HAS NO REAL PLACE
SOIL FERTILITY
IS
United States Agricultural Expert
Predicts Exhaustion of Farm Land
of Wastern Pralrlts.
Odd News From Big Cities
SINCERITY NOT WANTED IN THE
WORLD’S AFFAIRS.
Wan Who Set Out to Be Abeolutely
Truthful In All Things Announces
Th T He Quickly Discov
ered the Fact.
"1 will be sincere," I said to myself.
"No matter what It costs me, I will
say exactly what I think at all times
and all places. I will have nothing
to do with shams and pretenses and
conventions."
So I went out and
tried 1L
"T o the first man I met I stated my
position and my Intention of speaking
my mind. The> man grasped me by
the band as though I was his long-lost
brother.
"You are the man for m e!" he de
clared. "I'm sick of the conventional
buinbug of the world.
We will be
friends, you and I, and we will always
say exactly what we mean to each
other, and tell each other our real
opinions."
"W e will," said I, “ and as a start,
1 should like to say that the color of
that tie you have on does not suit you
at all. A man with your complexion
should never wear a red tie." But my
new-found friend was a Socialist, and
he felt as though he was saying his
creed every time he caught sight of
bis red tie In a shop window, so, after
t slight argument, he remembered a
previous engagement and vanished.
1 was somewhat puzzled, but wept
on my way, and presently met a nice,
pretty girl, and to her I unfolded my
philosophy.
“ I'm awfully glad you've told me,”
she said. 'T get so tired of all the
silly things people say to one, and I
have so often longed for a friend who
would tell me what he really thought
of me. You will, won't you?"
“ I will," I promised.
“ I'll begin
now. You say you get tired of people
who say silly things to you. but really
you like them "
But It happened that she was a girl
who prided herself on being sincere,
who explained to herself many times
dally that she only did conventional
things because “ one had to," and so
she was not at all pleased. She told
me In tones of perfect politeness that
I was quite mistaken, and went off
to talk to another man who told her
what a relief it was to meet some
one who was not afraid of calling a
spade a spade.
But at last I found an old lady, a
beautiful old lady, who was not In the
least ashamed of being old and look
ing old. To her I made, as In duty
tiound, my declaration of absolute and
-uncompromising truthfulness, but In
stead of composing odes In my honor
she sat up and shook her finger at
me.
“ Now, now !" she said. "That won't
do with me, young man. All the men
who want to pay the most outrageous
compliments begin like that, and I’ve
heard too many of them.” And the
more I protested my complete slncere-
tty, the less she would believe me.
So what was I to do? T o try to be
sincere with myself was about the
only thing left. After a few more ex
periences of the same sort, which
invariably brought the same results,
I decided that real sincerity didn’t
occupy a very permanent place In this
world's affairs.
Trade Follows the Doctor,
At nine o'clock the stranger In the
neighborhood saw a grocery wagon
standing In front of the doctor’s house
down the street. At ten o’clock an
other wagon stood there, and at 11
o'clock still another.
“ The doctor's family must be big
eaters If It takes so many grocers to
supply their wants," she said to the
janitor.
"Oh, they are not all delivering stuff
at the doctor's house," said he. "They
are only stopping there as an adver
tlsement."
"Every grocer, butcher, baker and
dairyman In the neighborhood hitches
hts wagon In front of the doctor’s
house
and carries the things from
there the rest of the way. It pays to
make folks think they have the doc
tor's trade.
“ Many people who have Just moved
Into a neighborhood never make up
their minds who to deal with until
they find out where the doctor trades.
He Is supposed to buy only the best
foods and the newcomers feel safe In
trading where he does."
The agricultural department at
Washington is concerned about the ex
Storie* o f Strange Happening* in the
haustion of the soil of the United
Metropolitan Town*
States. On the prairies of the west
fertility is beginning to wane.
In
many of the older communities fertil
ity has been reduced below the point
of profitable production. How to store
and maintain productivity of soil is a
most important phase of the conserva
not flaunting the habit In the face* of
tion problem.
^NOTHING LIKE A
a conservative public, "make no
These observations are set forth in GOOD C U T A R tm
bones" of the matter and readily ad
a farmers' bulletin prepared by W. J I TO QUIET THF
mit that they smoke.
