0)
Vol. xix.
Astoria, Oregon, Saturday Morning, Jul- 28, L883
No. 102,
THE TROUBLE BILL BRACE
MADE.
The old settler saw the sheriff
looking at one of the circus
pictures and laughing as if he
would bursty .2.ifc picture was
that of an elephant and a camel
walking side by side, and a man
on horseback following them.
Said the sheriff: "That picture
put me in mind of the time that
Jim Stark went down to take care
of youg Bill Brace when Bill had
a spell of the jim-jams. That was
the funniest thing that ever hap
pened in Pike county, but I hadn't
thought of it in ten years, and I
had to howl.
"Maybe it's twenty years ago,
and maybe it's more, but anyhow,
3'oung Bill Brace, after turning a
good farm and three or four of
the best horses there was in the
county into Jersey rum and ab
sorbing the most of it himself,
somehow or other got the jim-jams.
They took him home to his old
man's. The old gentleman kept a
tavern along the river road, and
never let anything bother his head
much, and no .more did the old
lady. They took young Bill's
little indisposition as a matter of
course, and got along with him
well enough for a day or two; but
when he got to insisting that the
old man was a snake which it was
his bounden duty to club to death
and that the old lady was a super
fluous kitten that must be drowned,
and forthwith proceeded to per
form his duty with a singleness
and tenacity of purpose that nearly
triumphed, they concluded that he
had better be handed over to more
vigorous and persuasive methods
of treatment, and they called in
the hired man and the neighbors.
"Jim Stark, who lived all over
the country, happened to be in
that locality about that time, and
he volunteered to go and sit up
with young Bill at least one night.
Jim was a little given, once in a
while, to taking a drop too much
himself. Believing that he
wouldn't have a very pleasant or
quiet evening with his patient, he
thought he would take a small
vial of nerve-fortifier along, and he
did.
"They had young Bill in the
front bedroom of the tavern,on the
ground floor. The house was built
close to the edge of the road. It
was a warm summer's night, and
the front window was raised to its
full hlght. All the folks in the
house went to bed and left Jim
alone with young Bill. The pati
ent was comparatively quiet, and
Jim began to think he was to have
a pleasant watch.
"Ten o'clock had passed, and,
with the exception of an occasion
al howl, and the emphatic expres
sion of the belief that the room
was full of fighting cats, young
Bill had given Jim no uneasiness.
About 12 o'clock young Bill gave
a yell that would have scared a
panther into fits Jim was laying
back In a chair, in the act of
strengthening his nerves once
more. He turned round and saw
Bill sitting up in bed, staring wild
at the window. Jim looked in
that direction himself. If Bill's
yell would have thrown a panther
into fits, the one that Jim gave
would have killed it stone dead.
There, with its head sheved
through the open window, and
.witb its trunk waving slowly to
and fro, and its ears flopping, was
an elephant, and at its side stood
& camel. In less than a second
Jim was in under the bed, yelling
murder at the top of his voice.
The hirKbian. slept over head,
and hearing the noise, rushed
down. The first thing that met
his gaze was the elephant and the
camel. - Then -he thought he had
the jams, and with a terrible howl
he went out of a back window and
made for the barn. The uproar
awoke the old man and woman,
and they came tearing into the
room. The elephant and camel
were 'the first things they saw.
They tumbled over one another in
their haste to get out, and added
their howls to Bill's, Jim's and the
hire d . man's. The old lady got
Out;of the house and ran a mile
up the road to Granny Cusword's.
She aroused the people there and
yelled:
" 'Don't come out or you'll get
'em. I've got 'em, the ole man's
got 'em, Jim Stark's got "em and
the hired man's got 'em! We all
got 'em o' Bill! Who under the
blessed canopy'd a thunk they
was ketchin'? Don't come out,
an' I'll kinder hide in the wood
shed!' "Well, in the midst of the ex
citement at the tavern, a man on
horseback rode up. He .oon
straightened things. Yon so
there had been a circus down to
Stroudsburg, and it had pulled up
up at night to come on to Milford.
The elephant and camel had been
chained together, and the keeper
rode along on horseback. He got.
tired and sleepy, and just before
he reached Brace's had fallen
asleep in his saddle. His horse
had turned iuto Brace's barnyard
and stopped, and the elephant and
the camel went on. Seeing the
light in the window, the elephant
went to investigating matters and
gave the whole house the jim
jams. J'ld. Mott.
Press and Pulpit.
Gay Waters, the recentlv-eleot-ed
pastor of the Fourth Christian
Church, has also joined the rcpor
torial staff of an evening paper.
