CUBA mi CUHANS FULL CONTIIOL WILL UE GIVEN ON MAY 20. Secretary limit llai Ordered Hit Withdrawal ul All Trnopi Uxcf pt a Small I'orce ul Atllllity, which Itemalnt Tcnipornrlly All Truly Ohlhpillorii Mini be Aiiumed ly (he New Oovirnmtnl. Washington, March 1!7. Hmulnry Itool Iiiih ninilo publln hla ordor to (lull end Wood (lirrrt Ihk tiim to turn over tho government uinl control of Culm to iln pooplo May i!0 noxt. Tlio order re quires the Cuban government ti uhmiiiiu nil trinity obllgutlona nml illiectM (Ion crul Woiid to inutliiuuiiu artillery form, to avoid leaving tint IhIiiihI mitiri'ly ! iiiiiiIi)m, until tli" Cuban government nl lit 1 1 Iiiivii oipiirtiiiilty to ornn nto Its own forces, (itiiiiiriil Wood also Ih ill rocUxl to convene tho Cuban congress laifort) Miiy 1!0. Iln also la directed In coiihtilt with I'rosldoiit-iilcc.t I'iiIiiiii mid substitute such pnrsoiiH iih ho ahull do nlru (or tliuj.il now holding olllelnl jmjhI- tioilN ill Culnl. Tlm'tnxt of tlin order follows: "War Popartmout, Washington, March 'Jl, lim'.'. Sir: You mo nil thorlr.cd lo provide for tlio iuaiigurn tlon on tlin l!(Hli of May next of tlio government olcclod liy tlio people of Culm, mid upon tlin establishment of said government to lonvo tlio govern intuit ami control of tlio island of Culii to iln iooilo, iiiriiiirit to tlio provi sinus of tlin net of congrosH entitled, 'mi net making appropriation for the iirmy for tlio II wii I year ending .lunii fill, 11)02, approved March 1001. "Upon tlio tniiiHfor of government nml control to tlio priHlduut mid con greHi co elected you will udviso them that meli trmiHfnr in upon tlio express understanding and condition tluit tlio now government docs thereupon mid by tlio nrri'pliini'i) thonsif, purHiiiiut to tlio provisions of tlio appendix to tlio eon stltutlnn of Cnli.i, adopted by tlio con tllulinmil convention on tlio 1-tli of Juno. I (III I , assume and undertake all and several tlio obligations assumed by tlio United States wltli ro-firi-t to Cuba by tlio treaty liotw eon tlio t'nltisl Stilton ol Arnorica and ber inajeity, tlio queen regent of Spain, signed at I'iiHh on tlio 10th day of Pcccinlior, 1HIIH. It Ih tlio purport of tlio I'liitod HtatcH government forthwith u'iii tlio lining uratlon of tlio now government of Culm In tiiriiilniito tlio occupancy of the inland by tlio t'nltod States mid with draw from that Maud tlio military fnrrus now in occupancy thoroof, hut for tlio preservation and cam of tho count defenses of tlio inln nl , and to avoid leaving tho island entirely do iinstdesH against oxterncl attack, you may lu.ivo in tlio nmHt fortifications rncli email numbor of artllleryiiieu nt may Imi necessary, for Mich rnai-onahio tlrno ax may bo required to enablo tho new government to organize mid Hiihstl Into therefor an adequate military force of iln own. "Yon will convono tho congress olrclml by tlio people of Culm in joint region at such reasonable thno beforo tho UDth of May at Hhall Ik) norossnry thnrnfor, for tho purpo-oof pel forming tlio dtitltit of counting and ratifying tlio olectnriiil voto for president and vlco pro-blent under tho tith article of tho Cubin coiiNtitution. At tho Hauio time yon will publiMli and certify to tho poo plu of Culm tho iiiNtruiiiont ailoptod no tho constitution of Culm by tho const! tutional convention on tho !ilat day of Ktbtmry, 1001, together with tho up point i i addod thereto and forming a part thoroof, ailoptod by tho said con vontlon on tlio llith day of Juno, 11101. It in tho understanding of tho govern moot of tho United States that tho gov ernniont of tho inland will pain to tho now proniduut mid congress of Cuba iih a govorulng concern, all tho lawn pro mulgated by tho government of occupa tion continuing in forco and effect, aud all tho judicial and xubordiuato oxoim tivo mid iidminiHtrativo ollivialH coutin niiiK in tho lawful dlpcharKo of their praient functionn until changed by the countltutional olllcer of tho now govern rnent. At tho ranio momont tho re RIKiiiNibillty of tho United Stilton for tho collection mid oxpenditiiro of revenue nml for tho projier porformauro of duty by tlin oflh'om mid oinployei of tho in milar gnvornmoiit will end and tho re npoiiHibllity of tho now govornmunt of Calm