Bohemia Nugget
t.KIS W. IIKNUV, Udltnr and rrop'r.
' OOTTACE GROVE. .. .OREGON.
Good pvcnlimt have von invented a
now breakfast f(kMl to-day?
Count Until do Custollnno linn an
ovorcont Which cost $11,000. Tho
lirlce of tils now cornets Is not named.
flccretnry Wyndhnm Is predicting nn
end of tbo Irish row. Tho Secretary
evidently needs a rest. Ills mind seems
nffcctcil.
Blxty-fonr divorce) woro granted In
Now York In ono day recently, nnd a
whole lot of people were left uusntls
fled oven then.
Sir Henry Irving cables tliat ho will
come, ngnln next year, no too, it
scouts, g ono of tlioso who never can
get quite enough.
Tho other day n practical Joker fas
toned a crnli to a niulo's tall, and was
kicked to death In Just alsnit two sec
onds. Kindly omit flower)).
It has been found that antitoxin will
euro rattlesnake bites. It Isn't likely,
however, that the new cure will make
much headway In Kentucky.
A preacher mays tho Ten Command'
ments aro out of date nnd not nppllca'
Me to present day life. Still, there nro
three or four of them that we had bet
ter stick to just to be on tho safe side.
Politicians south of tho equator are
again talking about tho United States
of South America. As a preliminary,
the union of Chill and tho Argcutlne
llepubllc was seriously proposed by the
commander of tho Chilian army at a
dinner In Santiago last month.
Andrew Carueglo has asked the
Workmen's National Housing Council
of London to tell him how Ave or ten
million, dollars can advantageously be
spent In building model dwellings for
the poor. lie seems to have concluded
with Gen. Ilooth of the Snlvatlou Army
that a man who Is poorly housed nnd
Inadequately fed will seldom aspire to
higher tilings.
Literary Paris Is Interested Just now
In the achievements of a little girl who,
although only ten years of age. Is raid
to "have written seven plays, five nor
els and n volume of poems." Such In
fant prodigies are happily rare; but It
Is always possible to gather an audi
ence curious. If uot admiring for nny
one who attempts to portray experi
ences she has not undergone and emo
tions she cannot comprehend. Doctor
Johnson suggested the explanation
when speaking of another kind of per
formance. "It U not douo well," said
he; "but you are surprised to find It
done at all."
Hazing Is always cowardly, because
the victim Is. overpowered by numbers
and taken at disadvantage when he has
no chance of resistance. It Is utterly
lawless and brutal because It violates
the sanctity of the victim's person and
subjects him to gross Indignity, to
which no man willingly submits so long
as he has any cbauce of resistance.
I'rom whatever standpoint It Is viewed
hazing Is detestable, and It Is particu
larly demoralizing lecause It rests for
defense upon the plea that the social
manners and habits of a young man at
college may properly be regulated by
various kinds of physical outrage and
Insult whose practice Is forbidden by
law.
A most curious and Interesting exper
iment recently took place at Aldershot,
In England. The guns and gun car
riages of a battery of artillery, having
been painted with daubs and streaks
of red, blue and yellow, were placed
In position on outlying hills, and artil
lery officers were sent out to locate
them. The odd style of painting made
the guns harmonize ro completely with
the background that at a distance of
three thousand yards they could not be
located even with Held glasses. The
ofllcers nil know In what direction the
guns lay, yet not one was able to point
them out. Some horse artillery sent
forward to engage the guns advanced
within one thousand yards before they
discovered the battery.
The uses of photography are con
stantly extending. A Western railroad
now uses It ub a substitute for written
reports on construction work. I'or ex
ample, tho progress of the work of
changing a grade crossing or building
a bridge Is photographed at stated per
iods, and the photographs are pre
served both as a record and as Illustra
tions of method. Pictures are also
taken of all the resources of the road
In tho way of material, and of every
mile of track, showing curves, grades,
switches and crossings. A complete set
of photographs Is used, too, to Illustrate
the book of rules which Is placed In the
hands of every railroad man. This en
ables the men to refresh their memor
ies by reference to tho view of any par
ticular point of the road, and makes
them more readily Interchangeable
from ono division to another. The book
of rules also contains photographs of
trains In more than one hundred com
binations of circumstances, and tho
text Informs the trainmen what to do
tu each case.
