'
..THESE IDLE DAYS”
, Mr.
th< <re"
of
W7h(. sea»»0* unceasingly roil:
Jrriads of «tar» *re unfolded
A»J *h*‘hr.1 eu the heaven'» wide »crolL
BJ 'tanud
,h,ir laW ** 10 ^b°r’
Ib*tr ,7 aouhl *re«'u «>**
‘’Ian
la4t?'
»oild* upon world» in their
That n-1 •’
jufgorVm. the frail Uf of
Is never a night in tbe aumuier.
Tb"*.t‘l but the dew dripping air
» “ ‘'„‘c tbe »ugmg of insect.
[, fceeu
l! -
„ w*
Liu
‘"ol
la,'r:
.
”;’J dav. firing bright-eyed and
Ait 1
fr
Jn’^he depth» of the green ea»teru
' j*’,,, « .Iowa the western horizon.
"\v“l be a. >rn ug on >oui. di.tant lea.
....
sinter lies chilling around us,
¿Thsn -
nd. nn I skies sullen gray,
In the heart of the trees, gaunt and leaf-
Th,1'-?., song of the sunshine of May;
And the flowers that drooped in the au-
tuuin.
Are wait ins to grow up anew.
„ . . -j.t iugtiine shall smile a bright
welcome
,
To brooklets ami grasses and (lew.
that seem clouded by wait
m
w rh st! -« ¡.til sad folded hands.
w,,
I::. \ brightest endeavor
Has tied with times vanishing sands,
XGy be only some wise preparation
v'.r a part in the infinite plan
Thst has governed the worlds »ince crea-
tion.
Xu I , n-iders the brief life of mau.
-Boston ««lobe.
___________
•îxÿNî^-
»
Ì The I ritk Was Exposed. J :
J
j ’
XV.XS a young man possessed of
sufficient means to enable me to
live at my ease, when suddenly
there catne a blow which scattered my
prosperity to the winds and forced me
to labor in the general struggle of gain
ing a living.
Securing a clerkship in the house of
a creditor of <"tr late firm, my first care
was to look
a less expensive board
ing bouse. I inserted an advertisement
in several city papers, asking for rea
sonable board in a strictly private fam
ily, and received a multitude of an
swers by next post. Out of this motley
Installment of epistles, there was but
one which pleased tne, and I decided
to answer that one in person immedi
ately.
Grace Kingsley was the name of tbe
favored landlady writing <o me. and
tbe letter stated that her house was
entirely private, she having no board
ers whatever. I was much pleased
with the fair, delicate handwriting, and
an idea took possession of me that
Grace was a young and fascinating
widow. I was not disappointed when
1 reached the house, and my ring at
tbe doorbell was answered by the lady
herself. She invited me Into the par
lor in a manner that was so courteous
and yet so modest, that I had fallen in
love with her before 1 even crossed the
threshold.
Before leaving my former boarding
house, a letter was handed nte by the
postman, but 1 did not find time tn
examine it until I was comfortably en-
»coneed In the parlor of Mrs. Kings
ley's cosy establishment.
Opening It, 1 discovered it to be from
a wealthy uncle, residing in Vermont,
who regularly sent me a letter every
year, but whom I bad never seen.
Abont a year previous my unde
made some pressing Inquiries respect
ing tuy matrimonial prospects, and
stated that if I wasn't already married
I should immediately enter Into the
wedded state and let him know of It
or "he would never more be uncle of
mine/'
Now. as my unde lived In Vermont
and I In Philadelphia, and 1 never
anticipated the old gentleman would
ever pay me a visit and discover the
falsehood, I wrote to him and Inform
ed hint that I was not only married,
but also the father of a bouncing boy.
This Intelligence so pleased him that
he sent tne a gold goblet and n silver
pap spoon, to be presented to my child.
I nt first sat down and wrote a very
romantic letter to my undo, thanking
him for the present and then visited
the nearest jewelry store and turned
1 'th the g> bid and the spoon Into cash,
which I pocketed.
I find received no further letters from
nty unde until the one which I read
In Mr«. Kingsley's parlor. The post
s ript to this one not only astonished.
Lilt absolutely frightened mo. It read
n« follows:
"P. S —I have never visited Pliiladd-
phia, so I have decided to do so at once
»nd got a look nt you and your wife
»nd child You may expect mo alxnit
the 10th of the month.”
