SONGS THEY used to sing .
MEMORIAL TO MRS
. . tik» the Old sones,
* klB'3
I used to know
th.^e»r old COUDtry ’i!l*'*’
Of th. dear old long ago.
•
lik^ the rnuiic of
1
Bolt" and other tunes
,Unx an»«« the cedars
In the scented, amorous Junes.
When the suahgbt of th. ....on
.ntmg »her. the grasses »presd.
VYhere the roses fell In clusters.
Blushin« sweetly, deeply rod-
si. res 1 li1“1 ,he “*d •ongs'
The kind they used to sing
When life »»* “k* » P>'‘‘nro«o
Just bursting in the spring.
1 kinder like the old songs
Heard on the old playground-
William w»s King James
Son.”
,
Just »wingin' 'round and round;
B»«ing to the east sometimes.
And .ometime* to the west
And I used to pick a sweetheart
' The one I loved the best.
And while they just kept Hireling
•Bound in pretty, childish blns.
| knelt beside the lassie there.
And stole the first sweet kiss—
I'd like to sing "King William ' no
Just like I used to sing
When life waa like a primrose
Just bursting in the spring.
EDDY
Iler Folio were Purchase House Where
•‘»Science and Health'* Was Written.
WII.HEI.M
Edward and the King of
Sweden. Is a first-class yachts­
man and bandies sheet and tiller with
experience and smartness. When on
board he likes to be at the helm, nor
does be allow any one else to steer
even the gig when he is in it.
The Emperor owns mauy pleasure
boats. Besides bis racing cutter Me­
teor and the Hobenzollern he has a
couple of first-rate steam yachts aud
Innumerable electric launches and row­
boats. The Meteor's racing record Is a
long one. Under the title Thistle It
competed for the America Cup in 1887;
iu 1892 it won the County Down Cup.
The bouse at Lynn. Mass., where
Mrs Mary Baker G. Eddy wrote her
famous book. "Science and Health."
the law and the
gospel of the great
C b r I stlan Science
Church of which
she Is the orlgiu-
ator aud bead, has
Just been pur­
chased by her faith
ful follower» In that
lay on the understanding that It should
city and will
lie capable In time of war of dying
the imperial eagle in the line of bat­
tleships.
Tue bulwarks of the Hobenzollern
to lie remodeled Into a church. There
are white The Kaiser Is fond of white. was talk of tearing down and building
At Queen Victoria's funeral he rode a modern church edifice, hut the ma
a mllkwblte charger, aud In the Im- Jority of tlie society favor making su> U
lierial stables in Berlin all the horses changes as will provide a place of wor­
reserved for bls use are of this color. ship and at tlie same time keel» Intact
The crew of the vessel consists of 330 as a memorial the room w i-.re the
officers and men. and it Is oue of the creed was born.
stateliest crafts »float. The Imperial
The house is 12 Broad street, ceutral
apartmeuts are furnished with lavish ly locate«! and an ideal location
for
magnificence. The Emperor's rooms church purposes. It la the mec<
a of
on the middle deck amidships are on thousands of pilgrims who ■otue from
the port side, the Empress' being to fur and near At present It Is occupied
Somehow I like the old songs-
Yes. "The Maple on the Hill,
"Some Twenty Years Ago, Tom.
AnJ dear old "Whippoorwill;"
And "Starry Night for Ramble,
And "Coming Through the Rye,
And other dear old melodies
They sang to you and I—
Ah. yes. I like the old songs,
The kind they used to sing
When life was like a primrose
Just bursting io the spriDg.
-New Orleans Times-Democrat
by two families, and they have tiotli
been obliged in self -defense to forbid
Inspection of tlie Interior of the prem
Ise». except in rare cases where people
have traveled exceptionally long dis­
tances with this in view.
The upi»er tenement Is occupied by a
Mrs. Cole, ami the tide of travel turns
more naturally In her direction than to
the lower part of the house, from the
HER FIRST CLUE
Q0OU. a detective?"
y// The superintendent of a large
<-» department store scanned close­
ly the dainty little woman before him.
"Do you doubt the chief’s state­
ment?" she asked.
•No. not that: but I was expecting
a large, strong aud serious woman.”
“I am neither weak nor frivolous,"
came the answer, as the petite figure
straightened to its fullest height, #hile
fire flashed from the large brown eyes
that a moment before bad smiled a
friendly greeting.