Although only about two years have
passed since tho Commonwealth of
Australia was founded, many discon
tented .Australasians aro urging tho
dissolution of tho union. Itobert Pbllp,
premier of Queensland, said recently
that not moro than ono-flfth of tho
'voters In his state favor tlio contlnu
nuco of tho federation, nnd that tho
voters lu the states of New South
Wales nnd Western Australia aro ns
hostile to tho union ns thoso In Queens
land. How fnr their dissatisfaction
will carry them no ono can say; but
tho crisis through which Australia Is
passing Is not without precedent In tho
Jlrjtlsh Umpire. Tho Canadian federa
tion, which was created by net of Par
liament only thlrty-flvo years ago, was
not a harmonious ono In Its earlier
stages. Hut ovontually tho dissatisfied
elements were nppeasod, and the union
of tho provinces In the Dominion ofljRONTIERItlDEKS.
umnun is nimost ns clone nnd ns
strong ns tho union of this gront re
public. It Is probable that the threats
of secession In Australia will have ns
little result ns did the similar threats
In Nova Bcotln, New ltrnnswlck nnd
ltrltlsh Columbia nt various periods In
tho history of tho Dominion." "The net
of Parliament ' which created n con
tuonwentth out of the separate Austm
linn state's did not provide for dlsso
lutlon. The importnnco of tho union
wns recognized the world over. After
n tlmo tho minor grievances will lie re
dressed nnd harmony will bo restored
Tho Judicial oraclo who classified
perjured witnesses as "liars, liars
and expert witnesses" was Justified re
cently In a New York courtroom. A
handwriting t-xpert wns tostlfylng.
"Is handwriting analysis nn exact
science?" queried the cross-examiner.
"In some cases It Is and In some cases
It Isn't," was the exact reply. Which
recalls the famous ruling by the pres
ident of a woman's club: "The chair
decides that sometimes this associa
tion Is bound by Its constitution nnd
sometimes It Isn't." "Is analysis of
handwriting Iwiscd on the law of prob
ability?" Inquired the cross-examiner.
"To n great extent, yes," answered the
expert. "Do you know nny other ex
net science that depends on the law of
proliablllty?" askcjl the cornering
cross-oxnmliier. "I don't know ' I
do," wns the candid reply. The ex
pert had made drawings of the char
acteristic letters In tho chlrogrnphy
under consideration, "Aro the Illustra
tions you have made there Intended
to be more or 1cm llko the originals?"
"More," confessed the expert The
expert admitted that ho could "draw
some" and had the ability to "enlarge
or contract the characteristics" of the
letters be was under oath literally to
reproduce. Tho cross-examination
closed with the expert's admission that
he was paid In the case to draw let
ters "differently from tho originals."
Expert testimony In relation to hand
writing will never bo worth tho time
It takes to present nnd expose it so
long ns the nlleged experts may bo
employed by the parties to a case In
stead of by the court alone as aids In
ascertaining truth. Even then hand
writing experts will be good for lit
tle. No human being capable of hold
ing n pen writes tho same word ex
actly the same way twice In a life
time unless bis pen fingers nro auto
matic The state of a man's temper.
the condition of his liver, the degree
of pressure exerted at the moment on
his time or attention, tho kind of pen,
of Ink, of pnper, affect tho writing
muscles. Honest men arc unable If
they write much, especially In a hur
ry, always to read their own chlrogrn
phy. How llttlo reliance must be
placed upon the Interested assevera
tions of others who profess to be able
not only to Identify cblrography un
der all circumstances but to be nble
to establish handwriting analysis as
an exact science, as If even a signa
ture Is always mathematically precise
nnd the perfect repllcn of every other
(signature by the same band. Court
anecdotage received n rich addition
when handwriting reading wns pro
nounced by one of Its professors "nn
exact science based on the law of
probability."
DEPTH OF OCfcAN CABLE8.
Interesting Information Regarding
Bubtnnrlne Terrltorj.
There seems to be no logical reason
why cables cannot bo laid across any
section of the oceans of the world, no
matter bow great the depth. Some
portions of the Atlantic cables are
over three miles below the surface,
and this Is uot necessarily the extreme
depth, for the cable may, and probably
does, pass from the top of one sub
marine bill to another without droop
ing materially Into the deep valleys be
tween. The greatest known dept of
the sea Is 40.230 feet, or seven and
three-Ufths miles, found In the South
iVtlantlc about midway between the
Island of Tristan d'Acunha and the
mouth of the Illo de la Plata,
Soundings have been made to the
depths of 27.480 feet In the North At
lantic south of Newfoundland, and
about 34,000 feet, or nearly six nnd
a half miles. Is reported south of the
Bermudas. Even such enormous
depths as these need not hinder cable
laying so far as the theory Is con
cerned, but In practice, for reasons of
economy and otherwise. It Is found
best to take advantage of favoring con
ditions In the ocean's bed. To Illus
trate, all of the cables between the
United States and Europe run up along
our coast until they reach the neigh
borhood of Newfoundland before start
ing across to their destinations In Ire
land and France. The reason for this
Is found In the range of submarine
table lands, forming an Ideal cable bed.
which lies between the three latter
countries.
