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About Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 7, 1904)
' 1 I TOPICS OF THE TIMES. A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTER. E8TINQ ITEMg. Comments nod Criticisms Based Upon the Happening of tu Djr-UItorl- ml and New Not. Th autoinobtls With all Ita Perlla ama to be less fatal than tha bath log iult "A. stage belli up." Hie pity 1 that It doea not happen ofteher, for tho atagt 10 ofton needa auch aid. The Japanese have disproved the Itunlan boast that Kalchow waa a stronghold not to be ineeied at Every little while somebody aug testa that the United Statee annex San Domingo. Would it cot be poaalble to alnk It! lluaala haa a General Pflorg nd Japan haa an Admiral Hobo. The In tereatlng question la, Can Buasla Pflogg the Hobo? When Ruaaell Sage heara about the young man ho went crazy while on hta vacation he will, of courae, regard It aa a clear cac of Juat retribution. Scientists claim to have discovered the old-age microbe, but It la quite likely the Tarmlnt will continue do ing business at the aame old atand. What will the poor typesetter do when the leglona of General Taka harakamabarabara begin to encounter those of General Shootemoffskyklll emoffuroff? William C. Whltney'a helra object to paying an Inheritance tax of 221 Why can't the State of New York be generoua and cut It down to 1221,900.09? Mlaa Jane Addams predicts the time when the aervant girl will be a mem ory of barbarism. Begging Mlaa Ad dama' pardon, It's that way now lu aome suburban homes. Prof. Starr thinks that the Chinese. upon the whole, are superior to tue Japanese. This will give everyoouy aoroethlnr to talk about during the professor'a extended visit In China. Dr. Sitae C. Swallow aaya that for twenty yeara America haa been "ruled bv Ilunko. Boodle and Booze." It must be admitted In all candor that these three Ba have Improved each shining hour. Blahop Potter haa assisted at the opening of a saloon In rw lork. in asmuch aa be haa been able to get his articles accepted by the magazines without going to this extreme, some people cant Imagine why he did it A New Jersey man claims to have discovered a process whereby beauti ful gowna may be made from asbea tea. Whether or not tbta drawing upon the rocks of mother earth will tend to aave the "rocks" of the head of the family remains to be seen. Switzerland looks well after Its citi zens, and Its postal department and railway privileges have long been ad mired by the rest of the world. Now the government haa decided to forbid parents from saddling their children with fantastic names. Two children, named by unmerciful progenitors "May Flrat" and "Illbello" (Rebel), have been legally christened, and the foolish names have been condemned by the courts. Switzerland haa truly a "paternal" government bova and jutha. For a man wno haa reached or passed middle age it Is difficult to ace how It la poaalble for boys such as these to engage in part nerships In crime or to practice; It even alone. A generation ago the number of boya of that age over whom no controlling Influence was exerted waa small. To-day the atreeta of every city, even of the thtrd or fourth mag nitude, seem to he awarming wiin them. Parental control, with the In culcation of any aense of moral re sponslblllty or respect for human law. teems to be a thing of the past The so-called principle of governing by love gained some headway In the grow ing years of the men wno are njtt fathers of boys of IB to 2a l'n backed by knowledge of and respect for authority, this has become raruuy anarchy. Hoys are not governed at nil. Yet nothing Is more certain than that parenta must resume authority or llnd some power that will exerclso It or the outcome will be tragedy on a large scale, wherein the undisciplined will go to the wall. ITOMAL gtw(njy,.i-IL. OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECTS IT" LA mm Captain Mahan told the imperial Federation League In London that it was Important that the various com munities of English-speaking peoples ehould become so far capable of co incident action as to be able to exert their power as one great nation. There fore It was Important that the British colonies should be united with the mother country In aome sort of a fed eration with a head that could speak for the whole. This view of one of the most profound students of the big questions of world politics deserves respectful consideration. Daylight la one thing that destroys the germs of disease all of them and publicity, bringing with it Irresist ible public opinion, la the aure cure for public unrighteousness. A shining