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About The Daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 10, 1882)
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THE HUMORIST IN COURT.
If there is such a thing as laugh
ing a case out of court, that feat
was accomplished in the city of
Erie, P.i., the other" day. One
Frank Weiss, the editor of the
Sonniasgasie, published in that
city, was haled before the court
for publishing a cartoon of a citi
zen who had been doing volunteer
detective work in s'ping out law
breaking saloon-keepers. "When
the case came on for trial, the
district attorncj- had hunted up
an old statute by which he could
use so many peremptory chal
lenges that he could secure a jury
to suit him. The statute origi
nated in the time of Edward I,
and having once been incorporated
into Pennsylvania law, it had
never been repealed, although it
was supposed to be dead law.
Here was an ancient statute rung
in on the humorst at the last mo
ment. None of his German friends
could serve on that jury. The hu
morist was not to be outwitted in
that way. He got a breathing
spell of a few hours, when he
came into court prepard for his
defense. He had been looking
into ancient statutes himself, and
had made some important discov
eries. He claimed the benefit of
other unrepealed statutes; and
among them trial by "ordeal." He
showed that "wager of battle" was
still an unrepealed statute in
Pennsylvania. The district attor
ney had got in the first lick: now
the humorist would enlighten the
court. Having produced iiis au
thorities showing that "wager of
battle" was still ancient unrepealed
law of Pennsylvania, he claimed
the full benefit of it, and proposed
the following plan of enforcing the
The judges and the clergy are
to assemble on a given day, and
before them the accused person
must fling down his glove and de
clare his intention to defend the
same with his body. The prose
cutor will then pick it up and an
nounce his readiness to make good
the appeal, body for body. Then
both men will bring out their bat
tleaxes or javelins, and kneeling
before the judges, will make-oath
that the weapons have not been
charmed by witchcraft, etc. This
done each is to grap his ax in his
right hand, and the left hand of
the other in his left. The accused
person to say: "Here this, 0 man,
who callest thy name John Firch
by the name of baptism, that I,
who call myself Frank Weiss by
the name ot baptism, did not libel
you, so help me God and all the
saints." To which the accuser
will reply: "Hear -me, O man,
whom I hold by the hand, and who
callest thyself Frank Weiss by the
name of baptism, that 1 do hold
thee perjured, and this I will
prove with my body, so help me
God and all the saints." At a
signal from Judge Galbraith the
men will come out of their cor
ners and go for each other, and
his cause shall be deemed just who
succeeds in carving up the other
before the going down of the sun.
It did not lessen the humor of
the defendant when it appeared
that he was a little man, weighing
hardly a hundred pounds; and that
his opponent was a stalwart weigh
ing over two hundred pounds, and
having good fighting muscle. The
humorist, succeeding in convulsing
the court and jury, and having
laughed the case out of court, he
went forth a free man of solemn
visage, but the funniest man who
ever made a solemn joke in Penn
sylvania. S. F. Bulletin.
Arabi Pasha writes he would
prefer to live in Damascus or if
that is impossible, in London. He
expresses contentment with his
lot, because he knows his misfor
tune has been the means of secur
ing for the country he loves the
liberty and prosperity it deserves.
He feels confident that when Eng
land carries out her good work she
will permit him to return. She
will soon learn that he was no
rebel when he set himself at the
head of a people who wanted
nothing but justice.
An old Sandy Hook, Pilot, Mr.
Peter Bailey, residing on Court
street, south Brooklyn, N. Y., was
cured of a very severe case of rheu
matism by St. Jacobs Oil. His ail
ment bd resisted all professional
Pour Remarkable '-Hands.1
Yesterday afternoon, at the Cavier
Club house Cla' Culbertson, Jeny
Kiersted, Alexander Starbuck and
E. G. Webster, entered into a
game of whist. After the first hand
had been played, Mr. Webster,
whose turn it was to deal, took the
cards, shuffled them, and after
they had been cut by Mr. Kier
sted, dealt. Each player, as he
arranged his cards, appeared to be
laboring under iome unusual ex
citement. Mr. Culbeitson, whose
turn it was to play, and who
generally is very prompt in placing
his card on the table, delayed the
play until Mr. Starbuck broke the
ominous silence which prevailed
by exclaiming: "Gentlemen, I
have the jnost remarkable whist
hand I ever held. I hold thirteen
hearts.' "And 1," remarked Mr.
Culbertson, "hold equally as re
markable a hand. 1 have thirteen
spades." "And I," nervously
said Mr. Kiersted, "have the thir
teen diamonds." "Of course I
hold the thirteen trumps," quickly
chinned in the dealer, Mr Web
ster. To say the players were
unduly excited at such an expose
of the hands but feebly expressed
their mental condition at the time.
