rtnrmrT ' Tvmt-'a-' -l"?y y"-' "
CO
VOL. XXXI? NO 82
ASTORTA OREGON FRIDAY OCTOBER 5. 1888.
PRK.E blVE CENTS
'' . ' -W "
BUSINESS CARDS.
JOU.V H. SMITH.
ATTORNEr AT LAW.
Ofllce ou Cass street, 2 doors back of Odd
I ellows Building, Astoria, Oregon.
JgERM K AX AG A.
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
Room 9, Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon.
Q.KO. KO&ASin,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
'Mice In Kinney's Block, opposite City
ll.itl, Astoria, Oregon.
C. W. rCLTON. O. C. FULTON
FULTON BROTHERS,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
1:00ms S and 6, Odd Fellows Building.
c.
It. THOMSON ,
Attorney at Law and Notary Public.
Special attention given to practice in the
u. S. Land Office, and the examination ot
laud titles. A full set of Abstract Books for
Clatsop County in office.
office Up stairs, opposite Telegraph
Office.
r q. a. itowiiUY,
lttoruey and. Counsellor at linw
Office ou Cheuaraus Street, Astoria, Oregon
Q B. WATSOS,
Atty.at Law and Deputy Dist. Atty.
All business before the U. S. Land Office a
peclalty,
A8TOKIA, - - OllKGO.V.
I"tt. J. K. XiA FORCK.
DENTIST.
Hooms 11 and 12 Odd Fellows Building,
ASTORIA, --.. OREGON,
I")ltH. A. U AND J. A. FULTON.
Physicians and Surgeons.
Office on Cass street, three doors south of
Odd Fellow's building.
Telephone No. 41.
WAY TIJTTX.K, 31. I.
"UYSICIANAND SURGEON
Okfjcic Rooms 6 Pythian Building.
Residence : SK corner Wall and West
9th streets, opposite I. W. Case's,
A.
K. HIIAW.
DENTIST.
Rooms in Allen's Building, up stairs, cor
ner Cass and Squemoqua streets, Astoria
Oregon.
M
KS. DR. OWKVS-ADAUt,
Office and residence, D.K. Warren's for
mer residence, Astoria, Oregon.
Diseases of Women and Children, and of
the Eye and Ear, specialties.
rK.O.n.F.8TKM.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON.
Office : Gem Building, up stairs, Astoria,
Oregon.
JTR. ALFRED KINNEY,
Office at Kinney's Cannery.
Will only attend patients at his office, and
may be found there at any hour.
TH. FRANK PAGE,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
Opposite Telegraph Office, Astoria, Oregon.
A. KMITII.
DENTIST.
Rooms 1 and 2 Pythian Building over
C. IL Cooper's Store.
PATRONIZE HOME INDUSTRY
There is no occasion for the most fastidi
ous of our citizens to send to Portland or
San Francisco for
Custom Made Clothes
As they can pet Better Fits, Better Work
manship, and for less Money.
By Leaving their Orders with MEANY.
New Goods by Evory Stoamer.
Tall and See Him and Satisfy Yonrtelf.
P. J. Meany. Merchant Tailor.
AUOTIOX
AND COMMISSION HOUSE.
MARTIN OLSEN,
Successor to E. C .Ilolden.
The oldest established Commission House
In Oregon. Goods of all kinds sold ou com
mission. Auction Sales Every Saturday.
General Repairing, Jobbing and Uphol
stering done.
Fine stock of Furniture on hand.
When you want Bargains In Household
Goods go to
MARTIN OMK.N
For Sale Seaside Lots.
CHOICE LOTS IN MHLKEY'S ADDI
tlon to Ocean Grove for sale upon rea
sonable terms. Now Is the time to buy be
fore the boom. Apply NOtAm
Or C. K. Thomson.
EL
EEJEOTED BY BOTH:
Bill Bye Writes an Adjustable Letter
of Acceptance.
Neither Presidential Candidate Is
Able to Make Use of It An
Automatic Platform.
