The Eugene weekly guard., March 09, 1901, Image 3

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.................
! ’hey
base - burner the thing .
The Old Man Says It Beats Other Heaters and that Steam
and Hot Air Won't Do for the Family Ise
. ........... .......................................... ;
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MINA.
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ir £»
i»r coy
I hire i
♦ki* «»
Post u
a. mai,
heos j
PO»»,
fies, y
lestios.
nv»ru.
> hose
that
ee ta
i tti>
!
1
Well you <■•“ talk a boot your a,e*m that above all things fashion
faSh|on should
eat and your hot water pipe* aud your I not be perru tted to decree inode» whose
uruace» and your natural gas all you effect is to weaken that moat sensitive
,aut to. but a» for me give me the good of the organs, th» eye. Yet It Is a de­
Id fasbluued base burner." aald the old plorable fact’that many of the fash
D a, be stretched out hla h inds to- ions are blindly followed by the fair
rard * glowing pattern ot bis favorite •ex at the behest of some "leader” In
eater ot the style of about 1S85. I the gay world of society
There'» something kind of artificial
The veil Is one of the fashions of the
bout theae other things, even natural t
a> ** has been of past times.
a8,” he continued. “Some way or
lie sex Is divided In opinion as to the
nother they don't go to the spot—not effects of the veil upon the vision, but
Ith me. They make me feel just like where you will find one to maintain
had on a new pair of boots, aud , that such an adornment fades the
figbty bad fitting ones at that. They complexion you will find ten to aver
o against the grain aud don't make that no i>enalties would prevent them
Be feel at home, And. beside*, they i from wearing It.
on t always deliver the goods, Now,
Go and ask an oculist his opinion, and
just look at thia one. You bet It de- ; what he has to say on the topic la to
liver» tbe goods all tbe time."
piump condemnation upon every veil
Tbe old gentleman was right, at the that is worn. Yet he will admit that.
Loment, at least, for In the lamplight ’ while some nets are extremely danger-
you could fairly see the heat shooting ’ OUS and deleterious to the eyes, others
sway from the base-burner. The ther­ are almost unlnjurtous. There are
mometer registered 87 degrees and the ' fashions in nets and gauzes, and many
furniture near by was beginning to smell are the variations with which the veil
¡•scorchy” and little warts in the paint I is worn, but in England it alw*ays cov-
had raised up od the side next the stove. ■ era the eyes, and it is here that the dan­
"Yes. sir,” went on the base-burner ger arises.
advocate, "you can't find anything
Of all the veils ever tried, the Ideal
that'll touch the base-burner.” (Cer­ one Is yet to be discovered. Rome worn
tainly his proposition would not have en can trace step by step Its evolution
been disputed Just then.) "There's a throughout the century. They have
lot of poetry to be found looking Into heard tbelr grandmothers talk about
I base-burner that is in good working the white lace "fall" that used to be
jrder. Now, where are you going to liked, and themselves can recollect the
Snd any poetry in looking down into a thick green, blue. gray, white and green
register that 1» spouting up nothing but gauze horrors worn to protect the com­
I big stream of hot air, and how are plexion from tan. Those veils were fol-
differed In color
Ha eel
about fiuditig out the reasous f <
this difference, aud tbe results of bis
luveatlgatluna have been published tu
La Nature.
There Is a paleness about the yellow
of tbe ten and twenty fraue pieces
which bear tbe effigies of Napoleon
1. and Louis X \ Ill. that is not
observed lu the gold of later uilntag*
Due
admirer of
coins
theae
speak*
of
their
color
as
a
"beautiful
paleness”
ex
and
presses regret that It Is lacking In later
coins. The explanation of It Is very
simple. The alloy that entered Into
tbe French gold coins of those days
contained as much silver as «topper,
and It was the silver that gave the
coins their Interesting paleness.
The coins of tbe era of Napoleon 111.
were more golden In hue. The sliver
had been taken out of the alloy.
The gold coins of to-day huve a still
warmer aud deei>er tinge of yellow.
This Is because the Paris mint as well
as that In London, melts tlie gold ami
the copper alloy In hermetically settled
boxes, which prevents tbe copper from
being somewhat bleached, as It alwa.v»
Is when It Is attacked by hot air; sothi
present coins have the full warmness
of tint that a copper alloy can give.
