IIF.BR OTINIIAIMin NMiraiTI1
....... kiwiuuaniu u UMMIjUIU :
g Y I. MACLAHI'.N COWIAN,
i i
V.UM VlVMVlVMUhh IV 51
CI I ITF.lt IV-( oiitluwl
I cimiint Iml cmilcs tlmt tlit Interest
Minn l.iiinilx tlm hlfcMcil In what
touched mo nmiko In inn Mmsiitiniis,
inn y c i n cny M.Kiin hope, of u nry
plcuiuiiil nnil consoling kind,
ilrriiiiu.il lirlulit dream Hint night,
which hung ithuul mo during the tixt
diiy, lint In tlm evening llu-y were dis
pelled miiimim lint rudely liy u Hutu
from tlm bishop requesting inn to cull
iiniii Mm, iiml hy H message from tliu
redor desiring tint in cull on him.
I wnl llrht to tlm 1.1,1ml,. My .
tcrvlow with lilui nun morn ugicniihln
tluili I lind anticipated mid 1 ttimt ttltli
it tolnmlily light I. nut to tlm rector.
Iln ttiiH Mill In bed. My nmrt Inter-
tlmv ttltli him ttim not pleasant. Tlm
words ttn exchanged ttcru ttiirm; hut
they do not concern thin stiiiy incept in
llmlr result. Iln wished, Im urgttd, Im
inmost ordered urn to tcitsit nil rocoghl
nun in liny nny ol tint existence ol till)
mini rrceiiiun; I refused to Kvu niiy
pledge to tlmt effect mid mi 1 wus given
to understand Hint 1 Hiuild not Ihi
wanted In tlm parish iiftnr tint nix
months for which I hud been nt first
engaged.
It tun only limn when my departure
from Tlinporloy seemed iiniuliuuit (I
Iiml nlniidy men nlmost four moiitliH
In tlm iliiin) Hint I began to susicrt
how wry much my hnKs mid affection
Iiml entiiuglisl themselves th tlm
haunting sadness, tliu unconscious grate
nnd Iwuuty of Minn Ijicrtlx. What
likelihood mtn llmm now. If them over
lind lieen nny, of n poor riinitn who Iiml
iilri'itdy ilnnii something to discount
III chalice ol iriifiiriiii'Ut of my being
morn tliun nil agreeable it i it tolnmlily
sympathetic iii'iuiilntiiiii'ti of a iimiitli
or two, of my In uring her say mnrn
limn "o very sorry, Indeed. Hint you
nr going," nnd of Hum finding Hit' opt
wslo clou-1' .No llkollhood nt nil there
teemed And yl so much inny finpjx'ii
In tun short months. I linvtt to mini It
tlmt, oven in the mlditt of serious work
(of writing a sermon, for lustaiito),
vuln, ttllil thoughts unulil urlm in inn
of commending myself to tlia young
Indy liy winm tfrat H'rvlro liy, ptr
fluinrt', illmiiviirliiK Imr fntlii'r, or nt
li'nnt tlndlin; out for fcrlnln whnt lind
Inm-oiihi of lilm (nltliniii-li 1 Iiml yt Iiml
no wortl fnnu Hm Uo rlciitlit tihoiu I
lind iinktxl to mnkn liiiiuirltn in Iiu-
ilon). Hut tlit'mi (imiIIMi, fruitltn (ui
Iiik" ttru hikiii rruHil.vl nnidti hy tlm
t'xrilmni'iit ol nvt'iitii.
A utrnuk'ti thiiiK linppimi whitdi wnii
n tliris-t ri'Mill of my hltliprlo lnckli'm
ndtiintuiii ttltli Mr. Krci'innn. I found
Hint nffnlr lind oomini'iidiil mo to tint
futomlilu uttivitiou of nil typt-n of dlr
viiIith In tliu villncn; onu innrk of thin
fnvor I I'niMK-inlly nppwtdntitl, nn nil
idorisymi'ii would tho IiktiximxI ui
Kri'pitlou I 1 1 ml nt church, on Sunday
iivuiiliit partlculnrly.
"I nlcV't rf(!rct for my .own raki,
nyti know," l'rrtmnn raid to mo oim
day, with n laiiKli, "tlmt I nuknd you
to ho my rlinlrmaii nt that dlrufiil In t
urn. I lind yuu nru tukliiK lunnv of my
coiiKnvntlon (rnm run not all toio'tltor,
tlinui;li, I iiiuiit ruy tlmt for my pel I.
Hut tlivy do lliclr duty liy mo in tlm
morning, nnd tlmn ppciu to tnkn tludr
pli'iiouro ttltli )ou In tho ovi-nlnc."
Of tlionn who thun forok Mr, Kroo
man I uotirtxl n rcnuirknlilo Kroup of
working folk, ttlioin ho Iiml (minted
out to mu nn tlm moat (dowly oolivriiiK,
iiml tliu moid vuilouidy Intcr-rvlntixl
cotikTrit'M of fnmilion in tlia vlllnui'
(ttlicro tlmro Ih mi iixivuhoI (xiiminrliip)
Tlii'y ui'ru nto.idy, ntulid, nlirund pixi
plo, wry I'omfortnhly off, yi't nil of
whom, inalii mid fcmnlo, ttorkrxl nt tlm
Iihiiii or tlm clicmirnl vnt. My atten
tion wna llrrt nttrnctixl to thmu liy
llmlr tnkliiK up n good mit wtdl for
wnnl, nnd ri'fuviuK tn IiuiIko tthon tlm
lititrhvr'a family, who pnid for it, rnnm
In, nnd by tludr evidently IhiIiik ciultu
iinunxl to tho order of nerviai in
iliuri'li. Tliu prayer liook huh ii mam
to tliiim, mid tho rifling up nnd rlttlni;
down rnnatnntly took tliem liy nurprirn.