"Good gracious;'my unde coming to
rlslt tne." I exclaimed, "nnd it Is past
the 10th of the month now! I don't
know at what moment ho may pop In.
What am I to do for a wife and child?"
At that moment there came a terrible
ring at the door bell, as if the man who
pulled It imagined he owned the
home and could make ns much noi«e
” he pleased. A sickening sensation
took possession of me. for I had a mis
giving it was my uncle.
Now. as good fortune would have It.
Mrs Kingsley had gone ont for a few
minute« mid bad requested me to have
»a eye to her child while she was gone.
A« I glanced at the cradle, and thought
1 f my unde at tbe door, a bright idea
entered tny mind. I determined In
' i’e tbe visitor was my unde to claim
the youthful occupant of that cradle as
B|f own.
The visitor proved to be my unde
■ knew him by the picture of him I had
m and he likewise recognized me
‘.’ nty phi t< graph. After a mutual rec-
*-gr..t|op inq handshaking. I ushered
6J honored relative Into the parlor and
"“vented to him tny newly claimed
°*«pr1ng.
1,0 f*r I had succeeded In deceiving
■■■r uncle, but the worst I feared was
*t when Mrs. Kingsley returned »he
■ xht '.bjoct to my claiming ownership
• • r child. Reside«, to carry out my
I must fit .1 a wife M well as
i,L and Mrs Kingsley was the
y one I could conveniently claim
J '*nly difficulty was to get her con
B’to the deception, and this might
If I could aecure a private coo
H
*Z’t'nmv-7!.'a?er
’ !n,rodu''J H*GC". s great HORSK FARM '
kind, so that there should be no ad-
her to my uncle.
1 watched ni.v opportunity, and gain i.ml race» Seven Square Miles of Finest vantage In this respect on either side.
As a result. It was found that the
ed nn Interview with her before she
Blaegross i.snl.
guiuea pigs that lived lu au elecrc
entered the room. I told her. in a few-
M llionalr» J. B. Haggln is erecting environment gained lu weight during
brief. hurried words, the extent of my at Elmendorf, uear Lexington. Ky., a
a measured time Id per cent more than
difficulty, and how I had taken the lib F kai.isto residence. He Intends to speud
those In the nonelectric cage.
erty of acting as papa for her little otie. the remainder of hi-, days lu Kentucky
Dr. Herdman Is eonfl !• nt that or 1
I then told her I must tlm! a wife some and will endow the place »o that after
nary pigs. If subjected to similar tn at
where. and begged her to allow me to bls death it w.ll be ruu as a brooding
meat, would exhibit like results
II*
Introduce her to my uncle in that ca establishment. He has now 4.500 a res proposes to build suitably wired pens
pacity.
She laughed heartily at the and is buying as fast as owners can and to furnish the growing swine with
suggestion, said she could comprehend be lndtteiM to sell, lu order to put the regular suppl es of electricity, much In
my difficulty, and consented to nty pro establishment in a square tract. The the same way as was done with the
posal, but warned me roguishly not to main tract is that which was settled guinea pigs
presume upon the occurrence.
by the great grandfather of Mayor
Nobody can say w hat may be the dual
We entered the parlor, and I Intro Carter Harrison of Chicago The new Influence of this new discovery upon
duced her as my better half, My um le residence stands ui>on the summit of the pork trade, or whether the "elec rlc
was much pleased with her. and eotu- the long slope xxlthln a ItundriHl yards bacon” of the future may not command
plimented me upon my good cboice In of the old Harrison home. Hundred» a special price In the market.
The
the selection of a wife. Mrs Kingsley of men are working in the attempt to Imagination extends to almost any
colored most charmingly at this cotn- have the place ready for occupancy of lengths. Why may not the day come
pliment, and 1 could see she could the owner and his young wife by fall. when every cow In her stall shall have
scarcely refrain from laughing.
A short time afterward Mrs. Kings
ley came to me. when I was alone, in
an adjoining room, and 1 saw Imme
diately something very humorous must
have happened, for the corners of her
lips were breaking out Into beaming
smiles.
"Do you know, sir. Into what nn
awkward predicament you have gotten
tne?" she Inquired.
"What's the matter?” 1 asked.
"Why, your uncle came to tne a short
time ago and asked to see my marriage
certificate, as he said lie had some
money to settle upon us immediately,
but wanted to be sure everything was
right first.".
