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About Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 12, 1904)
A OONU. IVIien pnllM Dnwn comes up llm nkr. Ami I My mill Night fur uioiiipiits brief Ii bunds mill lips, tlii- Wilkin Hen Ili'tlilnU her of Hiiiiin uiuHr-iit grief. Iliiitcnril nml wrinkled, gray nmt k r I in, Wic iiikii tlx tin' lun-ileu (if tier pure, I'lie ghost i T Hint wild HiIiik Hint li'iipi II)' day the wind's ll hi sport tu share. Ilclllte Ilia vnlres i,t tlio i,nil, Tossed in her lioiiiiilIrM chnrni-l raves Wluro iiiiu'h llrst ship Wits ilr.nvii tu I "ii tli. Haunt lifr iIkiu hrr heating whim. Or idso tlirre proMoi nil her heart The wnlidit uf liiiiiK'iiiorliil hk, llrfnru tlm him bring luii'k lo mind Hit youth's elernnl liiTltnKf. New Yurk '1'rilxiiic. I. IIH. ST. tlEOUGU sat nlnr. ti-ftirc her luw lire, In her own cosy slttlng-loum. Tu night, fur thi (I rut time In Iht two yesr of widowhood. .Mm. Hi i'orgu ilnlil down the wtluw'H flip which IiiiiI for wi lout; served tu con seal tlm thick iiiiliiirn braid (in arils tlciilly t'ol I I iiiiuiit tlui mini II ln.ui. Elghlecii years IiiiiI passed since Mil' ninl Lcunaid tlruviT Ii it it met. 't'tirj IiiiiI been lovers In Hint far off ll.ii1: tint lie trim piMir then, with nu whin iiit In tin. nlr if I hi. rich liiherllnnc- hi which In. afterward full lii-lr. lust too lulu for It tu bring happiness lu sillier. piw linn ninrrlnl very young.- Klio wns lint ilS now. Would Leonard llml her rhiingcd, ulii. wondered -lie whusu coining Hhu united hero to night Wmnltnneonsly with the thought rnino the kouihI uf carriage wheels mill horses' hoofs, on lliu graveled pntli. alio stnrteil lo her feet, pressing tiotli haiiili upon her fiist-bcntlng heart. Mini win Bind o!i. no Kind: Hint tlui room wns durlt. wlicn die hoird tlio quirk, llrm Ireiidi no Kind Hint he euuhl not nee tlio quick blush, which put tier mntrunhooil tu shame when Hie door win thrown hnstlly oipii, nnd three or four swift strides brought him tu her side. "Florencel" 1)11, huw IiIh voire thrilled her Imlf with pleasure, half with pnlti! "Are you Kind to ee me?" hu que- tionvii. She strove to answer; lint tier lips iillveriil, nod nu word cnnie. "Florence," lie then until again, nnd he bowed his linudiioiile head lower. Ii It too soon to speak?" -mi, i.eonnni, " slio answered, "enn I yet ntono?" Aim men tne tirldgn of years wns swept nwuy. nnd she sobbed out her happiness upon hi shoulder. "Ut me mil you," lie unlit nt lnt "1 lnivn not yet neon the face for whlcli I have liuiiKcri'd nil these years." lie struck n light, llicn turned nnd Inked nt Iter. ".My dnrlliiKl" ln said. "It In mill my lieniitlful Florence. Wlint Imo I done to deserve thin honrj" ".MniiiiMM. where nre you?" enlled out n fresh, girlish voice nt tills In stnnt. The next iiinineiit n Klrl of scarcely seventeen nutninem sprang Into the room. "Thin In my ilimirhtiT. Leonard my only t'hlld. Maude, let tne present you tu oyo of your motlier'ii oldest friends." The gcntlcmnn Indlrnted looked from one tu the other from tlio moth er to tlio dniiKlitur then Imck nRnln. Now ho could renllr.e the liipne of tlmo -now lie could npprcclnto the 'lmii);i' yinrn Inul wruunlit. Tin1 dniiKhter wan n fntr counter pnrt of tlio mother'H lienuty. An uncomfortnlile Henmitlon rose up In hi hreniit n dmiili wnrrliiKiiKnlmit the tnevltnlilo nn iinncknowledKi'd dealre tu retrace life' pntliwny .1 ml fonitier time. Mrnnwhlle tlio Klrl pouted tlm full red llpn, nu slio tlioiiKlit livr motlier'ii trlond truiiKcly nlment; nnd when he nt Inst forced himself ilito n few words of KrrctlUK. they fell upon dull, linlici'illiiK cum. Then slio Iind roup. Tho loveru were nlonn nKiiln; lint he no lonuer opened wide lliu nrins, hut Inntend drew 11 chnlr to her nlde, Hint they mlnlit dlscuiis morn rntlounlly, 11. "V011 must tench Minnie to love, you," hIio mild to I1I111 next moruliiK, 'I wnnt llmt to reeoncllo lier to my necond mnrrliiKu liefore stnrHInK lior with Its prolmlilllty. Tell me do you think her llko me?" "Your nccond self." "All. I nm so Klndl You will lovo