f
taatusrgacscCDS
ill iim n II II ! II I II1 ""
tF&c gteiotm
WrOJHA.OKEUt;
MWaAY
.MAY 21. 153
iSSUBD 5VSBY MORNING.
(MtttMUy excepted)
J. r. A1AQRAX & COMPANY,
i"CKijjiits axi ritonuirrons,
:erSpWt.crili!ion.
-TVd bv Cwriw, ?wr wek
-iirt tor It I. per KMmlh
ii j ear .... ..
.-cT.fitt
-
.""AdtwU-oments in"rt4l lv !! wand
' ' rate ? s net qi.irc jr mmsMi. Tn-u-at
4vcrtittig Jdiv wtns jwr itiare, w't
Rntlci T .ltvarlisft .
i hk ATYt: x guArantee to it- ad-u-rtlscrs
the itaW cu-ulli:i of .
:i'tt-ctr jHiUtivlwsl ntt tlx (".luwihi::
: vw.
This j .-r is uu fik ai tin .St. Charles
H.tiel, Portland, Or.
Tb Atpiti cams in vest rdity.
Win. Boek nnd Capt. G. lteed returned
from isRloai yesterday.
Tk Ctarv 1 trhrr ami tf jjo lo Skip
anou thii morning ami return this evan-
The IWtiatKi Xttrs, ho a ilex nnd
1 asiy liedin, symbolizing .some of Ore
gon s p-inriial industri.
Ths British hark Zvmvru, US), (V.u
l.inis Mtatr, 100 tias from Buonos
Ures. arrived iu yeUeruiy in balim.
i'rof. A.L.Fnuicis, the wt-H-kuov.-n pian
it, is in tho city and enn he found at the
Occident Iy those wishing his services.
Iter. "Win. 1J. Gross, the new Human
C ttbolic archbishop of Orejjjn, Arrived
m Portland yesterday. He is from Hil
tiniore and ia iu his 4HtU ycur.
The graduates of ltf of the sl-at ag
ricultural coileo ar J. 13. Vhitnc,
Vlonxo Alion. A. S. Jtachanau. Frod -I.
utesand Miss Ilecrie Harris.
The lxte diaturbaues farniaited consid
erable jjrs-rt for ths grand jarv aftT all.
V term of circuit oonrt has ;ot to cot
v many thotmnd dollars anyhow.
At the do? of the entertainment this
morning Mr. P. L. Cherrv invited all -who
desired to iMwi nt his office at Si?,). noxt
Monday evening to form a liriiish Inuev
olei.t sosirty.
The nchootier HrUr Minor caine in
vestorday from Kin Francisco vrith
treight for Astoria shipprr by th Sin
rrancifteoand Astorir. locket im9. Asto
rianseetting freight y that lm pay
only $l.i"0 a ton ad no primage.
From Mr. J. F. "Warren, who has not
-et Httinhed taking thd census of tho
comity, it in learned that there arc -1,200
People in Astoria, not including Chinese.
This is behiw the usually supposed num
ber. In some places in tho county tho
number will ran over the general suppos
ition. For instance one would not sup
pose there were 112 voters at Clifton.
Yoaterday, Clatsop counis first loco
motive was run upon Clatsop county's
first railroad. The ' Tillamook' made
several trips from the wharf to tho round
house, everything working smoothly and
satisfactorily. Major Eastwick ni the
throttle, Mrl Peel oficialin ::s conduct
or. Now, all yc of Clatsop who have
vearned for r. railroad and a locomotive,
lift op your voices in j."y.
For the future, and commencing this
evening, the services of song in the Pres
byterian church will be conducted by the
usual choir, assisted by Mr. and Mrs.
Wyatt. so well known and so justly es
teemed in the musical circles of Portland,
and Miss Ivatie Flavel, whose brilliant
renditions in San Fraucisco and other
cities have elicited such unqualified en
comiums from all who have heard her.
John Parker, an old citizen of Pacific
county, dropped dead last Tuesday, at his
boarding place, with Andrew Wirt. Ho
was seen to gasp at the tnblo and
left tho room snddenlv with
out finishing his dinner. Mrs. "tYiri. sup
posing that he was choking, followed
him. just in time to catch him as hu was
falling. lie expired almost instantly
without a struggle. Mr. Parker was a
native of England, and nearly 8tJ years
of age, but had boan a citizen of tho
Unitod States for Jiearly sixty years tho
last twontv-two years residing in Pacific
county. Capt. Tlios. Parker, of tho Gen.
