12A COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL March 4, 2015
After 50 Shades of
Magic Mike, men
still trying to recover
H ARRISON
Continued from page 1A
about why Harrison is the
best school in the District, and
it’s because of the people here
that that is the case,” Nice said.
“This is not a great place for
kids to learn, and it’s because of
the physical structure itself.”
Harrison Elementary was built
in 1947 and has been expanded
six times to add to its capac-
ity since then. Nice started the
tour in Harrison’s gymnasium,
which also doubles as the caf-
eteria for its 430-plus students,
about 250 of which also have
breakfast there on weekday
mornings. Nice said the work
involved with moving tables
and chairs and serving all that
food means that physical educa-
tion classes can only be held in
the gym once per week.
“We just don’t have the time
and space to do any more,” Nice
said.
Doors to Harrison’s outdoor
playground are made of wood
and warp in the springtime,
making it nearly impossible to
securely lock them, Nice said.
Runs in the carpet of some
classrooms have been there for
“I spend a lot of time talking about why
Harrison is the best school in the Dis-
trict, and it’s because of the people here
that that is the case. This is not a great
place for kids to learn, and it’s because
of the physical structure itself.”
— Harrison Elementary Principal Ali Nice
at least 15 years. The windows
facing 10th Street tilt out, and
it’s diffi cult to exit those win-
dows in an emergency.
Harrison’s construction fea-
tures lots of glass blocks, though
many of those blocks have since
been painted over. Concrete
walls were built between many
of the rooms when the school
was expanded, and wireless
Internet signals don’t travel
well through the walls, making
utilization of wireless technol-
ogy diffi cult. In addition, these
walls, a haphazard layout and
aging heating and air condition-
ing system make maintaining a
constant, comfortable tempera-
ture in the building for teachers
and students a near impossibil-
ity, according to the District’s
maintenance supervisor, Matt
Allen, who was also on hand
to outline many of the Harrison
building’s shortcomings. Harri-
son also features next to no on-
site parking, and staff members
park their cars in the parking lot
of the Seventh-Day Adventist
church across the street.
The upcoming addition of
full-day kindergarten to Harri-
son’s offerings has also brought
a need for more classroom
space, and next year, Harrison’s
music room will be converted to
a classroom, with music taught
in classrooms much less fre-
quently.
During his presentation, Al-
len said his crew spends a lot
of its energy simply trying to
maintain a comfortable tem-
perature in the building. He said
95 percent of Harrison’s roof is
in need of a rebuild; the school’s
electrical system is at full capac-
ity and will not permit the ad-
dition of even one more circuit
breaker and two of the four ov-
ens in the cafeteria don’t work.
The cafeteria is cramped to the
point that two cooks cannot
pass by each other while lunch
is being served. Allen said the
school’s bricks and mortar are
failing, and the addition of glass
blocks means the likelihood of a
collapse in the event of an earth-
quake is high.
In response to a question about
the building’s biggest needs,
Nice said the need for HVAC
upgrades tops the list, with elec-
trical and water concerns com-
ing in second and third. She said
a remodel of the building isn’t
feasible because there would be
no place to educate its students
during the work and nowhere to
build new facilities for parking
and a gymnasium.
Early last week, the District
released a survey intended to
gauge public perception about
Harrison and a possible bond
levy. The survey can be accessed
at https://www.surveymonkey.
com/s/SchoolBondSurvey.
The School Board itself is
scheduled to tour Harrison on
Monday, March 16.
W ALKS
Continued from page 1A
keeps traffi c moving and driv-
ers coming off the Interstate 5
offramp would have little warn-
ing that pedestrians may be
crossing the street after negotiat-
ing the large curve in Row River
Road between the offramp and
the intersection.
“There have been a lot of peo-
ple that want it, and it seems like
most want the crosswalk at the
intersection,” Bradsby said.
Building the crosswalk would
cost about $90,000, and Brads-
by said ODOT and the City have
already budgeted the funds (with
ODOT covering $75,000 of the
cost and the City covering the
remainder) to make it happen.
The City Council is expected to
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deliberate on whether to build
the crosswalk away from the
intersection or wait until it can
be located there under ODOT
guidelines.
“If we can’t get the crosswalk
at the intersection, do we want
to continue with the project?”
Bradsby rhetorically asked, a
question the Council will have
to answer. “We’d like to not
have to build it twice.”
The City recently engaged in
a protracted planning process
for another crosswalk, this at the
corner of Gibbs Ave. and High-
way 99 downtown. Bradsby said
that project has been tentatively
approved and that it’s now “a
matter of getting it done.”
BY NED HICKSON
News Media Corporation
tion that is a threatening to upset
the natural balance of things.
t was a tough week for the
male persuasion. However,
now that the 50 Shades of dust
has settled, men are emerging
from the proverbial rubble a bit
shell-shocked and checking for
survivors. Not only did we go
head-to-head with the release of
50 Shades, we were also fl anked
by Valentine’s Day AND word
of a release date for “Magic
Mike XXL.”
We were out manned. Out
gunned. And when compared
to Christian Grey, in most cases
we were probably... well, out
maneuvered.
In the aftermath of this three-
pronged attack on our general
manhood, only the strong have
survived. Plus maybe that guy
too busy playing Assassin’s
Creed in his mother’s basement.
Whatever the case, men are now
regrouping for a counter offen-
sive. Something that will “shock
and awe” the women in our lives
into surrendering — at least in
terms of the totally unrealistic
expectations that have now been
set for us men.
Yes, we realize trying to live
up to an unrealistic standard of
beauty and sexuality is a daily
occurrence for women every-
where.
Yes, we know men are largely
responsible for this.
But will you please stop
thinking about yourselves and
your own needs for one minute?
Sheesh! Besides, this is totally
different because, uh... we’re
men. In the wake of the unreal-
istic standards set for men last
week, I have taken it upon my-
self as a representative of men
everywhere (we voted) to name
a few unrealistic standards that
have now been set by “Christian
Grey” and “Magic Mike,” and
compared them with reality. My
hope is that it will provide some
much-needed levity to a situa-
1) Christian Grey has a “toy
room” for his menagerie of de-
vices for dispensing pain and
pleasure that pushes women to
their sexual limits. Realistically
speaking, MOST men have a toy
room for essentially the same
purpose! Mixing pain with plea-
sure! It’s just that there’s gen-
erally an X-Box involved, and
getting us to stop playing often
pushes women to the limits of
their patience.
I
2) Magic Mike’s chiseled phy-
sique causes women to go crazy
and give him money while danc-
ing at the club. Under the same
circumstances, the average man
could strip at a dance club and
also get money. Yes, probably
for bail, but I think you’re miss-
ing the point.
3) One of the main attrac-
tions to Christian Grey is his
mystique. Women want to know
what motivates him and why he
does the things he does. Let’s
be honest, ladies: Don’t you al-
ready ask yourself that question
regarding the man in your life?
While it’s been a tough week
to be a man, I do suppose the
experience has helped us under-
stand a little better what women
go through on a daily basis in
a world were the glass ceiling
is often a magnifying glass fo-
cused on their imperfections.
And boy, have we learned our
lesson! Loud and clear!
So, uh... now can we get back
to how things were?
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, Humor at the Speed
of Life, is available online at
Port Hole Publications, Ama-
zon Books and Barnes & Noble.
Write to him at nedhickson@
icloud.com
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