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About The Eugene weekly guard. (Eugene, Or.) 1899-1904 | View Entire Issue (April 28, 1900)
for a king. The coming Parle expoet
tlon Is r d to be showed to go by with
out a determined effort to demonstrate
to tbe European masses tbe cheapness
L X, CAMPBELL. Prv*rle»w>
and worth of corn meal as an article
of diet Indian corn Is not grown In
EUGENE CITY ........ OREGON.
Europe, but It can be Imported cheaply,
and be who succeeds In teaching the
Tbe snuff trust Is now under way. masses over there to cook and eat it
will accomplish a humanitarian work
Bnuff ot this!
of almost Inexpressible value, besides
Many of the joker» will probably ft enlarging our exports. Europe’s hun
gay over tbe new grave-diggers' union. gry millions do not yet know what u
Tbe ax manufacturer» will form a
trust That mean» that tbe people will
I am building a bouse on a bill. Re
get It In tbe neck.
cent heavy rains left a foot or more of
water In the cellar. 1 figured on vari
Never a good cause that »uttered by ous ways of getting It ouL Some sug
publicity; never a bad one that did uot gested that 1 get two men to ball It
thrive by privacyl
out, but I soon saw that this would
cost too much. No dump was handy.
Mr. Frick should at least receive At last I decided to try a siphon. 1
credit for upsetting the old theory that got a long line of hose and pipe and
it Is Impossible to get something for laid It from the cellar down the bill till
the outlet was below the bottom of the
1 - ................—t
cellar. Then I tilled tbe pipe with
It is good betting that If a new terri water and Immersed the cellar end In
tory was thrown open to settlement the water. It worked perfectly after a
more towns would be named tiappho few leaks were patched up. I went
than have barred It.
away that night leaving tbe water run
nlng. The next morning when I came
lbe success of the crusade against vack the cellar was empty. So much
the lndeceut drama will not be com for a little science In everyday life. And
plete until the nuisance of the Indecent yet the common run of people, who
poster Is also abated.
bave to do tbe manual work of the
world, are Ignorant of most of the first
When a bricklayer can earn $4 a day laws of science. So they have to do
what's tbe us. going around preaching all their work with unaided muscle.
the gospel for $l»Z> a year and submit They never make Nature work for
ting to all kind» of cooking?
them, because tbe forces of nature are
to them largely mysterious. It Is well
A Chicago society woman 1» anxious that tbe scientific courses In our col
to electrocute waif dogs Instead of kill leges are so generally patronized. Tbe
lug them In tbe ordinary manner, it need of this country for some genera
would be a very shocking method, es tions to come will be young men skilled
pecially to tbe bow-wows.
In practical things. It will always be
a question whether there are not too
A single firm of manufacturers sold
many lawyers and doctors and writers,
over twenty million comic valentines
and persons waiting for nice pleasant
lust February. If, as is not Improb jobs, with large salaries, but there will
able, each one caused uu average of never be too many capable and skilled
Uve minutes' annoyance to Its recipient,
farmers, carpenters, blacksmiths, gar
the equivalent of two centuries of dis deners, machinists, etc.
comfort was the result, How "funny”
such a total seems!
Few studies which are now engaging
Rome of tbe German manufacturers the serious attention of medical science
are reported to have criticised the loco are of wider general Interest than tbe
motives of American manufacture by study of tropical diseases. Some prog
stating they were "made by tbe dozen.” ress has, of course, been recently made
Tbe probability Is that the real ground In this direction, but there are still prob
for the criticism was tbe fact that they lems to be solved If Northern life Is to
were sold by the dozen In competition be adequately safeguarded and fullest
with the product of tbe German uuuu commercial development thereby as
sured lu far Houtbern countries. It Is
no longer a matter of doubt that the
Weather terms are elastic. Havana next generation Is to witness an enor
was full of shlvenug people, and the mous development of the tropics by
visitation was called a cold wave, when American and European enterprise. It
tlie temperature lately fell to fifty-three 1» uot tbe purpose of white civilization
degrees. The Cuban slyle of wlutry that this shall be at a sacrifice of life
blast would be popular lu regions and health proportionate to thnt which
where boreal gales have uo Inclination has hitherto accompanied advancement
to mercy. Tbe West Indian cold wave or created an annual limit of time
la almost matched by the London hot wherein all but the favored few must
wave, reported each summer, wlieu the flee. Comparative safety In and out of
mercury has risen only to a point In season must be had. lu England there
dicative to Americans of seasonable was recently organized the School of
Tropical Medicine, which Is about to
send an expedition of Inquiry to Sierra
A writer In a nos I lea I publication of Leone for the dreaded rainy season.