No doubt the piety of the paper
and the push of the pastor will bo
improved by the combination of
journalism and preaching. (Uohc
JJemocrat. The Rev. Mr. Waters will find ;
as many opportunities of telling j
the truth and serving God on the '
staff of a daily, newspaper as in the
pulpit on Sunday. Comic papers J
are responsible for the idea that a '
reporter is the last surviving rep
resentative of Bohcmianism, care- j
less in his habits of life and reck- J
less in his statements. The; truth '
is that the very nature of a repor-:
ter's work requires regularity, :
punctuality and accuracy, and any- j
one who would undertake to join
the staff of a daily newspaper in
the expectation that he would have I
nothing to do. but to loaf around j
public places, or that he could
draw any pay that he had not
earned by hard work, would be j
most woefully disappointed. As
for accuracy and truthfulness there j
is no calling in the world which is
subjected to so severe a test as
that of a reporter. The doctor's
mistakes are hidden under ground
the lawyer's are known only to the
judge, the minister's congregation
cannot answer him back, the mer
chant's mistakes arc rectified
privately, but thousands of critical
readers stand ready to test the
reporter's work, and if he makes a ,
mistake the paper is called to ac
count for it publicly.
One of the funniest things we
have lately seen in print is an ar-
tide in a Boston paper on "gen
tlemen." The dude that wrote it
says that "Abraham Lincoln was
not a pcnttemau, in the strict
heraldic sense of the term." Oth
er men, such as John Adams, fall
under the ban of his social ostra
cism. The argument, if argument
it may be called, amounts to this:
that no man is a "gentleman"
whose father, or grandfather
worked at any manual labor, .or
was engaged "in trade." The
funniest part of it is that there
should be people who read and be
lieve such dudeistic statements
for, of course, no newspaper pub
lishes what is not asked for.
Subscriptions amounting to
$100,000 have been guaranteed in
aid of the "World's Industrial and
Cotton Centennial Exposition at
New Orleans next year. The total
amount wanted is S500,000.
The general agent for the sale
of the Star Chewing Tobacco for
the Pacific Coast, .Mr. AV. H. Mc-
'Allister, 20G Front Street, San
Francisco, Cal., thus speaks of the
Great German Remedy. "I was
tortured with pain from acute
rheumatism, and cared not whether
I lived or died. I tried the reme
dy that is setting every one wild
now-a-days St Jacobs Oil just
two applications of which entirely
cured me."
One Way to do.
The territorj7 of Dakota contains
95,500,000 acres, and nearly all of
this is farming land, which will
produce from twenty to forty
bushels of wheat per acre, from
GO to 100 bushels of oats, and the
same proportion of everything
that man and beast eat. Less
than 2 per cent of this valuable
land is under cultivation. The
Northern Pacific railroad traverses
this county from east to west. If
the British government are anx
ious to send their paupers to this
country, let them buy some ol this
land. It can be bought from $1.25
to $i an acre. They can then
send their people to cultivate it.
If they refuse to work, why then
they can starve. If anv of thej
benevolent societies are being
formed to furnish these people
with their fares to this country, it
would be much better for the
English government to buy land
for these people at a nominal rate
of interest, pa3'ablc in ten or fifteen
years, thus making every one inde
pendent if they choose to be. The
British government will make
money by carrying out this pro
gramme. If they do not wish to
buy lands in our country they can
go to the western division of the
Canadian Pacific and Manitoba.
Legislation is certain to come
upon this subject of pauper immi
gration, both here and in England.
Why not be practical?
This powder nowr varies. A marvel o
purity. strength and wlnlesomenoss. Morn
economical Mian the ordinary kinds and
cannoi be sold iu competition with the nml
titurte of low test snort weight, alum or
phosphate powders. Sohlunluin rati, ltov
ai. IUki.vu I'owdkk Co., lot; Wall-st. N. Y.
SITTERS
No time should bo lost if the. stomach, liver
and bowels arc affected, to adopt the sure reu
euy, iiosieuers iiomncn miters. Discates
of the organs named bc;ret other? fur more
serious, and delay is therefore hazardous.
Dyfpe:ia, liver complaint, chills and lever,
early rheumatic twinges, kidney weakness,
bring serious bodily trouble if trifled with.
Loso no time in using this cflectiro anil safe
medicine.
For sale by all Dragcists and Denier,
cenerally.
20 BOATS
AND
CANNERY SITE FOR SALE.