"Did you expose me?" 1 Inquired anx
iously.
"No, sir. I did not. for I never enter
Into a deception or anything else
halve».”
.-oOO.OOU l.l.SiDi.Nl E
"Then we must lose no time," I
plied; "If my uncle Is so anxious
Mr. Haggin's reasons
making her private w ire? And if electricity s
have our marriage certificate, let
this Ills permanent residence are that good for pigs, It may serve to fatten
put no obstacles in his way.”
We lost no time. I assure you. I Ills wife, as well as himself, is a native babies, or even grown persons who are
don't think Mrs. Kingsley ever got into of the State. After his death Mr. Hag- desirous of Increasing their a'olrdttpols.
her Sunday clothes In such n hurry in gin desires Ills widow to live lu the and thus most Interesting possibilities
greatest comfort
comfort and
and to
to continue
continue at
at the
the I for
for the
the Improvement
Improvement of
of the
the hitman
her life before, while I spoiled two greatest
pairs of suspenders in my frantic en head of the greatest breeding establish- phvsique are opened up. London Ex
deavors to be "on time." We quite as nient in the world. He will rename press.
tonished the parson by our haste, and the establishment "Green Hills."
Barrooms of the Bishop,
The house itself stands out like a
at the conclusion of the ceremony I
The people of England are much In
would have forgotten to give him the white landmark against tbe sea of
terested these days concerning the
usual fee if he had not reminded me green on every side, and can Is* «ceil working of the plan of the Bishop uf
for
miles
around.
In
this
home
of
hl»
of it.
Chester for dealing with the evil of ex
We had secured the coveted marriage declining years Mr. Haggln purimsed
cessive drinking. The Bishop thinks
to
spend
a
quarter
of
a
million
«lol-
certificate, signed and sealed, and were
that prohibition does not prohibit and
now safely out of our difficulties, as we lars, but so many alterations have been
that regulation Is much better. As reg
thought. We had omitted one precau made since the beginning that not even
ulatiou has lu view the evil done by
tion, as we found when we had pre the architects can tell what the cost
drinking, special palus are taken to
will
be.
The
house,
apparently,
is
al
sented the certificate to my unde. The
ready on the verge of completion, but j supply only the purest drinks. The
date was too modern.
houses under the Bishop's scheme are
"Why. how is this?” said my unde. so elaborate will be the finishing
to have a uniform external appear
touches
that
ten
months
or
a
year
will
"I thought you were married over a
probably elapse before the mansion is nnce, distinguishing them from ordi
year ago?”
nary licensed houses, notices prouii-
"So we were, unde,” I said, solemnly. really finished.
Some idea of the estate wbicli Mr. I «ently displayed that food and non
"How comes It. then, the certificate
intoxicants are supplied nt popular
Is dated to-day?” he asked in a voice Haggin intends to make of Elmendorf
¡nay be obtained from the Improve prices, the intoxicants to be placed nt
of thunder.
ments already made. The blacksmith's one end of the bar and the nonintoxl
We were both struck speechless.
cants at the other, with tables nt w hich
“Come.” said my unde. "I see there md wheelwright's shop, completely
buns, sandwiches, tea, coffee, etc., cittì
equipped.
Is.
of
course,
an
essential,
has been some trickery here. Own up
but oil this farm the blacksmith's shop be served.
to it, or I will never forgive you."
In villages the houses tire to have
I did own up to It, and told hint the is the central office of a complete tele
club, temperance and recreation rooms
phone
system,
connecting
twenty
live
whole story. I expected It would make
different points on tlie farm, and ruu and where apace Is available n billiard
him angry, but it didn't, for he laughed
nlng to tbe town office of C. J. En- room and library, with backgammon,
heartily, and said I was a clever rascal
right, who has tlie management of the, drafts and similar games, are to have
and he was proud of me.—Indianapolis
estate. A grain elevator, with machin- also a bowling green and other counter
Sun.
ery for cracking corn and oats and attractions to the bar and tap room,
mixing them, is an institution which no The Idea is that It Is hopeless to try to
MELODY MADE HIM HOMESICK
other breeding farm in the world extinguish thlrat for stimulants, but
XVa« in Hi» Nat ve Land, but the Banjo boasts. The power station, with two wise to reduce tbe danger arising from
large gasoline engines, will furnish excess or from bad whisky and beer to
I part Him.