Tho fulnlly, I Iraruixl, Iiml riKoroimly
dinHentixl for Kt'i't'n'tioiiH.
At n Kpeelnl Hotter nervleo (for which
fnw Unworn rould Ihi itntlienxl Tlm
IMirley) tlioy wero not In tludr ncriis
tomixl potv. Tlio cliurcli wni donndy
crowdixl morn crowded, I think, lo
raiiHo tlm (not nnd tlio rniiHon of my
npetxly dopartiirn from Timperloy Iiml
mimohntv not nlnond. At tlio end of
tho week, howover, (an Friday nllit, I
think), a iiichhiiku enmo to inn ttheu
tvuH in bed, roquiiHtinK mo to vlnlt nt
oiii-o n mnii who wiiH tlvlng ono of tlm
hoiih ol lliin intorontiiiK family. 1
drcHnod, nnd wont.
I liunrd noundn of wallliiR anil Innien
tntlou from tlio Iiouho Imforo I entured.
1 linnnid Into tlio kitelien, u oleiiii
brilllit room, In which tlio moti of tho
family out MiinkiiiK In vnrioiin nbsnrhed
nttltudcH, oiiproHtixl with ulloiii'o nnd
sloop. Ono of tlio wnmon (.toopixl over
n pun on tho Urn, wlilln tho old mother
In n linn, eltmr voleo, cllreclisi neropor
ntloiiH. Kho turned to mo, eayiiiK
merely:
"IIo'h iipntnirH, Ho nuiils bad
to
rco yo', but nt pronont Iui'h leot I'
th'
yed, (IlKlit In tho hond).
UpstnlrH I found tlio dying man
tlio mimller of tlio two bcdrooniH-
in
-for
wnrmtli. Tlmt nick room, na It tliun
npiioiired to mo, will not onnlly bo for-
Kotten. At Hint dead hour of tlio
nlKht, when "Iho vory hoiifos neemod
imleep," nnd oven tlm tall chimney of
tho chemical workn lind conned to emit
Kh tinted vapors, tlio can Hnred full in
tlio littlo room, nnd nix portions, men
nnd women, woro round tho bed where
tlio poor fellow Iny In tlio hint extrem
ity of dulirioua hulplonmipsn, noaked In
porsnlrntlon. Near him stood iny
frlond Freeman.
I loarned In n fotv words from Free
man that tho poor fojlotv had boon em
ployed for yearn nt tho chonilcnl works,
whoro ho hud contracted ulceration of
tlio liingsi on Btindny nlcht ho bail
stood in tlio doorway of tho crowded
church, had caught cold and had como
home to tho bed from which lie would
never rise nenln.
Whllo ho spoko bo wan seized with n
fit of violent delirium, in which he lind
to be roxtrnlnod from gottlng out of
bed. Soon ho ralmod down ngaln into
a moro lucid interval. Wlilla ho lay
jpeuclilets, and a noluhbor by tho bod j
i IV iv tk ii iv u iv iv iv iv
kept niolntnuiiifi hln dry, cracked lpx
ttim u run hiiikoii in liriinily nml ttnler
Im t!H oil iiniiind hhr, nnd lit tint llxixl
IiIh eyen on urn, ami iwuyi il to npeuk
Imt no uordn niiiitt Thin prontrntlt
mni niii'iitii ciiuHiiiii'iI for nouio tim
Now ami imiiln tho hciul of tho family
ttomti iihcentl irom Hm kltclmii (In hi
niot'KliiKH, lent Im nhiiuhl miiko a uolnn)
IIIUl Htllllll Mllflllll Hllt'iiro with I
tpilriiiit eyen on hlnn'in; tin would ntiintl
co dill nml rollri'il that bin prownr
wiim forollon till tlm gulp of n big nil
wan liciinl, nnd tlm loono hack of hi
hirgo tvalntcnat ttan neon illnapptmrli.
nitinti tno Hour. At length tho
found hihx'cIi.
"I iithcr," ho nald, when tlm oltl
man wan about to withdraw. "Iililn
llo then nlgnlllnd that all tlm otliern
nhotiltl lento tlm fixiin except 1'reeuui
ami iiiynnll. tviieu thoy woro gone I
motioned his fntlmr to hln pillow. Tho
oltl mull wont.
"Ilii'oyou nuiniiuit to nny, Dick?" I
umiiitai, ".111111 I riilno you up?"
llo ttan rained nml propped up will
pillottn. Ilonckixl for u drink, ami
wun given Home whlnkey nml milk
"I'm ii dying moil," Im Ijcgnn; "I
kiiotv I mil." Illn even, u-liuod witl
tllneiiMi nml ttnntof nleep. turned wildly
aiMiui; inn neml drooped ; and hi
damp lliln flngiirn (ntill tllwolorixl will
ilye) cliiMod nt Hm Ih1 clothen. II
renuunxl llxlug bin ojen on mo "I
iniint iiinfenn Niimmal; I liotm (iixl'll
lorglvo me. I hull nought to do wl' it
what fur nhoiihl I'.' llo wun ityo good
to me. I had iioughl to do wi't, I ttdl
you'"
"No, Iml," nald bin father to hmoH
him: thiKi hiulmi.
