woman.”
don't expect me to answer for more
“Do you know, m.v dear." said the
than one girl, do you?”
husband, "that you have lifted a great
"Certainly not,” lie resumed, ‘•but
burden from my mind? Now, there is
don't they generally declare that, if
that charming Widow Simkins across
that paragon neglects to appear on
the way; she lias acted rather friendly
the scene, tl.ey will never marry?’’
toward me ever since you were taken
"They may.”
ill. Of course, dear, she could never fill
“Now do you think this Ideal ever
your place; but she Is young, plump
comes?”
and pretty, and I'm sure she would do
"Of course I do." she answered, earn-
her best to lessen my grief.”
estly. "What would life be worth if it
"John Henry Jenkins!” exclaimed
did uot?”
the female whose days were supixxsed
"Has yours?" he queried, softly.
to be numbered, as she partly raised
"1 don’t see what that has to do with
herself up on the pillow, "If you ever
the matter.” she retorted, with dig
dare install that red-beaded, freckle
nity anil pink cheeks. "Let us keep
faced. squint eyed hilssey In my shoes
to the subject, please.”
I'll- I'll---- ” And then she fainted.
"Certainly. Well, granted that some
But the next day Mrs. Jenkins was
do appear at the proper time and In the
nble to sit up and two days later ■be
proper placj, you know that that is
was downstairs -Chicago News.
the exception. Now for the point of
my explanation: It Is very easy, is It
<-< m 1 Like Cold Water.
not. to cause your ideal to undergo a
A Christiania professor baa discover
change gradually, of course—until It
ed that at the Lofoten Islands cod are
becomes a reality In a form less per
invariably to be found In waters whose
CHURCH or TUI ascension .
fect. perhaps, more human than be
temperature Is always between four
fore?"
.ts establishment. The first was Ib v and five degrees above the freezing
"Some people may find It so. but not Mantor Eastburn, afterward made point Norwegian fishermen now make
many. 1 think.”
bishop ol Massachusetts; then Dr. use of the thermometer as a means of
"Would not you?” he asked, quickly. Gregory Thurston, who became bishop detecting the presence of the fish.
“Sime you Insist on being personal. of Ohio; lohn Cotton Smith was third
In every home there are disagreeable
1 may as well admit that nothing with a 20-year rectorship; Dr. Winches
tasks that are left for one person to
would induce me to alter my Ideal.”
ter Donald fourth, and Percy 8. Grant perform. For Instance: Who drown«
"I see there is no use In trying to
the present iacum.ient. under whom the kittens at your house?
convert yon?”
the church has attained Its greatest
"Not the slightest.”
Paint will make au old bouse look
vigor. There are over 1.000 communi
“The least you can do. then. It seems cants and tlie donations for church new. but It won't make an old womar
to me," he continued, "is to Introduce purposes are on an uncommonly goner- look young.
the gentleman to me. I am quite ready
to listen to a lengthy description.”
“Are you so much in need of amuse
ment. then.” she asked, reproachfully,
"after all my efforts to entertain you?”
“Go on." be commanded, with a
•ave of hla hand. "I am waiting.”
"Well, where shall I begin?"
"First, what does he look like?”
“I thought that was a girl's ques-
tton." she suggested, mischievously
Really I have not thought much aliout
I
. I
bls personal appearance, except that
be must not be handsome. Handsome
men are always conceited."
