Topics of
the Times
i«* ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ »♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
Galveston has King Canute beat sev
erul city blocks.
The cigarette Is the dead mouse In
the wall of the tobacco shop.
Good morning. Have you made an
Investment by brightening somebody's
Mfe this morning?
As King Alfonso would say: "You
jjn n ot make a Spanish omelet without
freakin g a few eggs."
No. Anxious Inquirer, Mr. Llttauer
was not party to the fatal glove con
test on the battleship Vermont.
The woman who thrashed her hus
band for getting drunk regarded It
doubtless merely as a case of tight
lacing.
macnlnes. The Government Is not to
I>e commended for theee failures In
utility, but certainly It Is noteworthy
that this practical nation so far for
got Itself In admiration of medalllc art
that It never Inquired whether the
coins could be used or not. The plain
people naturally are more concerned
about the pennies than they were
about the gold pieces, the habit of
stacking double eagles not being prev
alent outside of banks, subtreasurles
and cashiers' offices. The slot machine
has become a favorite means by which
the people come Into communication
with chewing gum, chocolate drops
and other luxuries and diversions. It
was a serious matter when It was dis
covered that the new Lincoln penny
would not work In this capacity. The
fact that V. D. Brenner, the medalist
had his Initials tucked away micro
scoplcally on the penny, although ob
jected to, was unimportant. The slot
machine defect was serious, and fur
thermore It was discovered that the
hank coin machines could not be
worked with the new coins. The Gov
ernment Is getting too artistic.
It
must have a care for the practical
things In life.
■
n
R
S
**THE
]
^A1
C
O
]
PI
c:
p
:
Pi
l
!
■H
w âf
NATURES LAWS CONSTRUCTED BY MAN.
B y Charles If. Gibson.
One sometimes finds people who consider
theory to be a useless sort of thing, a sort
of wild guess, without which we should be
none the poorer.
It must be clear that a
theory Is more than a mere speculation. I f
I suggest that the moon Is made of green
cheese my speculation Is not entitled to be
called a theory. I cannot bring forward any
observed facts to support my suggestion.
There Is a good Btory told of a well known professor
examining three raw students.
He asked the first,
"Does the earth go round the sun or the sun go round
the earth?"
"T h e earth goes round the sun, sir."
"You,” said the professor, quickly turning to the
second student.
“ O, the sun goes round the earth.”
"You,” demanded the professor of the third student.
"O, It's sometimes the one way and sometimes the
other.”
Our position then is this: W e gather a number of
carefully observed facts and we then try to explain
them. We then look out for new facts and see If our
theory can explain these also. If It cannot we must be
w illin g to alter our theory.
When we are quite satisfied that a theory Is correct
we then raise the theory to a higher platform and call
It a law of nature. It Is well to remember that with all
other knowledge these laws of nature are of man’s own
making
It Is amusing how some people think that
certain things happen because of these “ laws of na
ture.”
As If the universe were controlled by these
laws which man has constructed! The laws of nature
are only theories which seem to be correct. They are
not facts, but merely our views or Ideas of facts.
They demand It because of the competition with which
they meet from their sisters who are not as rich as
themselves
They don't want these to equal them In
splendor and In elegance.
Those who will hold out longest in this mad chase
will some day awaken to the fact that in spite of all
their resplendent gowns they are not really elegant
women, but Imitations and no more. And then they
will take their money, which they now waste on almost
Inconceivable luxuries to adorn themselves outwardly,
and w ill spend It In travel and In other things which
will enrich their Intellect, and w ill make them more at
tractive as women and not mere lay figures.
TRAMPS AND BUMS ARE DISTINCT CLASSES.
By Terence V. Powderly.
There Is a big difference between the man
who Is out of a Job and cannot find one and
the man who never had a Job and would not
take one If he could get It. A tramp Is a
man w illing to work, but forced to go from
place to place In search of It. A bum is a
sot, a loafer and a drone who goes Into hys
teria at the mention of the word work. A
hobo Is an Individual who goes on the theory
that the world owes him a living and he Is going to get
It by hook or crook. The honest workingman need take
no offense at the criticism of the tramp class. The hobo
or bum never worked and never will. He Is the fellow
whose motto is, "T h e world owes me a living.” The
honest workingman knows that the world doesn’t owe
him a livin g unless he earns it.
The solution of the unemployed problem in the big
cities Is In the transportation of men who want to work
to places where men are wanted for work. There Is a
crying demand for labor In this country. In the fields
of the west and along the road3 of the west there Is a
constant cry for more men. In Chicago, New York and
the other large cities there are thousands of good, hard
working men who could fill this need if they had the
chance. The trouble Is they haven’t the money to get
to the field of employment.