the Johns Hopkins University de ! This has been preceded by other British
scribes a case which, he suys, "Is Inter agencies having similar alms. Belgium,
esting because It suggests a new oper with lier large African interest, is act
ation — hepatlcocboleeystostocliolreys- ively engaged In the same line of re
tenterostomy, or lieputlcocholecyHtos search. Germany la In the Held, with
tenterostomy.” Every one will be re substantial reports from Prof. Koch
lieved to know that the treatment so ami others. France, If she Is to realize
eloquently described Is only an ad her colonial hopes, must follow suit
vanced method of dealing with colic, The United States, with Its new terri
by which It will be seen that science lu torial acquisitions and their commercial
Its march Is encumbered by the bag promises, la studying yellow fever and
gage It carries. Caesar called It impedi other acute malarial diseases In the
ments, which baa taken a modern sense very center of their strength and at the
very height of their virulence. There
that seems appropriate In this case.
la a mutual concern In all these vari
That royal explorer, the Huke of the ous and Independent efforts, w hich take
Abruzzi. Is not, It seems, an exception cognizance of the value of cleanliness
to the rule that geutlemen who start as a preventive factor, but believe that
out to fl ml the uorth pole have to be complete safety demands supplement
hunted up themselves. The history of ary provision based upon more Intimate
polar expeditious 1» almost Invariable. knowledge of the origin of the diseases
especially rpon the discovery of germ
The Intrepid Individual who fares forth
to the froxeu north always has to be origin, where thia exists, and a serum
rescued. His bark Is scarcely out of to counteract It. Present study of trop
eight Iwlilud the headlands lie fore an ical Ills will be followed by ultimate
other vessel Is fitted out for the puriHMe success for the students. And success
of saving him from polar bears and must have a very Imimrtant effect upon
similar lucouvenlencss. Tbe Italian the commerce of tbe world lu the ap
prluce, who Is to be hunted up by Mr. proaching century.
Nansen. Is merely keeplug up the tradl
Caring a t'olct
tlcna of polar exploration. Mr. Nansen
had a cold.
will bring him home covered with glory
It settled lu his head.
and frostbites, and bls highness will
“Always hits the weakest spot.”
either write a book or take to the lee
Fuuuy friends all said.
ture platform to relate to an admiring
Mr. Blifkins coughed and wheezed,
world how he subsisted on a light diet
Skivered, sueeaed, and shook,
Listened to bis friends' advice—
of blubber and old boots for two or
This is what he took:
three months In the Interest of science
Box of anti kaiuuia,
They all do IL
1 touched bis uose with brine.
Mustard plaster on bis chest.
“Business Chances lu Mnnlla” la the
title of a series of articles front a cor
respondent of Ix-alle's Weekly lu the
Bottle Dr. Klllem's Cure,
Philippines, whose conclusions are • s. Onion stew,
baaed upon a knowledge derived from
personal Investigation. The “chances"
to which be refers are for those with a
Anti febrlne pills.
moderate yet necessary amount of cap
Porous plaster on his back
Bal. and an ad<*quate business training
to grasp and utilize them. Among the
Menthol iuhalalion tube,
opeuings which present themselves as
lucrative |Hiaslbllltlea, be epeclflee An
Kock and rye.
agency for American typewriting ma
Bottle ot cough syrup.