Spillman, agriculturist in charge of j V^NEWVEJ
the office of farm management of the j
Another set about town among
whom smoking Is Indulged In freely
agricultural department. Mr. Spillman
says that in order that the prairie
Include* the artistic and musical
coteries.
Among them there ls al
country may not follow the descent
U
111 C east
CdOl a
u u
B t lU L il It 1.
IO necea.ary
u c v -v C O », j
1 T IM O R F
of l the
and
south
^ \ \LTIMORE.
M d .-T h at there I. a ways a more or less foreign element
that Intelligent and vigorous effort be K
‘
1
and Continental Ideas generally find
. . .
i
large anu
and • ever-increasing number
favor.
made to farm correctly.
. , .
. . . ._____,___! of women smokers In Baltimore was
Several well-known women physi
en ng o an on s or
the opinion expressed by several prom
the purpose of growing grain for the||nenf
' women ^
cians were asked about their observa
Inent physicians and
market Is one of the surest means of
tions on the subject and, with one ac
selves.
reducing the productive power of the
cord, they replied that the habit was
Most of the physicians were unhesi
•oil. Well managed pastures and ra
general among society women only.
tional systems of crop rotation are nec tating In their disapproval of the habit
“ It ls a conspicuous fact," said ons,
essary to the development of perma Dr. William H. Pearce said:
“ that few women students of colleges
"I consider It bad for anyone to or universities smoke. I have never
nent systems of profitable farming
Land owners must realize this, and smoke, but It Is worse for women than known of a woman teacher who did.”
must take steps to Improve renting for men. It lowers the moral tone
Another woman physician said she
methods by stocking tbelr farms with eventually and has absolutely noth did not consider It had ever been con
a full complement of domestic animals, ing to recommend It In any way.”
clusively proved that smoking In mod
When asked If many of his women eration was harmful, but that she
In case the renter Is not able to do
this for himself, and by giving longer patients were smokers he declared thought both men and women were
leases whereby the renter may reap that he did not know.
none the better for It
the reward of Intelligent management.
“ It’s not the kind of habit to de
A well-known suffragist was asked
In view of the soil waste that has mand treatment," he aald, "and as a whether a desire to vole on a wom
occurred, Mr. Spillman asserts. It Is matter of fact I know positively of an's part went with the habit of ciga
not surprising that values of farm only two of my women patients who rette smoking.
She was Indignant
products have risen to a marked de j make a practise of smoking.”
and declared “ very few Baltimore suf
gree In the last few years.
} The greater number of women fragists smoke, and, anyhow, those
------------------------
smokers In Baltimore are to be found who do did It before they became
POTATO BUGS ARE AT WORK. among the “ fashionables”— the society suffragists."
______
i set, and with them the cigarette habit
A well-known physician living on
War Must Be Commenced Early and ls 8aid ,0 be general. At some enter- Charles street said that while smoking
talnments given only for women the might not hurt the woman, he con
Continued With Vigilance— Paris
entire party will take cigarettes as sldared It a horrid habit and no woman
Green Recommended.
naturally as their husbands and broth was "klssable" who smoked He was
Potato bugs are at work. They are ers would do. They have their own certain that he would not permit any
an enemy to be poisoned by the pota cigarette cases and match boxes, and of his family to Indulge in It for a
to grower. War must be commenced their own favorite brands, and, while minute.
early and continued with vigilance.
Paris green Is the most highly recom
mended. It may be used as a spray,
with a sprinkler, mixed with air slaked
Only enough will be printed to fill ad
lime, flour, or fine, dry road dust, sifted
vance orders. The price ls only one
over the potato plants when covered
dollar. Send cash with order."
with dew or rain. In any form of ap
Have you noticed Kelly since he got
plication at least one pound of Paris
the word from Philadelphia? He holds
green should be used per acre, but
his head higher than usual and he will
when the plants are large a greater
hardly bow to the Gradys and the
amount may be required. The Minne
Kelllys.
sota Experiment station prefers to use
“ What's come over Kelly?" ls the
HICAGO.— Several hundred Chicago
Paris green mixed Into a thin paste
Kellys have received letters re question bis neighbors are asking.
with water and then stirred in the
larger volume of water to be used In cently Informing them that they are When a Kelly meets a Kelly they
a sprayer. Very good results, however, descendants of ancient Irish kings, and shake hands cordially and the conver
have been obtained by the use of a for the modest sum of one dollar they sation Is about tbelr ancestral coat of
common sprinkler. Where the crop Is will he sent the famous Kelly coat of arms.
