The Boardman Mirror
Boardman, Oregon
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY
Mm. Claire P. Harter, Local Editor
MARK A. CLEVELAND, Publisher
2.00 PER YEAR IN ADVANCE
Entered as second-class matter Feb.
11, 1921, at the post olllce at Boarcl
uian, Ore., under act of Mar. 3, 1879.
Quake mid Quacks
Just when a feller gets a new
sprin;: grip on himself along comes
a quake savant and mentality Jars
you loose from your real estate. If
this chap really slips the equator
through Boardman (which his
calculations denote) it) means we
will have to switch from dill pickles
to ripe bananas. This inward fer
mentation is scheduled to begin
March 21st. Along in July we will
be under a fiill head of steam. Mos!
of Europe will be so sagged that
marine fish will have to dive a mile
to seek the shade of Eiffel tower.
This savant holds that the equator
formerly followed the Rocky Moun
tains. It is now due to return to
its first love. That womans
Intuition, sixth .sense, has sensed
this coming climatic change by ab
breviating her costume. The changi
' to date is mild compared with whai
is to follow. To gather the cocoa
. nut, pick the manllla bean, husk
"the "dolled" in pcekabo waists and
half way socks. Th present inhabi
ittiim Ui Hit- (MllifliWl U(J lllt!U UUHI
work wearing a full expression, mln
us frills or flouts. That tall build
ings will be unsafe. However the
United States will not be wholly
wrecked. Those portions of tlr
earth which have been "farmed out"
are doomed. New reclamation pro
jects such as the John Day and the
Umatilla Rapids will become new
Kingdoms taking the place of the
doomed. Blessed Is life though
death be in our midst.
Down in South America they hav
found the trial of a plesiosauriau
monster. This may be a little deep
and to enlighten we will state that
a pleslosaurlan is a working model
of the' mammiferous amphibian
"Stewing" this into plain English
Ve' have a 12X12 goose with a gl
raffe neck. A buddy suggests thai
we propogate the species that the
hay crop may form an association
with the appetite of this bird, thus
cutting down the overhead. It is
our honest opinion thai when the
trial Is traced they willl find a re
tired Umatilla County bootlegger.
n i.i
VHim iru-l riiu BVmiWIl US m IU1I
swiittf In Bump. Five passenger
i u ii iiu I. .in. i i ii Hi. ri...... ii.......
I" i i m i ' iiuiij lllflll l hi in mi
liOnaon. t ompare these planes Willi
the one that made us a visit last
summer. They are of 12 passenger
(upailty. Twin engines of 4(i0 11
TP, each. The plane is 75 feet widi
by 60 feet long It stands 20 reel
high. Compare this plane to one w'
the wings of the school house. The
wing is 116 feet wide by 80 feet
long. About 20 feet to the eves
The above plane weighs 12,000
pounds. It will be quite interesting
when we have an hourly plane drift
ing over the project, say the slie of
u school wing It will be more Inter
esting to have a landing field that
they may visit in our midst. Let's
KO.
Chicago reports upward wheat
prices due to high winds drying up
the moisture In Kansas. If u foliar
could only work the "wind racket"
In the alfalfa we would all be millionaires.
Figures sjiow that the government
ha under bond (and a regiment of
soldiers) ,'!8 million gallons of rum
It is estimated that this supply will
last IS years as medicine. We
would like to know where they get
that Id years. Who can forecast the
snake condition of 1925 or the pro
duction of yeast cakes in 1 9 :0 .
The Christening of ships in 1936
and running through these It! years,
a bootlegger leak from the bottom of
the cask.
Maximilian Harden write the
clearest cut prcr ptlon for the
Worlds dls'w'iiper to date "Lt
manufacturers, farmers, tradesmen
and hankers iro.n rreat and small
lands meet some lu re without re
ference to vi-xj 'r or vanq mi i,
milt, punlshmw, treaties ami nt
ional predujkv and take council of
the most practical business methods
t.i restore the V. or ld quickly to a
Ufcting order. "A piescrlptl jn tl '( J
through the iDine pestl! and uiortar
will outcure million piltiea'
"quacks "
THE FOltTY THIEVES OUTDONE
Cold figures strip the mask from
the telephone trust so completely
that it is impossible for this multiple
wire tentacled octopus longer to
hoodwink the people. During the
past few years public service com
missions in every state from Maine
to California have been begged and
wheeled by highly paid telephone
company attorneys and special plead
ers to giant Increases in toll charges.
