I for a king. The coming Parle expoet tlon Is r d to be showed to go by with out a determined effort to demonstrate to tbe European masses tbe cheapness L X, CAMPBELL. Prv*rle»w> and worth of corn meal as an article of diet Indian corn Is not grown In EUGENE CITY ........ OREGON. Europe, but It can be Imported cheaply, and be who succeeds In teaching the Tbe snuff trust Is now under way. masses over there to cook and eat it will accomplish a humanitarian work Bnuff ot this! of almost Inexpressible value, besides Many of the joker» will probably ft enlarging our exports. Europe’s hun gay over tbe new grave-diggers' union. gry millions do not yet know what u johnny-cake is. Tbe ax manufacturer» will form a trust That mean» that tbe people will I am building a bouse on a bill. Re get It In tbe neck. cent heavy rains left a foot or more of water In the cellar. 1 figured on vari Never a good cause that »uttered by ous ways of getting It ouL Some sug publicity; never a bad one that did uot gested that 1 get two men to ball It thrive by privacyl out, but I soon saw that this would cost too much. No dump was handy. Mr. Frick should at least receive At last I decided to try a siphon. 1 credit for upsetting the old theory that got a long line of hose and pipe and it Is Impossible to get something for laid It from the cellar down the bill till notblng. the outlet was below the bottom of the r " 1 - ................—t cellar. Then I tilled tbe pipe with It is good betting that If a new terri water and Immersed the cellar end In tory was thrown open to settlement the water. It worked perfectly after a more towns would be named tiappho few leaks were patched up. I went than have barred It. away that night leaving tbe water run nlng. The next morning when I came lbe success of the crusade against vack the cellar was empty. So much the lndeceut drama will not be com for a little science In everyday life. And plete until the nuisance of the Indecent yet the common run of people, who poster Is also abated. bave to do tbe manual work of the world, are Ignorant of most of the first When a bricklayer can earn $4 a day laws of science. So they have to do what's tbe us. going around preaching all their work with unaided muscle. the gospel for $l»Z> a year and submit They never make Nature work for ting to all kind» of cooking? them, because tbe forces of nature are to them largely mysterious. It Is well A Chicago society woman 1» anxious that tbe scientific courses In our col to electrocute waif dogs Instead of kill leges are so generally patronized. Tbe lug them In tbe ordinary manner, it need of this country for some genera would be a very shocking method, es tions to come will be young men skilled pecially to tbe bow-wows. In practical things. It will always be a question whether there are not too A single firm of manufacturers sold many lawyers and doctors and writers, over twenty million comic valentines and persons waiting for nice pleasant lust February. If, as is not Improb jobs, with large salaries, but there will able, each one caused uu average of never be too many capable and skilled Uve minutes' annoyance to Its recipient, farmers, carpenters, blacksmiths, gar the equivalent of two centuries of dis deners, machinists, etc. comfort was the result, How "funny” such a total seems! Few studies which are now engaging Rome of tbe German manufacturers the serious attention of medical science are reported to have criticised the loco are of wider general Interest than tbe motives of American manufacture by study of tropical diseases. Some prog stating they were "made by tbe dozen.” ress has, of course, been recently made Tbe probability Is that the real ground In this direction, but there are still prob for the criticism was tbe fact that they lems to be solved If Northern life Is to were sold by the dozen In competition be adequately safeguarded and fullest with the product of tbe German uuuu commercial development thereby as sured lu far Houtbern countries. It Is faclurera. no longer a matter of doubt that the Weather terms are elastic. Havana next generation Is to witness an enor was full of shlvenug