Miles, was his son.
ORaottt i'ltt.VKHK ASSOTUTIDS.
About five hundred of the following
circulars have been sent onl from (he
secretary of state oifice. who is also
secretary of tho Pioneer association.
They were addressed to members and the
circular below is self explanatery:
"I have the honor to inform you that
at n uieoline of the board of directors of
tho Oregon Pioneer association, held in
this city February 18, 1SS5, the following
resolution was adopted, viz. : 'Jiesolccd,
That all inenibersof this association who
shall pav their annual dues for the yonr
ending -Tune 15, 18S5, shail be consid
ered in good standing, and entitled
to all privileges of membership.'
Your dees to Juue 15. 1S5. will
therofore ba $1.00, which it is hoped
you may find it convenient to forward at
once, when n copy of the proceedings of
tho association for 1SS5 will bo mailed to
your address, Monday, Juno 15, 1835.
And I have the honor to further inform
von that arrangements have been made to
hold the next annual reunion on the old
camping ground at Oregon City, com
mencing Mondav Juno 15, 1885.
Hon. George H. Williams, of Portland,
has consented to deliver the annual ad
dross, and Hon. E. L. East ham. of Oregon
City, tlie occasional address. Other
prominent and well known pioneers will
bo present and deliver addresses appro
priate to the occasion. Itev. George H.
Atkinson of Portland, will officiate as
chaplain,&ud Col. W. L. White of Oregon
City, as grand marshal. Tho local com
mittee of arrangements, consisting of
Hon. John M. Bacon, Hon. W. Carey
Johnson and Hon. E. L. Eastham, are
making active preparations for a good
time and a full attendance of the mem
bers of the Association, together with
their families and frionds, is urgently re
quested." The average female heart is left in a
perfect flutter by our latest arrivals of
novelties in Dress good'. Parasols, etc.
Prael Bros.
Our sale, of Ball's Corsets is unprece
dented. Praei.. Bros.
Order your Firemen's Shirts
Prael Bros.
from
Girl Wanted.
To do general house work.
at Empire Store.
Apply
Gray sells Snckett Bros." A 1 sawed
cedar shingles A full M guaranteed.
A Nasal Injector free with each
bottle of Shiloh's Catarrh Kemedy
Price 50 cents. Sold by W.E. Dement
OCEEN TICS BIBTIIDAT.
How It Vn Celebrated la Astoria.
sixty-six 3-ears ago to day the present
queon of England nnd empress of India
was born, and as the anniversaries of her
natal day roll round, they are universal
ly celebrated by those who are or have
been English subjocts. In accordance
with tho honored custom, several Pritish
residents of Astoria concluded to cele
brate the queen's sixty-sixth birthday
03- a bcnquef , and though a very short
notic?, the affair which came off at tho
Occident hotel last evening was in even'
sense r. sacce.
At half-past eight the dining room of
the Occident whs draped with tho flag?
of England and the United Stares und
bright with flowers, the brilliant lights
sLuii.i&r on a banquet board in the form
of r. htr shos. At the hour named
tho- who had gotten up the entertain-lai-sii.
together with many invited guests,
sat uwn to a Bumptuous'repast and with
the accompaniments of songs and toasts
and merry music, passed a most -joyful
evening, the remembranoe of which will,
to those present, be a pleasant scene to
hang on tho walls of memory's pictnra
gallerv. Among those present were Vice
Consul P. L. Cherry, Capt. II. M. Greg
ory, Capta. McKenzie, Knight, Griffin
and Snndam. Jno. Hobson, V. G. Ros,
C.J.Trenchard, J. W. Hume, Major Rogers,
Dr. Gardnor, Major Chamberlain, C. V. , in.n for the calls of nature, so that tho
Fnlton, Itev. Dr. Gardner, E. C. Holdtn, floors may ba kept freo from offensive
Major Aikin, . D. Wass. J. G. Hustler, : ixlors.