A well-known Chicago Get matt nev > lights and electric power, and there is ' the minimum. The good of the drinker,
paper writer went to visit bis birth now in prospect a plant involving the I n()f the promotion of a theory, Is the
place on the Rhine a few weeks ago. expenditure of several thousands which main object.
with the intention of staying at least will cook food for tbe brood mares dur
Exhilarating Exercise.
six mouths. It was his first trip to Ger Ing the season flint they require it.
To
the
unaccustomed a drive In the
of
the
brood-mare
barns
nre
to
Many
many since he left there more than
automobile coupe In which most v’sl
twenty years ago, and before his depar lie torn out and more Improved ones tors decide to see Washlngt >n. is ex
ture he gave a supper to his English put in. and countless other improve-
and German frieuds. In a farewell
speech he told of bis great love for the
fatherland, but he added that lie loved
bls adopted cu'.'Utry with ns much fer
vor as any native born. His friends
cheered the seutimetit and tossed oil
their glasses to his health ami a safi
voyage.
One of the party, a German, created
no end of laughter by pndii ting that
the traveler would not st.'l.v away from
< hieago longe.' titan a month, lie him
self had made a visit to the old home
Inst summer, and after two weeks of
handshaking he wi.s anxious to return
to America, which lie did on the first
steamer that sailed from Bremen.
"I wager a supper for all wiio
here." sai l 'be otic who had been
Germany hist stimtner, "that our host
does not «tne In Europe six weeks.
He'll be homesick, or 'helmweh,' as we
Germans call It. before he is there ten
days, and If lie wants to take me up on
the supper proposition 1 stand r< a ly to
shake hands with him a.« a pledge that
lie accepts the wager.”
They shook bands, and the "attf w el-
dersehen" party came to a close in a
burst of German song.
Just five weeks from the day he left
Chicago the German traveler return'd
The next day bo resumed his desk on
the paper with with h he had long beeu
connected. During the week be sent
Invitations to the friends who were
with him the night liefore the depar
ture, Inviting them to the "helmweh”
supper, as he called It. The “tipp»‘r was
discussed last night nt a down-town
restaurant and this is what the trav
eler told bls friends:
"It was my Intention to remain in
Germany at least half a year, and I
probably would have done «o had I not
visited a drinking resort one day in
i Berlin, which is frequented by Atnerl
can tourists. Th're vas one of those
I automatic or electric bauj<s< in the
place, and when I beard It play 'Way
Down Epon the Suwanee River' tears
came to my eyes. Think of It! A Ger
man. born In Germany, crying over a
negro melody, which I had nexer heard
t'> A meri' a. The plain-
until I came
<
I tlve old tune Dlade me homesick for
Chicago e and I could no more shake It
|off than i I could1 fly. ThiO note, of th'-
d to burn Into
familiar • old BOIif
my brail n. and 1[ really lielleve if I had
I "
1
not »all« led on f he Aral
That
is
why
ip
in
wane.
iave
foe
would h
<cM»n .**
k
| I came ba
I
Is thel re any <>ne w ho »in doubt thi«
German' l’a love for th e Ft.rs and
go lat.-r • ic<-an.
Stripe»? Cb
O« can ! - ■ . ' Rates.
Within the last twenty years
rate» from and to Etigiatd La
creased from B» to 75 p « t cent.
The large»t rix-m
the »»r.J
room fur improxemenL
LET US ALL LAUOH.I
RECENT JUD'CIAL DECISIONS
-
• w III::ti the meaning of a
ituie exempting personal pro|>erty of
dents, us well as under the attach-
cent law is I.<!d. Ill State xs. Allen
xx Vat, .’si I It A. '-'si. to begin as
■■Kill as a I m T soii who lias formed the
'lletitioli of moving to another State
its t" lente the State, although be
lias not yet got outside of It and has not
lequi: I any domicile or reeldeuce lu
another State
X statute taxing vendor» of men han
dls. act' rdiiig to the amount of their
..:o i I »ale» and classifying them Into
. • t:i 1 .ml wholesale dealers and deal
er- at • \( hattges or boards of trade,
who are : ixc.l nt dlffereut rates. Is ttp-
I : Kulsely vs i'otterel 11'a i. .*><> L.
