TOPICS OF THE TIMES.
A CHOICC SELECTION OF INTER.
ESTINQ ITEM8.
Comment! and CrltlcUmlIied Dpon
the Happening of the Dajr Ulatorl
rul nud New Note.
Tho good mnn who goes wrong U a
bid man Just found out
Tooplo who look over the affairs of
other nro very apt to overlook their
own.
Vonciueln will have a rough road to
travel, oven If sho doc pavo It with
tolcn asphalt
Any young man who can save up
money during his engagement can af
ford to marry.
Hall Calnc's forthcoming novel Is
declared to he an Improvement on his
' revlous work. It Is Bhorter.
Tho woman who horsewhipped her
4-year-old son because he forgot to
ay his prayers Is past praying for.
When It comes to paying damages
for the wrongful seizure of ships Rus
sia's little picnic In the ltcd Sea Is like
ly to lose Its entertaining aspect
In addition to Its large circulation of
wild beasts of prey, Illinium's circus
now has a chaplain to conduct tho
praying. And why not Congress has
chaplains.
What explanation has Secretary
Shaw to offer for the fact thnt the
price of radium has dropped nearly a
million dollars a pound during the past
few months?
An applicant for the position of po
lice matron In New York was asked
the question, "What position of author
ity have you held?" To which she gave
the prompt reply, "Authority over my
husband."
Young Mr. Tiffany complains that
he cannot live on the $18,000 a year
be draws from his father's estate. For
$1,000 of it he could hire some good
man to show him bow to save money
on $17,000 a year.
A Japanese Infantryman's "kit" Is
aid to weigh fifty pounds. It Includes
the rifle, a pair of boots, blanket over
coat water-bottle, two days' emergen
cy ration and a tooth-brush. The
tooth-brush Is the lightest article In
the lot yet It adds considerable weight
to the soldier's character and reputa
tion. There Is no gainsaying the fact that
tho Japanese are a progressive people,
and very clever imitators of their Cau
casian teachers. The recent report
that they have swelled heads and dis
like the whites Is not difficult to be
lieve, since It Is well known that they
have long held as their exemplars the
whites who have swelled heads and
dislike the other races. They have the
reputation of being vary apt pupils.
Dr. Menchnlkoff has declared that
a diet of curdled milk makes tor lon
gevity. iow some one has discovered
that an eighteenth century knitter In
Nottinghamshire, who lived to be 03
years old, subsisted entirely on cur
dled milk. On this point It would be
Interesting to learn the age attained
by Miss Muffct the most famous eater
of curds and whey. At the time of
the spider episode she was quite
young, and her subsequent history Is
shrouded In darkness.
Here Is a curious Illustration of prac
tical results In modern life derived di
rectly from n study of the classics. It
was presented to the National Confer
ence of Charities and Corrections In
the paper by Z. B. Brockway, who
made Elmlra Reformatory what It Is.
Mr. Brockway told his bearers that he
found the plan and Inspiration for bis
work In Tlato's dialogue, 'The Laws,"
In which Is suggested the establish
ment of three kinds of prisons one a
house of reception for common offend
ers; one to be known as the house of
Improvement; and the third, remote
from the habitations of men, for lncor
rlglbles. "How strange It Is," said Mr.
Brockway, "that such civic wisdom as
this should have been allowed to sleep
so long In classic archives, and even
now should be eldom applied!"
Cleanliness and cheerfulness, sun
shine and fresh air four Inveterate
foes of disease appear to have won a
notable victory at tho Louisiana State
Home for Lepers. A boy who had for
four years been a leper and for a year
and a half an Inmate of the home, ap
parently on the road to the grave, has
been discharged cleansed of the dis
ease. His skin has again become white
and his sores have healed. Several
other Inmates are said to be almost
ready for discharge, and others Im
proving. Tbo cure Is attributed not to
any new medicine or burglcal work,
but to the four elements of wholesome
living, cleanliness, cheerfulness, sun
shine and air. It Is said to be the first
recorded scientific cure. There are
about COO lepers In Louisiana, less than
BO of whom were sheltered nt the re
treat. Slnco the cure, however, 30O
acres of the Indian Head plantation
have been bought, and a broad attempt
will be mado to stamp out the dis
ease. Applications have been received
from other Southern States and from
foreign countries for admission to the
home.