In past years Immense portions of
this submerged territory havo been
plotted and mapped by various govern
mental and private expeditions and
this knowledge Is constantly being
added to. It becomes particularly val
uable In economic cable-laying. Ex
cept In extreme cases the electric con
ductor Is not dropped overboard hap
hazard. On tho contrary tho subma
rine mountains, valleys and plains over
which It Is to take Its sinuous course
are accurately selected beforehand and
their general configuration, soil cov
ering (If nny) and other peculiarities
properly taken Into consideration. Spe
cial varieties of cable nre manufac
tured to meet certain conditions known
to. exist where they are to go. I.Ike
men In all trades, the cablo layers
must ndhcro closely to the speclllcn
tlons given them in starting In order
to perform the right kind of work.
Tho steamship, therefore, while go
ing ahead and paying out the cable
over the stern pulley, Is under the
guidance of skilled hands, following
a certain path, which has been point
ed out for her by sages on the main
land as being the best adapted for tbo
comfort and case of tho electrical con
ductor Bho Is depositing. Llpplucott's
Magazine,
Domestic economy note: It Is Im
perative that parents give every child
a bauk that Is an Ingenious contriv
ance, In order that guests may be cu
rious to see bow It works.
PUT DOWN SMUGGLING
AND SMUGGLERS.
Pursuit of Lawbreakers Often At
tended with Great llanaer Mexico
nnd the United Hlnle Unite to Pun
till Himmulctr nnd Cattle 1 lilevea.
Opportunity has much to do with
smuggling. There Is no doubt that
thousands of ieople who would ordi
narily resent with deepest Indignation
tho Insinuation that they nre thieves,
are nothing more nor less when It
comes to dealings with Uncle Sam. It
has liovn snhl that the traveler return
ing from Europe who declares every-
MIX KAN UIU1CII AT TIA JL ANA.
thing dutiable which ho has In his
IMissesslon, either lu his trunks or on
his person. Is the exception rather
than the rule. There seems to be a
sort of fascination In smuggling which
tempts people when everything else
falls. It tins Just enough of danger
ntwut it to lend It zest nnd, if It .Is
successful, to give the occasional
THEY
'
ALONG THE MEXICAN UOHDEIL
smuggler something to boast about
among his friends for many moons.
Yet tho smuggler Is no less a swindler
than the person who forges the name
of another, nnd Is no less a thief than
the man who breaks Into your bouso
at night. The United States statutes
defines smuggling as Intent to defraud,
and fixes severe penalties. The smug
gler may be assessed a line of ?o,000.
or Imprisoned not more than two
years, or both; the goods ho tries to
enter may be confiscated; the vessel
they are brought in. If they come by
water, may bo seized nnd sold. If It
can be proven that the owner or cap
tain knows of or Is party to the offense;
any convcynnco In which goods nre
fraudulently brought In by land may
be seized, unless It Is a common carrier
BOnUEU CCSTOU HOUSE.
nnd It can be proven tbnt Its owner or
operator knew nothing of the offense;
the masters or owners of vessels may
bo lined If they hinder or obstruct the
customs olllcers In any way lu the
search for suspected goods.
Customs olllcers arc clothed with very
large powers. They may board and
search without warrant any vessel ly
ing lu port, and may search all trunks,
boxes, baggage, papers, envelopes, all
conveyances and means of transport,
stores, warehouses and other buildings
In which there Is any reason to believe
dutiable property Is stored. They may
even Inspect the bcoks and accounts of
merchants who are under suspicion of
receiving smuggled goods. The pro
ceeds of tho property discovered, con
demned and sold, go part to tho govern
ment and part to the principal customs
olllcers of the district, and part to tbo
Informer, If he happens to be a person
outside the government service.
The southwestern and northwestern
borders of tho United States aro good
fields for tho professional smuggler.