people, and the mous development of the tropics by visitation was called a cold wave, when American and European enterprise. It tlie temperature lately fell to fifty-three 1» uot tbe purpose of white civilization degrees. The Cuban slyle of wlutry that this shall be at a sacrifice of life blast would be popular lu regions and health proportionate to thnt which where boreal gales have uo Inclination has hitherto accompanied advancement to mercy. Tbe West Indian cold wave or created an annual limit of time la almost matched by the London hot wherein all but the favored few must wave, reported each summer, wlieu the flee. Comparative safety In and out of mercury has risen only to a point In season must be had. lu England there dicative to Americans of seasonable was recently organized the School of Tropical Medicine, which Is about to w ui'iutb. send an expedition of Inquiry to Sierra A writer In a nos I lea I publication of Leone for the dreaded rainy season. the Johns Hopkins University de ! This has been preceded by other British scribes a case which, he suys, "Is Inter agencies having similar alms. Belgium, esting because It suggests a new oper with lier large African interest, is act ation — hepatlcocboleeystostocliolreys- ively engaged In the same line of re tenterostomy, or lieputlcocholecyHtos search. Germany la In the Held, with tenterostomy.” Every one will be re substantial reports from Prof. Koch lieved to know that the treatment so ami others. France, If she Is to realize eloquently described Is only an ad her colonial hopes, must follow suit vanced method of dealing with colic, The United States, with Its new terri by which It will be seen that science lu torial acquisitions and their commercial Its march Is encumbered by the bag promises, la studying yellow fever and gage It carries. Caesar called It impedi other acute malarial diseases In the ments, which baa taken a modern sense very center of their strength and at the very height of their virulence. There that seems appropriate In this case. la a mutual concern In all these vari That royal explorer, the Huke of the ous and Independent efforts, w hich take Abruzzi. Is not, It seems, an exception cognizance of the value of cleanliness to the rule that geutlemen who start as a preventive factor, but believe that out to fl ml the uorth pole have to be complete safety demands supplement hunted up themselves. The history of ary provision based upon more Intimate polar expeditious 1» almost Invariable. knowledge of the origin of the diseases especially rpon the discovery of germ The Intrepid Individual who fares forth to the froxeu north always has to be origin, where thia exists, and a serum rescued. His bark Is scarcely out of to counteract It. Present study of trop eight Iwlilud the headlands lie fore an ical Ills will be followed by ultimate other vessel Is fitted out for the puriHMe success for the students. And success of saving him from polar bears and must have a very Imimrtant effect upon similar lucouvenlencss. Tbe Italian the commerce of tbe world lu the ap prluce, who Is to be hunted up by Mr. proaching century. Nansen. Is merely keeplug up the tradl Caring a t'olct tlcna of polar exploration. Mr. Nansen Mr. Blirkiti» had a cold. will bring him home covered with glory It settled lu his head. and frostbites, and bls highness will “Always hits the weakest spot.” either write a book or take to the lee Fuuuy friends all said. ture platform to relate to an admiring Mr. Blifkins coughed and wheezed, world how he subsisted on a light diet Skivered, sueeaed, and shook, Listened to bis friends' advice— of blubber and old boots for two or This is what he took: three months In the Interest of science Box of anti kaiuuia, They all do IL 1 touched bis uose with brine. Mustard plaster on bis chest. “Business Chances lu Mnnlla” la the Camphor bails, title of a series of articles front a cor Quinine, respondent of Ix-alle's Weekly lu the Bottle Dr. Klllem's Cure, Philippines, whose conclusions are • s. Onion stew, Home squills. baaed upon a knowledge derived from Hoarhound tablets. personal Investigation. The “chances" Licorice, to which