Not many years ago church music
was entirely vocal music. Tho organ
was considered lmn)oral and the piano
an assistant t the devil. In fact that
sort of thing Is still an Issue In some
parts of tho country, and 6omo very
good people do not feel that religion
should be sugar-coated. But the church,
llkp everything else, Is progressing. A
good many things that gave up an odor
of brimstone years ago have been dis
covered, on serious Investigation, to bo
harmless and very pleasant. At Orange,
N. J., H was claimed that the averago
husband's excuse for not attending
church was that ho bad to take care
of baby, In order that his wife might
attend worship In n proper frame of
mind. Tho excuse will iio longer bo
accepted, for one church has fitted up
a nursery, with blocks, rattles, picture
books and all tbo things that appeal to
baby, and little folks will bo well cared
for while their parents arc listening to
tho sermon. In New York a fashion
able preacher Invited the men to be
comfortable, and sanctioned the wear
ing of shirt waists In church. Nobody
was shocked at the Innovation, aud the
sequel was found In Increased attend
ance. In Jersey City a wide-awake
church worker, who had seen pure wa
ter passed around In a theater, seltcd
nn the Idea, and now cool lemonade is
'.... I. ..... . ,... ,l.t,.. tt'lilt.t npn.v
person intending church Is supplied
with a fan at the door. No, there Is
nothing scandalous at all about thoso
things. Tho world is coming to Its
senses, that's all
Wherever the cltliens of a clvlllicd
country may go, the protecting power
of the government goes with them. In
a real sense the llritlsh, the German,
the French flag, to say nothing of the
others, tiles over the llritlsh, the Ger
man or the French cltiten, no matter
how far from home he may be, and
all Uio power of the government, civil
and military, is at his call In case of
need. Chinese outlaws, a few years
ago. murdered one or two German
missionaries. Warships were nt once
sent to tho i:ast to Insist on the pun
ishment of the murderers and to de
mand such an Indemnity from China
that Its officers would consider It wise
to show greater respect for Germans
In the future. Many little wars have
been fought by the llritlsh to Impress
on sc-uilsnvage tribes the fact that
they may not with Impunity maltreat
any llriton. Only recently a llritlsh
ship was sent to Tangier to co-operate
with the American ships in persuad
ing the Sultan of Morocco that he
must not only rescue the American
and the Englishman who had been
captured by brigands, but that he
must exercise greater care In the pro
tection of all Englishmen aud Ameri
cans living in his domains. Every for
eigner In a strange land Is figurative
ly wrapped In the flag of his own
country, and assault upon him Is as
sault on that nag. Of course every
man Is amenable to the laws of the
country In which he may be living,
but those laws must be administered
Justly. The Ideal before the depart
ment of foreign relations in each coun
try Is that Illustrated In the case of
St. Paul when he asked the centurion
who was preparing to scourgo him.
"Is It lawful for you to scourgo a
man that Is a ltoman, and uncon
demned?" When-a man says that he
Is nti American, an Englishman, a
Frenchman, a German, an Italian, or
a citizen of any other country. It Is
Implied that the simple announcement
Is enough to Induce the officers of
whatever country to see that nothing
unlawful Is done to him.
FEAR THE "SEVEN WHISTLERS.'
Superstition Which Has dinted Man;
Mining Striken In Uuuland.
In some parts of England peculiar
whistling or yelping noises are heard In
the air after dusk and early in the
morning before daylight during the
winter months. Sometimes, however,
the noise Is described as beautiful
sounds like music, high up In the air,
which gradually die away. The gen
eral belief is that the "seven whis
tlers," as they are called, are the fore
tellers of bad luck, disaster or death
to some one In the locality. It Is a
very ancient superstition. Both swifts
and plovers have been suggested as the
whistlers. It may be noted that
plovers are traditionally supposed to
contain the souls of those who assisted
at the crucifixion, and In consequence
were doomed to float In the air for
ever. Iteally the "whistlers" are widg
eon, or teal, as they fit from their feed
ing grounds, a passage always made
under cover of darkness. In Shrop
shire the sound Is described as re
sembling many larks singing, and
the folklore of both Shropshire
and Worcestershire says: "There
are seven birds, and the six fly about
continually together, looking for the
seventh, and when they find him the
world will come to an end."
