----- an
AUTUMN SONG.
AS SME LOOKS TO-DAY
.win the old heraldic pomp
*0f Autumn on the hills;
.Lariet pageant in the .wamp;
*Low lyric* froin th* riU*:
Asd rich attar in the air
Th»« Orient morn distills.
IWliiiviii
Again th* tapestry of haze
Of amethystine dye
cincturing the horizon ways;
And from the middle sky
The iterant, reverberant call
Of »did geese winging by.
Shrub* growing In a poor soil seldom
produce bright, high-colored flowers.
Iron filings and scales collected about
a blacksmith's anvil have a tendency
to Intensify the color of many plants,
Again the viol* of wind
if dug Into the soil about their root*.
Attuned to one soft theme—
The flowering of potatoes has been
Here, every burden left behiud.
found by Mr. M. Mlelialet to withdraw
Oh,' love would it not seem
much »tareb from the tubers, and ex­
A near approach to paradise
periment* In France have convinced
To dream ami dream and dream!
him that the product of the plants may
.Woman's Home Companion.
be improved by removing all blossom*.
There has been a marked decrease lu
the population of l-'rencb India of late.
In five settlement», with a total of 2*3.
A NATURAL SEQUENCE
1S5 inhabitants, there has Ixeu a de­
crease of more thau eleven thousand
Illi I » 1 1 1 : I‘L1'X1'XL‘" !|||
lu the last teu year*, though they have
been free from famine and plague.
LITTLE girl stood In front of a
Beginning with the present year.
rose-covered cottage pensively
Spain has udopted Greenwich time lu
trying to bore a bole through her
the place of Madrid time, which was
previously used a* the Spanish stand­
flappj straw hat with a small fore­
her stood a tow-haired
ard Madrid being west of Greenwich,
Huger. Opposite
..
toy, perhaps a year older.
the change Involteti the setting of
"I’m goin’ away to-uiorrer, Blossom,”
clocks 14 minutes and -iti seconds
announced the boy mournfully.
ahead.
-Are yer?” said the girl soberly.
The labor cost of scientific research
-Yep. It's an awful long way—most
is not easy to realize, A British ento
2oo miles, pa says.” Then, after a
uiologist has just shown a series of
pause: "Don't see how I'm go!n‘ to
about thirty pictures Illustrating every
marry yer when I'm away down lu
stage In the metamorphosis of a drag
on fly from the nymph to the perfect In
New York.”
-0. soldiers is sent everywhere,” said
sect, and relates that he took over one
the girl wisely, "and nurses, too. I'm
thousand photographs la-fore getting
goin' to be a nurse when I grow up.”
bls complete set. Constant watching
was necessary, as after the first lmllea
-Well, I'm goin' to be a soldier, sure,
tion of change the dragon fly might
cause pa said 1 might, and when I'm
emerge at any time within the next
s major or a colonel I’m coinin' back
three days, the emergence being so rap
with a regiment to get yer and----- ”
id that three pictures were taken lu six
"There's ma callin'. It’» time to go
seconds.
Eddie."
The shove picture is from the lste-u and one of the best photograph* of
“Good-by, Blossom.”
H. F. Wltherby, a recent traveler on
Mrs. Grover Cleveland, who for two term* was mistress of the White House an.l
There was a timid kiss and two heavy
recognized a* the most beautiful woman in the national capital. This picture the White Nile, describes the sacred
little hearts wended their way home­ shows that Mrs. Cleveland still has remarkable beauty, although she has changed bird of ancient Egypt, the Ibis, which,
considerably in appearance since she was first lady of the laud She ha* grown lie says, very few travelers In that
ward.
