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About Independence enterprise. (Independence, Polk County, Or.) 189?-190? | View Entire Issue (Dec. 12, 1895)
1'llllXir 1IK1.I) ON. ITAIO WITH THl WHALB AND Hi 1 .... ,. uui i men. Nuw I " fwllllHf Aa" ' pari f WnrUI. . story J VVrdl, thrin't a ""Ll uf ",r",, lm,"r- AIkiu "'a"1' .Minna i'i""'" - - A WK wlmlo w nlKlilixl hUhiI milc out. mm '"'n'" tiffed. Every itiuu uf crow a"' . mill when III nlnrin la kaittfl I'" ' I1 . ........ .v..i vlliliitf nilillliukifiir ylrm ' - .aTal the first rry.f 'WlmJ.'!1 th.. M . l.ft Id ',M' ilHli man driving ""K'f town dnmi ! ') llm t.iltki''r tliwrUvl hi. 1. W rv..rylKly rail. ' i .. IHllllO trilH, Mlllt llllll IIHII'lll naul III lit ahlrtsl.fVea, Mil ll"" 1 I, 1...., uh ll. UUri IF Ifc llllilll. l-lllhull'l. J''" - - . ... i. m i I here. Votl ce. n Vn will get Hlul ,f llw "Lulu killed, i'"" III""''"""'' I1'" I""- Jj 'lll"lM " lllll (MllK.lim tHll,Ilttll1l, " u.,.n ki i-t riulit Hum timlir 'hl f"f ""' Mil 'IH'""K,,''Jr H'I'I .1, Jl,.Kt'IK'lltl M'l- K" """ V " oniiil.-n, tliirt 'w rolling tu fnau uff aeu h there alwity a rlmlry Ih'. Jirt, iimt. lHxl "l r'i ll tlm w huh. . , t, iuiiiii IIIIH". inm"K t'lim-i . tlllk'k tl ' l''' "" "''. )"' 4,, R. m.l llt lilt'"'. I'O'kll' fr"111 " oc!i'i w'li'liTln wlilrh Im.'iI Tl' I-iiiiiiii lm w liillimw Abarp"' '", ,,," ,'x'',"',1 ,"" kJ, m ilm ihtr. Il"ilt tlin-w t art mid '" y' mi U''11 i,J.wiiiimI i ily th mi Tlit'lil " irril B(Mpvrrv(hiim Miilili iily tiim-iir n kM ii'f'y "iiii'tti"". "fhiUiiu w'ui ihrowil out f tl tnt vt up mjitiii't tli ilii if ll"' mi pt. riiiii'p " ''',,,' from ljiiitf Ilnmt, hall ... ... . i.... i.. Bovwnll. it wlillt. pvrry h.-r mull n irHi r'K''t " u,tw w',f.. mi.l mrm k tl wlinln Itti- klublow jul l k of hl L'ft nipjw ntn1 tlW It. "Vm. that iiil "low . ,,,J ,hlr iifvrf ilit rittht wt hn h . ..ih til.iw. I'lttttttwt duln't wnt ftk-hi kutfo. ul liKwiuM iMuli loot. While li wm haiiK" " 1 iktwbalx dlvwi Ui tlw UxKnn of thi mo, uklnu I'hlllli li -r ....... Iuiril nf LttflU InUltliliT li't- ng( go of nuyiliiiiit voluiiuu-ily Uwt hl wry in tt. ik rhlll- hvUl m. Tlt tluiW n am" to tlm urfii, or iW m iw he mine op ho inml" for tl . ul.nl.. tu.vpr tiiiiifil until h pltm mlh out. when h rwllinl wit I'hlUtlM w iui Mttklii oil "i" wnl ;!i', you mk, iuhI whin the whli .jl.i v..r 1 1,.. ixli.T wiit It bmuuht Lk faniKT on th lipT il iwiliinitoly tlnu footing' i" f M liiiln off. he k ni ?mrWrii miiltiwl hluiwlf to hi kulfi. mU fust Ix'himl the miti-bourd flu. i4 went to lo'p. "Well. Mir. it Khip cum" " pml the mini IIhto m.lixnoii top t f the bli-. The ltipxT hut hit runup him up. 'Whnt re ve doing Umto? ii enyn 'HlKtuiiiK.'' itrH Iliillil. "I'y nnt to Imv n wlmlef "Tlie kipixT wim Ynnkoo nnl iw lt there win money in thin Job. wilw Jrrwl to r-i no tlie tnu-k funnor mirl hllaki... l.i K.iitlmllltltilll for IHltll' Uf wlmtever lutenul ho hml in the tlulf. "'Not a rent W thmi '.'f'0 will unit," wiiil riiilliiw. "Then utiiy on.' wii.l tl' fkippw. Ml he wpuiriHl briuin nnil kuIIihI nwnjr, 't'ltiR 1'hillipK wlii-rw he w"" i Kliirkv mini, uuil he knew what Wli' wim worth. Anil he nll to him , 'I'll Mirk to my wliule till 1 jP't V Priii'. if Ilmv to Hvo on MuIiIht I'll unimuiT,' mid then he ent oui flmnk fi r it Imich, "But he wiw l iulit in the tnu k or ve- 1 mill wiw llimlly pirkinl up nt WlPiiii hv h whulo Mhip jwl g""i'K kmrnl to ld-ring wit. and they took ' bond and lame and paid Phillip " " K wy I,, K Hlong more limn ne kl.yhiH truck farm aim ."" kilemiM flvnv..itr. The Hkipi"T rea- 1 that it man who could go out nnil kill ...i... i.. -i .i. . iirmiinur klllfe. "xl hud pluck enough to "tick to hi flint su he Hold it, would 1m' a g""" "take on the voviurn. And he wan right. ! Ui vcnw'1 had the higg'.it k'"" . and ciimo home full of oil. Tlm of the truck fitrmer gave