Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Cottage Grove sentinel. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1909-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 12, 2020)
Cottage Grove Sentinel Community B1 THURSDAY | NOVEMBER 12 , 2020 Pet Tips ‘n’ Tales Humor at the Speed of Life James Kazad — (Remembrances of life before COVID) When planning your ‘Black Friday’ shopping, don’t forget Bigfoot T here are times when, as a columnist, I am faced with the difficult decision of choosing be- tween two equally im- portant topics in order to meet my deadline. Then there are times like this when, thanks to years of experience and accidentally consum- ing a quadruple espresso meant for the person next to me at Starbuck’s, I re- alize both topics can be combined into a single, well-structured piece of journalism. Which is why, today, we will be talking about how to prepare for holiday shopping with the help of Bigfoot. As some of you may have heard, a hiker in Utah posted video of what appeared to be Big- foot rummaging through the brush. In addition, some of you may have heard about Thanksgiving. I don’t believe this is a coincidence. Especially when you consider how, year af- ter year, Thanksgiving is followed by Friday — a shopping day so enor- mously frightening it has become known as “Black Friday.” Did I mention the Big- foot spotted in Utah has black fur? As you can see, the cor- relations are staggering. (Note to writing stu- dents: This merging of seemingly unrelated top- ics at high speeds is ex- tremely tricky requiring years of practice, and is a device referred to by jour- nalists and railroad engi- neers as a “train wreck.”) Now that we have estab- lished the irrefutable con- nection between Bigfoot and holiday shopping on Black Friday (I’m a jour- nalist, so you can trust me when I say we have), I will now explain how, with a little preparation and an oversized SUV or cargo van, you can get all of your holiday shopping done during Black Friday with the help of Bigfoot. The first step, of course, is to locate and enlist the help of a Bigfoot. This is actually easier than you might think. All you have to do is drive to a heavi- ly wooded area and NOT look for one. This seems to be when most Bigfoot sightings occur, i.e., right when the hiker, anthropologist, logger, marijuana grower, CNN reporter, etc., is least expecting it, which is why every video taken of Big- foot looks like a deleted scene from the Paranor- mal Witch Project. Once you have made contact, the next step is to convince Bigfoot to help with your holiday shopping. To do this, of- fer your help in obtaining something he wants for Mrs. Bigfoot but can’t find in the woods — such as an Epilady shaver. Now that you have found Bigfoot and enlist- ed his help, it’s time to go SHOPPING! Given that Black Fri- day is the busiest shop- ping day of the year, with retailers opening before dawn and offering out- rageous deals, such as 50 percent off any six-toed socks sold between 5:30 and 5:45 a.m., you’ll be glad you brought Bigfoot along to play “wack-a- mole” with anyone who gets in your way. The same goes for sneaky sales people who try the old “bait-and- switch.” For example: Let’s say the clerk insists that the item on sale for $10 is a cheese spreader, and not the 55-inch flat screen TV in your cart. Simply let Bigfoot do the nego- tiating by turning the clerk into his own custom “Snuggy.” Now imagine the satis- faction of completing all of your holiday shopping in one day as you and Bigfoot breeze through the mall on matching Segways donated by mall security. Needless to say, when it comes to Black Friday shopping, there are many advantages to enlisting the help of Bigfoot. Plus, I’d suggest staying in touch; he also comes in handy when it comes time for gift returns. Supplemental nutrition assistance (SNAP) extended through Nov. 20 A waiver approved by the U.S. Department of Agri- culture Food and Nutrition Service (FNS) allows Sup- plemental Nutrition Assis- tance Program (SNAP) and Disaster SNAP recipients in 23 counties, including Lane and Douglas counties. Normally, SNAP benefits cannot be used to purchase “hot food products pre- pared for immediate con- sumption.” This restriction is being waived following the severe winds and wild- fires that led to the displace- ment of many residents and left them without access to a kitchen to prepare meals. Examples of allowable prepared foods include hot deli foods, fountain drinks, including but not limited to coffee and tea, a slice of hot/ prepared pizza, hot soup, salad bars, and sandwiches. This waiver will last through Nov. 20 and allows SNAP and DSNAP recipi- ents to use their benefits to buy prepared food at any participating retailer that accepts SNAP EBT cards. Restaurant purchases are still prohibited. For more information about the hot food waiv- er, visit www.oregon. gov/dhs/ASSISTANCE/ FOOD-BENEFITS/Pages/ DSNAP-Hot-Foods-Waiv- er.aspx. side services with masks and distancing plus out- door drive-in for those more comfortable, at 10 a.m. each Sunday. • The annual Lo- rane Christian Church’s Thanksgiving dinner for the community held at Lorane Grange has been cancelled this year to keep everyone safe during these COVID-19 times. • Lorane Grange is planning a ham dinner fundraiser in lieu of its annual Christmas Din- ner on Sunday, Dec. 13, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Dinners will be preor- dered prior to that day and you will