If the coins of to-day are not so hand
some In the opinion of amateur colie«*
tors aa those Issued by the first Napo­
leon. they are superior to those ot
either of the Napoleons In the fact
that it costs less to make them. The
double <>|M*ratlon of the oxldstlon ot
the copper and cleaning It off the sur­
face of the <*olti with adds Is no longer
employed; and the large elimination ot
copper from the surface of the coins,
formerly practiced, made them less re­
sistant under wear and tear than ari
tbe coins now In circulation.
PARIS IS BEST FORTIFIED.
Twenteon. Miles of I'efenses
Guard the Freoch Capital.
a uj
1« kart
id Ut«
Lnxttte
ediag »¡
i coa» V
j-oítárt
reven
POW«.
•ma.a ,
upc® 31
« poiky
úaley g
>eac e it
’’LERI
L 'dei
AROUND THE OLD BASEBURNER.
lyou going to find it putting your feet
I up agalust a steam radiator? Shucks!
ITbere's nothing In the world like a
Ibase-burner for the family to gather
laround. 1 tell you the base-burner Is
[the heart of the home. Here the ehll-
[dre'i and the old folks can get together
[in the right kind of style. Imagine a
family gathering around a steam coil
or snuggling up to the hot air shooting
up from the furnace. That would pro­
mote a family feeling In fine style,
wouldn't It?"
"You see, the old base-burner, with
Its ruddy glow and radiating beat, just
sends out good feellug that can't I>e
resisted. When the winter blasts are
howling outside, fairly shaking the
chimney, and shrieking around the
corners and banking up the snow
against the side of the house, then's
the time you realize what home would
be without a base-burner. That's the I
time that all of ua hustle up to the
stove in a kind of semi-circle. Noliody
gets clear behind the stove, where the
chimney is. but that's the only place
they leave clear. Then we just have a
'owed by thinner silk ones, which in
their turn were deposed In favor of
those of thread lace, after which came
the many alMitnlnatlons still exploited,
to wit, mesh nets dotted and patterned
In various ways.
Just now they are wearing most cur­
tailed ones again, and a feeling has
also come In there for the utter ban­
ishment of the veil. A more uncomfort­
able and Imbecile affair for afternoon
teas than the mask and the chin veil
Is cannot be Imagined.
It la a sign of grace, perhaps, that the
question which Is being much debated
now among smart people Is whether the
veil does not accomplish so much harm
to the visual organ as to outweigh all
other considerations In its favor. They
wonder whether a veil could not he con
trlved that would lenve the eyes uncov­
ered. while It beautified and protected
the rest of the face. As a pattern, noth
Ing could be better than the Turkish
woman's yashmak, which is justly held
to be the most modest face covering In
existence.
The very beat Is a veil as fine ns gos
Now
The best fortified city lu the world
is Paris. It Is defended by seven great
forts atiout the city, eight miles away
from Its walls; nineteen smaller forts
four miles out. each containing three
acres and mounting two ninety five-
ton guns. Great stacks of loo-pound
melinite shells are ready for these
guns to hurl. There Hre twenty-one
miles of continuous fortlticntiuns alsiut
the town—earthwork walls 150 feet
thick at the base and fronted by forty-
five-foot moats. So cleverly are the
forts maskeii by long slo|a*s of green
turf and the walls by trees anil bushes
that one can pass In ami out of Paris
a dozen times and see scarcely a trace
of Its fortifications.
The rntige of tlie ninety five-ton guns
Is fourteen miles. To work these guns
Paris has 5O.(»s» trained artillerymen
among her reservists. She could man
every gun twice over, garrison all he
forts with Infantry reservists and put
a dozen cavalry regiments Into tin
field for aeotitlng purposes. Such r
performance uo other city on eartl
could rival.
At every 1,000 yards along the inner
slo|>e of the fortltieatlons Is a three
Btory guardhouse. Some 20,000 troop*
could thus lie sheltered within call ot
all attackable points. Every horse ovei
4 years old is registered. The general
staff could choose from some 120.001
horses. There are In Paris 1,000 cabs,
with three horses to a cal>—48.00«
mounts fairly suitable forcavalry. Add
20,000 tram and bus boraea and 50,00«
draught horses- the balance may 1»
taken as in private hands. The mill
tary stores of Purls are boundless. In
a day she could arm and clothe 450,001
fighting men with 70,000.000 rounds ol
melinite cartridges, and nt the army
bakeries she reserves large stores Of
grain.
What the Nultnn Spends.
