I KISSED THE COOK.
I klsacil the cook. Ah, met She was divine
Checks peachy, dark-brown eyes, lips red
as wine;
'Long npron with a bow,
A cap ns white as Aiiow,
By far too tempting, so I kissed the cook.
I kissed the cook, this angel from the
skies.
And yet 1 did not tnke her by surprise.
.'Twos mean, I will allow,
Hot If you'll make the tow
To keep it, I'll tell you how I kissed the
cook.
nn' says It wos a flve-to-ono cnance.
Then 'c thinks n bit. Then 'c nays VII
try It. Then I volunteers for you nn'
1110 to stop, a-causc It wos us wot for
merlnted the Invention. 'Couple of
damn scamps afore you Joined, eh?'
'o says. 'Certu'l. majer,' I says, sooth-
In'-llkc. Then I feels suniniut a-foolln'
about life lu the darkness, nu' when I
grabbed It I found It wos tho major's
hand."
"Snlpey," said Kipper, reproachfut
ly. "you're a bllsterln' liar!"
"That's the kernel of It, mate. It's
true about the band, though, Kip."
Poor, helpless little
I kissed the cook,
lass
The chance so good I could not let It pass.
Her hands were in the dough.
She dare not spoil, you know,
'My Sunday suit, and so 1 kissed the cook.
II.
I kissed the cook. I might have been
more strong,
.But then I guess It wasn't Tcry wrong,
?Kor just 'tween you and me,
iThe cook's my wife, is she;
."So I'd a right, you sec, to kiss the cook.
Selected.
i.
i -
NIPEY and Kipper stood In the
dock, with a don't-care-a-flg-for-
anybody air.
"What's the charge against these fel
lows?" Inquired the magistrate.
"Drunk and disorderly, your wor
ship, and assaulting the police."
There was no defense.
"Any previous convictions"" asked Uls
worship, with n 6our look at the two
youths of promise.
Kipper thrust bis hands deep Into his
pockets; Snlpey, somewhut older,
watched the dock-keeper with an
anxious eye. There were previous con
victions. "That will do!" said his worship,
severely. "You are evidently Incorrigi
ble. Such fellows are the weeds of so
ciety. It's a pity you cau't be er
plucked out. 1'ou will be removed to
the house of correction for three
months."
A raw-footed and broken detachment
of a British Infantry regiment was
stumbling gamely along a dreary ra
vine In the Inte'rlor of China. The regi
ment helped make up a relief force
which was hurrying to the rescue of a
missionary station. Two smart com
panies had mustered In tho gray light
oi cany morning and liml set out to
reconnolter In the hills. Through n child
like faith lu the efliceney of the In
formation supplied by n so-called Intel
ligence department, the major com
manding the detachment had got hope
lessly out of bis reckoning. The Intel
ligence department of the Chinese bad
not misled them, and by the late after
noon the British had fallen Into an am
bush. From the rock ridges Hanking
the ravine the Chinese showed now aud
then the gleam of a scimitar to their
prey. Little puffs of smoke appeared
more frequently still, and were some
times followed by sickening little
"plops," when the bullet met llesh and
bono In the valley. The dead lay
sprinkled In the wake of the British In
dabs of scarlet, as If they were playing
a weiru game or bare aud-houuds with
aeatti.
rni. i - . f
j.uv ejiu oi meir endurance came
wnen the shadows of the rapidly ap
proaciuug nigm closed in upon them
The word to halt was given and obeyed
although Its mellow note killed all hone
Itatlons of flour and water were passed
rounu, and, with the sentries posted,
me utile body of British soldiers sa
or lay at ease, rifle In hand,' waiting
lor nigm anu (lentil.
ai ,.
in uuuih imnseu; men Jllo com
mandlng officer was startled from a
doze by a hoarse whisper.
"Majer! majerl"
naiio; no snapped. "Who the
flevll's that?"
.tie, majer I'rivlt 'Arrlson. I've bin
a-talkln' the persltlon over with a mate
friend, hoggin" ycr pard'n, slr-o'
mine, an' we thinks theers a charnce o
savin' tno detachment."
There were a few expletives In the
darkness.