*••••••
stouter and her features are fuller than her former photographs represent
country ever see, because It only visits
However, the change has in no way detracted from the beauty of the ex Presi­ Egypt during the period of inundation;
It was a terrible day. The hot Cuban
dent s wife. She retains the beauty which made her conspicuous during the but the dragomans, knowing the desire
(un beat mercilessly down upon the
years she was the leader of otfi. .al life in Washington, ami to-day she looks of all foreigners to see the famous bird,
group of tan-su t <1 “Americanos" lying
younger, and if anything more beautiful, than ever before.
point out to them, as a substitute, the
flat on their stomachs, creeping, creep­
buff backed heron, which Is really to­
ing. ever nearer and nearer the thicket
where the Spanish sharpshooters lay the day I left for New York? You said no luggage but a light traveling satchel, tally unlike the Ibis, The head, neck
we would be sure to meet again. 1 sup­ I was utterly oblivious to the appeals of und legs of the latter, all bare of feath
hidden.
"Easy boys,” whispered the captain; pose we ought to get married. We've the liackmen as he emerged from the era, are jet black, in sharp contrast
with the pure white plumage of the
“Jenkins’ company will draw their fire been engaged most fifteen years.”
New York Central station.
“Well, I like that,” gasped the girl.
"Fee—thvanoo hotel? Fifth avatioo— body. "The wings are edged with black
In a minute,”
like a mourning envelope, and from
“So do I,” said the man placidly; goin’ ritaway! Fifth avatioo?”
With a sigh of relief the men lay flat.
Mr. Dignity stalked right on without each shoulder droop green black feath
The long rank grass cut their faces and "there might have been some one else
the yellow sand tilled their eyes and to marry if I had not promised you a word. Another knight of the whip cry plumes. When flying toward one
tlie bird seems to be streaked with
charged down upon him.
«dded fresh agony to their already- first.”
The girl's eyes twinkled. “You said
"Say, Denis! Say, Denis? This way blood, for the wing bones are bare of
parched throats. Down at the end of
feathers on the under side, and the skin
the line a man was cursing because a you were going to come for me with a for the Say Denis!”
regiment,” she suggested.
No response from the traveler and which covers them is of a rich vermll-
sharp stone bad bruised his leg.
Ills good arm had slipped around her not a muscle moving In hl* face. Then ■ Ion color.”
But their rest was only for a moment.
The unusual optical phenomenon of
Far In the rear they heard a hoarse now. "So I did,” he said, meditatively. there w as a rush of half a dozen.
"Kerrldge, sir, kerrldge?
Wanter a rainbow produced by the sun shining
cheer. Then a volley of bullets flew “Well, I suppose I shall have to if you
not on raindrops, but on particles of
high over them, and was answered by won't come any other way.” Then, as kerrldge?”
"Waldorf Astorler! Take a kerrldge B sand suspended In the air by wind, was
the crack, crack of the Spanish Maus he drew the sun-tanned face close
wltnesed over a part of the Great Salt
down to liis own, be said: "But don't for the Waldorf!”
era.
Lake recently by Prof. James E. Illi
you
think
it
would
be
most
embarras
­
"Holland
House,
sir!"
"Now, boys.” whispered the captain
mage of the University of L'tah. Tlie
"Huffmun House! Huffmtin”-----
again. Over their heads the firing was sing tinder the present circumstances?”
And Blossom thought It would In
"Broadway Clntril! ltlght on Broad­ colors w ere very brilliant, and there
fast and furious, but the little group
was a secondary bow visible. Tlie main
way! 'Ere you are, kerridge, sir?”
crept on, almost to the very fringe of dianapolis Sun.
bow was fully double the width of an
The
traveler
loomed
up
like
a
ten
pin
the thicket.
“JACK” HAVERLY IS DEAD.
among vinegar cruets, and with face ordinary rainbow. Only a segment of
“Now! at ’em, boys,” roared the cap­
It was seen. The sand was oolitic,
tain. The whole command rose to their Kia I and Generous und Earned as a as placid as a pan of milk was calmly i consisting of calcareous spherules of
and
silently
moving
away
from
the
Theatrical
Manager.
feet. With a wild cheer, they rushed
In St. Mark's Hospital. Salt Lake crowd of hawks, who lookt-d after him fairly uniform size, ranging between
forward. With hoarse oaths they threw
the limits of No. 8 and No. B) shot
themselves on the sallow group of City, “Jack” Ilaverly, one of the most with something like amazement, when which are polished and exhibit a pearly
interesting
characters
of
the
American
a
sudden
thought
seemed
to
strike
one
:
sharpshooters. There was the rapid fir­
luster. Prof. Talmage points out that
stage, died. He bad of the knights of the whip, who ran
ing of heavy revolvers, answering
the production of the bow must be due
been 111 for several after the portly gentleman, and, seizing
shrieks of wounded men, groans and
to reflection from the outer surfaces of
months and heart his traveling bag. cried: "Deaf an'
prayers. Out into the open air ran the
the spherules, and cannot be explained
dumb
asylum,
sir?