Mr. Hale laughed heartily, exclaim­
ing: "I see my error and I beg your
pardon. Let us get to work. You un
derstand the matter, I presume—o se­
ries of thefts in our cloak department;
our own men being baffled. I privately
asked Chief Morse to aid me. In what
capacity do you come?"
"As saleswoman. Is anyone suspect­
leave oin tha to cents I have spent and
haven't got."
"It's the same with me." complained
another woman. "I wonder why they
teach u* mathematics In the schools.
What guod does It do us? I couldn't
any more multiply thirty three aud a
third by thirty three aud a third ttisi)
I could fly to the moon."
"Why. that’s easy,” said th« tlrst
woman. "Thirty-three and a third
multiplied by thirty three aud a third
la sixty six aud two thirds, of course,”
The first woman smiled admiringly.
"You were always so much cleverer
ataiut your arithmetic than I was." »lie
declared. "1 remember that at school.
I was always perfectly Idiotic when It
came to doiug a sum. When they ask
me now at home to multiply any sort of
fraction by any other sort of fraction
1 say: “If you don't believe I am an
educated woman look at my diploma.
There It 1» over the mantelpiece; but
for the love of heaven dou't ask me to
do any sort of sum.' ”
The blonde girl put in:
"We are the same way,” she said.
"Cad and 1. The other day after pay­
ing our board we bad a lot of change
left. Then, thlukiug It over, we found
that I ow.sl her 25 ceuts and she owed
me 18. We didn't know bow to pay
•■ach other. We laid the money down
on the tss! and commenced to count It
out. There was a difference, we knew,
between « hat she owned me and what
I owed tier, but for the life of us we
couldn't tell what It was."
"The difference between eighteen and
twenty five is eight isn't It?" Inquired
the first woman. "Or Is It seven?”
turning to the others.
"I’m not sure," they replied, "wheth­
er it Is seven or eight.” and one of them
began to count It over and over on her
fingers, with a puzzled look on her face.
"Well," resumed the blonde girl, says
the New York Times, "we worried o'er
It and worried over it until at last we
Just counted out the money, each of us.
I Counted out 25 cents ami handed it
to her, and she counted out 18 cents and
handed It to me. and that was the only
way we could think of to settle It.”
LET US ALL LAl'UII.
—
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA-
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
PIRATES OF THE RED SEA.
TUE IMPERIAL YACHT HOHENZOLLERN
cupled and where she performed her
tusk is In the upper tenement. Some
days there is almost a steady stream of
callers, and the number Increased so
rapidly that It took up the time of one
servant answering the bell and Inter­
fered with household affairs so much
that the door bad to be closed to all
strangers.
The room which la the subject of
such solicitation Is plain, small and is
lighted l>y a small gable window and
a skylight In the roof, which Is to be
seen In the picture. Oue door opens
Into the hallway and the other leads
to a small closet. The view is practi­
cally confined to a glimpse of the next
housetop, which may be obtained
through the skylight by dint of cran-
Ing one's neck, and the beautlea of a
lane which may be seen from the rear
window. There wns certainly nothing
to distract Mrs. Eddy's attention from
the work in hand.
Whatever else is changed in remodel
lug the house, It Is likely that tills room
will lie preserved as a memento of tho
woman and her work, which has gath­
ered such an array of followers In the
short time It has been under way.
Royal Ulster regatta; and In 1893 the starboard. The dining room Is lofty
Queen's Cup at the Royal Yacht squad­ and spacious and will seat eighty
ron regatta at Cowes, to mention only guests, although by a clever arrange­
a few of Its earliest performances.
ment of portieres it can be reduced
As a matter of fact the Imperial in size. The ceiling is in a charming
yacht Hobenzollern is really no yacht scheme of pale fawn and gold and tlie
at all, but a cruiser, a good sized man- upholstery is gray and white.
The main fittings and furniture of
of-war. It was built at the Vulcan
works. Stettin, and la larger than the yacht, including wainscoting, doors
even that gigantic Ironclad Konlg Wil- and staircases, are of the finest bird's-
helm, the pride of the fatherland’s eye maple, so light as to be almost
fleet. It carries eight quick-firing white.
The Hobenzollern has three masts
Krupp guns. It Is a double-screw
craft, with eight boilers, aud Is faster and two funnels, and it possesses two
than almost any other vessel in the wheels, one worked by steam, the other
ed?”