"Who told the privates the detach
ment wanted any saving?"
Then there was a sound like a sup
pressed chuckle, aud tho whisper re
asserted Itself. By and by tho cxple-
uves meneu into answering whispers,
. men followed silence.
Ten minutes after there slipped Into
tho silence the rustle of gently moving
men.
"Snlpey, ole man!"
"Kipper!"
Two hands groped ridiculously n tho
, tnuy nigut until they found each other,
i A few answering cracks from the hills
were roiiowed by the hum of wasted
ammunition.
"Majer said as It wns a flve-ter-one
charnce," replied Snlpey, with some
thing of Importance creeping into his
tone.
"Wot else did 'e say, mate, when yer
axed lm?"
"Say? Why, n few hloomln alr
lifters nt fust, as It's 'Is nature to. Then
says I, '.Me an' my pal, majer, reckons
as these pigtails wun't want ter tackle
In the darkness, n-causo they might get
cut up a bit, so they'll wait an' pot us
comfcrable In tho mornln',' 'Bight y'
are, ole chiip,' says 'e. Then I says,
'But If. wo tried to do a guy, majer,
, olp pal, they'd smell a rat, an' be down
on us like a lot o' winter sparrers on a
midden.' 'Considerable powers o' pen
etration,' 'c says. t 'Then,' says I, 'ma
jor, here's our plan. Let ono or two
stop behind nn keep a-llrin' from dif
ferent places, an' they'll think wo'ro
all 'ere; then tho rest o' the detachment
can creep off foxy.' Tho majer swears,
Crack, crack! Unceasingly the piti
less rltles told the lurking Chinese that
their British pigeons were safe In the
nest below.
"Kipper!"
"Ole pal!"
"We gotter remember one thing.
There must bo no bloomlu' surrender
In'." "Not a bit o surrenderin'." Thero
wns a decided quaver In the tone now.
"There wun't be no tnkln' prisoners!
We've took n great responsibility on fer
the regiment. There's n lot o' clarse
about the regiment, Kip, an we ain't
a-goln" to disgrace It. See?"
"Snlpey!"
"Kipper, ole man!" There was the;
same funny groping of hands In the
dark, the same tight, lingering grip
wtien they round each other.
Crack, crack!
"Curse this rifle!" said Snlpey. "How
she bumps!"
It was nearly 4 o'clock when Kipper
spoke again. The blackness was di
luted a little over the eastern ridge.
"Snlpey," be said, with a weary little
sob, "I'm a-gettin' 'ill!" Then after a
pause: "Snlpey, d'yer remember what
that Crucified Chap said when 'Ee got
tired when E was weary o' waltln',
I mean?"
"Don't give yer neck, mate!"
"Him wot the missionary told us about
when we wos kids," went on Kipper,
pauieiicany. "Wot was it?"
Snlpey sighed.
"I know, chummy. I wns Just a
thinking of It mesclf. "Ow long, O
Lord, 'ow long?'"
"That's It!" said Kipper, through his
chattering teeth. "Ow long, O Lord
BRITISH ELECTIONEERING. !
What It CmIi n Cnu Jlilnlc to llecoine
n Member of Parliament.
To tho worried London voter, halt
ing lu two minds. It mny be a consola
tion to know that, If thero happens to
be n contest lu his constituency, ho
will hnve cost each of two candidates
the nu m of 11 pence.
That Is the election agent's estimate
of the expense of a metropolitan or a
borough election, lu thu country the
expense will be much more than that.
There, where miles of hedgerow and
stubble stand In place of a trip on top
of nu omnibus, nu election agent Is al
lowed about 200 or 300 for traveling
expenses, and the same claim Is per
mitted to Hiibngents and to the candi
date himself.
CRUSADES BY WOMEN
ANTI-SALOON WAR STARTED
OHIO 30 YEARS AGO.
IN
How "Mother Htcwurt" Homed Tr
Continent mul CrentoJ the W. C. T. U
Movement IMnuuWe I Mis lloiiuli
Lltiior on Humlnr fr llvlileiicc.