When the war ended, though the
wires seemed to have functioned
with efficiency under government
OOntroJi according to the company
officials nothing but wreckage and a
shattered personnel was handed hack
to them. The result was a service
so shocking, so exasperating, that It
became a public disgrace, and the
sondition was seized as a first excuse
for higher rates. Then followed
arguments of financial pressure, im
possibly high wages, imperative dem
ands on the pocket book of the or
ganization The poor little shiver
ing trust was in extremis it must
die unless relief were afforded. "Re
lief was afforded. The public purse
was tapped as usual, tapped to the
limit. Now the inevitable hour of
accounting has come. We learn thai
in 1921 the'American Telephone and
Telegraph Company made the uncon
;cionable profit of 154,022, 703 out
of a gross business of $110,74 2,722.
The dollars were picked up directly
from the pockets of the people, part
icularly the country folks, tintll the
.mall town people and farmers stag
gered under the load. Farmers by
i lie thousands were compelled to
discontinue- their telephones because
hey found it impossible to pay the
xtortionate prices exacted. While
the prices for farm products were
;jhone trust pressed the countryman
being battered downward, the tele
;o hard with raising rates that he
had no option but to cut off his con
act with the outside world and go
ack to the days of silence and dru
Igery. Adding impertinence to Its
itagnant conscience, the company's
,-eport now tells us that "while our
;ross earnings did not increase as
night have been expected had busi
ness been normal, our net earnings
nore than held its own." The For
iture. They are outclassed mere
advanced position in standard liter
ty Thieves should retire from their
plken living on a past reputation
gained when banditry such as that
of the telephone trust was an un
known art.
boys have been discarding rusty
hinges and knotted muscles and ac
cumulating "charley horses" and
'"glass arms" the past three weeks
We played our first game the 10th
We offer a fine field, a training
table of unexcelled quality, the
warm medicinal waters of the Co-
j lumbia River. A hospitality of such
; warmth that all Highway travel
melts before it. And further be it
resolved that we challenge the win
ner of this self-apointed league to a
series of three games for a jurse of
$1000, and $1000 to be donated
to delinquent tax payers for the
years of 1922 and 1923. If there is
red blood in your veins, put up. If
it fs tepid, remain as you have, silent.
BONUS AND THE DEAD
I
BLACK DIAMOND BUCCANEERS
Now the cold weather has passed
and the public has been successfully
;ouged thru the winter without let
.ip we may expect the cherubic wings
of the coal barons to spread a little
and word reach us of a slight reduc
lion in the price of coal, but even so
only as a result of agitation on the
part of the miners. The anthraicite
union tells us the retail price of coal
is $12 above the labor cost of $3.92
,i ton. With the public purse emp
tied, undoubtedly an appeal will be
made for the purchase of coal during
ihe summer, coupled of course with
i he usual warning, so unnecessary
lo issue, that prices are likely to
rise when l'ie next ci.ld simp -min
This is the routine. The operators
and all he rest of the parasitic crew
ihal lm i 1 coal between it"' miner
and the c irifttiliiur, nnxi ms tr. buns
on to thei-1 unaniei fc'aUiP. '.(ut
from the housetops for deflation,
liarticuhu lv in wages which have
been held lo be the crux of the coal
situation, but the figures speak for
themselves. People in New York
have been paying as high as $1ti a
ton for coal. Who gets the money
It 1b time we had a bill of particulars
stripped of all the confusing econ
oralfl terms and lpatitudes The
people want to know how that $16
Is divided who gets it and why
The miners very properly point
out that the labor cost of antraclte
never can be figured In dollars and
cents because there must be added
to the labor Post the loss of 500 lives
snuffed out each year, men who meet
death that their fellow human beings
may be kept warm and comfortable.
Exact ini; from the peoples $12 above
the labor cost for a ton of coal robs
the people beyond a question of
doubt, but worse than that it fattens
bank accounts founded on the misery
of widows and children
PLAY HALL
Morrow and tl ilium ...unties have
I'onued an inter-county base ball
league For reasons unknown we are
not exteuded an inviation to Join
Whether it was fenr of our ability or
just an oversight we do not know,
but to show that there is no hard
feelings we extend an invitation to
lleppner to do its pre season training
in Banana land With your hills
snow covered, your valleys frost
bound you "fan" without hope. Our
A bit of humor is noted in an
amendment on the soldier bonus
presented by Repr. Andrews of Mas
sachusetts. It reads as follows: "To
provide for the issuance of adjust
ed compensation certificates- to the
heirs or estates of service men who
died during the war or who may
die before the act may become ef
fective." With Mellon self-adjusted
for non-compensation and Pres.
Harding gas attacking through a sale
tax, its doubtful if there will be a
service man alive when the act be
comes effective.
New York is sponsoring a new
dance law. They are to dance by
the minute. You! are entitled to
66 one steps or 40 fox trots per
minute. If you make it 67 or 41
you are set back fifty bucks. If
you repeat, it will be $2 50. I de
fy any Judge or set of Judges to
"clock" a ball room full of moving
ankles. His counter would stutter
and his heart so flutter that his
reason would be deft and daff. It
can't be did. We are so sure of
ourselves that we will offer a prize
of $500 dollars to a committee of
Judges comprising Judge Richards
of Stanfield, Judge McKenzie of
Umatilla and Judge Warner of
Boardman. You are to correctly
tally through 240 minutes. (An
evening's dancing.) It's a "dutch"
book with us for we are betting $500
that the wives of these Judges will
not be content to lead blind men
the rest of their lives.