will, therefore, commence. "In ordoi to avoid any ombarranfi mont to tho now proHidunt which might nrlxo from hin iiflnuming oxecutivo ro cponHihilltleH with NubordiuatoN whom lie doo-i not know, or In whom ho ban no confldonco, and to avoid any ocni dion for Hwooping clmngon in tho civil porvico pormnnul linmodlatoly after tho Inauguration of tho now gnvorumoiit, npiirnval In given to tho course which yon hiwo nlroady proponed of consult ing tho pronidout-olect mid mibmittlng beforo tho !?0th of May, whorovor ho nhnll eo do"lro, for tho purHonH now holding nfUcial pnnitlona micli poreona an ho may donlgnnto. ' "I do-iro that you commnnicnto tlio eontoutH of tli Ih letter to Mr. Talma, tho prt'Hidont-oloc.t, nml uncertain whether tho conrn3 nbnvo ilocrlbod ar tonU wltli bin viowannd winhos. Vory renpoi'tfullv, 'KUIIU ItOOT, Bocrotary of War." Intent of Anglo.Jjpancic Treaty, Bt. I'otnraburg, March 27. Accord ing to advices received hero from Port Arthur, it la believed thoro that tho real intontof tho Anglo-Japanoso treaty In to compol ItuHflia to evacuate Man clmria Tho Japanoo havo nlroady oa- tflbliHit'(l n Japanopo-Clilnopo bank to corn polo with tho ItUBtia-ChtnoRO bank, and a Jiipniicso institution luia Bucured eoncoPHlons to exploro for gold In Manchuria. PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT UtLL. Meaiure I'ollowi Tint ol Cooper, favored by Judi(c Tall. Wanhlnglon, March 'It. Tho Itopub I i cit II moiuborn of tho houmi committed on Innillar affalra are rapidly perfecting tho hill providing a civil form of gov ernment for tho riilllpplucM. In tho main tho moiiMiro iih perfected followa that Introduced by Chairman Cooper aud favored by .ludgo Tnfl. In Ita present form tlio bill providoM for tho liihlltutlon of i Ivil govnrnineiit in tlio Philippines; when tint guvnrn monln nil coitify to tho president that it stale of permanent peace baa been m ciirod. Thoreaftor a census Ih to bo held aud tho IsIiiiiiIn divided Into dis tricts. A legislalivo ansouibly in ('re nted, comdhting of two hniiMn. Tlio up per limiso Ih to Mime extent n contin uance of tho Philippine inminlsslon. Tho lovtor liouso of Philiiplno assem blymen In to ho elected by (ho people. Today 'm mjhhIiiii of tbo seiiato cone mltteo wan devoted to a consideration of that portion of tho Philippine gov ernment bill which refers to the land held by the roligloiiHorderH. Tim prop osition wan not formally disposed of, but members of tho committee general ly oxproH-cd tlio opinion that tho pro vision would be allowed to stand prac tically iih it wan after tlio committee concluded Its work today. Tim only material amendments made today re plied to tho payment for tho land. Olio of them provided that tho bonds to bo Issued to secure the means, for tlio tin rclin ho of tho lands by tho govern ment from tho frlarn shall bo made payable in gold or ita equivalent in Philippine currency, mid another that they shall dr.:w interest at tho rato of I per cent, instead of -I per cent, iih originally provided. It wan stilted in tho course of tho meeting that the lands would not cost to exceed (7,000,000. GENERAL OTI8 RETIRES. Unuitnl Tribute Paid to the Old Soldier by (he War Department. Washington, March t!7. Major Oicn- eral I). S. (His closed bis active career In tbo army today by reason of ago, mid will go into retirement. Iln will bo succeeded in command of tho Depart ment of tho Lakes at Chicago by Major Ceiieral Mac-Arthur. Tho war department paid an unusual tribute to General Otis in Issuing a general ordor reciting tho distinguished services of tho olllcer, not only through the civil war, but in bin management at Manila. In conclusion Secretary Root Hiiyn: "(mural OUh poos into bin retirement ) ith a consciousness of duty well done during -10 yearn of con tinuous and exceptionally meritorious service, which entitles him to the grat itude and lsjst w ishes of ! Ih country inun." Detective li Miulcg. Wellington, Kan., March 2". A do- tectivu named Ferguson, who Iiiih been working on the murder case of Mont gomery, the Santa l'o Railroad detec tive, ban been missing for several days, and in believed to have been dealt with at tho hands of the gang that killed Montgomery. Montgomery wan killed at bis homo last fall at Win