It x m : against the contention that It
nv.-id.-K the isTsoual llls'ity of the cltl-
. i and violates the requirement of
'orntily and similar objections.
ease of grain grown on mortgaged
I under euntrai t giving tlte owner a
d |*orti«in thereof for the use of the
ml it is held, tn Whitbed vs St An-
V A I • I’.l ivator 1 "U’.p.iny I N 1 > '.
'■o I.. 11 A 254. that on foreclosure
sit( h share as falls due during the re-
ilemi'tion period and would have be
longed to the owner except for fore
i Insure will Is'loiig to the purchaser at
'..n- Insure -ale under a statute giving
such pur'-liHscrs the rents during the
ro'leniption perltMl.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA-
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
I'lesssnt
NEW USE FOR ELECTRICITY.
Guinea Fig« Are Fattened by the
ploym -nt of th ■ Fluid.
E in-
This 1» the age of electricity, »o that
one Is not aurprlaed to bear that an
electric diet has been discovered
Naturally, you would conclude that
It Is designed to aid Invalids of weak
J.gestioc but It Is something of a shock
to learn that the latest scientific dls
covery has no nobler obje t than the
fattening of pigs!
Certainly, there Is an element of
novelty in the notion of eating electrici
ty fattened pork. B.sides. from pig»
we may yet rise to higher things.
Anyway. Dr. W. J. Herdman has
found out that the gnhanlc current pro
motes the growth of tissue— that Is to
say. the Increase of flesh
It had pre
viously been ascertaln«s! that plan's de
velop more rapidly under the electric
stimulus and there was no obv loan Tea
son w hy animals sbonld not t>e equa ly
rraponstve to it.
Hence the Idea of
Dr Herdman, which promise» well,
tl.o-iz'i Its I, ;- (' >n cannot as vet be
1 beyond the expert
P*
de
I
blliaratlng to a degree. Tlie man at
the helm makes n practice of m «'Ing
the wheels of coni carts by a I.a r’>
breadth and of swerving only the sec
oud before It seems that Ills vehicle!
must be struck by a trolley car.
If It xvere not for the tacit admis.l'in
It would convey that nn automob le 1«
not her every-day equipage at home, the
feminine visitor to the ('aplt.il would
fee! much I ke lean!: g from the window
and shouting directions In forcible Eng
llsh to the uniformed conclimi.n
A«
It Is. she calmly keep« her seit and
says—
"Isn't that a pretty hotel?" when
she's passing a park an ! vice versa.
But when she alights she do « not fall
to the pavement in a frenzy of prayers
of thanksgiving
Kl.e s restrain«'1 by
Twentieth Century shame, but her
gloves nre worn "tit from the fright grip
her finger, have had of each other dur
Ing the ord'-a! from wli'ch »lie baa JlHt
Is'en delivered
tlie
lutiu, Belec*
tious that X ou XX ill l-'.iijoj.
(>n the Contrary.
While watching the circus parade
"1 un b-rstand that x Iriouary chap Is
’Rasili» be- ame separated in some un regarded as being twenty years ahead
accountable way from Ids swis-tliearL of bls time.”
and he asked a policeman to help him
"No.” answered the grave-bsiklng
flud her.
citizen, "I am Ills landlord, aud I know
queried better than that.
"What does she look like
He Is aliout six
the oltleer.
months behind time.”-Washlugton
"she’s— Star.
' Well, sah." replied 'I
Ye.is'ab
she's a brunette, sah. ’
Ilrr Comment.
hat on her hald, an' her
"Fame." »aid the youth with the ear
ny. sah."
nest Intellectual expression, "Is so hard
X I.iterar« Round ( m
to attain! It 1» so difficult for one to
Tx Stubb'.ns the finished writer he get himself talked about!"
claims to lie?"
■ Humph!" rejoined the woman with
Ye-., In- was done for as S(x>n as his cold blue eye» and a firm Jaw. "You
book came out." Chicago Record.
Just ought to live In our neighborhood."
XX ashington Star.
A it Easy Mptlin I,
I'arke I think, after all. I shall put
A Lack of Reciprocity.
my son into politics.
"What makes that I>ook so haughty?"
l.ano How are you going to manage
"lie Is proud of his ancestors."
And I suppose It never once
It?
"I see
I’arko Oh. got him into the army.— occurred to him that his ancestors
might be more or less ashamed of him.
Harper's Bazar.
Washington Star.
A bn or hi at Drat ructi veueaa.
To Con I'ou nd XX l*e Men.
\\ hat U p Said.