The yearly expenses of the Sultan of
Turkey have been estimated at no less
a sum than 130,000.000. Of this 37,500.
000 aloue Is spent on the clothing of tbe
woman and ihn.ooo ou the Sultan's
own wardrobe. Nearly 37.800,000 1«
swallowed up by presents, 35.000,000
goes for jioeket money, and still another
35.000,000 for the table. It seems lucred
■hie that so much money can possibly I m
sjient la a year by one man. but when II
Is remembered that son« fifteen him
—Orden V
■d battete»
t crgxstai
p*-»*g»»»l
>e 5tt ta*
I bas be«1
iaht: ia!<
àrsi ;*teA
SIGHT TRAPS—FIVE SPECIMENS OF THE INJURIOUS VEIL.
•£ Lack.
- Ths Bri
•L3g tas •
New Yart.1
time <;•
vesvei
ITT . » for S
t of tier *•
he pot is F
larr ,i. Jl
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Repsuv *
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h 4 —Tk«*
i aft«'3**’
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ijef
*0
(4
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» deRC',,<
be
Q—t*”
!• Bex »ff
CM»
Jg'*od old family talk. Me and the boys
yank off our boots go's to get real com-
I fortable and tha women folks peel the
apples an' wt crack nuts, eat popcorn
an' drink cider an' have the all-firedest
good time you ever did see.
“Then If any of the boys has got
bruises on their anklea where their
boot* rubbed while they were tryin' to
•kate, this Is the time lhat mother get»
out her home-made salve and fixes 'em
up You can't do tricks like that In
front of a hot water radiator. I s'pose
If the boys broke through the Ice and
come in with their feet wet they could.
mayt>e. dry with furna.*e er steam heat,
but they couldn’t do It quick and do it
Food and right, like they could with
the old base-burner.
"An' you say all you please about
theae new-fangled heats, but you can't
make me believe that you er me could
look at 'em bard enough er long enough
to eee things In 'em. They wouldn't
help you none to solve yer problems er
lighten yer burdens But you can git
•Il that kind of help out of tbe base­
burner Ye can see figures and things
In tbe red-bot coals you couldn't And in
no radiators er register* I've looked
into them oalc many and many a time
and found out bow to do Just the right
thing All I bad to do was to keep look
in' there long enough and the way was
made clear. Why. I want to tell you
• <‘">d base burner just bents a era. '
fortune teller all to piece* every day
the week.
VEILS AND THE EYESIGHT.
a»«en often Rain Tbelr Vlelon
Wearins *»rh Gaos*.
Miner, which can also be most becom­
ing, too. It has no spots at all upon It.
and so does not worry the poor tortured
eyes that have to dodge spots or vainly
I
and unconsciously try to focus them,
one of the worst possible exercise* to
which weak or Imperfect sight can be
put. The retrograde step Is taken by
Russian net veiling, which need not.
however, be very trying If the mesh be
fine, for It Is unspotted.
Then come the quite condemned veil*
which have chenille spots all over them:
they are bad In proportion, as their
dots are close and large or scanty and
small, but they are less sightwearing
than a veil that Is patterned as well as
spotted, a veritable agony to sensitive
sight. White veils are often much more
evil in their effects than black, for the
material, be It tulle or net possesses a
faculty for dazzling the vision and
making everything seet through It
wavering and 111 defin«*d. Finally, has
not tbe case been proven that those
who are conscious of strain, a lack of
clarity of sight or weariness ifter wear
Ing a veil, should give up the task of
looking smart at the expense of vision
Even the strong argument In favor of
veils of a sensible and clear mesh,
which the oculist* do not attempt to
deny, namely, that such net* do keep
tbe eyes from the assault* of grit, es­
pecially during a drive or while cy-
. Ung and motoring, should not appeal
to tbe weak sighted.
COLOR OF GOLD COINS.
Fessons
b>
f«r
piffererò ••
In
Tint
Cot«« nf trench Mint«»«.
of
dred people live within the palace walls
live luxuriously and dress ex|M*uslvely
at the cost of the civil list, it appears a
little more comprehensible.
Odd and Even.
One would think that twelve war
more entitled to be considere«! an
"even” nnmber than ten. for Its half Is
an "even,” whereas tbe half of ten Is
odd.” Yet on the Stock Exchange
twelve Is an "mid" number. The house
takes five shares as the basis of deal
Ing. remarks Commerce, and all multi­
ples of five are considered "even" num
I h / ts . Any Intermediate nutnlter» are
"odd." and parcels of shares not divis­
ible tiy five are difficult to sell, except
at a reduced price.
