h
^ th E first grandchild .
L-jnwtbtr!'’
rr,i a c earn«
L
farmer, and
WHEN THE ALAR*! BELL R)N05 AT HAFEKINŒ
of cultivation
‘
MAN-EATING LIONS. i out
.^7..'™!!'
enough now aud then
to iH-uetrate “
a OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
p°rcb •
-«J «ml 'a««'r at ** a:raD«* D,w
-d
OBSTRUCT RAILROAD WORK IN
CENTRAL AFRICA.
Voracious Beasts Kill Nearly Our Hun
ciock within rang forth the chime for
dred Men and Injure Many Others
Bead “ ,UlCk' b°W
J°U
r b’lband. smiling, leaned upon the
1 the git«-
krr» »
bvtvr, '
’ Era
•'wi m a
1 t'«ts
w led ,
MH JL
' kin
the* 2
arm'» !*nitb bolJin* ln bia ,rembllnS
1 h»ml
’ja cri»P white sheet, while the writing
acanntsi*
,h „»J once more, with voice almost
unmanned;
n. pamldaughter salutes thee,
Bell ”
„ .
Liher and <*ild‘ tbauk God' are
well."
a
moment's silence on the proud
‘ fcU.
'Baby
doing
.
twain
broke It soon. "Grandfather, 1 con-
grdt----
bat. me?” the good man cried, lifting
his hat—
indfatber’—me? I hadn t thought of
nent »
itheoJ
WWitJ
m tlj J
«nick
the te»,
tollt,
«hip y.
be t i a I
ti.ll Ut]
Hi'
I
quìi a |
r, it u
r twirl
DON'T know how to answer you.
Your news is very hard for me to
^ar. I feel angry, Herman.”
Herman Clayton, himself the picture
«f sorrowful amazement, looked at his
unde In silence as the old man spoke
•ith angry vehemence.
He was a tall, stalwart young man
if 24. with a fresh, handsome face, now
jeepiv clouded. His uncle was not
werJO. but an appearance of 111 health
ntde him seem much older. Ills usual
pallor crept once more over his flushed,
Hi-lted face liefore lie spoke again to
Herman, and his angry voice was gen
tle as he said:
-I was hasty, Herman, hurt and sur
prised. Tell me, now, how did It hap
pen?”
-I scarcely know how to tell you,
•ir." replied Herman respectfully.
-Where (lid yon meet this girl?”
"Miss Gordon,” said Herman, "was
very Intimate with Mr. Delvlne’s
daughters. I met here there. Mr. Del-
ita» i
Hrlne bade^ie welcome In Ids house as
Mson as I became ills clerk.”
■ "You met her at Delvlne's? Well?"
H “I loved her—that is all.”
■ "All? Enough I should think. And
■ ibe loves you, 1 suppose, or 1 should not
■ have heard all this?”
■ “She loves me,” said the young man
■ with pardonable pride.
H “Oh, Herman! Why couldn't you
■ have fallen in love with one of the Del-
Bvine girls? Nice, domestic, home like
H girls, that would have made n home
■ for you. I kuow this is an idle, stuck-
■ up girl.”
ist SI II "I think you misjudge her, uncle.”
II "She is John Gordon's daughter. I
■ cau never welcome her here—never.”
| "I hope you will not hold to that reso-
■ tattoo, l'ncle Noel.”
|| "I suppose you were Influenced some
I by the $30,000 her mother left her.”
I "I didn't know that she bail a cent”
| “Her mother kept that safely enough
I and left it to the daughter. I knew
■ that at the time she died. Oh, my lad.
I think better of it! Money Is not every
| thing."
| “I never heard of her money until
I thia minute, uncle. I do ao wish you
I Would see her.”
I “I see her! Never! If you marry
I John Gordon's daughter you may take
I leave of me and the farm.”
I
tell me why one of Mr.
I divine's daughters would have suited
I fou any better?”
There was dead silence In the room
I for some minutes. After this Uncle
I Noel spoke at last In low tones, as If he
I was reading ltistend of conversing.