Thos. Eyrie, W. G. Jtichardsou, Jas. It. 'i'he county jail has been presented be
WnUon, Jas. Swtt, Y T. Chutter. Geo. i foro this court by many nreceeding grand
emitter, Stewart smitii, uavia d:u:i, ; juries as defective in its sanitary
las. D.-ilgotty, Alsey Fox.. Vm. ? ments. On entering tho fro;
Edgar, Wm. Barker. J. T. ltos, j dranorhtof air from the rear of
Alex. Camnbfll. A. L. Francis. D,
A. Mcintosh, Al. Bettg.br. II. Georg
Alex. Cameron, Ge j. McLean, J. IL Man
sell, Fred Logan, ('. P. Upshur. ('. 11. ;
uooper, Or. u. Ufcorge, ireim nru. it. j time the jail was built are clogged np,
G. Smith. J. F. Hallonin, E. "rt. Wmgate , ftnd that there has accumulated n largo
Finley Mclntodi, Jas. Lidwell. Hugh nmoant of slops and filth having no out
Murray, J. E. Higgins, T. A. Mel'ride J lfif. tho PThalntions from which are not
and others. At tho head of the t ib'o sat only very offensive but poisonous to tho
Mr. P. Ji. Cherry, and ranged around the j human system, and consequently calcu
tnblo were tho members of the kssociii- ; j;,te.l to produce serious siclaiess in tho
turn nnd tho invited guests. The menu jail and its vicinit3". Tho grand jury
was an elaborate one and was dmi full , Ktmngly recommend that immodiato
justice toby tho gnosis. afcs be taken to remedv this evil. We
The first toast was "The Pre-idbnl of 'have great p!eisure in stating that au
(no United States," followed by :t ftong, ; official examination of tin books, nc
"Tho Star Spangled Banner," with fine ; counts and records of tho county clerk,
accompaniment by Prof. A. L. Francis, county treasurer and sheriff, proves that
2oxt in order came ''Tho Queen," fol- j thev are in tho hands of careful and corn
lowed by tho English nationil nuthem t potent officers, anxious that tho affairs
'God save tho Queen." Tna next toa-r nf thrt Rnuntr shall bn conducted honor-
was "The Army and Nary." after which '
Ilail Columbia" was sung, and Capt. H. ,
Ji. vrregorv roe auu respunutHi in niiisi .
terms 10 mo iksi inur.'uuiu fr.-ji.
A cleverly executed m?Jiey bv Msrs.
D.A.Mcintosh. W. H. Birker. O. H.
George, and H. G. Smith prsoeded tha
fourth toast "The commercinl interests
of tho two conntrir-." after which the j
fine baritone of W. H. Barker was hoard
in "Tho Midahipnute. The toast was ,
responded to by Vr". J. Burns. "Our:
stal
a
McInto!
n..Jl'fJ. k" i i'u,'-n- ri;
-- rl-v A1 iv .",. " is ' i.T'i r V. ..i '
Ill, 4lLl'l .1. VI. A.biUUUlll?VUI& JJtill A.l.UiiA
the company with an inimitable render- j
ing of "Major Gilfeather." "The Press," .
preceded a song, "Sailing." bv W. T,
Uhuttcr, tho toast uoing responded to bv
J. F.Halloran. "Onr Great Northwe3t"
was then toasted and responded to by C.
W.Fulton after J.T. Ttosshadfavored'the
company with "Within a mile of Edin
boro" town." Next on the list of toasts was
"The) Ladies." replied to by V G. Bich
ardaon in a few graceful remarks preced
ed by "Sweet Maiden of the Dee, sung
by H. G. Smith. The toast " The '.Bench
and tho Bar" was responded to by Judge
F. J. Taylor and T. A. McBridc. Last on
tho list" of toasts came the health of
Megler &. Wright and with a farewell
song tho compauv dispersed.
Tho Intone nf ?ip hnnr it Unio I
o'clock when tho dinner was over, pre-
vents extended notico of tho speeches J
wnicu wero excellent, or oi me songs
which wero most enjoyable. For the
groat success of tho entertainment which
was got up only at a few hours' notice, a
vote of thanks is duo the committee of
arrangements, Messrs. Cherry, Eyrie,
Watson, Chntter, and llichardion.
CIRCUIT COURT rilOCEEDIX(K.
Taylcii, J.
May 23, 188j.
State vs Ed. Williams, Christian Yie
jen, Louis Anderson, Ohas. Lind, Cha3.
Westerlund, Louis Peterson and Chas.
Yicklund; plead not guilty; 27th set for
trial.
State vs Peter 3Ioore; plead not guilty.
State vs Pascuella Commetta; plead
not guilty; 27th set for trial.
Grand jury presented their report; re
port was readand filed; jury discharged.
Slate vs Ah Ilirn burglary; guilty ps
charged.
Sophia Daggett vs Surprenautt Fergu
sonnonsuited. Court adjourned until to-morrow morn
ing at 9 o'clock.
To Acroi;iuio(Sut' XIIm Iatrous.