Goin
’
right
up!
’
|
disease
was
the
Im
­
enemy, only to be shot down by Jenk­
on the principle of refraction and total
mediate cause of This was too much. Dignity relaxed reflection, generally applied to the ex­
ins’ men In front.
Into a cherubic smile, and the witty [ planation of the rainbow.
di ath.
In five minutes it was all over, and
His career exem­ hackman had the honor and profit of
the Americans were gathering together
plifies the ups and driving Thomas B. Heed, ex Speaker of
to count their numbers.
BABY LEGALLY CHRISTENED
downs of life and es­ the House of Representatives, to bls
"That was quick work,” grunted the
pecially of tlie the­ home. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Justice of the Peace Formally Swear*
lieutenant, as be wiped the powder
Parents and Child,
atrical business. Ac­
stains from his face. “Where’s Ma­
TO BE IN CHARGE.
"There used to be some funny ones
cording to his own
son?”
“JACK
• statement lie had Mnrqul* of Cholmon Jetey Will M un it ue down by the Rio Grande,” remarked
“Where’s Capt. Mason?” shouted the
tlie tall, broad shouldered Texan, when
been rich and poor seven times, “A
King Edward’s Coronation.
sergeant.
It was bis turn. "Yea. there were some
man
ought
to
be
ashamed
to
go
broke
King
Edward
has
appointed
George
“Here he is,” answered a hoarse
mighty funny ones. I remember par­
the
seventh
time,
now
oughtn't
he?
”
Henry
Hugh,
Marquis
of
Cliolmoude
voice, and a burly private appeared
ley. to the office of laird Great Cham­ ticularly no old Justice of the peace
with his arm around the captain, al- he was wont to say.
berlain. subject to down there, who perform«*! all sorts of
Alsiut 1843 he was born at Belle­
most dragging him along.
the decision of the offices, particularly those of a religious
fonte,
Ohio,
and
had
to
fight
the
battle
The officer's face was white, and he
House of Lords lu or semi religious nature. In the absence
of
life
alone
from
the
start.
As
a
boy
said, as he clenched his white teeth to
tlie controversy as of a minister He made some awful
gether: "I guess they’ve done for me, be sold newspapers, bananas and pea­
to who Is entitled breaks In his time; but he didn't reach
nuts on trains running out of Chicago.
Tom. this time.”
to
the office, there the height of Ids originality until tlie
When
IS
he
conceived
the
Idea
of
start
­
"Nonsense,” said the lieutenant,
being several day lie christened the newly born child
roughly. “Up with him. boys; easy, ing a show and had the money to back
claimants by right of a cowboy named Wilson. I'll tell
easy," and as four of the privates lifted bis scheme. His first attempt was at
of
Inheritance. If you nliout It.
minstrelsy
with
"Happy
”
Cal
Wagner
him to their shoulders they retraced
the House of "In these days we never worried much
as
the
star.
Success
followed
and
Ilav-
their way back through the long grass
leirds coti N r mi alsiut christenings and such In Texas.
to their own lines, and there, in the crly adopted the policy of securing the
King E<!«aid's ap | We simply slapped a name on a kid
liest
talent
regardless
of
price.
His
shade of the hospital tent, they tender­
pointment, as It is and If a minister happened along we
ly laid down their burden and left him headquarters were In Chicago, but he
I •«•! i •• V I it « 111 hnd him go through the regular form;
owned ami controlled theaters in other
to the care of the surgeon.
the Marquis of If not. we let It go at that and the kid
cities.