Whisky j'iist a alp,
chines, for which there Is a growing de
Muttou tallow on bis neck.
tnand, but no adequate supply, an es
Box of amt grip,
tabllshmetit for the sale of Atnerlcnn
watches, with competent repairers; an
Amerlcau shoe store; an American
bardwsie store. Including In Its stock
Cure tor croup,
• zui*ply of agricultural Implements,
Emtilsiou of cod liver oil.
but no firearms - the Importation of
which la prohibited; a local and aubur
Home strong beef soup.
ban express route, for which there Is
Every remedy they urged
Mr. Blifkins tried;
urgent need, and photographic estab
Now they say they cured the cold.
llalimenta. with skillful American ojter-
But Mr. Blifkins died.
alora So much for those with twees
wary capital ami business abilities; but —Baltimore American.
for tlie American mechanic or laborer
tbe pro»|>e< ta are not encouraging Uhl
Within the walls of many churches.
nrse and native latior la abundant and In London an* Bibles that are not Bl
cheap, and In the tnsnfel trades tin Ides, though outwardly they resemble
Filipino artisan ts vufficlentiy skilled.
them. Examine one of these curious
dummies, and you will quickly discover
This country produces some 2.0X0,- that It Is not a book, but a box mas
Ot’).isx> bushels of corn annually we querading as a book. Open It. and you
could produce double that If we had will flml the Interior Ailed with wires
enough mouths for It. On the other and dines. Pursue your Investigations
han<l< we read mutually of some mil a little further. Inquire of the preacher,
lions of people In tbe East who are and you will be Informed that the seem
racked with starvation, while other ing Bibles constitute the transmitters
millions are kept on low diet and for of an electrophone company, which has
bidden to murmur. There ought to I* Iwv-n led to adopt this harmless ruse in
some way to make two such facts as order to send over its wires, to Its sick
these connect, and they are bound to and suffering subscribers, tbe fervid
when supply and demand become bet and comforting eloquence of the favor
ter acquainted. Corn Is worth 40 cents ite preacher» of the day.
a bnshel Is mors nutritious than wheat
and costs alamt half as much. All that
Exempt from Jury Service.
la needed Is to make the peasants and
There are In New York City a bent
artisans of Kuro.ie understand that It !<«>.<»•> who are exempt by law or «1»
gaa Uv wade lute dwtirs good enough cuiuatancvs from jury sect less
Eugene City Guard.
I The Syrian in America. |
r? OOKING out upon a bleak winter
J [a landscape of frozen river and
bare factory walls lined dim and
gray aleng Detroit's great artery of
commerce are a number of shabby,
lean to fiarne buildings, some of them
zppareutly ready to crumble and fall
from age. The casual observer, pass
ing them by as very ordinary and very
ancient landmarks, would be greatly
«urprlscd and Interested could he enter
and behold tbe peculiar arrangement
if tbe rooms, tbe Oriental suggestion
if ornament and costume, and tbe
happy-go-easy style of their Inhabit
ants. He would meet dark-skinned
men who at first acquaintance would
be suspicious ami guarded In demean-
ir; gypsy-Hke women, with soft lan
guishing eyes and sibilant speech, and
iwarthy faced children, apparently as
loyous 1., tbelr bumble surroundings .¿a
the most pampered child of wealth.
They are Syrians, and a description of
their quarters and habits lu the chief
city of Michigan is a description of
their life wherever they are found In
towns In the United States, for the
Syrian lu community 1» everywhere tbe
In the colony are three stores, where
Turkish rugs of rare texture, fine laces,
rlbixins and other articles for house
hold and personal use and adornment
are wholesaled to native peddlers and
sold at retail to chance customers. It
took but little pereuaslou to win the
good w 111 of the merchant, and then the
Americnn visitors were invited to an
Inspection of tbe living rooms at the
rear. Bare of carpet, plaster or paper,
they Heemed cheerless and forbidding
In comparison with the store. The
naked rafters and unornamented walls
suggested a deserted barracks rather
than a dwelling place. Yet there was
little Indicative of squalor. Threading
t dlni passage, a glimpse was caught
»f the sleeping apartments, which,
though It was mid afternoon, sh >we<l
the clothing tumbled In disordered
leaps and a general air of neglect and
carelessness. In the construction of
these rooms an attempt seems to have
been made to carry out the prevailing
style ot Syria. They are cavern-like
in appearance, with low, flat nsifs. and
partitioned off with unmatched boards
Little skill is shown ill carpentry. No
doors separate the sleeping rooms from
tlie kitchen. The residence 1» a com
pact, simple affair, with no bewildering
turns or misleading entrances.