Some time ago I prepared the
following general draught of a let
ter of acceptance to be used by
either presidential candidate as
original and entirely without credit
to me upon payment of a small
sum barely covering the time con
sumed in writing it and at living
wages. I so drew it that in case
it should not be available for the
columns of one candidate-1 could
certainly dispose of it to the other.
I thought, but little did I dream
that it would be returned by both.
Mr. Cleveland wrote to me thai
while the letter was "bright in
spots, breezy, fresh and redolent of
the wild thyme and catnip of a
simple home about thirteen miles
beyond a given point, it was too
general in its scope and embodied
too many word pictures which it
would not pay to frame."
Mr. Harrison said he was en
deavoring to elevate, ennoble and
purify the general tone of letters
of acceptance, and so could hardly
use the one I so kindly enclosed.
He thought a letter of acceptance
should be something that would
make men better. He hoped that
when the surprise attendant upon
the sudden information relative to
his nomination, which, as he might
truly say, came like a clap of thun
der from a clear sky when this
surprise should wear away, he
hoped to erect a brief letter of ac
ceptance which, though cruder and
far more rugged than my own,
would lay hold upon man's better
nature, and unless the seat gave
way, lift him up to a higher and
better life. Ho also begged leave
to remain my humble and obe
dient servant a thing I had no
idea of his doing, as I now have
all the help, both indoors and out
side, that I can use.
Both candidates having decor
ated the margins of this letter with
red and blue corrections, and kept
it several weeks for consideration
before local committees, it at last
comes back to me smelling of
gingerbread, sarsafras, oil of Ber
gamor, sherry and bitters, visiting
statesman and the close, fixed and
vitiated air of a home band.
Mr. Harrison says that he did not
rely solelv on his own judgment
in returning the letter, but called
to his aid the over-ripe opinions of
several well-known political think
ers from a distance, among them a
gentleman from the solid south,
who assured him of the electoral
vote of Mississippi, and who had
arrived at a state of pleasureable
exhilaration from constantly ex
amining the political outlook
through the bottom of a small
glass horoscope.. He had breathed
several burning words in the ear
of Mr. Harrison without taking the
precaution to dilute his breath
with something else, and the gen
eral has been compelled to put a
little bromide of potash in that ear
several times since. The gentle
man got so confidential that when
his cigar went out, which occurred
a great many times during the in
terview, he became so earnest and,
withal, so confused, that he
scratched his matches on Gen.
Harrison's trousers. "I do not
write this because I wish to mur
mur," writes Gen. Harrison, "but
to show to you that I have sub
mitted your charming letter to
others, and especially to the com
mon people."
However, the document has been
returned to me, though as Mr.
Cleveland very truly says, I must
not think he considers it lacking
in merit because it is not used by
him, "for frequently such letters
possess marked worth and show
little pustules of thought and in
tellectual eruptions which, if en
couraged and brought to the sur
face, certainly afford relief. But,
at the same time this, is a letter
which lacks verility and repose.
There are other things which it
lacks, sucb, for instance, as a gen
eral tendency towards the expres
sion of thought." Aside from that
he likes it, and would use it if he
had more space and felt like it.
So I have decided to give it' to
the press to fill up with, knowing
how the great big heart ot tne
nation yearns for a little something,
no matter how meagre, od the
subject of politics, a subject which,
I may truly say, lies nearest to
each heart and everywhere else
also.
Mr. Chairman and Gentlemen
of the Cemmittee: I have just
learned by the merest accident
that I was nominated some ten
weeks ago as a candidate for
the presidency at the regular na
tional convention. Being out of
town at the time, and our local
postmaster refusing to forward
newspapers without the payment
of additional postage, I did not
know about it, though I remember
of telling a man last spring that if
no other man in the party seemed
really fitted to be its standard
bearer, I would run. That was
the end of it so far as I was con
cerned. What he said to me I
have forgotten now. It went in
at one ear, and finding no obstruc-.
tion to speak of, came out the
other. (This sentence has been
erased by both Mr. Harrison and
Mr. Cleveland, and characterized
as flippant.) I do not even re
member the name of this man, but
I remember of saying to him that
if folks generally thought I was
the best man I would run, and so
now what can I do? I cannot
honorably get out of it.