'"lieu I was a young man. Herman,
I not older than you. I was working on
I this farm for old Squire Haywood, who
I was very fond of me. I was only a
I farm hand, yet the old squire always
I chose me to drive him out or to do any
■ business that required a trusty person.
| He had no family, so It made quite a
I ”!r when his sister died In New York
I and bls daughter came to live on the
I farm. She was the handsomest woman
| »'er saw In my life—only 17. but with
I *11 the self-possession of a woman of
' I was. as I said, often about her
| uncle, «nd met Alicia frequently. She
| »as so kind to me, had so many wln-
»
•tbit* | B1ng ways, that she had my heart In
the«* | ■■‘•c era<p in less than a week. Yet how
e» * | w*’ I. a poor country boy, to know it
;etx* |skillful coquetry, the sport of a
| flirt?”
I Then John Gordon, the city lawyer.
I can.e, and he. too, love<] her. I pro-
: «3t*
I d?***’ ,0
a,,d was rejected. Gor-
.ve’»*
I . 0 Proposed and was accepted. I
I ~‘r* "Utgrown that hallucination, my
e.
t*' J** at wh,t • v°«t. Herman, do
,n< a"'t me to welcome the child of
here. 1 cannot do It.”
erv d |
p Herparents are dead." replied Iler-
-li K?
J
®*n. “uija jjvet wltb ber father's sis-
t«r.”
. 1?.'tDC'w John died Insolvent and
la only lived a few years after ber
h«»band."
I n< le NoeL I cannot give Glady«
but I promise never to bring her
"toe as my wife until you consent to
" I" T°°
her?"
“o- »alt till I die. Herman. Dr.
"«<•• «ays I won't live long I have
been Cunuitad to to* anuiu. still I
R
Their Frightful Kavagea Couiuiattcd
in Africa and India.
city aud are aeeord«\i Ita fretaiuiu uutll
they are sboL
—-------------------------------
RE-FORMING THE RIVER
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
INGS HERE AND THERE.
NILE.
Orest Engineering Feat Designed to
1 qusllae Its Flow of Water.
d
Due of the most ancient Islauds, and 4
oue rich lu historic associations. Is ’
threatened with destruction. When |
the Nile reservoirs plauued by the
great Willcocks were first made kuowu
to the world, aud it was fouud that be,
although offering six or seveu sites for ,
his cyclopean desigus. really ouly high
ly recommeuded oue. tlie eoustruetiou
of which would wipe out the Island of
Philae, the loveliest spot on the Nile,
there was a universal howl of opposi
tion. This got to such a height that
Kir W. Garstln and his engineers may ,
have felt a grim kind of relief when
they found that the French would al
low them no money from the t’aisse to
realize their scheme for storing the
tdessed water, and they had for a time
to abandon the whole affair. So w hen,
oue Hue morning. John Aird. Sir Beuja
mln Baker and tlielr friends unexpect
edly called at the office of works In
Cairo and offered to make any amount
of dams, canals and locks wherever
they pleased, for no present cash pay
ment. In accepting tlielr wonderful
offer the government cut dowu the lev-
el of the great reservoir by nearly one-
half, Wlllock* wanted to store up 120
feet of water. Sir Benjamin Baker
was told to content himself with twen
ty meters (about sixty live fee^i of Nile
storage.
And so the artists and the tourists
and the general opponents
Obstruetlug the building of a railroad
is a rather unusual teat for lions, yet
that is what two of them did some time
»go tn Central Africa, uear \ Ictoria
Nyauza. The matter was referred to
ay Lord Sall»bury in one of bls address
ee lu the British House of Lord*.