Hr Is Still Trying to Evplaln.
“Women are tnudh more thoughtful
and considerate than men." remarked
Mr. Meektos’s wife.
“I know they are. Henrietta; I know
they are." was tbe thoughtless nnswer
•Take our own caa« for example I re-
tueinber that you refused tne half a
dozen time* before you 'nally yielded
to my entreaties to inarry me ”—W ash
Ington Star.
Tall««« Men In llrltmh ( oirnncna.
Tbe tallest man In the last British
Hom of Commons wan Eugene Wanon.
who has Iieen re elec teil member for
Clackmannan an«! Klnroon. Fils brother
Cathcart Waaon, the winner of Orkney
and Shetland in the Lnloolst Interest. I«
half an lm*h taller.
If a woman Is provided with a black
drees, she feels that there s really no
reason why «he should not attend every
funeral.
Rome flJte ago a Frenchman placed
One would naturally auppoee the eye together a numbers of gold coin* of
eight Is of aueb Inestimable value that French mintage of the beginning
Fools are apt to d seem the faults ot
Fati*a>al human beings would s> rup i- middle and end of the last century He
th»'- I ethers and sverlook their own.
leualy »bun all risk of impairing IL auJ was mu*_k surprised to
WAS A NOTED OTTI. AW
CAPTAIN
STARLIGHT A TJ RROR
IN AUSTRALIA.
He Had Some thivalry in Bia Nature,
However, for He Saved the Uvea of
His
Eoemv'a
Wife aud ChilJrcu
A
Wild la rear.
The original “Captain Starlight.” the
famous bushranger In Rolf Boldre-
wood’a "Robbery Under Arma,” bas
been diacuvered, aud when tbe last
Australian mall left Freemantle every-
hotly waa talking of him aud his
startling and daring career.
Some time ago "Major” l’elly met bis
death in Perth by accidentally swallow
Ing an overdose of (tolson. He was a
member of the civil service of Western
Australia, and acted as tbe secretary
of the government gvologlsL It is this
man l’elly who has uow been identl-
fietl with tbe notorious bushranger
Gordon, tbe original of Boldtewood's
celebrated knight of the road.
His real name was Frank Pearson.
He received tlie greater part of his
education at Rome. After a wild life
In London he emigrated to Australia,
and in lw>4 he joined a gang of bush­
rangers, ot which he noon became the
recognlze«l leader. Illa associates called
him "Captain Starlight,” but after a
time he left the gang, because he was
opposed to their brutal iustincta. He
then Jolnetl a young fellow named
Rutherford, and the pair carried out
many skillful and daring robberies of
oanka, and also of gold while It was
ts*ing carried from tlie digging* to the
large towns.
A reward of il.000 was offered for
the arrest of "Starlight," and £Ntk> for
his comrade. One Sunday evening
they were surrounded by the police
while drinking In a public bouse. In
making their escape, "Starlight” waa
shot through the shoulder. The “cap­
tain" having reached hla hiding-place
In the mountnin sent Rutherford to a
Frenchman a publican, to obtain
money deposited with him, In order
that the two bushrangers might de-
| camp from the district.
When
Rutherford reached the
Frenchman's place he apprised the
landlord of tbe object of hla vlsIL and
i that worthy whispered to him to
| "stick up” the men in the bar. The
young outlaw turned to do so, when
the Frenchman actuated, no doubt,
by greed, throttlisi him from behind.
In the struggle Rutherford's pistol
went off, and he was shot through the
brain.
"Starlight” vowed vengeance, and
i before dnwn one morning set tire to
the Frenchman's house and stayed In
front of tlie only outlet with a loaded
revolver, waiting for his victim. But
the screams of a woman and her two
•hildreti inside changed bls purpose,
tnd the bushranger rushed into the
flames and rescued the three at the
Iierll of his life. In the confusion the
Frenchman eacaped.
Soon afterward the “captain” WAS
surrounded by mounted police, ami
after a tierce struggle, In which be
shot one of the constables dead and
was himself desperately wounded, he
was captured. He was sentenced to
leatli, but tills was commuted to penal
servitude for life. After serving six­
teen years and four months he was re­
leased in 1S84.