Just beyond tlie rows of rooms tlie
visitors came upon an lutetesting scene
It was bake day, and one pretty young
Syrian woman was up to her elbows lu
dough, while another was. aided by a
man (presumably her husband), attend
Ing to the operation of baking The
process was of the same primitive style
as that employed by the Syrians at
borne and resembles greatly the meth
ixI of tlie Mexicans In making frtjoles.
t wo very thin cakes of flour, ns broad
as the rim of a list, were slap|ied to
gether and placed luto the oven of the
stove by tbe man. who used a long,
zpade-llke contrivance. Very soon the
layers Inflated like a toy balloon being
supplied with wind. The bread was
soon brow tied and tbe crisp result Join
ed the heap on tbe flmir.
"Tefuhlduloo!" said the pretty super
intendent of the culinary [Irvceeding.
■ She means Help yourselves,' ” In
terpreted one of the men.
Tlie bread wax quite palatable, but
not as substantial as tie Amerlcau
The Syrians do not customarily aft at
s table to ent. but squat cross legged
around a little piece of furniture alxiut
a foot high, placed In the middle of the
floor. They use no kulves or forks.
Each one doubles a piere ot the bread
into a sort of three .-ornered s;>oon. and
with this Improvised utensil dtps Into
the dish preferred. Syrian etiquette
demands the giving and taking of
sonietlilug to rat or drink on the oc a
» mu of a- visit, and they were not sat
l»n>»l until the ot>aervance had been
Another woman was Industriously
grinding wheat In a band mill a stone
Implement ap|>arently brvugnt from
the home country. A big stone cvn-
trlrnnee resembling a druggist's mor
tar and postal was explained as a vee
sa*l for pounding meat.
W lulr tliensiklng was romg on amid
much apparent luerrlmeiit. a woman
greatly eiunctnfed In app.aran<e. lay
a ek In a near-by room. It .a character
l-ti ■ of t! , Sye<ait% it la said, to ah.iw
Ind ffervnee to illneaa. They try to di
vert tbe patlent'a mind front death and
to roocral from him tbe fact ttiat the
eu.' ta near. Th<y bate Iwau brvd tv
tbe use of little liquor,
having long been under
Koran. They believe,
smoking Is as necessary
tbe ban of the
AFRAID OF GHOST&
Many Member» of the Brute Creation
Fear the «Supernatural.
There Is a widespread belief In south
Germany, lu Ireland, In Scotland, and
1 snow not bow many countries, that
horses and dogs haie "an Instinct" for
uncanny realities. In Germany the
popular notion is that no horse will
pass by the place where the body of a
suicide lies, nor even by tbe spot where
someone has committed suicide, or
where an execution has taken place.
This Is something different from the
repugnance that all borers have to the
neighborhood of a slaughterhouse,
omy a short time ago a Tyrolese horse
of very docile disposition, driven care
fully by his Italian owner, was greatly
upset at having to pass two widely
separated government shambles, used
for supplying meats to tbe crews of
Italian warships. He was also greatly
disgusted at having to go near a scav-
enger’s cart Ills protests, however,
were mild compared with the behavior
of horses under "uncanny" inAuences.