be refers are for those with a Anti febrlne pills. moderate yet necessary amount of cap Porous plaster on his back Bal. and an ad<*quate business training Spirits frumenti. to grasp and utilize them. Among the Menthol iuhalalion tube, opeuings which present themselves as Ginger, lucrative |Hiaslbllltlea, be epeclflee An Kock and rye. agency for American typewriting ma Bottle ot cough syrup. Whisky j'iist a alp, chines, for which there Is a growing de Muttou tallow on bis neck. tnand, but no adequate supply, an es Box of amt grip, tabllshmetit for the sale of Atnerlcnn Vapor batb. watches, with competent repairers; an Electric shocks. Amerlcau shoe store; an American Brandy, bardwsie store. Including In Its stock Cure tor croup, • • zui*ply of agricultural Implements, Emtilsiou of cod liver oil. but no firearms - the Importation of Ugh! which la prohibited; a local and aubur Home strong beef soup. ban express route, for which there Is Every remedy they urged Mr. Blifkins tried; urgent need, and photographic estab Now they say they cured the cold. llalimenta. with skillful American ojter- But Mr. Blifkins died. alora So much for those with twees wary capital ami business abilities; but —Baltimore American. for tlie American mechanic or laborer Only Dummies. tbe pro»|>e< ta are not encouraging Uhl Within the walls of many churches. nrse and native latior la abundant and In London an* Bibles that are not Bl cheap, and In the tnsnfel trades tin Ides, though outwardly they resemble Filipino artisan ts vufficlentiy skilled. them. Examine one of these curious dummies, and you will quickly discover This country produces some 2.0X0,- that It Is not a book, but a box mas Ot’).isx> bushels of corn annually we querading as a book. Open It. and you could produce double that If we had will flml the Interior Ailed with wires enough mouths for It. On the other and dines. Pursue your Investigations han<l< we read mutually of some mil a little further. Inquire of the preacher, lions of people In tbe East who are and you will be Informed that the seem racked with starvation, while other ing Bibles constitute the transmitters millions are kept on low diet and for of an electrophone company, which has bidden to murmur. There ought to I* Iwv-n led to adopt this harmless ruse in some way to make two such facts as order to send over its wires, to Its sick these connect, and they are bound to and suffering subscribers, tbe fervid when supply and demand become bet and comforting eloquence of the favor ter acquainted. Corn Is worth 40 cents ite preacher» of the day. a bnshel Is mors nutritious than wheat and costs alamt half as much. All that Exempt from Jury Service. la needed Is to make the peasants and There are In New York City a bent artisans of Kuro.ie understand that It !<«>.<»•> who are exempt by law or «1» gaa Uv wade lute dwtirs good enough cuiuatancvs from jury sect less Eugene City Guard. sjmttimmnimmmmmmmmmmmmmmnwnwn'g I The Syrian in America. | RiUiUlUlUlUlUihiUihlUihiUlUiUlUiUiUlWiiiUlUliiUliU^ r? OOKING out upon a bleak winter J [a landscape of frozen river and bare factory walls lined dim and gray aleng Detroit's great artery of commerce are a number of shabby, lean to fiarne buildings, some of them zppareutly ready to crumble and fall from age. The casual observer, pass ing them by as very ordinary and very ancient landmarks, would be greatly «urprlscd and Interested could he enter and behold tbe peculiar arrangement if tbe rooms, tbe Oriental suggestion if ornament and costume, and tbe happy-go-easy style of their Inhabit ants. He would meet dark-skinned men who at first acquaintance would be suspicious ami guarded In demean- ir; gypsy-Hke women, with soft lan guishing eyes and sibilant speech, and iwarthy faced children, apparently as loyous 1., tbelr bumble surroundings .