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About The daily morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1883-1899 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 1, 1885)
P) : ' ' t , . i ' ' ' w " ' VOL. XXIV, NO. 130. BUSINESS CARDS. rB9. A. I., and J. A. FULTON. Physicians and Surgeoiis. Will Rive prompt attention to all call. Itom any part of the city or country. j Office over Allen's Store, comer Cass and re, co oria, .Squemoqua streets, Telephone No. 41 memoqua streets, Astoria, Oregon rK. FRAXK PAGK. PkyIf laa and SHrgeoH. Office, Roome, over I). A. Mclutosh s store. OFFICE HOTJES : 0 to 11 A. M. ;-3 to 0 l. M. Besldence, opposite theJobausen building D K. ESTES. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Office Oregon. Gem Iiulldlug, upstairs. Astoria, L E. COOVEBT, JUtaraey at Law oud otary Public COLLECTIONS SOLICITED. Office with 0. It. City Book Store. Thomson, room r. over oeo. a. Donuifl. QEO. NOI.A5W NOI.AXD fc DOBBIN. ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Office in Kinney's Block, ipposlte City Hail, Astoria, Oregon. . W. FULTON. a. c. rui-TOjr. FUtTOK BROTIIEB8. ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Booms B and 6. Odd Fellows Building. f ELO F. PARKER, 8URVEY0R OF Clatsop Cematy ana City of Astoria Office : K. E. corner Cass and Astor streets, Boom No. 8 J Q. A. BsVWIiBY. Attsraey aaa CoHnseller at Law, Office on Chenamus Street, Astoria, Oregon. F. 9. WIXTOK, ATTORNEY AT LAW. Booms No. 11 and i, Pythian OastlB Bulld- Iflt;., TAif TUTTJLiK. 21. D. "PHXBIOIAN AND SURGEON Orxo Booms l, 2. and 8. Pythian Build ng. sasmmnK-On Oedar Street, back of tX Mary's HospltaL . K ."HICKS. A. E. SHAW HICKS & SHAW. DENTISTS. Roohh In Allen's Building, up stairs, cor ner Cass and Squemoqua streets. Astoria Oregon. T . SFEDDE1V, NOTARY PUBLIC, Searcher ef Titles, Abstracter and Csavey&Hcer. Office on Cass Street.3 doors south of As torlaa office, Astoria, Oregou. i j n MKKING AHD INSURANCE! i I. W CASE, Broker, Banker, and Insur ance Agent, ASTORIA, - OBEGDX. OFFICE HOUBS : from 9 o'clock JL. M. until 8 o'clock P. M. AHEAD OF ALL COMPETITORS! Capitol Floui Manufactured by the Full Boiler rfocpSS. by the Stlem (Of.) Capitol Flour Mills Co., LIMITED The only flour that has taken First Prle three years In succession at the POsWXAXD MECHANICS FAIR. Also at State Fair. Oae trial Is sutncleat to convince of its supe riority. Bee tiiat the word CAPITOL Is on each sack - GEORGE SHIED, 8 Stark St.. Portland Agent. WILSON & FISHER. Astoria Agents. HAVE TOU M to Sell? IN THE MATTER OF Rags, Bottles, Old Metal, r Junk of Any Sort, FOD & STOKES . Iffel give you the best price for It. Do' You Want to Buy SHIP MATERIAL, From ft Belayteg'Pbi to a Hawser; from ' Block'tb;i Anchor. Yotti5irGet what You Want at T0ABD& STOKES. JrirtBMtrilrri at building, east end Water Street. ItEDdTAR TRADE Y7 MARK, foMURE SKHIH& a ..t. Obm ,- . . r z jo- i Free from Opsctes, Emetics and Poisoa, vrcT AT IlinjOOIST3 A2TD DSALErS. fHE CHARLES A. VCGELER C0.,BALTIH0REf3;O. c-oic x-rorrietor. TUTT 3 PILL TORPID BOWELS, DISORDERED LIVER, and MALARIA. , From theso sources arise three-fourths oftho diseases of tho human race. These symptoms iudicato tholr existence: XjOss of Appetite, Bowels costive, Kick Headache, fullness after eat ing, aversion to exertion of body or mind, Era ct tlon of food, Irrltabil Ity of temper, rovr spirits, A feeling ofiiavlnfr neglected some duty,I Iz ztuess,EluttcrlngattheIIeart,Iots before the eyes, highly colored Urlne,C03VSTLPATI01V,anademand theuseofaremcdythatactsdlrectlyon the Liver. As aLiver med IcInoTUTT'S P1XX.S hare no equal. Their uctlonon the Kidneys and Skin is also prompt; removing all imparities through theso three scavengers of the jUm," producing appetite, sound digestion, regular stools, a clear skin and a vig orousbody. TUTT'S MlikS cause no nausea 01 griping nor interfere 'Willi daily woik and aro a perfect ANTIDOTE. TO MALARIA. Sold ercry where ss. Otflce 44 AlurniySt.N Y. TUTTS HAIR DYE. GiutHaie onWmsKEHs