These lion» were mau eaters aud for
more than eight months they terror
ized 6.000 laborers engage«! in the work
of «.-oustruction. Scores of these meu
they dragged off and devoured. The
" hen the Boers begin firing shell into Mafeking the alarm bell in the market greater part of the camp, having at
place is rung to give warning to the inhabitants. Sometimes a shell drops ¡uto leugtii moved up the country beyond
the town without warning having been given. The sketch from which this illus the touring ground of the lions, several
tration was made was sent to London by an English officer, who says that on bundrira were left behind to build
such occasions the inhabitants scatter right and left. Some fling themselves on bridges. Upon these the lions made a
the ground and one man was heard to say, as he groveled on the ground: "If still more sanguinary descent, Night
anybody says he's not afraid of these shell» he’s a liar!"
after night they would carry away one
■ and sometimes two tnen. They attack
I
I grow weaker. I wish I had a good Mr. Bangs received the following let ed white engin«*ers, dix-tors. soldiers
servant. Eliza Is wasteful, impudeut ter from a city In oue of the Pacific and military officers as well as laborers
and iuellned to be dishonest.”
States:
from India, coolies and African na
"I will drive over to Tournay to-mor “Mr. John K. Bangs:
tives. Ou almost any night, and at any
row and secure a good servant, uncle.”
"Dear Kir—I have been asked to re time of the nlghL the men were Hable
He did so, aud escorted his companion spond to a toast at our Board ot to lie aroused by the shrieks of tlielr
to his uncle's home with manly pride, Trade's annual dinner next mouth, and abducted comrades, aud to hear the
and introduced her as Gladys Grey. 1 write to inquire what would be your cracking of tlielr tames and the tearing
"She has been highly recommeuded and lowest terms for preparing a good, of their limbs a rod or two away, while
I am positive will suit us.”
rattling, funny s|ieech for me to de the Hons growled and quarreled over
In about a week Mr. Clayton Sr. be liver on that occasion. A prompt reply their prey. Sick men in the hospital
gan to wonder how he had ever existed will oblige. Youra very truly.
died from sheer terror at these horrible
without his new housekeeper. Gladys
was untiring In her efforts to please and
To which Mr. Bangs Immediately sat
amuse L'ncle Noel, and in his most down aud penned the following an
paluful moments of distress no baud swer:
was as soothiug as was Galdys'.
"Dear Sir—I am In receipt of your es
The old man sat musing a long time. teemed favor of the — Inst., and In re
A vague mistrust of Gladys had crossed ply would say that my regular rate
his mind, a wouder why a woman so for after-dinner •I>eeches la $500 )>er
gentle and refined, so evidently a lady, speech. I have not as yet, however.
was serving In a menial capacity.
opened up this Hue of goods in the
When Herman came in at tea time he West, and as I am anxious to secure
fouud his uncle flushed and excited. In custom in that part of the country. 1
a few words the cause of the agitation will offer you special terms, namely,
-
was communicated to the young man. $200 for such an address as you de
“You think Gladys is not what she scribe, the amount to lie sent as soon
seems, uncle?”
as shipment Is made. If the terms pro
“You are right. She is under false posed are satisfactory, kindly let me
pretenses, Herman.”
know at once, but In that case 1 would
"But, putting that aside, what fault request you not to mention the matta
have you to find?”
to Chauncey Depew
~
or Gen. Horace
“Fault? I could not find a fault If I Porter, as I should not like them tc
tried. She is the most lovable, capable, know that I am cutting rates. Truly
domestic girl I ever saw, ns well as a yours,
MAN EATING LION ATTACKS NATIVES IN CENTRAL AFRICA
"JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
lady In every word aud action.”
This letter was duly sent, and on the
“Then you would like her to stay
l0-e if I prove to you she Is worthy of day when ft reached Its destination Mr. sounds aud the horrible scenes they drowning of Philae were appeased, or
Bangs received the following telegram: suggested. The beasts were shot at in at least silenced, and the greatest engl-
your confidence and effection?”
"Your letter just received. If Chaun the darkness, but seldom hit. For tlre- , neering work that the world has ever
“Gladly. Aud she Is-----”
“Gladys Grey Gordon! Will you for cey Depew's speeches are written by urms, fire or torches they cared noth seen was quickly started and within a
you, then I don’t want one.”—New ing. One of them leaped upon an offi year 20,000 men were employed nt As
give me the deception, L'ncle Noel?”