"I always knew that Kelly was one
large and it ls possible to procure one, arms.
The letters are sent out by a Phila of the best names In Ireland,"' said
a power sprayer Is advised and re
garded as almost Indispensable. Milk delphia concern that makes a business Edward T. Kelly, president of the E.
of lime, made by slaking two pounds of looking up “ family trees,” and the T. Kelly company, publishers, "but I
of stone lime In water to each pound Kellys all over the United States are didn't know we were descendants of
kings until I got the letter from a
of Paris green, should be carefully receiving the glad news.
The “ discovery" that Kelly was 'family tree’ concern the other day.
strained Into the poisonous mixture to
prevent burning of the plants. Arsen once a king of Ireland was made by a More than fifty men of my name have
ate of lead may be used as a potato representative of the Philadelphia con spoken to me about It, as they also
bug poison, but It ls more expenslvo cern "after years of research In the li received letters on the subject
“ There ls only one way to spell the
than Paris green. Paris green may braries of Dublin, Cork and Belfast."
be mixed with bordeaux mixture, when The ancestral coat of arms ls some name, and that ls K-e-double 1-y.
the mixture ls used as a disease de thing that every Kelly should have— Those who slip In the extra E between
stroyer. In this case no additional according to the letter—and as there L and Y are not the real Kellys, the
are only a few thousand left. It be descendants of Irish royalty.’’
lime need be added.
James W. Kelly, secretary
of
hooves Kelly to remit his one dollar
without delay.
Thomas Kelly & Bro., plumbers’ sup
The Colony House.
The letter In part ls as follows:
plies, said It was not news to him that
The permanent colony house ls not
Mr. Kelly— Dear Sir: W e have Just he was the lineal descendant of a king
as good as the portable. The portable
house Is usually built upon runners received from our agent In Dublin a of Ireland.
"Sure the Kellys are the greatest
similar to the common stone boat. In rare old engraving of the coat of arms
the spring and summer they are drawn ° f the Kel‘ y famllT W * are now Pr°- people In Ireland,” said he. “ There ls
upon the range, and In winter may b e jducln* thls for framing and printing a no name In Irish history that stands
brought up near the feed house and pamphlet, describing It and giving the out like Kelly. He can— like Kelly can.
arranged In rows, so It Is almost as lineal descent of the first Kelly from I don't want to speak disparagingly of
easy to care for the birds ss If they Heremon, first king of Ireland, and any Irish name, but Kelly beats them
were In a single continuous bouse. The through a long line ot Irish monarchs. all.”
Many Baltimore Women Start Smoking
KATE’S WHITE
ELEPHANT
As a remarkable variant from the
type to which be actually belonged,
David Mlnturn stood In refreshing
prominence. Tbe founder of the fam
ily bad secured millions by methods
which subjected blm to more or less
criticism In his generation, but which
would be regarded as highly conserva
tive at the present time.
The In
termediate Mlnturns bad revised the
methods to suit tbe times and had
added to the millions. To fulfill the
tradition, David should have been a
spendthrift.
He was not.
On the contrary, he
»a s about as satisfactory a specimen
of the congenially rich young man as
could be found anywhere, and even
those who were not friendly to the
class bad to admit 1L So far as be
class had to admit It.
Hut tbat very morning he bad begun
to wonder bow It was tbat he had
never asked Katherine
Sewell
to
marry him.
By a curious mental
twist, which he did not atteqipt to
analyze, bis failure to have done so
took tbe form of a sin of omission«
He even convinced himself tbat be
bad been guilty of tbe most gigantic
plunder of bis life.