At
one
time
hl
»dally
Income
was
All night long they worked over him
never knew the difference. This Wil­
At va
CHOLMOJH>Mt.r.T. Cbolinondeley will
—the doctor and a sweet-faced woman lietween »lfl.teki and
son, however, was strong on religion,
Important
men
In
with a red cross on her artn. As the last riotis times his fortune was estimated be one of tlie most
for as laird Great though 1 reckon be didn't know so very
bandage was fastened and the doctor at half a million. At the time of bis London next year,
Chamberlain be will have charge of much about It, and when his pretty lit­
death
he
was
engaged
In
a
mining
en
­
rose to go his rounds he said: "He
the coronation ceremonies In Westtnln tle wife presented him with a sori he
won't last till to-morrow.” The nurse terprise. but ft Is believed was pos
ater Abbey, Including the invitation set about to have the child regularly
said nothing, but as the tent door flap­ sessed of little. If any, wealth.
branded by some one In authority,
He made money rapidly and In addi­ llsL
ped behind him she muttered rebel
There was not a minister within ne-
tion
to
being
generous
and
a
princely
He Felt (Safe.
llously: "He will last till tomorrow,
gotlable distance, and so tie brought
liver, was always devoted to bls wife.
Mt*. Slimsou Don't you know. Wil­ the child, accompanied by Its mother
•nd a good many more to-morrows."
Early the next morning the wound­ Rn<l was noted for his sterling hon­ lie. if you are naughty you won’t go to and the Intended sponsors, to our jus­
heaven?
ed man opened his eyes, to find a worn esty.
_____________
tice of the peace ami asked him to per­
"Oh. I don't know. Uncle Jake was form tlie ceremony. Now, old “Bill”
an bending over him. He looked up TOM REED TOOK A CARRIAGE
the meanest man I ever beard of. but Kcruggins that was the justice's name
weakly and would have spoken, but she
Put her hand over bls mouth, and said, Intended tn Walk, but the Driver*. y,.u say he Is In heaven now.” Lin-
— bad never witnessed a christening.
Humor Canirht Him.
quite calmly: “It's only Blossom.
Many a man looks insignificant when He remembered having wt-n a book
A
tall,
portly,
dignified
cltlxen
arrived
Tou're hurt, and I'm going to take care
about the house year* before with a
ids wife Is with him.
of you. I told you I was going to be In New York the other day, and having
form of christening In It; but where
• nurse.”
It was he could not renienitier. A man
with less nerve would have faltered;
WHAT PEOPLE OF VARIOUS NATIONS SAVE.
He smiled faintly, and fell into a gen­
but not the Justice.
tle sleep, with her hand clasped tightly
“ Hats off In the presence of the
In bl*.
but in ths
• j capital is co .acerns I the United Stites I-» Is.
Two days later as the fussy little doc
As far *s banking
Invests J court!' be commanded.
The
amount
at
pre*«
nt
»o well.
“All being uncovered, he said: 'I’ll
----- it
tor came bls rounds he announced,
matter of savings we
u. do not »bow up Denmark'»
»»»¡tigs work out st an average
*•" y-T
swear you In fust. Hold up yer right
are third will
in British banks _
ia *!'•
l'"r capita. *~ »„ond with »39. Norwijint
with a considerable degree of self-sat-
*' — -----------------
“
.'"¡«“ih:’Germ.n with » 125. The ri* best nation of all. ba nds.'
•"fa'-tlon: “Mason is going to live. Miss
" 'Us too?' asked the s|H>nsora.
CarvIlL Didn't think I could pull him
fifth place -Ith
wit »22. Auutriaiis are
»JÖ
the Uniteti States, l take«
—
' sriug »I« apiece to th'-ir
“ 'Of course.' said the Justice, ‘All
through, but I did after all.”
TIP inicsl than American«,
the scale come, as might witnesses must be swore in.'