Krom tho north Chinamen aro helped
Into tho United Stutcs, In addition to
many articles of Canadian manufac
ture, besides large amounts of opium.
From the south many Mexican products
nre smuggled in, with such Jewels ns
opals nnd pearls. It Is to the men who,
with the rustlers, that run huge droves
of ealtlo ncross tho border, Infest the
Mexican frontier, that this artlclo re
lates. A Double Patrol.
Along the boundary lino between tho
United States California and tho Cal
ifornia of Mexico rides day and night
a double patrol, the ono In the employ
of the United States nnd tlio other In
the pay of the Mexican government.
These riders nro picturesque, lndlvld
ually and severally, hardy, skilled lu
horsemanship, marvelous In the accu
racy of their marksmanship, experts
with tho lasso. Inured tu hardship and
danger, fearless and often reckless In
their daring, n class unto themselves .
a class Interesting to meet and study.
The duties of these riders nre to pro
tect their respective governments from
Imposition nt the hands of that class of
unscrupulous men known as smugglers,
and to prevent cattle thieves from run.
nlng their Ill-gotten plunder across the
Inirdcr.
Krom the coast to the Colorado desert,
aliuig the boundary line between tho
two nations, the country Is rough In tho
extreme and very arid. It Is it region
sparsely nettled, nnd Rome of the tough
est characters of both nations hover In
the locality for tho double purpose of
breaking the laws of the country and
of thwarting the olllcers who may un
dertake their arrest by dodging across
the line, one way or another.
It Is this lawless element with which
the bonier riders have to do. Some of
these lawbreakers are tamo persons,
too cowardly to make trouble for the
riders If caught In their petty smug
gling of cigars, curios, smnll articles of
iimuufiicture mid the like, but thoso
who play for big stakes and engage In
the smuggling of Jewels nnd costly
goods In large quantities, braving se
vere penalties, nud the "rustlers," ns
the cattle thieves are termed these
men are dangerous customers, and the
riders take their lives In their hands
when they luterfero with their under
takings. The scats of customs for the two
countries at the coast end of tho line
nre at TIa Juaua. There are two Tla
Juanns. The American town. If town
It may be called, Is at the terminal of
tho National City and Otay railway.
Just at the boundary line. The Mexican
Tla Juana Is a couple of miles away.
This latter town consists of the Mexi
can custom bouse, n long, low, one
story wooden building, containing an
olllcc nbout sixteen feet square, fur
nished with a table, a desk, two or
three chairs and a gun rack with a doz
en stand of arms therein, a consultation
room or private olllce, and a long back
room with bunks for the accommoda
tion of tho riders when off duty; then
there U the little one-story shack which
serves as the homo of the customs otll
ccr who Is none other than Lieutenant
Governor Terrazas, of Lower Califor
nia; there nre tbo old ndobe church,
built nearly 160 years ago by the Jesuit
priests, three or four little stores and
shops and half a dozen dwellings this
Is the Mexican Tla Juana. Tho Amer
ican town of that name Is even smaller,
the llttlo box used as a custom house,
one or two dwellings and the depot of
the narrow gauge railroad being nil tho
buildings the town boasts.
Ulght here let me say that the Lieu
tenant Governor of Lower California Is
an Important personage In the eyes of
tho iieople nd In his own. Kcforo ho
will consent to talk with you through
an Interpreter, If you do not speak Span
ish you must remove your lint, be the
meeting Indoors or out. It Is an homage
which his exalted position entitles him
to, according to the custom of his coun
try, nnd he docs not intend that the of
fice shall loso prestige during his In
cumbency. The riders have somo strnngo experi
ences nnd not a few thrilling ones. Not
long ago a Mexican rider was passing
through a lonely canyon lu the night
time. Suddenly, without n single warn
lug to Indicate tho presence of an en
emy, there dropped over his shoulders n
cord, which wns swiftly drawn tight,
and then ho found himself flying
through the air. Ho bad been lassoed
In tho midst of darkness almost equal
to that of the tomb. He dropped to
tho earth with a thud that paralyzed
his senses for a moment, and when he
regained them ho was bound hand and
foot, Ilesldo hlin stood his horse he
could tell by Its breathing and nn occa
sional neigh, but there was no sign of
tho prcsenco of any other living being.