“Will you forgive me tor my willful York Commercial Advertiser.
cer, tore his knapsack from bls back souan and at the supplemental dam at
blindness, Herman?”
and then carried awa£and a devoured AsalouL
Black Coats.
“No wonder you love her! Bring her
a soldier near him.
When the dam Is completed and at Its
An English clergyman, rather pom
Many became so terror-stricken tlint ! high level Philae will have Its temple
here and let me ask her If she will stay
to cheer the short time I may yet live pous of manner, according to Spare they threw themselves on the rails In ■ pylons and a few of tlie higher ruins
Moments was fond of chatting with a front of a coastward train and Insisted standing out of the water Just to timrk
to see your happiness.”
on either being run over or carried off where Its ancient beauties were, but all
The wedding was not delayed. Care witty chimney sweep.
Once, when the minister returned on the train. Those who stayed for Its loveliness, its verdure, Its palms,
and love are rejuvenating L’ucle Noel,
who threatens to prove DrQDodge a from hfs summer holidays, he happened sook the tents ami huts and camped several of its temples, Its stcrled walls
false prophet yet. and who dearly loves to meet his youthful acquaintance, who out on top of the water tanks, on roofs and Its Nllotneter, Its colonnades. Its
and bridge girders or In beds lashed to Roman quays, will disappear beneath
to tease Gladys about the way Herman seemed to have been at work.
“Where Qive you been?” asked the tQ highest branches of the trees. One th«* waters. Alt Island will be lost, but
won his wife.
night one of these broke, letting Its a continent will la* saved.
clergyman.
"Sweeping the chimneys at the vicar lodgers fall within a few feet of the
A FAMOUS RABBI.
lions. But, being already too occupied
age,” was the boy's answer.
He Would Pay Him.
“How many chimneys are there, and with devouring a victim, the brutes
Rev, Isaac M. Wise, Who Died in Cin
The cultivation of his vote by the
gave
no
heed
to
this
"windfall,
”
but
let
cinnati Recently.
how much do you get tor each?” was
watchful and flattering ward politician
the Intruders escape until another sometimes arouses In the breast of the
Rev. Isaac M. Wise, who died In Cin the next question.
The sweep said there were twenty meal.
poor dweller In the slums an exagger
cinnati recently, was the most famous
Killed Nearly One Hnmlred Men.
ated notion of his political importance.
leader of Judaism In this country. He chimneys, aud that he was paid a shil
During
the
eight
mouths
that
these
At a recent banquet of the Franklin
was a man of great culture and power ling apiece.
The clergyman, after thinking a mo lions lived upon these railroad meu Typographical Society of Boston, a
of mind. IlQwas born in Stelngrub.
Austria. April 3, l^l'.i, and In 1843 ment, looked at the sweep In apparent they would be occasionally wounde«! by prominent printer told a story which
graduated from the’T'niversity of Vien astonishment. “Y’ou have earned a a shot and obliged to retire from active Illustrates this fact amusingly.
life, thus giving the camp intervals of
Not long ago a man came to this gen
na. Tlie same year he was appointed great deal of money In a little time,”
quleL But they killed and ate in all tieman and asked for work for Ills hoy.
be
remarked
solemnly,
wonderlug.
rnbbl In Randltz. Bohemia, in which
nearly thirty natives of India, twice as
position he remained until 1846, when probably, what the sooty fellow would many African natives, besides Injuring The applicant himself was out of work,
and Ills family were In want.
he formed the purpose of easting bis lot reply.
"Yes,” said the sweep, throwing his many others of various nationalities.
"If you can give work to the b’y,"
with his people In tills country. 8oon
It was Impossible to poison them be
after his arrival In New York he was bag over bls shoulder as he started cause they confined tlielr diet entirely said he, "we'll git enough out of It to
put in charge of tlie Beth-El congrega away, "we who wear black coats get to human beings, to the neglect of every pay the rint. njgj we won't be turned
out on the street, anyhow.”
tion at Albany, in which position lie our money very easily I”
kind of game, with which the region
The printer promised to do what lie
remained with credit to himself and
abounds. The white men were not could.