No one In the West Australian civil
service had the remotest Idea of the
“major's” real antecedents. London
Mall.
DREAMS AND THE FAIR SEX.
Superstition that Is Rife Even A mong
Educated Women,
It doesn't seem possible that In this
enlightened age superstition could be
rife among tbe adueated, but tbereare,
nevertheless, a number of young
women who converse fluently if not
eloquently In three languages, anil who
.read Spencer and Browning and Enter
sou, but who place a dream book with
their Bible on the tnhle lx*slde the bed
and consult It in the morning the first
thing.
With a credulity worthy a darky
mammy. If their sleep lisa tieen visited
with unusual visions, they seize this
volume as soon as their eyes are fairly
opened and look for an explanation. If
misfortune Is foretold by It the seeker
after knowh*dge assumes a bravadoshe
is far from feeling.
•
"I don't care,” she says to herself, by
way of bolstering up her courage. "I'm
not superstitious, anyway, and I don't
believe In such arrant nonsense." But
she’s nervous. Just tbe same, for a
couple of days, until other trouble*
have driven thia mythical one out of
her mind.
There’» one young woman known to
the writer who never dreama of
young child without shivering and
shaking for day* after. In fear of some
dreadful thing happening to her. Rhe
has not consulted a dream t»ook on the
subje<-L ami so ahe doesn't know how
infants and bad luck Is-came conno t­
ed In her mind, but nevertheless, after
she has had a visitant of this sort
while sleeping she says prayers of un­
usual length and then makes up her
mind to be patient under afflictions
sore.
Rhe Is an Intelligent woman, mind
you. but she do«*sn't nttempt to ex­
plain the terror that lieaeta her at this
particular dream.
Rhe do«*an't call berselfsuperstitious;
of course, no woman does, not even the
one who won't walk under a ladder;
but her friends do. and make light of
her until she exposes some fetich of
thelra. when the subject Is carefully
avoided afterward - Baltimore New*.
DOWN IN THE SOUTHWEST,
Brother of Jolla Arthur Telle of Life
1« That Quarter.
"Rome years ago I was traveling
through the Southwest representing a
Cincinnati manufacturing concern,"
said Arthur I«ewla at tbe Holland
House recently Mr Lewis Is a brother
to Julia Arthur, the well known ar
tress. and la Interest«! in tha manu­
facture of automobile*. “It was a bit
rougher down there then than It la
now," continued Mr. Lewie, "and It Isn't
any too smooth now I remember It
was a hot day and we were running
along a narrow gauge railroad leading
into Fort Worth. Tax**. 1 was stand­
I ing on the rear platform of the train
i
when It slowed up at a sage brush sta I
lion
1 carelessly uotlced three men
staudlng ou tbe platform. Suddeuly
there was a pistol report. Due uf the
men staggered aud fell, tbe second
jumped sideways and made off for the
bush with a swift, ri'Oehetlttg move­
ment. like a pheasant. Tbe third uiau
pull«*d a guu and took two shot* at the
fugitive, but missed, Tbeu he beut
over the fallen man. The man who
had I h '< u shot I caught It just as I
ran up said grimly: 'Never mind me;
get him.' Without a word tbe man
jumped on a horse and started after
the one w ho had doue the shootlug.
"We carriert the wounded man onto
the train aud stretched him out In the
parlor ear. He was a great, big,
bronzed fellow. I learned that lie was
the sheriff of tbe county and that he
and his deputy had roumled up a Mex­
ican horse thief aud were taking him
to Fort Worth. The Mexican was all
right until the train pullisl in. Then be
changed tils nilud or something, for he
suddeuly grabbed a gun out of the
sheriff's licit, let go one shot and made
off. When we opened Ills shirt there
was a wound In bls breast that would
make your heart alck. It looked as If
you could stick your fist In it. The
sheriff w as game. He directed us how
to take hla clothes off. to make a cold
w ater compress and make him as easy
as possible. When everything was done
that could be done be said, quietly:
"Thank you, boys, but I guess this
will be enough for me. I guess I am
through.’ Then he told us what lie
wanted done with bls things, had a let­
ter written to his wife aud. when lie
had put his mind at ease, he seemed to
lose consciousness. He was that way
for half an hour and then he stirred.
We asked him If be wanted anything
and he shook his head feebly, Then
he said, weakly: 'Say, It would be a
---- g<s>d Joke on that greaser If I did
die.’ He didn't say anything more.