¿a the most pampered child of wealth. They are Syrians, and a description of their quarters and habits lu the chief city of Michigan is a description of their life wherever they are found In towns In the United States, for the Syrian lu community 1» everywhere tbe «ante. In the colony are three stores, where Turkish rugs of rare texture, fine laces, rlbixins and other articles for house hold and personal use and adornment are wholesaled to native peddlers and sold at retail to chance customers. It took but little pereuaslou to win the good w 111 of the merchant, and then the Americnn visitors were invited to an Inspection of tbe living rooms at the rear. Bare of carpet, plaster or paper, they Heemed cheerless and forbidding In comparison with the store. The naked rafters and unornamented walls suggested a deserted barracks rather than a dwelling place. Yet there was little Indicative of squalor. Threading t dlni passage, a glimpse was caught »f the sleeping apartments, which, though It was mid afternoon, sh >we<l the clothing tumbled In disordered leaps and a general air of neglect and carelessness. In the construction of these rooms an attempt seems to have been made to carry out the prevailing style ot Syria. They are cavern-like in appearance, with low, flat nsifs. and partitioned off with unmatched boards Little skill is shown ill carpentry. No doors separate the sleeping rooms from tlie kitchen. The residence 1» a com pact, simple affair, with no bewildering turns or misleading entrances. Just beyond tlie rows of rooms tlie visitors came upon an lutetesting scene It was bake day, and one pretty young Syrian woman was up to her elbows lu dough, while another was. aided by a man (presumably her husband), attend Ing to the operation of baking The process was of the same primitive style as that employed by the Syrians at borne and resembles greatly the meth grain mill A CAKt or > B"t AO fon pouhoin G Mt AT ixI of tlie Mexicans In making frtjoles. t wo very thin cakes of flour, ns broad as the rim of a list, were slap|ied to gether and placed luto the oven of the stove by tbe man. who used a long, zpade-llke contrivance. Very soon the layers Inflated like a toy balloon being supplied with wind. The bread was soon brow tied and tbe crisp result Join ed the heap on tbe flmir. "Tefuhlduloo!" said the pretty super intendent of the culinary [Irvceeding. ■ She means Help yourselves,' ” In terpreted one of the men. Tlie bread wax quite palatable, but not as substantial as tie Amerlcau product The Syrians do not customarily aft at s table to ent. but squat cross legged around a little piece of furniture alxiut a foot high, placed In the middle of the floor. They use no kulves or forks. Each one doubles a piere ot the bread into a sort of three .-ornered s;>oon. and with this Improvised utensil dtps Into the dish preferred. Syrian etiquette demands the giving and taking of sonietlilug to rat or drink on the oc a » mu of a- visit, and they were not sat l»n>»l until the ot>aervance had been complied with. Another woman was Industriously grinding wheat In a band mill a stone Implement ap|>arently brvugnt from the home country. A big stone cvn- trlrnnee resembling a druggist's mor tar and postal was explained as a vee sa*l for pounding meat. W lulr tliensiklng was romg on amid much apparent luerrlmeiit. a woman greatly eiunctnfed In app.aran<e. lay a ek In a near-by room. It .a character l-ti ■ of t! , Sye<ait% it la said, to ah.iw Ind ffervnee to illneaa. They try to di vert tbe patlent'a mind front death and to roocral from him tbe fact ttiat the eu.' ta near. Th<y bate Iwau brvd tv tbe use of little liquor, having long been under Koran. They believe, smoking Is as necessary ANIMALS that beverage tbe ban of the however, that as water. AFRAID OF GHOST& Many Member» of the Brute Creation Fear the «Supernatural. There Is a widespread belief In south Germany, lu Ireland, In Scotland, and 1 snow not bow many countries, that horses and dogs haie "an Instinct" for uncanny realities. In Germany the popular notion is that no horse will pass by the place where the body of a suicide lies, nor even by tbe spot where someone has committed suicide, or where an execution has taken place. This Is something different from the repugnance that all borers have to the neighborhood of a slaughterhouse, omy a short time ago a Tyrolese horse of very docile disposition, driven care fully by his Italian owner, was greatly upset at having to pass