Napoleon anti the Press.
profit to bls people until 1850. Then he
“When 1 returned from Elba,” Na numerous enough to hunt them suc
“An’ if ye do,” the father went on. hla
resigned and in 1853 located in Cincin-
poleon Is quoted as saying, In the Cen cessfully and the Sepoys were too un- eye lighting up with a generous gleam,
skllh-d
with
firearms.
At
length
an
en
tury, "I found, among other papers of
"we'll put ye In McKinley's place!”
the Bourbons, an account of 6,000 gineer of the line who spent mouths of
francs paid monthly to the editors of his time pursuing them, worn out by
long Name* lor Automobiles.
the Times, besides taking a hundred loss of sleep, sitting up In the moon
“What Is tliR longest word In the Ian
light
and
tracking
them
during
tlie
day.
numliers monthly, and I had an offer
guage?” is air Inquiry that frequently
from them to write for me for pay succt'eded In shooting them Imth and turns up lu an editor'* mall. If some
ment. I had offers from the editors of putting an end to these man-eaters' other languages were lu question, he
several English newspapers to write reign of terror. They were each over would dread to see It; the answer would
for me, even during the time of war, nine feet long.
take too much space.
Both Africa an«! India are In many
previous to my going to Elba, and to
Thus In Berlin one Ilcrr Thlen, who
Insert news and everything else I parts under the dominion of the lion has long been prominent lu local trans
and tiger. Against the lion of South
wished, and that money would l>e taken
portation Interests, has recently estab
Africa the native 'ins to I m > constantly
to send them to France. I did not do
on his guard. Tlie Arabs arrange tlielr lished a motor cab service. The pleas
It. I was wrong, however; I ought to tents In a circle In the center of which ing German name for Ills vehicles Is
have accepted their offers, and then my the herds are ¡M-nned, and outside the “automobiletexameterdroacliken.”
name would not have been held In such tents Is a rude hedge. When they hear
It Is said that, despite the preposter
odium In England as It was. This they the animal begin roaring, ami he can lie ous title, the new cabs nre remarkably
said themselves to me. For In the end heard plainly at a distance of three handsome and gracefid. But If there
these newspapers formed the public miles, sometimes faintly nine miles off, In anything In a name, the motor car
opinion, and always will do. 1 was they kindle the heaps of wood that riages Introduced Into some parts of
natl. where lie had since been a power
very wrong; I see It now.”
have tieen piled up before each tent so Belgium should Instantly become swny-
among the Jews.
that the occupant may burl a lighted barked and top-heavy. The Flemish
Twenty years ago the lending Jewish
Why Hhe Retrains.
brand
at him. But some of the brutes word for automobile Is “nnelpaarde-
congregation of New York City chose
“It Is tru® My wife never •colile have become so wonted to the Are. the looezoondenqioorwegpetroolrljulg."
Dr. Wise as Its rabbi at a salary of
never scowls, never frowns.”
yelping of the dogs and the cries of th«
Home Wurll lte<|U>re<l.
$10,01*1 (ter annuam for life. The
“Do you expect us to believe such people that they pay no attention to
It Is well not to overstep the line be-
thought of severing all of his d«,ep and
nonsense?”
them. lie boldly leaps within the In yond which the exercise of faith b<-
l>eautlful relations with the life of Cin
“I do. Why not? I can explain.”
closure. He drives men, women and comes something like negligence.
cinnati was not agreeable to Dr. Wise,
children iuto their tents, silence« the
‘"Then explain.”