oxample la f urnlahed by the recent ex perience of the Western Union Com pany In connection with the collection and sale of racing news in New York City. The public realized and tho directors of the Western Union realiz ed what the company was doing, nnd Immediately the transmission of racing news to poolrooms was stopped. Day light, and yet more daylight, la the surest guarantee of continued progress toward better things everywhere, but especially in the financial community, Indiscriminate publicity haa Its faults, and, at times, works hardships and Injustice but It Is better than se crecy. Senor Dupuy de Lome he died In Paris recently was a dlplomatlat who Illustrated In his own person tho ef .fscts of violating the good old-fashion-ed rule of courtesy. While be was Spanish minister at Washington tho excitement over Cuba came to a crisis. In a letter to a friend In Havana bo wrote that "McKlnlcy la weak and catering to the rabble, and besides, a low politician." Thla letter was In terceptcd by the Cubans, and sent to the Secretary of State In Washing' ton. The Secretary took It at once to Minister De Lome, who admitted that he wrote, it The Spaniard knew that be bad violated the rules or dip lomacr. and cabled hla resignation at once to foreatall hla expulsion by the American government Hla offense was the same aa If a gueat ahould go about the houae abusing or rldlcullug his host - The arrest in Chicago of four boys, JO, 17, 18 and 20 years old respective y,' and their subsequent confession of various robberlea nnd at least one mur der, la n atrlklng commentary on nt least one phaae of the life of to-day. It Is the more striking because It Is not the only recent revelation of the participation In crime of half-trown A Ixindon dispatch says the present fad of many Englishmen Is to take numerous minute precautions against the Invisible germs of the earth and tho air, which, if inhaled or handled, may cause disease. There arc sterlllz ed clgarets, germicide doormats to kill the germs attached to the shoes of people who have boon walking through dust or mud. and little silver scoops which are to hold money until It can be taken home and fumigated. There are little tubs In which the ends of canes and umbrellas are dipped to kill tho clinging germs, and Innum erable other devices for the protection of human health against the myriads of unseen enemies which menace It The Bible tells men not to make thom- aolvea orerwise. This Is a caso In iwilnt. The man who knows all about germs, and who feels himself oblig ed to be continually on his guard against their Insidious attacks, Is so busy protecting his life that he has no time left In which to enjoy It Fur thermore, be cannot help knowing that In spite of all the pains he takes while he Is awake some germ may iao au vantage of him during his sleeping momenta unless he shuts himself up In class case where he can te sup plied with a sufficient allowance of tHiiirt lr. Such a person Is In constant aeonr about his food, drink. and clothing, lest all the germs have not been killed. Nobody should court danger. - Everybody should take rea- i sonable precautions against It, but there Is such a thing as moderation, even In defending oneself against dls- pnse c-erms. To be too much troubled ! op account of them Is to give up all peace of mind. Out of every one thousand letters used In writing English, T la used eighty-eight times. The United States has now 3S.0G5 locomotives on her railways. Great Britain has 21,304. Only nine men have been hanged In Kentucky In the last Ave years, al though there have been 709 murders. Five hundred and sixty thousand persons In tne united oiaies are pendont upon the street cars for sup port Owing to a decline In the Swiss watch trade, many emigrants are leav ing Switzerland for Canada and the United States. Manila has a population of some thing like tbrea hundred thousand, about ten thousand being American and European born. The American population is estimated at about six thousand. The coal handling machinery at a Boston wharf recently lowered the world's record by raising coal from a steamer ninety feet to storage pockets at the rate of 320 tons an hour. The capacity of the shovel was two tons. The "trains de luxe," which now cover the distance from 'Moscow to the Pacific in slxtetfi days, and which rival in luxury any in the United States, each carry a physician and an Inspec tor who speaks half a dozen languages. Milan was recently the scene of a remarkable "rain" or downfall of but terflies or moths. They settled In tens of thousands on almost every available inch of space on the ground and on the buildings