M sa Ixiuiae. excuse a personal qtiea
Hon. and one that has nothing wbat-
*T»r to do with the subject, but did
you ever hear any cne accuse me of
telnz well, passably good-lookingY*
__ e«. Indeed." she replied, promptly
Edith Harland assured me that you
'ere t,y far
hand*omest man at
hall, the other night, an<1 Alice
For the «i .rtaotsn there to rertain y ».«>■ •’ in« nnas isl sad attractive ia
Fort M yers,
• rnett admires you more than Mr
this «trina of ti«h. They are tarpus it it were recently reugbt off
“urtenay and you know every body
Ils. The "silver k a«" o the right * eigbed 180 pounds. while the snisiler
tovre over him: and Marie----- “
"bunch" averaged aearly UN posnfia. re< h. Alligator «booting a« a sport Is all
_
_
si «si treat
right in its way. bat the resi thrill of the tropire comre when a
T .it y 1| <Jo Proceed.”
leaps
«nt of ike water s«ain sod
Me
I
—
-
«ilver-finned
tarpon
St
the
end
of
the
H. be must be tall."
egtin in frnntte efforts to free .1» if fr V the book It <■ saywnere frota 9» te
»Id slz feet two salt you?"
■-û'p. " to"ôf'elé«7i "y fight M f >r 'e st the sad of ■ lise. Aleut
ne. too tall Mx faet s quite
(Bite
.»her it -1 of »-ton« ta Ftorida is with live but. bot the tarpus <sn be tabee
for hip ; AD<1 then. I prefer l!<bt
.rwaarilke sty e wirb . ly A rippie. . rem beyo.a .
rush. .
.òneri, i- i a dr«« of « ku.dred J.r 1. "T more of H.e, .nd the S«bt ts b.«n. It
and thrown eye«, and---- w Just
. , . -• ,a that reptares it. Pasts
F-rr My«H are the «rest wret
* P«.r of gray ones m< t her own.
co." "mu for th*. Lguihceat sp-L «»4 all ou«« k.ad. ri Ftond. .«« Uh
•rvl -a» stopped abruptly.
" tat I* U m mailer F*
auvnad tAara.
NOTABLE STRING Of BIG TARPON
CAUGHT IN RORIDA WATERS
deaths by lightning In the United
States, are certa uly of considerable
Hill Authorisim« the Issuance of Post
interest. The old quret.on used to b«
Check« for bmall >um*.
bow to protis t buildings against light-
A bill for the establishment of a pos-
nlug I ginning rods or noue. solid rods
tai currency has been drafted by the
or hollow rods aud ou the latter point
committee appointed to consider the
uteu like Faraday aud Sir WtUiam
question. It authorises the Postmaster buow Harris t ok opposite sides and
General to cause to be issued postal waxed wroth, each teibug the other he
cheeks of fixed denominations, not kuew nothiug about the subject. To
above $1. In even multiples of five and day little or uo attentiou is given to
ten canto. These are to be redeemable this matter aud it is generally realized
or payable at any money order post- that as regards where liglitniug will
office. A fee in addition to the face strike we must take our chances,
value will be charged for every check which, according to the statistics re
issued.
ferred to. are about one iu luo.tMiU of
It Is generally conceded that the pres being struck. The old idea that light-
cut postal mopey order system Is both nlng will never strike twice in the
inadequate aud inconveuleut, and Con same place has beeu pretty well ex
gress has Lu-eu attemptlug to |>erfect a ploded by the actual facts, aud there
design for curreucy Intended especially Is reason to assume that if lightning
for trausutisslou through the mails.. strikes a given point once It may he
The malu difficulty with the preseut expected to strike there again, rather
tnotiey order sys'em la that less than tliau at some other coatlguous place.
half the postoffleea In the country are
The theory of lightning Is now fairly
money order offices, and eveu at these
well established. It is suppos'd to be
such evidences of money cau only lie
due to the rapid condensation of tlie
xbtaluvd at the exjiendlture of much
minute drops of moisture iu the air.
time aud trouble aud duriug certain each of wItlch. under certain condi
specified hours.
tions contains a small electric charge.
The Committee on postoifices aud As these minute dro|m coalesce the
Postroads have bad before them a electric potential 1» lucreasetl. due to
measure providing a post check iu de the tact that the total superficial are*
nominations of $.’> and down' to the of the coalesced drops is less than
denominations of fractional currency. twice that when they existed singlv.