Everywhere, without exception, the
"seven whistlers" are believed to pres
age 111, but tho superstition seems to
be more particularly a miner's notion.
If they hear the warning voice of the
"seven whistlers," birds sent, as they
say, by rroridencc to warn them of an
Impending danger, not a man will de
scend Into the pit until tho following
day. For example, In September, 1874,
the following paragraph went the
round of the papers: "On Monday
morning large numbers of the miners
employed nt the Bedworth collieries,
In North Warwickshire, giving way to
a superstition which has long prevail
ed among their class, refused to de
scend into the pits In which they are
employed. During Sunday night it was
stated that tho 'seven whistlers' had
been distinctly heard In the neighbor
hood of Bedworth. and the result was
that on the following morning many
of the men positively refused to de
scend Into the pits."
Morfa colliery, In South Wales, Is
notorious for Its uncanny traditions.
The "seven whistlers" were heard
there before a great explosion In the
'UOs, and before another In 181K), when
nearly n hundred miners wero entomb
ed. In December, 16D.", It was said
that they had been heard yet again,
whereupon the men struck work and
could not be Induced to resume It until
the government Inspector made a close
examination of the workings and re
ported all safe. In July, 1002, another
instance of a colliery strike founded
upon the same superstition occurred In
England.
Brother and Hlstor.
Jack Ned proposed to Dolly last
week and she rotused him, but I notice
that ho goes to nuts her now ofteuer
than he did before.
Tom Yes, he told me yesterday that
he hasn't any foars of a broach of
promise suit there now. Somervlllo
Journal.
Hhrcwd (luwt
Mrs. Ascum What makes you
think she only paid $4.08 for her hat?
Mrs. Wise She's been telling every
body what a bargain It was for $10.
Philadelphia Tress.
Lady Luwkoii, Church Warden.
In England Lady Lawsou has been
appointed a church warden of Aspa
trla Church, In Cumberland,
1"
Opinions of
What Voting Men Aro Thinking About.
HAT the .voting men of to-day aro thinking
.ili.uit Is Indicated In nu Interesting manner by
he statistics of this year's graduating class at
Harvard. Law still lend the llt of intended
uvupatlons, 117 of the young men having cho
a It. but every year business cl.itins a growing
number of votaries, and this year 81 give them
W
mm.
sches to it. Next comes teaching,
though It Is suggested that quite possibly
follow tills occupation only temporarily.
engineering, wltli 3.' aspirants. Banking claim SS; post
graduate courses. 21; medicine, IS; mining. 13: electrical en
glneerlng, 13; architecture. IS: railroading. IS; Journalism.
11; the ministry, S: cotton and woolen
chemistry. 1: real estate. 3: diplomatic
musleal composition. I: Illustrating newspapers. 1. There
are 7S who are yet undecided as to tliclr occupation. No
doubt some of these belong to our rapidly growing leisure
class and will nver have nn occupation.
tore of this classification seems to the
be the comparatively small number choosing the mlnlstr.v
and medicine. Time was wheu these
near the top. But now they arc near
Is also observable that art and musical composition are
away below par, also. It seems to Americans "a great pity"
that any healthy young man should deliberately sit down
to write music. We doubt If, to most of us. It would be
any different if wo were positively assured that he would
compose as well as Beethoven. Wo should shake our heads
all the same and sigh, "He looks so strong, too. Our aver
age Ideal is a Caatt rather than a Beethoven. As for the
ology and medicine, both are painfully and heroically nltru-
Istlc. And It Is plain that what Interests
of us Is not so much In looking out for
out for ourselves. Wc are aiming In
tions, and aiming In it as Individuals.
only In pointing out the fact, leaving to
bility of elucidating the moral. I'lttsburg
The Lessons of Russia's experience.
HE Japanese have appropriated European sol
enee, European methods, anil European organ
IT
jjj I untlon. and they have shown a skill aud in
I li.itwn in flirt mini-mit-ln tloit wlili.li Id tunc
vel to all careful observers. It Is to be doubted
whether any European nation could havo con
ducted Its naval and military operations with
as great skill and as great success as
this war. It Is to bo hoped
carefully following the operations of the
take to heart the lessons that are being
In the Crimean War we blundered. If
we blundered the otiier day in South Africa; but wo re
fused to take to heart the lessons of our blunders, hugging
ourselves In tho hope that somehow or other we should
muddle through. Franco was equally unprepared In 1870.