When I made the promise I had
an idea that possibly a better man
would be found somewhere and in
that way I would be enabled to
get out of it. Acting upon that
supposition, I have made other
arrangements, which, of course, I
will now have to cancel. "We had
purchased and put in our coals for
the winter and also agreed to
board the teacher at our house.
I might name other plans we had
made for the future which will
now have to bo entirely changed,
but the above will show you that
in going in to this thing I am
making sacrifices which are not
generally taken into consideration
during the beat and ascerbity of a
political campaign.
If eleoted I would favor a high
er price for the manufacturer and
a lower price for the consumer.
That is my platlorm. Elabora
tion and funny business in a plat
form I know nothing at all about.
I strike right at the root of the
matter and talk trade right on the
start. I also favor the annexation
of Hester street to the United
States. It can be brought about
peaceably, I believe, and would
be highly advantageous both to
the people of that country and our
selves. I am also in favor of more
friendly relations with Chatham
street and the appointment of a
minister to Mott street. I believe
in submitting a tariff question to
a popular vote of this country and
Europe, after which I would re
serve the right to do wbat I thought
best about it.
I hate to feel hampered while I
am president.
I have not yet decided whether
I would favor putting the best
men into office, or whether I would
let them remain where they are,
in the newspaper business.
I favor some more things, but
out of respect for the convention
which nominated me I shall not
embody them in this letter, but
wait till I am elected and then jar
the back teeth of those whose votes
I now desire but whose opinions I
despise.
My latch-string will be out dur
ing the day, and I shall aim to
keep open all night. On Sundays
visiting statesmen will please en
ter at the side of the house, and I
shall ask one and all to refrain
from loud and boisterous language
in the hall as they go away,
even though there should be an
noying complications in identify
ing umbrellas left in the hall-rack
and quids of tobacco left on the
stair rail. Let each take such
umbrella and tobacco as shall be
allotted to him without repining,
and thus elevate and ennoble the
etiquette and tout ensemble of
our national political system a
system of which we are all so
justly proud.
I trust that one and all will feel
free to come and bring their.din
ners until November, for after th4t
I shall, if elected, admit only, reft
spectable people and very few of
those. Prior to election I shall
maintain a general social sink of
iniquity and I hope and trust that
the' various moral festers 'who,
claim that they know me when I
was poor and when my wife did
her own work, and who now claim
that they mademe all I am, will
call early, refrain from tying their
teams to tne oleander and turn
off their breaths on retiring in
stead of trying to blow it out.
The house will be open for vis
itors immediately after prayers
and continue so until breakfast
time on the following day. Guests
and friends are requested to pass
through the folding doors leading
outofthe front parlor, view the
remains and then continue out
through the dining room, kitchen
and barn.
Memento pickets for making
canes may be found in the hay
mow, marked as as follews:
TIKE ONB.
The apples on the large tree
near the well are cooking apples
and not good yet, anyhow.
If elected, I shall favor intem
perance only in case of sickness.
Looking back over our history
as a nation, I am gratified to see
that it is so much so as it is. As
time in its never-ceasing round
goes ever on and on, let us so live
that we may from time to time, as
I must say, add to that history.
One serious objection to a new
country, I think, is the noticeable
paucity of history.
Oh let us, then look out for
that before it is everlastingly too
late. Let us see to it, so that in
the future, when nations yet un
born shall desire to look back over
our history, there will be as much
of it as possible.
My wife joins me in the kindest
regards to your committee and
hopes you will always come and
see us when you are in town.
We are. only a few miles from the
station, and you can easily find
our house if you will follow the
crowd. "Ve think some of hav
ing a pink tea at our house on
Thursday, and wo would both be
rrlai frt caa tho nnfmnal rnvnn
jj'Mi ,j v.o tuv tiuviunai uwuicir
tion and friends here before we
take up the carpets.
Yours truly,
Sign hereUagP
P. S. I accept the nomination
with pleasure.
I am also prepared to furnish at
short notice proclamations, mes
sages, both peaceful and retaliatory,
as well as earnest thought and
pieces to speak while you wait.
My book ot pieces to speak will
appear just before Thanksgiving
and will be a good book.