It was proposed to retire the five, two amt. as the electric capacity ts propor
and one doHar bills now Issued by tional to this area, the electric charge
the government and substitute the of the two drops ts now confined with
post check and make the latter the in an area of less capacity than liefore,
regular paper money for those denomi with tlie result that tlie electric pres
nations.
sure is Increased
lu this way. long
The proposed post check was nothing before the drops have attained a size
more than au ordiuary government note to be precipitated as rain, an electro
so printed as to permit its transforma motive force amounting to millions of
tion quickly Into a veritable check volts Is developed.
By affixing a stamp aud writing upon
While there Is no certain Immunity
provldetl spaces the name and address from lightning when It prevails, atten-
of the payee this note would become n tlon Is called to the grent desirability
money order, payable only to the payee of persevering In effort* to resuscitate
To forge the signature of the payee those w ho have lieen rendered insen
was made a penitentiary offense, same slble by lightning strokes as recover
as counterfeiting. As rapidly as the I ies have repeatedly been made of per-
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA-
RIOUS HUMORISTS
Plensaut Iscidrnt« Occwrrins lh«
W or Id Ov 1r s« > tuns t list ArsUbeer-
ful to Old or Y ou o M Eunn> is*dou
tions that You Will Enjoy,
"What broke up the ping pong social
down at your church last night?" ask
ed the youug man wl'h tbs clerical gar
ments.
’ Some unregenerate son of Belial."
said the second man in church garb,
"substituted eggs for tha balls.“—
Judge.
Site Knew a Tiling or Two.
She And am I really aud truly the
first girl you ever loved?
He Certainly. Aud am I the first
man you ever loved?
She The Idea! Don't I look to be
mow than 7 years of age?
I'.uot 1st leal.
Green I understand you are looking
for a donkey. I've got one for sale.
Brovin I Isiught one yesterday, but I
may want another soon.
Green —Well, any time you can use a
good one. dou't forget me.
Ml lu i.-..«.,rn
Higher Prices.
"How's this.'" asked the customer lu
the bookstore. "I.ast week the prices
on limon aud Laudi were only $1.25,
ami now you have marked them up
to $3."
"Well, you sie." explained the Issk
seller, "since the Mint 'Trust began cor
tiering supplies
"
But the customer Imrrled away to se
cure matinee seals for "A Texas Ste-.r"
liefore the prices «eut up at the then
1er, also Baltimore American.
SKETCH (>E ONE OK TIIK PROPOSED I'OSl CHECKS.
It Acts an Important Part In the Irri
gation of the State.
A little known but Interesting feat
ure of the natural water supply of
Texas Is tlie occurrence of unusual ar-
tesla n springs wuleb flow I rom the
rocks at the foot of the escarpment
which Istuiids the southeastern portion
of the Edwards plateau These waters
are found In springs nt Austin, in the
San Marcos lllver at Sun Marcos, at
San Antonio and elsewhere. They
Issue from the ground ‘u strong, gush
ing springs, and flow away in bold
streams which form the source of lakes
and rivers.
A careful study of their behavior
shows that their flow la not constant,
but fluctuates between a high and low
discharge. It has also been diacovere I
that these changes bear a remarkable
resemblance, both lu time and amount,
to the fluctuations of rainfall on the
Edwards plateau; the crest of the rain
fall curve over this region being follow
ed with great precision by the crest of
the discharge curves of the springs.
This similarity has been found to hold
true for dry and wet years alike. Tlie
Edwards plateau Is a flat, grass cover
ed upland. H.isNi square miles or more
In extent, Tile rain which falls upon
it does not flow off In surface streams.
but sinks Into the porous soil, and
eventually finds Its way underground
to the bold scarp line of the region,
where It bursts out in the abuudaut
springs.