two widely separated government shambles, used for supplying meats to tbe crews of Italian warships. He was also greatly disgusted at having to go near a scav- enger’s cart Ills protests, however, were mild compared with the behavior of horses under "uncanny" inAuences. The Moro’s owner said: “A horse baa a keener nose than any dog,” and be talked soothingly to him; "didn't know why that dirt cart was always In the same place,” “well-welled" him and told him "the slaughter-house was fifty yards off his road,” and so forth, In "haunted” quarters, on the other hand, the horse refuses with deter- mlnation; he trembles, snorts. Is cov ered from bead to heels, in time, with a white foam, his eyes roll and shoot fire and the end is sometimes a bad ac cident sometimes a hard-bought vic tory for the driver, sometimes his igno minious defeat I could name Irish cross roads past which almost every horse in the county refused to go quietly after dark. The nvaixa sHKAn ix nut living boom last purchase from, maybe, the other end of the island might be taken to the pot without any (possibly Indoc trinated) equine comiianlon to frighten him, but he unfailingly “turned rusty" as soon as he tried the unhallowed ground. The local explanations were various; that the land on one side was “cursed." that formerly criminals were executed and then burled at many cross roads, and possibly here, and that the flr trees and a castellated lodge In one angle of the Intersecting ways made the »pot terribly dark, and so on. — London News. Smoke Ball» In War Foreseeing *he results of the use of smokeless powder, I lnveuted some years ago the smoke attack, and when the German emperor first visited En gland showed It to him as something new In his military experience and he approved of It, says Maj. Gen. J. T. Crease In the Loudon Daily Mail. I also used It at Aidershot and Slr Evelyn Wood suggested extended trt- als. but, like many other things, It fell through. With properly constructed hand smoke rockets for the troops and,smoke lialla for tlie covering artillery, proper *5 trained In their use, I would guaran tee to attack frontally any position held by hostile force, and take It without much loss atid would tie quite ready to stake my life on the result The matter Is one of common sense. If a number of smoke balls or shells are thrown by artillery Are just In front of any trenches s hieh have to be attacked and of the enemy'« guns, which, placed further away, cover them, how can those serving the guns or the riflemen In the trenches see through such an Impenetrable curtain of smoke as would result so as to able with any eertaiuty at all to direct their Are upon those making the attack? Nor In tuck case« would the smoke, so made. Interfere In any way with our own covering artillery Are, or In any way lessen Its value, as the range ami direction of the enemy would have t»een accurately obtained before the action began. 1 «nite to laird Wolseley on the subject of smoke attacks a short time ago and was Informed that the matter bad been referred to bls artil lery experts. 1 fear the reference has ended in smoke. It seems a thousand pities that so really simple, practical an,l useful an Invention should be reck le»»ly thrown to one »Ide. more espe cially as the Inventor baa asked noth.ng for it A Wimple Way. "1 see that Ml»» Susan B. Anthony want» to raise an Immense sum for the furtherance of auffrage equaity.” "Why doesn't »he use It for the total erad cstou of mankind? That would t*e much simpler."—Cleveland Plata tH-aler. A pace that kill» I» tbe rapidity with which a boy < banges from the cube* to th« cigarette habit A gentleman ranker . flow He Spoiled Hi. Letter - The Trooper'. Life. He was sitting with bls back against i bowlder, his rifle barrel resting on a Hone, tbe stock on bis knees. He was □sing tbe stock for a desk and was writing laboriously in pt-ncll on a crumpled half-sheet of paper, says the Fall Mall Gazette. "This 1» devilish bard work.” be said, "but 1 must get it done to-day. 1 was always a poor fist at a letter, ilow do you spell reconnoissance?” Trooper M3 gave him bls Idea of it. “That’s all wrong,” he