Alex. Gilbert will keep his saloon
open day and nighr. Fishermen can get
a good lunch at any hour of the night.
The genuine French sardine constantly
on hand.
Partridge, photographer, leaves town
Monday. Photographs at reduced
price'. 8 card tin-types for a dollar.
Near Case's Bank.
When others fail try Crow, the lead
ing Photographer, Xo. G "Water street.
A I Franlc Fnbre'nf.
Board for S22.50 a month. The best
in the city. Dinner from 5 to 7.
B:iuie photos at Partridge's for three
days only.
Those, wishing good photographs will
do well to call immediately near Case's
Bank.
Photographs at Partridge's for three
days only. Price reduced. Finished
iu I 'oi t land.
what:
Zo You TliinXx that .Tcfl" oi
The Chop House
Gives you a meal for nothing, and a
glass "of something to drink V "Not
much i imi he gives a better meal and
more of it than anyplace in town for
25 cents, lie buy by the wholesale And
pays cash. "That settles iL"
lint Lunch, at tho Telephone
Saloon
From 11 lo 2 every day.
A fine lunch with drink or cigar, 25
cents.
No charge after two o'clock,
.Ji:rF.
Private card rooms at JelFs new sa
loon "The Telephone.'
Sheet .liusle.
Former price 35 and 40 cents, latest
out. comic, aentimental, etc, at 10 cents.
Griffix & Reed's
City Book Store.
rs nn4 ntlitmniliti ic fITnni( i
song. "SsotchLissio Jean." bv D. A. """"S.;"1,"?, .lUx3 - ' "" lu" JUH
i-wuuu Jiiuu.ii;aiu, v.,13 iuiiu.vcu i r..:BL.1 ..! !.- L !.. I...1,-,
-li -MirT rnnlin.1 tn liv Morn- coiupuuisuiuu wie wnu jury on ine.r
rb.?lJSpl l?.n2 rS; ofllciencv and facility in tnmsaclicg bns-
GBASD JUCY REPORT.
The
rsnal Kick Alonttho
Is It.l"
County "What
Tho grand jury camo into court at two
o'clock yesterday afternoon, and sub
mitted tho following report to Judge
Tayler:
In tho Circuit Court of the State of Ore
gon for tho County of Clatsop.
To Ute IIo.i., the Circuit Court above
narr.tl.
"We, the grand jurv, beg leave respect
fully to report that we have investigated
all the case3 brought before us by the
district attornev and have passed upon
the same according to tho best of our
ability and judgment, without tear, iavor
or partiality. "We have also, as was our
duty, visited the hospital having care of
county patients, the city nnd county jail,
and the offices of tho sheriff, county clerk
and county treasurer. The St. ilary's
hospital, in which tho county sick are
cared for, we find to be kept scrupulously
clean in every department, and, from onr
own personal observation nnd informa
tion obtained from tho patients them
selves, wo have great pleasuro in report
ing that much credit is duo to the good
sisters in charge and also to tho attend
ing physicians for tho kindness and care
ful attention bestowed upon tho sick.
Tho city jail, wo believe, is as well kept
as tho limited space it occupies will allow,
but would recommend that proper con
veniences bo placed in each nnd every
arrange-
front door a
draught
tho prison
met tho Grand jurv. proving most nnrais-
takeablv that there is need of better
drainige and sewerage. "We are of opin-
ion that tho sowers constructed nt tho
ni,ir :.nd ;,, ,. bnsiness lik-o mannor.
Having completed our labors, we re-
Hpctfullv ask to bo discharged
E. f '. Hor.pnK, Foremau.
It. N. CAUSAnAK.
D. F. Staftobd.
J. D. Hiogiks.
It. Y. Lo:;o.
J is. Bcowx.
S. A. G2AQC.
Astoria, Or., Muv 23rd, 1835.
After County Clerk Trenchard had
iness. nnd exemad them from farther
attendance at this term of court.
CR0vS THE RORDEU.
Victoria, May 'i. Much excitement
has been caused on the mainland by an
order from Ottawa raising tho price of
railway lands to $2.50 an acre, and in
creacing stnmpage and other dcties on
timber to an extent that will destroy the
lumber trade of tho province. At n pub
lic meeting held at New Westminster,
denunciatory resolutions wero passed.
One of the spsakers said: " It would bo
better to live under tho czar of Bnesin
j than under tho rulo of Ottawa. They
j know nothing nt all of the wants and
wishes Of the people Of the proVUlCC.