of the central quarters of the city. The Insects are described as perfectly black and marvelously active. Their presence Is ascribed to an air current swept along In front of a uur ricane. A Mexican cactus Is eaten by In diana during their religious ceremonies to Incite visions. An English natural 1st, Dr. Dixon, has becen testing upon himself its extraordinary properties, and reports that the air seemed filled with vague odors of perfumes, a halo of musical sounds surrounding him, and a marvelous display of ever-chang lng brilliant colors passed clearly be fore his vision. Aftr all other remedies fail, there still remains a way of getting rid of rats, and that Is by depriving them of water. They can live for a very long time without food, but when hard pressed will not hesitate to eat each other, but no rut can go twenty-four hours without drink. Therefore, If every possible means of obtaining wat er la taken from tho rats they will de sert the vicinity. The Sakals, or tree dwellers, of the Malay peninsula build their houses in forked trees a dozen feet above ground. and reach them by means of bamboo ladders, which they draw up when safely housed out of harm's way. The house Itself Is a rude kind of shack made of bamboo, and the flooring Is lashed together piece by piece and bound securely to the tree limbs by rattan. These curious people are rather small and lighter In complexion than the Malays, though much uglier. They have no form of religion at all not even Idols no written language, and speak a corrupt form of Malay. It you eat corn on the cob, don't ag gravate your offense by mixing a mus tache up In It. One of the funniest things In a little town la the smart sit. Country and City. a PAPER published near the southern boundary or Missouri spcafc oi uie great iuiuui.i,i-i iv ...i...en or tlu- telophoue where It haa been In troduced. The Improvement, It Is remarked, "places city and country in Immediate com luunlcutlon, rendering unnecessary four-tilths ot tne trips that have beeu made on country roads." High ways may be muddy and weather stormy, uui tne worm can be rung up according to the necessities of the mo ment, facilitating business and social life, aud saving an lmmoiue amount of time and ertort. A marked tendency of the age Is to bring the country Into closer touch with the centers of population. Electric roads are multiplying aud make their way Into neighborhoods tti.it count not hope for steam lines. Kural free delivery of the malls Is moving onward with groat strides. Over 20.000 routes are In operation. Missouri nloue has 1.200. Fanners get their letters nnd the dally newspapers delivered almost at weir doors. Each day's events reach the country promptly, atut the okl rural Isolation Is disappearing. Means of ready travel grow better and keep on extending, and the good roads organizations gain constantly In active support. Within a dozen years electric transit In the cities has more than doubled the area suitable for town residences. Cities themselves nre spreading farther Into tho country, of which suburban sections are a pleasing modlllcntlon. Iahor on the farm has been rendered easier by Ingenious machinery. All whose memories stretch back to pioneer davs can bear witness to the enormous advance toward bringing country and city closer together. Progress In that respect proceeds at an accelerated pace. Going to the city or taking a run Into the country Is a common place Incident How far the space between will eventually be annihilated Is beyond the range of conjecture, but the old lines ot separation are disappearing In so many ways that the future relations of country and city are full of hopeful Interest. There Is a reflex side to the drift of the population to the cities. Love of country life Is a natural and general feeling. The merchant who comes to the city as a youth to make bis fortune often returns to the country when he retires, and dreams of doing It all through his business career. He would hardly be willing to admit the deep tenderness of the memories of the old farm. All the re moteness of that quiet nook has passed away. You can "ring up" the fanner of to-day and tlnd that ho Is abreast with the cusrent news and that he has It In printed details, thanks to the rural delivery carrier. St. Louis GIobe-Dem ocrat w Leap Year Over Half Gone. E do not wish to urge anyone to rash and pre cipitate action, but It Is our duty to call the attention of young ladles, and. Indeed, of all unmarried ladles, to the exceptional privileges which Immemorial custom allows them In the quarternary period through which we are so runidiy pusalng. The number of weddings