Mrs. Carrie Nation's drastic method
of dealing with the unlicensed liquor
tralllc In Kansas recalls to old timers
the crusades of praying women whlc
started lu Ohio nearly thirty years ago
Like nil reform movements of a ritdlea
tyiH the crusade raged ns a reigning
That Is one of the Hems fad lu many parts of the United States
which make a provincial vote an ex- for some months after the outbreak
pensive commodity. iu Ohio. Just as Mrs. Nation's more v lu
lu both town and country the ex-! lent crusades seem uow certain to
pense to a candidate depends on the nread throughout the couutry. From
size of the constituency he proposes to j the movement Inaugurated In the early
capture. For an cvernge-slzed consti
tuency of, say. 8,000 votes, the candi
date Is allowed 300 lu expenses. Tho
limit of London's largest constituency
Is about 1,-100. In addition, the can
didate can spend, without saying why.
the sum of 100 on personal expenses,
nnd the agent's bill amounts to about
170 or 200.
Tnke It all together, a borough can
didate may spend 1,000 on an election,
nnd a country candidate: half as much
again.
What the candidate of his agent may
not spend Is perhaps more lmiorttint
than what he may. A canvasser who i
wants to cast his vote and wishes to
share a cab with n fellow-voter has to 1
be in a position to swear that each oc
cupant of the vehicle has seperately
and severally paid his own share In the
fare. If a canvasser treats a friend to
a drink nnd the friend has a vote lu the
constituency, the oposlte party can
endeavor to show that the drink was
Intended ns a bribe. The Illegal prac
tices act of 18S5 has made the path to
I'arllamentnryglory thorny and hazard
ous. London Mall.
MKS. CAIIIIIK NATION.
prosecution of llu' saloonkeeper and the
closing of his shop. Others followed,
for the women, rallied by tho enlh if
slasm of their lender. kept the erilsiulu
going nnd the newspapers inicrcsmi n.
the novel aellnii nrtml tin" I'I,'J',,,
Invited to
,.i-,i,wi Mrs. Stewart wns
talk lu small towns all iih' Hprltw
Held mid did so. with excellent results.
The Mrst orgiiiilxed xl'M' vl"u w"h
I., in i.'n.iiiiniii. N. Y.. on I lee- 15,
18:i. Mrs. U. McNeil as the leader
of the movement ami coiitiiiiieii to nm
with the organization of similar eru
sudes throughout the country. A lec
ture had been given lu the town by
Dr. Dlo Lewis, during the course of
which ho proposed saloon visitation, a
means of elo-tng saloons which his
mother, a total nlwtl ee woman, hud
years before found to bo successful,
i'he morning after the lecture the wom
en of the town met nnd. UK) strong,
took up their march from saloon to ia
loon.
A few days later the women of Ire-
donla organized their Woman's Tern
Hrance Union. At Jnmestown. N. Y
where Dr. Lewis lectured some days
later, a similar organization was er-i Washington, Fob. 4th. IBM
fected. At lllllsboro. Ohio, women In-J I'o-runa Drug M'f'g Co., Columluu 6
A VERY PROMINENT
Owes Health nnd Happiness (0
Pc-ru-nn.
( iihiiriiinmi llunant fruiii Vuu'iitiT"
Tho eastern sky was a. golden sea.
The rocky ridges and hills beneath
scorned blacker than ever, and from
that black smudge on the glory of the
dawn came half a dozen little puffs of
flame, and Kipper's rifle clattered down
upon the rocks. Snlpey groped about
In the gloom, and found his comrade on
his knees, gasping and splttlug mouth-
ruts or warm liquid.
"Wot yer doln. Kip?" he said,
anxiously.
He stood for a minute, still as the
rocks around, then stumbled forward
witli a sobbing cry of rage and misery.
in tno (inn ngtit tie saw Kipper lying
on his side, trying in valu to raise him
self upon his elbow.
"Kipper!" he whispered softly, fall
Ing on his knees beside his chum.
Kipper groaned, and pressed his
hand to his right breast.
'Through-tile lungs!" he said, In an
awed winsper, between the fits of
coughing that wrenched him. Snlpey
pressed his hand, with a sob.