field, while prosecuting a case for tho railroad, l-'ergiison recently waa Instrumental in the arrest of two men charged with Montgomery'a death. Cecil Khodci' Condition. CaiioTown, March 27. Cecil Rhodes experienced a very bad heart attack yesterday afternoon, from which he did not rally iih he has done from pruvioua attacks of thin nature. At midnight ho waa weaker than at nny time during hin Illness. Oxygon baa been ad minis terial daily, and ho In frequently tapped for dropsy. His friends enterain little hopo for Ilia recovery. To Study American Method). Berlin, March 20. At a conferonco of cotton oxperta held at tho Colonial olllco today it waa resolved to dispnteh a commisHion to tho United States to sttidv tho cultivation of cotton, with tho view of tho establishment of exper imental stations, in German Kaet Africa on American linen. Government Orders Steamer Libeled. W'naliiiigton, March 27. Attorney General Knox today telegraphed in- atrurtiona to tho United Staten attorney at Port Tow-mend, Wash., to libel tlio steamer ilhelminn, whoso captain ia stated to have brought into port two Chinamen whom ho put ashore mid as sisted to escape tho inspection olllcors. I'reildent't Day at Charleston. Clmrleaton, S. C, March 20. April I) has been cut apart as I'reaidunt'a day at tho exposition, Tho foaturu of the day will bo the presentation to Major Jenkins by hia- former chiof ol the Rough Riders of n beautiful uword from tho South Carolinians. Turkish Troops for Albania. London, March 27. "A report haa boon received from Constantinople," cables a correspondent of tlio l)ally Chronicle, "that 40 Turkish battaliona havo been mobilized for Borvico in Albania, where thoro la a rolgn of anarchy." American Government Sounded. London, March 27. Tho Daily Chronicle, In nn editorial thla morning on tho statement that Franco and Rus ala have Bounded tho United States with regard to ita attitmlo in regard to tlio Anglo-Japanoso nllianco, says it looka na if Franco nnd Russia wore al ready reckoning up tho chancos of tho game. Tho Chronlclo asks what might happen if they could reckon on Amer ica's friondllnees or ovon neutrality in tho far Kaat. A STJtlKK LMM INENT MINEWORKER8 I88UE ULTIMA TUM AND ADJOURN. Mailer Is Now in the Hands of the Civic l ed. eratlon failure on Its Part will Remit in a Itcpellllon of the Great Struggle ol 1900 Will Affect 140,000 Men President Mitchell Makes a Statement. Hhiiinokln, Pa., March 20. Ifnlesn tho efforts of tho Civic Federation aro effective with tho co.il operators, It ia more than probable that a ropctilbiii of tho 1000 struggle will cccur in tho an thrucilo region. In that year 110, 000 cmploycH of tho anthrneito miiiea wero on strike for six weeks. The conven tion yesterday of districts Nes. 1, 7 mid 0, United Mlneworkura of America, which districts comprise the entire an thrneito field, made a provisional strike declaration, leaving tlio date to he de clared by the executive boards of the throe districts. Thin was practically the histollicial act of tho delegates, and the convention adjourned sine die at i o'clock josterday afternoon. The adoption of tho resolution con taining the ultimatum of the miuework era wuh followed by a fceno of wild en thusiasm, and tho opera house rang with the exclamations of the delegatoa, who, with lusty cheera, approved the work of the special resolution commit tee mid expressed their confidence in President Mitchell. The result of tho first session showed a disposition to in sist on an adjustment of the miners' grievance-, but tho delegates were will ing to relinquish the question of recog nition providing more comoasiona wero granted. Thin fact in evidenced in the resolution adopted which spates, as the chief demand, a shorter work day, a minimum day wage scale, a uniform increase in wagon, mid tho weighing of coal wherever practicable. Tho Civic Federation in regarded by the dele gatus iih tho last hope of the ininowork ith in their demnniN for improved con ditions, and the gravity of the situation waa manifest in tbo words of President Mitchell: "I am free to say that to mo a strike seems imminent." Tho resolution ndopted waa tho result of a difference of opinion among tho delegates aa to the methoda to bo pur sued in enforcing