shows no In crease over ordinary years, aud it Is to be feared that the feminine world has not realized bow little potential energy there Is In water which has passed the mill. The decay of the peculiar customs or I.eap lenr is strongly evidenced oj the almost complete lack of Jokes on tue subject in tni newspapers, since It Is well known that topical humor lingers long after the vanishing of its cause. So far from Leap Year sinking Into noxious desuetude It might be expected that Its peculiar .privileges would be more widely used than ever before, now our young women are becoming more adventurous and also much harder to suit. The requirements for admission to mat rimony Imposed on the young men by the opposite sex have risen as rapidly as the standard or scuoiarsnip in tne uni versifies, and a young man whose attainments a few years ago would have been considered sufficient to qualify him for the position of master of a nousenoiu wouia nowadays have to be content with his degree of bachelor. lteally. It Is not at all certain that women do not do most of the proposing every year. very little Is known about this mysterious though Important topic, anywny, Each person's experiences are limited to a comparatively few Instances, and these are always regarded by both parties as exceptional In all respects. Novels are alto gelher unreliable, and the government has not muled ques tions concerning the methods of matrimonial negotiation to the census queries, although many more personal and less important vital atntlstlcs are procured. It may even be doubted whether matrimonial engagement are neces sarily or uveu commonly preceded by formal declarations, any more than are military engagement. However that may bo, we no not rccoiium-im maidens, no matter how desirous they are, aud should w, to obtalu tho best men for husbands, to adopt the conven tional form ot proposal. Breaking the Ice Is n iiisagrocnino process. It la better to thaw It. Aud let no one ubstutM from such maidenly maneuvers as she can ntivnniugcuusij use for fear lest the man should, through gallantry, accept her umvllllnelr. It Is rare that a man Is persuaded Into doing anything bo really docs not want to do; much morn rare than women think. A man's affection tor me tpi' site sex Is lu the beginning general ami diffuse. A man Is naturally so altruistic that he normally loves nil women, and on which one of them he ultimately focuses the full force of his affection depends on circumstances and on tno woman. New York Independent LET US ALL LAUGII. JOKC3 FROM THE PEN3 OF VA- nloue HUMonioTu. Irnemit Incldtnta Occurrlna! tha World Ov.r-Bl that Are Cuter- fill to Old or Yminir-Funujr eJHc tlona Unit You Will Ituior, "How much will you charge m by the week?" asked tue styiisu yvuu limn, stepping over th stile tu front of the rural boarding house. Twenty dollars," responunu farmer. . ... "You are rather steep, i nuguv get ven by running away with your wife." tloh. stranger. If you promise to uu that, I'll only charge you live. Ilriiruila oil Ilia Position. Itnynur (jilting It another shake) I hate often wondered why tney can these things "fountain" pens. Shine If you accidentally put one of lliein upside down In your vest IMWket you'll tlnd out- inicago ino- une. I.easnn Wita tleeleM. rrnutl Order. HEN a business concern In the United States begins suddenly to receive a largo nmufcer of letters dally, It may be sure that. Although no ripple has disturbed tho surface, a quiet In vestigation Is going on, and If there Is any thing dishonest alwut the business n notice will soon anncar from the lKistmastcr, to the effect that the Department at Washington has ordered the reten tion of nil letters addressed to that man or company. The dishonesty which Is held to Justify the Issuing of il fraud order may not be a mere barefaced attempt to steal au effort to get something for nothing. Tho charging of an excessive prollt, or misleading advertising, has called forth such au order. A recent case In point Is that of a company which advertised to furnish seed for an agricul tural product and to buy the product at market prices. The order against the company was Issued because It was learn iil that it sold In small quantities, for a total of Jtloo, seed which It bought lu bulk for $3; and because It repre mitrsl tin. iinMtiiet as east- to raise, when, III fact. It Is difficult This fearless attitude and action of the Government Is of the greatest possible buuellt to the country at largo In two ways. It checks, indeed It stops absolutely, one kind of fraud, and It protects Innocent persons from loss through that fraud. The thing on which stress