When we were under tho old Mag. and
working in the mme3 of Cariboo, we got
oar goods earned to that remote district
for one-half what it costs to get tho
same quantity by railroad from Port
Moody to Lylton. Is not that a nice ex
ample of tho justice given us by Canadi
an politicians? Onderdonk is n king,
and with his money ho rules nt Ottawa.
The thing he calls a railroad is only it
tramway, and a bad ono nt that. Tho
whole conduct of the government is evi
dence of incapacity, and by G d wo will
stand it no longer! I recommend that
wo proceed at onco to business, and de
clare here to-night that we shall sever
our connection with tho Dominion gov
ernment, and go back to tho old flag."
About 2,000 workingmen, bonded by a
band, bearing torches and transparence-.,
marched through the streets last night
to tho electric light tower, beneath which
thoy organized a meeting nnd passed res
olutions oandemnatory of Chinese immi
gration, and issued an appeal to the
workingmen of Canada, imploring their
aid to put down tho evil. The transpar
anciesSbore these mottees: "Boycott the
Cnineso mployers," "They nro not with
us but against us," "No yellow Maves
shall eat our children's bread," "Cut out
tho Chinese cancer.' "Down with the
j dragon flag," "Let British (Jolumbia b?
a homo for men only, "Let no Chuiesa
leper cross our threshold.' These were
relieved by pictures, one representing a
! Chinaman iu the act of stabbing a white
man in the back, in allusion to the at
tack on Captain Mordc-n. At the close
of tho meeting a proposition to march
through Chinatown was not entertained,
and the crowd walked through the streets
in an orderly manuer and dispersed nt
10 o'clock.
Don't pay 25 to 50 cents for dinner
when you can get a better one at the
Telcphono fo 15 cents from 11 to 2.
If you want a first-elass picture go to
Crow's gallery and you will be sure to
be suited for his work recommends
itself.
For a "Vent Filling: Boot
Jr bhoe. go to P. .1. Goodmans, on Che-
uanius street, next door to I. W. Cas-e.
All goods of the best make and guaran
teed quality. A full stock; new goods
constantly arriving. Custom work.
Frenh TKaxtern and Shual wafer
May Oywlers
Constantly on hand, cooked to any style
at Frank Fabre's.
Shiloh's Cure will immediately
relieve Croup, Whooping Cough, anil
Bronchitis. Sold by v. E. Dement & Co
The Itev. Geo. II. Thayer, of Bour
bon, IiuIm says: "Both my&elf and wife
owe our lives tobmi.oirs (joxsumptiov
Chrk." Sold by W. E. Dement.
One of the finest billiard tables on the
coast at Jeff's "Telephone."
Foi Dyspepsia andLiver Complaint,
you have a printed guarantee Tm every
bottle of Shiloh's Vitalizcr. it never
fails to cure. Sold by W. E. Dement.
Croup, Whooping Cougii and Bron
chitis immediately relieved by Shiloh's
Cure. Sold by W. E. Dement.
For Dinner Parties to order, at
notice, go to Frank Fabre's.
short
KA CTS AXD VXSCIES.
The Rectal Decline of American Humor.
To tho casual observer it might appear
that American humor was in as flourish
ing condition as ever; that, notwithstand
ing the heavy drafl3 which it has sus
tained during the last decade, tho supply
was abundant, not to 6ay inexhaustible.
But, such, alas! is not tho fact, as can
bo conclusively shown by tho presenta
tion of statistics carefully prepared, at
considerable expense, and which will be
given in detail farther on.
The most serious evidence of the de
cline in our national humor is shown fn
tho paucity of fresh subjects; thero hav
ing been in the first fonr months of 1835
but eleven new subjects used in tho con
struction of newspaporial wit against
forty-seven in the corresponding four
months of last year; and while several
topics which were ence under constant
treatment have sank into desnetudo and
are now no more heard than if they had
never been, it is also true that scores of
other favorite marks for the shafts of
the funny men have shown n gradual
falling off in paragraphic favor.
Tho stovepipe joko is a notable in
stance of the former class just alluded to,
the class which has utterly disappeared.
This mirth-excitant which in tho year
1875 reached tho marvelous proportions
of 2,764 paragraphs per month, 33,108
during the entire year, had fallen off in
18S4 to 95 per month, or 330 during the
first fonr months of the year, while for
tho corresponding period of 1SS5 but sev
enteen cases have been recorded, an av
erage of only -IK per month.