lier, tlion, for my snkol" To lovo, nnd to lio lovedl O'er ensy tnsk set ly (mil woninn In her blind ness. It wns Mr. (Irovcr who must lie Mnudo's cnmpnnloii In her dnlly rides Sir, flrovcr who must tench hur to mnnnKe tho liont In theso first onrly splnrK dnys. Mnudo looked upon her Ruest ns her property. Bho hnd lone iiro IhiikIiIiik. y told him how unceremonious hnd I ice 11 his welcome to her, and lio hnd wooed nnd won absolution. rloinetlined l'liirenco HlRhed lis slio watched them together, whllo slio sat nlonor but she Knvo to tho hIkIi no iiiinic. nnd tlioiiKlit tho tribute to bo viiulshod yenrs. One ilny enmo her nwnkenlni;. Jlnuilo nnd .Mr. drover had koho for tholr nfternoon ride, lint It hnd ex tended beyond Its wont, nnd slio Iind Krown nnxtdiiH nnd ventured forth to moot them, striking Into tho forest inth which was their fuvorlto wuy, A 4mlf-mlIo from her homo slio met iMnudo's horse, riderless. Palo with terror, sho hnstcned on, when sudden ly bIio stotped, rooted to tho spot Almost nt her feet knelt tho mnn lier heart hnd loved nlways, nnd In his iirms ho held Mnudo's unconscious form, "My lovel my llfol" bo snld, ench word being borne distinctly to her, ."Speak to me one Just oucol Oh, M OPENING Of NIC -1 ml Ui mi ic,l lu Him. Minnie, nre you hurt? My dnrlliiKl my dnrlliiKl Would Hint 1 uilRlit have Klwu my life fur jiiiiru!" Then he stopped nnd pressed his lips to hers. A Ioiik, llutterliiK sIkIi ecaier them, "l.iiinnnll" sho whispered! "icon 11 rill" "1 mn here, denr," ho snld. And then ho I11I1I her down nut of his arms, ns though, with returning life, ho remembered Hid duty It brought with It. The mother spr.inK forwnnl. "I)u not lie nhirnied," Mr. drover snld, Kently, 011 seeing her. "Hur liurni) threw her. I think there Is no serious Injury." When n few hours Inter they knew Hint there wns no need for anxiety on Maude's account, Florence shut her self uti within her own room to Unlit her battle. "1 on 1 1 not kIvo him up," she uionned, "He does not know his own mind. He will forKet this child, nnd she she cannot lovo I1I111." I And, fur the llrst time In her llfo, theru eiinio 11 feeling of bitter resent ment, even against her dnughter. They wero sitting together In tho library as she entered. "l.eonurd," she suld, "I think It Is tlmu we told Mnudu thu truth." The mnn's fneo puled. Hhu could iiluioat see him gird his soul for tho conlllct, nnd crush out his heart behind bis honor. liven Mnudo looked up, with a sus plclon of coming trouble. "it Is only this, dear," she snld. turn' lug to her dnughter. "Hns not Mr. (inner told you Hint ho Is nn engnged mnn?" Then she saw Hint tho steel hnd struck home. Tlio girl nnswered noth lug ns sho turned two wet. reproncli ful oyes tu him, who dnro not meet their knxe. I must cougnitulnte Mr. drover, sho snld, culling up nil her wmnnu's pride tu her nld. Then slio hnstcned from the room to hide the burst of tenrs. I'he two wero left nlone. 'Hoes she suspect, do you think?" Florence asked, Klontlug over his tor ture. 'She must know," ho answered. am ready, Florence, to fulfill my bond." 'Itelense me. Leonard. I lliul I can not mnrry you." Five minutes ngo she would hnvo thought herself lucnpiiblc of tho snC' rlllcc; yet there sho stood quiet nnd calm, giving tin outwnrd sign of tho In word whirlpool, nor tho torture Hint wrung her ns sho watched tho weight lift from his soul nt her words. A Utile later ho enmo to her, Mnudo blushing, rndlnnt with happiness, by bis side. "Will you kIvo her to mo?" ho nsked "I loved her, Florence, becnuso sho wns your second sclfl" New York Dnlly News. RUSSIA AT CLOSE RANGE. Cillioillxntlou of Ht. Hcruiililtil Culled Together Over 100,001). Tho net of canonization of Ht Sera phim on Aug. 1, 1003, win treated by the Itusslnu nuthurlttes ns a purely do mestic concern. Diplomatic representa tive wero not Invited. Few foreigners know of Uie matter beforehand, mid those who nsked for permission to nt tend wero liiformcd that nil tho ncconi' modntloua of tho monastery hnd been assigned. F.vcn U10 lending Urltlsh ml- vocnlo of union between