"l or the regiment, Snlpey !" He
raised himself on his elbow, nnd his
chum Hung nn arm around his neck to
support him. "There's a bit 'o clarse
about the reg "
A fresh bit of coughing brought In
tense ugony; nfter It was over his head
fell back.
Snlpeypulledouthls handkerchief to
wipe the blood from the dead lips. It
was a miniature copy of the British
flag. He remembered how the hand
kerchiefs had taken the fancy of
the soldiers Just before they left Eng
land, aud how the regiment had
bought up the whole stock.
He stared stolidly at the quiet face
for a minute, then spread the little flag
over It.
When Snlpey turned once more to
face the east the day had broken glori
ously. Ills rifle was empty, and ho
slipped a fresh cartridge Into the
breech. Then, with a sudden thought,
he fetched Kipper's rifle and loaded
that, too.
When the Chinese closed round In
the growing light they found their pot
shot prey had flown. A solitary Brit
ish soldier, with hands and chin resting
on the muzzle of his gun, stood await
ing their vengeance.
The weapon sprang to the aching
shoulder, and one yellow foo lay
corpse, with the report of Kipper's
gun another pressed his hand to n mor
tal wound, nnd the affair was finished,
But that morning, In the mess-tents
of the rescued regiment, tho story of
how a couple of weeds had been pluck
ed from the garden of society wns told
with misty eyes and glowing hearts,
THINGS YOU OUGHT TO KNOW,
In 1000 the German mints coined
SW,-J25,000 In gold and $5,023,000 lu sil
ver.
Lignum vltae Is the thoughest wood
Known. It cannot be worked by split
ting. Fourteen women received the doctor's
degree last year nt the University of
Zurich.
Naturalists say the lobster will soon
follow the buffalo and diamond-back
terrapin.
Sugarcane grows In size nccordlng to
rfhe chance given. Its height ranges 0
to 20 feet.
Two billion passangers aud 050,000.
000 tons of goods are carried In a year
on me world's rullwnys.
in Brussels automobiles are taxed
from 30 to CO francs per annum, ac
cording to horse power.
seventies, came the organization of the
Women's Christian TemiK'rance Cnlon
of the present world-wide Imixirtnnee.
This movement was started by a sin
gle woman, known later as "Mother
Stewart," nnd It was through her per
sistence aud energy that It wns carried
Into effect. Mrs. Stewart lived nt
Sprlngtleld, Ohio, at the close of the
war and It was there aud then that the
crusade was brewing, lu Ohio in LS70
the law of 1S51. known ns the Adair
law. was so amended as to give the
wife or mother of a drunkard the right
to bring suit lu her own name against
a saloonkeeper for selling to her htu
baud or son.
In the winter of 1871 the town of
Sprlngtleld wns somewhat agitated by
i temperance movement which wns
then in fermentation. "Mother" Stew
art said In nfter years of this time:
"We had our seasons of spasmodic agi
tation lu a very mild form not calcu
ateii to iiurt anybody's business or
feelings." This agitation wns of lit
tie more value than were those tlm
spired by the success of their neigh
tor. started an uprising whleh was
soon Interesting the people of the
world. The women of HIIUlMiro did
nothing half way; they took the saloon
one by one and enmped at their front
doors until the proprietors were forc
ed from fear to shut up shop.
The crusade spread like wildfire, nnd
before the saloonkeeper knew exactly
wlint had happened they had cnpltulat-
d. Mother Stewart, who had by this
time a world-wide reputation, was
touring the country, leading women
whenever they proved weak nnd en
couraging the aggression of tho
trong.
It wns not nil easy for the women;!
they had many trying experiences,
some of which resulted lu their Html
defeat, some In their victory. In Cleve
land there occurred a riot when tho
women first appeared, and hnd It not
Ihi'u for the timely arrival of the po
lice fatalities, must have resulted.
The repeal of the .Sunday closing law
In Chicago was the ocaslou of nn Im
mense demonstration by the women of
that city, headed by Mother Stewart
and Miss Frances Wlllnrd. They were
mobbed In many quarters of the city,
but the actual reform accomplished
was not so marked n it wns elsewhere.