said ”1 m sure there isn’t a 'k' in it. But it doesn t matter. All my spelling's gone to the deuce. I never learned anything at school, and not mucu since.” Trooper 1X3 laughed. “Seems to me you know a lot,” be said. "No blarney! If you don’t know as much you ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Trooper »43 laughed again. He was lying on bls stomach with a sharp eye toward a ¡losslble shot. A dozen other men were intent on the same businos. white a couple more were looking after tbe horses. “They never offered me no commis sion,” be said. "Well. I didn’t take the one they of fered me, did I ? I made up my mind when I was a kid I wasn’t going to be a gentleman. I don't see why you should keep on snickering. Tell me bow to spell that blessed French officers name, and shut up. I didn't see the good of being a gentleman, like a lot of chaps I knew; It didn't look like a trade tbat'd suit me. 1 did all sorts of things to harden myself; used to wrap up in a blanket and sleep on the floor Instead of in bed. 1 dare say you think that was all tommy rot. Well, p'r’aps It was.” A bullet buzzedsoverhead. Trooper »43 sighted and fired. "Got him?’ "1 wouldn’t like to be the bloke’s wife and fam’ly.” "Tell me If you see anything else. 1 must get this finished.” He scribbled on for a time In silence, dropped bis pencil, picked it up. and rose to stretch himself. "Git down, stoopld!” said Trooper M3. A second bullet buzzed and the oth- er’s right arm dropped to bls 81 de. "Slick through the shoulder,” he said. He sat down again, looking a little pale. "Now you've bln and spoilt your 'and- writlng.” said M3. "Told you so. Does It ’urt?” "No, not much, Here, just sign my name at the end of that letter, will you?” Trooper 943 signed the name In a shambling, awkward baud. Then be began to grumble again. "Just like you! The best In our little lot got a 'ole in him. HU' me, if you ain’t a daisy!” The other took the letter and cram med It Into bls pocket with bls left hand. “Shut up,” be said. "I can shoot from the left. Hello! Look out!” The men were on their feet and in the saddle in a moment, all but Troop er M3, who fell to one of the twenty bullets that had spit a ziong them. Tbe letter writer was down again in a flash ind had him across his horse. Trooper M3 laughed again, though rather fee bly. "Well, you are a daisy!” he said. The men scattered and rode off in a «putter of bullets. “Drop me,” said Trooper 1M.3. “I’ll be all right. You'll only git copped.” "Shut up!” They did not get copped, but It was a ride to be remembered all the days it a man's life. Also, tbe letter was spoiled. "You ought to ’ave the V. 0.,” said M3, some hours later. "You fair saved me.” "Did IT’ said a voice from tbe next bed. “And you spoilt my letter, you ungrateful beggar. You might have chosen somewhere else to bleed.” Trooper 043 grinned aud tried to turn his head. "Fair saved me, you did.” he said. "You ain't a gentleman, are you? Uh, so!" Agriculture in the Schools. The Kansas State Teachers’ Associa tion will use Its Influence to have tbe legislature next year enact a law pro viding for a text book on agriculture for use In the common schools. The «pedal committee appointed at the last session of the State Teachers' Associa tion to revise the course of study for tbe common schools of Kansas has re solved that a text book on agriculture should be adopted In tbe Kansas schools, and decided to take steps to arouse sentiment on the subject. As a preliminary step it was decided to adopt agriculture as a portion of tbe course of study for the next school year. State Superintendent Nelson •ays: "Kansas ts an agricultural State. The young men of the State should, therefore, be taught agriculture. How to keep boys on the farm Is now the great question. By dignifying farm life and educating the boys to make a success lu agriculture the question will be solved. It Is Just as essential to teach a young man who expects to fol low that pursuit how to farm as It is to send a young man who wants to tie s lawyer to a law school."