tho AnglUvin mid Orthodox churches fared no better. An Kngllshmnn and myself wero, ns far ns I know, thu only foreigners Hint went, and wo were made to feel Hint our presence wns undcslred. Notwith standing this, and tho discomforts wu shared with peasants wearing sheep skin coats and birch bark footgear, wo wero richly repnld by tho opportunity to study Ilusslu nt closo range, and to witness a marvelous manifestation of U10 faith Hint expects mid creates nilr ncles. Tho function of canonization called together a enmp meeting of tuoro I Jin 11 nuo hundred thousand people, a vorltn bio tintion assembled In faith, n tlioo cratlc wltcuagomot llesldos at least ton myriads of peasants, nrUsaiu and mall tradesmen Husslan accounts say 8.10,000 tlio ct'reuionles demanded tlio presonco of tlio Imperial family, mobilized nn army corps and 110 lncon- sldornblo number of police, nnd at tracted a host of civil and military dig nitaries niul clergymon of ail grades. The complicated ncUon and Interaction of H10 autocratic, buroaucraUo ami hierarchic machinery of church and HUNTING SEASON. state were Inld bare to nn unusual ex tent. The Kuipuror mid the court vis lied the linunts nt the heriiUt, nnd drank and hived themselves with wn ter from the miraculous spring beside whlcli his hut wns built. Ills tiiicor ruptcd reuinlns were placed lu a costly ensket beneath n massive silver canopy of monumental proportions, Ixith the gifts of his Majesty, nnd the monastery wns proclnlmcil Itusslsn I in nl in seat of miracles, -fentury. INDIAN DICIPLINE. Iteit Men Are I'HMeMnl nf Much Xuttt- rnt rolitellca. No people lire possessed of n greater shnro of natural politeness than tho Indians, wrote Isnnc Weld In 17U9 they will never Interrupt while nnothor Is spunking! nor, If one hns told them anything which they think to lio fnlsc, will they bluntly contradict him. They deem It highly becoming In n warrior tu Hfcommodiito his mminers to those of tho people with whom he may hap pen tu be. Tho following nnecdoto Is told by Mr. Weld In "How Our Ornnd fathers Lived": Our friend Neklg. Tho Little Otter. hnd been Invited tu dine with us nt the house of n gentleman nt Detroit, mid ho entile ncordlngly, accompanied by his little son, a buy of ulno or ten years. After dinner n variety of fruits was nerved, mid mining the rest wero some pencheg, n dish of 'which was handed to tho young Indhin. He helped himself to one with be coming propriety; but Immediately nf forward ho put tho fruit to his mouth and bit a piece out of It. Tho father eyed him with Indlgnn Hon, nnd spoke some words to hlni In a low volco, which I could not under stand, but which, on being Interpreted by ono of tho company, proved to be a wnrm reprltnnnd for his having been so deficient In observation ns not to peel his peach, ns he saw tho gentle man opposite hi m hud done. Tho little fellow wns extremely nshnmcd of himself; but he qulckly retrleved his error by drawing n plate toward him nnd peeling the fruit with tho greatest neatness. Somo drink to which ho was nfter ward helped, not being by any means ngrccablo to his palate, thu little fellow uindo n wry fnce, ns a child might unt il rally do. This called forth another reprimand from the fnthcr, who told 111 in Hint ho despaired of ever seeing htm a grent mnn or n good warrior It ho appeared thus to dislike what his host bad kindly given him. Tho boy took the rest of his drink with seem ing pleasure. RIDDINQ DOGS OF FLEAS. Troublesome Tormentors of Canines In No Dunuer of Kxtliictlou. Did you over undertake to keep n dog freo from liens, not a whining lit tle toy dog, but n normal dog that runs about lu tho grass and leads a dog's llfo? It's n thankless Job. Every day or two you have to sprinkle I1I111 with powder, the smell of which Is dlstnsto- ful to you, detestable to the dog nnd abhorrent to tho tleas. Somo of the latter are mado deathly sick, some nro maimed nnd many nro killed ontrlght, but, strnngo to say, their public pun Ishrucnt does not net as n deterrent on tho tleas Hint nro not caught. The lat ter continue to Increase nnd multiply