German navy. Though primarily In­ by hand, both of which have nicked
“I am sorry to say yes,” replied Mr. tended as a pleasure boat. Its warlike spokes and are painted white and gold.
Hale, taking a letter from bls desk. attributes are due to the fact that the The gilded imperial crown on the prow
"Some tiffle ago I received this anony­ Reichstag, ou being asked to pay for and the Hobenzollern coat of arms In
mous letter which tells me the floor It—the construction was to cost 4.500,- black and silver disposed within a
walker will bear watching. Mr. Bruce 000 marks, a pretty stiff figure for a laurel wreath, on the stern, are the
is a fine fellow. He came to us, a high pleasure boat—only agreed to the out- emblems of the yacht's ownership.
achool graduate, fourteen years ago.
He waa ambitious, and soon Jumped
over the counter, a floor walker, and at
times we have sent lilm abroad as buy­
er. Indeed, we were considering mak­
ing this position a permanent one when
this trouble developed; but it is certain
Mr. Bruce in action, looks and talk is
ABOUT OLD FORT MARCY.
of late a wonderfully changed man, we
Efforts
to Have Garrisons Stationed at
were compelled to prefer another.”
the Historic Spot,
"I see. 1 am ready now to be enroll­
The citizens of Santa Fe are making
ed as an employe, but 1 want this let-
another effort to have Fort Marcy re-
ter. I shall return it. of course.”
garrisoned. From a military viewpoint
Her appearance as saleswoman in
there Is no necessity for troops at that
the cloak department was a surprise.
post, but there are good historic rea­
for her personality astounded her asso­
sons for remitting it as a military sta­
ciates, as with even a first critical
tion. Fort Marcy is the oldest of the
glance came an impression of her ex­
posts of the far Southwestern frontier.
quisite daintiness and true refinement.
The original buildings, long since gone
Her 30 years were to her youth, so
to decay, were on a bluff overlooking
lightly they told ou her.
New Mexico's ancient capital.
They
She was clad In black, from which
were laid out by Brigadier General
all Inferred the recent death of a rela­
Kearney In 1840, shortly after his occu­
tion had forced her to become a bread
pation of the city, and their construc­
winner.
tion was begun by Col. Doniphan's
But the sprightly little body did not
First Missouri Volunteers ami contin­
long leave them to surmises, for be-
ued by Col. Price's Second Missouri
tween sales and efforts to sell, she
DINING SALOON ON BOA KI> THE HOHENZOLI.ERN.
Regiment when Doniphan's regiment
found many a chance for chats, till, as
marched for Chihuahua.
the day waned, many asserted that the
"Saved and promoted!” be cried. Joy­ The post for nearly half a century
the peculiarly Individual characteris­
new girl was a perfect little gossip; yet
ously. "Oh. what a load lias fallen was the headquarters of the Depart­
tics.
all agreed she was a present day young
Suddenly she uttered a shout of de­ from me! 1 feel like a new man. I'o ment of New Mexico. At It have been
woman, brimful of a piquant aud allur­
light. The letter was beside the name. you I owe It alL and so long as I live stationed many of the most eminent
ing union of wit and wisdom.
I shall love you. May I?” be pleaded, men In the military annals of the na­
"Eugenia Zaffman."
The following day "Miss Wood" flit­
tion. With the decay of the old adobe
In the letter Miss Zaffman had dis­ earnestly.
ted among her companions as an auto­
“Is It love or gratitude?" she queried. buildings, from whose shies cannon
guised well the shape. Blant and speed
graph fiend. Iler book was thrust
"Love!” be cried passionately. "Ob. frowned down on Santa Fe, new build­
of her natural writing, but In shade,
before all, and none there were that re­
spacing, alignment and pen pressure what a dreary afternoon It has been ings were constructed at the base of
sisted.
she had retained her characteristics as without you here. Even Miss Zaff the bluff The post was named after
The floorwalker smiled sadly as he
man's confession that my rival at the William L. Marcy, who was War Sec­
shown In her autograph.
simply penned his name, "Charles Gor­
“Now.” said the Sherlock Holmes, "1 store Is her lover, and that to down me retary during Polk’s administration.
don Bruce,” and closing the album,
she aided her thieving brother, fell
With the new policy of concentrating
must cultivate Miss Eugenia.”
said quietly:
The next day Miss Zaffman became upon heedless ears, for my thoughts troops in larger bodies near some great
"Miss Wood, may I In return ask of
were of you. It Is love, dear Bernice city, Fort Marcy was abandoned, as
her special study.
you a favor?”