ohanged ln stantly to a Gtossr Black by a single application of this Dm. Sold by Drug, spsts.or sent by express on receipt of L Office, ilurrav Street, New York. OT78 lUlTOAL 0? tfSETUL 2XCEIPS3 TBXJL HAGAN'S Magnolia Balm is a secret aid to beauty. Many a lady owes her fresh ness to it, who would rather not tell,, and you can't tell. FOR Man and Beast. Mustang Liniment is older than most men, and used more and more every year. INVIGORATOR X"5jasr, what its name, implies ; s Purely Vegetable "Compound, thai acts directly upon. the; ; curing themanydiseasesi othatinii portant organ, and ting the mi merous ailm lts tKxq arise from its deranged or ction, such as Dy ico. Buionsnessj less aria, Sick-headache, &he etc. It is therefore t "Toliare GrOodHealti httTSveTmusthekeiJtin order." DS. SAKTOED'S LTVE& IN7I60SATO& Invigorates the Liver, Regulates tho Bow els, Strengthens the System, Purifies the Blood, Assists Digestion, Prevents Fevers. Is a Household Ifced. An Invaluable Family Medicine for common complaints. D2. lAJfTOBD'S UVEl INVIG0BAT0E. An experience of Forty years, and Thou Kinds of Testimonials prove its Merit. tOR SALE BY ALTj DEALERS nTUEDICTXES For fall information tend yonr address folB t.Boos on me "a.ivi-j: auu. !., SsSatrOBD S PPAXK BT.. KTW TORS Cgg Nicely Furnished Rooms, vs-rrm or wrrnoDT beard: at W Mr3. 8. T. McKean's, Cass street, three doors south of AsroKiAX office. SURE. 2g 57Ura, prompt & -- REK3 OilSAHFORD'S ASTORIA, OREGON, TUESDAY, DECEMBER I, J885. ! THE MARRIAGE FEE. j A FERVENT $25.00 PBAYEB. Ifow Same Irreverent Brldecroora et Oat ef Paylac the Minis ter Bis Fee. " Here in Brooklyn," said the minister, " and in all large cities, the marriage fees form no mean part of a minister's income. We receive all the way from $5 to $100 per mar riage generally, although in many instances we are ' beaten clean out ' of the fee. In the first place, there's the envel0pe dodge. One night a nappy, lovini; couple awoko me m the middle of the night and wanted me to marry them. I arose, dressed myself, and. performed the ceremony. As the parties turned to leave, tho groom hunted through his coat-tail pocket, and when the bride's head was turned he surreptitiously handed me a well-filled envelope. I bowed them out, thinking I had been well paid for my trouble. T hurried to my room and told my wife she could have the new bonnet she had been plaguing me about. I tore open the envelope, and what do you suppose was in it? " "Hundred dollars or so? " "Ten sheets of reporter's 'copv paper.' I think that fellow was a member of the press. "Then there's the marriage-certificate dodce. It's a good one. I've had it played on mo and 1 know of a number of others who have suf fered. Here is my case : An appar ently well-to-do couple came to my house and I married thom. After the consummation of the ceremony the groom said he wanted a hand some certificate with a C03tly frame. '' ' Let it be nice; anything below $23.00 will suit. Call it twenty-five,' said he, stroking his mustache pomp ously. ' When cau I have it?' " I told him if he'd call in in the latter part of the week I'd have a nice one for him. The certificate and lrame cost me SI7.UU. iney were gorgeous. That's the frame up there around my grandmother," said the minister, sighing. "The certificate can be purcfiasea at cost price. "Another case is fresh in my memory, as it is of recent date. After I had married a couple, the groom jingled the contents of his Kockets and then withdrew his closed and. As I bowed him from the front door he got between me and the bride, and shaking my hand warmly, placed a large coin in it as he bade me a hearty good-bye. I have that coin yet. Here it ia." And the dominie produced a leaden sinker that had been beautifully rounded and .sand-papered to make it Tesemble a $20.00 gold piece. " Checks drawn on broken banks or banks that never had any exist ence, or banks where they never heard of the drawer, cahnot be classed under that head. The min isters of our cities could furnish a fine