him Mxtart, mid ho iuveeliil it R ond Hold ,,t t New Yorker for "ntry mint. "Ho liven over yonder in that pretty tsgn. hut you'll know him by a hi no-o, where the whal w1! ontho Iiottom of the ocean eight fl "wxago." New York Heraiii. Protid ol Ilia Work. f 1 hnpa you like your work, my 1". !...: ..1.1... W iwlfiou to ""'iikit boy ui thoy waited together "ortwH a rtrmtt "Men who take pride 1 their work are the men who iroo "Ob. I'm a word breaker. Uie ""ager Maya. " "Thafi Uie way for Tiotalk. Tollmebowyouuui n. . . . a. l.a l.wiry Uie other boya." "I can ""' lto than any of klmlrnU if Mmi t'nlurt, l imy IiiiiI In my own Mmly Nt Ox f'.r.l not only Turk.. Ar.,l, mm,m, hlniiii...c.. JupniMMi. nnil (:hl,,Wl )llt lively,.,! only the 0 r (lliy , v,t frnIl imo nf the ltl.i. kfi,e IihIIuiim, th II rut of thiit trihu who hml ev. r ,t f.n.t on I'.iikIIkIi Roll, h hhmi i,ltw,nK mi,j (). telllHi'iit mini, who wan liewMllliiu hi tun tlm fata of IiIm run', ilnomcl, u, 1U thoiiKht. to ,lUiipH iir from thf fn(.0 f tlm iiiiili, hm if liuliy Ionium m Aiwyrl mi, Ai'ihIImiik mn lliitlle huil not din KiNnr,'i iH.lore. llm immil w, HtroiiK llnltuln I ik. ItiifTulo Hill), mi.l iit I'owi'rful, ,li't,.i inin,.il uuil m iihihlii mini lie w i liii il. He m ilIdiIikI f yCJK Molmwk w ho uIko iini totloplnrti to inn the ful n of hu run,. He nmiii to Onfur, liiuiiy y. iim n. to Miiily iiiimIIi Iiiii. I rittiie in IiIm piiint mid fi mlii iK, hut li ft In hi cup nikI invn hihI l imW u ,r,,. 11,'lnK ili Mu imi m t.ii niitn. 'llii'Mt vUHh of klriiiigi'm from (lintmit liimla urn ofli-n highly limtruetlve. 1 nelli il aoiiie kimw li ilun of tint Moluiw k hniHiiiiKK from Dr. Oroiiylm Tekn. Due In Hum liroiiitht In rnniurl with muiih of the hmliiiH uplritu nil over the world. I hwveiiow, or hu,i liml, ptipl Ih. fili-nilit noil I'm n ..i. ml. urn in Inilm, lm nut, Hiiiiii, .Iiiiiii,('1iiiiii, Knri'ii iiye, even in tlx' l'nh lll. unit .MrliuirHlilll ihlulllll,, In fMiiiih Ainerii ii mnl In m vitiiI African eltli'iin nta. Max Mulli-r in Nlni'lwn'li O'liliuy. Tha lanUltr llmrrltillv l'rl. It IniiV In' fiilii'l f ill lii iilli'iiinl lii Irni'H n jii nn Hi. ii Ih twifii III" inrily of the uicdltiilive iihmhI uiiiolig nuili'iH mid tint pti'Vuli'iii e of hot t pu'iiiK iiuiniig writer, hut I'i'ttiiiiily them in it fulling off in h ug x i'iiin on ilie im-tIm of in,- lurr. ll wimlil In, u In live WuriUu nrlli who ImIiiv would write mi exriirHimi mid t'liiei't to Imve tt read ill the inn- uieuU nf IciHiire int'oriied to Ilie imruiul iiiuii or wi.iniiii. HniiK'liixly would rend 11 In miter l.i urlli, u levlew i f II. u liort review that one iniilil read while wuitlUK to 1.I111I on mi eXH'iiliiu lur en- juyliiK niituie, hut ery few other jko- .li' w.. n lil. We me mi iihtiI In the trull kli'iit imtl itu. Viirlnn. w eull Ull 10 iun klv t-i.iii one ioai l to iniiillii r, Ihat we ileiiimiil Hint our port" eluill lv hm Ull illlphtwioil, llot M ili'M ri.linn, 01 wo Imve hi rouiph'ti'ly inlirnil into the imK.i.Mi aii'iiea tin, ureM'iire nf eoliteiit. flTurt mnl ultiiiiiini-iit that we im-int ou aoiiie huiiiim enngowtumor enmci iiritniitr lo cinittut within the liiiiitmif no rail rd M'lry of luituie. Our poeli, have B'nllxi'd ihut thew I" w ant time for ltd-iln-KM-a mid oilin to the mighty liiuui- featutiona nf creative Inlre. uuil eomi'ill lliiiiMdvm with the rt'tl'i tloii of a fleet ing nioul ,'uught in o iloM'ii luiiw mnl flj,l oil the imge of i inaKaziue. l'hll' mlelphiit Cillu ii. A Maa(hl of Hod. Th little girl fume Into the drug atnre. nw- rit'itth, thir." h wid, "mother thaylh have yon n nuiight of ohi?" "A wlmlV related theelerk. "A imtiglit of doihi." reiterated the little girl . yim want a rIumi of fmla water: kkitl theelerk. ( "Su. thlf- Mother .hnyth I cunt Imve thm till evi uiu. Wie lluiyth Imve yim tittnght of eodit':" ' Willi t l'U "Ull Ull '1111 . imnmi". " pnuleil ch rk. 