'The San Antonio River has Its source
In one of these artesian springs and
between It and the wells driven to sup
ply water to the cty of Han Antonio
there swans to be close connection,
shown In their mutual changes, which
Indicates that their waters have a
It was recently no
common source
tlced that when the wells were steadl-
ly drawn upon for twenty-four hours
the water level of the head lake of tlte
river fell several inrhea, but that on
shutting off the wells the lake rega ned
Its level In about one day. Ho Inti-
mate la the relation between the flow
of the wells aud that of the river that
it la always poeslbla to tell how high
the water will rise tn the former by
otiserrlng the river's height on ■ gauge
rod placed upon Its laink.
The supply whl< h these springs add
to the State's water resources Is Im
portant and the division of hydro
graphy of the United States geological
survey, through Professor T. U. Tay
lor of the University of Texas, is mak
ing a study of their occurrence.
sons supposed to bo dead, nfter more
than an hour's efforts. Tlie statistics
also show that there Is no Immunity
from lightning In a feather bed, In a
house, or In a closet, and that knives
and tlie like do uot attract lightning.
For those who are Inherently dreadful
of lightning tlie only comforting sug
Covered the Ground.
gestion that cun lie offeril Is to remem-
"De Sheriff only had me one time in
I ht that if one Ilves to see the flush lie
my life." said the colored witness.
Is safe for thnt time. Chicago Chron
"And what did he do with you
icle.
then?”
"lie didn’t do nothin' wid me. suit.
MISTOOK HIS MAN.
I outrun him." Atlanta Constitution.
Traveling Companion Wus Not n Pro*
fesslonul Gambler.
A cautious American traveling from
Paris to Nice found a stranger In the
compartment lu which he bad secured
a berth.
"Are you Mr. — ?" said the stinn
ger.
The American lu surprise answered
affirmatively.
"Hit!” said the stranger. “I Inqulr
ed at the booking office who was to
lie my traveling companion."
The American real.zed that this was
no ordinary man. and soon found him
self almost hypnotized by the Minin
ger's coinmaudlng eye.
When the man proposed cards,
American suspected that he was a pro
fesalunal gambler. He made many ex
cuses. finally saying that be cared fol
none of the games which his compau
Ion suggested.
"All right,” was the discomforting
reply; "we'll play anything you like,"
When tlte Amerlcau ineutlomsl au ob
scure French game, which he hoped
the other would not know, and found
his suggestion taken up eagerly, he
was more than ever suspicious.
"hut.” asked the American, "do you
know how to play ft?”
"No.” was the reply, "lint you can
teach me.”
The American now had little doubt
that the unlit was a car l expert, look
ing fur a victim, but as Uo suggestion
of high stakes was made he Concluded
to venture, mid after some hours’ play
ing. had seen nothing on the part of Ills
fellow passenger that looked like cheat
ing.
But when next morning bls compan
ion suggested that thejr play again to
while away the time, the American
grew suspicious and pleaded a head
ache.
When they entered the station nt
Nice, the man handed the American
hla card. It bore the name of Lord
Russell of Klllowen, Lord Chief lus-
Hee of Englan I.
Ising Milting of Parliament.
The longest recorded sitting of the
British House of Commons w as In tK81.
On M‘ nday. Jan. 31, 1881, the bouse,
bating met at 3:45, continued slttlug
until Wednesday at 0:3D— a continuous
Bitting of upward of forty one and a
half b um. The next long at sitting or
curved In 1877. On Tuesday. July 31,
1877. the house, having met at 3 45.
continued sitting until Wednesday af
ternoon at « 15. a fx-rlod of twenty-six
and a half hours.
It< fTigerailon for <'on* u tn pt Ives.
A Jtusslan medical man proposes to
establish a saniiarluui for consume
tlves in the polar regions. He has ob
served that tlte rueuiliers of exploration
parties returning fr<>u> the polar regions
■ i always In perfect health, owing to
the parity of the air aud complete at>
sen. e of harmful ml. robes In the pola •
NO CAU8E FOR MUCH ALARM regions bronchitis, laryngitis, Influenza
I and other contagious disease« arc un
that do.
cima and
ended In
I
*
He Do you believe the widow’s grief
is really sincere?