There were few saloonkeeper who
gave up their hutdnc to go to farm
ing, few of them. If they could pre
vent, allowed their property to bo
Howard,
homo id.
t i. ...... .-i. . .
wuimuiiiuii with insult I o-ru nn
now for two wcokh, ami find.
vory much relieved. I feel that m
turo will bo permanent. 1 have also
.aken It for la grlppo, and I take
pleasure lu rncomtmtndliiK I'erun
ns an excellent remedy to all follow
sufferers.
Very respectfully, M. W.
Congressman Howard's
dress Is Fort I'ayno. Ala.
Any man who wishes perfect health
must bo entirely free from catarrh
Catarrh In well-nigh universal
omnipresent. o-rti na I the only nu
soliitu safeguard known. A coM li
tho beginning of catarrh. To prevent
coIiIb, to euro colds, Ik to cheat ratarri.
out of Its victims. Address Drllart.
man, Coin minis. U., for a free catarrh
book.
uiuciiii returns snow mat last venr
LI verjiool's Imports aud exports exceed- P"1'1 K"e hefore. In the winter of 18"
eu London's by fl5.000.000. icwnri deemed sue miglit as
All over iinrMinm siiiri -,. nJ H'e s"m 'e ball forward, since sh
tered men who make n business of ml.. h, uo onL' wo"'u rortlicomlng,
Ing Eskimo dogs for the market.
Ireland has never won an Interna
tional association football
against either England or Scotlnud
On .Inn. 22 she delivered n temperance
lecture, which she knew would attrac
attention, because it wns the tlrst o
game the klmt to be given by n woman lu
Sprlngtleld,
Sure Proof.
"This won't do," exclaimed Mr. Pham-
Ilmaii; "here It's after midnight and
that young man and Maude are still In
tho parlor."
"How do you know?" Inquired Mrs,
Phamllman.
"Becauso I don't heor a sound down
there." Philadelphia Press.
Italian and German Navies.
In fifteen years 1885 to 1000 Italy
spent on her fleet $300,000,000, und yet
tho Italian navy does not como up to
half the strength aud efficiency of tho
German fleet, on which during tho sam0
period of years $208,000,000 was expended.
Don't talk at random, Mako every
thing you say hit tho mark or save your
mmunmon.
Tho widow's favorite novel "Put
Yourself la His Place,"
Hie protlts of the London Dally .Mall She had undertaken to light the sa
during last year nre understood to loon on the subject of Sunday closing
iimouni 10 me suustnniiai hum of 80,- and she went about her work lu the
bold nnd sensational way used by Mrs,
The Liberty statue In New York s Notion. She fought the Adair law
151 feet high, the pedestal Is 155 and eaHeSl Pleaded before Justice court
the totnl height above low water rnnrk
Is 305 feet 11 Inches.
The percentage of Illiteracy lu Kan
sns is less than It Is In any state lu
this Union or In any country on the
globe save Belgium.
The highest trees lu the world belong
to a species of eucalypti found In Aus
tralln. Single specimens hnve grown to
a height exceeding 400 feet.
auie anu narvaru universities nre
negotiating with Cambridge and Ox
ford for an International athletic con
test to tnke place lu Amerlcu.
It Is said that posts planted lu the
earth upper end down will last longer
than those which are set In the uutural
position In which the tree grew.
Wireless telegraph stations nre to bo
erected at ItilshtrnhuU, In the north of
Ireland, and at Klldonan, Arran, Scot
land, respectively, for tho purpose of
reporting nnd signaling vessels at sea,
Tho town of EatonvIIle, Fin., has
1,200 Inhabitants, with not n single
white among them. It has a full quota
tlOTIIKK BTKWAIIT.
I necr In tho untl-'aloon cruml. ni the ac-
penreil In l-llli;ercnt coituma.
Juries, which was shocking for a wom
an of her day; sho overstepped etl-
of officials, a bank nnd other business " , Uy ,..e V10 cIty fntlu!r8 Jlt
establishments requlslto In a town of
Its size.
Now a Telegraph ISoy.
A nobleman once Insisted on his head
gardener taking as an apprentice a
young lad in whom he was Interested.