Bill Wye.
We Tell You Positively
That Simmons Liver Regulator will rid
you of dyspepsia, purify your system,
enable you to sleep well, prevent mala
rial diseases and give you a brisk and
vigorous feeling. It acts directly on
the liver and kidneys, cleansing, purify
ing, invigorating and fortifying the
system against disease. It will break
up chills and fever and prevent their
return yet entirely free from calomel
or quinine.
When a man is deemed reliable
out in Montana they say: "He'll
stand without Kitchinjr."
DYSPEPSIA, BESPAUt, DEATH.
These are the actual steps, which fol
low indigestion. Acker's English Dys
pepsia Tablets will both check and euro
this most fearful of diseases. Guaran
teed by J. W. Conn, Druggist.
A Georgia man has twenty-seven
brothers and sisters living.
-UU- WEIGHT
HURfc
Its superior excellence proven In millions
of homes foe more than a quarter of a cent
ury. It Is used by th& United States Gov
ernment. Endorsed by the heads of the
Great Universities as the Strongest. Purest,
and most Healthful. Dr.1 Price's i Cream
Baking Powder does not contain Am
monia. Lime, or Alum. Sold only in Cans.
PRICE BAKING POWDER CO..
NEW YORK, CHICAGO. STj LOUIS.
jPU R -
D?PMCrr$
CREAM
Baking
tpMDEB
The little judge with the large
head and the big voice has a keen
appreciation of wit. When he
told Nellie Davis, a laundress, who
had been recruiting after a hard
wash, that he had a grudge against
laundresses because they tore the
buttons off his shirt and he had no
wife to sew them on, Nellie's
quick retort, "Then why don't you
get a wife, judge?" saved her a
month on the island. But as she
went off delighted the burly court
othcer was deeply touched, for he
noticed that as the judge buried
his head in a huge law volume his
lip quivered and something very
like a tear glistened on a page of
the book. JStw Xork World.
Children Cry'for Pitcher's Castoria
When Baby was sick, ire cave her Castoria.
(Then she was a Child, she cried for Castoria,
Then she became Miss, she clung to Castoria,
iVhen she had Children, she gave them Cutorii
It is said of Samuel J. Randall
that there is hardly another man
in public life who is so poor. He
owns an interest in some southern
coal lauds, but they are not de
veloped. Tho house he lives in
belongs to Mrs. Randall.
FI.AHI.VG FIBE IN THE VEIN'S.
We hold positive proof that Acker's
English Blood Elixir cures all blood
poisons where cheap sarsaparillas and
so-called Durifiers fail. Knowing this.
we will sell it to all who call at our
store on a positive guarantee.
J. W. Conn, Druggist,
In Denmark girls are trained to
agriculture, but in this country
they take more kindly to hus
bandry.
HOW DOCTOBS CO.YQUEB DEATH.
Doctor Walter-K. Ilammond savs : "Af
ter a long experience I have come to
tho conclusion that two-thirds of all
deaths from coughs, pneumonia and
consumption, might be avoided if Ack
er's English Cough Remedy were only
carefully used in time." This wonder
ful Remedy is sold under a positive
guarantee by J. W. Conn, Druggist.
White lace stockings for brides,
with others under them, are now
fashionable.
POWDER
Absolutely Pure.
This powder never varies, A marvel of
purity, strength and wholesomeness. More
economical than the ordinary kinds, and can
not be sold in competition with the multl-
iuae oi low test, snort weignt, aium or pnos-
hate powders. Sold only in cans. Royal
AKINO FOWDBR CO. 106 Wall-St,. N. Y.
D. W. Crowley & Co., Agents, Portland,
Oregon.
WHAT!
Do You Think
JEFF
Of the Chop House
GivesYou a Meal
And a Glass of Some
thing to Drink.
Win"
FR
ITEM
5 III fflSE oQ 3-
II s'tg ' UtRilflt h
2 0 lmv f on q I
f ass s CTD zr
r ass ''rTinv zr
1
AND
CEILING DECORATIONS!
r000 double roll of Wall Taper and Decorations of the latest styles and shades
just received direot from Eastern factories.