The Moro’s owner said: “A horse baa
a keener nose than any dog,” and be
talked soothingly to him; "didn't know
why that dirt cart was always In the
same place,” “well-welled" him and
told him "the slaughter-house was
fifty yards off his road,” and so forth,
In "haunted” quarters, on the other
hand, the horse refuses with deter-
mlnation; he trembles, snorts. Is cov
ered from bead to heels, in time, with
a white foam, his eyes roll and shoot
fire and the end is sometimes a bad ac
cident sometimes a hard-bought vic
tory for the driver, sometimes his igno
I could name Irish cross roads past
which almost every horse in the county
refused to go quietly after dark. The
nvaixa sHKAn ix nut living boom
last purchase from, maybe, the other
end of the island might be taken to
the pot without any (possibly Indoc
trinated) equine comiianlon to frighten
him, but he unfailingly “turned rusty"
as soon as he tried the unhallowed
ground. The local explanations were
various; that the land on one side was
“cursed." that formerly criminals were
executed and then burled at many
cross roads, and possibly here, and that
the flr trees and a castellated lodge In
one angle of the Intersecting ways
made the »pot terribly dark, and so on.
— London News.
Smoke Ball» In War
Foreseeing *he results of the use of
smokeless powder, I lnveuted some
years ago the smoke attack, and when
the German emperor first visited En
gland showed It to him as something
new In his military experience and he
approved of It, says Maj. Gen. J. T.
Crease In the Loudon Daily Mail.
I also used It at Aidershot and Slr
Evelyn Wood suggested extended trt-
als. but, like many other things, It fell
With properly constructed hand
smoke rockets for the troops and,smoke
lialla for tlie covering artillery, proper
*5 trained In their use, I would guaran
tee to attack frontally any position held
by hostile force, and take It without
much loss atid would tie quite ready to
stake my life on the result
The matter Is one of common sense.
If a number of smoke balls or shells are
thrown by artillery Are just In front of
any trenches s hieh have to be attacked
and of the enemy'« guns, which, placed
further away, cover them, how can
those serving the guns or the riflemen
In the trenches see through such an
Impenetrable curtain of smoke as would
result so as to able with any eertaiuty
at all to direct their Are upon those
making the attack?
Nor In tuck case« would the smoke,
so made. Interfere In any way with our
own covering artillery Are, or In any
way lessen Its value, as the range ami
direction of the enemy would have t»een
accurately obtained before the action
began. 1 «nite to laird Wolseley on
the subject of smoke attacks a short
time ago and was Informed that the
matter bad been referred to bls artil
lery experts. 1 fear the reference has
ended in smoke. It seems a thousand
pities that so really simple, practical
an,l useful an Invention should be reck
le»»ly thrown to one »Ide. more espe
cially as the Inventor baa asked noth.ng
A Wimple Way.
"1 see that Ml»» Susan B. Anthony
want» to raise an Immense sum for the
furtherance of auffrage equaity.”
"Why doesn't »he use It for the total
erad cstou of mankind? That would
t*e much simpler."—Cleveland Plata
A pace that kill» I» tbe rapidity with
which a boy < banges from the cube*
to th« cigarette habit
A gentleman ranker .
Spoiled Hi. Letter - The
He was sitting with bls back against
i bowlder, his rifle barrel resting on a
Hone, tbe stock on bis knees. He was
□sing tbe stock for a desk and was
writing laboriously in pt-ncll on a
crumpled half-sheet of paper, says the
Fall Mall Gazette.
"This 1» devilish bard work.” be said,
"but 1 must get it done to-day. 1 was
always a poor fist at a letter, ilow
do you spell reconnoissance?”
Trooper M3 gave him bls Idea of it.
“That’s all wrong,” he said ”1 m
sure there isn’t a 'k' in it. But it doesn t
matter. All my spelling's gone to the
deuce. I never learned anything at
school, and not mucu since.”
Trooper 1X3 laughed. “Seems to me
you know a lot,” be said.
"No blarney! If you don’t know as
much you ought to be ashamed of
Trooper »43 laughed again. He was
lying on bls stomach with a sharp eye
toward a ¡losslble shot. A dozen other
men were intent on the same businos.
white a couple more were looking after
“They never offered me no commis
sion,” be said.