The nurse smiled Inscrutably, but
credit. At th* lowe»t extreme of Ruswii
B0»l • P* la. with tbc
"Thru, looking at them all with com
••Id nothing.
miserable totals of t» cents and ÓO cen • l<-al dignity, be liegsn the strangest
They were sitting just Inside the tent
respectively.
christening ever |>erformed; ’You an
door waiting for orders to embark on
'each one of you do solemnly swear
the transport.
that the evidence you shaft give In this
Hl» right arm was still In a sling, but
ft "’M
-ase. shall lie the truth, th« whole truth,
**■• left hand vainly sought to rest on
an* nothin' but the troth. s'elp you
hers, which she promptly removed.
S AviO
Gawd!*
'" hat are you going to do when you
••’You. John Wilson, do solemnly
•re mustered out.' Blossom?" be asked
swear that to the beat o' yer knowledge
D ollar
"I'm Miss CarvIlL now people are
an' belief. this yer child Is yourn an’
»•«*•
•ell again,” she otsaerved. speaking to
yer wife's to hare an' ter bold for yer-
o*
n' ne in particular.
P j • V L A
00
«•■If. yer heir*, exekytera. administra­
"Hut I am not well yet,” be objected.
tor*. an’ assigns, for yer an' tbelr use
Tow are going to be. What’* the mat-
in' behoof forever?
,*r’ Aren't you glad?” she demanded
*1 does.* answered the father.
*’ hla face felL
'You. Mary Wll*on. believe this man
• don't know; that depend».' be said.
boy; to wit. John Wilson an' son.
•'»nlficantly,
tu I«- yer buabsml an' child; an y ti do
A» the girl made no answer, be went
*• remlulacently: “Do you remember
&
r*
5 2
Of No Consequence,
Husband You are a* gloomy as an
owL Sulking because I can't get you
that new bouuet, 1 suppose.
OAES FROM THE PENS OF VA­
Wife- No, I was ouly going over
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
» uni- old letter*, that's all. It's nothlug
of importance. Ouly a tit uf the blues.
"What letters?”
Plrssont lucideats Uccerrinu ths
“Love letters.”
_ 't ‘
WorlalGver
ins* that Ars I hesr-
“Some you wrote?”
ful to Old or Yosug Fuuuj Sslsv*
"Souie 1 received.”
tisus lUsl You Will Enjoy,
“Oh. uifue, eh?"
“No, some 1 received before I met
"Why. may I ask.” said the contribu­ you
it'» of no consequence. None
tor, "do you always put my name to the at all llow Is your cold?" New York
verse I write mid uever to the prose
W.-ekly.
"Well, you know." smiled the editor,
To Avoll a strain.
“we can't be respoiisibk- for your po
"Feeling blue, are you, Mr. Light-
etrv." Judge.
wayte?" said Miss Jimplecute. sympa­
Llfs-syviuu I x-rlion.
thetically. "You ought tu do something
“Don't you pay any attention to sum
to occupy your mind.”
nier athletics?”
"I dou't mean.” she added, after a
"Oh. yes; I often run a few blocks moment, "that you ought to work very
after the Iceman when lie Ims gone by hard at anything."- Somerville Journal
without leaving us any Ice." Detroit
loo I>11 Is
Free Press.
"Why did you leave the last place?”
New V ersion.
"There was no amusement, muui.”
Mother Well. Reginald, ami what
"Didn't the family have a piano?”
was the minister’s text in church to­
"Oh. yls. but they didn't hov a piece
day ?
av breakable brie a brae In the house.”
Reggie Ye cannot serve God mid wo
Chicago News.
nieu.
Hliihty Colors I Replx.
Halber rarllcul-ir.
Howuder Say. old man, what make*
your nose so red?
Row uder It's blushing for all th«
other uoses that go isiklng into othet
pis'ple's business." I’lilladelphla Rec­
ord.
ET L’S ALL LA UGH. I
<«*. ...... . .
administrators au' assigns.'
“'I does,' answered th* mother sol­
emnly.
“ 'Well. John.' said the Justice, wiping
the perspiration from hla brow, ‘tbat'll
be about three dollars.’
“'Ain't the child christened yet?