'I hec hild grew impatient. "A intuxht "f ol'i." "4"1 BhHrP It " Whv, it Ith it f tumy h""'" wif tliiinirter'to it. mid it g.K'th when yim work it." ,', "Oh I Yim mean it mphon of , eji'lauinxl theeleik. ...... "Oh I ThipheiiJ Thipheii? Veth.thir. it walh th'plun. Hot thiplieim mid ininuht ith the limine, uiu't it?" Ami the ilirk tid that eiphers itnd timilll.ti. wi. the wtn.e.-Pl.ihidelphia Auicrii'itn. , ) ot WooHr ol l-hjalefc An extK'rieii'-eil niii'hnnio who was M hat he tegurded a the niont wi,.lerful tlil.iK for general utility re-riudi-Thetrai kingof ntr !. !l enHtMn.i.l.'rf..l thing to mo iu the He? two railH. up hill itnd down till round tlio hrp curve ..mil .. ong UU tangent, and upon them J t Wow !hw.il '' . .. .. .1....,,.. 1...UW eiiiH drau uy nI eternity. Au n - " t,wl turned np mi t"e " "' wheel bold.. l''rM . . on'd nrelyto the rail u Th. Or.gl f Mr.. "..! iIwnmiiywh"'l"ily"H0,lK,",u"9 , 11, w mi, oj her origin? Mr--l)r,U"?. r U ;ved that Pi.ke.iH U ,a (ienc-.e.... .,.... ,iuta waa mmiciio v . A(lvrtjw,r points writer u nliNtllke. Tbe . MvK. Uruudy waa Tlium- rr. - titit (horn lM Jlurt.m. t ie '' ,hn anthr of H Jiurtn... or-n 7 ( i" nth()r(jf in Kho i jnerery a v wife. whom Dame A .. --. , 8U110 wuetantly .'ll,,rH' '?, to Mm. way a fuin-y '"i' Han is. A veritable Curloalty. rvn a curiosity for your mnHouui-a Uh nothing. ' rM to one baa bat-U BiT"b''' - ,,,! read tlirougn u her faculti.. eo l u t rem. ...i-,,m. couldn t hear un to V Caliber .Wth.hasni tolliKcntly i yp.lrV takiRt Wheu ManuKer--" rk Sun. Ma eh cunto P-crlpU b BlTU Prwcr , ,, lit,, todoaonie- thhlB tlmtwcnld maw '"MSl-Then why don't you nt.rry him. Vogue. ALA S K A ('A X A DA A N K EXPLANATION OF THE TREATY 80 MUCH DISCUSSED NOWADAYS. lorn Kipwl TraubU lltwwn tlm Two Uovarmnanta vr Till Matter, but Very Mkl It Will All II ri! Vp hr tha Xlata lNpartinatita, If yon arc a ncw-pnper reader, which, of courae, yim are, elan you would not ba rending thia, yoa have been por.r.lil over and over ngnin by the almoat dally lluaiona to the ((Input about the bound ary between Ahmka and Canada, and It In quite piMMihln that yon have formed an opinion ax to the right and wrong of the mutter, ierhapa without really knnwliiK much about it. It la the opin ion of the preaeiit writer that Hut thia article la to lie Informing merely mid not Inflammatory and will deal with facta ami not pre fcrencra. In a way the difference between the qni'i'ii'a coIoiiIkIm hiiiI Uncle fain'a men are a legacy from the RiiMhinim, aiure the treaty between Kuxnia mnl the Ilritinh dclliiiiig the eiihlem boniidnry of Huh xliin Americu waa iieeepled by the Unit ed HI ii tea when Ahmku waa inirclni-eil from the KuHiaiiM in lfl7. No trouble anifii until a few yearaugo, when partiea of Aniericmi and (Jiuiadimi engineera were cent to locale the line. The Hritih interpretation of the treuty differ from uid .immvil IIIHIM TKI) TKIIKITOIIT. the American interpretation ; hence all the talk. Brielly, tho proviaiona of the treaty, ao far an the prtwent contention got-H, are iih followa : Frnm the llfty aixtb parallel of lati tude (north) "tho line of demarcation -hall follow the anmmit of the mouu tuina aituated parallel tothecouHtaa far aa the point of iuteraection of tho one k..i..inH anil fortv-firet decree of weat loiiKitude," but "whenever the mirumit of tho numutaiua ahall prove to be at a diataneeuf more than ten marino league from the ocean, " the boundary lino now iu dinputc "ahull be formed by a line parallel to the winding of the coaat, and which unll never exoeed the distance of ten marine lcagnea therefrom. " Thia ai-euiB aimple enough, but in thia aaan nil In mi liianv others. uiieaiancea aro deceptive. In the first place, there ia no mountain range 'parallel with the coaat," and ao the three league line muBt be laid