Just ns If n Ilea had never been brought to Justice, nnd whenever they get the chnnco they- hlto a dog. Ono dog furnishes sustenance for many generations of tleas, tho most rigid police surveillance falling to dis courage tho young nnd active among them In a given length of tlmo you will find a given number of tleas on n given dog. Tho most vicious nro the ones Hint hnvo been sickened by the powder. They nro also the hardest to kill, as they don't mind It so much tlio second time. In fact, nfter tho third or fourth ilosu they seem actu ally to onjoy It. This Is n condition, not a theory, ns Mr. Cleveland used to sny. No matter how great your sym pathy for tho dog may bo you can't help him, You can't establish social settlements In llondom; you can't kill all U10 liens lu tho world, It wouldn't bo fair to kill all the dogs. Tho best way Is to let tho dogs and tho tleas fight It out among them selves. A Snob.s Grievance, "Young man," said Mr. Dustin Stax, I hnd to work for my money." "Well, fnthcr," wns the chilly re-, ply, "enough people lu our set are throwing that up to me without your talking about It" Washington SUr. GOOD Shorty tofies - j.iii iii.iiiiiii- - - - - - - - - - - 1 ... 1 I I I TttTtTTtt I I I I Ttt A young graduate In luw, who hnd hnd some experience III New Yurk City, wrotv tu 11 prominent pruetloner lu Ar kansas tu Impilru what chance there was III that section fur such u one as ho described himself tu be. He said: "1 nm 11 Republican In politics, and an honest young lawyer." Thu reply that -u nm seemed encouraging In Its Inter est. "If yuti nre 11 Itepubllcnn the game laws here will protect you, and If you are an honest lawyer you will hnvo no competition." A "iHislllvely true tnle" of Hcutch pnwklness Is sent us by u nnvul corre spondent. He traveled up tu Invernes nil I re with 11 Scotsman, on whose taci turnity he fulled, after many eirorts, tu impinge. Thu Kcotsman still stared dully, fixedly from thu train. At lust Intelligence began tu shuw lu his face, 11 ml grew tu ecstasy, mid lie shuutcd In his excitement: "Ixik here, look here, Hint's whaiir It wns." Ills com pnnlon rushed tu the wlnduw. "In you win town," continued the Scotsman, "I wns ehnrged snxpence for yln cup uf coffee." An English student tells that when he vwis attending school nt Leipzig tho feeling regarding tho Hner war ran high, the Ocrmniis rurerly exulting over any news nf Urltlsh defeat. Ono uf the university prnfessurs was the most rabid pru-ltocr. One dsy he post ed n notice announcing thut there would be a meeting of the professorate tu protest against the action uf En gland In Houth Africa, and that the meeting would be held ln the Zoologi cal (lurdens. An English student was bold enough to write under the no tice: 'And n very good plncc, too," but ho hnd U luavu the university on ac count of tils wit At a children's party nt Hucklngham I'alaco the other day, a little Incident occurred which furnished Queen Alex andra, who Is very fond of children, with considerable amusement Ono of the small people present, a 3-year-old son of Lady Lurgnu's, has a passion for soldiers, and was showing his ap preciation for the scarlet-colored mili tary bandsmen who were playing In the garden by picking daisies and pre senUng them.. Presently the Queen chanced to pass by, and graciously asked the small boy to give her a dai sy. The youngster looked her majesty over, nnd compared her cjulet gown with the guy uniform he admired, then firmly renlled: "No. Orass for you." nnd handed the Queen tiny handful of grass. William T. Dnntz, who wns with President Itooscvelt while he was a Western rancher, relates, In Harper's Weekly, nu Incident lllustraUve of the President's temper although, he says, It Is tho only time he ever knew It to get away from him. It was during tho last round-up of cattle, and House velt and Dnntz were saddle-comrades and bed-mates. It was a stormy night, and they went to bed which consisted of tarpaulin-covered blankets on the wet ground tired and hungry, tho rain having drowned the cook's Ore. Hardly hod we turned In." says