Also a large assortment of
C ArZfL X Z Tr S?
Of all grades in beautiful new designs
New Smyrna Rugs, Portiere Curtains, China Matting, Etc., Etc.
Call and examine. CHAS. HEILBORN.
The New Model Range
CAN BE HAD IN ASTORIA, ONLY OF
El. R. HA WES, .
Agent. Call and Examine It ; You Will be Pleased. E.R. Dawes Is also Agent for the
Buck Patent Cooking Stove,
AND OTHEB FIBST CLASS STOVES.
Furnace Work, Steam Fittings, Etc., a Specialty. A Full Stock on Hand.
HOTELS AND KESTAURANTS
CHRIS. EYENSON.
F. COOK
THE
Central Hotel
EVENSON & COOK.
On the European Plan.
LARQE CLEAN ROOMS,
A FIRST-CLASS RESTA URANT
Board by the Day, Week or Month.
Private Rooms for Families, Etc.
Transient Custom Solicited.
Oysters, Fish, Meats, Etc., Cooked to
Order,
WATKK St., Opp. Foard dt Stokes
A FIRST CLASS SALOON
Run In connectlqn with the Premises. The
Best of
WINES, LIQUORS AND CIGARS.
Good Billiard Tables and Private Card
Rooms.
The Astor House,
J.G.ROSS, - PROPRIETOR.
Newly Repainted. Repaired, Refitted, Re-
iurmsneu anu xuorouguiy iieiiuvuiuu.
A Large, Clean,-
Well-tept House.
RATES:
From a Dollar a Day Upwards.
First-class In all Its appointments, clean,
neat, sunny rooms, well furnished
and well kept.
YOU ARE INVITED TO CALL.
t"Free Coach to and from the House.
PARKER HOUSE.
H. B. PARKER, Frop'r.
First Class In Every Respect.
Thoroughly renovated and repaired through
uub , o joxgo auuuy ruuius.
TWO DININC ROOMS.
Tables supplied with everything the market
affords.
TClArrant Tlnp nnri RHlfowl Pnm.. rinnn.
Wines Liquors and Cigars.
FREE COACH TO THE HOUSE.
WMsWm'M
INSURANCE.
CAPITAL STOCK, $500,000
COLUMBIA
W A! IAHE
INSURANCE CO.
FRANK DEKTJM .President
W. H. SMITH . Vice-President
JOHN A. CHILD .. Secretary
No. 160 Second St, Portland, Or.
I. W. Case, Agent, Astoria, Or.
$67,000,000 Capital
Liverpool & London & Globe. North British
and Mercantile ot London and Edinburgh.
Hartford of Connecticut, Commercial of
California Agricultural, of watertown. New
York, London & Lancashire of Liverpool,
Eng.. Fire Insurance Companies, Represent
in a capital of $67,000,000.
B. VAN UUSEX. Ageut.
Ship and Commission Agency
FIRE INSURANCE
IN JFIK8T CLASS COHPANIKH
Representing 813,000,000
PHOENIX,
Hartford, Conn.
HOME,
New York,
AGENCY PACIFIC EXPRESS CO
C. P. UPSHUR,
Main Street Wharf - Astoria, Oregon.
I. W, Case,
BANKER.
ESTABLISHED - - 1870.
Transacts a General Banking Business.
Drafts drawn available in any part of the
0. S. and Europe, and on Hong Eong, China
Office Houbs :-io a. si. to 3 p, si.
Opp Ferxowa Botldinq, Astoria, Oregon.
Robb & Parker,
AGENCY OK
Fire and Marine Insurance,
With an Aggregate Capital of
$10,000,000.
IMPERIAL, of London.
CALIFORNIA, of California.
CONNECTICUT, of Hartford.
OAKLAND HOME, of Oakland.
LION, of London. """"""
FIREMAN'S FUND, of California.
Agents also for
TRAVELLERS', of Hartford-
, , ... . Life and Accident.
Tickets sold lor tho ALLAN Lino of
Steamships, from Old Country to Astoria.
. tj ROBB & PARKER.
At old office of J. O. Bozotth.