“I tell you, brudders,” exclaimed a
and he dt’clded to remain there. This
“She doesu’t scold because It twists dogs «nd stampedes hors«-», sheep and yoiuig colored pastor, w ho was preactf*
was easier, since he had long cherished her mouth; she doesn’t scowl because It «logs through the hedge and aero«« the
Ing a sermon on faith, "we haven't half
the thought of founding a theological gives her crowsfeeL and she doesn’t
desert.
enough of It! De Lord will watch over
seminary for Jewish stu«lents In that
frown Itecauae It brings wrinkles.”
From the sheep, too. frightened to our uprlsln' an’ our downsettln' ef we
city.
flee, he selects his Slipper and carries It only got faith like a grain o' muota'd
•‘Good. But Inwardly?"
His hopes were realize«! when ln 1875
“Don’t ask me. The question Is too away to the mountain*. Or If the
the Hebrew Union College was Mtnb- harrowing.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer moo«l« »ult pursue« the hors«*« and seed! He ain't gwlne to let no balun
come to us," he went on. fervently,
llshed. He had b«-*n president of this
cattle. Of these he will sometime« kill "ef we JI«' exe'clse faith!”
Institution since Its founding and had
three or four «nd suck their blood,
American Made Shoes the B iter.
"All de same, Bruddah Flint,” spoke
seen It grow to a college of recognized
It la the uniform testimony of Amer leaving their carcasse« where he over
learning, with the ablest Semitic facul icans when they return from an ex took them. The power of the«« black up the white haired old patriarch upon
ty ln the country and equal to any in tended visit abroad that they can get African lions Is enormous. The strong whom rested the burden of looking
Europe. The college has a library of neater, better and more durable shoes est of them can dear an eight foot In after the temporal affairs of the church,
more than 15.000 volumes, many of here than they can In England and closure bolding in their mouths a 3- "we're goln' to keep dis yer tneetln’
them of rare value. Although more Germany, aixi for less money. The year-old borse. Glrard,( Ahe lion-killer, house Insured agin Are an’ Ilghtnln’I”
than 80 years old Dr. Wise hail until dexter.ty of the American '(g-rntlve- declare« that he has seel •ri one of them
No Foreman Printer In Nirlpes.
thia illness retaine«l all of his mental and the perfection of the Amerb an charge Into the midst of 360 Arab horse
The prisoner printers on the Star of
activity of youth. He filb-d the chair of machinery are combining to bring to men on an open plain an«! drive them Hope, published In Hing Hing prison,
systematic theology In the college, ami this country the »hoe manufacturing 1>A< k to tlielr encampmenL the boldest oliject>>d so strongly to having a prls
rarely missed the daily session of th'' business of a large part of the world.— of them with their bors«-a remainlug oner for foreman of the office that he
classes. He was editor of the Awwi- Burlington Hawkeye.
prostrate along hla path.
has tie-n removed and another man uot
can Israelite, the most noted Jewish
In India a man eating tiger kills a prisoner put In hie place.
weekly In th^ country. This position
more th«D a hundre«! people a year;
Not a Man's Life.
A GtganttO Hun Dial.
he filled formore than forty years,
“Such a double life as kis Is not alto sometimes four or uve and even seven
The largest sun dial In the world la
writing from six to seven «•olumns of gether manly!”
persons at once. In some district« .it«)
editorials each week. He was the •u-
‘
“No. the life he leads at home la no or 4>»> human iteinga are annually slain Hayou lloroo, a large promontory, ei
thor of <$lte a number of books.
more than a dog'« life.'”—Detroit Jour by tiger and in lower Bengal as many tending 3,000 feet above the Aegean
aa 700 are killed. One tigress has been Sea. A* the sun swings round the
nal.
___________________
known to close the public roads, cause shadow of this mountain It touches,
Cans« Back at Bang«
Ton would be surprised If you kcew the desertion of thirteen villages and one by on», a ' tn le of Islands, w iucs
A goral «tory, of which John Ken
drick Bang«, the humorist. 1» the hero, bow your friends talk about you be put ever 250 square tuik-s ut territory set as hour marks.
I... laleaked out- Some UM afiv ( hind your back»
ekes and Jokelsta that Ara Suppose.I
tv Hava Hecu Hacautlg Bora-Hay liga
Friendly Advice.