May 1 love you always?”
were a dozen other posts In New Mex­
They lunched together merrily.
Oh. blissful echo!
"Certainly," she replied, pleasantly.
ico, the allegiance of the Mexican pop­
Shortly after their return to duty,
"Always!”
He spoke In seeming desperation as while displaying cloaks to a customer.
ulation lielng assured and the Indian
he said: "I have been watching you Miss Zaffman carelessly tossed a valu­
problem having l»‘eti practically solved.
Remarkable Figures.
closely. You are not only an intelli­ able garment upon a side counter. Lat­
But with the departure of the troops
From a little wooden track line along Santa Fe felt that her historic pres
gent woman, but a keen and observant er. while still trying to make a sale,
one. I am sure; and for this reason 1 she threw the garment from her again, the Lackawaxen Creek, where the first tlge was declining. The city bad never
seek your aid. A systematic robbery this time Into a remote corner, where locomotive In the country bad its tr at been without a garrison Spanish, Mex
In 1829, the railroad systems of the lean or American for 3tM) years. Fre­
has been going on In this department unseasonable cloaks were piled.
United States have grown In seventy- quent petitions have been made for the
for some week«—one cloak at a time.
Ah. Eugenie, a petite figure Is hover
I am helpless to discover the thief. Ing near, and a pair of large brown three years to a network of rails which restoration of the post There Is not
straightened out. would make n single now, we believe, says the Denver
Will you watch closely and help me if eyes are riveted upon that garment.
track extending eight times around the News, a single garrison post In New
possible?”
Often Eugenie's brother dropped In
"Certainly. I will, sir; but It seems on his noon hour. He Is a large man- world. Vitalize this eight fold girdle. Mexico, and there were formerly near
strange. Who can It be?”
a motorman—and wears a great bear­ Beside It a new track Is progressing ly a dozen. In the redistribution of
twelve miles a day on the ninth clrclt troops among the various army posts
"One of the score employed on this
skin coat.
floor." be answered, bitterly.
He comes to-day, and the huge coat On every five mile stretch Is a locomo­ there Is no good reason why the anient
tive with a train of eight cars There wish of Santa Fe should not l»e granted
"W’hy doesn't the firm hire a detec­
Is thrown open.
tive?" she asked.
He seeks the remote corner for the are five men at work for every mile and st least s squadron of cavalry sent
and 240 new men coming to work every to Fort Marcy.
"We always have three good men usual quiet chat with Eugenie.
about the store,” he asserted ."and 1
The large brown eyes see the long day. The road carries more tonnage
know they have kept a close watch, watched cloak deftly snatched from than all the ships on all the seas to WOMEN AS MATHEMATICIANS.
aad. frankly. 1 know I am myself un­ the table, and with a quick fold'ng. gether with the railroads of the bus est
How It Bother» Some of the Fair Hea
der suspicion, and unless the matter is
thrust by Eugenie beneath the motor half of Europe.
to Make wimple Computations.
solved soon I shall go mad.”
tn
From
the
lines
that
make
up
the
man's coat, which he at once buttons
"I wish," said the woman, plaintive­
He quivered In the Intensity of his
aginary manifold belt one wage earner
tightly about him.
ly, "that the ebop girl» wouldn't count
emotion, and. full of sympathy, the
out of every fifteen In the < ountry di backward. It gets me so rattled Like
Mr.
Bruce
Is
at
luncheon.
little woman uuobservedly extended a
rectly or Indirectly, secures a living tor this, for instance. »upposs you buy 4o
Miss Benton, in charge, sees a figure
band as she said, stoutly:
himself and his dependents. If not ua a cents’ worth of something and give
In black dart along the aisle and daeli |
"I will use my eyes, believe me.”
fireman, or a conductor. or a superin­ them >5 Here they cotne along pretty
down
the
stairway.
"Thank you,” be
he said, warmly, as
tendent. then as a locomotive builder soon w.tb your package and tbecliange
She wonders at It. but wonders mori­
w!tb a grateful pressure of the hand
or a steel worker, or even one of the Forty cents, they le-gln That's the 4o
on seeing Superintendent Hale and two
h* turned away.
lumbermen engaged In hewing down cents you bate Just spent aud conse
Alone in her “den” that evening Ber­ of the detective “squad" appear.
the 3.000 square miles of timber em­
brother
st
quently haien’t got I always con
As
Eugenie
parts
with
her
'
nice Wood, microscope In band, bent
ployed every year for ties.—World s
found It with the >5 and think I ought
over her album of autographs. It was the elevator in ringing tones Miss Ben Work.