" 'Not yet be ain’t,’ replied old Scrag
gins; 'but this la la where the fee come*
In '
"The money being paid over, the jus­
tice put It In Ills pocket and went on a*
follows: 'Know all men by these pres­
ents that I. Wlllyum J. ScruggiBa, Jus­
tice of the peace of Waco. In the State
of Texas, being In good health au* of
sound an* disposin' mind, lu consider­
ation of three dollars to me In hand
paid the receipt whereof la hereby ac­
knowledged. do. ail' by these liev de­
clared the child's name to lie Wlllyum
J. Scrugglua Wilson, during good be­
havior au' till otherwise ordered by
this court, which now stands ad­
journed.' ”
DESICCATED VEGETABLES.
Uriel Garden Truck Will Bs Vssd by
V»cla Sam's »oldlsrs.
Desiccated vegetables are coming on
the market, for use especially by pro-
l>ectors and hunters, who are obliged to
economise eiery ounce In the weight of
the provisions they carry. Necessity
compels them to select such fin'd* as
combine the maximum of nutriment
with the mlulmum of bulk and avoir­
dupois. This Implies water-free sub­
stances. and dried fruit* and vegetables
are especially adapted for the purpose.
Of late the War Department has been
experimenting with products of this
kind; It has found them wholesome and
hi all respects desirable, and is likely
to use them largely In future years.
White potatoes, carrots and sweet
¡nitatoes have been found particularly
available for desiccation. Tbs sweet
potatoes are cut up Into little cubes,
while the white potatoes and carrots
are sliced. When wanted for use, 'toy
have to lie soaked In water before cook
lug them; as sold, they are supposed to
be absolutely water free. What a sav
Ing hi weight and bulk they represent
will be realized when It Is understood
that fresh white potatoes contain Mn per
cent, of water and fresh carrots 90 per
cent.
Experiments have proved that the
drying process causes no loss of nutrl
ment and that the product furnishes a
most valuable addition to the food of
people who are unable to get fre*ti
vegetables. The desiccated white po
tntoes are as rich hi muscle forming
element as the best wheat flour, though
consisting mainly of tlie starchy ma
terlal which Is so useful as fuel for the :
body machine. The same thing may
be said of the carrot» and sweet pota­
toes; but a notable fact is Hist dried
eastern vegetables are richer In starch
am! poorer In muscle-forming material
than those grown In California.
Philosophies*.
Here the man married; for be was
aweary of working.
"A better half Is better than no loaf
nt ail!" he observed, not unpbllosoplil-
calljr.
As KeK-irits Age.
“Her fiance? He looks old enough
to know better.”
“ApiH-aranee are deceptive. He Is,
111 fact, only old euough to lie her
father.”
The Poor Carthorse.
feet long, five logs 1 foot long ami seven
logs sawed and split Into small pieces
Tramp Madam. 1 think you need n
cabinet milker. This Is not In my line.
1l»t» Kewurl <»f l*rr«rvt r.mi e.
George I understand the Gottlts hail
a hard atruggle to get Into society.
Jack I should any they had! Why,
old Gottlt had to s|H-ml nearly four
years In tlie Klondike! I’uek.
Now He W oiulers Where I’e’s At.
Mr. Ease«- Dr. New ley says Hint eat
ing alone I* not couduelvu to long life,
and I believe h<- Is right. Do you?
Miss I'nsse Oil! Mr Easee. this Is
so sudden. Chelsea (Masa i Gazetie.
Fatron On what plan Is this meal
served?
Walter A In carte, air.
Patron A la carte, eh?
That ac­
counts for this Hteak. It's horst* meat,
sure. Philadelphia l’reaa.
Un trust wort hr,
“But Jones gave you bls word, didn't
he?" said Friable.
"Yes," replied l'erkasle, “but I don't
like to take Jones’ word. He wuu't
even keep It himself.”
Cut of Politic»«
Inert 11 lite.
Il<- This author should be ashamed
of himself. A married mini, too!
Ills W il.- W ..... <1.,.--. he sii :
He lie says that a man's wife 'gazed
at lilni III speechless iistonlslimeiit.'
W by, such n thing Is unknown In matri­
mony! Tit Bits.