Softleigh Weally, 1 aw have a a*
tlou to—aw—blow me bwalns out.
doncher know.
Miss Cutting—Indeed! Well. In CAM
you do I'd advise you not to say any-
thing about It afterward and no one
will ever know the difference.
Strong Evidence.
"That girl," »aid the po»tiulstress."li
carrying on a clandestine correspond
Laughabla-Ttea Waak'a Honor.
ence with some young man.”
"How do you know?" asked
Tom (to his sister)—Kitty, If you give uelghbor woman.
me a bit of your cake I’ll spoil the
"She uever uses postal card*
plauo so that you won't have to take a more."— Philadelphia Press.
lessou for a month.
and Dainga that Ara Old, Varias« and
Relutioiish i i».
Modern Matrimony,
ne—Will you lie mine?
She Hardly that. Henry. Why can’t
we arrange It so that each of us will
be ours?
No Show at All.
Railroad Ageut Well. I beat you on
that party of Kentuckian* to go to
Cleveland.
Steamer
You didn't
go by water, did you?
She llad Statistic«.
“Julia, dear," said young Mr. Gilley,
timidly, to tils charmer, "do you think
that a married couple could live on a
•alary of $750 a year?"
"O. Dick.” replied Julia. earnestly,
"1 saw an account of how a uiau sup
ported himself, Ills wife and two chil
dren on $350 a year. I'll ruu and get
the paper.”
Invitations were Issued the foj^wlng
week.
Innaht in the Act.
—
Irate Parent Henceforth I disow u
you! Begone, you sou of the devil!!
Son Good-by, father! Fun.
Hi. Misfortune.
Mother- Allee, I was very much sur
prised and shocked last evening when
I )>assed the parlor door and saw Mr.
WoodlH* with tils face close to yours.
Daughter—Yes, mamma; Isn't It a
shame the poor fellow is so awfully
nearsighted?
Thoae Loving Girin.
Clara (dressed for the ball) -How do
look lu this dress. Maude?
Maude Positively handsome. Why,
hardly recognize«! you.
After the Spunking.
Bobby (subdued and humbled) Say,
a I
Ma What Is it. Boby ?
Bobby Won't y' please lend me a
little piece of bread an 'butter?
Encou ravin if.
George Now that we nre engaged,
dearest, may 1 have Just one kiss be
Mrs. Newcrnze There, William Me fore your mother returns?
Dean-st Well retAtmber, just one,
Henry, I've caught ye lu the act of go
ing through my bloomer pockets for George but mamma won't return for
money, and only last week I gave ye 10 two hours.
cents. What on earth have ye done
Beginnliitf of the End.
“You can cook. 1 suppose?” queried
with it?
the young man who was feeling bis
How Johnny Hurt Him.
way to a proposal.
Mother What are you cftlng for.
"No.” was the frank reply. "I never
child?
even attempted It. My parents never
•’Johnny hurt me.”
thought I would have to seek a posltlou
“How, pray?”
as cook.
“I was going to hit him with my fist,
The Remedy,
1
struck
When he ducked his head and
the wall.”
BLUt SIG
Spoiled the Surprise.
Amiable Hostess Well, now you nre
here, 1 hope you will slay to lunch with
me.
Gushing Visitor—Oh. thank you so
much, dear Mis. Browne, if we may.
(To daughter.) There. Vera, won t
be del ghtful? Such n pleasant
prise for you!
Severely Truthful Child No^ a
“ . You know you said
prise, mother.
hrowne must ask us to lunch If we
only stopped long enough!—Boston
Globe.
Preferred to Buffer.
“You look awful alck. old mm.
telephone out to your house that
are coming home early.”
"Oh, no! Don't let my wife know.”
“But why not?"
"She has been trying to get me home
Parly for a month, to move Home fur
nlture.”
Biut etoeif
j>v«o
Secretary Mr. Smith writes that ho
Is greatly pained that you do not remit
al once.