tho minoworkers' de mands. Resolutions had been presented to the convention from foveral dia trictn, but none of thorn wore H.itiifac tory to tho entire body of delegates. It was then decided to place the matter in the hands of President Mitchell and tho district presidents and vlco presidents. He fore completing tho draft of the reso lution, President Mitchell communi cated with tho presidents of tho coal carrying roada, making a last appeal for n conference. RIGHTS OF IRELAND. Redmond and Devlin, at Chicago. Appeal for Their Cauie. Chicago. March 20. William Red mond and Joseph Devlin, Irish mem be ra of Parliament, beforo an audience of 10,000 persons hero mado a stirring nppeal for tlio nghta of Ireland, and spoko in praise of tho liners in their heroic Mrugglo against tho British. At the close of tho meeting hundreds of persona pledged themselves to tho sup port of tho cause by becoming members of the Irish League. "If our policy in tho Ilntiah parlia ment can do nothing else, wo can ex pose our grief; wo can harass tho Ilrit ish empire; wo can stand upon tho floor of tho parliament nnd pray and call God's blessing on the lloora overy timo tho English aro defeated, " said Mr. Redmond. "If wo cannot in tho ICng lish parliament win homo rule, I prom ise you wo will destroy tho parliament of England; if wo cannot govern our selves, wo can tnko good caro not to al low them to govern themselves." TO RAISE THE ISLANDER. Contract Closed for Floating and Bringing to Port the Wrecked Alaska Steamer. Victoria, II. C., March 20. Captain J. G. Cox, Ilritish Columbia's agent for Lloyd's, has closed a contract with Suttees llopo, of Seattle, for tho rais ing of tho steamer Islander nnd bring ing her to Victoria or aomo other Cana dian port. Tho Islander waa loat In a collision wdth an iceberg at tho en trance of Lynn canal on tho night of August IB of last year. Treasure that has been variously estimated nt from $1(50,000 to $27fi,000 wont down with tho Hlenmer, and no attempt has boon made to recover nny of it. Whero the steamer sank thoro is n depth of water upward of 40 fathoms, but tho exact depth wherein bIio settled has never been ascertained. IIopo agrees to start work within 00 days, nml is to receive 75 per cent of tho value of tho hull when raised, nnd will also havo claims for salvage and get tho gold. Italy Denies the Report Home, March 20. Humors to tho effect that nn Italian expedition against Tripoli was being fitted out nt Nnplos and Spezla havo been curront for two weeks past, but they havo beon persist ently but not categorically denied by tho government of Itnly. Statue of McKlnlcy. Now York, March 2(1. Tho first statuo to tho lato President McKinloy has just boon delivered In tho plaster to n foundry nt Providenco, K. I., whero it will bo cast in brnnzo nt onco nnd bo rondy to bo unveiled nt Muskegon, Mich., on Momorlnl day. Tho Fculptor was woll equipped for tho undertaking, as ho had mado n bust of tho lato pros Idont and had nil neccsnry mcaauro monta, which ho had mado nt a sitting Major McKinloy gnvo hint. A I.irtltiic Machine. Thr device hIiowii Ih Just the thing for tin farm that la operated by ono man with occasional help, aa many fnrini are run. A platform, of any ill ineiiHloiiH desired, la built of heavy oak planks with ri hole cut In the middle In which Is Inserted 11 post made of limber three or four Inches aqunre. A (dot la cut In lids post to extend nearly one half Its length, ami Ih nn Inch nnd n half wide. The lever aliould be made of timber one and a half Inches wide co na lo III anugly Ih the slot. This lever la bolted Into position. A number of holes should be bored through this lever so that a longer 11 nn may be had ! UKTINQ MACHINK. on one side of the post when wanted; iih a rule the lever workH beat when It extends about double the distance on 0110 hide. If the object to be moved Is heavy It may be bent to spike the plat form to the ground, which may be read ily done by the use of long wooden pegs driven through holes bored In each cor ner of the platform. It will be noticed that two holes are bored In the post, below where the lever arm la fastened, permitting the operator to lower the nrm to suit the work he has to do. This lifter will be found very