A similar, though not so excessive fall-ing-off
is shown by many other old stand
bys; notably, tho mother-in-law, tho
cako of soap on the stairs, tho oldest Ma
son, nnd so forth. But wo havo the fig
ures handy. Let ns consult them.
During the-first thirdof iSSi the mother-in-law
formed tho subject of 4937 par
agraphs or articles, whereas the corre
sponding term of tho p'resent year can
boast of but 215, and 211 of these are es
sentially repetition?. Goat and the circus
poster 1831, 33G1; 1835, 21. Oldest Mason,
1SS1, S41; 1885, 03. And hero nro several
more, tho first figuro indicating the num
ber of times a joko was utilized from
January to April, both inclusivo, in 1SS1.
and the second figuro referring to the
number of appearances during tho first
fonr months or tho present year:
Bov. 4231, 4209; ovster, 1774, 797: dudo,
Gi9,':U; hair ia tho butter, 1423, G(which.
by tho way, is six times too many); big
hat at tho theater, 1232, 43; game of
poker, 1312, 135; whiskey drinking, 4331,
;15G0; boarding-house hash, 3112, 131;
strong butler, 2uu, ill (oleomargarine
not included j; cako of soap on stairs;
4S1, 21; banana skin, 81G, 27; editor nnd
poet, 32ij, 200.J; green apple, 4,1( not msca-
sou); ico cream, 1748, 1224 (rather early
for this also); iceman, 4'Jbl, JkUj; plumber
9371, 5432; picnic, 401, 30 (rush usually
comes later;: ucnt nu, toil., --to; um
brella, 7841, 2432; watermelon, (oat oe
season), 113, 125.
In almost every instanco it wilt bo seen
that there ha3 been a great disparity in
the pres.nt -ear's figures compared with
thosuot tasyear preceding. Tho won-dfc-fal
divergence which is shown in the
figures relating to the dude is to bo ex
plained by t je fact that Lo was a noo'ty
in tho paragraphic field last yeai; but,
thank heavtm, he is a short-lived crea
ture, as onr statistics show, aim haply
after another year he shall bo heard of
no more forever.
Jokes on love-ranking, matrimony,
millinery, twins, divorco and kindred ac
cidents "inseparable from one's oarthly
pilgrimage hold their time-honored
places. They always havo been and al
ways will be, world" without end; there
fore it has not been thought worth while
to collect data regarding them. And for
other but equally cogent reasons, no no
tice has been taken of alleged witticisms
oi death'; by drowning or other adventi-
lous means, neither has any account
been made of paronomasia. Panning is
not joki:g, and a new pun is well nigh
an imnossibilitv.
From onr statistics, then, it will be
seen that there has been a marked decline
in almost every department of American
humor; and we have by no means ex
hausted tho evidence wh'ich wa havo at
hand. Wo have only given a few sam
ples of a very large invoice, which we
might draw upon almost withont limit.
But in this general decline it is pleas
ant lo know that thero is one subject nt
least which has como forward to partially
make up for what has been lost. Need
we sav wo refer to tho roller skate? Dur
ing tho first fonr months of 1831 the rol
ler skato was tho foundation of bat three
ParaGraphs: during tho corresiionding
period of 1885 it has furnished tho raison
d'etre of 17.SG4 witticisms of different
lengths and of various quality. t There
fore, providing thero shall bo no increase
iu the monthly returns (and the probab
ilities all point in an opposito direction)
there will bo during tho entire year, 214.-
3GS mirthful allusions to the skating rink
set before the readers of American nows-
papers.
Finally, then, whilo deploring the de
cline of American humor in general, lot
us thank heaven and lake courage, in
view of tho marvellous possibilities pre
sented by tho roller skatos. and let ns all
pray thai this last bulwark of our nation'3
wit may foiovtr withstand the wear and
tear of timo and tho strain of constant
and continual use.
Two Dangerous Season.
Spring and fall arc times wIkmi ao
many people get sick. The changes in
tho "weather nre severe on feeble
jieraons. and even those naturally strong
ate apt, as they say, "to be feeling
miserable."" Then they are just iu
condition to be struck down with some
kind of lever. A bottle, or two of
ParkerV. Tonic will invigorate the
digestion, p it the liver, kidneys and
bio hI in perfect order, and prevent
more serious attacks. Why sufter. and
iwrhaps die, when so simple a medi
cine will wive you? Good for both exes
ami ail age.s.
-Ar.'von made miserable bv Indi
gestion, Constipation, Dizziness, Loss of
appetite
icllowSKin? Shiions vuai-
izer is a positive cure.