THE PROPERTY KNOWN AS A. P. CO.'S
Net Racks, adjoining Fort Cauuy. 20 23;
foot boats, good f..r Raker's Bay or up river
Itching ; H net racks complete : frontage 00
feet ruuninir to deen Water, film T.lnoir ..r.
shore, with mess house.
Tlili is the most convenient place for
salmon nets, traps and seines and decidedly
the bcit location on the Columbia river for a
salmon eannerv.
"yilIsellforcaMior will take stock with
.satisfactory Hshcnnen's Packing Co.
ROZORTH & JOHNS.
THE LATEST STYLES
WALL PAPER
AT
B. . FRANKLIN'S,
NEXT DOOR TO ASTORIAN OFFICE.
A very large Stock from which to select.
"VVindowcurtalns made to order.
JSMy patent Trimmer to cut Wall Paper
will be lound convenient to my patrons.
Absolutely "pure.
Ml
Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago,
Backache, Soreness of the Chest,
Gout, Quins, Soro Throat, Swell
ings and Sprains, Burns and
Scalds, General Bodily
Pains,
Tooth, Ear and Headache, Frosted
Feet and Ears, and all other
Pains and Aches.
No Preparation on earth equals Sr. Jacobs Oil
aj a safe, sure, simplo and cheap External
Bemedjr. A trial entail but ths ttwparatirolj
trifling outlay of 60 Cent, and txerj ano suffer
ing with pain can hare cheap and pouitirs proof
of iu claims.
Directions in QsTen Language.
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS ALT) DE ALEB3
m MEDICINE.
A. VOGSLER Sc. CO.,
Haltimorc.Xtd., U.S. A.
Accounts from all parts of Ohio
agree that the Scott liquor law Ls
very popular with the tax-payers.
The tax collected in some coun
ties will he equal to the tax laid
upon them ly the state for state
purposes.
MOTHERS, READ.
j Grans: Alnrat iiint years no I bad n
I child two years old :i:ul uliiuist itead. The
doctor I Iir.d attending Iter could u.t w
what idled her. I asked liim if he IM i;il
' think it wits worms. He said no. !!--i
ever, this did not satisfy me, as I f.-lt
1 vlncori in my own mind that she li.-ui. I
obtained a bottle of DIE. C niel.ANK'S
OKLEHKATEI) VliK.MIFUGKicenuimt.
! I cave her a tcasnoonful in the morning
1 ii ml n ttntlior nt nlf.li? 'iftrriv'tititi stio iiii.uul I
seventy-two worms ami wsis a well child, j
Since then I have never been without it
in my family. The health of myehildieii j
remained sr good that I had r.euUeted j
..-..,..(..., tl,.U .l,.f ,,,.til .,K... tl. ......
weeks ngo, when two of them pre-ejiled
the same, sickly appearance that Fanny
j did nine years a so. So I thought it must
I be worms, nnd went to work at onee with
a bottle of Jill. C. 31 CLANK'S VKIUII
1 Kl'GK between four of my children, their
lUies being as follows: Alice, S years; Cliar-
Jfj,-i years; Emma, C years; John. 3 years.
Now comes the result : Alice and Emma
i cimeoutall rlght,but Charley pased forty-
live and Johnny about sixty worms. The
i rofuit was so gratifying that I sjcnt two
I days in showing the wonderful effect of
I your Vermifuge around I'ticjij and now
nave the worms on exhibition In mv store.
. Yours truly. JOHN PIPER,
The genuine UK. C arcLANK'S YKU
Mirt'GK is manufactured only by
Fleming Bros., Pittsburgh, Pa.,
kii J lx-ar the signatures of C nrcLnno
and riemlng- llrox. It is never made in
!.nis r Wheeling.
!! treynu get the genuine. Price,
-ei;x . bottle.
FLL'jIDIG lJKOS., Pittsburgh, Pa.
A.M. Johnson &Oo,
DEALERS IN
iGncnCmcterjf
A FULL LINE OF
WH. EDGAR,
Dealer In
Cigars, Tobacco and Cigarettes
Meerschaum and Brier Pipes,
GENUINE ENGLISH CUTLERY
Revolvers and Cartridges.
HANSEN BROS.
SASH AND DOOR FACTORY,
AND PLANING MILL.
A full stock of home manufactured goods
constantly on hand.
Special Attention given to Orders.
All work guaranteed. Your patronage so
licited. ASTORIA. - Oregon.
Changed Hands.
THE BAKERY ON CnEN AM US STREET,
formerly owned by ChaJ. Carow. has
been bought by Chas Eberle, who will here-
alter conduct it.
