4 T u r F ai l i C ity N tw i, J ani j| Merry Moments;; !1 < > — < • 11 Aa We Journey Through I !! Life Let l i t Laugh i I by the Way A» He Figured It. Victor and Edwin, aged six and four, respectively, had just been seated at the table for dinner. There were five older persons pres­ ent and this was really the first time that either of those kids had been allowed to sit up for the big meal of the day. Victor looked across the snowy board as the des­ sert was brought in, made a hasty calculation and burst into a loud and long wail. “ What’s the matter, Victor?” asked one of the elders. “ There’s seven of us, and there ain’t but six desserts. Toor little Edwin ain’t going to get none!”— New York Globe. W h a t L ittle Things Lead To. Teacher— The «ohinx has eyes, but it cannot— “ 8ee!” cried the children. “ Has ears, but it cannot” — "H ear!” they responded. “ Has a mouth, but cannot” — “ Eat!” said the chorus. “ Has a nose, but it cannot” — “ Wipe it!” thundered the class. More. Brown came into his lawyer’s of­ fice. “ Smith was at my house last night,” he said, “ and he picked up a chair and hit me over the head.” “ We’ll sue him for damages to your head,” said the attorney. “ Well,” replied Brown, “ I was thinking of suing him for the dam­ ages to the chair.” — Exchange. An In v ita tio n . The Stranger When you get time, drop in and see ine and I'll give ^ou some honest work. Blinkey the Peterman— When I git time? Huh! De jury jus’ now give me free years’ time for bur­ glary. The Stranger— So I thought. I’m warden of the penitentiary.— Chi­ cago News. are 81. 19i4 SPANKED THE RUFFIAN. FALLS C I T Y , OREGON R e m in g to n D d t h . J o b W a ll a n d th a D ia tu r b a r S u b a id a d . Offers exceptionally fine opportunities for the establishment 09 The late Frederic Remington had a personality as original and viva­ cious as his artistic style. His friends have scores of amusing an­ ecdotes to tell of him. It was F.. W. Kemble who introduced me to Frod- srie Remington in 1890, writes Mr. Augustus Thomas in the Century Magazine. The two illustrators I were close friends, and they under stood one another perfectly. They sat together one night on a Manufacturers and Honieseekers w ho w ant to know the facta con- late train out of New York, Hem ' cerning Falls City and its possibilitea for future development are ington by the car window and Kom requested to read the information given in these two columns. For ble next to the aisle. An obstreper­ further and more particular information, address The News. ous commuter who had been drink­ ing was disturbing the passengers The Nam e with Ins noise. Neither conductor nor brakemau could make him be­ The city derives it« mum from the falls of the Little I.uckia- have himself. The men passengers i mute River, which flows through the city from the West. seemed afraid of him. The rowdy The first sale of town lots occurred in 1889, though donation grew intolerable. As he passed Kemble’s side on his land-claim settlers cim e heYe many years before that date. In third blatant parade through the 1900 the imputation was 2t>9; in 1910, 9l>0; 1914, about 1,250. car Remington reached out into the aisle and, with a mighty grip, lifted T h e Lo cation him from his feet like a naughty boy and laid him face downward Falls City is situated in the south central part of Polk County. over Kemble’s lap. Then, as Rem­ Oregon, in section 21, township 8, 8.. range 6,W.. Willamette mer­ ington held the ruffian fast, Kemble idian, 27 rail miles southwest of Salem, and 78 rail miles south­ spanked him, while the man's legs west of Portland, in the narrow western end o f the Little Lucki- wriggled frantically for a foothold. The correction, prolonged and vig­ amute River valley, surrounded on the north, south, and west by orous, was acclaimed by roars of the foothills of the Coast Range mountains. Elevation, 886.88 ft laughter from the other passengers. above sea level. Transportation— Salem, Falls City A Western When it was over Remington stood Railroad, which extends from Salem to Black Rock, a rail the offender on his feet. The man distance of 80 miles, with F. P. main line connections at Dallas, began a profane tirade. Before he Gerlinger, and Salem, and with the Oregon Electric at Salem had got half a dozen words out Remington had him face down Falls City is incorporated as a city, contains about 800 acres, again and Kemble was at work aa valuation for taxation $25*2,000. The city administration is com­ before. That was enough, and when posed