Unfortunately for her, she had a more formidable army
to deal with than we had either In the Crimea or In South
Africa, and she suffered accordingly. Now Russia Is com
mitting the blunders we have committed so often, nnd
Russia Is suffering In her turn. It Is possible that the
people of this country will refuse to take to heart all these
lessons, and will go on In the bad old way until they come
Into conflict some day with an enemy who will not be
dealt with so easily as the Russians In the Crimea or the
Boers In the Transvaal? If wo do not
takes of the Russians, and the splendid efficiency of the
Japanese, we shall some day suffer disaster. The Loudon
Statist
The Man with the Diploma.
HE young man steps down from the platform
with his itlnlnma tn hl.s hnnil. nrnml nf his
P scholastic achievements, a
I .....I ....... nf I. la
vibrant with the emotion caused by the pres
ence of the one girl, or the possession of a note
or a gift or a bouquet. The world looks In
viting as a field of endeavor. Proportions nre somewhat
distorted, and the young man feels larger toward the rest
of humanity than perhaps he ever has before or ever will
again.
. Later will come disillusionment, n readjusted sense of
I ACORN MEAL I
By Indian meal Is commonly under
stood meal made of maize, or Indian
corn: but In some parts of the country
a more primitive meal was made from
acorns. Galen Clark, in his book on
the "Indians of the Yosemlto," de
scribes in full the food supply of the
native tribe. That portion of their
rations which may be classed as bread
stuffs consists of acorns, obtained from
tbo black oak, so beautiful and so
abundant In tho Yosemlto Valley.
Tho acorns are gathered In the fall,
when they nre ripe, and arc preserved
for future use in the old-stylo Indian
cache, or storehouse. This consists of
a structure which tho Indians call a
chuck-ah. It Is a largo receptacle of
basket shape, made of long willow
sprouts closely woven together.
It Is usually about six feet high and
three feet In diameter. It Is tet upon
stout posts about three feet high, and
supported In position by four longer
potts on tho outside, reaching to the
top and there bound firmly together
to keep them from spreading. The out
side of the basket is thatched with
Miiall pine branches, laid point down
ward, to shed the ruin nnd snow, and
to protect the contents from tho depre
dations of squirrels nnd woodpeckers.
When the baskets nre full tho top Is
also securely covered with bark, as a
protection from the winter storms.
When the acorns nro wanted for use
a small hole Is made at tho bottom of
the chuck-ah, aud they aro taken out
us required.
The acorns nre bitter, nnd nro not
eaten In their natural condition, but
havo to bo elaborately prepared and
cooked to ninko them piilatablo. first
tho hull Is cracked and removed nnd
tho kernel pounded or ground to ti line
meal. In the yosemlto Viilley thls was
done by grinding with stono pestles In
stone mortars, worn by long usage. In
Inrgo Hat-top granite rocks, one of
which was near every Indian camp.
Lower down In tho foot-hills, where
there nre no suitable largo rocks for
these permanent mortars, tho Indians
used Blnglo portable stono mortnrs for
this purpose.
After tho acorn nro ground to a fine
meal tho next process Is to tnko out
tho bitter tnnnln principle. This Is
done In the following manner: The
Indians make large, shallow basin In
clean-washed sand, In which aro laid
a few flat, fan-like cuds of flr branch
Great Papers on Important Subjects.
proportion, a sharp
with 7.i disciples
some of these wll
Then comes civil
ity comes when ho
end, but a means.
manufacturing, 8:
service, 3; art, 1;
ory, broadened his
his mind, Is headed
Tho notable fen
teacher, wherein
an asset In the
Boston Herald to
chances are few and
two professions stood
ing. The voice of
the bottom. And It
success, with the
before. Washington
the vast majority
others as in looking
ANIU,
this direction as na
ever
that
Wo are concerned
others the responsi
Press.
dismal
quate provision for
of an Impending
Japan has done In
that our people are
hers Into tho water
Japanese, and will
offered to them
possible worse than
session of his senses
less. For the loss
themselves llablo to
inevitable. Chicago
learn from the mis
VEN' tills
Inll tlifit
much.