Goad Bread a Specialty.
The public trade solicited.
FOR 1
RHEUMATISM, :
Artists
Materials
i HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS.
PARKER HOUSE,
A. AMSSLL. Manager.
ASTORIA, - - . OREGON.
FIRST CLASS HOTEL.
ALL MODERN IMPROVEMENTS
HUT A.J COLD BATHS.
None But White Help Employed.
-fj:ce coacii to the house.-k
IT IS A FACT
-T1HT
JEFF'S CHOP HOUSE
ON
Concomly Street is the Best in
Town.
-THAT
3JV Almij s on Hand FRESH"
Shoal "Water Hay and East
ern Oy.siiTN.
TfLVT-
"JEFF" IS THE BOSS CATERER.
THAT -
lie has been Proprietor oT the "Aurora
Hotel" In Kunppton seven years.
OPEN DAY AND NIGHT.
ROSCOE'S FIRST CLASS
Oyster Saloon,
CI1KNAMUS STREET, ASTORIA.
111IE UNDERSIGNED IS TLEASEDJTO
. announce to the public that he has op
ened a
FIICSX CliASS
3E3gttlTigr House ,
And furnishes in first-class style
OYSTERS. HOT COFFEE TEA, ETC
AT THK
Ladies and Gent's Oyster Saloon,
OIIF.NAMUS STREET.
rieas sive me a call.
ROSCOE DIXON, Proprietor
PIONEER RESTAURANT
AND
LODGING HOUSE.
Refitted throughout : theJTable supplied
with the best ttiie beds clean and comfort
able. A First :cIuns IIon.se.
Hoard by the week. - 53.00
Meals to order.
J. (i. ROSS. Proprietor.
COSMOPOLITAN
Ghop House and Restaurant.
OPEN DAY AXD NIGHT.
Jlcnls 5 cent and upwards.
:. zsosrij.vitit, -
3IAIX STKEET. - -
Proprietor.
- ASTOKI.l.
SEVILLE & 00.
Pacific Net and Twine Co.;
Sax FuANCi-jeo, April 11th, lsxtl"
Dkai: Siks;
For Kueral convenience,
we have sent a supply of No. SO, 111
ply Genuine Scotcli Salmon IVot
Twine, to the care of A. if. JOHNSON'
& CO., Astoria, which will be sold at
low enough figures to make It an object
for all net menders to use it for repairs,
in plane of the more cosily Xo. 40,
ply.
Fishermen who have heretofore nsed
this grade of twine for repairs, claim
that the durability of the patch is equal
to the balance of the net, after the latter
has had a few weeks use. We think it
will hu money in your pocket to try It.
For prices and samples apply to
A. M. JOHNSON &CO.,
Astoria.
Ne ille & Co. Sole Agents, s. Pr.n.,.wi
: and 33 California St. h JU h ran"-
Barbour's
No. 40 I2-Ply
SALMON TWINE !
CORK MIS LEAD LINES,
SEINE TWINES
A Full Stock Now on Hand.
HENRY DOYLE & CO.,
511 Market Street, San Fraaelsco
Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast.
Hardware and Slip Ctailerj.
A. VAN DUSEN & CO.-
irRALKItS IK
Hardware and Ship Chandlery,
Pure Oil, Bright Varnish,
Binnacle Oil, Cotton Canvas,
Hemp Sail Twine,
Cotton Sail Twine,
Lard Oil,
Wrought Iron Spikes,
Galvanized Cut Nails.
Agricultural Implements,
Sewing Machines,
Paints nntl Oils. Gifoceries. etc.
WILLIAM HOWE
DEALER IX-
Doors, Windows, Blinds, Transoms, Lumber,
All kinds ot
OAK LUMBER,
GLASS,
Boat Material, Etc.
j Boats of all Sinds Made to Order, j
K'-Ortters from a distance promptly attended
S. ARNDT & EERCREN,
ASTORIA. - OREGON.
The Pioneer Machine Shop
BLACKSMITH
f&
AND i
Boiler Shop
All kinds of
ENGINE, CANNERY,
AND
STEAMBOAT WOES
Promptly attended to.
A specialty made of repairing
CANNERY DIES,
FOOT OF LAFAYETTE STREET.
ASTORIA IRON WORKS.
BEOTOX STRF.KT, NEAK I'AItKEH HOUSK, !
ASTORIA. - ORECOX.
GENERAL MACHINISTS AND
BOILER MAKERS.