—Kansas Farmer. An Expensive < nre. “Went borne Thursday uigbt and found my wife 111. Symptoms alarming Dos««l her best I could. Friday morn ing she was no better. Felt worried, M Ife dull and stupid. No life to her. Started for doctor. Struck by happy thought Turned back, tuie cvm- plete." "What was ft?” “Simple as pie. Just Mid Too bad you have to be sick on t*argain day. my dear.' She bounced up. . • ’What? she cried, how stupid of one to forget' I d five minutes she was up and dressed and frizzing her hair." “Woukln't It have been cheap'r to have fetched tbe doctor?” "By Jove. I guess It would.'"—Cleve land Hain Dealer. When a loafing rich woman gets al.-k It 1» very hard for the women «he work to believe that there la anything the matter with her wvree than cold feet Economy, we regret to »ay. 1» never the fash ata. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. humorous PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Fte.sast Incident. Occnrrin« Ua ?n Memory Of. "What do you call yOdr _ home, Mrs. Fitz Jackson? W#:* “Peach Orchards.” "1 don't see any orchard in thi. tograph.” 4 fc» “No; there was one peach beWM cottage, but It died.”—InJi.» ** Journal. **’’•» World over Sn>*ng. th.» Am Ch..r- Likely to Be an Acqui»iti0. “Who are these new peopl tin.. moi ing Into the house next d iorr ’ ”1 don’t know, but 1 am sure weihl Brown-Yes, Jones married a rich get along splendidly with them t C liave Just unloaded a wbe«*li,ilrn.w wife, but be leads a dug » life- a lawn mower.”—Chicago Tritu* M Smith—Is that so? Brown Yes; be doesn't do a blessed Faulty Construction. thing but lay wound the house and go “lie Smithers says he Is the arch;», out tor an airing between meals. of his own fortune.” fui »« O»d or Young-Funny Selec tion. th.t Everybody WiB Enjoy. “Yea, but it’s probably lucky for wj A Rude Bird. "When Della s young man calls she that the building Inspector il:Jot . has to put her parrot out of tbe room." pen around while he was makinz n. Puck. ' “What for.” “Oh, her father taught it to screech, A Man of Brains. Time to go,’ whenever the clock Mrs. D’Avnoo <lndigtiantlr)_tye, strikes.” ________ Move out of the city and live to?, suburbs? Indeed I won’t so there Saw Lot» of It There. The American—You have no Idea of .Mr. D’Avnoo (who wants to.,, the Immense wealth of tills country un niizel— My dear, a pretty womaL J you never looks so charming a, til you’ve traveled over it. The Foreigner—Oh, yes, I have, sitting in a phaeton at a suburlao way station waiting for lier husbx^ lived In Europe.—Life. She went.—New York Weekly. Craftiness of Man. “Thea,” and her eyes sought tbe i» embers of the oak block, "you««,-, kind as a husband should be. j, n-never give me any Jewels.” “Jewels!" and his basso voiceie<"M to come krom his heart. “Youukt» Jewels? Any one with diamond ey- ruby lips and teeth of pearl ask s jewels? Why, the rarest gold con buy would only I k * superfluous?" Then for the first time In days u kissed him. Mistress—Why did you leave your Facts in the Cn.e. last place? Smiles—I’m glad I wasn’t Bridget Yer very inquisitive, mum. peare. I nlver axed ye why yer last cook left. Giles—Why are you? —The Cigarette. Smiles—Because 1 should be < now. Not by a Long Shot. “We may be farmers.” said the Boer Giles—Yes, thnt’s true—god stu general, as he ordered two more bat peare would be forgotten. teries to begin operations, "but that’s Where Lamb» Gambol. not admitting we don’t know anything “Have you ever seen Ilnmeo ¡g about the shell game.”—Puck. Juliet?’” inquired tbe Throop «■« girl. Getting nt the Fuz-ts. Wife (after the honeymoon)—Why "No,” responded the red-vestedjotj did you deceive me about your Income? “but I have seen Romeo to my som».1 Husband—I didn’t, my dear. And his empty pockets showed f Wife—Yes, you did. You told me you Romeo had seen him. were getting $50 a week when you Forewarned Forearmed. asked me to marry yf»lt. Husband Yon evidently mlsunder- stood me. I said my position was worth $50- and so It is—but for some reason best known to the boss he gives me only $10. Not Her Fault« “Is this the cracked wheat, Jane?” “I dun' know, mum; I ain’t looked at It or teclied It, an' if it’s ctficked. It wuz cracked afore 1 come here.”