Owing to the advent of the aero
plane some one from Kansas might
Already American and Canadian pa
make a fortune by introducing the cy
per« are beginning to talk about cele
clone cellar In England.
brating the one hundredth anniversary
Orville Wright earned a $5,000 bonus of the war of 1812. Except on the
In 14 minutes and 42 seconds. It had principle that every event important
taken him some time, however, to get enough to be remembered must bs
celebrated after one hundred years, we
ready to do the earning.
seen no great call to make a fuss over
Philosophers, LL.D .’a, and others of the war of 1812. Neither nation has
that character greet one another as any reason to be proud of Its begin
follows:
“ Good evening; have you nlng, end of Intervening history. Wo
were nagged Into the quarrel by re
made up a new religion yet?"
strictions put upon neutral commerce
Edward Payson Weston, who has by the contending forces In the Na
walked across the continent In hts poleonic wars. The policy represented
by the British orders on council was
seventy llrst year, Is a living refuta
no more oppressive than that repre
tlon of the chloroform theory.
FEMININE BEAUTY AS NOW INTERPRETED.
sented by Napolleon’s Milan decreet.
B y Marcel Prevost.
Speaking of midsummer bargains, But wo seem to suffer more from Brit
did you notice that the $1,000,000 lab restrictions because that power
Mrs. Howard Gould testified recently to the
Rockefeller building wns sold by the had a navy to enforce them. In our
effect that a truly elegant woman ought not
Juvenile Irritation and bumptiousness
elder to the younger John D. for $1?
to wear the same gown twice, no matter how
EAST MUST NOT DOMINATE THE WEST.
we rushed without preparation into
beautiful or expensive a gown it may be. The
a
war
that
would
have
been
ruinous
By Gov. John A. Johnson.
In other words, according to the ac
tendency towards almost Inconceivable ex
commodating alienist. Thaw was In had not England been exhausted In a
It Is time that the West threw off the
travagance In dress Is not surprising In view
sane Just long enough to furnish the larger struggle. The trivial land bat
shackles of the East. We as an Integral part
of the fact that society lays so much stress
excuse which was going to be neces ties of that war were neither honor
of the American people should cast our Influ
upon appearance rather than upon accom
able to us nor very creditable to the
»ary.
ence and our votes not only t» advance the
plishments.
One of our first ultra-modern
unvarying victors.
We have always
material Interests of our own particular sec
principles is that woman’s attraction resides not so
Five feet of books will make some boasted of our naval prowess In a
tion, but we should be broad enough and big
much In her spiritual and Intellectual qualities, not in
men real scholars. And then, again, number of frigate duels, but these had
enough to labor for the common good of our
her beauty, but In her elegance. And by elegance Is
there are other men upon whose na little effect on the course of hostlll
common country.
not meant the politeness and the harmony of her bear
tive Ignorance five cords of books ties. A fter all the naval victories of
We have In the States west of the Missis
ing and manners, but simply the way In which she
wouldn"t make an Impression.
Terry and McDonough on the Interior
sippi the undoubted balance of power, no matter under
"appears," the manner In which she Is dressed.
lakes, trifling as they were, did more
what name the national administration at Washington
To be beautiful in our day and age no longer means
Evelyn Thaw emphatically denies than anything else to bring the war
exists. In the years that have passed our population
to possess beautiful features.
Modern language and
that she Is an angel child, and It Is to an end. The treaty of peace Is no
and our material wealth have not enjoyed that repre
modern logic have changed the meaning and notion of
probable that a largo percentage of great cause of pride either. Though it
sentation to which they are entitled, and, furthermore,
this. Beauty to our modern notions is a thing not In
the population will be Inclined to take contained a number of sensible pro
our leaders have been content to follow in no small
ternal, Inherent, God given, but an external thing, de
her word for It without any further visions forced upon both nations by
measure the leadership of men who represent relatively
pendent upon the purse, the tailor, and the milliner.
protestations.
pressure of circumstances, It left open
small constituencies and smaller commonwealths. It ¡3
The artists who devote their lives to making new
ruses of dispute that vexed us for gen
time that the great northwest should come Into its
fashions and styles for the beautiful sex are racking
A New York correspondent objects erations, some of which are yet un
own and by the force of its energy, the ability of Its
their brains'" now to make up g o w a i for which they are
that men's clothes have too many pock settled. On the whole the war of 1812
sons and the co-operation of Its various constituent
to charge $500, or hats for $300. They do not plan
ets. An evident attempt to keep up was an Indiscreet adventure of our
parts exert an Influence for good not only as to its own
such high priced gowns because of their own great cu
the general average In compensation youth, provoked by insolent British
particular prosperity, but to that of the country at
pidity. but because of their patrons' extravagance. Their
for the complete absence of pockets In contempt of our feebleness, which both
large, to «h ie h every element Invites It.
best patrons demand such high priced gowns and hats.
women's clothing.
nations may well agree to Ignore. The
most practical suggestion In connec
P R O P E R T IM E TO LAUGH.