Mr. Dantz, "when a night rider slashed a wet lariat across our bed, catling out: All bands turn out; cattle breaking away!' With a groan I slipped out sideways, and groped Id the darkness for my pony'a picket line. Suddenly heard a burst of picturesque lan guage, the gist of which was a general malediction on the country, tho man who made It, the men who lived in It, und the 'blankety-blankfool that would leave dod's country for such a blank- ety-blauk wilderness but there are certain situations too sacred to be de scribed." FRIENDS OF THE HORSES. Bolder 1 In Stable Protect the Occu pant from Insect Pests. How many readers are aware of the value of a spider's web In tho right place? The neat housekeeper would prefer other kinds of traps for ridding her kitchen of files and even a star boarder might hold to the old-time mosquito bur when he lays himself down to sleep, but It Is doubtful If anything so cheap, so simple and at the same time so effective has ever been utilized for the comfort of horses In a stnble ns the cozy parlor of the tiny threndmuker. A reporter was standing In front of Lloyd Grubbs' liv ery stable a few mornings ago when a hostler trotted out l)r. Uuveon s ma hogany bay. Like most men who have long lived In Texas, the scribe loves a good horse, and tho nnlmul referred to hns n pretty build, n stylish step nnd claims to hnvo aristocratic blood In Ids veins. He had been well groom ed and his Bleek coat of hair, pretty head and neck made n picture, but In spite of bis rich blood and good looks he soon became restless. He squirmed and switched, stamped and fretted, though there wero very few flies about hlni. Mr. Orubbs came out, fanned tho pests otT, nfter which the horso Btood quietly enough, hut gnzed long tngly Into the stable. Half a dozen men wero eyeing the atilmal and all Interpreted the expression In the horso's eyes and nctlon of his ears to menu ho wanted to get back Into his stnll. Mr. Grubbs was quick to speak. Ho first called attention to the two long ranks of burses standing In stalls on cither side of aisles, that led entirely through tho building. "Notice," ho snld, "not a horso Is switching his tall, nor Is there the slightest noise, though 011 a wooden floor from stamping feet. You can turn any of thoso horses out of the stable nud tbey would break right through this crowd to get back. Why Is It?" If any of tho others wero prepared to answer his conundrum they, failed to spoak out "Look at thoso cobwebs," Mr. Grubbs proceeded. "For years after I first wont Into tho livery stable busi ness I swept every stnll foro and aft, overhead and on tho sides. I could not tolerato spider webs, for I know they gathered dirt aud looked so un tidy. An old Colorado miner dropped lu here one day Just as he was drag ging out from under a pretty heavy J Jag. He claimed tu have been a hos tler fur years oil 11 stage line between Hllver Plume mid Colorado Nprlugs. For a drink tho old fellow offered to tell im; huw tu rid my stnble of files nnd uiusqultoes. 'Let the spider webs alone and when they get pretty thick about the upper part uf the stalls they will keep off files, glials and musqul toes.' Ho wns gono before I hnd tlmo tu think how his fare looked whether he was trying to tell the truth or wns simply working me fur that drink, but I told the men about the stnble Hint we would try It. Within 11 few months friendly spiders hnd filed pre-emptions nnd finished up n pretty good Job nbovo the stalls, mid fur years my stock hns never been harassed while In tho stall wllh flies, gnats or mosquitoes. You seo the hoeks of the horses arc not swoll en or their hoofs split from pounding the hard floor with their feet, nor do their eyes run water, as do tho eyes of all horses where guilts and (lies linunt them." There hung the dingy festoons, while forty or tlfty horsis sleeping peace fully testified to the truth of nil Hint their owner had snld iibout the value of spiders In a stable. Denver News. HOW TO BECOME WELCOME. Considerable Tact Heriilred to Leave a Hemic. HutUlled. There Is great art lu Impressing your self