Is up.
to have It, and when I find I haven't
her belief that every adult handwrlt- ton hears: "Zaffman. the
Nothing worries a person so much a« got It I get mad. 'Forty cents.’ they
’** made up of the characteristics Open that coat!"
Eugenie swooned away.
to tell him that be talks in bls sleep ■ay. 'sixty, oue dollar, two dollars.
of the Individual, and that In a test all
•
•
three, four. Slid that makes your five.’
an<l Hieu not tell him what be saya
«epended «n the presence or absence of
"I ne'er «-an get the straight of It,”
these characteristics.
It was night Beneath the chandelier
When a man starts for a dentist'» ■be airbed. "until I go all over It from
She placed by the side of each auto- in her little parlor stands Uba rles
•Ace be usually strikes a tooth burty the beginning right, and count one dol­
ar'’pb the disguised handwriting of the Bruce clasping the hands Bernice
lar. two, three, four sixty, aud then
warm greeting g*L
•Bev sod instituted a comparison of Wood bad extended
i
O
Flourish Now us They Hid in the I >U)H
of Old.
News from Aden tells that pirates,
as In the "good old days of old." are
troubling the coastwise shipping, and
the stretch of Arabian water lietween
Hodelda, Kunfadah and tip to Jeddah
is not safe. There are three Turkish
warships cruising along the Arabian
coast, supposed to be doing special sea
police duty, but piracy is still going on.
To any one who knows aught of the
methods of Turkish tnen-o' war com­
manders this will not l>e astonishing.
says the Madras Times, The latest
case reported Is that of a samhook
which left Hodelda for K unf aduli.
loaded with piece goods and merchan­
dise worth about $21.ooo aud >12,000 In
cash. The crew numbered fourteen,
and there were twelve passengers.
While anchored for the nlglit. accord­
ing to custom, In a barren place near
the coast, not very far from Jalzan,
the ship wns at midnight boarded by
two fishing boats, containing twelve
negroes armed with large sticks. The
negroes fell on the crew and passen­
gers, beating them unmercifully, and.
having tied up their hands and legs,
took charge of the snmbook and sailed
all night.
The following morning they arrived
at a small place on the coast, anchored,
and four of them taking money went
ashore. They bought sixty rifles and
1,200 cartridges, came hack on board,
and sailed again nil day with their
prisoners still tied up. After sunset
they came to a place called Towall, on
the same coast, which Is their home.
On anchoring, their friends crowded to
the shore and Joyfully helped them to
discharge the loot. After taking out
all the cargo, money, provisions and
the crews ami passengers' clothes, they
told them to clear away with their saui-
book, giving them only one day's pro­
visions. The lender of tills gang,
named Ahmed Gobalsh, is said to he a
well known pirate and highwayman.
Ilr Is nlso the chief of the place. Next
day the despoiled passengers arrived at
Jeddnli and reported the matter to the
authorities there.
Pleasant
Incident»
Occnreing
th*
World Over- Baylnga that Ara Cheer­
ful to Old or
Young—Funaj BalSC-
tiona that You W ill Enjoy,
Different.
Deacon Somelsidy rung in a coun­
Mr». Homer (In need of a cook)— terfeit dollar on tlie collection plate.
Minister Well, never mind. We real­
Have you a letter of recommendation
ly didn't lose anything.
from your lust employer?
Deacon But we did. He got away
Applicant No. ma'ant.
Mrs. Homer Why did you leave with 99 ceuts good money In exchange.
—Judge.
your last place?
Applicant Because the husband and
wife were always quarreling.
Mrs. Homer Indeed! And what
were they always quarreling about?
Applicant Atsiut the way their
meals were <*ooked Chicago News.
Excused.
Diagnosing Hi» Case,
"Abner, are you not going to church
this morning?"
"No; I'm uot feling well, Miranda.”
"Why. you were well enough a little
while ago to curry the horse, clean the
buggy and mend a broken place In the
harness."
"I waut you to understand, madam,
that a man may be able to do all that
and yet not feel well enough to go to
church." -Chicago Tribune.
I.ack of Perseverance.
"Chunipley bet a man he could walk
from New York to Philadelphia.”