When we got to Fort Worth he was
taken off the car to a hospital. Some
years later 1 was In St. Louis It was
during the Republican convention of
181)«— when a man touched me on the
shoulder. 1 looked up. 11 was the
sheriff and he looked att fine as a colt.
I said: 'How Is the greaser?’ The
sheriff said broadly: 'We got him and
he alu't enjoying the same extraordin­
ary gisal health a« yours truly. Have a
drink Y 1 found out that the sheriff
had pulled around after several months
and that the Mexican was killed resist
Ing arrest.” New York Tribune.
GOOD
< >
$bort $torie$ ;i
LET US ALL LAUGH.
dOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA-
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant
Incidents
World Over
Occnrrl««
th«
Huying» that Ar« ( heer-
The Qneetlmi with Him.
“The question,” replied Prince Tuan,
“Is whether or not there shall be any
partition uf China."
"It oifurs to me.” said Prince Chung,
“that the main question la whether or
nut there shall be any partition of you
and I.”—Baltimore American.
How to Keep In the hvlrn.
"Mrs. Fotherlngay Jlbba came to my
reception without an Invitation."
tiona that You W ill Kujoy.
"You don't mean It?"
"Yea; she explained to me that she
'So you bad a good time on that ex­
felt sura my omission of her was an
cursion. Mrs. Wiggins?"
oversight."- Indianapolis Journal.
“<»h. Just grand.’
"Did you have any adventure«?"
Running Expenses,
"1 think so; I got ou the wrong train
Jones They say the running expense»
going, lost my pocketliook and um of Slobb, Jobb A Co. eat up all the
brella. broke my spectacles twice, and profits. '
got on the wrong train coming home."—
Smith How so?
Indianapolis Journal.
Jones Slobb was running for Con­
gress and Jobb was playlug the race*
Men's ««pinion*.
“You can't tell some women any­ —Puck.
thing."
Plain Evidence*
"Of course not; they won't »top talk
Wife What shall we uarne the baby,
Ing themselves long enough to let you ” John?
—Philadelphia Bulletin.
Husband I have decided to leave
that entirely to you. my dear.
Which He Never Got,
"John, you've been driuklug again!”—
Customer I want to get a tun of coal.
Smart Set
Dealer- What size?
Customer Th«* legal 2.2-10 pound six«.
And l>o it First,
If you picas«*. Philadelphia l’nsas.
Asklt What la your understanding
of the Gulden Rule? Does It meau
Ju*t Think of IL
"Do uuto others as you would 'like' to
be duua by?”
Blancas No; my Interpretation la:
"Do uuto others as you uvuld 'be like
ly’ to l>e doue by.”- Philadelphia Press.
Cui to Old or Youug
Fuuaj H«loc-
The Professor's tXlemms.
Booker -Prof. Delvingtou is In a ter­
rible quandary.
Hooker—Why, what's the trouble?
Booker He tins discovered a new d*a-
ease and can’t find any germ for It.—
Chicago News.
A Sure Indication.
“Here,” said the agent of the steam­
ship line, “are a few of our circular*
and booklets, giving detailed descrip­
T2
tion« of winter toure to out-of-the-way
places on our vessels."
Dear Mother My birthday will soon
The bank cashier paled and shrank
be here, and ns I write tills I sit with back with a gesture of alarm.
my window open. Think of doing this
“Take 'em away!" he gasped. "If
In New York lu January.
one of the Directors 'ud see those things
sticking out of my pocket he'd put a
Strike ii Unices«,
bunch of experts on my books! Take
Cahill Was the strike a success?
Cassidy It was. After being out six 'em away!”—Washington 1’osL
Weeks we succeeded lu glttin' back our
A Hurpriwe.
Jobs. Puck.
"What's the matter with Jones? Ila
looks troubled.”
Beano I.lke One,
Mamina Once upon a time there was
"Well, you know he was desperately
a goose that laid golden eggs
In love with Miss Gaygirl, and one
Little Eddie (Interrupting)—Is we to night he thoughtlessly asked oer to
believe this story, mamma?
marry him. and---- ’’
Mamma (nmuaed) Just as you pleas«*.
"She refusetl him?"
Little Eddie (with a sigh of relief)—
“No, she accepted him.”—Colorado
Ob. I thought perhaps it was a Bible Springs Gazette.
story. Brooklyn Life.
On ill« Mind«
Hhaltiptarean CrlttcGm.