handy In mov ing logs, grain In bags and other heavy things which must be handled on the farm. Wlient lis Stock I'ccil. The Topeka State Journal says that a I miller ami grain dealer In McPhcrson, Kan., says there Is less wheat In Mc Phcrson County than for many years nt the Bame date. The scarcity of corn and its high price havo led many to feed It to tocU. lie claimed to know of some who had fed out ri.OtK) bushels, nnd one man, who sold 7.000 bushels last July, had since bought 8,000 bush el to feed Oiit, and another had bought 15,000 bushels for the same purpose. He estimated the nmount fed on the farms In that county nt not less than COO bushels on each farm, nnd the to tal as not less than half the crop of 1001. White we think these Ilgures may be 11 little exaggerated, or more than a little If applied to more than the one county, we do not find fault If they nre true. Though In the Kasteru States, we used to think wheat Hour j bread n luxury compared to that made f renii cornmcal. or "rye aud Indian" meal. If the farmers there can grow wheat so that It costs less than corn, let them feed It. us It has about the same nutritive value. Not mauy years ago the farmers of Knnsns and Ne braska were reported as burning their corn because n ton of It would not buy n ton of coal, nnd made a better fire. Now If a bushel of ground wheat will fatten as many steers or hogs as n bushel of common!, nnd costs less, let them use It. American Cultivator. llnme-Mailo Milk Aerator. It pays to use some standard device for aerating and cooling the mill: drawn fresh from the cows. The nera- tlon of warm milk Is very I mportant when several cows nre milked. For a small quantity of milk In shotgun caus a honie-tnade device can be utilized. The accompanying cut Illustrates Its con- milk ALiiATon. struenon nnu use. Proeuren good hand bellows and have a tinsmith solder on a small tin tube, with n "rose" attachment nt the bot tom, somewhat like that shown nt A In the cuL II represents a brace sol dered on to make the attachment more rigid. A clamp can be attached nt O to fasten to the edge of the can, though the bellows enn bo easily operated without. It may be necessary to extend the tube of the bellows nt D. This ar rangement will work sntlsfnctorlly In quickly nrentlng n enn of wnrm milk nnd can be done while the enn Is setting In wntcr to cool down. Hoard's Dairy man. Growing BorKhitm for Stock, The f nil tiro of the corn crop Inst year will Induce farmers to plant more or less of other things the coming season. Alfalfa, millet, sorghum nnd speltz will nil be tried, nnd In some localities ono or more will bu found n most do si ruble uddltlon to crops for stock. The culture of sorghum Is extending, nnd tests have proved that Its culture Is not confined to fnvored sections, but thnt It enn probnbly bo grown with success wherever corn enn be grown. The plnnt Is drought-resisting. It yields heavily nnd the stnlks. If properly cured, aro eaten and relished by all farm stock The main trouble experl-j enerd with sorghum In In the curing the crop seems to he na easily raised na corn, but It Is beat cured under cover by netting It In small shock rilling the wall of n shed. It may he cured In I ho field, like corn. If put Up In Hinall shocks. Kvory farmer with cowh or hwIiio should give up an aero of ground thl.i aprlng for sorghum. Von may not bo able to grow It with full success thin year, but will learn Its needs thoroughly, so thnt the next sea son it will be n HUecess. The Ideal I'll r m Home. Forty years ago this subject would have mount something quite different from what It does at prtnent. siys In dlann I"a nn er. Then 11 plain frntno building, with plastered walla nnd n brick chimney would have seemed n great ndvnnci on the double log cabin, with Its Htlek mid mud chimney nt either end. the well sweep In the yard, chickens roosting In the trees or In the ft out yard waa not deemed out of place In early days, nnd shade trees, shrubbery and (lower beds were ex ceptional, If not unknown. The Ideal farm homo as wo now re gard It, must have many ornamental featurcH mid numerous conveniences that In pioneer days were unthought of. As to externals our flrat thought la regarding walks and drives. They should bo dry nnd