"tteel, raid he, "tlunnotn.iy 1 had
liccnunu 1 1 iik nu. U'liHim I on uigl.
rlil It'.' Mint ttan all. I ttnik ,11m
place; ho wanted logo ttho.un to wlfi
in lied tti' bnliliy. That ttim It.
ii .. .
no iiiiiuiTixi tin nouio oilier iinraren
while Im turned Inn eyen alMiut un II
lout; bin nx'ollectlon ttnn wandering
Ho rrrumcd with energv, 'They camo
rigni in, rjieaklng loud and angry. II
wulkn nil to thing, ami liftn lit). 'I
knowixl It!' rayn he. 'Hut yo' iicodna
lot if tli' world know itl'ravn th' other
1 It in rlianunt Ihi! rayn he.
Ilm iMMir fellow ttan gnuvini: terribly
excited; every word wan uttertxl wit
llerco t'liipliiiHin and wild geitture: hi
eyen wero llxixl on vacancy, nnd. In my
reuex excitement, I landed 1 wiw Ml
interior ol tho color nluxl, with itr
vague tinted vnporn. through whlcli
ItHiiniMl the llguren of two itinrreling
men, wliom I tremlilingly ttntched i
iimigimillnn by tho ride of thin dyed
tieninn oi mo val. I Im man grew
exclttxl, mid nu wero no engronrtxl, witl
Itln revelation, that he had riren to hi
Kneen in ihxi no'oro we could proven
lilm. Iln continued bin llerco, tllr
jolnttxl titterancen.
tto inun na nn morn of itr nay
iiejriieieann lower! An. Iirdl
ttantrtoplll It! A Ii hi"
it nn n wun lean no tvan stantllni! un
In Ixxl.nnd llercely imitating tlm notion
ol n mini stooping, ami tipping
iiirntviug nomo neavy ixxiy. tvo ttero
no tinnntlxed with rurprlro nnd horror
tlmt tto could not stir a hand to rottral
mm. lie looked like a weird coipMt
riitiiieniy rnlred Irom tlio tleml to
grotcHtpio, galvanic life. What chiefly
reired my attenlnn wan the black
rbatlotv on the wall of thin tlelirioun II g
uro thus stooping with bin head and
bunds (iiiUtretclied. The incident (anted
but a moinont, and then tho poor imin
fell liack on hln pillotv with dintractixl
crien.
".Murder! Oh, my Ootl' murder
An' I fouldmt speak! Nay, I rouldna
Hut IM nought to tin wi't! nought!"
Again ho lay oxhauntod, and ills lei
ntlten and ncighliorn came buck bur
rkxlly to bin iMxlritlo to wall over him.
He looked sadly but calmly on them
gasping in the laet faint struggle of
initiiro against dissolution. And so he
died, ami tho wailing broko out re
doubled.
Itofnru Freeman nml I left tho house
together to go out Into the cool summer
morning air, tho old mini snid ipiietlv
to us ' I to seen for long ho hail sum
mat on bin molnd, but what ho means,
i coniia ten; so wo n nest lio d our
tongues, I think."
CIIAITF.K V.
I left Freeman nt hln own door, and
wandered iiivny In search of some spit,
in which distraction nnd calm intalit
come. Hut tho search was vain, nml I
returned to tho village to my lodi;lni!s.
The tall ihlinnoya' had begun to pour
form tliolr volumes of tilack smoke
befoul nntl hopolson tho nlr, which bad
cleared Itself somewhat In tho night.
When I entered tho village its pave
ments resounded with the clatter of
clogs: tho dally contingent of toil.
which almost emptied tho village of
men nntl women, young nnd oltl, was
drowsily marching out to itn various
stations. Tho men nnd latin on tliolr
way to uicroix and Hlolnliardt's Chem
ical Works attracted most of my nttem
lion. Thoy ttero of fenrful nptl won-
tlerful lisped; thoy weio of brilliant
colors, curiously blent, or woro wholly
blue or green, or n lino Mephlstolenn
retl; they wero, Indeed, qulto. "subdued
to what they win k In ' tlyed oven to
the roots of heard nntl oyebrotvs, As
I looked, I wondered whether tho con
stant wearing oi mis engrained war
paint wero not of Itself ounugli to keen
over auvo in uicso men, peacolul ns
tney looKon, uerco lmtslons, which In
other men usually slumbered. An
outbreak of savngo nature among them in
the meplilttc vapor Inwhlcli they worked
might be no very unusual thing: was it
ronio such outbreak, ending In a fearful
death tor one of thom, of which thodeatl
man lying in that lioui-c, with the
whito blinds drawn, lind been n terror
stricken witness? Or hnd Ills confes
sion boon merely tlio raving of delirium?
ilolirlum, winch soomcd in some
nieasuro to havo beon communlcntod to
mo, tired ns I wns with tlio excitement,
nnd with want of sleep.