The Standard Oil Company, It Is an tion with this Is that the United States
flounced, will manufacture butter as a and Canada Join In celebrating, not
by-product. The Standard a long time the war of 1812, but the century of S o m e V a u d e v i l l e J u k e l e t e W h i c h
A it i.* ( 'm i n o t
W ith er.
ago manufactured axle grease, and pence between the two countries that
Vaudeville Is known as the “ laugh
from axle grease to some kinds of but followed It. First made nt the last
ter Is only a step.
Harvard commencement, this sugges trust,” but not for the reason one
tion has been officially approved In might think. It gets the phrase be
Canada. It would naturally postpone cause there are a certain definite num
A California man tins Invented a fly
ber of devices In Its category of acts
Ing machine which he calls an ornl- the celehrallon until 1914.
that control the laughs of Its audi
thopter and by means of which he ex
ences. The same old things are always
pects to bo able to fly like an evgle. In
“ r r o f « > « f t ln i i n l F n l h e r * . M
good for a laugh In vaudeville. Ac-
case his expectations nro realised we
A curious Industry has sprung up ordlng to the Bohemian, a new de
suppose It will bo permissible to speak
n France owing to the law which vice, a new bit of “ business,” a new
o f his performance as "ornlthoplng."
icrtnlts any man to declare himself Joke are all regarded as dangerous by
he legal father of a child, the Paris
Courts for children, like those of correspondent of the I-ondon Express the performers. The following table
higher Jurisdiction, are sad reminders says. A number of men of good fain details some of the times at which a
vaudeville audience regularly laughs:
of neglect, depravity and crime in man
lly and small menus have adopted pa
When a comedian walks with a
kind
They exist not from choice or ternity ns a profession and are w illin g
through pride In the machinery of law, for a small sum to declare themselves mincing step and speaks In a falsetto
olre.
but as a result o f dire necessity In fathers of boys or girls who have no
When a German comedian opens his
eotno cases. The bar nt which Incor-
names o f their own. As long as these oat and discloses a green waistcoat.
rlglhles are arraigned should not be a
honest men alone profited by tin* law
When a comedy acrobat falls down
Judgment seat for nurslings accused of
there was no particular reason to In repeatedly
trilling
misdemeanors.
Officialdom
terfere, but the authorities are taking
When a performer asks the orches
guilty of wholesale arrests and prose
steps to abrogate It now owing to tra leader If he is a married man
cutlons of this description Is Usel" In
curious circumstances which have
When a black-face cojnedian says
need of discipline
come under their notice.
something about chicken.
Some time ago a woman proceeded
When a performer starts to rise
Interest In the project of damming against a man for theft and black
from a chair and the drummer pulls
Niagara River has been renewed by mail. lie « a s sentenced to two years'
a reslned piece of cord so that the
the approaching n lort of the inter
Imprisonment. The woman had a son performer thinks his clothes have
national Deep Waterways Commission. «In* bail been registered as "o f par ripped.
1 lie members of the commission are eniage unknown.”
When the black
When the drummer suddenly beats
said to be Individually lti favor of the mailer came out of prison he In due
the drum during a comedian's song
dam
Shipping men favor It also, as form declared
himself the young and the latter stops and looks In hts
the decline In level of l.uke Erie every man's father, and he Is his father direction.
flock together for protection, and he guaranteed us under the Constitution.
autumn rerlouslv Interferes w ith their still. Recently In a lawsuit In which
When a tramp comedian turns ] saw one big herd with fully 10.000 ani A machine which will enable him to
business, it Is estimated that a dam an Inheritance was nt slake the evi around amt discloses a purple p.r h
mals bunched and bellowing with blow out all the gas within reach,
which would maintain the lake nt a dene« proved that the legal father or several pearl buttons or a target
pain. The cattle, he says, keep mov without need for subsequent hospital
permanent and satisfactory level could of one of th<’ parlies was two years Sewed on the soat of Ills trousers
ing to the windward to keep the pests treatment, w ill do much to restore
be built for $.">,000,000.