E. Dement.
For sale by W.
All the patent medicines advertised
in this paper, together with the choicest
perfumery, and'toi let articles, etc can
he bought at the lowest prices, at-.J. V.
Conn's drug store, opposite Oe-;dert
hctel, Astoria.
Buy year Lime of Cray at Portland
prices."
Syrnp of I?i;r.J.
Manufactured only by the California
Fig Svrup Co. San Francisco Cal. is
Natures Own True Laxative. This
pleasant liquid fruit remedy may be
had o W. E. Dement & Co, at fifty cents
or one dollar per bottle. It is the most
pleasant, prompt and effective remedy
known, to cleanse the system; to acton.
the Liver, Kidneys and Bowels gently
vet thoroughly; to dispel Headachs,
"Colds and Fevers: to cure. Constipation
Indigestion and kindred ills.
For lame Back, Side or Chest use
Shiloh's Porous Plaster, Price 23 cents.
For sale by W. E. Dement.
O POISO
IN THE PASTRY
!F
uH,""3 CTSE3TD.
Vanilla, X-craon, Oraace, etc., flavor
Cakes, Cream, Paddings, etc., ns deli
cately and naturally as tho fral t fro a
which they aro made.
For Strength, and Trno Fruit
Flavor Tlicy Stand Alone.
PREPARED CY TH2
Price Baking Powder Co.,
Chicago, III. St Louis, Mo.
IUKE53 OF
Dr. Fricss Cream Baking Powder
Dr. Price'3 lupulin Yeast Gems,
Cost IJry Hop Yeast.
FOR SALE BV GROCERS.
WJS iUKE BUT OSU GUAUTT.
LiBHT Healthy
The oest dry hop yepst in the world.
Bread ralsod by this yea9t io Ught.whlta
and wholesome like our grandmother's
delicious, broad.
CRCCERS SELL THEftfl.
PREPARED er IMC
Price Baking Powder Co.3
HanTis ol Dr. Price's social Flawnnz Extracts,
Chicago, III. St. Louis, Mo.
For sa'o bv CnTtMJ.SlKitLn S: Co.. Agents
Portland, Oregon
HAPPINESS
la not constituted only ofgood health
and ItYing,
u
AND OTHER
WEARING APPAREL
y ":'jjf
. r r
a' y? ";
XT-VsS-;
v'l re--
xk
"V-
rvsJ, X
---".
y ,-t Mr
1 :"-; Is
NY ---'.
firf:
i ft ' ' "t"-
r'i
Play a prominent part iu the same also. Now
M.D.Kant
Ha? the finest assortment of Iteady Made
MenV, Youth's and Hoy's Clothing, also
makes them, too, nnd guarai.t-'es all his
work to vou. He has an immense stock of
Gent's Funilshhiir Goods Hoots, Shoes. Hats
and Caps. AIo has Just received the latest
and best of Athletic and Rathmg Suits, and
sells goods at the lowest bed-rocK prices.
M: D. KANT,
THE BOSS
Irtant Tailor aid Clothier.
XZiicIilcu'.s Arnica Salve.
Thk Best Sat,ve in. tho world for
Cuts. IJrui-es,Sores,Ulcers,Salt Kheum,
Fever Sores. Tetter, Chapped Hands,
Chilblains. Corns, and all Skin Erup
tions, ami positively cures Piles, or no
pav required. It is guaranteed to give
Iicrfect satisfaction, or money refunded,
'riee '2T, cents-per box. For sale by W.
E. Demcut & Co.
TIic Most AgrceaThlo
As well as the most effective method
of dispelling Headaches, Colds and Fe
vers or ciensing me system is oy laKing
a few doses of the pleasant California
liquid fruit remedy Syrup of Figs. 50 e
and 1 bottles for sale by W. E. De
ment & Co.
Cashing Post No. 11, . A. IS.
Astoria, Oregon, May 9th, 188o.
Post Orders No, 2.
The Officers and Comrades of Cush
ing Post No. 14, G. A. IL will assemble
st their Post Hall at 12 o'clock on Sat
urday, May 30. 1885, for the purpose of
attending to the. proper observance of
Memorial service m accordance with
the rules nnd regulations of the Grand
Army of the Bepublic.
By order of IL Y. MoxTErrn,
Post Commander
W. B. Ross, Adjutant.
'rfcr"PRrCy( s
ia?Tj-;k-&'VfA Bo
fxteC'
Bread,
"S5lE""?