clean. Mud should not be tracked Into tho house, and to prevent thla gravel should be used freely, not only to make walks to barnyards nml outhouses, but to build drives from the road In front to tho wngon shod In the roar. A shed or covered way ought to extend from a side porch of the house to the drive so the ladles can enter or depart from the carriage dry shod. It must have n telephone connecting with all tho neighborhood and the towns nnd vil lages near. It can have a dally mall, which It easily can have If the roads are what they ought to be. It must have shade trees, vines, shrubbery nnd flowers In the blue-grass lawn, nnd n small fruit ns well as a vegetable gar den, well stocked with the bet varie ties and well tended, and It should be convenient to the kitchen, so as to be most avallahlo and useful. Htileld for the Crnmpcr. J. F. Granger, of Waukesha County, Wisconsin, writes Iowa Homestead: "I enclose a sketch of a good plan to keep n horse that is nn habitual cramper from getting his tall over the line aud giving trouble. It u c k 1 e two lengths of light leather from hip strap around the tall above the breeching, making It fit easily nnd loosely over the tail. I'rom the buckle of the crupper on each side fasten a perpendicular strap on each side of the rump. Make n leather network down to the bottom piece, und one will have a device that will let the horse switch his tall nnd at the same time will prevent any trouble coming from getting his tall over the lines." Doei 9licei-ltatslnc Par. To this question the sheep raiser on land at u low value will undoubtedly nusner yes, aud the man on high price laud no. It would seem us if some thing was wroug with this state of af fairs. Vear by year the raising of sheep In large numbers changes from the high price farm to the one where land Is cheat). It may be true that In the East where farms nre held nt prices more than double thnt asked for laud In sectlotis of the West, farmers can not afford to raise sheep, yet why not? In any section where sheep can lie raised without the winter season of feeding being too long sheep should be raised with protlt regardless of tho land value of the farm, within reason, of course. It is largely n question of Intelligent management. Just us with nny other crop. Everything seems to point to a decided change In methods during the coming years, and tho thoughtful farmer with some knowl edge of sheep raising Is beginning to feel that by keeping up the fertility of Ids farm he can raise sheep as profit ably for bis market us his dlstaut com petitor for his. licet Pulp aa Feed. Seven thousand sheep nnd 150 steers nre on feed on the beet pulp nt the I'ort Collins 1C0I0.) sugar refinery. The company nlso sells the pulp nt SO cents per ton, and the sheep eat between tea and fifteen pounds of It each day, while each steer tucks away from 100 to 150 pounds dally nnd often bawls for more. Tho feeding Is lurgely of the experimental order ns yet. The ofllclnls say that they will Import some grain In order to finish the animals properly before scudlug them to mar ket. Coat of Keeping 11 Hen. There Is considerable difference of opinion ns to how much It costs to keep a hen. Tho cost depends upon the hen's ability to forago. It Is n saving aud clenr gnln to convert refuse Into eggs and ment. Tho cost of keeping n hen has been vnrlously estimated nt from SO cents to $1.50 n year. It costs moro In the Northern States than lit the Southern Stntes. It costs more If the hens are confined than If they are al lowed to run. A Ham for tho Cows. Don't keep cows In same barn with other stock. Time Is money, therefore the barn should be convenient for clean ing ouL for feeding nnd for getting cows In nud out. It should allow an abundance of sunshine. Tho ten dollar note, known as the "Buffalo mil," has on It the face of a suicide, Meriwether Lewis. Canada Inst year ndded Ml to Iti railroad uilleuge aud Mr xlco (Uft, TOO LAZY TO LIVE OFI DIE. The Chntnplmi I.iir.jr Mini nmt Some of IIU ItCKt (Jimllllcn. He Is n lnzy man; he nilmlts It him self. In fact, he rather prides himself upon Ida lazlncKH. "Really." lie said one day, "It Is too much trouble to live. ' Naturally the assertion surprised n. large number of people. They admitted