The man lay thcro a tlmo which
scorned like eternity, but which prob
ably was not over two or three hours;
then ho felt a hand laid upon him, n
knife severed tits bonds, thcro was n
swift rustle as of somo ono hastening
away, and he was again alone. He
arose and walked about a bit to take
tho stiffness from bis body, and then
be mounted his horso and rodo back to
tho end of his bent and notified tho rider
on tho other bent of what had happened.
Word was thus passed from beat to
beut till It reached headquarters, nnd
at daylight n posso wns on hand to In
vestigate. They found tho trail, tt
couple of miles timber on, t-t urure ot
cattle Where they had crossed the bor
der. Later there canto one with n story
of having been robbed of his stock. Ef
forts .were Hindu to trace tho cattle nnd
the thieves, but they were never dis
covered. Word came to tho American custom
house ono day that certain parties were
tiuiklng heavy purchases of Mexican
opals, nud that thu presumption wns
that they were for exiuirt to the United
States. A very careful description of
tho parties making tho purchase wns
appended to tho report nnd the olllcers
began watching for the appearance of
the persons described.
One day Individuals answering per
fectly to the description entered tho
custom house and stntcd Hint they
wished to pay duty on certain purchases
which they had made. They presented
n quantity ot opals nnd the duty was
appraised and duly paid. Ho far so good,
but the amount of gems presented for
Inspection was less than one-tenth of
the purchase which bad been reported.
When asked If thoso were all the gems
or dutiable goods they possessed they
replied that It was,
"We will have to search you and your
effects," snld the customs otllcer, ami
ho proceeded to do so, but nothing fur
ther wns found. He was puuled nnd
uusatlstlcd, but there wns nothing to do
but to pass tho parties. That ulght the
explanation wns forthcoming,. Three
Mexicans whoso reputations for law
less daring were widespread undertook
to put through the bulk of the Jewels.
Notwithstanding their shrewdness and
experience lu that Hue of work they
chanced to run Into two of tho riders
that night. When hatted they replied
with their guns. One of the riders went
down with a bullet through his lung.
His companion, however, was good on
the gun play, and he soon put two of
the Mexicans hors du combat, and tho
third, under his aim, threw up his hands
nnd surrendered. The opals were found
In their iiossesslon and were confiscated
by the government Tho duty on the
lot would havo amounted to nearly
K,000.
Desplto all precautions n grent ninny
goods get over the llne.duty free. Kancy
articles, Mexican drawn work, and tho
like, made extensively south of the bor
der, have a way of appearing mysteri
ously In tho shops of tho American
towus.
WONCERFUL SULTAN OF PERAK.
He Has Been Wlhlness find Iirnoranco
Olve War to Prosperity.
A man of 63 years of age, ha has
(Hissed nimost exnetly half his life
under Mnlay rulo and half uuder tho
new regime Inaugurated by Grent Ilrlt-
nlu. A man with eyes wherewith to
sea nud n mind wherewith to Judge,
compare and think, ho Is probably
among the most enlightened rulers of
thu nattvo states of tho East, and a
convincing apostle of Drttlsh rule. Ho
has seen lu his own time his country
pass from a mere wilderness of forest,
threaded sparsely by sorry footpaths.
Into n laud surprisingly wealthy nnd
prosperous, over thu fncu of which
roads nnd railways run crisscross llko
tho meshes of n net. He has seen law
lessness, brigandage rapine and con
stant Internecine strife vanish nnd Ik
rcplnccd by a peacefulncss uncqunlcd
In Pnccndllly, says Illnckwood's Mag-
nzlnc. Ho hns seen tho spear nnd the
krls, which once ruled tlio world, laid
aside In tho glass casu of museums, or
brought only on statu occasions to deck
courtly ceremonials. Moreover, be has
seen his own ancestral lauds, which of
old lay fallow under dense Jungle,
opened tip nud mndo to produce rich
revenues; blackest Ignorance replaced
by education; lack of sanitation by a
wlso respect for tho laws of hygiene,
and dire poverty by wealth and com
fort. Though the sentimentalist may
mourn the disappearance of much that
was picturesque, of much that wus at
tractive, yet theao bo wonderful
changes for nny man to havo wit
nessed, still moro to havo had a big
hand In bringing to pass; and without
dlspnraglug the wisdom and self-devotion
of Ills European advisers, It
must bo admitted that Pcrak owes a
largo share of Its prosperity to tho
personal efforts of Its present Sultan.
Living Is Cheaper Abroad.
What charm, ono asks onvelf lu won
der, makes people remain for long
years wnndcrlng flresldcless from
Cairo to Coruhlll? It cannot bo tho
climate, for our own Is qulto ns good.