out. The qneation then hingea ou whut ia "the court." There are two English and Canadian interpre tations. One ia that the boundary line should he construed to extend parallel with the outer shore of the isluuda atruug along the mainland, and the oth er that the lino shall be ruu purullel with "the B,,l,,r"1 ,'onHt lilie ' 11ie capea and poiutB of land nt the main land." Tho Americuu contention ia that the line nhull be uniformly .'lOmilea back from the main const line. If the first of the Knglish contentions shull be adopt ed, there are places where the Alaska boundary line will not touch the inuiu lund at all. If either lie accepted, much territory that bus heretofore been con sidered belonging to the Uuited Htiitea will be Cuuadiuu territory, but the ac ceptance of the American contention will leave the line ubout aa it now fig urea on the school maps. From an agricultural point of view the territory in question does uot ainouut to much, but gold mines, diversely de scribed aa not, of much account and of gnrpiissing richness, huve been found there within tne pawi if" J'' the claims put forth by some Cuuadiaua and some Americans that the "other fel lows" nre trying to "hog on" to what they ought not to be allowed to, huve. Some there are who expect trouble be tween the two governments over this matter, while others hold that it will be settled peacefully in due time. Some there nre ou both sides who consider the territory iu dispute to be well worth ..i ., rr if iicpiI be. while others say the more territory either government possesses ill tliat part or tn i Z .. n iu At all events there ib little likelihood of a war about it until A..,,-i,.nn nnil Canadian nu- aner ooiii oineering corps have reported ou the whole business and tho state ttepari meiita of the two governments have had a chance nt it. m, a i.,.v,..,a mid others who most J.DOKB i,uo.... atroiiKly resent the present claims of the Canadians say these claims never won . have been put forward had not the gold . norl I.PPH found. Cuna- declare the nresent claims to have beeu put forward jllm. v ....l.lfll,lu worn lllSCOV- lonif berore me ic"""""" -------- 1 f , .th .,f note that if the . ..ij in fnvnr of the Caiia dispute I' , . .. ' .i ,viil hnve the seaport of CliaUS Ulrj .il ' .1.- i,.roPst. town in Alaska, Juneau, - ... . , , iu thn entrance to the . .. i.,n ia located ou the mainland. 150 miles to the northwest of Sitka, the capital oi u fa the starting point of all intmng and twosnectiug partiea bound for the inte prosiiecuuK , v Hivi,l from rior. Winers k . , Jnneauas early in the spring aa possi ble, usually in April or MThia e ablea them to materially reduce tbedia iance over which they must pack their plunder, there being plenty of enow for gledding at that time. wit'-') V WW hZ TIDE WAVE FORTY FEET HIGH. Awful llora That Dawpi Bvarythliif for It no liliif Hivar. Tu'Imu vi.iir.iit aiiu'. Ii eoiilniix the fanioua tide of the Tsien Tang river, that flow from the bonier or Kiangai, if.,i,Li.,ii un,l Clu'liliinu to Hauuchow bay, atlulii their greatest heigtit, and Imro of aoinetinina over 40fot in heiifhe nwwipa Irreaistlhly np ita ahallow and funnel hujMd estuury, onen prismciuK iw... nu imviai to the aurrouiidiiig fouutry i houi ellsnaum, "money dike," from the uiinmnt exmnded In ancueKslve rcnturlox on Ita embuiikmenta. It la seen at ita best at iiungoliow, the prefoctnral city not far from ita month. Twelve or 14 minute before It ia visible u dull, distant roar ia heard, momentarily awelling, until the wall vt muddy water, tall aa tlm bulwark of the biggest liner, ua overwhelming ua a Klueior, aweepa into sight round tho bend a mile uwny. Not a bout ia to be aoen on the lately crowded river. All are hauled up on to the huge embankment ami linaAed foro and uft Willi ii dosseu rattan cubic, for none but i'eiin going aloumera could tern the current, and even they would need skillful iiiivigation. Aa the eagre iicara tho roar become deafening ua storm at sea, drowning the excited shout of the thousand who lino the walls, until flnully it foam pact in turbid majesty, hurrying toward the heart of China. The Chiiiei-e uunala tell how, J ,000 year ago, liiiice Wu k'.lni "Ado fiOO "daring" archer slnait half it .down arrowa each ut the udvancing floM, und then, after praying to Wu Ts.