"Well. I didn’t take the one they of
fered me, did I ? I made up my mind
when I was a kid I wasn’t going to be
a gentleman. I don't see why you
should keep on snickering. Tell me bow
to spell that blessed French officers
name, and shut up. I didn't see the
good of being a gentleman, like a lot
of chaps I knew; It didn't look like a
trade tbat'd suit me. 1 did all sorts
of things to harden myself; used to
wrap up in a blanket and sleep on the
floor Instead of in bed. 1 dare say you
think that was all tommy rot. Well,
p'r’aps It was.”
A bullet buzzedsoverhead. Trooper
»43 sighted and fired.
"1 wouldn’t like to be the bloke’s wife
"Tell me If you see anything else. 1
must get this finished.”
He scribbled on for a time In silence,
dropped bis pencil, picked it up. and
rose to stretch himself.
"Git down, stoopld!” said Trooper
A second bullet buzzed and the oth-
er’s right arm dropped to bls 81 de.
"Slick through the shoulder,” he said.
He sat down again, looking a little
"Now you've bln and spoilt your 'and-
writlng.” said M3. "Told you so. Does
"No, not much, Here, just sign my
name at the end of that letter, will
Trooper 943 signed the name In a
shambling, awkward baud. Then be
began to grumble again.
"Just like you! The best In our little
lot got a 'ole in him. HU' me, if you
ain’t a daisy!”
The other took the letter and cram
med It Into bls pocket with bls left
“Shut up,” be said. "I can shoot
from the left. Hello! Look out!”
The men were on their feet and in
the saddle in a moment, all but Troop
er M3, who fell to one of the twenty
bullets that had spit a ziong them. Tbe
letter writer was down again in a flash
ind had him across his horse. Trooper
M3 laughed again, though rather fee
bly. "Well, you are a daisy!” he said.
The men scattered and rode off in a
«putter of bullets.
“Drop me,” said Trooper 1M.3. “I’ll
be all right. You'll only git copped.”
They did not get copped, but It was
a ride to be remembered all the days
it a man's life. Also, tbe letter was
"You ought to ’ave the V. 0.,” said
M3, some hours later. "You fair saved
"Did IT’ said a voice from tbe next
bed. “And you spoilt my letter, you
ungrateful beggar. You might have
chosen somewhere else to bleed.”
Trooper 043 grinned aud tried to turn
"Fair saved me, you did.” he said.
"You ain't a gentleman, are you? Uh,
Agriculture in the Schools.
The Kansas State Teachers’ Associa
tion will use Its Influence to have tbe
legislature next year enact a law pro
viding for a text book on agriculture
for use In the common schools. The
«pedal committee appointed at the last
session of the State Teachers' Associa
tion to revise the course of study for
tbe common schools of Kansas has re
solved that a text book on agriculture
should be adopted In tbe Kansas
schools, and decided to take steps to
arouse sentiment on the subject. As
a preliminary step it was decided to
adopt agriculture as a portion of tbe
course of study for the next school
State Superintendent Nelson
•ays: "Kansas ts an agricultural State.
The young men of the State should,
therefore, be taught agriculture. How
to keep boys on the farm Is now the
great question. By dignifying farm
life and educating the boys to make a
success lu agriculture the question will
be solved. It Is Just as essential to
teach a young man who expects to fol
low that pursuit how to farm as It is
to send a young man who wants to tie
s lawyer to a law school."—Kansas
An Expensive < nre.
“Went borne Thursday uigbt and
found my wife 111. Symptoms alarming
Dos««l her best I could. Friday morn
ing she was no better. Felt worried,
M Ife dull and stupid. No life to her.
Started for doctor. Struck by happy
thought Turned back, tuie cvm-
"What was ft?”
“Simple as pie. Just Mid Too bad
you have to be sick on t*argain day. my
dear.' She bounced up.
. • ’What? she
cried, how stupid of one to forget' I d
five minutes she was up and dressed
and frizzing her hair."