The new-born
consciousness that for at least half
a dozen years be bad kept silent In
the almost dally presence of tbe most
charming woman In the world almost
overwhelmed him. Tbe idea was so
antagonistic to hts notion of tbe flt-
Tis the Kellys Who Are Proud Now
C
colony-house system ls In general use
In England, and Is practically the only
system employed, says a writer In
Baltimore American. These colony
houses have wheels at each corner and
no floors. I would advise those who
contemplate going Into the poultry
business, no matter on what scale, to
start with the colony system. It takes
little more work, but It ls best In
the end, and the chances of success
are much greater than where the other
plans are followed.
nay aDsurdlty were oeuer
than that be should think her willing
to rail Into bis arm* without even de
cent Investigation
"Oh. well— " she said, with the laet
heroic .effort to keep her voice steady,
"If you Insist, I will tall you! Get me
a white elephant."
He was equally determined to ao-
cept her conditions and to purge him
self ot hit sin of omission. The fact
tbat Katharine Sewell had taken ref
uge in absurdity was an actual relief.
He felt tbat he was getting off re
markably well under tbe
circum
stances.
‘A mere trifle," he said, moving off
with cheerful alacrity. "How much
time do you give me to go out to Asia
or Africa or wherever It Is to get
one ?”
"Oh—about a— a— week," sbe re
plied, wishing for nothing so much a*
to hare blm leave her to her own emo
tions.
"Gee! A week from today at 10
a. m." he said, as If It were tbe final
word In the most commonplace busi
ness agreement
Not until he reached borne did the
full extravagance of the proceeding
unfold Itself to his understanding.
What miracle had he elected to per
form? He knew perfectly well that
elephant or no elephant, Kate Sewell
was his but how should he manage
this one opportunity she had given
blm to show himself a man? He real
ized It was not a chance to become a
hero, but It was something The more
be thought of It tbe less trivial It
seemed.
White elephant, Indeed!
Halt an hour later be was sitting In
the private office of tbe Junior mem
ber of the firm of Stacy & Co., univer
sal providers. Tom Stacy had been
his class mate at college and they be
longed to the same fraternity.
Tom
was as genial as be was shrewd, and
David had always liked blm Im
mensely.
"I want to consult you on a matter
of business," Mlnturn said, after the
customary greetings.
"Command me." said Stacy, with his
best business manners.
" I believe you supply any demand,"
David observed, as an entering wedge.
"Universal providers," Tom admit
ted. with a large smile.
"Suppose one should ask for some
thing very unusual—something 1 might
say not to be found on the market?"
There was everything In Tom’s man
ner to Indicate that he regarded such
a condition of things as extremely Im
probable.
" I f we were asked to fur
nish any article whatever." he said,
with great dignity, "V e should feel
obliged to make good. Our claim to
be universal providers would demand
1L"
“ Do you happen to have such a
thing as a white elephant?”
Stacy saw In an Instant tbat his
friend was not guying blm, tbe discov
ery brought with It a temporary em
barrassment which was a decided
novelty In the young merchant's expe
rience.
“ 1 don’t believe we have the arti
cle— In stock,” be said, hesitatingly.
“ 1 must have a white elephant one
week from today—at ten o’clock In the
morning,” said David, with great dis
tinctness of utterance.
And then be
told Stacy all about It
Before he bad finished Tom's face
had grown radiant and be seemed to
have been made tbe happy lodging
place of a Joyous Inspiration. "Cheer
up, old fe llo w !" he cried, slapping
Mlnturn on the back with an energy
that was unmistakable. " It’s the dead
est, easiest cinch I've struck In an
age.
All you have to do ls to go
Into biding.
Let It be known that
you have gone for a week's outing,
and Stacy & Co. will do the rest. That
white elephant will make his appear
ance In front of the Sewell house at
the hour prescribed. Go away In per
fect peace.”
It seemed Incredible, but Mlnturn
knew bis man, and went bis way with
this assurance that be should not be
compelled to go back to Katharine
with a record of humiliating failure
to fulfill her condition, ridiculous
though It was.