When the funny member of the off as much as possible. Occasionally Hiram's faith In popular government.
younger than his daughter, and this
state of affairs Is too Gilbertlan to re troupe of Instrumentalists Interru :s one w ill become exhausted and fall be
So much for the blowing out of gas;
the progress of a melody by sounding hind, or a cow w ill stop to help Its but why can not this beneficent genius
The Department of Agriculture has main possible much longer.
a discordant note on his trombone.
Issued a warning to the public concern
calf, only to meet a hasty death. Some turn his attention to other needed In
*h «» \\ un it’! * u r «».
When a clown of a team of acro animals Mr. Foster saw have actually ventions? Where Is the machine that
ing the growing use of phenacetln.
ncetanllld and antlpyrln These drugs
A famous baseball player has a bats poises himself to do a presuma been smothered to death by the great w ill make banana peels on the side
are declared to hi* true poisons. The younger sister who Is Intensely proud bly difficult feat ami suddenly changes swarms of mosquitoes.
walk a delight to pedestrians? Isn't
danger lies In the powerfully depres- of him. although not very fam iliar his mind and walks away without do-
"N o one who has not witnessed con there some device that w ill make the
stng effect upon the heart, and In the with the national game. Mentioning 'ng It.
ditions on the Island Is able to form humorist who rocks boats and pulls
ease with which a habit of use u form his name one day to a visitor, the
any Idea of what the people and stock chairs from under folks a public bene
Xt t»st| ii I t o e s K i l l i n l l l e .
ed. Of a large number of physicians latter asked her what position her
have suffered." concluded Mr Foster.
factor? Can't we have an antidote for
R M. Foster ami T. A. Dees return
who gave testimony to the department, brother played.
the revolver which no one supposed
A P r e m iu m on P o lly .
ed home from t’ heniere au Tlgre, an
a great majority stated that they were
"W h y." she stammered. " I I'm not
was loaded?— Success Magazine.
Uncle
Hiram,
who
wears
whiskers
Island
south
of
Abbeville,
a
Houston
prescribing these drugs less frequently sure, but I think he's a b a tter!"— I.lp-
So ( nrolriM .
Post s Lake Charles i I j i . i correspond and lives In comle weeklies, w ill be
than was their former habit
In spite plneott’s
ent says. Great myriads of large mos delighted with the latest news from
'Y es. I have a cousin In Barcelona.-
of tills, the sales are Increasing
The
T itl»ltr«l ntnl
A man In the metropolis
quitoes caused the party to return New York
"A ren 't you worried?”
explanation Is that the drugs are used
Mrs Crawford You must love your home at once. Mr Foster Is authority has Invented a device which enables
" I ’m awfully worried— they're hav
in headoehe powders and other prep
husband very dearly If you save all for the statement that many head of one to blow out the gas without fear ing such dreadful times there killing
arations which are taken at soda foun
the letter» he sends you while you're cattle are being killed by the pests, of the consequences Ry a mechanism people. And I'm as mad at Arthur as
tains or Unight at drug stores for use
In the country.
and that the people of
the Island to° complicated to describe, the gas, I can be."
at home.
Mrs Crabshaw— T*tn keeping them would suffer a like fate If they ven- when blown out. automatically shuts
"W h .v r
So perfect Is the contrlv-
With as little unseemly boastfulness for comparison my dear. I'm sure to tured out. Day and night the Inhab- Itself off
"Recause he hasn't sent me any pic
Itants are compelled to fight constantly »nee. according to the Inventor, that ture post cards about It."— Cleveland
as possible to permit us to attract the catch him In a H e —Judge.
agatnst the little pest*, and what siuail even ,he * * * bill ceases to run.
attention of critical and sometimes
Plain Dealer.
The modern mother does so much
farm work Is done on the Island has
Hiram, the comics tells us. has never
captious Europe to the fact that this
to spare her children It Is a wonder been sadly neglected
Every man things that while others
been able to understand why meddle-
Government of the free and equal In
she doesn't think up some plan of
Mr. Foster says that the cattle ex some people should Interfere with his may be stingy or profligate, he Is Just
Its latest money making experiments
tAktng their pills for them
the Island can usually be found la simple, homely diversions
Rlowlng ( a happy medium.
has sacrificed utility to esthetic» The
So many people seem to look die*
new gold pieces would not stack and
IV'n't wear diamond* unless you herds of about 1*H1 each, but the n-.os- out the gas. he has always maintained.
quttoes have caused the animals to '* one
those personal
privileges couraged all the time.
the usw pennies will uot fit the slot have s bank balance to match.
NEW
B U R G LA R A L A R M .