The lad was very lazy, nnd tho garden
er was not at all pleased at having such
session and asking them to enforce the
Sunday closing law. She went into
neighboring towns nnd counties, nnd
at Osborne, n small Ohio town, there
was organized through her effort tho
first temperanco union. Tho establish
ment of temperanco unions throughout
tho country was the result of the cru
sade nt Sprlngtleld. Sho sat In a house
next the largest church lu town and
a youth thrust upon him
Somotlmo nfter, his lordship, walking watched tho men going In and out of a
In tho garden, camo upon his gardener saloon-across tho street during Sunday
and said: service, ur mis sue wrote to n friend:
"Well, John, how Is my young friend " walk well laid of tanbark led into
getting on with you?" tho saloon, and If It had not been for
"Oh, K'h doln' fine!" replied tho gar- '"o stained winuows or tho church tho
denor, with ft smllo. " 'E's workln'
away thero at tho very Job that suits
1ml 'E's n-clmsln' of tho snails ofl'n
tho walks!" London Answers,
Finance of Itlo do Janeiro.
Bio do Jniicrlo has n municipal debt
of almost 00,500,000 mllrels, about $12,
000,000. Tho annual deflct Is nearly
one and a half times the entire Income.
Tho femalo student In chemistry
should bo nblo to analyzo her own complexion.
Nothing worries some women like the
absence of worry lu others.
preacher could have seen tho throng
passing ns ho stood In his pulpit. Wc
church people stuln our wludows bo
that we cannot look out and tho sa
loon men stain theirs so that wo cannot
look In, and so the work goes on by a
sort of tacit agreement."
After watching tho business of tho
alley for moro than nn hour Mrs. Stew
art determined she would go to tho sa
loon nnd procuro evidence for n prose
cution. Sho disguised herself, entered,
purchased a glass of liquor from tho
bartender nnd carried It awny with
her to bo used at tho trial.
Following this proceeding camo, the
New Industry In Australia.
Tho culturo of tho ollvo haw roremt.
been Introduced Into South Australia
nnd Victoria, and good crops of fruit
aro now being obtained, yloldlng an ex
cellent oil. Tho Industry bids fair to
become nn Important one.
Family Ties.
"How close Is your relationship to
that millionaire?"
"Oh, his brother tnnrrlod my
brotlHir-lnluw'H sister." Detroit Kni
Press.
JlJLTlO.Vs WK ATOMS OK DKSTIIUC
TIM.V.
dumped Into the streets. That the cm
snde had Its effect there Is no doubt
Ing; It wns n bravo fight nml out of It
grew the Women's Temperance Union
with Miss Wlllnrd at Its head.ackiiow
edged one of the most powerful orgnn
izattons or either men or women
this country.
When the crusade spread to Eng
lanii, us it illi) about a year nfter It
success In this country, Mother Stew
art wns called to lead; Site Iectuii-d
throughout Great Britain, creating re-
marKauie ctitiiusiasm wherever she ap
pearco, nut me crusade which followii
iter etrort in no way compared with
turn which bnd stirred every nook am
corner or America. Never since the
days of the original crusaders hai
there been so wonderful a demoiistra
lion, it stirred this country as had
nothing before or since the Civil War
ami us nothing has since the crusade
itself.
LAW AS INTERPRETED.
A dangerous practice of mall ngents
or throwing the mall from a niovlne
train so ns to endanger persons on the
railroad premises Is held, lu Shaw vs
Chicago and (5. T. It. Co. (.Mich.). 411
u. a. .iut, to make the railroad
company liable to nu Intending pas
senger who was on tlm railroad itlnt
lorni nun who was Injured by a mall
img tniown against him. f the cur
rler had knowledge of the dangerous
practice nnu Had allowed It to continue,
Duty of care to avoid Injury to tres
passers on n railroad track Is held lu
-it , , r t .. ... -
uievuiauu, u. u, a m. L. It, Co. vs
Tortt (0. 0. App. 7th C.). -10 L. It. A
1)8, not to urlso until those In charge
of a train have discovered the presence
of such trespassers on or dangerously
ueur tho track und havo reasonable
cause to believe that Injury to them
will result unless tho train Is arrested.