collection of these if they were called upon to do so. The effrontery of these depraved beiug3 always takes the form of bashiulness. Ihev make believe that they are too bashful to offer the money in the presence of the bride. "Whenever I hear a bash ful man jingling in his pockets, I am not certain that his pocket does not contain nails or keys until he pro duces a coin, and I am not certain of the genuineness of the coin until I have tested it with my teeth. An honest, God-fearing man comes out boldly, and in presenting his offering makes a little joke about his bride being worth it, or something of that kind. That makes us all happy, and there is no need of fracturing one's teeth. " However, I was fooled once by a man wno cm tnis verv same tiung. He had neglected to provide a ring and I loaned him one I always have on hand. After the ceremony he re turned it, asking mo what my charge was. I told him we made no charge, but if he felt inclined to remunerate me he could do so. He jocosely re marked that ' he guesBcd his bride was worth $23.00, and if she proved good he'd send me $25.00 on even' anniversary of the wedding He called for pen and ink and filled out a check. Me insisted upon my pray ing for their welfare before they left, and I did so. They had never heard of him at the bank where the check was drawn " " And you was a prayer out? " " One minute ! I really felt like amending that petition, for it was a fervent $25.00 one. I trust the way ward youth was benefited by it. He needed all the prayers he could obtain by false pretenses. Tho ring he handed back to me was not mine. When he felt into his pocket for the check he exchanged it for a five-cent brass one. I havo used it ever since when occasion required." New York "World. Hew Opera Is Enjeye ta Fklladel pkla. . -r. . , Country Visitor " Do y ou always have your tea parties in a hig place like this V" City Host "Tea parties, child?" "Yes. What's the matter with those people over there ? They seem to he suffering." "Suffering?" " Yes. Just hear how they groan and shriek. Why don't they go to & doctor? " "My child, this is not a tea party. This is an opera," Philadelphia Call. Epitaph. "When with characteristic cynicism, Byron derided the credulity of him wno would " believe a woman or an epitaph," he may have had in mind Ben Jonson's famous lines on the Countess of Pembroke : " Underneath thU sable ksarsc Lies the subject of sirrerse, Sydney's tliter Pembroke's mother! Death 'ere thou rmfslifo mother Fair, and learned, an food as she. Time shall throw a dart at thee!" Could the memory.of 8hakespeare demand loftier strains? Compare the above with the quaintness and simplicity of the lines : " Blest be the man who spares these stones. And curst be he who mores my bones ." Inscribed on the tomb of the Bard of Avon! Strict adherence to mere matter of fact has scarcely been considered the specialattribute of an epitaphthough the three following are well authen ticated examples of.unvarnished de tail: "Sarah Yorke this life did reslrn. Sixteen hundred and seventy-nine." Norwich. " Here lies the body of William Wbc, One thousand seren hundred and sixty-eix." Richmond, Yorkshire. " Here lies the body of honest Tom Page, Who died in the thirty-third year ot his age." Norwich Cathedral. And in the same connection may be instanced the inscription on the tomb of the inn-keeper, buried in the churchyard opposite his hostelry : " Here lies Tommy Day, Remored from over the way." Latin was long considered the only appropriate language for an epitaph. It is well known that Dr. Johnson refused "to disgrace the walls of Westminster Abbey " with an En- ?lish inscription to the memory of Hiver Goldsmith. This is the more to be deplored, since the doctor could (and did) write English epitaphs of merit witness that upon Phillips, the musician " Sleep undisturbed witaht this peaceful shrine, Till ang-els wake thee with a note like thine." Brevity, "tho soul of wit," has been little considered in this class of composition, and (M0, Bare Ben