vmimr
PAGE FOUR
Fooling the
War and Rumors of War Within the Human Body are Daily
Incidents How we Deceive our Best Friends
"T TT TE ARE prone to deceive our
I frieuds and tho rhagoeytoa
V V re no exception. Tho 1'ha
goeytea are our best and
most intimate friends and yet we take
no thought ior their perennial willing
news to fight for us our battles aud
every chance we get to fool them wo
accept with unfailing euthusiasm. Tho
Phagocytes are the police of the body,
always ready to club some offending
bacillus over the head aud run him into
the lockup. Tho Phagocytes are tho
standing army of the body, ouly they
do not stand still long at a time, so
busy are they in putting down insur
rections on the part of germs thought
thoroughly naturalized or iu repelling
invasions on the part of alien microbes.
Let something go wrong aud the Pha
gocytes are there iu a jiffy, foot, horse
and dragoons, putting up a fight that
makes the heroic memory of the Tro
jans palo into cowardly insignificance.
Every day tho Phagocytes have their
rounds to make and their fights to
fight, brief, hand to-hand and eye-to-eye
encounters with hostile bacilli, and
sometimes there are general alarms and
fierce, long conflicts with a determined
enemy. That's wheu we start iu fool
ing the Phagocytes.
Let us say that we have a cold iu
the head. A lot of hostile bacilli aro
encamped in the sensitive membranes
up there, having the unlawful time of
their lives, rioting joyously in the mis
ery they are dealing to us. But, they
have forgotten in their unholy mirth
the army of the Phagocytes. These in
trepid organisms need no formal call
to battle, no definite declaration of
war, no official proclamation before
they cross the border into the territory
of the enemy. I'pstairs they rush, all
hands to breakfast!
Soon, there is a fight in progress.
No, not "soon," but immediately. The
bacilli of the cold, base despoilers that
they are, grapple with the Phagocytes.
Why shouldn't theyf Even a rat will
fight, once he's cornered. The little
devils of the cold must fight or be de
stroyed. So, there is a battle that is a
battle and the arena which we are
rings and resounds and has trouble
a-plenty with consonants and vowels.
Then, when the ravages of war become
too much to bear, we start in to fool
the Phagocytes.
You see, we know that the Phago
cytes are in the blood and blood is
what we do not want up there in the
war district. Bather, we would starve
out the enemy. We prefer to wage a
Fabian campaign, to make cunctatory
war. But the Phagocytes first-class
fighting men, they cannot understand
military delay of any sort. They en
joy Light-Brigade charges, forlorn
hopes, dashing maneuvers, but the prin
ciples of scientific warfare are to thein
a closed book. No, there's no use in
reasoning with the Phagocytes. ' There
they are, in deadly embrace with the
bacilli of the cold, knee-deep in gore
and impregnated with the lust of
slaughter. They wouldn 't come down
and quit any more than a bulldog will
let go as long aye, and longer as he
can know and feel anything. The Pha
gocytes are enlisted for the war; they
intend to fight it out on this line if it
takes all summer.
So, we, for whom the Phagocytes are
doing yoeman service, fool them. We
put on our other end a mustard plas
ter. We put the counter-irritant on
the calves of our legs and we put our
feet in mustard water, sizzling hot.
Ouch!
This false alarm is soon received by
the Phagocytes, engaged in unrelent
ing, savage, quarterless war 'way up
. there above the equator. One can
imagine the little soldiers taking coun
sel among themselves:
"Yes, we have a very fine scrap on
our hands here right now and it's get
ting better all the time, but there must
be something fierce coming off down
toward the south. At that, we'll have
For Sale or Trade
on Terms to Suit
One of the most profitable, full bearing
apple orchards in the Hood River district.
Owner not practical farmer; anxious to dis
pose; price reasonable; terms to suit; sale or
trade. Property includes 6 acres 17-year-old
trees; 8 acres 8-year-old trees; 16 acres 7-year-old
trees: 6 acres pasture; 20-inch water right:
6 room house, barn, apple house, span of
mules; one 3-year-old mare; one Jersey cow;
100 chickens; wagon, hack, buggy, easoline
sprayer and inumerable farm implements.
Also 21 shares of stock in Hood River Apple
Growers Union.
Write immediately for terms and particu
lars. This is absolutely a snap and a money
making proposition.