“Woukln't It have been cheap'r to
have fetched tbe doctor?”
"By Jove. I guess It would.'"—Cleve
land Hain Dealer.
When a loafing rich woman gets al.-k
It 1» very hard for the women «he
work to believe that there la anything
the matter with her wvree than cold
Economy, we regret to »ay. 1» never
the fash ata.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
humorous PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
?n Memory Of.
"What do you call yOdr _
home, Mrs. Fitz Jackson?
"1 don't see any orchard in thi.
“No; there was one peach beWM
cottage, but It died.”—InJi.» **
World over Sn>*ng. th.» Am Ch..r-
Likely to Be an Acqui»iti0.
“Who are these new peopl tin..
moi ing Into the house next d iorr ’
”1 don’t know, but 1 am sure weihl
Brown-Yes, Jones married a rich get along splendidly with them t C
liave Just unloaded a wbe«*li,ilrn.w
wife, but be leads a dug » life-
a lawn mower.”—Chicago Tritu* M
Smith—Is that so?
Brown Yes; be doesn't do a blessed
thing but lay wound the house and go
“lie Smithers says he Is the arch;»,
out tor an airing between meals.
of his own fortune.”
fui »« O»d or Young-Funny Selec
tion. th.t Everybody WiB Enjoy.
“Yea, but it’s probably lucky for wj
A Rude Bird.
"When Della s young man calls she that the building Inspector il:Jot .
has to put her parrot out of tbe room." pen around while he was makinz n.
“Oh, her father taught it to screech,
A Man of Brains.
Time to go,’ whenever the clock
Mrs. D’Avnoo <lndigtiantlr)_tye,
Move out of the city and live to?,
suburbs? Indeed I won’t so there
Saw Lot» of It There.
The American—You have no Idea of
.Mr. D’Avnoo (who wants to.,,
the Immense wealth of tills country un niizel— My dear, a pretty womaL J
you never looks so charming a,
til you’ve traveled over it.
The Foreigner—Oh, yes, I have,
sitting in a phaeton at a suburlao
way station waiting for lier husbx^
lived In Europe.—Life.
She went.—New York Weekly.
Craftiness of Man.
“Thea,” and her eyes sought tbe i»
embers of the oak block, "you««,-,
kind as a husband should be. j,
n-never give me any Jewels.”
“Jewels!" and his basso voiceie<"M
to come krom his heart. “Youukt»
Jewels? Any one with diamond ey-
ruby lips and teeth of pearl ask s
jewels? Why, the rarest gold con
buy would only I k * superfluous?"
Then for the first time In days u
Mistress—Why did you leave your
Facts in the Cn.e.
Smiles—I’m glad I wasn’t
Bridget Yer very inquisitive, mum. peare.
I nlver axed ye why yer last cook left.
Giles—Why are you?
Smiles—Because 1 should be <
Not by a Long Shot.
“We may be farmers.” said the Boer
Giles—Yes, thnt’s true—god stu
general, as he ordered two more bat peare would be forgotten.
teries to begin operations, "but that’s
Where Lamb» Gambol.
not admitting we don’t know anything
“Have you ever seen Ilnmeo ¡g
about the shell game.”—Puck.
Juliet?’” inquired tbe Throop «■«
Getting nt the Fuz-ts.
Wife (after the honeymoon)—Why
"No,” responded the red-vestedjotj
did you deceive me about your Income? “but I have seen Romeo to my som».1
Husband—I didn’t, my dear.
And his empty pockets showed f
Wife—Yes, you did. You told me you Romeo had seen him.
were getting $50 a week when you
asked me to marry yf»lt.
Husband Yon evidently mlsunder-
stood me. I said my position was worth
$50- and so It is—but for some reason
best known to the boss he gives me
Not Her Fault«
“Is this the cracked wheat, Jane?”
“I dun' know, mum; I ain’t looked at
It or teclied It, an' if it’s ctficked. It wuz
cracked afore 1 come here.”—Chicago
“What Is it, Dorothy?”