favorably upon your host or host ess, whether a guest In a city or a country house. If you iiossess a ten der conscience toward your hostess show It by never taking any liberties In her house with her belongings, her ser vants or her children. To become a welcome guest you must be keenly ob servant of family hablti and little preferences. Come dowu very prompt ly to meals, and because you have owl ish tendencies don't make the house hold smother Its yawns while It hero ically attempts to entertain you. Nev er displace a chair, book or lamp with out carefully replacing It Just where you found It. Don't leave your sewing, crochet work, novel or teunls racket lying about, as I knew one nice, careless girl to do In a house where the hostess was peculiarly tidy. Miss Illank even tually left her bag of golf clubs near a doorway, where the host stumbled over them In Hie dark and hurt his knee severely. Her balls of wool lay In sufa corners half the time or In a tangled mass on the parlor floor, and she appropriated to her own use a big, deep chair In the chimney corner that was the special property, pride- and solace of the host's elderly rheumatic sister. Khe meant no harm, of course, but her careless disregard of the particu larities of others rendered her pecu liarly unwelcome to her hostess and all the family In which she visited. They were as glad to see her as was another hostess who Invited a young man frlenil of her husband to stop over the week-end In her dainty little home. He was a good fellow at lieart, but the guest room he occupied for but two days was a wreck when he left it He had tied the fresh muslin window cur tains Into hard knots In order to gain more light upon bis shaving glass; he bad dropped hot cigar ashes on the embroidered bureau cover and burned two big holes therein. Trying to move about Hie room In the dark, he over turned a vase of flowers and ruined pretty rug and he coolly scratched his matches on the wall. Finally, be dragged a dainty chintz-covered chair out upon the guest room balcony and left It there all night In the rain. BIRTHPLACE OF MONASTICISM. Asceticism Came Into Existence Fourth Century Ilefore Christ. In It Is easy to comprehend on these lonely, barren cliffs why Egypt has been the birthplace and nursery of mo nasticlsm. Recent discoveries hnvo revealed the fact that this existed be fore ChrlsUanlty, for there was a com munity- of ascetics in the Serapeum of Memphis In the fourth century B. C. During the persecutions under Severus, Declus and other ltoman emperors, what wns more natural than Hint well- known Christians should fly from the populous towns and green fields of the Delta nnd Nllo valley, to take refuge In mountain caves, near to some little oasis, placing many leagues of barren wilderness between them and their tor mentors? Food might be scarce, but water was assured to them; and In those circumstances marriage, with he prospective euro of young children, would be highly undesirable, or ns St. Paul puts It, not "good for tho present distress." Whnt was at llrst a necessity came to be looked on as a virtue; a falso conception of Ood's character ns that of a hard taskmaster was engendered; one of our Ixird's sayings and certain passages of St. Paul s epistles, Isolated from their context, wero Interpreted, without any reference to tho rest of Holy Writ, as a prohibition of mar riage to the followers of the Christ. Thus a new yoke, harder than that of Judaism, was fabricated; holiness was supposed to consist largely In out ward observances; and mortification of the flesh was put on a level with sane- tlllcatlon of the spirit. Asceticism wns taught to tho Lntlu Church by Athn naslus, the great Pope of Alexandria, during his six years' exile; In the land of his birth It took such deep root that in the fourth century a traveler named ltutlnus found that tho whole population of Oxyrhynchus had be come monks nnd nuns, each sex occu pying a separate quarter of tho town. Tho process or flight from tho city to the caves must huve been often re peated during the p.'rlod of Moslem misrule; und