-si (the tutelary deity of the stream, and origi nally an upright minister, whose body was cast into the river after Wu had committed suicide), put the key of the .iibu u-Hiiir ifittn into an envelorss und throw it into tho stream, whereupon the water retired. Hut us by that time they would have flowed back in uny cuso, even te Chi nese did not regard tho experiment as very miraculous. A couple of hundred years later the emieror, Kan Taung.hud ten iron plate, euch weighing about 150 pounds, sunk in the river by way of propitiating the apirits, but the water promptly carried away both chariii and embankment. (July lust century a Hang-Chow tea merchant leaped into the river, like an other Murcua Curtius, to avert the an nual disaster. Black and Whiter Mining l-y Hog Power. "I was riding throngh the mrThutaina In Trinity county a few daya ago," said a prominetit mining man yesterday, "when I hapjieiied to take a trail that led by old Burlap Johnson 'a cabin. You know he has always beeu called Hurlap Johnson because he waa never kuowu to wear a pair of boot, but always kept hi feet wowed up in burlaps like cau vas packed bums. I took dinner cold corn bread and bacon with him, and then aat down for a smoke. . " 'Wouldn't yon jest aa aoon do your amokin outside, podner? he asked. ...iw.inlr1 .mid I. 'but von don't object to the smoke of a cigar, do you?' I was naturally aurpriaed, for he waa already putting away at an old corncob " 'No, course not, seeiu afl I'veSruok ed High on to 60 yeuis, but I keep my hogs at work. "My curiosity was arousea, nm isam nothing. He took dowu a double bar reled muzzle loading shotgun and his powder horn. Then he went out to a m 1 1 1 ai... Via shed and got a pun oi sneneu rami. on- ll(lU.'ll 1-11 fl liAiwh ut the cabin tloor. PU ll VI TT ' in iiiiiir.ua uitiu a - t .,,1 i, i. fftniilft Of (Milt 11 OH OI powder and poured a handful of corn into each barrel, iie put ou a pere.iri" ..muuuH It flmvil Wlin lllti IlllllillJO. cwked both barrels und blazed away at the side hill across the lituegnicu. The rour hud not died away till a drove of hogs came miming, grunting and squenliug, and commeuced to root the sidehill for the corn. Whenever they slacked up in their work, tlie oia man .!....,! .,tlwtr fliurirn of com. " 'That'a a mean trick,' I said. yWhy don't you feed it to them in a trough?" .... ... 1.- i.t " reed it to em: uo repcmo'i ,u amazement. 'Then theywouldn tworK XJT. nn. "'What do you want to makelhem 13ui.lAa tl.nV fliltl't lieeil it. wnrV for. and why do you waste -corn .... . i,, f Him ilnn't, need it? ' 1" " ' - ' . 'Whv mini alive! xnevao us uiuuu oU f.,r tiinii would. They root up irt n,ul when the ram comes x sluice it.' "Ti.uii T mulct-stood that he waa us ii,. Unna tii luilii him miua" Sau iuk 'J1" 'r-' - i ' Francisco Post. A HlEh Triced Hanginan. L'lntiuiisigpnnt says that some years ni?o Charles Caateliam, tlie imii,r fii tn imiiit a nicture of 'M. puiuici, ... , .... j Dei bier, the executioner, to be exhibited in a panorama of Parisian notabilities. He didn't, because Miua Deibler de- on noil francs for the privilege of titkinir the "famous" hangman a likeness. In a Hurry. Guest Geewhittaker 1 You've spilled twt onffen all over me l v,.;i,- Vprv sorrv. sir. but I was hurryin to get through. y ijmbk, I'm in no hurry. u7it.,rVn. sir. but it'a most time for a geutlemau to come iu wot always foes