When I reached iny lotlclncs. I wont
to bod, and Blopt for somo hours. I
nwoko moro mysolf, disposed to tako a
clearer and soboror view of things.
Ovor my lato break fat t I rosolvcd whnt
would uo. I, for my part, would eav
nothing of tho confession heard in the
night, until I could be suro it had eooio
foundation In fart. This I would tliit
morning try tn discover In Hid village,
I know Hint any tit the shopkeepers
would do only loo ready to wnlromo a
gossip; fur except at mnul times, and
In tlm evening, tlm village In nearly
J; iuiiity ol customers,
ri I found tlm draper,
llttln middle
2 nged mini, who horn tlm evidence of
i ''""I "H i Ui mill" from his earllosl
youth. llo wan tho very man El
nould liavn i lioMtn for inv nurimno: Im
I hail a fouilnlim fnndnonn for gonnip, and
no Know mo uiialrn of ovory one In tlia
village, ami all that had hapiionnd for
a generation or Iho, Iliad nodllll
cully In arriving tpilikly at tho end I
Iiml in flow, nn already knew that I
Iiml been called up In tlm night to visit
the dying victim of applied chemistry,
mid Hint Freeman nml I hnd been with
him till Im end.
"Very delirious," said the draper,
"I hour say Im wan iablmrotl anil ram-
bled away uboiifa' kinds o' stuff, and
then sliirnorod (slumlxtrod) off again,
I suppose? Yea; that's tho way thoy
do. l.li, ileal ! It's n bud business for
the wife mid the family
"Are illHtasnn like his," I nskod,
"Oiien got at Hm chemical works?"
"Nny," raid bo, "I think not; tlm
sumlln doi-iii to agroo wl' most folk
pretty wtxd."
"lint tlm work In very dangerous,
Is it not7 Don't accidents often hip
pon?" "Yea; it In ilnky. When thoy work
nwor Him vats, ami tho retorts, and
things, they mini tin up their mouths
anil noson wl' n clout, and even wl'
that they mny sometimes Ret choked
and nwrcomu tlttalmllko all at wonst
wl th' smell, or sommat, and then
they're n goner."
"Accidents often happen, then'"
"Wtxd, mon, thoy do and thoy don't.
Mates, you see, are ayo at hand. The
latin often gi t un eye burnt, but thoy
don't nlrkon much tn that, ficoi
there's a lad otter there by th' beer
shop door."
I lookod and saw a sturdy fellow all
nil, ttltli h whlto handkerchief tied
round his head under hln cap.
"lie's Imm-ii two or three timea like
tlmt wi' IiIh eye burnt. Oh, yea; it'a
risky; hut wo dent often ha' a grit ac
cident. The worst I rt-niuni ber was .a,
Iml on th' night shift that foil in and,
was smothered; he was found In thlnir
next morning. That wan a bad bush
nenx; a' th' hair ttan off. an' th' skin
ami llonh was but It mak's you for-1
ijueer; yea, ran soo it do. It was- a
bad business." , ,
'Very horriblo," said I.'.Whlle mr
heart Hiuiiiixxl almost audibly, "How
long was that ago?"
Iot mo seo. It s a matter, I do be
lieve, o' ir year ago."
"I hopo," said I, "a death of that
sort tlon't often occur."
"Nny; or our folk, quiet as thoy are
mortlius, might pull tho whole men-
ngerie down.
I wan surprised to seo tlm vindictive
glitter that passed from the little man's
eyes.
Man thcro really, I asked with
somo ronstlalnt, "been any other death
like that since tho ono you mention?
"ay; l ronna remember one.
(To b continued)
8HE LOST NOTHING.
Omiulon In the Wtddlnj Sirvlct thai Dldn'l
Count
A tlistlngulsluxl naval o Hi cor was
telling thin story on himself the other
vtenlng to n gathering of htn frlendn.
At the time of his marriage he had been
through the Civil war ami had had
many harrowing oxwrienccn alwanl
ship, through all of which ho kept his
courage ami remained as calm as n
bruvo man should. As the time for
tho ceromony came on. however, his
calmness gradually gave way. At tho
liar, amid tuo maze of hrasn buttons
ml goltl l.ico marking tho full naval I
wedding, the olllcer wnn all but stam-,
pixletl, ami what went on thoro seemed
ery much mixed to him. Fearing tlio'
.tenement oi the moment would tern
lorarily tako him off hln feet, tho olllcer
hail learned the marriaee ceremony let
tcr periect, ns no thought, antt he re'
membered ropeating the words after tho
mtulrter In n mechanical sort of way
After the ceremony was all over and
II wns serene again, Including the
Ulcer's statu of mind, tliu kindly
lergyman cuino upend touched him on
tlio rhouldcr.
"l-ook hero, old man," be said, "you
I Kin t eutiotv your wife with nny world
Utoiis.
"What's that?" asked tho brlde-
grtom with something of astonishment
In iih voice.
Why, I repeatotl the sentenco 'With
all my worldly goods I thco endow' sev
eral times and, despito my efforts, you
ouiu not say it alter mo."
Tliu bridegroom seemed perturbed for
moment and then n hcamim; light
camo into ins ince.
Never mind, sir." he said, "she
litln't loso a blersetl thing by my fail
ure. ttasnington star.
Solving It.