“Feller name o' Shnkspeare fool«*«!
One night, at tbe Garrick Club, a
numlier of the members were dtecuaa- our folks purty well hi«' week,” said
Ing tlie merits of a new Hamlet who Mr. Misldergrass. "He gave a show
iisd apiM*are«l that evculug. W. 8. Gil called 'Julius Oaeaar* down to the
ls*rt bail taken no part In the argu opry house, an' blamed ef the whole
m«*nt>. for or against. At last one of the thing wasn't made up out o' piece«
others ventured: "Well, Gilbert, what that's been spoke at the school exhibi­
do you think of his Hamlet?” "OU." tions here for twenty year." Baltimore
responded the witty librettist, "1 think American.
It was funny without being vulgar.”
A Common I'urentage.
Joslier They say that Mrs. Newrocks
Richard Henry Dana, author of "Two
Years Befon* the Mast," told an amusing simply wou't Is* snublied.
Teacher Who can name the bon«» of
Bighead Well, there wouldn't beany the skull?
story to William Dean Howells of the
Pacific trade, lu which he said it was body In society uuleas they had had an­
Bobby I've got ’em all In my bead,
very noble to deal In furs from tbe cestors Jinet like her. Life.
but I can't think of them.
Nortliw«*st. an<I very Ignoble to deal In
Incontestable Fron',
Thought He Ate the Tires.
hides akmg tlie Mexican and South
Belle Do you think Chapple loves
Star Boarder—Well, even If thia la an
Anii*riean coasts. Every ship's master me?
age of improvements, they have not yet
wished, naturally, to Is* in the fur-car­
Grace I know It. He told me to day
rying trade. <>u one occasion, how­ that lie was going to shave off his mus­ found a substitute for the Thanksgiv­
ever, two vess»*ls. one engaged In each tache so he could devote more thought ing turkey.
Mr. Sourdropp- I don't know. I think
of the two trades, met In mldocenn ami to you.- Smart Set.
they gave us some stewed automobile
entertsl uisiti tbe usual nautical dialogue
last year Baltimore American.
The Result.
regard lug their respective porta of de­
Towne- Newman took part In an
parture and destination. It was the
Overdid It ■ Little.
honored fur carrier who h«d lM*gun the automobile race mit long ago.
Rev. Mr. Saintly I was very sorry
Brown -That so? How did lie come
conversation, ami from It came through
that I couldn't fill my pulpit last Sun­
the trum|M*t the final question: "What out?
day, but 1 hope you liked my substi­
Towne-
On
crutch««,
about
a
month
cargo?” After all, hides and furs are
tute.
both ;wits, atxl the challenged captain, later. Philadelphia Pres«.
Mrs. Wltherby—Oh, yes. He was fine,
yielding to temptation, roared hack,
When bhe Doesn't Ring.
and I told my husband, who didn't go,
recklessly: “Furs!" There was a mo
that be little knew what he had
me nt of hesitation; then, wording his
missed.—IJfe.
suspicion* as considerately as possible
Worse TeL
the other captain shouted back, "Here
Mr*. Wunder What are theae straw-
and th««re a horn?"
berrlea worth?
M. Dollfus soys In his book, “Mod-
Marketman Ona dollar, lady.
elea d'Artlatea,” that Victor Hugo nevgr
Mra Wunder—What? A dollar a
"sat ’ for any of the popular portraits
box?
and photograph* which were In great
Marketman—No, mum.
A dollar
demand during the later years of his
apiece. Baltimore American.
life. Dolfua claims that th««y were not
I>ortralts of lingo, but of a crayon
A Vary Good Rseeon.
seller of the I.atln quarter, who bore a
Sunday School Teacher—llerlierl, can
striking rv»> nddan<e to tlie great au­
you tell me bow Chrlatnias came to ba
thor. The sulsitltut«* earned a gissl In
celebrated?
come by loosing for the*«* |s>rtralts, ami
Little Herbert (promptly)—Yes'tn.
the resemblance Incidentally brought
Ranta Claua was born on that day!—
Harry
Dountown
(to
country
sweet
him other lH-n«*fita. He waa largely re-
Philadelphia North American.
•fHinsible for tlie common rumor that heart I Mlns Mllkyweigh. do you play
Co mi Id.
It was Victor Hugo's custom to ride in and sing “When the Cows Are In th*
"Did you do nothing to resuscitate
cheap public conveyan«*«*». even In the Corn?”