Historical associations, wo nro assured,
comiensate many of thoso people for
the absence of kith nnd kin. Experi
ence, however, has- taught me that tho
majority of them nro ns splendidly In
different to history nnd art, too, for
the matter of that, unless It Is applied
to the decoration of tho human form
as they nro to tho Itosotta Stone.
Tho families thnt ono Unds residing
In Itnly, for Instance, long since aban
doned such foolishness ns slghseelng,
writes Eliot Gregory In tho Century.
That'uselcss fatlguo Is left to tho new
comers; tho habitues I havo mot no
more dream of visiting tho Vatican gal
leries or of reading In the library of
Lorenzo the Mngnlflcciit than they do
of settling down seriously to study
Italian.
Ono hears, especially In the less ex
pensive little cities, somo twnddlo
about culturo; but you .may take my
word for It In nlno cases out of ten
the real attraction of tho placo lies
In tho fact that a victoria can bo had
for $80 a month and a good cook for
one-tenth that sum.
Heeined to Havo Got Out.
A Chicago mini on his summer vaca
tion went to a Wisconsin Iako resort,
nnd ono day bocanio engaged lu conver
sation with the proprietor. Ho com
mented on tho attractiveness of tho
surroundings, nnd finally asked the
hotelkccper how mnny ncrcs there
were in tlfo property.
"About forty," replied tho proprie
tor, "I bco there Is another resort a short
distance north of you. Who owns
thnt?"
"Tho Wlddcr Blmmons."
"You nnd sho Join, do you not?"
"Tho landlord's sunburned face turn
ed n shade or two redder.
"Wo'ro expecting to noxt October,"
he snld, "but I didn't think auybody'd
found It out yet."
Any mnn who takes things as they
como lacks push.
NAVAL OIBCIPLINB,
Laxity n Dlstliiuulshliia CharnctrU
(lean Morocco's Maii-nf-Wnr.
The Hultnn of Morocco Is tho posses
sor of only onn nmn-of-wnr, nud the dis
cipline aboard that vessel Is so lax ns
to be humorous to those who havo vis
ited tho ship. Frances Mitcnah de
scribes lu her "Hide lu Morocco" n visit
to the Morocco navy. In the nbsouco
of tho captain, she was received by tho
chief engineer and another otllcer, prob.
ably n marine. They were Iwth Ger
mans, nnd entered thoroughly Into thu
humor of the situation.
Tho chief engineer had llvo Germans
under him, nnd between them they kept
the engines In nn apparently high statu
of etllcleneyi but tho crew, who were nil
Moors, changed every third day. They
knew nothing nt nil nbout ships, nor
would they learn. The pay Is excellent.
They are three days on board and three
days on shore, and they get their food
on board and three pounds a mouth,
Hus't a berth Is considered a suitable
reward for any friend or relation of the
Sultan.
However much these "sailors" may
differ among themselves, on one point
the) nro agreed nothing will Induce
them to obey nn order. If they nre or
dered to do n thing they dispute tho or
der Immediately, nnd nrguo that It
would bo much better not to do It,
This spirit of disobedience Is no fault
of theirs. Measures to enforce, disci
pline are forbidden by the Nultnu; but
the Germnn olllcers can hale the crew
before tho governor ot tho town. When
this Is resorted to tho governor nsks
who the prisoner Is.
"Oh, he's tho undo of the Sultan's
wife," Is tho reply; or, "Ho Is tho cousin
of the Suttnn's uncle,"
"Well, lot the poor fellow go," says
tho pasha. "You shouldn't give him
so much to do." And there the, matter
ends.
Ou one occasion a Utile light occupa
tion wns found for ono of the crew, to
ivhlch, it was thought, ho would nut
object. He was to hold tho olllco ot
lamp-trimmer to the ship; but ho did
It so badly, In fact so seldom mndo nny
attempt nt touching thu lamps at nil,
that the otllcer remonstrated.
"Who nro you, to talk to mo?" In
quired the Moor. "Don't you tnuw thnt
I am tho Sultan's cousin?" This dis
posed effectually of further lamp-trimming.
"It Is your work to clenn tho deck,
and therefore you must do It," said tho
German ofllccr to one of theso Moorish
senincn.
"Why should I do It?" asked tho
Moor. "You arc a German, and you
como hero for work. Do It yourself, I
do not come here to work. I am tho
rouslu of tbo Grand Vlxler."