< >n April 1. 1NM. an April Fool party
ns given at Newburg. N Y. Among
the giieat» were Edward Watkins aud
a young woman w hunt
be had known for a
year or two. It hap
pened also that It
w a s Mr. Watkins'
21st birthday. As he
tiulshed a dance with
the young woman lu
question some friends
tiegan to banter him.
ami promised that the
ismple should get married then and
there as a sort of April Fool Joke on
themselves and the rest of the world.
They wore willing, n minister sent for,
ami the marriage ceremony was per
formed
Mr. Watkins took Ills bride
home, and ull the village gossips pre-
dieted that they would be unhappy and
would soon separate. By way of con
founding their critics, almost all of
whom are dead. Mr. and Mrs. Watkins
celebrated the fiftieth anniversary of
their wedding on April 1. 11101, at their
home lu Williamsport, 1’a. Their four
children and n numlier of grandchil
dren met with them to help In the cele
bration Mr and Mrs. XVatklus jolued
the Baptist Church seven years after
they were married.
Mrs. Qulzz What did your husband
say when the stovepipe fell on him?”
Mrs. Meek—0, I wouldn't repeat It
for the world, but It’s equivalent to
dashes and exclamations lu a newspa-
per —Ohio State Journal.
I
A llo»'. Nature.
It makes no difference how much a
woman stuffs her boy before sending
him with his father's dinner, he always
looks starved when his father opeua
the bucket. Atchison Globe.
The Better War.
"Maude says she isn't going to sing
for nothing any more. ••
"H'ml If I had her voice I wouldn’t
sing for anything."— Philadelphia Bui-
Phrenologist Your bump of destruc letln.
tiveness Is very large. Are you a sol
Best lie Could Do.
dier or a pugilist?
“lxx>k at my desk; Isn't It In sad d!s
Subject Neither; l'tu a furniture order?"
"1’erhaps you are cramped for time?"
mover.
"That's so; If I had more time I could
Hou«e*CleaninkC Daye.
The t>oy knocked at the front door. make It look worse than It does now.”
—Chicago Record.
The bell was out of order.
I'reaently somebody was heard try
Life's Horrid Grind.
ing to climb over the furniture In tha
"It's so tiresome!" sighed the girl In
front hall and a woman's voice asked:
the fur Jacket. "No sooner do you get
"Who Is there?”
back from yotir winter trip to the
“Telegraph messenger." loudly re South than you have to begin to make
plied the boy. "Got n message for the up your mind where you are going to
man of the house.”
spend the summer. Sometimes I think
The attic window flew open, a cob life la hardly worth living!"—Chicago
webbed head was thrust forth, and n Tribune.
man with a wild, despairing voice yell
A Dilemma.
ed out:
Mrs. Von Blunter- I don’t know what
"Wrap It around a atone and throw It
we shall do about that cook.
up here!" Chicago Tribune.
Von Blumer What’s the matter now?
lint 1 here XX s» Tmutile,
"She threatens to stay.’’—Life.
Mr. .Mann Can you er take pills.
Hnmdrum Existence.
my dear?
Mrs. Muggins She says her life Is so
Mrs Mann Oh. yes; without a bit of
monotonous.
trouble.
M ra. Buggin»- Yes, she never even
Mr. Mann Thank goodness! 1 have n
bitter one for you; 1 just sat down-on scema to have any trouble with her
Philadelphia Record.
your new Easter hat and squashed It
ns tbit ns a pam-ako 1'lillndelplila
A Wine Coon.
Bulletin.
An Old, I>ld Ntory.
The stories that have for their theme
the use of linger Isnvls ns drinking
glasses are legion.
S<> numerous are
they, indeed, that one would think no
body remulued In the land so benighted
as not to understand the use of these
vessels, but there Is nt least one man
who does not. He was nt a hotel the
other night, and was evidently a brand
new bridegroom from rural parts.
His bride was with him, aud both
were shy and clothed In garments that
uere so painfully new they seemed to
creak when either moved tin arm or a
foot.
Not one word did the couple say dur
Ing the meal, and only the elegant
prominence of the little lingers of both
as they held their knives and forks
made their table manners conspicuous
until tne tlnger-bow Is were brought on.
Then the groom took up a tablespoon
and, to the unending amazement of the
Interested spectators, began with It
slowly Io sip the water from the bowl.