Patrick, a thrifty tradesman In the
oighborhood of tho Dublin docks, was.
the story goes in Tit-Hits, a man who
oi or spent a penny more than ho
ceded to spent); but ho was. neverthe
less, as gooti a man at the maklns of
nn Irish bull as nny who lived between
Itantry nnd linllycastlo.
Having ono day occasion to fond
letter to u placo at somo distnncd. lat.
IcK caned n messenger nnd asked him
his prlco lor going such a distance.
"It'll boa Bhlllln'," said the man.
"Iwlco too much!" said Patrick.
Let It bo sixpence."
"Nlvvor," anwrored tho messencer
The way Is Hint lonely Hint I'd nlvvor
go it under n shlllln'."
"I-onoly, is it?" raid Pattltk. scratch
lug his head. "Faith, an' ve'ro rolcht
otv, man, I'll tell yo what wo'll do:
make It sixpence, and I'll go wld yo to
Knpo yo company!
The Fretful Btby In n Omnlbui.
correspondent of the London Full
Mall Gazette vouches for this incldont:
A young woman with n fretful babv
In n full omnibus (aloud): 'Toor lit
tlo nipper, I suppose I shall end by
avlng to take Mm to the "orsnltnl."
(HnlsitiB tho child's veil and looking
around for sympathy.) "Donf get no
rest. 'K Is sufferin' so with small
pox." Oh, Sophl
Mrs. Hrowno I didn't know your
son was at college.
Mrs. Malapropos Oh, yes; he's been
there two years. Uo'a In the sycamore
class now
SUPPOSE WK SMILE.
HUMOnOUO PARAGRAPHS from
THE COMIC PA PER 8,
ricaunt Ineldnt ctrrnt th.
World OTr-HlOutArCl,tr.
mi to Old or rounofssnj Belfc.
tloni that KTorybod Will KaJoi
"I wnnt a plrce of blue rlWn that
will He nicely Into a baiumti knot,"
nnld the aad-looklo nutn, iddremlm
tho saleslady.
"Thin piece will aoswrr your pur
pose, I think," replied tlioUDt i1(lr
"How much do you require!"
"It Is to ndoni the ne-k nt nj wife's
pet dog," replied the U, with a
alckly smile, "na plraao mt it accord-
HiKly."
Hnvnl l.y the Hi""' hrtlce.
Ix)nglelgh-Then you didn't propow
to Miss (lotrox, lifter all?
Hliortlclgh No. Mr k'wljl, 0f
tho signal acrvlco code ssred ma from
making a fool of myself.
Liotiglolgh-Woll. put inton.
Hhortlelgli Just at I w about to
commit myself alio bolstrd the cold
ware Hag. ju,
In A. U.1W'
Klrst Automobile (Ilrl-Tfhy do thsr
havea wooden Indian outside of aclgsr
store?
Second Automobile Ulrl-I (rtre It iid'
Why do they have a wootltn borse out-
aide a leather goods itorcj-l'uck.
No After UeaulU.
Did the typhoid fcrer leave you
with anything?"
"No; the doctor pot ItalL"
J
Was OTerwelebt.
"I wish I knew of a good way to
raise bread." remarked the wife as she
tackled one of her biscuits at the
brcakfnst.table.
wny not try a uerricn. my urarr
auggestixl the brutal other half of the
combination.
Her Opinion
Mr. Qulnn I never gazed upon such
beautiful hrlc-n-brac an the Harwoods
have In their parlor. And they're had It
for years.
Mrs. Qulnn (contcmpturusIyl-Oh, It
Just shows that they can't afford to
keep a servant. If they bad a
maid that bric-n-brac would never bo
there so long. Chicago News.
The Octopus.
What!" ejaculated the man.
Four
hundred dollars for tlia
thak drexi?"
the Alff. sootlih
answered the Jtlfe, sootliln;
cursed railroad tiv
The Iteverence for .nscurltjr
"What tlo you think ortlif new m!n
Ister's sermon?" hundred Hr. Cum
rox's wife.
"Well," he replied, "I guess It wasn't
very good."
"Upon what do you base your opln
lou?"
"I understood every word of It nnd
lot really Interested." Washington
Star.
"John! Didn't you swear off swear
ing the first of the year?"
j on n (who uas just stepped on a
tack) I did, and I'm swearing oft
again nowl
It Must Have Reen.
Miss Fisher Now, what would you
say my nge was?
Mr. Sbarpe Kighteen.
Miss Fisher (coyly) How prompt you
are. You speak as if you had certain
knowledge.
Mr. Sbarpe Of course, I knew It was
that at one time Philadelphia rrcss.
Where Ills Oenliis Bhone.
"I tell you that poet Is a genius."
"A genius? Why, his stuff Is
worst I ever read."
the
"I know."
"Hut why do you call him a genius?'
"Hccnuse ho succeeds Itr selling It."
Philadelphia Itecord.
At the Play.
"Where are you golug,
my pretty
mnld?"
To the play, kind sir." she sold.
"What do you there, my pretty maid?"
"Slander my neighbors, sir," she said.
Awful 1'oulbllttr.
Neither tho wide ocean nor Iron
bars will keep mo from you, my love!"
ho cried, fervently.