gaycty
power to provide
el nnd amusement
of tho majority is
little Hushed by the
f.. n.l t-n,,.l. .....1
PJ
J
more Is It necessary then, for the man to bring variety aud
a cheerful activity and liveliness Into his house. Tin) fact
that the routine of
him for being glum nnd silent at his evening meal. And
too much of tho quietness In the world Is but tho luiblt
of a listless and brooding selfishness. It would be wanton
to make these exposures and not offer a remedy. Here Is
a suggestion for the
Atlantic Monthly.
es. A fire is then made near by, and
small stones are heated, with which
water is warmed. Tills Is mixed with
the acorn meal until the mass Ins the
consistency of thin gruel. This mix
ture Is poured Into the sand basins,
and as the water runs out it takes with
It the bitter quality. The water Is re
newed until all tho bitter taste Is
washed out from the meal.
Then the meal It put Into cooking
basket, thlunisl down with hot water
to the desired condition, and cooked
by means of hot stones, which nre held
In It by two sticks for tongs. While
the mush Is cooking It Is stirred with
a stick made of a tough oak sprout
doubled so as to form a round, open
loop nt one end.
When the dough Is well cooked It Is
either left in tho baskets or Is scooped
out In rolls and put Into cold water to
cool and harden.
Sometimes the thick paste Is made
Into cakes and baked on hot rocks. One
of those cakes, when rolled In paper,
will In a short tlmo saturate the paper
with oil.
This acorn food Is probably as nutri
tious as that made from 'any of the
cereals.
BISMARCK'S STRATCCV.
Bismarck was not only jx statesman,
able to handle abstract theories of gov
ernment, but a shrewd player of tho
lesser games of life. Some years ngo
an anonymous writer contributed to
the New Review this story of tho Iron
Chancellor's very human cleverness.
When he represented Prusslu ut tho
Diet of Frankfort In 1800, he hnd rea
son to suspect thnt his letters and dis
patches wero tampered with by tho
Austrliins. Other diplomats suffered
from the same meddling.
Olio day, after n stormy meeting,
Bismarck and tho representative from
Hnnover walked nwny together, nnd
na they walked the Hanovarlan touch
ed on the soro subject, and asked Bis
marck If ho had found a way to get
his letters through.
"You shull know presently," an
swered Bismarck,
Tho prince, as tho two strolled along,
led tho way through dingy by-paths
Into n slum. Drawing on a thick pnlr
of gloves, ho entered a llttlo shop
where tho poor bought tea, cheese,
pickles, lamp oil and such commodi
ties. Tho astonished Hanovnrinn fol
lowed. "l!oy,"caIk'd Bismarck to tho stupid-
nwiikenlng to tho fact that college
gained knowledge Is not all that Is needed In the tight. In
tho shops, In the stores, 111 the offices, everywhere that men
aro active In the process of making money, tho question Is
always asked. "What can you do?" not, "What do you
know?" Mere Information dwindles when measured with
experience. But the young mini who has absorbed much
Information, If of the right sort, Is certain the nuire
pilckly to gain experience. And the great test of his quul
discovers that his book lore Is nut an
The college graduate who lucks adaptability, who does
not know how to apply bis academic acquirements to the
concrete affairs of life, who falls to sec that his Latin or
his mathematics or his history or his scientific studies
have served their best purposes If he be not a specialist
wheu they have sharpened his wits, strengthened his mem
view, mellowed his Judgment and tralue
for failure. He may llnd a niche as
he can exercise his acquired knowledge as
business of making it living. But the
the rewards of that railing not allur
business cutis to most of the young men
who nro Just now stepping down with diplomas In their
hands. In that direction lie the larger rewards, the surer
fewer sacrifices.
The world has only pity for the graduate, who thinks
he can open the oyster with his diploma, but It applauds
the man who puts his certificate carefully away and then
rolls up his sleeves to tackle the first Job that comes to his
hands, determined to do it better than It was ever done
Star.
Panics.