Liability does not nrlso merely because
their presence might havo been sooner
discovered nnd tho train Is running nt
an unlawful speed,
Judgment for money and for the fore
closure of a mortgage upon real estate
against a deceased defendant who had
tiiereioioro oeeu nuy served with urn.
cess Is held, In Knger vs. Vlckerv
uviin.j, 'iu it. n. a. lo-i, to bo void, nl
though tho fact of death does not an
pear upon tho record, and to ho col
laterally Impeachable by hers who
were not parties to the foreclosure and
who sue for the land. With this case
tho great number of authorities on tlir
effect of Judgment entered against n
dead person oro collected and analyzed,
snowing me conclusions nt wulch the
courts have arrived.
Too Previous.
"Heo here!" exclaimed the shopper,
excitedly, thcro,s a man Just dropped
load In that bargain crush."
"How Inopportune!" cried the floor
wnlkor. "Wo havo not yet opened our
undertaking department." Philadel
phia Record.
It Sometimes Happens,
"CursoM on him!" growled the hard
worked humorist.
"Curses on him! Ills wlfo gave hi in
a letter to mnll, and ho mulled If"
(Innslilng his tenth and otherwise
comporting himself with nige. tho h.
h. continued to hurl itnnthomaH at
the mini who spoiled tho Joko. Bal
timore American.
He Was Emphatic.
"I am Informed thnt your husband
Is a professor of language, and I culled
to find out what his terms nre."
"Well, when hu's ocltod, they aro
unfit for publication." Richmond
Dispatch.
A Hopeless Case.
"It's no use; ChiimlolKh never will
havo sonso."
"Why? Whnt has ho done now?"
"Paid mo $10 ho owed mo right In
front of my tailor."
Her Definition.
"Whnt Is your definition of sntlre?"
"Satire," said MIhb Cavnnnn. "Is
something thnt compolH you to litugh
ugninsi your win in ordor to lot It
appear thnt you aro not angry."
Washington 8tnr.
Police Hard to Dismiss.
A Now York nollco rnmmlftntnnnr
declared that It was easier to hang a
man for murder thoro than to dismiss
a policeman. "Lust vonr." Im sniit.
'tho board had to nnv nut ma dm
In back salaries to inun whn hail
ooon reinstated by tho courts.
The Doctor's Order.
Mother (an Invalid 1 Jnhnnv. ilnn'fc
you think I ought to punish you for
being so bad?
Johnny faced ci Nn m n m m n Vol i
know tho doctor Bald you was not to
Indulge in any violent oxorclso.
Quick Exit.
Mr. Low told
Ynlo man. Do you know what class
ho was graduated from?"
"FrOIIl thO SOnhnmnrn nlnaa" Ilnr.
lorn LlfO.
Some people aro enthusiastic In ac
cepting Invitations, because they figure
that they will save that much by eat
ing away from homo.
Aae.
A QUarrCl remnllv nnnnrrn,! ln.
tween two mnidon ladles. Hnhi th
youngor ono:
I WOndor if I shall lnsn mv InMfu
too, whon I get your ngo?."
TllO Older firm Vmi ulll l. 1.
If you do. Tlt-Blts.
Change of Name.
Mrs. Qreonn I nnnnnnn thn ri,l.
lings i aro awfully stuck up alnco thoy
got that money from Mrs, Chltllng's
undo? .
Mrs. Gray Not
m'Bht hnvo supposed; but I notlco thnt
wnon they hnvo
table i thoy call It croquottcs; It usod to
bo plain hash. Boston Transcript.
Cul Bonn?
"Thoy say thnt Old Gotrox Is bnroly
able to write his namo,"
"Now, that shows tho rnjustlco of
things. Horo I could writo my namo
to a chock with tho greatest oaso;
but what s tho uso?" Indianapolis
.Germany'e New Navy.
Tho German naval programmo.
which according to tho original ani
HnH?COiminnt'.wns not J uo omplotod
until 1910, la now, it soma, to bo
finished by 1900. In that yoar Gor
many will havo nt lonBt 40 ships,
20 largo crulsora and .8 email crulsl
eis.