We would suggest that the Polar
Bear be provided with a stick sim
ilar to the all day sucker for the
heated term.
Plant those trees, don't wait till
next year Plant to protect the
"sass and berries, when you plow
up the alfalfa.
Batten down the hatches and pin
on your bonnet for o March 21st
is the equinox.
The Only lU-stniirant In Pendle-
T ton Employing a full crew of
white help.
j m mm i x ' i -ww m i
X 5 a i tin t qt t hearts and an alfalfa deficit in
t REST A vl ANT? "pokes" there is only one solut
. HOHBACH BROS., PROPS. X Let the County Agent transfer "h
T in n I, Mm i squirrel drive to the North Em
GARDEN "SASS"' AND CASH
That the refigerator ship is join
ing Summer to Winter consider the
following: "Watermelons of the
West Indies are on the New York
market." Twenty five pound melons
sell for $5.00. (Could you enthuse
for melon with ice on the pumpkin)
Honey dew melons from South Afri
ca. Plums, grapes and peaches
from Buenos Aires, Endive and
grapes from Belgium. Grapes selling
at a $1.00 a pound. There is a
lessson in the above. The early
"stuff" gets the money. There is
not a section in the Northwest earli
er than our project. Lettuce, as
paragus, rhubarb, corn, "cucks," po
tatoes, strawberries, raspberries,
early apples and cherries. In the
fall domestic and goreign grapes.
Five acres of any one of the above
produce more net money than the
'best forty acre alfalfa ranch on the
project. You know it and I know it
and still we flirt with a heart and
back breaker, alfalfa. We weave
our market basket with the stems
that produce the leaves that fill the
basket. A market flurry whirlpools
our efforts into thin air. Why not
a bedding of leaves in the bottom of
the basket that a crop of eggs, as
paragus, grapes, etc. will prevent the
bruising of our pocket books and
distemper our tempers. Let's make
a start this year. Root up an acre
of alfalfa. Go any of the above and
it will not be long before you will
be thumbing your nfse at the Feder
al Reserve. You may ship in the
evening and have your product on
the Spokane market in the morn
ing. You have the mining camps of
the Coeur D'Alenes. Butte is not too
far away.- They get ' their Spring
sass from California. Outside pf
the grapes the above mentioned pro
ducts will be mature and marketed
before the Fourth of July. Why
not clean up early and "Seaside"
through July and August.
Sounds sort of dreamy and on the
other hand isn't it just hell to
wrangle hay through July and Aug
ust and borrow money in October to
pay your taxes. (This is no dream)
The Rhine or California has noth
ing on us when it comes to grapes.
At Blalock forty miles West of here
is a thirty year old vinyard. (For
twenty years has not been irrigated
Flame tokaysj muscats and black
hamburgs are the varieties. They
Lcoiiipetod at Lewis & Clarke Fair
with California grapes and received
first prize. The Oregon grape leas
more sugar content and a firmer
shipper. The Eastern markets are
at your. door. Refrigerator ships
call at Portland and Astoria.
Isn't it a fact that we just sort
of stumble along through life. We
get in a rut, sort of indifferent and
hook wormy. Are we not a little
more so this Spring. Let's mix up
a little T. N. T. with our sulphur
and molasses and swat this "blue
fur.k amidships. If we Ifye in
the '"breaks" above Hardman or the
hills of Joseph we would be entitled
to fold our hands and cuss the gov
ernment, but living in the hot house
of the Northwest with a chill in our
our
ion.
tl
1.
Let's be up and doing.
D i a m o N D
and Tubes
Mighty Easy Riding
THE MODERN
A. B. C.
ALWAYS BE
CAREFUL!
liill!
II
Loose Wheels
Tightened
While You
Wait.
GAS OILS ACCESSORIES
Expert Guaranteed Repair Work
al Reasonable Prices.
Scrvi Car Any
Time Any Where
If Your CAR Is Sick, We Can Cure It,
No Cure. No Pay.
Boardman Garage
I
Excuse Ouv Dust.
L.. D Ii
"-BkiS 'if . MM
mm it QJ I'-'
V mm
BOARDMAN
Townsite Co
E. P. DODD, Pres.
City Lots for Sale at
ProperPrices
Boardman is a New
Town But Not a
Boom Town
i Ideally located on railroad and
Columbia river, far enough away
1 from any large town to naturally
become the trading center of a
wonderful growing country.
,.. a ,u AiiiflCAItt