"Did he do It?"
"No; he got half way, decided he
couldn't do it aud walked back again.
—Judge.
Old Gentleman Well. have you berti
a good girl and been to school?
Child (Jubilantly) N a w; I've got
the smallpox! The Tatler.
Loaded.
Mrs. Bargen I hope you liked the
cigars I gave you. dear. You'll be glad
to know anyway, that I paid cash for
them; they weren't charged.
Mr. Bargen Really? I thought they
were, but I didn't kuow wliat with. —
Philadelphia Press.
“In your story of this weddtng.
Iclsed the city editor, "you say 'the
bride led to the altar.’
You should
have w ritteu that she 'was led to ths
altar.’ ”
"Is that so?” retorted the new re­
porter. conscious of being on Arm
ground. "It happens that I know that
bride. She Is 38 years old. and It Is a
cinch that she led all the way.”—Balti­
more American.
It Hounded Bad.
Mrs. Newllwed George, where did
you meet that young girl you Just
spoke to?
Mr. Newllwed-1 picked her up on
the street.
Mrs. Newllwed—Why, George, I'm
shocked!
Higher Education.
“Good gracious, w hat kind of a noise
Mr. Newllwed So was she. She had
her wheel.—Philadelphia
is that? 1 didn't know civilized hu­ fallen
man beings ever made such sounds!'’ Press.
"Well, what can you expect when
Lost Hi-* Heutl.
they have to Incorporate such a title
us the Massachusetts Institute of Tech­
nology Into a college yell?”—Washing
tou Times.
Tlie Real Victim.
Neighbor The baby suffers from
sleeplessness, does It?
Mr. Jcroloman (haggard and hollow-
eyed»
I didn’t say It suffered. It
seems to enjoy It. I’m the one that
suffers Chicago Tribune.
A Man to Envy.
Smythe- W'ylkyns has a pretty good
wife, hasn't he?
Browne Yes. Why. she even lets
him smoke In the parlor.-Somerville
Journal.
Hhe Knew.
Teacher Spell “tray.”
Elsie—T-r a y.
Teacher Correct. Now then, when
the "t” Is taken away what Is left?
Elsie A lot of dishes an' things to
be washed. Philadelphia Press.
Too Good to Last,
Scribbles—I started a newspaper
once.
Dribbles - I’ll bet It was a good one.
Scribbles It certainly was one of
the best if there Is any truth in the
saying that the good die young.—Chi-
cago News.
A Cause of Trouble.
The Turkey I suppose your husband
was cool, calm and collected during
tlie scuffle with the master, wasn't he?
The Hen Well. no. I’m very sorry
to say he lost his head completely.
The Crucial Test.
"You say you love my daughter?"
growled the old man. "Have you ever
heard her slug?”
"No. sir,” was the trembling reply.
“Then how do you know you love
her?" demanded the long suffering par­
ent. Philadelphia Record.
A Versatile Brother,
One of the old-time darkles, on being
asked how he was making out, replied
In this fashion:
“Well, sub; times Is mighty tight
wld me. but I manages ter make a liv­
in' by doin' a little plowin', a little
votin’ on a little baptizin’!”-Atlanta
Constitution.
Ills Theory.
Philosopher — Every young
should have a high Ideal.
Gilded Youth -That's what I say.
The girl I’m engaged to Is 5 feet 8
Inches tall.—Somevllle Journal.
By Wholesale.
He Did the book you have beeu
reading end satisfactorily?
She—Oh, yes; everybody married
everybody! Philadelphia Bulletin.
Hairdressing In China.
In China the barber's calling Is sup­
ported by government. Although Ills
squat razor only covers an Inch or two
at a time and makes tlie operation un­
necessarily tedious, the barber lias tin*
advantage of knowing that he repre­
sents lawful authority, somewhat as a
public vaccinator does here. He ought
never to suffer from being out of work.
Then bls perquisite, the combings,
makes up for natural deficiencies. He
can sell at clear profit tails of his owu
collecting and making. Perhaps the
fact that Chinese hair offers little va­
riety In color simplifies this kind of
commerce. The more sable the hair Is,
the better; children's heads are shaven
in order that the tall may afterwards
be as black and thick as possible. A
Chinaman plaits white silk Into bls
hair when he goes Into mourning.