"Hut, Reginald," whispered the
Judge's daughter, as she trembled with
apprehension, "whnt If papn should Is
sue an Injunction?"
llehlnd the Bcenes,
Denr mo!" exclaimed the soubrette
"I've broken one of my earrings. What
shall I do?"
"Tclephono for a glazier,:' succeatrxl
tho low comedian. Chicago News.
Up Aitnlmt It.
Smith Whnt'g tho trouble, old mnn?
You look ns If a stiuall hnd struck you.
Jones Worso than that, my boy. I've
Just been struck by two squalls.
Smith Why, how's that?
Jones Got twins nt our house.
A It Should lie.
Illggs A cousin of mine was married
on the west sldo yesterday.
Dlggs That a queer.
Hlggs What's queer about It?
Dlggs-Why didn't ho get married nn
all sides while he was about It?
?
It Nerer Came Ttnek.
"Take my advice. Don't lend Bur
roughs nny money."
I never did."
"Why, you used to, I'm sure, be-
caunt" "
"Nn: I used to think I was lendlne It
to Ii 1 in, but I soon discovered It was
purely a gift."
Hnmewltat Xllfferent.
Hlx Wlndlg evidently In not a man
who hides hln light under a bushel.
hlx You bet he Isn't. On the con
trary, ho considers himself the whole
i-leetrlc power house and Imagines the
town would be In total darkness If be
hnppened to break down.
The Ifetort Courteous.
Elephant What did tho camel say
when the monkey referred to his
humps?
Olraffe Ho said he didn't want any
back talk.
None the Heat of Him.
Illobbs Hjones has a suit of clothes
for every dny In the week.
Klobbs So have I. I've got it on
now. Philadelphia Itecord.
More Important.
"Yes," said the old doctor, you should
try to have your own carriage, by all
means, llecaune when you want to get
ton patient quickly "
"O!" Interrupted the young M. D.f "I
don't think any patient who sent for
me would !e likely to die before I
reached him."
"No, but he might recover before you
got there." Philadelphia Post,
Courtnhlp Too Kxpenslve.
Tens You tlon't mean to say they
have broken off their engagement?
Jess Yes.
Tess Why, I thought they wero per
fectly devoted to each other.
Jess So they are. You see, they
have broken off the engagement so that
he may save enough money to enable
them to get married. Philadelphia
Ircss.
"A Toor Kxcnse-"
"What is his excuse for not marry
ing?" "Says ho doesn't wsnt to wear darn
ed socks."
elnoth-rflre caused by friction,'
"How's that?"
"Aw, rabbin" a three thousand-dollar
policy on a ?2,000 barn!"
Ordinary I'flbrt Wasted.
Clara-Is It true that Mabel Is suing
her husband for divorce?
XInude Yes, and I don't blame ber.
She wns handicapped right from tbe
start
Clara Why, how was that?
Maude Her husband had Indigestion
before they were married. Chicago
News,
The Hnd Part.
Mrs. Hnttcrson What! You've had
fourteen cooks In three months!
Mrs. Cattersou Yes. And I didn't
please any of them. Life.
Justifiable.
Biggs I see your friend Cutting has
engaged lu a new business. He ad
vertises himself as a man milliner.
Dlggs Well, what of It? You cer
tainly wouldn't expect him to pose as
a woman milliner, would you? Chica
go News.
Other Uses.
Mendicant Please, Indy, will you
give 10 cents to a poor man to keep
lilm from starving?
Miss Flyte Mercy no. I enn't afford
ltl Why, I've got to get my spring suit
this week. Souiervllle Journal.
No Other Inference.
Sllllcus The secret of happiness Is
to marry one's opposite.
Cynlcus Then n man must bo a fool
to marry a brainy woman. Philadel
phia Itecord.
The Latter Part.
"What part of my sermons do you
enjoy most?" asked Itcv. Dr. Long
wind. "The conclusions you reach," replied
Deacon Kandld. Philadelphia Itecord.
Tho Higher lMucatlon.
"You believe In the higher educatlou
for women?"
"Well, I hardly know; but my daugh
ter says that now-a-days a girl who
can't play basket-ball aud fence Isn't
In It."
Telephones Hurt ltoads.
It Is an Odd fact, but true, that somo
steam railroads have complained of the
harm done to their best class of passen
ger trafflc by the long-distance tele
phone, whllo hotels In Western cities
hnve also attributed a reduction of
patronage to the same cause. Travel
between this city and St. Louis, for ex
ample, Is said to have been appreciably
cut down by tho telephoue. Such a re
sult would seem dlftlcult to trace tan
gibly, although ono meets people daily
who, to avoid weary trips, have gov
erned themselves on the Injunction:
"Don't travel; telephone," Hut tho tel
egraph and the mall have also been de
terrents, nnd It there is any vauuiiy to
tho alleged reason the high-speed elec
tric travel of the future may restore the
former conditions. Chicago Chronicle.
With ItU Feelings.
'Docs your neighbor's daughter
piny?"
Playl worse than tnnt; sno tri
fles."
wine of riches are not strong
enough to bear away the expensive
tastes they bring.
Cieit1lCe
The Hngllsh sparrow, which bns
made so many enemies In tlio Uastcrn
and Central States, hat Invaded tbe
Itocky Mountain region. For some time
past, T. Ii. A. Cockered reports, It has
been known In the northeastern sec
tion of New Mexico, at Itaton and Las
Vegas, and It seems to be gradually
spreading westward and southward,
having recently been noticed, for tho
Urst time, at Albuquerque.