of mayor, seven counciimen, auditor and police judge, mar­ they let the follow go he rapidly shal, treasurer, engineer, health officer. Salaries: Marshal and disappeared into another car. water superintendent, ItiO; auditor, $25; attorney, #25. C o - O p e r a t iv e C a n n e ry C o - O p e r a t iv e C re a m e ry W a o d - w o r k in g F a c to rie s F ru it and B e rry O r c h a r d s Coronet*. The coronet of a duke consists of alternate crosses and leaves, the leaves being a representation of the leaves of the parsley plant. The princes of the blood royal also wear a similar crown. The state head- gear of a marquis consists of a dia­ dem surrounded by flowers and pearls placed alternately. An earl, however, has neither flowers nor leaves surmounting his circlet, but only points rising, each with a pearl on the top. A viscount has neither flowers nor points, but only the plain circlet adorned with pearls, which, regardless of number, are placed on the crown itself. A baron has only six pearls on the golden border, not raised, to distinguish him from an earl, and the number of pearls render his diadem distinct from that of a viscount. W a t e r and W ood The citv of Falls City owns the gravity water system, fte first cost was 180,000. Pure mountain w ater is piped front snrings on Judge Teal’s ranch, 8 miles away, at an elevation o! about 800 feet above city level. Oak and tir tire wood is plentiful and cheap. L u m b e r , F ru it, V e g e ta b le s and B e rrie s Electric-power planing and saw mill, log pond, dry kiln and lumber yard in the city, lumber flume, logging roads and logging outfits, all owned and operated by the Falls City Lumber Co. The surrounding bench and hill lands are as well adapted to the production of fruits and berries as any other section of the Pacific Northwest, and development on these lines is going on. Vegetables and berries of many kinds grow to perfection in and adjoining Falls City, and many acres are planted to straw­ berries nud loganberries. Market conditions are improving stead­ ily, as production is increased. Falls City has a 12-grade school with a four-year high school course, with principal, assistant, and eight grade teachers. Its diplomas are accepted by the higher schools in lieu of examina- ations. The entire community is justly proud of the school. The Religious organizations are: Adventist, Catholic, Christian, Free Methodist, Methodist Episcopal, German Lutheran. The Fraternal societies: Ind. Order of Oddfellows, Rebekahs, Masons, Knights of Pythias, Pythian Sisters, Modern Woodmen of Ameri:a, Royal Neighbors o f Anurica, Woodmen of the World, Women of Woodcraft. Free reading room. Gem theatre, photoplay. Hydro-electric light generated by the power of the falls; owned by W. E. Newsom; II. G'. Brown, manager. Telephone system, with l.-d. connections. C. J. Pugh, local manager. An Im possibility. “ Does your wife ever attend your lectures ?*’ “ Of course not; that would never do M “ Why not?” "Could any wife sit and hear her husband talk for two hours without interrupting him ?” •— Philadelphia Public Ledger. O f L ittla Value. Young Mother—The question is, Jim— Does Si waste a lot of time Hr. Bache, what are we going to drinking ? make out of baby ? Bill— N o; but he loses a lot of Mr. Bache— I can’t see a cent in time waiting for somebody to ask him. If he only had two heads or him!— Chicago News. three legs, now, he would pay divi­ Kept H im T h irs ty . dends.— Kansas City Times. “ Tommy, you should drink what Effective. water you want before you go to The late Charles E. Brookfield bed. I had to get you a drink four knew the mid-Victoria celebrities, times last night.” and one of his many stories relates “ Well, mother, I kept dreaming I to an incident that occurred when was eating salt mackerel.” —Ex­ he was staying with Tennyson and change. Fitzgerald. Tennyson had his feet on the mantel sheif, and “ Old Fitz” T he A rt of Conversation. was much annoyed. After some “ Your wife must be awfully clev­ vain expostulation, Fitzgerald said: er! She talks like a book!” “ Do take your feet down, Alfred; “ Yes; I have known her silence you look like a Longfellow.’ Ten­ to be eloquent and her frown to nyson’s feet came down instantly. speak volumes!” —Ju% e. anr. T h e S A F E b o y s 'm a g a z in e 0 3 T All h«T fo r . 