10A COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL January 13, 2016
How married men can LORANE COUNTRY NEWS
benefi t from watching
I
‘The Bachelor’
BY LIL THOMPSON
For the Sentinel
BY NED HICKSON
News Media Corporation
O
nce again, I am watch-
ing The Bachelor
with my wife. As a happily
married man, I can tell you
the benefi ts of a good mar-
riage far outweigh the ini-
tial discomfort of watching
Chris Harrison — week after
week — inform everyone
who didn’t pass kindergarten
math that there’s only one
rose left. You also have to get
past the three main types of
contestants who appear each
season:
The Cryer — Easy to spot
because they are reduced to
tears and sitting alone within
15 minutes of arriving at the
mansion
The Liar — This person
is already in a long-term
relationship and is a strug-
gling actor. They are always
extremely attractive, which
causes the Bachelor’s judg-
ment to become cloudy as
blood fl ows away from the
brain to an area not directly
related to the circulatory sys-
tem.
The Lunatic — Always ar-
rives separately from the rest
of the contestants, usually in
some uniquely pretentious
way, such as by helicopter or
riding a zebra and wearing
only a wrestling singlet.
After several years of
study, I have gained a few
insights from The Bachelor
that made me a better hus-
band. To illustrate my point,
and more importantly show
my wife I’m not just paying
attention during bikini vol-
leyball, I am going to share
a few of those insights with
you.
First, always keep a rose
with you.
Always.
Having the ability to — at
a moment’s notice — pro-
duce a fragrant fl ower sym-
bolizing your love is a game
changer that can diffuse any
situation....
Wife: “Are these your
dirty BOXERS in the sink...
AGAIN!”
Husband: [Pulls out rose]
“This is for you.”
Wife: “Oh sweetheart!
How thoughtful! Where else
can I look for your boxers?
Wait, don’t tell me! I want
it to be like an Easter egg
hunt!”
In the rare instance a rose
isn’t enough, make sure you
have a mutual friend willing
to be a love liaison for you.
Someone who cares about
you both and has your best
interest as a couple in mind.
I would highly suggest get-
ting Chris Harrison. He may
not be able to count higher
than 1, but he is an artful me-
diator. Contrary to what you
might think, getting his help
is actually pretty easy. All
you have to do is take a sin-
gle rose and put it in a bas-
ket. He will appear almost
instantly to announce it’s the
only one left.
Lastly, it’s clear that a
couple’s trust and emotional
bonds are strengthened by
participating in life-threat-
ening activities together.
These opportunities are pre-
sented many times over the
course of a season. For the
rest of us, especially those
with children, the closest we
get to participating together
in bond-building danger is
when someone accidentally
puts a fork in the microwave.
For this reason, when op-
portunity presents itself, you
need to make the most of it
by doubling up on the dan-
ger.
Going bungee jumping?
DOUBLE-UP!
Do it over a shark tank.
Going skydiving?
DOUBLE-UP!
Land in a bull-riding com-
petition dressed as rodeo
clowns.
Riding as passengers in a
NASCAR race?
DOUBLE-UP!
Let one of my kids drive.
Haha! Just kidding! You
can‘t strengthen emotional
bonds if you‘re dead.
But you get the idea.
So, come next Monday,
I‘ll once again take a spot on
the couch next to my wife
and watch as the latest bach-
elor attempts what is essen-
tially televised cat juggling,
complete with claws and
hissing. Possibly even some
fl ying fur. But as he attempts
to discover the inner truths
of each woman and searches
for his soul mate one rose at
a time, my wife and I will be
eating snack foods and prob-
ably sipping something cold
together as we share obser-
vations about each contes-
tant — which brings me to
the most valuable lesson I‘ve
learned: Given the chance
to be The Bachelor, I’d still
choose my wife.
Even without the bikini
volleyball.
t’s Winter Homecoming all
week at Crow Middle/High
School. Both middle and high
school students will have activi-
ties Friday after lunch plus the
middle-school dance. The high
school dance runs from 9 p.m.
to midnight in the multi-pur-
pose room.
This month seems to be going
fast. On Monday, Jan. 17, there
is no school for Martin Luther
King Day.
This is just a reminder to se-
niors and parents to get your
FAFSA applications in.
Lorane Grange meets on
Thursday, Jan. 21at 7:30 p.m.