HER OLDEST FRI.ND.
Asl Woman Cliarmltmlr Tells of a
(Ircat Joke on Herself.
Tho wrltrr known ns "Mrs. Grant of
Laggan" wns, nt the beginning of the
nineteenth century, one of tho Idols ot
literary society, both In London nud
Edinburgh. Hho died In 1831, lu her
eighty-fourth year, n dear old lady who
made no pretensions to being younger
than she was. She .had a sweet spirit
and a delightful sense of humor, never
more charmingly Illustrated than lu her
account of her last nppenrnnce at a
large public gathering st a flower-show
In n public hnll.
I had no bonnet, sho says, but a Very
respectable cap; and as I walked In
from my sedan chair I was surprised to
lee another lady with exactly such
crutches and precisely such n shawl as
my own. I looked with much Interest
at my fellow cripple, and this Interest
he seemed to reciprocate.
She took her place lu another nave
equally large and splendid, but so 0Mm
that I had n full view of It. Amid all
the flush of bloom before mo I often
withdrew my attention to regard this
withered flower with still Increasing
Interest, the more so that every tlmo 1
turned to look her eyes met mine, and
at length, I thought, with a familiar
expression. At Inst I remarked It to
those about me, ana said I thought siio
lil lllii. In In- Introduced tu mo when
' ir... i ........ nu
I11U SI1UIT mis W.VI, ..vi hhuiv nun hi
umplo as my own, but I comforted my
self with the reflection that I had n
better face, hers being almost ugly. I
rose nt length, nnd so did she, but I saw
her no more.
I There was no such room nnd no lady.
Large folding doors of looking-glass
and my own figure had deceived inc.
This could scarcely have happened hud
I Iiecn familiar with my own coun
tenance, but I have actually not looked
In a mirror for more than two years.
Blight Difference
Tom Edison was at ono tlmo a tramp
ing telegrapher. After ho bad attalnrd
success as an Inventor ho on ono oc
casion cnllcd upon a friend of his who
was n doctor nnd expressed consider
nblo feeling becauso ho hnd not re
ceived nu Invitation to attend n ban
quet In honor of visiting physicians.
"Hut," faltered tho doctor, "this Is
a banquet for medical men, nnd you
certainly do not claim to bo a member
of that organization?"
"Well," answered Mr. Edison, seri
ously, "I myself, wns a dispatcher nt
ono time."
"Ah, I understand now," said the
doctor, catching tho humor of his vis
Itor, "but these men nro pntchcrs."
Detroit Krco Press.
Plillosophlo Maundering.
Not uutll a man Is good und married
docs bo reailzo what an easy thing It
Is to get into trouble.
If thu man constantly dunned by
creditors wants to analyzo his sensa
tions, lot him think of tho dog with
tho tin can tied to his tall.
Wo havo hnd all kinds of cxpcrlcnco
with kitchen help, Including seeing tho
girl In the kitchen help her relatives
over tho back fence. Ilaltlmoro News.
Coals of Mall for ICiiglUhnicii,
Thu Loudon Tailor and Cutter makes
tho extraordinary statement that thcro
nre somo "men who always Includu n
coat of mall In their wardrobe nnd
somo of tho west end tailoring estab
lishments manufacture them regularly
for their customers.
What tho people really need Is n
health food which will keep thorn so
warm thoy will not need much coal.
What do you do with tho tin cnus at
your house?
; II mi QD"r 11
FAVORITES
' Past und Present.
I reniriiilier, 1 remember
Tim house wlieru 1 wns burn,
Tim llttlo window where tlio sun
Cnino peeping In ut imiriit
lie never cniuu n wlak too soon
Nor brought too lung s tiny
Hut now, I often wish tiu night
Hnd borne my breiith away,
I remcmlsir, 1 remember
Wlieru I was used tu swing.
And thought the ulr iiitisl rush M fresh
To swallows nu the wliuri
My spirit flew In fenlliers then
Thnt Is so heavy now.
And summer pools could hardly cool
The fever on my brow,
I rcmeiuls'r, I remember
Tlio fir trees dark nnd high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close ngnlust the sky;
It wns a childish Ignorance,
Hut now 'tla little Joy
To know I'm farther ntt from heaven
Than when t was n boy.
Thorns IIihhI.
The Mum Unit OiiceTlirn' Tura's Halls,
The harp thnt once- through Tom's hulls
The soul of music shed,
Now linngs ns mute on Tnru's walls
As If that soul were Ih-d.