—Chicago Record. Retrospective. "Harry!” “What Is it, Dorothy?” “Did you give me that parlor tsmp last Christmas, or did I give it to you?” Naturally. McJIgger- So he’s married again. Married a widow. “Going to the Taris exposition » Thingumbob—Yea, with six children, Horrocks?' summer, ranging from 2 to 14 years. When they “Yes.” line up they’re regular steps. “Good. McJIgger—Naturally; they're his step you often.” children.—Philadelphia Press, “I hope you will, Varnum." "We ought to begin saving money The Voice of Experience. Bronson On what grounds do you It, oughtn't we?” “Yes. Thnt is, you ought, lit suppose that college professor bases his statement that 10 per cent, of mar ing to run an American boa::, riages are unhappy? house.”—Philadelphia Tinies. Henry Peck—He probably spends DC Objectionable. per cent, of his time at borne.—Puila- "Billy, I’ll take in de Paris expwM Jelphia North Amerlcau. show only on one condition." “What’s dat, Sandy?” A Modest Bequest. “Hat dey cut out de ’Palace of W Hewitt—My money Is my best friend. Jewett Well, the best of friends must try.’ ” part; lend me live, will you?—Harper’s His Private Opinion. Baza r. "My dear,” said Mrs. Jorgson, as' closed tbe book site had been reii Coon Tracks. "do you know what is the most cor« thing in the world?” "Of course I do.” replied the >’ half or the combination. "The ■ curious thing in the world Is a »»- that isn’t curious.” Practical View. “Now, Julius, when yo' see a rabbit's tracks leadin' inter a holler log, what's de conclusbun?” “Dunno. pop." “Boy, haln’t yo’ got no sense In yo'r head? Par's de tracks, an’ dar’s de boiler log. an’ de conclusbun am---- ” She—Rummer Is my favorite m It’s so delightful to alt under 11» » and listen to the concert by n” feathered songsters. He (enthusiastically) — I’nt though? And it doesn't cost 3 either. Matrimonial Bile», “You must think I'm a fool angry claimed the -------- — husband. “I would never have ventur’d* so." replied hlB better half. 'W1 thnt you have mentioned it. • *® prepared to deny it.” On Listening Term». "De conclushtin atn a ba r, pop! Corroborative Evidence. Are you on speaking terms <i Chatterbox?" "No, merely on listening trrffl« Talmlst Your hand shows me that No Grounds for Aranmen^ you have had a fight this morning “What .Is life?” asked the I*1 Visitor—You could tell It quicker by of the class In moral etli. - the other fellow's eye.—Baltimore “The absence of death, rep** American. youthful philosopher. And the professor let It g 1 aI “,i" Wooden Member. “T hat s an awfully heavy cane” "Yes. I I call “ it my Don t Worry club.*' An Author in Embry* V* that?" “Why thnt The art of writing a short rtoff “Because If I hit anybody on the seem to be easy to many P ' * he.'i'l with It he doesn't worry any they never realise Its diffim11? ■lore. —Chicago Tribune. they try. In a Southern * . teacher, as an educational >»1*^ Sacce<M»fui( k of Waggs— Where were ___ you ____ last _ night? assigned each pupil the ta*** c JXitgs Out pursuing happiness’ an original story. On tbe day when th* ) Waggs- -And - " * did “ you catch It? Jaggs You T bet I caught it-when I read a bright little to" 1 got home. started in aS follows: “On the gn*vn ntope of » His Feeling. stood a flrst-class Jersey CÜ*. Inquiring Tourist—Tell n”‘- what were your ■eUMtlona while yon were three legs.” “That’s won’t do, J<,hI1 le. croueliing in your c ■ne cellar with rupted tbe teacher, "y u the terrible tornado racing Just above short" you? e funs’ “No, I ain’t" replh'i ' Kansas Farmer t B a-al, I reckon it's get ®-' thor. “ Y-ou don't wait t •afe to say 1 felt — sorter ——’ under the which Is that a rnilroa I trai» " weather.—Fuck. one leg. and tbe owner of tb* •** , Flxln« the Blame. three thousand ikdlar« '*:1 gg. s losing over a manuscript) moved his whole family -Great beaveaK W.gM|.^ dldn.t time for the Exposition. " you learn to «poll? will be married to rich I " aggie. Learn to spell? What'» tbe die happy ever u'terwan: matter with my apelling? i gnow how to spell all right. The dictionary fel The average man ua* . low a ought to da some learning. Soui- back ot biui than be c** •* •X' 41e Journal hint