should be laid Is tho availability of this strong arm of protection. There Is always a large number of fraudulent schemes afloat, dependent upon the publicity which they get through advertising. When one's attention Is attracted by such an advertisement, be has only to call the attention of his postmaster to It and to ask him to notify the Department at Washington. To do this In every suspicious case Is n duty which every honest man owes to his neighbor as well as to himself. Youth s Companion. Japanese Inventiveness. T has long been supposed that the capacity for initiation is the characteristic of Western nations alone. According to some leading an thropologlsts, as one goes from West to l!aat he finds this capacity disappearing and the cii' uacltv for imitation taking Its place. The Chi nese nnd Japauese are Imitators, not inventors. But the present war between Uie Itusslans and the J t p, u raDldlv proving the Idea to be mere assumption It Is the Eastern rather than the Western people which, lu this contest are exhibiting the capacity for Initiation and invontinn. Their strategy Is almost faultless, and It Is tbelr own. Their artllllcry Is astonishingly destructive nnd, In some of Its most deadly features, Is tht' product of Japanese Invention. Their naval tactics have been so un expected and successful as to promise n revolution In the future methods of naval warfare. When peace comes nnd the Jananeso carry their genius Into thu Industrial world. they will demonstrate perhaps In a more telling way that the capacity for Initiation does not diminish as one travels toward the rising Sun. Church Standard. -I I I I I I I I 1 HI 1 1 tl 1 Mil I lsH "AND YE VISITED ME." I 1 1 1 1 1 I 1 1 1 1 1 1 I I I I I i 1 1 1 IH? A RUSSIAN HEROINE. "Your letter brought tears to my eyes," wrote the Invalid to her friend of former years, as she lay In bed nnd painfully used her lead pencil. "I have been out of sight so long. You can never know how good It seems to be looked up and visited." Julia Graham that was what every one called her who remembered her had married and gone West "Mrs. George William Osgood" was the name on her visiting card. But she returned for "Old Home Week" after an ab sence of nine years, and the return was far from being an unmixed pleasure. A pleasure it was, in many ways great er than she expected; but the changes were many, and some of them lad. No one can revisit the scenes of child hood or youth, or any locality where he has spent much of his life, without this mixed experience the Joy of re- I newiug acquaintances which 'were pleasant, aud the sadness of finding those whom he loved less prosperous or less strong or happy. So It was with Miss Graham. The "week" was only a week for her, and It was a full one. There were relative to visit old friendships to be renewed, nnd din ners to be eaten. But the tiling wnlch Julia Graham did that endeared her to some old friends was the looking up of those whom she had known in other days who were unable, or timid ly disinclined, to look her up, Tho Utter was from one of these. Julia had learned that this old friend lived in another town, and was bedridden. It cost her a whole day to go to her, but she came back saying over to her self the words which her friend had said, "I know now why our Lord blessed those to whom He said, -I was alck, and ye visited met' " There was another old friend, a schoolmate, who had married a drunk ard, and who did not appear nt any of the festivities of the week. "I shouldn't call on h?r; she might be sensitive," aald Julia's cousin. Hut Julia went to her In her poverty and sorrow, and her visit was like a ray of sunshine to her old friend. Most pathetic of all waa her looking up an old man, feeble now and obllv loua of most that had happened recent ly, but with a mind that came back when recalled by suggestions of former years, and whose llfo was brightened for many a day afterward by bis mem ories of the visit of "little Julia Graham." "The plcasantest things about Old Home Week," said Julia to her hus baud, "were those which I waa moat reluctant to undertake. It coat m a r..mn ,m ilia Tail. Maintua Johnny, how many times hnvs I told you about pulling that cat's tallt . Johnny-1 don't knutf. mum; but from de way dc tail l worn It must be a lot-l'hlladclplilii Telegraph. WlasVmiiiii Man. "1 sue )ou have a new lepotler, said the doctor, us he stopped to aliuKu hands with the tllliigo editor. "Us he hud experience?" "That's what ho has." replied the scissors mHUltmlutur, as lie let out a deep sigh. "He Insisted In getting- hla salary lu advance." Chlcugo Dully New a. I'allrd t Mka "! Miles Did toil eter read Hint won derful book, "How to Live a lllinureu Years?" Ollra Yra; II"' author was an oni chooltnnte of mine. Miles - liiilwslt Where Is ho now? (Hies He tiled at Hit' ago of HT. Miiulay School Teacher -lot's wno looked b.iek and turned to salt. 