me, sir! New ior vttwa.ij'. Knowledge and Motwy. Bnggs Some people have more money than tbey know what to do with. TaggsThey seem to know -what to do with the dimes i as iumu iwi. troit Free Press. n.kio nriniiinllv mpitut to cull over. aa beana or peas would be examined to free them from pebbles. Wyclif 'a trans lation of the Bible aaya that "Gideon garbled hia host. " rr j j ATi.ollATit nrenaration IUT UMUU1UU au m . ia made of two ounce of powdered borax, an ounce ol powaereu mui" and two quaria oi doihuk PUNS ANDJMIIXSTKILS. A DEFINITION OF THE FORMER AND EXAMPLES OF THE LATTER. A Far Hiwolraana of tha Hotter Claaa of tha laiwaat form ut Wit -Tom Hood tha prliMia of Mrttlah fonateva- Ha Pana a Naturally aa lla l-auaha. Ia the pun legitimate form of wit? Borne Hiplo think uot, and I. Johnaou laid thut a man who would make a pun would pick a pocket. But the fact ia that the general objection to puna ia be canse of their frequent lack of wit that ia to any, it i directed to bud pn.1", Wa do not want to diaen bud puna or even to hear them. The point ia, whether gixid puna are ailniiasihle aa legitimate and commendable exproa aiona of humor. It i of no use to auy, like Kydney Kmith, thut puna onght to be in bud repute, and, ulthongli one (Inils an incorrigible punster often, it ia true, tin incorrigible bore in every little circlet of aooiul life, one diaja not find the raco of pickpocket to be in creasing ularmiiigly iu number. Nor do the Htutiticn of crime aeem to beur Hiiy relation to the prodiietiona of Plunchet or llrongh or of Gilbert to the spread of burlesque and the cultivation of Huh ballailist iijH-ru. . It is prnlAble that there are a few, even iu t hese day of culture, capable of appreciating the profound witticism which Do Quincey discovered in the Jests for which poor Mhm Lamia waa put to iloul Ii by Uomitiun. Cicero had the name of beiug u great punnter, although not many of his wit ticisms havo come dowu to ua. There ia one, ho A-ever, thut may be appreciated even without a knowledge of Latin. Once a Jew attempted to get the cause of Vcrrea into hia own hands, and Cice ro, who believed the Jew to be a mere tool of the culprits, opposed him by ask ing, "What hath a Jew to do with awine'a fl.vh" The Itomaus canea a boar "verres," so thut the point waa ueat and appropriate. If wo want to argue the legitimacy of puns we are obliged to fall back on the old discusiiiou ua to the difference be tween wit and humor. The deflnitiona are legioual of course, but not one of .i,, iu wimllv satisfactory. "Knowl edge eumca and wisdom lingers," Ten nyson says, ami perhaps we migui.' upon this n parody, with some approach to truth that wit sparkles and humor permeates. But there ia little profit to be got iu unalyis of thia kind. What ia funny isn't uocessaiily witty, but what is funny must have iu it or suggested by it some of the essence of humor. Tkni rii.irl.'M Lamb was not ao far wrong when he said that the most far fetched and startling puns ure tne oest. The familiar inquiry, "la it true tnai the first apple waa eaten by the nrst nair?" ia farfetched, but one cannot it. Acain. in the U21Jy 11IU .auuaw - t conundrum, "Why is blind man's buff like sympathy" "liecause it i o- low feeling for a fellow creature, thorn ia direct application Whicn 18 alao uuquesiiouably humorous. Then, aa another example or a jjuu wmt.i uK.r,IW nnnnrmiK there WU8 DoUglaB Jerrold'a remark about a man to whom he had repeatedly written in vain xor aonie money. I have written mm, saia jerrum to an acquaintance, "but got nothing. "Strange," said the other, "for he ia a man full of kindness. " Yes," rejoined Jerrold, "unremit ting kinduess. " A pun which requires explanation in brackets is indeed simply intolerable. The Oxford scholar wno, lueeiwis porter carrying a hare tlirougn me streets, asked, rtitnee, inenu, ia iiiao