that It waa occasionally difficult for n man to live the way he would like to live, but there were few Indeed who objected to the trouble of living nt nil. Still, the aim Is to please. "Why don't you die?" they asked . "Too much trouble," replied the Inr.y man. "Why, you can He down most any where and die," they said. "That's whero you're wrong," return ed the lazy man. "If I He down here In the street the chances nre that some Itody will catch me by the collar nnd yank me to my feet, nml then n police man will come nlong nnd run me In. Think of the nmount of trouble thnt would be!" "Vou might stop eating," they sug gested. "Trouble! More trouble!" he replied. "Somebody would find It out nnd I'd hnve no peace at all. It's easier to cat than It la to go without." "Shoot yourself," they persisted. "Too much trouble to go after a re volver, aud then I'd have to be dodging nround to find a chance to do tho Job without having somebody yank the pistol away from me." "At any rnte." they asserted, "yon can throw yourself from the top of some building." "Too much trouble to climb up to IL" he answered. "No gentlemen, there Is no hope for me. If I could stand here and fnll up Into space I might try. hot until that can be done I'll buvc to keep 011 living. It's hard, very hard. How ever, If any of you happen to have a cigar and a match and will stick the cigar In my mouth and light It for me. you mny go on about your business with the consciousness of hnvlng done a graceful and praiseworthy act thnt will have n tendency to reconcile the laziest ,man on earth to his surround ings for a few minutes longer." WHEELED HIMSELF IN BARROW. It was after n bitter argument over the Senatorial contest recently waged In New Jersey. "I'll tell you what I'll do If thnt Dryden Is elected," said William Campbell, of Camden, to the man with whom he had been hnvlng the argument "I won't wheel yon around In a wheelbarrow, but I will wheel myself." There was a general laugh at Campbell's expense, but he promised to make good, despite their derision. The day after Dryden was nominated Campbell's friend bad to leave town on a business trip. When, he returned Campbell met blm at the station. "Well, I've paid my bcL" Campbell told him, and banded him a photograph to ptove the truth of his statement All except expert photog raphers may have their doubts, but Campbell's friend was satisfied. Why lie Kept a Dor. A prominent dog fancier and wealthy man of Philadelphia stepped Into a gro cery the other night and accidentally stumbled over a fat old German, who was sitting In a corner smoking fats pipe. Under his chair was the most remark able specimen of n dog that the gentle man had ever seen. It bad the appear ance of a pug, with rough red hair and n long tall. It was Impossible to resist laughing at the placid old man and his nondescript dog. "What kind of a dog Is thatr asked the gentleman. "I don't know," replied the German. "I suppose you use him for hunting!" "No." "Is he good for anything?" "No." "Then why do you value him bo?" "Because he likes me," said the old fellow, still pulling at his pipe, and the expression of the dog us be looked up from under the chair fully confirmed the statement. "There Is no better or stronger reason than thnt," asserted the gentleman em phatically as ho walked away. Phila delphia Press. Jewelers' Dummy Clock. A paragraph has been going tho rounds of the press that the dummy clocks used by Jewelers and other deal ers lu timepieces ns advertisements al ways Indicate the hour of 8:18 to com memorate the precise moment nt which President Lincoln was assassinated. Lincoln did not arrive nt Ford's Thea ter until 0 o'clock, nnd Booth did not shoot him until after 10. Ills death oc curred nt 7:30 tho next mornlug. New York Press. Tho Fretful Itaby In an Omntbaa. A correspondent of the Loudon Pall Mall Oazetto vouches for this Incident: A youug woman with a fretful baby la a full omnibus (aloud): "Poor little nip per, I suppose I shall end by 'avlng to take 'lm to the 'orspltnl, (liaising the child's veil and looking around for sym pathy.) Dou't get no rest 'B Is sutTcr ln' so with smnllpox." We have found out why we accom plish nothing: It Is too hot In summer and tho days are too short In winter.