The Grange looks forward to
seeing everyone. The spaghet-
ti dinner and bingo evenings
return to Saturdays, and this
month’s event is Jan. 23 starting
at 5:30 p.m. The blackout has
continued to grow, so let’s have
a great turnout! The grangers are
still collecting pop can tabs, and
those with tabs to donate may
call a granger or drop them off
on the front porch. These go to
help many people with needed
dialysis.
The CAL School Board meets
on Thursday, Jan. 21 in Apple-
gate Elementary at 7 p.m. after
executive session. The Febru-
ary meeting will be at Lorane
Grange. The change is due to
the Grange meeting in January.
Lorane Rebekah’s are still col-
lecting and accepting scrap met-
al in their bin beside the Lodge
Hall. They are also collecting
cans and bottles, and those who
would like them picked up may
call any Rebekah or Sandi Max-
well.
It may seem early, but Rural
Art Center and Lorane Grange
want to remind everyone that
the Talent Show at the Grange is
usually the fi rst Sunday in April.
Share this and get your talent
together. It’s free to enter and
free to watch. There is always
amazing talent to enjoy.
Five berry-
bearing shrubs
to feed birds
in winter
BY KYM POKORNY
OSU Extension Service
W
hen winter comes and the menu for
birds shrinks in urban backyards,
they rely on the kindness of humans.
That doesn’t mean just a bird feeder of
seeds and nuts.
“Different birds are attracted to different
foods and it’s good to have a variety,” said
Dana Sanchez, a wildlife specialist for Or-
egon State University’s Extension Service.
“In addition to bird feeders, which people
sometimes forget to fi ll, they need plants to
forage on.”
This time of year, you’ll notice winter
wrens, pine siskins, scrub jays, chickadees
and robins. All are searching for food to give
them the energy they need to survive the
prolonged stress of cold and wet weather.
“Birds need a lot of energy to make it
through cold nights,” according to Sanchez.
“They can’t eat during the night, and they
burn off whatever food calories they found
during the day.”
Fortunately, birds have feathers – the ulti-
mate down jacket, she said. They fl uff them
and huddle together to reduce heat loss.
And shivering keeps muscles warmer. For
all that, they still need the right foods for
energy production. A few insects remain,
fl ying around or hiding under moss and li-
chen ripe for the picking. Some plants, like
thistle, hold on to seeds that birds fi t into
their diet. Plants with berries full of good
courtesy photo
The purple berries of beautyberry offer sustenance to birds in winter when
they need extra energy to survive cold weather.
fat provide necessary nutrients, too. Take a
look at Sanchez’s suggestions and consider
adding some berry bearers to your garden.
Dana Sanchez’s picks for plants with ber-
ries for birds:
Oregon grape (Mahonia aquifolium)
breaks out in brilliant yellow fl owers in
mid-winter that leave behind bunches of
blue-black berries. The state fl ower of Or-
egon grows to an erect 6 feet tall and 5 feet
wide. Hardy to Zone 5.
Beautyberry (Callicarpa bodinieri) was
named for a reason: The exquisite violet to
purple berries in mid-winter stop people in
their tracks. This shrub puts on a good dis-
play at the back of the border where its 6-
by-6-foot stature has room to develop. The
cultivar ‘Profusion’ exhibits an especially
abundant amount of berries. Hardy to Zone
5.
Snowberry (Symphoricarpos albus) is
recognized for distinctive clusters of white
berries that last well into winter. At 5 feet
tall and 6 feet wide and rather rangy, snow-
berry makes a great choice for a bird-friend-
ly hedgerow and its vigorous roots will help
with erosion control on slopes. Hardy to
Zone 3.
Himalayan honeysuckle (Leycesteria for-
mosa) takes some room to accommodate its
6-foot height and width, but it’s more than
worth the space. Long infl orescences of
white fl owers with purple bracts hang from
the shrub for an extended time in summer
and fall and are followed by berries that
start out green, turn deep red and then pur-
plish black with all three colors on the plant
at once. Hardy to Zone 6.
Pacifi c wax myrtle (Myrica californica)
is an evergreen that grows up to 30 feet at
maturity, making it a popular option for a
screen or small tree in the garden. A Pacifi c
Northwest native, wax myrtle presents pur-
plish berries in fall that persist into the win-
ter months. Hardy to Zone 7.
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