HARRYJMcALUSTERT '
Clamber of Commerce Bktg. Portland, Oregon
The Bread
SAY THlM,OUJ? (7V V (
Phagocytes
these follows too dead to skin in two
or three more battles, and it iniglft bo
worth while to go below aud see what's
doing. We can come back any time
and polish off this gang hero."
So, off rush the Phagocytes, still
spoiling for a fight, happy-go-lucky
little warriors. They roach the hot re
gion and they gird up their loins, hitch
their breeches, spit on their hands or
do whatever a Phagocyte does when ho
prepares for tho lists. Then they start
to wado in. Imagine their blank
ama.ement when they find that there
is nothing into which they can wado,
no foe to fight, no drunk and disor
derly bacilli to rim in, no anarchistic
demonstration to disperse. Nothing to
do at all and a fine chance to fight
passed up. So, the Phagocytes stand
around with their hands in their pock
ets for a while nnd send out scouting
expeditions. Still, they find nothing
and they start back to the battlefield
they've left so recently, only to find
all the enemy dead and littering the
field. So, we reckon, the Phagocytes
swallow their disappointment some
how, cord up the deceased and start out
on a humdrum existence of peace.
That, friends, is what we call fooling
the Phagocytes.
There is something human about this
business of making false alarms for
the Phagocytes to answer. A good
many of us spend part of our time
fighting for folks who don't appreciate
the sacrifices we mako or the lovo wp
bring to them. We are all of us, if
our hearts are clean, of the spirit of
Don Quixote, after all is said and done.
We are like the Phagocytes, useful usu
ally and sometimes foolish and in the
way. When we are in the way well,
then there is some sort of a mustard ap
plication to call us to other scenes.
There are many human Phagocytes and
everv dav these are being fooled.
Surveying the Congo
The use of modern methods for lay
ing out frontier lines in the colon
ies is well brought out in the work
which is being done in the Congo
region. According to a recent treaty,
France ceded a certain amount of ter
ritory in Africa to Germany in ex
change for concessions in Morocco,
so that this led to expeditions on
the part of both countries in order to
fix the boundary lines. Captain Peri
quet states that wireless telegraphy
will be used for the first time on a
large scale so as to determine lati
tudes exactly. Wireless stations now
exist in the French possessions, also
in Cameroon and Belgian Congo, and
all these are to be utilized by the
expeditions. They will carry im
proved kites for mounting the an
tennae wires, also the necessary wire
less posts. For taking the latitude
they use prism astrolabes which give
very close results. These measure
ments will be combined with plans
drawn up on the spot by the alibade,
this latter being used especially for
the important points. Once in pos
session of the data, they will draw
up a map of the frontier region on as
large a scale as possible. Other sci
entific work will be done at the same
time, which is likely to be valuable,
such as hydrography, orography, ques
tions of population, botanical and eth
nological research, terrestrial magne
tism and the like.
Land
Opportunity
$1.50 an acre per month buys
10-acre farm, that will make
you independent for life.
Located in Moses Lake Valley,
east of famous Wenatchee
district.
For illustrated booklet, address
HALLETT BROS.
Dept. M lOSPikeSt.
SEATTLE, WASH. I
and Butter Question: Thick and Thin
Hidden Lake
Is Big Boon
Discovery of Water Underground
in Washington County Great
Benefit to Whole District
THE discovery of what appears
to bo an immense underground
lake, underlying the entire ceu
tral portion of Orant County,
Wash., is responsible for tho printout
activity in -.the Moses Lako district,
regarding which mention was made in
these columns last week. Laud that
was once considered practically worth
less, because of the lack of water, is
now being reclaimed by the use of
pumping plants, which furnish uu eco
nomical moans of supplying water for
irrigation Irom a source which scorns
to be inexhaustible. Tho result is tint
barren wuxtes of volcanic ash ami
sagebrush are giving way to thriving
orchards, aud alfalfa and garden
fields of prolific production. Tho soil
is remarkably fertile and produces
heavily wheu the science of irrigatiou
is applied.
The underground lake which has been
the means of this remarkable change
is located iu an ancient course of the
Columbia River. The Columbia him
performed some strange feats in her
day, and this is one of the strangest of
them all. The lake is several miles
in extent aud crops out in various,
places throughout Grant County. These
visible portions of this immense body of
water are known as Moses Lake, lirook
Lake, Round Lako, Black Rock Lakes
and Willow Lakes, and they form the
outer rim of an area about 40 miles
long and 20 miles wide.