Inspired by ungovernable fright, Is an
present element In n great disaster like
of the General Slooum. It Is lnqiosslblo
to eliminate this source of calamity. Especial
ly where largo numbers of women and chil
dren are Involved Is panic witnessed In Its most
consequences. Had the vessel hud ndc-
the safe removal of every soul Inside of
fifteen minutes, there would still doubtless havo been nn
appalllug loss of life, due to no other reason than that
strange dehumanizing effect which the sudden appearance
calamity exercises on the human mind
It is difficult to estimate how large a part of the casualties
were due to the stampedo and crush which tore away por
Hons of tho railing aud deck, thus preclpltntlug large mini
without even tho chance to try to
obtain life preservers. It Is safe to say that sevoral nun
dred who might otherwise have lived perished as n direct
result of the panic.
Had every person on board remained In the full pas
the loss of life would- have been far
thus occasioned nobody can bo held ae
countable. Nor against tho repetition of such losses can
the most stringent precaution of tho future prevail Wher
ever people congregate In large numbers they will place
panic.
Given a crowd, especially of women nnd children, n
sudden desperate fear, especially tire panic, aud a panic l
Tribune.
Tho Quiet Man.
linilllestlnncd dninestlrltv mnv not lie
fl I so comprehensive n virtue. To support some
H lone besides himself In decency nnd honor Is not
n nt ,t,nnlil .Irk. Ia .In tl. I. It I.
He should feel the obligation to bring
Into the lives of those whom he loves.
It is possible for some men by sheer earning
their families with opportunities for trav
and adventure. But the earning power
limited In these matters; and all the
the day has been dull does not excuse
quiet man: "Learn to make a noise."
looking Ind behind tho counter, "do
you sell soap?"
"Yes, sir," replied the boy, putting
before Bismarck a variety of strong'
scented cakes.
"How much Is this? And this?"
said tho diplomatist, handling one cako
after another.
While the soap selected was being
wrapped up Blsiunrck thrust his hnnd
Into lils pocket nnd drew out nn un
enclosed letter. He gnve nn exclama
tion as of dismay nnd surprise. Ap
parently nnnoyed at his forgetfulness,
he cried, "Boy, do you sell envel
opes ?"
Envelopes of n cheap grade wero
produced, mid Bismnrck put tho letter
In one. Then he usked for pen nnd
Ink, nnd set out to write the nddrcss,
but his heavy glove hindered him.
"Here, boy," he exclaimed, throwing
down tho pen, "Just write this nddrcss
for me!"
When tho scrawl wns finished, Bis
marck took tho letter nnd left tho
shop.
"There," ho said, putting tho letter
to his companion's nose, "what with
the soap, the herring, tho candles and
tho cheese, I don't think they'll smell
my despatch under that writing."
Youth's Companion.
KffitcliiK Tattoo Marks.
Many persons who deslro to get rid
of Indian-Ink marks on tho skin will
be Interested In tho method recom
mended by n correspondent In n con
temporary. Ho snys, "After mnklng
the site of operation aseptic, re-tnttoo
the part with needles, secundum nr
ten), using tho following solution:
Chloride of zinc, thirty grammes; ster
ilized wnter, forty grammes. At the
time of operation the tattooing In
comes rather pnle, nnd tho needle
pricks appenr surrounded with white.
At the bonier of tho dittoed surfuco n
raised white edge forms, caused by tho
raising of tho epidermis, nnd the
neighboring purts becomo slightly red
dened. This, however, soon dlsnp
pears, and with proper attention to
cleanliness there Is no Intense reaction.
In n dny or two after tho operation
the tattooing becomes darker, tho
whlto nroln bccomcstyellowlsh, nnd n
crusty, superflclnl eschar forms, which
separates on tho fifth to tho tenth duy.
It Is not In nny way painful, nnd the
results remote, us well as immediate,
nre excellent."
A child soon learns that Its mother
has a positive genius for sarcasm
when sho talks about tho klu ou Its
father's side.
SU1T0SU WIS SMILE.
HUMOriOUO PARAGRAPHS FflOM
THE COMIC PAPCH3.
IMrnsnnt Incidents Occurring ths
World ci Hajrlima that AreChret'
ful to Old or Yoimir-l'iiiiiiy HeUc
tlimn that IJwrjbodjr Will Knjojr.
"1 always enjoy rending tho papers,"
aid Senator Depew.
"You do?" nsltcd the friend.