thv own hare or a wig.' requireu au commentator. Thia same story is some times attributed to Chariea Lrfunu. xor did Tom Hood, who, when all is said and done, remains the prince oi nrtiitu ,.o.Dru R nnim hs naturally as he laughs. A babe oan see the point of hia jokes, and the crustiess ary-as-uuw u not resist them. Theodore Hook is thought by many u or.m.1 tn Hnnd as a punster, but Hook was labored and slow in compari son. There is an impromptu air about Hood's puns which is incomparable, and an unexpectedness, even wueu juu am i,i,i., fm. tlim. that is delicious. JIIUJWUK. " . - . . Frederick Locker once or twice seemed to have Hood's unconscious ease, as runs . He cannot be complete in aught Who is not humorously prone. A man without a merry thought Can hardly have a funny bone. John Hill Burton relates a legal joke which, to the legal mind, has all the charm of a pun. Oue day a bailiff, serv ing a writ, had been compelled by the defendant to swallow the document In a state of great agitation and anger the officer rushed into the court, over which Lord Norbury was presiding, to com plain of the indignity. He was met by the expression of hia lordship's hope that the writ was "uot returnable in this court. " Bret Harte, by the way, is not usual ly regarded as a professional wit, and yet among the good things which cling to one's memory is the couplet in the "Heathen Chiuee:" Concealed in his nails, which were taper. What ia common in tapers that's wax. ,nlndv luis written a parody in which a candidate for examination even beats the record of the Mongolian . Concealed in hia palms, which were spacious. tn,t ia common in paima-and that's dates. Speaking of palms recalls the famous pun of the bishop of Oxford, who, when asked by a. lady why he was nicknamed Soapy Sam. replied. "Because, madam, I am alwaya getting into hot water and -1 ..... .a mnimir nut with clean hands. Perhaps it may be said that some of these examples are not true puna. But a pun ia not necessarily a twisting of spelling and a contortion or synuotco, as thewriteraof burlesque and"comio" tr. think. It ia play upon worda, and to be really entitled to be considered witty should play both upon the sound ud the sense, if possible. Philadelphia Press. THE THREE GREATEST ACTRESSES. IVraharilt, Mn.IJm.ka and Doaa RI4 to Hava N l.llng Klvala. There nre perhapa only three Jiving aetreaM now in active life to whom the title "great" would be applied by com mon eonaeiit. Theae are tiarah Bernhardt, Helena Modjeska and Eleoiwra) Duae. Januust'hck, ahta! although atill upon the atage, belong to the past, while El leu Terry, with all her dainty akill and radiant charm, haa not yet reached those lieighta to which goniua aloue can as pire. Kaeh of thorn excel in waya pe culiar to herself. Bernhardt, after carrying off all the laurel offered in the artificial and de clamatory school of French tragedy, baa ilevoled her mutiirest power to the il lustration of the most violent passion lotioeivahlo by morbid imagination. Her achievement in thia direction have been extraonlinury, and her dramatic geniu cannot be disputed, but aome of her lat est triumpha have been won in dofiance of moat nf tho lawa of nature and many of the rule of true art. Modjoka, if lea potent In the inter pretation of the fiercest emotion than her French rival, need fear no compari son with her iu poetic tragedy, while in the Held of poetic comedy she ia un rivaled. Her jairformancea of Juliet, Rosalind and Ophelia are almost ideal ly beautiful. ' Elnonora Dnse, whose fame has blazed up with meteoric suddenness, ia pre eminent alxive ull actressee of her time for versatility, that rare gift of imper aonatiou, still rarer among women than among men, which can conceal the real beneath the assumed identity without resorting to the common expedients of theatrical disguise. The