12A COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL March 4, 2015 After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men still trying to recover H ARRISON Continued from page 1A about why Harrison is the best school in the District, and it’s because of the people here that that is the case,” Nice said. “This is not a great place for kids to learn, and it’s because of the physical structure itself.” Harrison Elementary was built in 1947 and has been expanded six times to add to its capac- ity since then. Nice started the tour in Harrison’s gymnasium, which also doubles as the caf- eteria for its 430-plus students, about 250 of which also have breakfast there on weekday mornings. Nice said the work involved with moving tables and chairs and serving all that food means that physical educa- tion classes can only be held in the gym once per week. “We just don’t have the time and space to do any more,” Nice said. Doors to Harrison’s outdoor playground are made of wood and warp in the springtime, making it nearly impossible to securely lock them, Nice said. Runs in the carpet of some classrooms have been there for “I spend a lot of time talking about why Harrison is the best school in the Dis- trict, and it’s because of the people here that that is the case. This is not a great place for kids to learn, and it’s because of the physical structure itself.” — Harrison Elementary Principal Ali Nice at least 15 years. The windows facing 10th Street tilt out, and it’s diffi cult to exit those win- dows in an emergency. Harrison’s construction fea- tures lots of glass blocks, though many of those blocks have since been painted over. Concrete walls were built between many of the rooms when the school was expanded, and wireless Internet signals don’t travel well through the walls, making utilization of wireless technol- ogy diffi cult. In addition, these walls, a haphazard layout and aging heating and air condition- ing system make maintaining a constant, comfortable tempera- ture in the building for teachers and students a near impossibil- ity, according to the District’s maintenance supervisor, Matt Allen, who was also on hand to outline many of the Harrison building’s shortcomings. Harri- son also features next to no on- site parking, and staff members park their cars in the parking lot of the Seventh-Day Adventist church across the street. The upcoming addition of full-day kindergarten to Harri- son’s offerings has also brought a need for more classroom space, and next year, Harrison’s music room will be converted to a classroom, with music taught in classrooms much less fre- quently. During his presentation, Al- len said his crew spends a lot of its energy simply trying to maintain a comfortable tem- perature in the building. He said 95 percent of Harrison’s roof is in need of a rebuild; the school’s electrical system is at full capac- ity and will not permit the ad- dition of even one more circuit breaker and two of the four ov- ens in the cafeteria don’t work. The cafeteria is cramped to the point that two cooks cannot pass by each other while lunch is being served. Allen said the school’s bricks and mortar are failing, and the addition of glass blocks means the likelihood of a collapse in the event of an earth- quake is high. In response to a question about the building’s biggest needs, Nice said the need for HVAC upgrades tops the list, with elec- trical and water concerns com- ing in second and third. She said a remodel of the building isn’t feasible because there would be no place to educate its students during the work and nowhere to build new facilities for parking and a gymnasium. Early last week, the District released a survey intended to gauge public perception about Harrison and a possible bond levy. The survey can be accessed at https://www.surveymonkey. com/s/SchoolBondSurvey. The School Board itself is scheduled to tour Harrison on Monday, March 16. W ALKS Continued from page 1A keeps traffi c moving and driv- ers coming off the Interstate 5 offramp would have little warn- ing that pedestrians may be crossing the street after negotiat- ing the large curve in Row River Road between the offramp and the intersection. “There have been a lot of peo- ple that want it, and it seems like most want the crosswalk at the intersection,” Bradsby said. Building the crosswalk would cost about $90,000, and Brads- by said ODOT and the City have already budgeted the funds (with ODOT covering $75,000 of the cost and the City covering the remainder) to make it happen. The City Council is expected to We Want Your News! $ PUUBHF ( SPWF 4 FOUJOFM In person: 116 N. Sixth Street, Cottage Grove Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Office phone: 942-3325 P ROFESSIONAL $ FFORDABLE 7 REE C ARE ISA C (57,FIED A 5%25,67 ® +HDOWh Assessments 5HPoYDOV deliberate on whether to build the crosswalk away from the intersection or wait until it can be located there under ODOT guidelines. “If we can’t get the crosswalk at the intersection, do we want to continue with the project?” Bradsby rhetorically asked, a question the Council will have to answer. “We’d like to not have to build it twice.” The City recently engaged in a protracted planning process for another crosswalk, this at the corner of Gibbs Ave. and High- way 99 downtown. Bradsby said that project has been tentatively approved and that it’s now “a matter of getting it done.” BY NED HICKSON News Media Corporation tion that is a threatening to upset the natural balance of things. t was a tough week for the male persuasion. However, now that the 50 Shades of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shell-shocked and checking for survivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of 50 Shades, we were also fl anked by Valentine’s Day AND word of a release date for “Magic Mike XXL.” We were out manned. Out gunned. And when compared to Christian Grey, in most cases we were probably... well, out maneuvered. In the aftermath of this three- pronged attack on our general manhood, only the strong have survived. Plus maybe that guy too busy playing Assassin’s Creed in his mother’s basement. Whatever the case, men are now regrouping for a counter offen- sive. Something that will “shock and awe” the women in our lives into surrendering — at least in terms of the totally unrealistic expectations that have now been set for us men. Yes, we realize trying to live up to an unrealistic standard of beauty and sexuality is a daily occurrence for women every- where. Yes, we know men are largely responsible for this. But will you please stop thinking about yourselves and your own needs for one minute? Sheesh! Besides, this is totally different because, uh... we’re men. In the wake of the unreal- istic standards set for men last week, I have taken it upon my- self as a representative of men everywhere (we voted) to name a few unrealistic standards that have now been set by “Christian Grey” and “Magic Mike,” and compared them with reality. My hope is that it will provide some much-needed levity to a situa- 1) Christian Grey has a “toy room” for his menagerie of de- vices for dispensing pain and pleasure that pushes women to their sexual limits. Realistically speaking, MOST men have a toy room for essentially the same purpose! Mixing pain with plea- sure! It’s just that there’s gen- erally an X-Box involved, and getting us to stop playing often pushes women to the limits of their patience. I 2) Magic Mike’s chiseled phy- sique causes women to go crazy and give him money while danc- ing at the club. Under the same circumstances, the average man could strip at a dance club and also get money. Yes, probably for bail, but I think you’re miss- ing the point. 3) One of the main attrac- tions to Christian Grey is his mystique. Women want to know what motivates him and why he does the things he does. Let’s be honest, ladies: Don’t you al- ready ask yourself that question regarding the man in your life? While it’s been a tough week to be a man, I do suppose the experience has helped us under- stand a little better what women go through on a daily basis in a world were the glass ceiling is often a magnifying glass fo- cused on their imperfections. And boy, have we learned our lesson! Loud and clear! So, uh... now can we get back to how things were? Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available online at Port Hole Publications, Ama- zon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@ icloud.com Ask your Advertising Representative how you can advertisise in Shamrocks & Savings 3Uuning Chipping KODY 541-600-0157 oregontreeworks.com Licensed Bonded Insured CCB #205210 FUHH (VWLPDWHV 7 th !PPLIANCES s ,AWN 'ARDEN SAVE UP TO 20% OFF CARFTSMAN POWE LAWN & GARDEN SAVE UP TO 10% OFF ATTACHMENTS (with the purchase of a riding mower over $1299.99) Sale Ends 03/11/15 'ATEWAY "LVD #OTTAGE 'ROVE .EXT TO "I-ART /PEN DAYSWEEK Winter Hours: Weekends noon-5pm M,W,F 2-4pm Summer Hours: May-Sept. Daily Noon-5pm or by appt.