11 b n r * not * chi M‘ . po per. Clean . . ft w h ir l s , fu ll o f pictures, ilfi t o ( i p a p u ©very m onth. Manly, inspi rings» f>rie« o f travel, ad ven­ ture, athletics, hlutorv, m bool lifo . w ritten hr moht popular boy** author*. Jnatruf tir o special * - “ a ll “ and o th e r ’ artici no articles o n for fo o tb .monts o f M «chan Ira, E lectricity , Popular Boleneo. ITo*? to M ah« hing*. t ifa n o Colleotln»?, Chickens, P ets,O ar e n !n e . In dentions and N atom i W onders Th « Amtrltin Boy, »rie« ptr y«a r, fi.00 Th« Fall» Clly N « w t................... 1.00 Both, r t f a la r ................... ' »2.00 0«r Special prie« for both, $150 11 paid lo The N«wi, Falli City, Oregon R e a d b y 500,000 b o y s B usiness E n te rp ris e s Falls C'ty is well provided with the usual business enterprises. The News contains the announcements of the following business and professional men of the city: Bakery, D. Toller, Bank of Falls City, W. F. Nichols cashier. Barber shops, Wm. Bohle. Carpenters and Builders, Kile & Elio, S. Ouderkirk. Clothier, Tailor ami gents’ furnisher, Chas. flarlung. Drug store, M. L. Thompson. Dentist, Dr. A. G. Atwood. Department store, N. Selig. Funeral director, R. L. Chapman. Furniture, J. C. Talbott & Co. General stores, N. Selig, F. C. Lumber Co., F. C. Merc. Co. Hardware store, J. C. Talbott 8c Co, Hotel: Falls City Hotel, American plan, J. B. Tawney. Jewelry store, W. A. I’ersey. Land company, Falls City Orchards Co. Laundry, N. W. Crandell. Newspaper, the Falls City News, C. W. Lee. Photoplay theatre, the Gem, C. J. Pugh. Physiciabs, Dr. W. B. Officer; Dr F. M. Hellwarth. Pressing and cleaning parlor, I, A. Johnson. Railroads, Halem, Falls City & Western, Southern Pacific. Real estate agent, C. W. Lee. Saloons: The Oregon, C. W. Matthews; The Idaho, Chas. Mix. m m m Special Subscription Bargains - ■■■ — • • • • --------- • *•1botcl S e m p le N e e m e B e e t A e c e m m e d e t le n e J . e . T e w n e y , P .e e r le te r IIAHIIKK » I l O r » Bohle’s Barber Shops F e lle C it y , O r e a e e C o llier’s The • National • Whtrt yoe us ft«i i Ski««. Balr Cet. But *r ‘Skia«* W eekly F ir s t T i m e in Special Offer to Our Reader! Recognizing the great demand for Collier’t at the new price, we have made arrange m en u to offer it and our own publication rat h one year (or the price of Collier '«alone. '1 In t - u limited offer and must be taken advantageof promptly. What You Get in Collier’s CoUirr't is th^ one I ig, indr pendent, frarh - s weekly of the whole country. Not only i» it the good citizen’ s h a n d h o o k but it is also .a magazine for the whole f.imily. Among the things that a year’ « ¡ m U ni p ti n give« met 1 0 0 0 E d itorials 6 0 0 N aw s P h otos 2 5 0 S h o r t A r tic le s 1 5 0 S h ort Stori«-« 1 0 0 Illu s tra te d Feature« 2 ( o m p lr le N o v e ls 2.50 Collier’» ____ $2.50) a ' o 'V a THE N E W S . . $ 1 .0 0 J BUII.DINO CONTRACTOR C lub» U n t il th is year Collier ’ 1 has been sold at $5.50. N ow the prite is $2.50 and w eh avt secured a concession w here­ by we can offer it at a still further reduction in c o n ­ nection with tins p u blication . S c h o o ls , C h u rc h e s , S o c ie tie s , C lu b s H it M eth od . healthful brim lood O i l I y § 1 O y IRcal Estate Bgcitcç g>rof coeletta l C arte $ c S a u l O u d e r k ir k B u ild in g C o n t r a s t a r . M ade. Phone 194 R e p a ir e Falls City, Ore. CONTRACTOR» AND B U ILD E R » Have your house repairing done in the Winter, and nave money. We do all kinds of building and repairing. Will be glad to give estimates. Phone 1411 Fells City F.LLE Si ELLE. Contractors and Builders MONUMENT» G . L. H A W K I N S M A R B L E A N D G R A N IT E MONUMENTS * D a lla s , O re p p e r --------------------- I ' n o n i O l Zhc ©regon C . W . M a t t h e w s , P r e p r le t e r Exclusive rights for the sale of Russell & Gilbert Candies, fcllis Confectionery Store v---------- -------- — " 1 ■ 1 9 , 4 f — P noni 137 O VER e s YEARS* E X P E R IE N C E Zhc P a ten ts Ifbabo TRADE M AR K S C D e s ig n s o p y r ig h t s S c . A n yon a sen din g a sketch and description m ay quickly ««certa in ou r op in ion free w hether an Invention is p rob a b ly patent nido. Com m unlm - Mona st rictly confident lui. HANDBOOK on Patent« sen t free, o ld e s t Agency fo r securin g patents. Patent« taken through Munn C H A U . M I X * P a op H ip T O R S l C o . receive tperUU notice, without charge. In th« Scientific American. A handaomely Illustrated weekly. largest cir­ culation o f Any «. tentino Journal. Terms, |3 a rear; four month«, |L Bold by all rewm icAlers. M f . H o m s S e e k e r— C O M E TO FALLS C IT Y . O R EG O N a n d B uy O ro h a rd Land £ — ■■■ .a 'll