An acre of grass land, according to
experiments, gives off not less than
0.4W quarts of water In twenty-four
hours, and an acre of sunflowers would
give a relatively greater quantity. In
fact, swamps have been reclaimed and
malarial marshes rendered Inocuous by
planting sunflowers or eucalyptus
trees, which are great pumpers of wa
ter, and also exert other Influences
counteracting baneful conditions of air,
earth nnd water.
Mount 8L Ellas Is 5,520 meters In
height. Mount Falrweather Is 4.040
and Mount IOgan Is G,0!7. There Is a
higher peak still that has never yet
been climbed. It lies In C'JVi degrees of
north latitude and In 153 degrees of
west longitude and has been called
Mount McKlnley. Its altitude Is 0,120
meters or 20.220 feet, and will proba
bly remain uncllmbed for many years
owing to Its remoteness and to the In
herent difficulties of the ascent.
In weather forecasting, no clouds are
worthy of such attention as the cirrus
clouds, which attain a greater eleva
tion than any others, averaging In sum
mer a height of Ave or six miles above
the earth. Their sudden appearance In
a clear sky Is generally a signal of foul
weather, especially when their stream
ers have an upward tendency, for this
indicates that the clouds are falling.
After heavy rains, on the other band,
the formation of these clouds Is often
a sign of Improvement
In a recent bulletin Issued by the
Lick Observatory. C. D. Perrlne, after
describing the continued expansion of
tbe nebulous rings and spirals around
Nova Persel, the new star lu Perseus,
adds the Interesting remark: "If this
nebula Is expanding In all directions.
and should continue to expand at Its
present rate, some of It should reach
the solar system In 250 years." It may
be added that long before It could at
tain such extension the nebula would
become so rarefied as to be Invlsble,
and probably Insensible to any present
means of observation.
The recurrent alarm about tbe ap
proaching exhaustion of the coal sup
ply In Great Britain has been fanned
a little by the recent appointment of a
royal commission to Inquire Into tbe
matter. About thirty years ago a slml
lar commission Investigated the British
coal supply, but since tben. It Is said,
unexpected changes In the coal trade
have taken place which affect the ques
tion,' At present Great Britain pro
duces one-third of the world's entire
supply of coaL No1Ummeatate,'danger
of exhaustion Is feared, but among the
duties of tbe new commission Is to In
quire Into the possible substitution of
other fuel, or the employment of kinds
of power not depending upon the use
of coal.
VALUE OF AN IDEA.
One Hrlsrht Youns Man Got a High
Price for Ills.
An elderly gentleman, whose appear
ance correctly Indicated blm to bo a
man of wealth, banded a young man
a check a few afternoons ago In the
lobby of an uptown boteh Observing
that It was drawn for $1,000, a friend
remarked that the young man must
have rendered some Important service
to the benevolent gentleman.
He has," replied the latter, "ne
put $1,000,000 Into my pocket."
Why didn't be keep it himself?"
asked tbe friend, enviously, as such
examples of generosity are rare.
Because he could not use It; the
$1,000 will be more valuable to blm. I
will explain, as neither of us were ac
tuated by motives of generosity, but
cold business.
As you know, I am tbe president of
a corporation, which some people call
a trust, that Is one of tbe largest ad
vertisers In tbe world, as we spend
thousands yes, hundreds of thousands
of dollars a year In letting tbe people
know Just what they must have, what
ever else they don't have.
We believe In advertising, and this
young man knows It, and has profited
accordingly. He came to me to-duy.
as we are utter strangers, and asked
me If I would pay, him $1,000 for an
Idea on advertising our goods. 1 did
not try to beat him down to $100. n
good figure for an Idea, but promptly
told him that I would gladly pay his
price If, upon communicating to mo
tbe Idea, I considered It worth what
he demanded. Otherwise I would pay
blm what I. and not he, considered It
worth.
To this he readily assented, and In
an hour's talk he explained to me the
brightest Idea on advertising I havo
ever received out of thousands of sug
gestions. Wo will make over $1,000,000
profit Insldo of a year on Increased
sales and permanent business retained.
So, you see, his price was cheap.
Fortunes have been made In busi
ness by the advertising of a slnglo
suggestion lu such a manner that the
public see It out of the great mass of
printed matter going through their
hands, and this tldo of ndvcrtlsuient
flows so rapidly that thero must be
something above another which at
tracts public attention. This 'some
thing' was what that bright young
man gave to me, and I am very much
obliged to him." Washington Star.
MR. CnOKER'S WANTAGE.
The Bort of Place It Is and Why He
Went There.
In these days of Winchester festivi
ties and national millenniums. It has
been Bomewbat too widely forgotten
that the towu where King Alfred was
born celebrated the anniversary of his
birth more than fifty years ago, not
only by a statue, which stands In the
Wnntngo market place, but by tho re
organization of an ancient grammar
school, where most of the hardy yeo
men farmers In that district received
their education, Few more appropri
ate memorials to the founder of Kur
llsh educntlon could bavo been con
ceived, nnd Miss Gibbons has been
well advised to take advantage of tbe
present Interest In all that pertains to
tho great West Saxon leader by Issuing
an nuthorltatlre history of the town
which gavo him birth.