She 1 do. Why, she spent half the
Insurance money for a mourniug suit
uud the other half for a tombstone.
It AH Depend*.
Bess Don't you dislike t<> bear a
young man talk shop?
Nell- Oh, uot necessarily. My beau
does It every time be calls.
Bea* Indeed!
Nell Yes. You see. he's a street-
car couductor, aud I suppose it comes
natural fur him to say, "811 cloaur.
please."
The llnsband Knew.
Olty Editor See here, lu your obitu
ary of thia prominent club woman you
say she "Is a good wife." You menu
"was," of course.
Reporter No, I mean "Is." Mr. Hen-
peck. her husband, told me If I wanted
to be absolutely truthful that was the
way to put IL L’blladelphl* Press.
Had Seu-Do**e<lns*s.
Iter Firet Qiiention«
ARTESIAN WATER IN TEXAS.
As It Appeared.
Diggs Did you buy that piece of
bronze at an auction sale?
Biggs No. But why did you think I
did?
Diggs Because It looks like it bad
been under the hammer.
Proof Positive.
“At last," said the great ««dentist, “1
have fully established communication
wltli Mars. Wlint great questlou shall
1 submit to them first?”
"Ask them." said the young woman
promptly. "If they have discovered a
comfortable and suitable bicycle cos
tunic for girls that is also attractive."
l'ld< ago Post.
signed bills would come Into toe i>os 1
session of isistmasters they were to be ,
|
sent to Washington for redemption.
By this process, should one desire to |
make remittance by mail he would |
simply take out a bill or piece of frac
tlonal currency, write the mime of bls
creditor, affix and cancel a stamp, uud
it would only require the signature of
the latter to again make the uiouey us
good as gold at the office uamed.
The Committee of Postal and Treas
ury Experts appointed to eoushler the
above plan for the establishment of a
(Histal curreucy, however, submitted au
adverse report to the Postmaster Gen
eral. While commending the general
scheme, the report said the methods
of detail seemed Impracticable. The
bill since framed Is supposed to be
free from the objections advanced.
F »
Htopned ths Gams.
The ship groaned.
But the Giddy Young Thing who was
talking to tlie Captain win a good
sailor and didn't rniud a bit of rough
weather.
“Doesn't It seem unnecessarily cruel,
Captain." ■he said, "to boi a com
pass?”
"Not any more so. miss,” lie replied,
grimly, “than to paddle a canoe."
And th • *111(1 groaned some more.—
Chicago Tribune.
Quite Remurkable.
Giishlngtou Ah! your wife Is a moat
remnrkablo woman.
Hetipeck Think so?
Gu.shlngton Imloed I do.
Don't
you?
Itcnpeck Well, she certainly !s able
to make more remarks than any other
woman 1 kttow.- Philadelphia Press.
i
Remnant hale.
.ai
"What nre you hanging aruuud hers
for, waiter?”
"I'm waitin' for you to get fru wld
<lnt chicken 'cause a gemman Jest or
dered chicken soup."- Chicago Ameri
can.
As It should Pe.
Mlles Isn't it queer that a man a
ears are placed In such a way that he
can hear only the sounds In front of
him?
Giles Nothing queer ulout it at all.
A merciful Providence never intended
that a man should hear what Is said
I old nd Ills back.
The Only One.
Home On«- Ei»e Did it.
"Evcryth'Ofr In biblical history,“ said
the argumentative wife, "goes to prove
that Adam loved his wife."
"Yes. my dear," replied the cruel
husband, "but you must remember
that she was the only woman he had
ever met."- Ohio State Journal.
A
l.cnrnrit Graduation Ksaays.
"<>b! \\ Illi«*, you lire all battered up
again, llow did you do It?"