A Hustler.
Madge Why did ahe insist on going
tu South Dakota to »¡s-ud the hom-y
A Punch parodist find* garden litera­
ture so easy, compared with novel writ moon?
Marjorie So Unit In case they fulled
Ing. Unit he tries his hand to tills ef
to Hgt'ee tbe month could be counted 111
feet: "Cloee by tlie greenhouse, four
feet from the gooseberries, mid two with the time m-cessmy to secure a les
feet-slx from the secolid-liest honey­ Idence when she sued for u divorce. -
suckle, I have dotted In a clump of dun J Uilge.
II? al I un liame Nature.
dellons. Buch brave flowers, so sturdy
Drummer It just bents all. I'm trav­
mid self-reliant! Oddly enough, they
huve all turned out yellow with me. eling for nn umbrella house, mid every
Why are none of them purple? Per place I've struck has been nufft-rlng
haps It la the soli • • • It Is nearly from drought.
Inventor I am traveling wltli a rain­
12 o'clock; 'noon,' In tlie quaint old
Anglo Saxon phrase. A sparrow has producing apparatus, ami every town
Just hopped acroea the lettuces
a I’ve struck was knee deep In mud.
Drummer I say, let's travel to­
sweet little bird, with two eyes, two
feet, mid one beak. But the early gether. New York Weekly.
worm hns left some hours ago on press
Wee -Ktilse’l the Uree I.
Ing business. Ah, dearest reader the
saddest words In the language. Too :
late! Too Intel Oh, the bitterness of [
It all • • • Hut 1 must tie brave. I
I must water the geraniums. (Plant
out eHrly In May. In a south aspect, and I
mulch freely.I Yea, 1 must water the j
geraniums. So do the petty. Insistent j
duties of life break In upon our moat |
spiritual moods!”
In a Garden.
Too Literal.
They seldom gave dinner parties, and
what they gave were small. But they
liked things dons decently mid In order,
mid generally had the liest. On the aft
i-rnoon of one of the little parties the i
host summoned the boy In button» nnd
said to him: “Now, John, you must lie
very carefud how you ha ml round the
wine.”
“Yes, sir.”
"These bottles with the black seals
are the best and these with the red j
seals the Inferior sherry. The liest ' ilmK U by dia-s that old cow of
sherry Is for after dinner; the Inferior yours look at me ho closely when I
sherry you will hand around with the pass?
bock and aoup. You underatatid buck
Greta She may sus|H-ct you are one
mid Inferior sherry after soup?’
of her long lost children.
“Yes, str, (H-rfectly,” res|*onded the
A Rral Calamity.
boy In buttons.
The evening came, and with It the 1 The Father You have rescueil my
guest». Everything went on swim dmigliler from drowning, sir. What
nilngly till the Imy went round the ta shall tie your reward?
Tbe Stranger Don't mention It. I'll
ble asking each of the guest». "Hock
■end you a bill. 1'ui a spechillat from
or Inferior »berry
London Tit-Bits.
New York.
1 he Troutiles of Br'er U llllam*.
“Good heavens! I'm rained.”—Life.
"De
way» er providence,” said {
A Sense of Fitness.
Brother Dickey, “la past findln’ out.
Lady of the House You neeiln't ask
Take Br'er Williams, for Inslunce: Fer for a < up of coffee: our gas stove has
six day* en dat number er nights he been turned off for hours.
constant prayed fer rain, en w'en de
1 rump Coffee, madame, la out of tbe
rain come hit drowded de only mule question. Have you any left-over sher­
h<- bad en washed hl* house sideways' | bet <>r yenterdajr** lemonade In the lee
lieu be lit In fer ter pray fer dry. en j chest? Itetrolt Free Press.
de *un shine so hot dat bls co’ufiel
In ths Veer UtXMI
wux burnt ter a frazzle, an de new I
“I tell you thl» literary controversy
mule what be buyed on a credit wui
sunstroke«!, en what w ui lef rr hl» Is becoming fierce!”
house ketched fire, en »ence de well ! “What literary controversy?"