'rummy -Yes, an' even now many lieu turn ter rubber. Itrr llaau. Vera S. ICalrd Thieves seem to bo nctlie out this way. Line Unsay -Yes, there was one in our house lust evening. Vera H. Kalrd You don't sayt Did he take uuythliig? Klllo Unsay -Oh. a few kisses. It was my Jack. Htrlclly tJllanltmiua. Myrtllla -1 never encouraged your brother, but he has proposed to me. 1 inn sure he has no rtusoii for want ing me to marry him. Miranda- -No; he hasn't any reason at all; that's what we said when he told us iilsuit It. Htlrrnl Then! tip. 'You will admit that education has been it great thing for this coinniuul tyl" said the stranger. 'I'll admit nothing of the kind, re plied the iiiajiir of Bacon lUdge. "One of them pesky school-teachers ram around here and told the children the earth was nlttats moving, and ever since the ttliule town has been sea slek. by heck!" l.lftlMK tilt Handicap. (!yer There goes a girl who Is a record breaker. Myer A record breaker? Oyer Yes. She towered her record ten years by manipulating the figures lu the family Bible. Mearm tiled Her Mamma. Slugletoil'-Mr. Enpeck. I lote your daughter, and hate toiiie to ask your consent to our marriage. Enpeck Take her ami welcome, my boy; nnd mny the good Lord have mcr cy on your soul. ir ii,. .r " TtiV.j'iJr' w V . It All llrpands. "Do you like ixipular songsl" asked the pretty girl. "No." replied the egotistical chap; "not when anylsitly except myself slugs tir whistles them." Chicago News He (kit lllnue'f Awajr, Mystery Holvad, lie -A scientist says the older a man grows tho simmer ins uuim u-comes. Hlu-That explains It. IIh -Explains what? Hhi. Whv mi old man knows so lit tle and n young limn knows so much. Promotion, I'lrst Clerk 1 was promoted to tint position of floorwalker lt night Hevond Clerk What are you giv ng tue? Klrst Clerk Pacta. And the llttlo fellow weighs Just nine pounds. Ill Aftar Yrara. "Before our marriage," she pouted, "you used to speak of my lovely golden tresses, but now you call mo rcd-bentlcd." "My tlenr." rejoined thti iiinu who had promised to love, honor and pay th freight, "love Is blind, but mar riage la a great rye-opened. Why, before we were spliced 1 tins actually color blind." On Mlwlil Think Ho, "No," said tho man who hsd re cently made his fourth pilgrimage to the matrimonial ultar. "1 cau't any that marriage Is a failure." "Of course not." rejoined his bach elor friend. "With you It Is merely a habit." Not tlta Ileal Tliluu. Hhe -So your friend Jlnglvtou is a brain worker, Is hT He Not necessarily. lis writes words for popular songs. A (I rent ttulili l)oB. Illxton Why do yon lock your ivatrh dog III th house at night 7 Dixon Afraid aomrtmtly might steal Mm. In the Wood. Atlelle Clarence, don't you think yuu could overcome somewhat your fondness for your club) Clarence No, that would be Impos sible. I Inherit It from my mothers she was a club woman. MU3. E. V. VOUO.NOBA. Mrs. E. W. Voronoba, wife of the commandant of the maritime province dragoons, lias organized at her own expense a transport system for tho wounded. She has also Joined the Sisters of Mercy during the war. She has even signified her willingness to go to the front and serve in the lied Cross ranks. Her purse is always open to any demand having for Its object the promotion of deeds of mercy In connection with caring for wounded Bus slan soldiers. real struggle to do it, and there were so many things I wanted to do. I'm afraid I did It Just because It was my duty. But I received a greater bless ing than I gave." The cxnerienceof ono woman may bo a suggestion to other people, returning for Old Home Week. Theira, too, may be the blessing of Him who said, "In aamuch as ye have done It unto ono of the least of these, ye have done It unto me." Youth's Compnulon. Can'l Iy In Pennies. Ordinarily when a debtor appears before a long time creditor thero la no questioning of the United States coin In which the debt Is to be paid, but tho wide possibilities possessed by an arbi trary creditor In stipulating Just what coins and In what amounts he will re ceive payment are enough almost to discourage borrowing. You cau't force a mean creditor to take more than 25 cents' worth of nick ela or 25 cents' worth of coppor cents, if vou could get aa much aa $5 worth of old allver B-cent plccea of another generation, you cotild unload $5 on him, Just aa he would have to tako 5 worth