As tbe clock was striking ten on
tbat absurdly specified day Katherine
Sewell looked out of her window and
saw. In front of her father's big old-
fashioned house, a strange sight Tbe
central figure of tbe exhibition waa a
little, dingy, Ivory-colored elephant, al
most concealed beneath his crimson
and gold trappings. On either side of
the grotesque little pachyderm, several
figures In the garb of Siamese priests,
were bending low In adoration, and
two or three others were beating vig
orously on native drums.
The street was fast becoming packed
with a crowd of delighted onlookers.
"This ls your white elephant, Kate,”
said Mlnturn. coming up behind her
and taking her hands.
"If you love me take It out of the
street," she said, without looking at
him.
"Easiest ever,” declared Stacy, after
wards. “I remembered that tbe animal
was expected dally by a firm of amuse
ment purveyors— customers of our—
and I met It at the steamer. It took a
thousand dollars, but Stacy & Co.
worked It.”
"And I've had it proved to me that I
was born under a lucky star," added
Mlnturn as he wrote a check.
iu s iu u
WANING.
Chicagoan to Start an Electric Farm
HICAGO.— The shades
of
Ben
Franklin and the near shades of
Thomas Edison are about to fall upon
the fertile fields of Lake county.
Thanks to the enterprise of Samuel In-
sull, who has several considerable
vegetable patches In the county ad
joining Cook, the garden fields are to
have an electric treatment.
Wben not working on bis turnip
patch, Mr. Insult ls president of ".he
Commonwealth Edison company. He
has also much to do with Lake county
electrical enterprises. They have elec
tricity to burn. This may have some
thing to do with the experiment In
gardening which the Insull friends,
C
The Modern Farmer.
The modern farmer Is working to
ward a well-defined purpose. His con
stant aim Is to do less work that re
quires muscle and brawn, but more
brain work. He purposes to purchase
machines that will do the drudgery
and Irksome tasks while he himself
Just Plain Arithmetic.
can find time to solve the problems of
Since they have been teaching alge farm management. A little headwork,
bra as well arithmetic In the public properly applied to the management
schools a certain small boy has been of a farm, will often turn loei Into
having a good deal of trouble.
profit.
He was poring over his books the
other night, with a deep frown on his
Food For Chicks.
forehead.
A handful of grain dug Into an an. aad th,e>’ are ,!e* 'on’ deClan? ^ eh
"What Is the trouble, Albert?” asked hill will bring the chickens to It. and
farmers have always been respectably
his father, going over to the table then good-by to the Insects.
i
conservative. You see, to the presl-
where the boy sat.
A plant of Swiss chard sown ad- .
„
,
,
.. .. . .
"It's an example In algebra, father. Joining the poultry yard will supply dant 0 aa elactrlc ^"»p a n y the light
I don’t know how to do It.”
green, all summer provided the fowls lag Juice Is cheaper than fertilizer.
Think what It means to Chicago
“ Let's see." Albert handed over the are not allowed to eat It more than an
diners If the Insull plan bears IrulL
book and pointed to the following hour a day.
Bill of fares will feature electric rad
query:
ishes, Incandescent onions, which may
If A does a certain piece of work
be odorless; pies from 10,000 candle
To Maintain Nitrogen.
In four days and B does It In 12 days,
how long will It take them both work
Nitrogen must be maintained by power pumpkins; kilo-watt potatoes
ing together?
legume crops, and the best legume for and alternating current cabbages.
In the wake of this eating may come
"What makes you think It's algebra, the corn belt ls clover. The clover
electrical sprees. The somber cltlien
eon?” asked the man after he had read
crop should be left on the ground. If
It
removed, not much. If any, nitrogen le
"It's got an A and a B In," returned
added to the soil. If the crop Is re
Albert, “ so I thought It must be."
When the boy heard that It was moved and fed to average live stock
"only arithmetic” he set to work at and the manure given average care
and hauled back to the field, the loss
once and had the answer In no time.
la nearly one-half of the plant food
and threefourths of the organic mat
Too Much for One Ear.
ME
ter. If a good crop of clover Is left
The young man had talked for te. on the ground once every three or four
lAMPJ,
or fifteen minutes without a break, years, only the seeds being removed.
when the girl at the other and of the It will supply sufficient nitrogen for
wire Interrupted.
quite large grain crops.