pick-up your meal which will in- clude dessert. More information to come. Mark your calendars to purchase a great meal which includes dessert. • The annual Grange Christmas Dinner has also been canceled due to COVID-19 restric- tions. • By now many of you know that the Rural Art Movie nights have been canceled and will resume in October 2021. • With our change in weather, continue to slow down and be safe when driving on Stoney Point. Pay attention to the signal lights, keep your speed down and watch for workers. Be careful driving ev- erywhere as there have been two accidents on Territorial Road near Jackson-marlow Rd in the last two weeks. LORANE COUNTRY NEWS Contributed by Lil Thompson for The Sentinel • As most of you know by now, we lost yet an- other long-time Loran- ian, Charles Drullinger. His service will be a drive-in at Lorane Chris- tian Church this Satur- day, Nov. 14, beginning at 2 p.m. on FM 89.1. The family will be in- side the church, but af- terward Phyllis, Jan and Jeff would like to see people with masks and distancing. They will tell more at the service. • Lorane Christian Church is continuing in- QUALITY SENIOR LIVING IS EXPANDING IN COTTAGE GROVE! Our new luxury suites are now available for reservations! Magnolia Gardens Senior Living has completed construction of 37 new suites. EXPERIENCE EXTRAORDINARY Reserve your suite by November 30, 2020 and secure your introductory rate special for two years! We are a full-service Assisted Living & Memory Care Community with 24/7 Immediate Placement for Urgent Admissions. Call (541) 514-2485 for more information or to schedule a personal tour! Assisted Living, Memory Care & Independent Living 1425 Daugherty Ave., Cottage Grove, OR 97424 (541)-942-0054 • www.MagnoliaGardensSL.com T By Mary Ellen “Angel Scribe” What a tiger! Sid is overjoyed to have his Tiger back home again. (This column was originally published Nov. 27, 2019) W ell, here is another “free-kitten-gone-wrong” story. Tig, a Norwegian Forest cat, was Sid’s gift from his granddaughter, Hillary. These cats’ ancestors are a hearty breed which served as mousers on Viking ships. Sid proudly watched his stripped “Tigger” kitten grow into a strong, 22-pound, athletic adult. Tig loved exploring outdoors and, every evening, would return for his supper and a snuggle with Sid. But one day Tig failed to come home for dinner. Three days passed and there was still no sight of the missing feline. “After a few days,” said Sid, “everyone assumed a coy- ote got him, but I held fast to the belief that he was com- ing back. I was the only one who believed it to be true — then and over the next three months.” One day, his daughter and Hillary saw a bedrag- gled-scrawny-stray cat weakly staggering down the side of the road. It kept tipping over as it headed towards Sid’s home some 300 yards away. “Hillary recognized Tig,” said Sid, “but my daughter said ‘No way. Tig weighed 20 pounds, this cat is half that weight.’” Hillary ran to check on the cat, but the feline tumbled over and fell down a culvert. She returned for a bowl of food to encourage the cat out. It worked, so she imme- diately looked at his ear’s ID tattoo confirming that Tig had indeed returned from his walkabout. “I always had the feeling that he was coming back,” reaffirmed Sid, “But he was unrecognizable covered in dirt, mud and matted fur. We rushed him to a special- ized cat clinic and he was there for a month recuperating from dehydration, infections and starvation. He only weighed 7 pounds and it cost $6,500 to reclaim my ‘free gift!’ But Tig, who is now 12 years old, is worth every penny.” Tig’s loyalty and strength surviving his three-month ordeal — being barely able to stagger home — is made even clearer by two reminders on the nape of his neck: The fur that never grew back reveals two ¾-inch bite marks, likely placed painfully there by a coyote. Back to his sturdy 20 pounds now and never liking to be groomed, Tig was recently taken to a groomer for a lion’s hair cut. The now super-sized cat shed 1 pound of fur during his clipping! Sid lovingly calls his kitty “The Lion King” because he looks like a real lion with his larg- er than normal size and specialized fur cut. He is also the same color as a raccoon and about the same size, and weight. One day, Sid said, “Hi Tig” as the cat strolled by, but on second glance he realized that it wasn’t Tig — a wild raccoon had strolled by him and made itself comfortable by the fireplace as the real Tig was sitting on the couch watching this unfold. Most pets follow their pet parents into a bathroom for company but Tig humorously likes to weigh himself! Each morning, he saunters in with Sid for their morn- ing rituals and sits on their digital weigh scale, proving that he lost 1 pound of winter fur during his recent lion’s grooming. TIPS: • Have pets ID tattooed or micro-chipped, because when they go missing, they often, like Tig, return to a feral nature and are unrecognizable. • Carolyn, a Tips ‘n’ Tales reader in Lafayette, Colo., said, “Please warn readers about the dangers of reclin- er chairs. Our kitten, Gus, was playing under ours and his head got caught in the gears. It took five fireman 20 minutes to rescue him and one said, ‘This is a common occurrence, but the pet usually doesn’t make it.’ Thank- fully, Gus is alive, eating, running and climbing again. He has a crick in his neck and an appointment to see his chiropractor.” Write us about your fun pet at angelscribe@msn.com