Ho sleeps the pride of former dnjrs,
Hn glorjr's thrill Is o'er.
And hearts thnt once best high for rnl
Now feel thnt puUu no inure.
No more' to chiefs nud Indies bright
The hnrp of Turn swells;
The chord nluim thnt breaks nt night
Its lulu of ruin tells.
Thus freedom now so seldom wnkes,
The imly thnih sho gives,
Is when some henrt Indignant brenks,
To tlmw thnt still she lives,
Tliuinss Moore.
IIUmiY NtGUO FAKMERt
Henry Jackson, a colored man of
exceptional character, and tho wealth
iest member of his rueo lu St. l-oiils
County, has In
creased Ids rent
holdings recently
tu nearly 4
ncre, by the pur-
Mj chnso of a tract
of land n I' n r
O r u v O o e u r
Uike. snys a St.
Inils paper. Hu
owns other prop
er 1 1 s lu thu
county nud hns
nt Interest. His
IIKMIY JACKSUX
money loaned out
wealth Is estimated nt WUX. nil of
which hns liecit amassed since tho civil
wnr. and uhloh consists principally of
rich fanning lands In thu vicinity of
thu lakes. Tho nucleus of his forliino
was furnished, however, from savings
accumulated during bondage.
Ileforo tho wnr Jnrkson wns tho
slave of Itlchard II. Stevens, owner of
a plantation of MM) acres near Crevo
Coeur Uike. Hu was matin foreman of
tbo farm Ii: lNUi!. As such ho had
topcrvlslou over nlmut twenty-five men
nud women, ami often had charge of
as many as fifteen or twenty teams In
hauling products of tho farm to St.
Ixmls to market, lie was then it
young mnn and was married to a wom
an belonging to John Stump, who lived
six miles away. After tho war broke
out, Jackson 'went ato Ohio, but while
there wrote to his former master, Mr.
Stevens, saying thnt his absence wns
necessary and that bo would soon re
turn. Coming back after the war Jackson
continued to work for Mr. Steven
during the day, and ut night, by moon
light, be used to cut com for the fnrm
ers lu thu neighborhood until midnight,
lu this way hu saved considerable
money. Ho now owns one tract of ItU)
ncrcs nnd nnotber of 17(1, besides tho
sixty acres which ho hns recently ac
quired. Ono of his sons Is n practicing physi
cian In St. Louis; another is n pro
fessor In Lincoln Institute at Jefferson
City, and still nnother Is with him on
tho farm. Jackson wns married a sec
ond tlmo eight years ago to a Miss
Hclgcr, sister of Emanuel Ilelgcr, of
Clayton. Hu Is now IS.1 years old.
I'or Night Header.
Speaking of new things, (hero Is a
Trench bedstead which provides for
the Individual who rends after going
to bed or during waking hours lu thu
night.
There nro slnglo Iron beds, nnd In tho
top of the rather high head Is set
nn electric light A rending desk is
attached to a bar, which crosses tho
head of the bedstead nnd can bo raised
nhovo It when not In use and lowered
when required. There nro disadvant
ages to this light, which must shliiu
In tho eyes us well ns ou thu book or
paper ,
Hotter nrrnngements nro mndo In
somo of our big hotels. There Is ar
ranged nt ono sldo of tlio bed nu nrm
with nn electric light attached which
can bo pulled over thu bed at tho
will or tho occupant, nmi ih below thu
' eyes, though qulto high enough for
the light to fall upon thu book.
Tho top of tho electric light globo
Is covered with n dark green shade,
and nouo of the light can go up.
A Cutting Itelort.
A richly deserved retort was that
I mndo by n Sioux girl nt tho Hampton
1 Institution not long since, A silly vis
itor to tho school went up to tho
magnificent red-skinned hello nud snld:
"Aro you civilized?" Tho Sioux raised
her bend slowly from her work sho
was fashioning a breadboard nt tho
moment nnd replied; "No; nro you?"
Plan Tor National Theater.
A llreslau Journal announces that
Gerhart Houtpiimiiu has n plan for
building n national theater a la Hal
1 routh-nt Bchiieberlmu, In tho Giant
Mountains, wbcro every summer nbout
fifteen or twenty performances of (ler
' man plays could bo given.
Tho average, man gets very good
1 cooking until hi) becomes so rich that
his wlfo can nfloid to biro tho cooking
dono.
Somo men would Just about ns soou
receive a whipping as nu ovation,