EW YORK.—Mrs. Nathan Jasper.
"Just a moment, Guy!” she said
wife of a contractor, saved her hus
"What Is It, Fled a?"
band from possible death at the hands
Milking.
" I want to change the receiver to
of * burglar recently by throwing
the other ear. This one’s tired.”—Chl-
Milking with wet hands Is a filthy
of v,
r ,nto th, burgllu- , eye.
'ago Tribune.
practise. The clean milker use. clean ^
bllndlng Mta.
hands and Is sure before he begins
Johnny’s Mistake.
The man went to Jasper and told
that the cow’s udder It clean and that
"W ell, dear, I suppose you have no falling dirt can get Into the milk him he was starving. His appearance
been wondering where I was?”
Using lard on th* hands to make milk bore out his story. Jasper gave him
"No, Johnny told me you were next Ing easy will aid In making bard milk- money for food, and told him he would
era. It will also help to keep the cow's put him to work. When th# Jaapera
loor listening to the muslo.”
"H e was mistaken; I was ftext door teat very tender. Dampening the teats were getting ready for bed they found
with milk also ha* th* asm* »B e s t
. th* man In * closet of their apart
Batoning to the phonogrft
after dining on an electrified potato
salad may glow like a lightning bug
and warble a few bars of "I Wonder
Who's Kissing Her Now." Each green
pea may contain an electric shock and
the result of eating a single portion
may be shocking. If this comes to
pass just blame Mr. Insull.
There are tbree kinds ot farming,
as you probably don't know, unless you
have had a fling at I t The first grade
Is the common or garden variety as
practised by our forbears. Then there
ls the up-to-date, rotatlon-ln-crops, ap
plied-chemistry brand
And another. Then there ls the ad
vanced school as practised by German
scientists. Secretary of Agriculture
Wilson and the aforesaid Mr. Insull.
This last ls guaranteed to grow rad
ishes with the scarlet coat of a British
grenadier and the rotundity of a brew
ery wagon driver.
Here Is the recipe for electrical veg
etable growing. Take one garden
plot and set up posts around It. String
wires across the patch at a height of
six feet. Turn on Commonwealth-Edt-
son or North Shore current for eight
hours a day Watch the vegetables
grow.
The electric current feeds Itself Into
the ground and the vegetables are
stimulated by tbe vibrations of the
current's alternations. Care must be
taken. It Is said, to observe union
hours— eight a day— or the result will W H ER E ‘COCKTAILS’ STARTED
be overstimulation.
Lake county
farmers will watch the result of the ex On* Story Is That Mexican Girl First
Prepared Drink for One of
periment with Interest
the Montexumas.
Throws Vinegar in a Burglar’s Eyes
W
]
wow
N
“ Thls la About My Bravest Deed."
ness of things tbat he seized bis bat
and stick and covered the two blocks
between his bouse and that of the Se
wells In an Incredibly short time. Half
an hour later be had done hts best to
repair bis sin of omission, and had
found himself Involved In a sea of
unexpected difficulties.
"It ls such a perfectly undreamed
of surprise,” she said, and her man
ner seemed to confirm the statement.
“ We have been acquainted so many
years that It ls very hard for me to
believe that— that It ls possible.”
It would have been an easy way,
perhaps a lover's way, to plead lack
of courage as an excuse for his si
lence, but he was too honest for that.
"I must have loved you all the
time," be said, "but I was too stupid
to discover It.
How could 1 have
helped It?” he asked, with an earn
estness that brought a flush to her
face.
"I suppose the possibility of—of my
Inability to do as you wish— never oc
curred to you. did It?" she stam
mered.
"No, It didn’t," he confessed, bluntly.
“ 1 don’t see how you could have
been so sure,” she said, with a little
laugh that was akin to a sob. Then
she made a brave effort to control her
self and went on slowly: "W hat will
you say when I tell you that I made
up my mind long ago never to marry
a man who had not done something
very difficult of achievement? Have
you ever done anything noteworthy?”
"This ls about my bravest deed,"
he admitted, gravely. "There isn’t a
great deal left for me to do.
The
north pole ls discovered and the
south pole will be before 1 could get
there.”
•Please don’t make fun of me.