Jonson" excepted) there occur to the writer but three as. remarkable in this particular that upon Dr. Ful ler "Fuller'j Birth." Upon Burbage, the actor, a simple stage directien: fC " ErUBajfcefce'." And thenhappycommnation of eulo" gium and farewell to the memory of Knight, the publisher "Good Knight!" Successive generationshave pressed into this service such time-honored effusions as "Afflictions sore long time I bore," etc. And the really beautiful lines by Dr. Donne upon a deceased infant " Ere sin could blight, or sorrow fade. Death came with friendly care; The opening bud to Heaven coereyed And bade it blossom there." Have appeared upon hundreds of tombs. The touching subject of in fant mortality finds also fitting ex pression in the two follewing: "Just with her lips the cup ot life she pressed. Found the taste bitter and declined the rest." " This babe entombed on the world did peep, lUliked it cioied its eyes and fell asleep." To form, while yet living, the sub ject of an epitaph, is one of the pen alties of greatness. Some kings, and many prominent politicians, have bad this experience. Rochester's epitaph upon the merry monarch " who never said a foolish thing, and never did a wise one," is too well known for repetition; while students of English literature are all familiar with Goldsmith's lines in memory of the still living Burke, Garrick, "and Reynolds in "The Retaliation." I An ex-Chancelor of the Exchequer, Robert .Lowe ( Yiscount Snerbrooke), had appropriated to him one of ex emplary venom and profanitv, actu ally wntten in memory of an obscure Robert Lowe of by-gone days. The statesman himself is said to have discovered it and rendered it into Latin hexameter. A good example of this kind of ante-mortem literature IB the epitaph written during the lifetime of Benjamin D'Israeli need it b said by a " Liberal " pen: "There lies Lord Beaconsfield (It was a way he had.) Presence of mind has always been held in just estimation, though it has been shrewdly remarked that in moments of peril, absence of body is even more desirable. It is certainly absence of body which forms the chief characteristic of the three follewing: " Here lie the remaima ot Thomas NIcoU Who died In Philadelphia, 1755. Had he Llred he would hare been buried here." KIr-KieL " Here lies the body of Jonathan Ground Who was lost at sea and never found." Ulster. " Here lies the body ot John Qdred At least he will be here when he'd dead, But at this time he is alive, Fourteenth of August, sixty-five." Oxford. Detroit Free Press. Tired and Lan&ald Woaea How many women there are of whom these words are true: "They feel languitt ana nrea, naroiy aoie 10 loear their weight on their feet, the feel languid and tired, bardly able to bloom all gone from their cheeks, ir- ratable and cross witnout meaning to be, nerves all upset, worried with the children, fretted over little things, a burden to themselves, and yet with ro acute disease." What a pity it is. Bnt a few bottles of Parker's Tonic will drive all this away, and relieve the troubles peculiar to their sex. Shlloh's Catarrh Kemedy a posi tive cure for Catarrh, Diptheria and Canker Mouth. Sold by W. JB. Dement, Tke PaaalOH Poet as a Xeveliat. Mrs. Ella "Wheeler "Wilcox is en gaged upon a novel, and one who has read as much of the work as is now done tells us that the book will j bo a new departure in literature. The story, as we are told, will be re markable for the originality and boldness of its thought "many will be shocked at some of the subjects discussed." From this we infer that the promised book will bo quite as peppery as some of the work Mrs. Wilcox has already given to the pub lic ; in fact, the boast is made by those who profess to know that it will create as much of a stir as did the "Poems of Passion." Chicago News. "Your father is entirely bald, isn't he?" "Ye?, I'm the only heir he has left." Southern A 11 tiit. to i'.r .IXalar:. j It is senerally known that Shunu n ! Liver Kegulator, purely vegetable, is ro lioci upon to secure immunity