“Did you give me that parlor tsmp
last Christmas, or did I give it to you?”
McJIgger- So he’s married again.
Married a widow.
“Going to the Taris exposition »
Thingumbob—Yea, with six children,
ranging from 2 to 14 years. When they
line up they’re regular steps.
McJIgger—Naturally; they're his step
“I hope you will, Varnum."
"We ought to begin saving money
The Voice of Experience.
Bronson On what grounds do you It, oughtn't we?”
“Yes. Thnt is, you ought, lit
suppose that college professor bases
his statement that 10 per cent, of mar ing to run an American boa::,
riages are unhappy?
Henry Peck—He probably spends DC
per cent, of his time at borne.—Puila-
"Billy, I’ll take in de Paris expwM
Jelphia North Amerlcau.
show only on one condition."
“What’s dat, Sandy?”
A Modest Bequest.
“Hat dey cut out de ’Palace of W
Hewitt—My money Is my best friend.
Jewett Well, the best of friends must try.’ ”
part; lend me live, will you?—Harper’s
His Private Opinion.
"My dear,” said Mrs. Jorgson, as'
closed tbe book site had been reii
"do you know what is the most cor«
thing in the world?”
"Of course I do.” replied the >’
half or the combination. "The ■
curious thing in the world Is a »»-
that isn’t curious.”
“Now, Julius, when yo' see a rabbit's
tracks leadin' inter a holler log, what's
“Boy, haln’t yo’ got no sense In yo'r
head? Par's de tracks, an’ dar’s de
boiler log. an’ de conclusbun am---- ”
She—Rummer Is my favorite m
It’s so delightful to alt under 11» »
and listen to the concert by n”
(enthusiastically) — I’nt
though? And it doesn't cost 3
“You must think I'm a fool
“I would never have ventur’d*
so." replied hlB better half. 'W1
thnt you have mentioned it. • *®
prepared to deny it.”
On Listening Term».
"De conclushtin atn a ba r, pop!
Are you on speaking terms <i
"No, merely on listening trrffl«
Talmlst Your hand shows me that
No Grounds for Aranmen^
you have had a fight this morning
“What .Is life?” asked the I*1
Visitor—You could tell It quicker by of the class In moral etli. -
the other fellow's eye.—Baltimore
“The absence of death, rep**
And the professor let It g 1 aI “,i"
“T hat s an awfully heavy cane”
"Yes. I I call
“ it my Don t Worry club.*'
An Author in Embry*
The art of writing a short rtoff
“Because If I hit anybody on the seem to be easy to many P ' *
he.'i'l with It he doesn't worry any they never realise Its diffim11?
■lore. —Chicago Tribune.
they try. In a Southern * .
teacher, as an educational >»1*^
Where were ___
last _ night? assigned each pupil the ta*** c
JXitgs Out pursuing happiness’
an original story.
On tbe day when th* )
- " * did
“ you catch It?
bet I caught it-when I read a bright little to" 1
started in aS follows:
“On the gn*vn ntope of »
stood a flrst-class Jersey CÜ*.
were your ■eUMtlona while yon were three legs.”
“That’s won’t do, J<,hI1 le.
croueliing in your c
■ne cellar with rupted tbe teacher, "y u
the terrible tornado racing Just above
“No, I ain’t" replh'i '
t B a-al, I reckon it's
•afe to say 1 felt —
——’ under the which Is that a rnilroa I trai» "
one leg. and tbe owner of tb* •**
, Flxln« the Blame.
three thousand ikdlar« '*:1
gg. s losing over a manuscript) moved his whole family
-Great beaveaK W.gM|.^
dldn.t time for the Exposition. "
you learn to «poll?
will be married to rich I
" aggie. Learn to spell? What'» tbe die happy ever u'terwan:
matter with my apelling? i gnow how
to spell all right. The dictionary fel
The average man ua*
low a ought to da some learning. Soui- back ot biui than be c** •*
•X' 41e Journal