"Please, nia'm. 1 didn't do HI”
Each spring when I llstcu to the
learned graduation essays of a class of
wealthy men's sons, at a college com
mencement, I feel that I won’t be able
to hold my job two weeks after those
smart youths get out hustling for their
dally bread lu competition with me,”
mused the gloomy eyed, middle-aged
man In the back seat. "Hut on my way
imine. as 1 learn that the trolley cur
<t»nductor is a college graduate, and the
clerk at the corner cigar store is an
other. 1 begin to chirp up a bit, and In
a day or two 1 get over my dismal fore
bodings!” Puck.
Properly Announced.
"Well, why dou't you announce me?”
demanded the |> inquina Indy.
"Bog pardon, ma'am." stammered the
new butler, "but 111 eawn't quite mike
out the nlme. Ills It 'Mrs. Jouesmlth?' ”
“No. stupid! 'Mrs. Jones Hmythe.' "
"Ob!" said the butler, and then bawl
e<1:
"Htupld Mrs. Jones Smythe.”
Philadelphia Press.
eare to occupy a
Rtinrpe— Would
the corona llou
$1UO seat aud
parade?
Whealton—Not If I bad a quarter to
alt on the "bleachers.”
She Capitulated.
Maud Do you meau to tell me that
you and George are engaged at last?
Mignon—Yee; be bad quit spending
The Reel Thing.
money ou me, and I thought I might as
“And have yoa no home ties?" asked well let Ulm propose —Chicago Tribune.
the sympathetic lady.
Visible Proof.
"No. ma'am.” replied the tramp. “All
Ping—What reason have you for
1» ties wot 1 hev onny cuunecsblou
thinking De Jones married an Intellec
with is de railroad Ilea."
tual woman?
Pong Because most of bls (uspauder
Now They Don’t Rpeelt,
Nell The last thing Jack did before buttous are safety plus.
a
going away was to kies me.
The Kumaac-e of Gum-Gaihertng,
Bess That's just like him
He al
lu Yucatan the gathering of the fa
ways w<»uld postpone a disagreeable
mous chlclo chewing gum la an occupa
task until the very last minute.
tion apparently full of romance, not
Wh»l He Mlsaed.
unattended with conalderable danger.
;er Is Dr. Quackerly In?
Bands of men. known as "cbfclerus,"
it—No, sir. lie went up the go into ttie deep forests, under experi
« morning to shoot ducks.
enced leaders, armed with heavy
;<-r Well, I'm sorry be Isn't st knives of special make and palls aud
I could put him onto bigger ladles for the sap; each one Is also pro
vided with a strung rope, more than 80
feet long, to be used In clliuliing the
Lucky Childrea.
lofty
sapota trees from which the gum
1 In- Maid Dear levile Fido, be will
Is procured. The sap flow» from gashes
tot eat zees bonbons, madame.
Mrs Hasslety-Ah! poor little doggie. cut In the bark. A camp of cblderos,
Ubere must be something wrong with where the sap Is boiled, resembles In
some respects an American maple su
them. Give them to the children.- Phil-
gar camp. After month« of work the
iihdpbla Press.
chlclerua returu from the forests laden
with brl.kllke blocks ef aromatic gum.
D<<1lnlna Fslth.
“In my young dajs, •aid the Moro "I be finest gum. known as "slcte,” Is
ridef. utterly, "everybody Iwlleved wllecteil from the fruit of the sapota.
that a man wbe feti is battle had a I mostly hy the native women, and is sel
dom extorted because It Is too well
passport to heaven.”
i "And Is It mx < s> now?”
liked at home.
j "Evidently n< t I have seen heretics
Are you despondent and Inclined to
Ikulking lie hind roi-ks snd throwing
iwsy first 'Issa < hau< es of getting think there Is nothing left worth living
fur? Try cb«rry pl»
•hut."-Puck.
I
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