"Yes; It gives me the opportunity of
hearing for the first time the joktrt 1
told the night before."
Modem Hlyl.
"But. my dwir," protested the young
husband, "you promised after our lunr
rlnge you would seldom Visit tho drt.
maker."
"And I have kepi my word," replied
tile .lining wife. "Only old-fashioned
people go to dressmakers. 1 visit ladles'
tailors."
Ilspcrt Opinion,
"But, pip.i." protested (llfldys, "I
nm not n bit too young to marry. You
know perfectly well thnt you married
miiinma vthen she was IS, mid I am n
vthulc year older thsn that."
"I know, but I never thought much
of your Mother judgment In that re
spect."
Cruel of Hint,
"Now, Just look at these miniature
biscuits I linked," said the egotistical
wife. "They are dainty llttlo tablets.
"Yes," spoke the brutu husband.
"dyspepsia tablets."
Hnmnirr (llrl.
Ermle (ilndys tells every man she
tlirts with he Is the apple of her eye.
Eva Crnrlou! Hho limit bo cultl
vattug an orchard.
A Ilolltilfnl Compliment,
He You are Just im sweet as you
can be.
She I don't think that much of a
compliment. You see, It nil ibiieiidi
upon how sweet you aiipos I am
capable of being. Town Topics.
The l.loiTl.
Tired Tatters -III paper tells cr
boutn feller wot died fruiii ciinuL
Weary Walker -Wot' dat?
Tired Tatters If dc feollti' wol
comes to a man when hn gits so laiy
dat lonlln's hard work. Chicago New.
Nn Ilanu'r.
Miss Playne I was almost frighten
til to death when he suddenly kissed
me.
Miss Dimple But you had no mil
cause for alarm. Joy never kills, you
know.
War Tlicr Have.
"Docs your club pay any attention
to parliamentary rule?" asked Wig
wagg
"Of course we don't" replied Mr
Wlgwaggs. "Wc didn't make them."
Then Ami Now.
'.Matches," remarked the sentimental
female, "are made In heaven."
'I'erhnp they were In former
years," rejoined the practical young
man, "but that must have bron before
tho match trust wn organlied."
I'ntent tn I'retent Ilaldneee.
III Private Opinion,
Mrs. Eupeck Here's a story about
a man who actually sold hi wife. Now
what do you think of that?
Eupeck Oh, there are some fools In
the world who will buy nny old thing.
Poor Cnnaolatlntl,
Ho I don't like your friend, Miss
Knox. She told an acquaintance of
mine thnt I was a perfect Idiot.
She Oh, I'm sure sho didn't meant
It. Hho knows na well as nneyone ele
thnt no human Is absolutely perfect.
Oettlnv at the Fact.
Doctor,' queried tho Inquisitive per
son, "do you believe that tho cigarette
hublt causes weak minds?"
"Not necessarily," replied tho M. D.
As a rule It merely Indicates them."
Aa Other Hce U.
Do you think this photograph does
mo Justice?" asked Miss Elderlelgh.
'I should say not," replied Miss
Youiigbud. "Why, It make you ap
pear ten years youuger than you really
are."
Important Bettlement,
The Friend Ho your engagement
with Count DeBroqtie Is a settled fact,
Is It?
Tho Heiress Not quite. Ho la now
preparing a schedule of bis debts for
pupa to settle.
Couldn't II o Worn,
Ethel Charlie Huplelgh Isn't quite
himself of late.
Frances Indeed I I hadn't noticed
any Improvement
Hated to Ito Disturbed,
Thnt Is tho Inxleit boy I ever mot."
"Why so?"
"Well, l told him ho might walto up
some dny nnd llnd hltnsolf foiuou,"
"Wns ho pleased?"
"No, he snld ho hoped ho wouldn't
wftko up bofoio tho nlnrni clock w'ont
off."
More Than Lifelike.
DoAuber (showing portrait) What
do you think of It, old man?
Crltlcus tl's remnrknbly lifelike. Is
It it portrait of ionic friend of your?
IH-Aubet Yes, It Muggby. I
thought J on knew hint
Crltlcu Know Muggshy7 Why, of
course 1 know him. I've known him
Intimately for more than twenty yeiir.
KriKiiu Why,
"But you Americans," protested tho
Englishman. "Iiave no uucestort tu
whom you can point with pride-."