I
know It Is only a left-over whom of my
sentimental days, but I really mean
It,” she said.
"Do you mean It now?” be demand
ed brusquely, looking her full In tbe
eyes.
"Oh, 1 suppose I do,” she returned,
rather confusedly.
“ The nail you have to do ls to tell
me wnat it shall be,” he declared,
rising With a display of energy that
was new to him. "Out with It! Don’t
spare me. I deserve It all, and more,
too."
Bhe knew that she had not succeed
ed In her effort to convince him that
she was really uncertain of her own
feeling for him. and the knowledge
was so disquieting tbat she was led
into further extravagances by her con-
ment. unconscious. The closet had a
spring lock on the outside and the
man had been shut In. He was almost
suffocated. Mrs. Jasper got some vine
gar. which her husband used as a re
storative. and succeeded In bringing
the man to bis senses.
As soon as the man became con
scious he attacked Jasper. The con
tractor was no match for him, and
was being choked Into unconscious
ness when Mrs. Jasper hurled the
vinegar into the man'* face. Howling
with pain, he freed Jasper. Mrs Jas
per sprang at him, and the and her
husband managed to hold him until •
policeman came and took him to JalL
Jasper says the man he had be
friended was a former employe whom
he had discharged on account of his
habits. Ha says the man etole bt*
Jewelry before hiding In tbe closet
REPARTEE ENDS IN DISASTER
PfweH Young Man In Quick Lunch
Room It Unaxpactadly Show-
trad With Oatmaal.
The young man with the Iron cheek
entered the quick lunch room and
seated himself at the third table.
"Belinda." he called familiarly, "you
look fresh this morning."
"N ot half as fresh as some others.”
retorted the pretty waitress with an
elsvatlon of her nose.
"W ell! W ell! Have y o u calf brain»?”
" If 1 did you wouldn't order them,
for you have an overeupply now "
"My. but you are getting good for
the matinee. With the high price of
meats, eggs come In handy these days,
don't they?"
“No; they come In crates.”
"W ow ! Did you ever hear the story
of th# Incubator chick? It's not out
yet?"
“ That will do, eonny. Did you ever
hear the etory of the cold porridge?
Well. It's on you!”
There was an unexpected tilting of
a dish and th# young man with the
Iron cheek was showered with oat
meal.
__________________
Red, W e a k . W e a ry . W a te r y E r «
R e lie v e d B y M u rin e E y e K em ed y .
ir y
M u rin e F o r Y o u r E y e Trou b le*. Y o u W ill
1
lira
M u rin o
It
M i l O t l U ’ S.
50 C
New to the Business.
Mrs. Newed— I'd like a couple of
yards of steak, please.
Butcher— Pardon me, madam, but
since the first of tha month we have
been selling It only by the pound.
Whet kind of steak would you like?
Mrs. Newed— Rare steak, please. My
husband doesn’t like It well done.
u rea t
M im ic .
“ After all." said HI Tragedy, sol
emnly, "death U the star tragedian."
"I don't know," replied Lowe Com
edy; "I always think of him as a low
comedian— a mere mlmlo— because
he’s always taking some one off.”
Mother* win find Mrs. W m sloW e Soothing
Syrup th« best remedy to uee (of their chUdroa
during the teething period.
Sordid P h ilo so p h y .
Maude— Poor Joannettel Her mar
riage was a great disappointment to
her friends
Clara— Married beneath her socially,
I suppose?
Maude— Oh. no; but her friends all
predicted the alliance would turn out
unhappily, and tt dtdn’L
As Corrected.
"Young man," said the bome-grown
philosopher. “ It ls always best to be
gin at the beginning."
“ No, 11 you want to go up a river,
It lsn’L" answered the wise youth.
He Got Another Job.
"W e make It a rule here,” said the
warden to the new prisoner, “ to as
sign prisoners to the trades
with
which they are most familiar and will
make no exception In your case. What
is your occupation?"
"I'm an aeroplane chauffeur,” r»
plied the new boarder, as he grinned
a gruesome grin
CASTOR
IA
For Infant* and Children.
Tbe Kind You Have Always Bought
Signature o f
A m e n d in g
th e G «m i<
Laws .