The quiet town of Wantage has sud
denly found Itself placarded with a
strange notoriety In the last year or
two. No doubt It was chiefly Its al
most uncqualcd opportunities for train
ing raco horsos that first attracted the
eelebrnted Mr. Croker to this district,
a dlstrfct whlcli persistently claims
the honor of tho birth of Eclipse,
against all tho assertions of tho Inhab
itants of Windsor Great Park or tho
Isle of Dogs; and sportsmen who fol
low tho doings of thoroughbreds In
training are by now well accustomed to
turning to the news of Wantago for n.
report of what Mr. Morton, or Mr.
Hot ntiy, or Mr. Bobson has been dolug
with his 2-year-olds.
But by such passing phases of pub
licity the town Is very little disturbed.
It was content for a long time with
tbe reputation of King Alfred. Then
Bishop Butler of the "Analogy" con
ferred a more modern luster upon the
town where he was born and educated,
and In these last years It was the en
ergy and organization of another But
ler. "Butler of Wantage," as the dean
of Lincoln was called, to the end of his
strenuous career, which finally raised
the little Berkshire town out of Its old
rut and placed It In tbe forefront of
model educational centers.
Tbe name Is associated, too, with that
of tbe peer, only lately dead, who took
It for his title. Lord Wantage did
much for the place In which ho was so
largely Interested, and among tbe most
picturesque records of his generosity
will ever be that Gallery of the Vic
toria Cross, where tho first heroes of
that splendid decoration arc commem
orated by the nrt of Chevalier Desan-
ges. It would bo n pity, says the Lon
don Telegraph, If this historic series
were left Incomplete by tbe lack of the
more recent owners of the cross In the
period after the artist's work here pre
served was stopped, for It would be
difficult to find a more stirring or In
teresting collection of patriotic pic
tures In any gnllery In tbe world.
TO WHOM DOE8 BABY BELONG ?
Three Women Claim It and Natnrallr
There la a Tangle,
The chief magistrate In tbe Canton of
Berne, Switzerland, has been called
upon to give Judgment In a most com
plicated case, which suggests the prob
lem submitted to King Solomon about
twenty-nine centuries ago, says tbe
London Mall.
A tailor named Meier, who married
a Swiss girl three years ago, threat
ened to divorce her because they had
no family. At the end of last year ha
went to Germany on business. A few
months afterward he received a letter
from bis wife with tbe good tidings of
tbe birth of a child. '
TUeitalhcr was overjoyed,",andoro
pafyl . to'returnTio-erne. The cWll?
however, died soon after Its birth, anil
tbe poor wife was afraid to tell her
husband. So she determined to adver
tise for n. newly born child. Forty
eight hours afterward a woman called
on Mme. Meier with a baby, and a bar
gain was struck transferring the child,
which was registered as Mme. Meier's
child.
The husband paid his wife a flying
visit, saw the new-born babe and re
turned to Germany a happy man. A
little while ago the real mother of the
child appeared, and, having repaid the
money which she bad received, de
manded ber child. In this dilemma
Mme. Meier again advertised, this time
for a little girl 0 months old, of whom
a detailed description was given. To
her great Joy a woman appeared with
an Infant so like her own that any
observer would have taken the two
children for twins. Again a bargain
was struck, and Mme. Meier had ar
ranged everything to return her first
adopted child to Its mother when this
child caught cold and died.
Tho real mother (of No. 1) then turn
ed up and refused to take Mme. Meter's
word, although the death certificate
was shown her, and sbe claimed baby
No. 2, which she swore was her own.
To make matters still more compli
cated, the mother of No. 2 baby now
came upon tbe scene and claimed her
child. Neither promises nor threats
had any effect on the two women, who
both claimed tbe same baby. In de
spair Mme. Meier wrote to her hus
band In Germany, making a clean
breast of tho matter, and telling him
what a terrible predicament she was
In.
The husband arrived borne on the fol
lowing day and refused to believe his
wife's story, had everything packed up
and took bis wife and child off to Ger
many with blm.
At the Instigation of her husband.
Mme. Meier has now put lu a claim for
tho child also, and tbe magistrate.
therefore, has the herculean task be
fore him of deciding to which of the
three "mothers" tho child belongs.
Somewhat Disquieting.
"How did old Btsslnger treat you
when you asked him for Maud?"
lie got the start of mo by fiercely
Inquiring whnt I meant by my atten
tions to Minnie. I told blm I hadn't
paid nny attentions to Minnie. Then
ho roared right out and asked me why
I hadn't. I said It was because I pre
ferred Maud. Tben bo looked' at ma
pityingly nnd said I was tho sixth Idiot
to apply for ndmlsslon to tho family.
I mustered up courage to ask him who
the other five were, and ho replied that
they were his tlvo bous-Iii-Iuw. 'Not
ono of them knew enough to take Min
nie,' be suld, "and yet she Is tho only
one of tho bunch worth marrying, I
said It was a matter of taste, I sup
posed, but I couldn't help preferring
Maud. 'All right. It's your funeral,'
ho said. 'Maud Is yours. Let's have
something.' "Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Loss of Vessols.
Four per cent of Balling vessels and
-Vi per cent of steamships are lost In a
years.
A boy's Idea of a big man Is a man
who has a town named after him.