LAND aiMABDIE ENGINES
BoilerWork, Steamboat Work
and Cannery Work a spe
cialty. Of all DeHcriptions made to Order
at Short Xotire.
A. D. Wass, President.
J. C. nusTLKit, Secretary,
I. V. Cask, Treasurer.
lOHX Fox.Superintendent.
A. V. Allen,
(SUCCESSOR TO PAOE & ALLEN.)
Wholesale and retail dealer Iu
Glass and Plated Ware,
TROPICAL AND DOMESTIC
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES.
ToetliPr with
Wines, Liquors Jobacco,Cigars
LOEB & CO.,
.IOBBKRS IN
WINES.
LIQUORS,
AND
CIGARS.
AGENTS FOR THE
Best San Francisco Houses and
Eastorn Distilleries.
Tumblers Decanters, and All
Kinds of Saloon Supplies.
BSA11 goods sold at San Francisco Prices.
MAIN STREET.
Opposite Parker House, Astoria, Oregon.
NOTICE
TO THE PUBLIC.
01 1 1 Co.
Will Transact their Business at the
MAIN STREET WHARF,
Which has been Leased,
Until Further Notice-
E. A. N0YES. Agent..
Tie
AND
Bracket Work
A SPECIALTY.
to, and satisfaction guaranteed in all cases
BUSINESS CAHDS.
Q XV. WlTON,
ATTORNEY AT LAV.
Rooms 5 and c. Odd Fellows Bulldinj-
Ijg l HOLDEX,
NOTARY PUBLIC,
AUCTIONEER, COMMISSION AND IN
! Cin VPP A AT?VT
JAY TIITTXiK. 31. 1.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
Officii Rooms 1,2, and 3. Pythian Build
ing. Residkxpk Tiver J. E. Thomas' Drus
i Store.
QJELO V. IARKMt.
SURVEYOR OF
Clatsop County, and City or Astoria
Office : Chenamus street, Y. M. C. A. hall
Room No. 8.
"P F. 1IIOHS,
PENTIST,
ASTORIA, - OREGON
Rooms in Allen's building up stairs, corner
f Cass and Sqemocqhe stret .
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
Chenamus treet, - - ASTORIA, OREGON
J .1. JOAES,
STATU BUI3LDER,
Ship and Steamboat Joiner
iErensT,
Room ll. Odd Fellows Building:, Astoria, Or.
Gas administered lor painless extraction
of teeth.
J. CUttTIS,
ATT'Y AT LAW.
Notary Public, Commissioner of Deeds for
California, New York and Washington Ter
ritory. Rooms 3 and 4, Odd Fellows Building, As
toria. Oregon.
N. 15. -Claims at Washington. D. C and
collections a specialty.
GENERAL STEAMSHIP AGENCY.
Bills of Exchange on any
Part oi Europe.
1AM AGENT FOR TIE FOLLOWING
well known and commodious steamship
ines,
STATE LINE. RED STAR.
WHITE STAR.
HAMBURG-AMERICAN.
DOMINION LINE.
NATIONAL, and AMERICAN LINE.
Prepaid tickets to or from any European
port.
For full information' as to rates of fare,
sailing days, etc, apply to
I. W. CASE.
BOZOHTH & JOHNS.
Real Estate and General Insurance
Agents.
ASTORIA, - - - Oregon.
WE WRITE POLICIES l!f THE WEST
em. State lnvestment.Hamburg, Bre
men and North German Fire-insurance Com
panies, and represent the Travellers Life
and Accident of Hartford,' and the Now
York Life, of X. Y.
We have the only complete set of township
maps in the county, and liave made arrange
ments to receive applications, tilings, and
llnal proofs on Homesteads, Preemptions,
Timber Lauds, etc., havlne all the official
blanks therefor. Our maps can be exam
ined in the ofllce, upon the payment of a
reasmxahle fee.
Wc also have for sale city property in As
toria and additions, and farms and tide land
property.
Rents, and other collections made, and
loans negotiated.
BOZORTH& JOHNS,
&B1BD CLEAEANCE SALE!
to make room for moro
Hardware and Slip Mlery
A. VAN DUSEN & GO
Will sell at cost their entire stock of
HATS AND GAPS
AD
BOOTS AND SHOES.
These goods must be disposed of as we are
soon to receive another large lot of
Hardware and Ship Chandlery
And must have room to store It.
Hall's Safes.
WE HAVE THE AGENCY FOR ASTO
na of the above safes : narties desirinir
to pnrchase will do well to call and examine
catalogue and price lists.
BOZORTH& JOHNS,