phrase that such or such a part was assumed by thia or that actor is heard every day. It is a convenient, conventional and meaning less exprewion In the case of Dnse it ia used correctly and signifies just what haa happened. "Eleouora Dnse," by J. Ranken Towse, in Century. ENGLISH AND ZULUS. Tolktnl Say Tbey Ara tha Twa Most Ilrutal Nations. Count Count Tolstoi says the English and Zulu should both be bracketed together aa the two most brutal nations on earth. Both worship their muscle, and while the Zulus go about naked all day long, English women strip themselvea hulf naked before they dine. The count wishes he bad time to writ a book abouj them and their brutality. Apropos, aome oue haa found time to write a book about the count, and it promises revelations. This person is a, lady who lived for ten years as govern ess in the Tolstoi family. The following story is told about the pretended vegetarianism: "The old count always demanded that vegetarian dishes should be brought to the table for him. while his wife and the rest of the family ate beefsteaks and other flesn "It often happened that the countesa would put a little chicken on her hus band's plate, but he, with indignant looks, would push it back, murmuring : No, I will not eat meat Absolutely, I will not. ' But I have often surprised him going to the sideboard for a piece of roast beef which the evening before be had solemn ly refused at tabla The carnivo rous instinct having been awakened, the enormous piece of meat would be swal lowed in one bite by this apostle of veg etarianum. "New York World Letter. The Diplomatic Clerk. "Henry, you haven't a room left, have you?" inquired & New York drum mer of his friend of many years' stand ing on the other side of the counter. "Standing" is used advisedly. "Not one," replied Henry, "but I 11 look over the rack again and see if I can't find you a place somewhere. " "All right," said the .New Yorker while his friend gave the slips his anx ious attention. Light broke over hia face in a moment, and he came back. "A man up on the parlor floor gave up his room about an hour ago, but he didn t expect to leave ii quno u I'll send up and see if I can't hurry him a little." The porter'a bell was rung, a wnis took rtlace between Henry and that blue shirted functionary, ana in 15 minutes the man from the seaport of which Chicago makes auch frequent use was rejoicing in one or me uk. rooms in the house. But the clerk omitted to inform him that the previous occupant had given uo his room at me prwico ""j. when he had given up ms uio.-., tional Hotel Reporter. An Archbishop's Absentmindedneas. A correspondent writes: "The stories of absentmindedness might be supple mented by the following instance in the life of Archbishop Trench: Dining at home one evening he found fault with the flavor of the soup. Next evening he dined out at a large dinner party. For getting for the moment that he was not in his own house, but a guest, he ob served across the table to Mrs. Trench. This sonp is, my dear, again a fail nxe. "Westminster Gazette, How Icelanders Take Snuff. A peculiarity concerning the use of snuff in Iceland may be of interest. The snuff is made into bars after the manner of plug tobacco, and is sold iu that shape to the natives, nearly all of whom are addicted to its use and prefer it thus prepared. The Icelander allows the nail on the right hand thumb to grow loui? for the purpose, and when using the snuff scratches it off the bar with this nail on the back of the left hand and applies it to the nose. Anxious to Comply. Professor (to student) You should have written on this aubject, air, so that .u. lunnrant of vow audience could understand 11 that you have to nay on the aubject Student What part of my production ia not clear to you, air? Boston Com mercial Bulletin. iV" Providence Viaitor. carry a ineaaage