of the allver 6-cent pieces and $5 -worth of the obsolete 20-cent pieces, which made so much trouble In tha lato '70s., But you can pay out ?10 In sliver dimes and silver quarters and silver half dollars. Tho trade dollar, of which thero are a fotv still coming into tho treasury of tho Unite il States for redemption, nro worth nothing while tho standnnl dollar Is an unlim ited legal tender, as is tho old "dollar of our dads," the llrst of which was coined in 17111 and tho Inst In 1HT3. Coins tlmt virtually liavo disappear ed from circulation are gold nnd $1 pieces, the trado dollar of silver, the nickel .l-cent piece, tho copper 2-cent piece, tho copper half cent, and sllvir '6 and n-cent pieces. fireal l''ieltl of Halt, The great Held of crystallized gait at Hnlton, Cal., lu the middle of the Colo rado desert, Is 'Jill feet below tho lovcl of the sea and Is more than a thou suud acres in extent Its surfaco Is aa whlto as snow, and when the sun is shining Its brilliance Is too dazzling fot the eyo. Tho field Is constantly sup piled by the many salt springs in the adjacent foothills. When a woman puts on a black silk dress she hasn't worn In months. somehow It doesn't crento the sensation she expected; It Is full of creases, and down t burg right Kind Old Gentleman (to beggar) Too bud! too bad I How long have you 'joen deaf and dumb? Beggar (absently) About three rears, sir. One Comfort. The poor man's got soma things Ills way. Altlio' the world may chaff He don't have folks to dodge each day Tlmt want bis photograph. Pittsburg Post. Knar Money. Strlngem I'll bet you 10 that I can kick higher than the celling. Nibbles I'll take that bet Strlngem And I'll take the money. The celling can't kick at all. Bee What Ha Kequlred. "Give me a theme," aald (he poet with the unbarbered hair, "aud I will do my part" "In order to do your part," rejoined his matter-of-fact friend, "alt you need la a comb." How to Do It. Strlngem Bay, do you want to gtt next to a acbeme for making money fast? Nibbles Sure, I do. Strlngem Glue It to the floor. Keeping a Secret. Patience Sba'a getting a divorce. Patrice la that a fact? "It la Indeed; but aha'a keeping It a secret." "How do you luiowr" The girls at tha cooking school told roe so to-day." Yonkers States man. As Others Ba Us. Orcen Hear ubout lllfklns? lliown No; what about him? Green He married hla cook laat week, Brown That's Just .like Blfklns He'd rather light than eat to give a daughter. Prudence. Bumps Why Is It that you won't lend me (5, and yet nro willing to tut me have a hundred.? Mumps Because. If I give you tho hundred you'll remember that you owe It to me, and there'll be some prospect of getting It back. Nat Practical. 'Mrs. Grtttim Is going stocking shower for her That's practical. Isn't It V" "No." "Why not?" "Ilcfiitisi' after a shower thcrn Is no use for tho hose." Cleveland nam Dealer. Must lie u I'un. Hykt-r Mother Knrlli Is careful to hide her richest gems friiui humnii eyes. Piker Oh, I tlon t know, vou seo her baseball diamonds everywhere. l'onr Conantullmi, 'Madam," exclaimed Snplelgh, lis n lady seated herself In n chair lu which Ills new silk hat rested, "you hnvo destroyed $10 fur me." "Serves you right, she replied lis she stood up nnd surveyed the wreck, "You had no business to blow In ID for a hat to cover a lOcent head." Hie ICsptniuitlnii. "Why didn't you answer when I called you up over the telephone tho other day?" said tho angry Blllvlllo matron. "My dear,'.' replied the 'old man, apologetically, "there Is a standing notice over the telephone not to uso it when you hear thunder!" Atlanta Constitution. A Hllp or tho Tongue. The narrator was growing excited aa he entered upon tho description of the shipwreck. "It was a fearful moment, gentle men. We saw that we wero lost Tho life boats had beeu ataved in, and there waa no way to escapo from tho doomed vessel. Forward upon tho bridge stood our noble, captain, trim to his trust to tho last, while aft were crowded those of us who still remained alive after that fearful night. "Nover shall I forget the Inst, awful moment as tho vessel sank. My eyes, wero fixed on tho mizzcumlist where some one had bound n beautiful young girl, tho belle of tho ship, with whom, not twenty-four hours previously, I had been conversing gnyly. And as tho ship went down, alio waa borne with It Into that see tiling gulf, helpless, doomed 'mashed to the last' " Just Ho. "In aome respects rats are much wUer than human beings. They " lteally he did not look It; hut then, you know, you can nover tell when aomo people nro loaded. " always gnaw a good thing when they seo it" Wom an's Home Compnulon,