Miss Mllkyweigh Izird hl«*«« you, no! the tiodyT’ was recently asked ot a
coldest weather, mid to permit his ad
witness at a coroner’s Inquest.
mlrers to pay his three cents fare. In I get tlie dogs ami chase 'em out.
"Yes, sir, we searched,the pockety"
the evening the crayon-sjdleir frequented
Or One Mind.
was the reply.-Sacred Heart Review.
the cafe« and accepted “treat*" from
Teas Yes. Charlie and I agree per­
credulous persona, who boasted next fectly. He thinks I am Juat too aweet
Not • Suffragist
day of their familiarity with the po«*t. for anything, and-----”
"Madam, are you a woman suffra­
In this way the Impostor aatlsfled hla
gist?”
Jeae That prove* It.
thirst for wine and fame at small ex­
"No, sir; I haveu't time to b«."
Tea* How do you mean?
But.
able!
Victor
Hugo
died,
pense,
"Haven't time? Well, If you bad
Jes* I mean that, of «tourse, you
and with him went Ida double’a reflect agree with him Philadelphia Press.
the privilege of voting whom would you
rd glory.
support?"
Dr. D. B. Hill, who lived In Spring
Her Kscnse.
"The same man I have supported for
Clara What Is your Ideal In being en­ the last ten years my busband."—
field, IU„ from 183« to 1848, tells this
characteristic story of Abraham Lin gaged to a man old enough to be your Modes and Fabrica.
cola, with whom he was personally ac­ father?
quainted: "On«to Llmviln waa defemllng
Maud—1 didn't know but I would
Proof.
a man who w as accu*«*<l of cheating an marry him.
A low cry of anguish fell from her
other man In a business deal. Lincoln
lip«.
Got Wh.i Thar Wanted.
waa arguing before the jury that his
"My heart Is broken!" she moaned,
Their Caller 1 don't see why Cotint
client had no Intention to defraud when
Guardedly we expressed a doubt of
Pa rcbesi and his American wife should
tbe transaction occurred; in fact that quarrel.
thia.
be never thought he was chi-ntfng the
“Yea. year persisted the girl, wildly
Mias
Davis
Their
Interests
clash,
do
man. Pointing bls flt>g»T at Judge they not?
wringing her hands,
For why. elee.
Ixigan. bls partner. Lincoln said: 'Any
have I to-day written fewer than ten
Their
Caller
Not
to
any
marked
de
­
txjy you meet In the street knows how
page* In my diaryF*
to put on bls cloth«« You all kins that gree. She wanted a foreign alliance,
Now although we bad comparatively
and
he
a
foreign
allowance,
that's
all.
-
Judge Isigan la h*arn««d In the law, and
amali understanding of the aubtier
Harlem Life.
noliody would aii'Use him of doing
motives of the everlasting feminine,
wrong. You will observe be lias bls
Pu«i*he«L
we felt instinctively that her« waa
shirt on with the wrong side In front
'What are you reading. DorieF’
proof not lightly to be gainsaid.—De­
Now. the Judge never lntend«*d to do
'Papa’s poems "
troit Journal.
that when be put hla shirt on. You see.
Been naughty F’—Punch.
fieople do wrong without Intending to
Wheat Consumption of the World.
«►■• Inatanr*.
do so. If my client has dooe anything
The bread eaters of the world require
“Thoma*,” »aid tbe teacher of the more than MOO.OOO.OOO bushel« of
wrong, he never in!«tod«*d to do so any
more than Judge lx>gan inteudril to put class In physiology, “can you give a wheat every twelve month*.
on ids shirt with the back side In front' familiar luatancs of the power of the
An irreverent writer says that
Sure enough. Judge lx*gan had bls shirt human system to adapt Itself to
Satan’s fall was probably due to bls
on wrong and tbe use IJncoln made of changed conditions?”
••Yea'm, respond««! Tommy Tucker. having slipped on a peal of thunder.
to« [«srtn«-r's mistake In dreoa caused
"My Aunt Abigail gained a hundred
hla client to get off free.”
A young uiau seldom believes that •
pound* In fl«*ah In leaa'n a year, an' her
A pretty girl always looks like the akin didn't crack a particle.” Chicago girl enjoys a kiss uuless be baa it fruía
plc.’urs ou a magasin« corer does* L
Tri bun«.
bar uwa Up*