tu this wo probably owo tho preservation of many valuublo manuscripts; for neither tho most dar ing of Mameluko soldiers nor the most bloodthirsty of Mohammedan street mobs would have cared to follow tho fugitives over a "black country" where food nud water could be supplied to them only by an organized transport of camels. Century. Ilalauced, Some of your opponents, colonel, nro accusing you of putting money Into politics," said tho plain citizen. "Well, somo of the others have been accusing me of taking money out of It," replied tho colonel, "so things ant about even up." Philadelphia I'resa. HUMOlt OF THE WEEK 8TORIE8 TOLD DY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Curious mid Laughable Plmae of Human Nature Ornphlcnllj Por trsjed hj llmlnent Word Artists of Our Own Dar-A Iludget of Fun, Husband My denr, did you notlco Hint gentleman who Just got off the car? Wife Do you mean that dark, heavy-set man In the light-gray suit, brown derby hut and low tan sIiooh, wearing a tunnlown collar with a nar row He and diamond pin, carrying a book and silk umbrella with a heavy gold-mounted handle? Husband Y-yes. I guess Wife No, I didn't notlco him. Why? l-'alr Wnrnlrisr. Patient It's up to you, doctor. If you fall to cure me you'll get nothing for your services. Doctor How's that? Patient I liaven't money enough to pay both you nnd the undertaker. Uxtrcmc 3!cuHitrc Mother If I catch you chasing those hens again, I'll wash your face every day next week! Kxceptlon. Ernestine He thought I wouldn't show his love letters. How foollshl Jack I should say so. There Is only one class of girls that don't show love letters around. Ernestine And what class Is that? Jack' Those that never received any. Too Many Wives. "I henr you have discontinued the custom of giving your clerks a raise when they take a wife," said the vis itor. "I have. Indeed." replied tho great merchant "Why so?" "Well, the last clerk was a Mormon, and came for a raise four times In a month." Ilackhanded Politeness Ethel (breathlessly) Oh, Jack, dear. what did papa say when you aBked for my hand? Jack He said that I had annoyed him so long by being around the house so much that I'd grown to be a sort of necessary evil, and he'd miss me If I stayed away. So he Invited me to Join the family circle. Detroit Free Press. Lightened the llurden. fceverai young women at the re ception asked young Mrs. Wlsley why she had discharged her hired girl. The reason Is plain enough," she replied. "It Is easier to do the work for Tom and me than for Tom and the hired girl and me." Detroit Free Press, Took to Her. "I don't see how Mrs. Blank ever got anyone to propose to her, she has such a sour disposition." 'Why, Blank, you know, used to be given to temporary aberrations of the mind, nnd at the time he asked ber 10 marry mm ue uiougnt he was a lemon squeezer." Detroit Free Press. Quite Different. Smith What does Brown do now? Jones He Is nn nrtlst. Smith I know; but what does he do for a living? Iletweeu Friends. Miss Do Playne I wonder If Mr. Shortlclgb renlly wants to marry mo for my money? Miss Prettyun Has he proposed? Miss De PlayiK? Yes. Miss Prettyun Then how can you possibly doubt It, dear? Point of View, Mlfkins So your friend Enpeck claims to be a self-mado man, eh? Blfklns Yes; but If you wero to see him when his wife happened to be around you would think ho was made to order. Not a Had Idea. Little- Willie Sny, pn, Is the pen mightier than the sword? Pa So some peoplo claim, my son. Llttlo Willie Then why don't tho Ilusslnns arm themselves with foun tain pens? Natural Deduction. Askltt What reasou havo you for thinking young Drlllen has a grudgo against humanity In general? Ivnoltt He Is a student In a dental college. Overheard In tho Park. Eruestlno Jack has a horrid stiff beard coming out. Tho idea of his kiss lug me last night. Uvn Oh, I don't suppose ho minds 'scraping an acquaintance." How It Happened. "I heard you giggling In tho parlor last night," said the stem parent. "I think you must have been beside your self." "Oh, no," said the pretty girl, blush- lug