Proprietor Pained? Gracious, send
111 in a liottle of our pain killer.
His Point of View.
Fair Medical Student—What do you
think of women for physicians?
Old Doctor—I think they nre all right.
Why, we derive two-thlrds of our lu-
Different Shades.
Mr. Stubb Legends sny that the come from women.
shade of Nero still hangs about It. lome.
H« Knew.
Mrs. Stubb But I didn't know lamp
Ttie young teacher had Just given
shades were In use In the time of Nero,
them oue of those readings In Roman
John.
history.
A Having Scheme.
"Now, Samuel," she said, gazing en
couragingly at the smallest lad, "tell us
what followed the burning of Rome?”
“All de Insurance companies busted!”
responded Samuel, with »tarlllng
promptness.
A Single File.
Convict—Well, did the guvnor git me
pardon petition?
Warden Yes, and put It on file.
Convict (eagerly) Say, tell him to re
turn me ¡>etitlon If unavailable aud to
send de tile along wld IL
His HtIcking (Jus 11 ties.
Miss Murray lllll Mr. Homewood la
a regular stick.
Miss Point Breze You surprise me.
Miss Murray Hill When be calls on
me he sticks In his chair long after the
time when he ought to be leaving for
home. Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Pete—Why do dry have detn axes In
Vocal Quality.
fie railroad cars?
She Did you observe the timbre of
Lem—Well, when dry have a collis
ion »ley use dem ales ter kill de pas hla voice?
He—Well. yea. I noticed that It was
sengers. ao as ter keep de damages
pretty woodeu.
below $5,000.
The Unexpected All Around.
A Noisy Ksploslve.
Mrs. Bing Didn't you discharge your
hired girl last week?
Mrs. Wing—Tea. Why?
Mrs Bing—Oh, she came to me, and
I've heard all kinds of reports ever
since.
“Was your Dutch supper a success?
"Yea. Indeed; we wore sabots to sur
prise the men.”
“Were they surprised?**
“I think so; they had worn sabots to
surprise us."—Detroit Free Press.
Danaers nf t.olnry.
Expansion for Weak Lung«.
“Wouldn't you like to eat your break
fast In bed?”
"Goodness, no; eating breakfast in
tied would demoralise me so I couldn't
get up and earn money to pay for IL
fk.mt twenty years ago 1 saw at the
Ixtndon Aquarium a strong man ex
hibiting feats of strength, breaking
chains by expanding bls chest and hla
bleeps, etc., and. going out. bought a
small pamphlet Issued by him In which
he stated that In early youth he was
delicate and had been almost condemn
ed by the doctors; Idling In bed he had
tied a string around bls chest and tried
to break It by expanding IL keeping on
till he succeeded. He then found he
could break a stronger string, and kept
at It till he found himself In every way
strengthened, freed from bls trouble,
ami ultimately able to exhibit b!m«elf
as a specimen of extraordinary devel
opment and strength. I have person
ally tried the strong man's Ideas and
recommended them to other«, with de
cided lienefiL and however far fetched
and unpromising such simple rules
may seem at first they are always easy
to try. -New York Sun.
In After Years,
Husband When we were married
you confessed entire faith In my ver-
aclty. but now you don't seem to be
lieve a word I nay.
Wife Yes. but this Is a progressive
age and even a confession of faith
needs to lie revised occasionally.
Full Information Wanted.
Jagsliy Shay, officer, how (hie) f far
lab t* (blc) union atash'n?
officer—Oh. atxmt teu minute*' walk
Jaggaby Whazier ten (blci mlunisb'
walk- f-for you or (blci for me?
An Esception.
Wabash Hello, old chap! Haven't
seen you for an age How ar« you?
Oliv« (from HL Ixiul«)—I’m not f>wl-
There la quite a difference between
Ing as well as I might I've enjoyo!
very poor b>aith dur ng the past year. going In and going out of office. A man
Wabash Well. I'm glad you enjoy la sworn In. but be usually iloes th«
• wearlug bltueeif when be goes out,
It, most people dos t