One settler who lives in the inter
vening country carried his water in
barrels for three years, hauling thorn a
distance of 16 miles. He never thought
of digging a well because the country
looked so much like a desert that he
never dreamed of finding such a thing
as water beneath the surface. But on-J
day he was induced to dig a well, and
he struck an abundant supply of water
nt 40 feet. This caused a furore. One
settler alter another begin sinking a
well, and every time that this was
done water was encountered. The re
sult is that today the entire country
is dotted with wells, and many pump
ing plants have been installed, irrigat
ing from 10 to 4,000 acres'each.
Discovery of water caused a rush,
and practically all available land has
been taken up under the homestead of
desert act. Much of this land is now
being placed on the market by com
panies that have become heavily in
terested in the district, and the coun
try is being rapidly developed. Wen
atchee capitalists have invested $4,000,
000 in the Moses Lake country and are
now improving their land by setting it
out to commercial orchards. The or
chards that have already been Jovel-.
oped in the Moses Lake district yield
as heavily as those of Wenatchee, it
is said, and the fruit produced is
shipped through the Wenatchee Fruit
Growers Association.
One company, Ilallett Bros., main
taining offices at 106 Pike St., Seattle,
has recently published a handsome
booklet descriptive of the district, and
the Great Northern Railroad is also
sending out considerable information
regarding it.
Looking It Over
HIRAM MAXIM, the man who
invented an instrument that
makes the discharge of fire
arms practically inaudible, has
announced that he has a machine with
which he expects to make cities noise
less. "The device will shed silence as
a lamp sheds light," he is quoted as
having said. It is stated that the
Maxim silencer can be placed between
the source of noise and the persons af
fected by it and absorb all racket.
People who like to sleep late of morn
ings may buy one of Maxim's inven
tions and put it in their windows, thus
defying the nfilk man and the early
street cars.
Hollow Horn Bear of South Dakota,
an Indian chief, wants to present
Woodrow Wilson with a peace pipe on
the day of his inauguration, as a fea
ture of that ceremonial occasion. If
the president-elect will allow Hollow
Horn Bear to present the pipe, a dele
gation of chieftains will journey to
Washington and will invest the giving
with tribal ceremony.
President Taft believes that public
WELL GO DOWN
TO ITcE SMITHS
FOOP FACTORY
AND BET HIM
Four Dollars
that we can
EAT SIXTEEN
Pound op
SJRLOIN STEAK
speakers should know the lliblo. i He
hiivs that men who sneak with telliuu
foroo aro those ' ' who are ablo to give
illustrations irom noiy writ, who are
familiar with tho stories of Holy Writ
and who can tell them to their nudi-
OIH'OS. ' '
lu Chicago tlu'eo poHvomuu attempted
to break up a ball to which they had
boon denied admittance. Tho officers,
with half a doxen oiti.ens whom they
enlisted iu their cause, were ejected
from the hall with much damage, aftor
a riot in which shots were fired by the
bluecoats. Tho officers lost their
stars, also.
Here's a fine case of freak legisla
tion and it isn't from Oklahomu, cithers
A bill has been introduced iu tho Mis
souri legislature prohibiting women
wearing dresses that button up tho
luuli, unless the buttons be as largo as
silver dollars. The bill provides a fine
of front $1 to $3, with a fine for per
sistcut offenders.
.
The congregation of a church ou
Long Island is engaged in a war of
words concerning the pronunciation of
"Jerusalem." A young lady soloist,
singing "The Holy City," made it
"Jcr u-see-lum. ' Rev. Charles E.
Grogg was shocked at this. Straight
way, ho wrote a letter to tho singer,
upbraiding her for her pronunciation.
Ho declared that the syllable "sa"
should be pronounced "sor" or "sar. "
The congregation took tip the question.
Dictionaries helped little and it's be
ing fought out yet.
0
In 8wit.:erland a village has gono on
THROUGH THE
We want you and each member of your
family to drink a cup of the Best Coffee ever roasted
since the Arabians discovered this King of
food beverages
The most expensive modern roasters operated by skilled coffee experts are preparing in
Portland a coffee that should be on your table.