"Go ahead. Mandy.” lie said, eneotir-
aglngly, to Ills wife.
”1 don't believe I care for none,
Seth." »he replied, In n whisper, and
so he finished tills highly seasoned
course alone.
When Professor Huxley came to
America, he spent a few days nt Pc ter-
sham with the family of John Flake,
where the great scientist learneil, for
the first time, whnt a tin dipper Is. Thia
is the story aa Mr Fiske tells It In the
Xtlantic Monthly:
"Once In London, In speaking aliout
the starry heavens. I had said that I
never could make head nr tall of any
constellation except the 1 Upper. I add
ed that of course anybody nrusi recog
lilze In that the resemblance to a dip
|wr. To my surprise, one of the young
ladies asked. 'What Is a dipper?'
"My effort nt explanation went far
enough to evoke the Idea of a ladle, but
with that approximation I was fain to
l>-t the matter rest until that August
day In New England when, after a
tramp In the wood«, my friends, the
Huxleys, quaffed cool mountain water
from a dipper, and I was told that not
only I ho name but the thing la a Ynn
kee notion.”
It may bo added that In English popn
Inr books of astronomy, and In English
speech, the constellation of I'rsa Major
is known ns “the plow" or rather, nu
they sis II IL plough.
A Prai'tical Parent.
"No." »aid Mr. Control, gently, • 1
haven't the »lightest objection to your
asking my daughter to marry you."
"Thank you!” exclaimed the young
rnan with a title but no cash.
' You go ahead and ask her,' he pro
cecdixl thoughtfully
"I won't Inter
fere. I have given her a good education
aud taught her to read the newspapers,
The H, mpioms of Love.
and If she doesn't know enough to »ay
A German »<l«-ntl»t bits i«s-eutly • Jr- 'No.' why. «he doesn't deserve any bet
»crllx-d the aytnptotn« of love as foil ter luck " Washington Star
Ions in the Interior of
low « The o«(
Typewriter a Mascot.
a person'» I mh I v , as may I m * seen in the
1
One of the Women typewriters In a
ni ciy that Is to «...> they are at tlm Broadway hotel has copied no many
•j aurs-essfill plays that she has come to
with the oK-lllatloti« In the Interior ol be regarded as a mascot and superstl
aonic ottwr person « Ixidy. It 1», of tlous dramatists have been known to
course, ne« e«-ary that «lie reactionary wait until she was at liberty rather
«entinw-nt In the <-»»e of the t'.vu sub than trust to operators who have not
ject« should Is- of an agreeable nature, been so much favored by chance.
»ime the two vibration« facilitate the
The first »lx months after a girl ha*
movements of the atoms, w Lieb In this been graduated she talks of deciding
ease accumulate and emit their raya upon some career lu a tone that Itnpl .s
without disturbing the diffusion.
that all she has to do Is to decide, and
began bls experiments
g«, half a dozen of whh h
of two cages, taking - are
tld all b of exactly the
a to make the conditions
e from flaw a« pos-
ie of the cages be
re*, through wbh b
trlc.ty wa» pawing
When a man !» homesick, be b “g lia
bile noth ng of the to refer to bi« ol I home as "i • <>!'•
h tbe other. Mean Country."
period, the animals
Time well arranged iiidiiates a well
_
ft
w
a precisely
,n both C3M*** ” vic
-q al quantity of p o • B-ler or tbe same ur lerej ia i ml.
Occurring
eux in go I list A re < beer
ful to Old or luus.
Took llini st Hie Word.
Mother My dear, how could you re
fuse him? lie may never propose
again.
I laughter Hut. mamma, he sntil ho
would.
i oefnt.
Briggs Old you And your Frenchany
assistance to you while In Paris?
Griggs oh. yes. I could swear nt
the xvaiters by the hour and they never
knew It.
Judge You nre charged with ateiiBtig
six turkeys from Colonel Sinilax. Have
"I understand that one of your ances you any witnesses?
tors was a horse thief," said Billings to
Itnstus No. sab; you bet I ain't
I
Ricketts
dolin’ »teal turkeys befo’ witnesses.
"He was. Glad you mentioned IL I Still.
regard that uh a compliment.”
Tin1 a.
"How's that?"
"How do you pass the time?" In
"it I m an acknowledgment that I have
qulred the city visitor of the friend
Improved on my ancestors."
w ho had moved to the country.
A Niitiirnl *1 houurht.