"Well, that Is our nilsforliinu rather
than our fault," replied the American
girl. "Most of our imeestors came from
England, you know."
PrnrtU'iil llrioon.lriillml,
"Oh, how could you!" exclaimed the
fair urn lil. who hnd been kissed iinni
poctedly. "It will afford mo pleasure to show
you," calmly replied tho nudnclou
young mnn.
Whereupon hn proi'iisled more slow
ly. ir.uui Vcidict.
Little Willie Hny, pa, wlmt raco do
we belong to -civilised or lutlf-clvtl-Ucd?
Pa Civilised, my son; but our next
door neighbor aro only hnlf-clvlllted.
HluM Intrri nptlon,
He kissed her once, lie klied lirr twice,
He nil (lie littppletl of nil men;
No doubt ha would have Mcd her
llirlco
But lier pups en me In Jtut then.
HiiiiiiTiTiTTnTin oir.
New pop -I have nu iiiiusuully smart
llttlo boy.
Nngsby Yes, so I'vo been told.
Newpop (flattered) All, who told
you?"
Nngsby- You did a moment ngo.
IIU ClniUa,
Plodding Pete Lew, of yomo WIU a
machine, wot kind would yoiue ruther
lie?
I.nty Lew One uv dom perpetual
motion machine.
Plodding Pete - 'oi why?
Liny !. --Cm dry never work.
Didn't Mind It.
Katnn Thoso men over there don't
seem to mind the beat nt nil. Who nru
they?
The Janitor They used to bo Turk
ish bath attendant..
Proper Dclliiltlon,
Uttle Willie Say, pa. what 1 tho
meaning of premonition?
Pn If something that alls people
who sny 'I told you so," my son.
Tno of u Klntl,
"Yes," said tho young drug clerk
who hnd been trailing In double liar-
no for nearly two weeks; "I've got n
bons wife."
'Weil, you hnvn my sympathy." re
joined tiie man who had come In to
buy a Iwttle of hnlr restorer; "I've got
thnt kind of a wife, too."
Old, Old Hlnrle.
"I your husband fond of fiction?"
asked tho literary woman.
"Yes, Indeed," ri-plled Mr, dayboy,
HI favorite 1 the 'dctalucd-at-tho-
Allien' narrative, with tho 'slck-frleud'
story a close second."
IIU I.nnrl I-'IIkIiI.
"Oh, fly with ine," the young mnn cried,
"Where fund hearts oft have flown."
But her papa chanced to lienr him, nnd
Well, the yuung man Hew alone,
Ju.t for n llluir.
Him Would you scream If I at
tempted to kiss you?
Her Indeed I would If anyons
happened to bo looking at the time.
Win Vminir Alan.
Elvira And did he kiss you befor
our chaperon?
Marcla Oh. no. Ho was wis
enough to kiss her first.
Wlmt Did lie Mean?
Wife But doesn't It cost an awful
lot of money to send mo to tho sen
shore for three months every summer?
Husband Oh, yes, of course. Mon
ey I certainly a great blessing,
Neceasurjr Evil,
Miss Verjuice What n shamo It Is
how the men deceive us poor women.
Miss Dluchoso They would never
get n woman to marry them unless
they did, my dear. Philadelphia Bulle
tin. Argummit Agnluat War.
Peaco leiigites and societies for Iho
prevention of war may bo nblo to uso
an argument which Current Literature
says was advanced by n pupil In a
primary school In tho Southwest.
At the beginning of Hie war with
Hpnlu tho teacher told the clnss some
thing about the clrcuinstnnces, mid
nsked nil who favored tho wnr to hold
up their hands. Up went every hand
but Jack's.
"Well, Jack, why aro you opposed
to tho wnr?" asked tho toucher.
'"Cause, Miss Sophie, wur makes
history, an' there's nioro now'n I can
ever learn,"
livudlnu the Point,
'And now that I havo allowed vnn in
kiss me," said tho beautiful girl, "I
trust thnt to-morrow von will tin.nL- i
papa about my hnnd,"
"About vour haiidl" echoed 11. n
young man, Innocently. "Ah, then you
hcwi a pair or gloves?
Of course your own bnby Is all right.
but that of your neighbor Is a cryluir
rhains.