deeply, "I was bcsldo Charlie," Her War. Old Manager So your prima donnsj hns a bad cold? Youthful Manager Yes, sho con- trnctcd It Old Manager A contract, hey? Bha'll break It Imldo of twenty-four hours. Detroit Free Press. Mean, Husband My, but I wish I had your tongue. Wife 80 that you could express) yourself Intelligently? Husband No; so that I could stop It when t wanted to. Detroit Freo Press. One of 3!anr, The Frlrmd (who has been abroad) And how Is your wife, old man? Ex-Husband Oh, I haven't any wlfo now. She got a divorce Inst spring and Is now on tlio stage. Tho Friend Ah. nn actress, eh? Ex-Husband Oh, no; she's merely on the stage. Ills Opinion. "In some parts of Africa," snld Mrs, Naggs, who was perusing tlio vlllugo weekly, "a mnn can buy n wlfo for a clay plpo nnd n string of glass beads." "Well," rejoined Naggs, "I supposo there ore some wives who are really worth all of Hint" Never Kefusetl. Carnegie was thinking of his mil lions. "After all," he sighed, "too much capital heaped on a man Is punish ment" "Yes," said the common man, "but n great many people aro In favor of capital punishment." Unite Another Story Stern Parent No, daughter, I will never consent to your marriage with a man who gambles like young Spot kins does. Pretty Daughter Hut, pnpn, he says ho will return all he ever won from you on our wedding day. Stern Parent Why didn't you tell me that In the llrst place? The sooner you mnrry him, my dear, the better. Another Fish Btorr. "So you were out in SL Louis?" said Uie postmaster. "Did you see the ts pike?" ' To be sure," drawled the Tillage fabricator; then after a pause, "but It wasn't one Inch bigger than the pike I caught In Hurly's mill pond last sum mer." Indefinite. 'Getting any bites?" asked the In quisitive person of the lone fisherman. "What kind of bites?" queried the I. f. "Fish, snake or mosquito?" Proof ia the Haylnff. "Mammy, will papple be home to day?" "Go 'long, chile; what yo" ask such foolish questions fo' when yo' seed ma buy dat chicken." ' Playing; in Luck. "We always treat our cook as one of our family," explained the man who was looking for trouble In an Intelli gence offlce. 'That don't go with me," replied the applicant for the Job, "but I'm willing; to treat your folks as I would my own family." And as that was far more than ho had even thought of asking, he pro ceeded to close the deal then and there. Natural Deduction. He That young woman who Just left must be a book agent She Why do you think so? He She spoke volumes. Genuine Article. Him Did you ever see one of those slow matches? Her Do you refer to a Philadelphia courtship? One Man's Idea. meeker What reasou have you for thinking Homer crazy? Meeker He has been married throo times. An Insinuation. He Don't you think Miss Thlrtyodd looks awfully sweet this evening? She Oh, I suppose so; but I never did care for preserves. Its Own Iieward. Myer What do you mean by saying an umbrella Is like a virtue? Gyei: I mean that it Is folly to ad vertise for either if lost. A Others Bee Us. 'I don't have to work for a living," said the shiftless Individual. "Of courso you don't," rejoined the- busy man. "If you did It's a safe bet that you wouldn't be living." Tlio Gontto Voices He Heard. "Naomi," he said softly as be gazed at tho moon above them, "Isn't tho evening beautiful? Do you know, strange fancies throng my mind on a night like this. Every zephyr Bcerns to bear gentlo voices, perhaps from the spirit world. Do you hear such voices?" Sllcuco for n moment. "I thluk I do, George." "What do they sound llko to you?" "They nro very Indistinct, but they mako 1110 think that papa nud brother Henry are calling the dog." London Tit-Ults. Had Itesults. "Do you believe that mosquitoes nro affected by the use of kcroseno lu the swamps?" "Yes," answered Farmer Corntossel, "kerosene drives more of 'em from their homes, an' makes 'em crosser an bloodthlrstler than ever," Washing ton Star. When a young man leaves an odor of cigarettes In his trail, there develops a growing dissatisfaction wnn tho girl who will agree to marry him. 1 fwa.