"I don't puss It." replied the lady
Briggs Gilson tells um he has made w ho couhl always timi something to do;
a lot of money In Wall street.
"It passes me."
Griggs How much has Io-lost?
A ( <>m pl i men t.
Illixley and I he Hipper.
ments on the place are in project. Lour
or five years' time will be required to
put it In tbe condition that Mr. ll.tg
gin wishes.
Incblenta
XX or Id Over
Not • Case of Atari»*,
“These people that are always
pr. uTdng evolution and the survival
of the Attest are so inconsistent," re
marked the girl In the fur jacket.
"¡1- w so?” asked the other girl.
’ A --U knew that young professor who
w as trying to act so gay the other
evening? Well, I called him a mis-
cliievoiia monkey, and do you know he
got real mad about it!”—Chicago Trib
une.
The Usual C.illsi*.
Munn I wonder why Sax by Is al
ways railing against society?
Tuther I think it Is I ms ause society
seems to have put up a railing agtilust
him. Indianapolis I'ress.
Did An.vluily I.ver 1»,, That?
Rome one asks what Is tact. It Is
that feeling u III« It prompts a woman
to dig up the photograph of a friend
who la coming to visit, from the I mi !
tom bureau drawer, ami put It on the
parlor mantel. Atchison < ¡lobe.
•’The XX Indow's Pane Is in It* Mn»li.**
I
Kindllimtn What’s the matter, my
little man? You Ms-in to lie In great
pain.
I.lttle Boy (groaning dlxrnfilljr) No, I
ain't, but there seems ter l.e a gieat
pain In me. Troy Times.
lesgti'i |.
"What do the Filipinos appear to
learn most easily In connection with
our civilization?" asked the eager In
quirer.
Without hesitation the strategist re
piled:
"The value of money." Washington
Star
Wow'd Know t.n*«-.
Pailrut Now. doctor, what's the mat-
ter wltli me. anyway?
The Head Consulting Physician
My dear sir. do you suppose tluit If we
knew what was the matter with you
we would have decided to hold a post
mortem? Harper’s Bazar.
V.
There,
He They any the tern fiera tu re lt>
Florida ha* been about 75 all this
month.
Rhe Isn't that aggravating? To
think that they should have tempera-
lure like that there where It’s so warts
anyway that they don't really need IL"
—I’blla<l< Ipbia I’reaa.
tlow Fascinating.
Said the mlstrews of a Marsel'les
shop to a young and Impecunious
Journalist: "This is the sixth time you
have been here without saying a word
alwiut the mom y you owe me. inoli-
sieur! What am I to understand by
It?"
"Ah! tnadnute,” said the witty jour-
nallst, "when one sees you one forgets
everything.” Le Voleur.
I'ecttliar Girt.
"What a phenomenal girl Helen Is!”
"Why?"
"She says all men look alike to her."
Chicago Record.
Awin', ln,lee-l.
Buster 1 am having awful luck. I
am now down to my last dollar.
Ix-adbroke pshaw! that's nothing.
Wait till you are down to the last dol
lar of your last friend.—Life.
Misplaced Words.
According to French dictionaries, a
lorgnette Is an opera glass. and a lorg
non an eyeglass, but the two words
have become curiously mixed. In con
nection with this a highly cultivated
Philadelphia woman tells a good story.
Not long ago she went down town to
buy a lorgnon for a friend.
"I « t me b>ek at some gold and silver
lorgnons. ' she said to the clerk In the
Jewelry shop. ”1 w ant to see the pret
tiest you have.”
"You mean lorgnettes," said the
salesman superciliously. "That's the
word, lornet,” pronouncing It very
slowly.
"Perhaps I do.' said the lady amia-
lily: "at any rate. It's very kind of you
to tell me about It Now. If you will
show me i some I’ll be still further In-
debb-d to yon."
And he did. but he lost no opportu-
ntty. Just the same, of rubbing that
"lor-net” I In while be was displaying
hie wares.
«Hit of Their «Isss.
suci-css follows her dec .« on This self
Manhattan They are only amateur
confldeme very soon gets tattered
Solomon said: “A good mime is
actors, are they not?
around tin edges
Broadway Yea, but they are jealous rather to be cboooa tbau great riches
A do. tor ueier pays for a cigar al a enough of one another to be profession But Solomon was a millionaire and
could afford to say It.
drug atora.
al*. Ufa.