The goodness, the rich aroma of the beat berries, is kept in the roasted grain. By a process
that has been perfected recently, it ii possible to serve in the cup the stimulating coffee essence
that Nature planned for the benefit of man.
The coffee berry is ground, but still retains the strength that makes it the cheering,
stimulating cup that quicksteps a man toward his daily duties in the morning and brings
comfort to his after-dinner rest.
We know that you are anxious to know the name of this Coffee
Write your name on the coupon in the corner, and mail it right now before you forget it.
Fill in the number of persons in your family, and by return mail we will send you, postpaid,
without any expense to yourself, a cup of coffee for each and every one of you.
a
a
o
S3
O
m3
c
a
CO
GENTLEMEN :
Kindly mail me
FREE of CHARGE
and poit-paid a cup of
Coffee for a family of
persona
Name.
Address
i : limn. ni" "-: 2C : x i
1y SAY, SMITH. THIN-AND ; (
iffY 1 I WILL &ET YOU S.
J2rf FOUR DOLLARS THAT )
, u .
a strike, Tho entire towu is interested,
liideminl Is on strike against tho fed
oral government. For several years
tho inhabitants have boon petitioning
for a road through tho mountains to
tho nearest tfwiss towns, so that It
would not be necessary, as nt prosmit,
to cross the frontier into Italy for pro
visions. A eumpuigu of passive ro
sistanco was inaugurated to omphnsir.0
tho grievances of tho village. Tho
town officials have resigned ami there
is uone to enforce tho laws or to col
lect taxes. No one will become a can
didato for office.,
The legislature of Nevada has put
the Reno divorce market out of busi
ness, practically. Tho .assembly of
law-makers has passed an amendment
to tho divorce laws making one year's
residence iu tho state compulsory upon
persons wishing to obtain divorces, in
stead of six mouths, the law's present
requirement. Business men of Reno
objected to tho amendment ami main
tained a lobby tg work against it.
Patrolman llolcomb, of San Diego,
may lose an arm, as the result of bo
iug bitten by girl. He arrested her on
n charge of disorderly conduct and sho
lut his hand. He paid no attention to
the wound, which has become infected.
California may have one of the most
severe "gnu carrying" laws in the
country, if tho bill introduced by As
semblyman Ambrose of Los Angeles be
comes a law, He would make the car
rying of a concealed pistol a felony, as
well as tho carrying of a black jack,
billy or a pair of brass Knuckles. Tho
carrying of any other sort of weapon,
0 0 0
O O o
Of course we will also send you the name of the coffee.
If you want to tickle your palate and make your stomach
happy, fill out the coupon at once and send to
Straight Results, Coffee Dept.
Inter-State Publishing Co.
A
Don't Win
voucoulod, is also a felony, Thu carry'
lug of any firearm, such as u shotgun
or a rifle, iu any public place by any
person not a citizen of the United
states Is also made a felony,
To " Riibo" Murqmird, famous pitcher
for Now York ' team lu tint National
League, canto a most humiliating ex
perience lu Spokane the other day.
Marquard, who Is traveling about the
country doing a vaudeville turn, es
sayed to catch a baseball thrown from ,
the Old National Hunk building. A
great crowd watched him and laughed
as he mlssod two balls, Milrquttrd,
made peevish, offered $50 to anybody
In tho throng who could do the trick.
His offer was accepted by W. K. Crow
foot, a photographer, who caught tho
first bull thrown. Marquard niado
good his promise and disappeared, fol
lowed by tho hoots of the crowd.
It is now considered certain that
Oregon will not have a "Blue Sunday"
law. A bill proposing to close on the
seventh day all amusements, such as
theaters and baseball parks, has been
killed by the state legislature.
John A. Hogg, of Vancouver, Wash.,
braced himself with a poker, which
hs rested agninst a rook stove, while
he turned on an electric light. His
hand was sovcroly burned by the cloe
trie current. He was held a prlsonor
a moment, but broke tho connection
by throwing his whole weight onto
the light fixture.
Massachusetts socialists defend the
red flag, their party's emblem, by
saying that it is the "flag of hu
manity nnd -the flag of peace."
0 0 0
o o o
HAIL!
CD
CD
CD
CD
CD
Failing Building
PORTLAND, OREGON
a Meal
By
EVANSON
ALL RIGHT
WHERE IS Yo OSZ
FOUR DOLLARS?