A wild stab of sound made the help
less air waves shudder.
"Great guns, what’s that!” cried the
man across the way.
“ That,” replied his wife, “ is our
neighbor. Miss Screech, singing at the
open window.”
The man scowled darkly.
“There should be no open season
for windows In the Schreech family,’*
he
g r l ’U lv
d«” f , 1 »ro d
Insomnia
‘ *1 have been using Cascarete for In
somnia, with which I have been afflicted
for twenty years, and I can say that Cas
carete have given me more relief than any
other remedy I have ever tried. I shall
certainly recommend them to my friends
•• being all that they are represented.*'
Thos. Gillard, Elgin, 111.
Pleasant. Palatable. Potent. Taste Good.
Do Good. Never Sicken. Weaken or Grip«.
10c. ¿6c, 50c. Never sold in bulk. The gen
uine tablet stamped C C C. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back.
Tents, Awnings, Sails
Cols, Hammocks, Canvas and Covers
1 or 1.000 at factory prices.
PACIFIC TINT AND AWNING CO.
27 N.
First St., Portland, Or.
REDUCE THE COST OF LIVING
use CRESCENT
BAKING POWDER
25c. FULL POUND
ASTHMA AND HAY FEVER
•re quickly relieved by Wyatt's Asthma
Remedy. Guaranteed or money refund
ed.
Ask your druggist or send six
“Xochltl” was “ cocktail.”
Unfortunately for this tale, there cents postage for Free Sample to
J. C. WYATT, Druggist.
are those who claim that the original
W ASHINGTON
"cocktail" consisted of Holland gin, * VANCOUVER,
lump of sugar and a dash of bitters,
says the Philadelphia inquirer.
PACIFIC EMPLOYMENT CO.
But the traditions of our revolution
o f Portland, Oregon
ary war add still snore to the confu
FURNISHES HELP FREE
sion, for they are there to prove that
TO f MPIOYERS
"cocktail” (whatever Its composition
Main office, 12 North Second St. Main 5670 : A 1406
may have been) was one of the special Ladi«a Dept. 206V« Morrison St. Main 1062: A 2064
Phone or wire orders at our expense.
ties of "The Bracer Tavern" in New
York city; so that "cocktail" had been
known to a couple of generations of
U nion P a in le ss D en tists
Gothamites before tbe Mexican war.
On tbe other hand. If you are desir
ous of trustworthy Information and
turn to one dictionary all you will find
Is the disappointing statement that
cocktail la "chiefly United State* (a
slang name of which the real origin
appears to be lost).”
In part) of England beer that ls full
of life, fresh 'and foaming. Is dial— t- Tull Set of Teeth............................... .
Bridge Work or Teeth without Plates $3.50 to $5
tcally known as "cocktail beer.”
Many stories are afloat as to the ori
ginal of the word "cocktail." One of
them ls that once upon a time one of
the Montexumas who ruled over an
cient Mexico was affilcted with a des
perate fit of the blues, accompanied
with a devouring longing (or some
thing new In the way of a reviving
beverage, and the daughter of one of
his courtiers, named Xóchitl, conooct-
ed a drink for him of the essence of
the cactus plant and various other In
gredients with which he was so de
lighted that he married the girl and
forthwith bestowed her maiden name
on the new nectar she had Invented.
Centuries rolled by; the drink pre
served It* popularity, but It* name ap
Odd Crowns .............................f 3.50 to $5.00
parently degenerated to such an ex
Pcpcelain Crowna....................... $3.50 to $VOO
Gold or Porcelain Filling»................... $1.00 Up
Co ne tant Exercise.
tent that when. In A. D. 1S47, our sol
BHer FUHnar»............................... 50« to $1 Off
"How
did
ahe
strengthen
her
w—
k
dier* Invaded Mexico under Winfield
W Plate Made ...............................
No charpee for Painless E x tra cto r when other
lungs
T
”
Scott, the beat way they could English
¿ork la done. 16 yean ’ Guarantee with all work.
"By telling everybody about 'em.” ' l e u » l a a t o U a « 1 W MerrMaa Street.
what waa thorn left of th* Maxi— a