Tales of a tall might be multiplied. The
Chinaman's Is more expressive than
any that has not the power to wag with
satisfaction or droop with dismay. For
convenience In work It Is fastened up
In a coll, but for a man to speak to
his superior without letting It down Is
an Insult. No Christian would enter
church In this deshabille; a stranger
might possibly do so, and, In such a
case, before beginning the service, the
officiating minister would fix bltn with
a glance, and politely for the natives
expect politeness under all clrcum
stance» —address him:
"Kir, will you kindly iet down your
tail?”
HhatXertng • Dream.
Fond Father Is It true, as Tom tells
me. that be leads his class?
College President—H’ ib ! Well, yes, be
does Into all kinds of mischief, Horn i
ervllle Journal.
A Boston View,.
Boston Doctor- I think, madam, that
your daughter’s brain has been over­
taxed.
You must take her to soma
place where there will be no temptation
to serious thought, study or even ro­
dection.
Mrs. de Hubb—Very well, your ad-
vice shall be followed. We will go to
New York. —New York Weekly.
Hhe Was Not Kconomlcal.
Benham—Do you rememlier that be­
fore we were married you said you
could never be a poor man's wife?
Mrs Benham—Well. I wasn't, was I?
Benham No, but you will lie soou If
you keep on at the rate you are going
now.—Judge.
"Did you tee where s scientist says
It lull One» Needed-
that the principal of life Is electro­
"Yea. it’s a very valuable property
dynamic?” asked the giddy young fe­
now, but a few years ago 1 could have
male. “I sop|» oho that explains all
about the spark of love and the cur­ had it for a mere song.”
"And you couldn't sing?”
rent of affection.”
“Oh! I could sing, but couldn't get
"Yes," answered the confirmed bach­
elor, “and It explains why the wires tbs right notes.”—Philadelphia Press.
are crossed when people get married.”
Love'« Poselbltltles.
Miss Queery —I suppose you think It
Times Without Number.
Mrs. Crltnsonbesk I see by this pa­ quits possible to love two girls at the
per that there are about ninety deaths same time?
Mr. Flyrty Not precisely. It Is pus
in Hhakspeare's plays.
Mr. Crimsonbeak -Oh, I think I've al bls, however, to love one at 8 o’clock
seen Shakspeare's plays killed more and the other, say. at 8 39, If they don't
times that than myself.—Yonkers live too far apart —Philadelphia Press.
Statesman.
Halary Hmall but Regular.
Ilia lt.scrIptInn.
First Pugilist (reading society newel
—Say. Bill, wot's a chapvron?
Second Pugilist W'y, It's a lady guy
wot's kind of half way twix’ a trainer,
a manager, a bottle holder and • ref­
eree. Puck.
Harra.m or Compliment?
“Is your picture In the a< ademy a
success ?**
"That's what I am wondering Some
one »aid It waa worth tho whole price
of admissionStray Stories.
Gloomy Kven Then-
"In regard to the proposition of rais­
ing the pay of Congressmen. I recall a
conversation held some years ago ba-
tween two noted representatives from
my Stats.” said William H. Sargent of
Texas, at the Riggs.
"Both. alas! are dead. One was the
big brained and good hearted David B.
Culberson and the other hfs colleague.
Colonel Huck Kilgore. Kilgore was In
a discontented mood one night, anil re­
marked to his friend: 'Culberson. I'm
getting tired of this Congressional life.
It's stale and flat, and very unprofita­
ble. A man can’t save a dollar of bls
salary. I'm going home to resume my
profession. Confound It, bow do they
expect a fellow to get along on >5.000
a year and live decently?*
" I know It's mighty little. Buck—
mlghtly little.* quoth Cullsrson. 'but
remember. Huck, It’s powerful regu­
lar.'’’—Washington Times.
Hook Itjones is the most melancholy
fellow I know,
'*>•' That's right. He promised to a
Certain Hounds Lacking.
girl owe by asking her how she would
The Astec language, In use In Mex like to be bls widow. -Philadelphia
|co at the discovery of America, li Isckeal Record.
the sounds Indicated by our letters b,
Nothing of Velar.
d, f. K. r. L J and v.
"So the English broke camp In con­
A young man may be as bright as a fusion?” said the Boer commander.
The Other IHrectioa.
dollar, but some girls would rather "Did they drop anything as they
“Do you go lu for smoking. Bloom-
have the dollar.
lyr
went?”
“No,
"Only a few h’s,” responded the spy —
The warmth of a woman's love la
only sx< ee<je<* by that of tier temper | Chicago News.