WW
VFfiQT ncgisc
HO
:
iZ'
wT A
i-
i
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Wi mi--
rz: iii ; it i .i '
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K7. i i a
LnJi i Sf
Y
LVcssA
CPa SXa O CP O !? 3 HL S
4
A Few Erkf Descriptions cf Some of My Finest Styles in Fine
DRESS SUITS.
l-t Is a MXGLE BUEASTED SACK SUIT m iinpoited Corkscrew Goods
with flat binding, a c!o-e fitting cut, and equal to any work made to order. They
come in two hailes. BliOWX and DARK NAYY BLUE.
L'nd-ls a SINGLE BREASTED FBOCK SUIT in dark Nav Blue Crepe.
Cloth, without binduig. which make up ono of the finest, and moj-t durable DreSs
Suits manufactured.
ftl laS!XGLE BREASTED SACK SUIT in a verv line fauev Cassimere,
dark in color, in style, a broken plaid with a littlo blue and orange running
through, giving it a very handsome appearance, without binding.
Hh I, a MXGLE BREASTED FROCK SUIT in a fine dark fancy Cassimere,
a black Diagonal Cloth with a line thread of green and red silk running through
out, witheu: binding.
5th Is a DOUBLE BREASTED SACK SUIT in a fine dark mixed Cassimere,
a broken plaid with an old gold silk thread running through, forming a large and
almost indistinct plaid. Very neat and durahle. No binding.
Gth-Is a DOUBLE BREASTED FROCK PRINCE ALBERT SUIT in a fine
black eloth with black satin lining and stitched edge. Also haye same style
suits with Farmer satin lining, and bound with black silk binding.
7th - Is a SINGLE BREASTED SACK SUIT in an extra flne'blue Cloth with
a line black silk fiat binding, the finest Goods made up in Geuts' Sack Suits.
Besides these few mentioned lines, I have a large assortment In SINGLE or
DOUBLE BREASTED SUITS, and SUMMER OVERCOATS. Also BOYS
SUITS with knee or long pants.
To go with these FINE DRESS SUITS I have an elegant assortment of
Gents Fine Furnishing Goods, Hats, Caps, Boots or Shoes.
THE LEAD1HC DRY GOODS AND CLOTHING HOUSE ifo THE CITY.
The Iiarrcst Stock. The Finest Goods IlioXioweat Prices.
Phj thlan Building, - - ASTOEIA, Or.
The Leading Stationers and News Dealers of Astoria.
ARTISTS "JXATJgJTCIALS.
TOILET ARTICLES,
JAJVAVESE GOODS
FAXCT GCOJTS.
BABV BUGGIES.
The Latest Notions
We defy any and all competition.
OPPOSITE PAltKEIt HOUSE,
GO TO THE
Hair Dressing Saloon
Parlxcr House, I?In.iu St.,
For a first-class Shave, scientific Hair-cut.
and hygienic Shampoo, etc,
II. On JPAKH, Prop.
Fino Stationery,
Blank Books,
School Books,
Music Books, I
SHEET jtfUSIC AND
e
m
ca
ui
E
Id
ODBiBiHauaaHBaiHannHmnBWaBnattMiHnraMaflaiiMHHHHHBMHaiHgiHHBiano
Si3EsaE:E33sc2sa!:i32sssE:3:sGssiiEnaaaasEii3aiizsaBic35as
wtw a sen
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j
aiaszsssiaaaasBsaa'jsssacsKSESisssSbEassssKsaEasaasascssiEaaas"
Nev Goods!
m ALL
DEPARTMENTS.
Men's, "To-u.th.s' asid Boys'
escsx
CLOTHING
Hats and Furmshing Goods.
f-FINEST GOODS AT THE LOWEST PEIOES.j3
5 I .UL'SICAi IXSTKL'MEXTS.
1 j JEWELRY. 2
jjj WATCHES AXD CLOCKS. O
O j HlItD CAGES.
and Novelties, Etc.
Call, examine our goods and be convinced.
- ASTORIA. OEEGOS.
; ' t t;-.uj
Astoria Bakery
AND
Columbia Candy Factory.
Ed. Jncknon, Proprietor.
Candies. - 20Ctaperlb.
Bread, Pies and Cakes delivered every
day.
Agents for Stock's
Little Giant, and
Kranich and Bach's Pianos,
Taber, and Vestern
Cottage Organs,
MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.
I UlSIli
:5K:aEa:aa2iscss!Eaaas5
olhier and Hatter,
New Styles!
csasiBasa