from all malarial disorders. Th.it this medicine does this is proven by V popularity, and any one who has lived in the South lias seen its curative effects and the pro'ec tion it gives against the return of Hi s weakening and dangerous ralady. It aots more promptly than calomel or qui nine, without any of the injurious con sequences following their use. Henry Karat went to sleep on a doorstep in New York, and w:id rob bed of his "tnrnip." Henry says the policeman was not on his "beet." TBostonJJulletin. Oriental Opinion. Professor Kanny Loll Dcy, the fam ous medical expert of India, on whom the Empress conferred the order of ''Companion of the Indian Empire," besides elevating him to the rank of Bai Bahadoor, publishes an official opinion that the now discovery, Bed Star Cough Cures is free from opiates or poisons, aud that it marks a new departure in medicine, and that he prescribes it with wonderful effect. It only costs twenty-fivo cents. MARKETS. WYATT & THOMPSON. DEALERS IK FRESH AND CURED MEATS, CHOICE GROCERIES, PROVISIONS, Crockery and Glassware. HftriiT jF"oci. Etc, STAR MARKET. STEERRY & OOmPAWY, Fresh and Cured Meats, Vogetatoles, FRUITS, BUTTER, and EGGS. OJTOSITE OCCIDENT ROTEU CHEXAttUS Street. Asterla, Oe- Washington Market. Jlain street, - Astoria, Oteaon. ' BESKSMASr & CO.-PltOrJUF.TOKS RESPECTFULLY CALL THE ATTEN tlon of tho public to the fact that the above Market w 111 always be supplied w 1th a FULL VARIETY AND BEST QUALITY F3ESM AND CURED MEATS I I "SYhidi will be sold at lowcit rates, whole sale and retail . , , -Special attention given to supplying dlups. m B. B. Franklin, Merlaier aoi CaMnet later, SQUEMOQUA STREET, NEXT TO THE ASTOBIAN BUILDmO. STA11 work done In a skillful manner on short notice at reasonable rates. WILL Faster AND EASIER Than any oth er axe made. Hundreds of woodmen tes tify to Its supe riority. It goes Deep and Xerer Sticks. CAENAHAN 4 CO., AfeaU Astoria. Price, 81.50. lll.ggEEMlJMMniBi 3B3KsriS3Ha3GB3r!Sla3BRitn? purity 4 cut J FAramDA9S30J8.- 1 J.C.Trullinger BARBOUR'S: mm Irish P ax HAVE NO EQUAL ! GRAND PRIZE THEY HAVE BEEX AWARDED HIGHER PRIZES AT TIIE VAK10US International Expositions TIIAN TIIE GOODS OF ANY OTHER THREAD MANUFACTURERS IN 1HE Qualify can Always ii Em HilCHit Fisnermen HENRY DOYLE & CO., 5 1 7 and 5 1 9 Market Street, ACEXTS lPOll Seine Twines, Rope and The Telephone Saloon. The Finest Establishment of the Kind in Astoria. Especially fitted up for the Comfort and Convenience ot those who enjoy a Social Clii'S. The Best or Wines and Liquors, The Choicest Cigars. Everything New and First-Class. R. JL. JEFFREY. Pi op'r. Magnus C. Crosby Dealer l HARD! ABE, IRON, STEEL, Iron Pipe and Fittings, STOVES, TINWARE ASD HOUSE FURNISHING GOODS SHEET LEAD STRIP LEAD SHEET IRON, Tlxx AND Copper. FOE JMM hmjjj qui 1 im ipoBai 11 1 g: " TfilmMa Transportation Cupy. Through Freight on Fast Time! THE NEW STEAMER -TELEPHONE Which has been specially budt for the comfort of passengers will leave Wilson & Fisher's Dock every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6 A.M. arriving at Portland at 1 P.M. Returnlnc leaves Fortland every Tuesday and Thursday at 6 A. M. arriving at Astoria at 1 P. M. WAn additional trip will be made on at 9 O'elecK Hhh day Meralngr, I for Sound poflts. PRICE. MVE CENTS. Threads PARIS 1878. WORLD. Depended on ! 1 PACIFIC COAST. SAN FRANCISCO, fretting Constantly on Hand. The Gem Saloon. The Popular Resort for Astorians. For the Finest of Wines and Liquors Co to THE GEM SALOON. ALEX. CAMPBELL, I'ROPEIETOIt J. D. liKAI Wholesale and retail dealer In GROCERIES, FLOUR, AND FEED Hay, Oats, Straw, Vood, Etc. LIME, SAND AND CEMENT. General Storage and "Wha fese on reason able tonus. Foot of IJenton street, A9toria. Oregon. WM. EDGAR, Doaler hi Cigars, Tobacco and Cigarettes ileerschaum and Brier Pipes, GEHUifIS ENGLISH CUTLERY Revolvers and Cartridges. CONNER MAIN AND CHENAMU3 STd. Use to PORTLAND ! Sunday ofEach ecu, leaving roruana Passengers bj this route connect at Kalaroa UrJJ.auni, rresiuem.