Germ an Invention
U tilize« W in d o w
and D o o r w a y Curtain*.
Deputy Consul General Ulysses J.
Bywater reports, according to Dally
Consular Reports, on a simple ap
pliance for giving warning of attempt
ed burglary or forcible entry
Into
premises, which Is thus described by
the consular officer:
This appliance has been thoroughly
tested by the police authorities of
Dresden and Berlin, and the most ex
perienced experts were unable to find
flaws In the apparatus, br to enter Into
the protected premises without start
ing the alarm. The appliance Itself
Is very simple, consisting of a curtain
or portiere, wired with fine conductors.
At certain places on the curtain are
affixed small metal knobs, which are
connected with the wire conductors.
The curtain Is then drawn across the
window or door, or around the safe,
and the slightest disturbance of this
position breaks the circuit, as the met
al knobs are thrown out of contact
with each other.
Should the burglar notice the wires
and cut one or several thereof the
breaking of the circuit would also
start the alarm. Any other attempt to
destroy the protecting curtain would
also be noticed. Any curtain, unless
made of fireproof material, would also
act as a fire alarm. The alarm Itself
may consist of a series of bells, lights
or other electrical appliances. This In
vention can be used to protect doors,
windows, safes, etc., and naturally the
curtains, forming the most conspicu
ous part of the device, can be designed
and arranged to suit Individual taste.
The Inventor recently gave the writer
an exhibition of the working of the
apparatus, and the Impression was that
this Invention Is unique In simplicity
and reliance.
t
X
THE HINDU SCHOOLBOY.
*
.
\
%
2
The pupils in schools In India are
much mqre amenable to discipline
than English or American boys. Dr.
T. L. Pennell, the author of "Am ong
the W ild Tribes of the Afghan
Frontier,” says that the Indian school
boy has not yet lost the ancient tradi
tional respect and love of the puplL
for the master, and therefore wins the
sympathy and interest of his instruct
ors.
His chief falling is his incorrigible
propensity to what is known in Eng
lish schools as "sneaking;” schoolboy
honor and esprit de corps are being
developed in mission schools, but have
very little basis on which to build.
'Please, sir, Mahtab Din has been
pinching me.”
‘Shuja’at A ll has stolen m y book.”
‘Ram Chand has spilt Ink on m y
copy-book.”
If the master Is w illing to listen to
tales of this kind, he will get a con
tinuous supply of them all day long.
There is much greater diversity in
the social status of the boys In an
Indian school than in English schools.
In the Bannu Mission School every
class of the community is represented,
from the son of the rich, landowner
to that of the laborer, from the Brah
man to the outcast, and not only do
they get on well together without the
poor boy having to feel by taunt or
treatment that he is unwelcome o r
despised, but I have often come across
genuine acts of charity which have
been done quite naturally and without
any ’ ostentation; in fact, such deeds
are kept secret in the m ajority o f
cases.
Thus a poor boy, unable to buy hts
books, has had them supplied to him
by the richer boys of his class.
In
one case a poor boy was left quite
d e s titu te ly the death of his father,
and some of the boys arranged a small
subscription month by month to en
able him to remain at school.
P h i l a d e l p h i a * , ilo a s t .
Chicago and New York
doubtles*
have their uses W e must have pork
and beef, and we must have a com
mercial metropolis, but it is hard to
believe that any one woulfl w illin gly
live in New York unless possessed of
an income of a million or so a year.
In this city we live with com fort
and a due sense of proportion. There
are a few flats in the city, and there
are enough people who don’t need
homes to fill them, but the average
Philadelphian is wedded to his hearth
stone. He owns his house and lives
in it with pride and comfort, without
ostentation.
Ouradvice to people in Chicago and
New York is to come to Philadelphia
to live, where babies may be born
without the fear of the landlord, and
where they may be nurtured in com
fortable homes and brought up to be
respected citizens. — Philadelphia In
quirer.
Iln m
w ith
J elly .
Melt In a saucepan a large table
spoonful of butter and half a glass of
currant or other acid jelly. Shake In
a little pepper, and when hot lay In
four or five small thin slices of boiled,
cold ham. Let it boll up once and
serve quickly on toast.— Boston Post.
>nt
fo r
H im .
“ I don't think lions ought
caged.”
“ It Is the only way to keep
from becoming extinct.”
“ Oh. surely there Is another
" I f you mean cagin' Roosevelt,
me out.” — Houston Post.
to
be
them
way."
count
A xreen h lp ,
Palm ist— shall I tell your fortune,
sir?
BrokeIy— Yes. Tell It to h-*-*-» up.—.
Puck.