"Why, over the «¡uestloti which was
done drle<l up he didn't have no water
ter put It oVL Dm be got ao mail he the liest advertised novel of the twen­
gone off In a corner ter »wear In prl- : tieth century.” Puck.
«ate, en de pr«-a<-her. comln’ dat way, !
Mhrme'pc Mstnphrslcs.
bearin' 'Im »»earin' en hail 'Im up befo’ 1 Mrs Hoyl» I can rend my husban«!
a »|H-«hul committee, en turned 'Ini out like a book.
de ebureb! En de las' time I seen 'Im
Mrs lioyle You must have good eyes
be wus aettln’ In de place wbar hl* to res«! su«*h «mail type The Kmart
house us« ter tie a readln' er de book of Bal
Job!”—Atlanta Constitution.
« hluaman'* New G««d.
I a*ke«J a < hlnaman tbe other day
what they would <lo now, as the Mols
were getting ao scarce. Wbat would
they worship? “Mi-ilian dollars.” lie
replied, witbout a moment's hesitation;
"and.” lie added. “It's genuine worship, 1
toe, mister.” North t hins lieraid.
"A h ' so you'» gone outer pollytlcs,
erby?”
"Dat's me. Dusty. When de price of
a free born patriot's wote gits down to
half a dollar It's time fur decent men
to git ill outer lie wet.”
A Voilrl < Hive Bov.
"First of all," »nld the merchant to
the youthful applicant, “we'll have to
test your ability as a whistler. Sup­
pose you try.”
"Fm sorry, sir,” snld the boy, "but
I can’t whistle at all.”
“Hang up your lint," cried the mer­
chant. promptly, “you're the boy we'rs
looking for.” Philadelphia Frees.
Proof Conclusive,
"Lhla's new pictures flatter her like
everything.”
"Why, I thought you hudn't seen
t belli?"
"1 haven't; but she told me she had
ordered four doz< n.”- Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Widening the Breach.
"I wish you ami May would become
friends again,” said the would be
lH*a<*emaker.
"Well," said Fay, "If she'll make up,
I will."
“I told her you hail said that, and
sh<* said: 'The Idea! It's easy for her.
I never saw her when she wasn’t made
up.' ” I 'll I la »!•■! ph la I’n-ss.
The Kight Man.
First Polltli'lnn Well, they're going
to nominate Mr. Miller. Has he a dean
rvrard ?
ttecvml Politician Clean as a whistle.
Never was known tu refuse a cash of­
fer-Life.
Would Carrs Conviction.
1‘rlsoner Wouldu't It tie better to let
un- tell my own story? Don't you think
It would be l>»-lleved?
I-awyer That's Just the trouble. It
would carry conviction. Philadelphia
Record.
Could Htanil the I smm «.
A mooeyed man of Detroit waa aur-
prlse«l to receive a <*all from a rather
s«**«ly i<siklng chap an entire stranger
— the other day. Having satisfied the
guards Hint lie was not a Issik agent,
lie was allowed to enter ami state hla
buaiuena. which he had insisted. In or­
der tu gnln admittance, waa Import­
ant
"Well, air?” said the wealthy man,
ex|w<-tant)y, aa the worthy steppe«l In.
"Why,” was the unabashed reply,
"I'd like you to Indorse this note for
me.”
The man of money examined the note
«rlth ally. as he oliaerved: “Why do you
come tu me? I don't know you from
Adam. W hy don't you go to some one
you know?”
"Well." was the cool reply. “I came
to you lieeause I knew you <*ould stand
His Admission.
the loss better than anyone else I kuow
“1 bear that you are engaged, Gol<l of.”
thorp." said Hterllngwortb. “la It time
The millionaire Indorse«! tbe note,
for congratulations?”
after a«» urlng tbe name uf tbe n«*rve
"Well, I won't a«'knowledge that,” tonic bls < slier Is using Itetrolt Free
replte«! tbe happy young man, "but I'm l’reaa.
alsiut to coufer upou a certain young
A deaf ami dumb man la apt to talk
lady th« right to select luy neckties fur
straight out from the shoulder.
mw’’