The conversation that ensued re
lative to this unexpected event in
whist among the players and mem
bers, as they dropprt in during
the afternoon, was decidedly ani
mated. 2so one had ever heard
of holding sucn hands in whist.
A case occurred in a Boston club a
year or so ago where a player held
the,thirteen trumps, and also a
similar case in a New York club,
but aside from these two no one
could report such hands as these.
Mr. Zanoni, one of the old whist
players in the city; on being told
of the four remarkable hands,
stated that in all his experience in
the seductive game of whist he
hadnever heard of such a deal
being consummated. He thought
that som one had pieviously been
playing a game of solitaire with
the pack in question, that when
the dealer picked them up (it
being the custom here to play
with two decks), he made but one
or two shu files with the cards
without disturbing their relative
positions, and that the cut was
made as it was between the two
suits. Professor G. W. Smith,
another expert, was simply amazed
at such a result of a deal. It
seems to be one of the impossible,
and it might not occur again
during a generation of playing.
Antiquity of Printing.
In an interesting article on
printing in China, the North China
Herald says that the first great
promoter of the art of printing
was 'Fung XTing Wang, who in
932 A. D, advised the emperor to
have Confucian classics printed
with wooden blocks engraved for
the purpose. The first books were
printed in a regular manner, and
in pursuance of adeciee in 053.
The mariner's compass and rock
ets were invented about the same
time, showing that at this period
men's minds w ere much stirred tow
ard invention. Twenty years after
the edict the blocks of the classics
were pronounced ready and put
on sale. Large-sized editions,
which were the only ones printed
at first, were soon succeeded by
pocket editions. The woiks print
ed under the Lung emperors at
Hangehow were celebrated for
their beauty; those of western
China came next, and those of
Fokheim last. Moveable types of
copper and lead were tried about
the same time; it was thought that
mistakes were too numerous with
them, and therefore the fixed
blocks were prepared. Paper made
from cotton was tried, but it was
found so expensive that bamboo
made paper held its ground. In
the Sung dynasty the method was
also tried of engraving on soft
clay and afterwards hardening it
by baking. The separate charac
ters were not thicker than ordi
nary copper coins. Each of them
was, in fact, a seal. An iron plate
was prepared with a facing of tur
pentine, wax and the ashes of
burnt paper. Over this was placed
an iron frame, in which the clay
types weie set up until it was full.
The whole was then sufficiently
heated to melt the wax facing. An
iron plate was placed above the
types, making theiw perfectly lev
el, the wax being just soft encugh
to allow the types to sink into it
the proper depth. This being
done it would be possible to print
several hundred or thousand copies
with great rapidity. Two forms
prepared in thiswny were ready
for the pressman's use, so that
when he had done one he would
proceed with another without de
lay. Here is undoubtedly the
principle of the printing press of
Europe, although western printers
can dispense with a soft wax bed
for types, and can obtain a level
surface without this device. Per
haps the need of capital to lay in
a stock of types, the want of a
good type metal easily cut and
sufficiently hard, and the superior
beauty of the Chinese characters
when carved in wood have pre
vented the employment of the
movable types, which are so con
venient for analphabetic writing.
The inventor of this amode of
printing in movable types five
centuries before the' were invent
ed in Europe, was named Pi
A merchant tailor, Mr. A. E.
Goetz' No. 1510 Eleventh avenue,
Altoona, Pa , states that sometime
since he had neuralgia in his face,
and his sufferings were almost in
tolerable. He purchased a bottle of
the St, Jacobs Oil and applied itlt
acted like magic, two applications
effecting a complete cure.
"On the day that a divorce was
granted to Mr. Perkins, a Kansas
woman, she was lying dead in the
house, andthe'bodyof her hus
band was hanging to the limb of
a tree one dying of heart disease
ane the other commiting suicide."
Tills powder npcr varies. A man el of
purity, strength and w liolesomeness. Mon
economical than the ordinary Kinds, and
cannot be sold In competition i the mul
titude of low test, short weight, alum or
phosphate powders. Sold only in wins.
ltOVAI. KAKIXG roWDFR CO.. 10G AVall-St.,
if" CEIEIMTED iA
rtnmnmlipr hnf etntntna a1 ama.. i.
lito-pnnciplo or whatever you may chooso to
call tho resistant power which battles against
thocaufoiof diseaso and death, is tho grand
safeguard of health. It is the garrion of tho
human fortress, and when it waxes weak, tho
true policy is to throw in rcinforccmen ts. In
other words, when such an emergency occurs
commence a courso of llostcttcr's Bittern.
For salo bv Druggists and Dealers, to whom
apply for Hoitotter'a Almanac for 1833.
Plain and Fancy Sewing.
Suits aade ia tae test Style and
Guaranteed to Fit-
Mrs. T. S. Jewett.
BOOMS OVER MRS. E. S. "WARRBN'S.l
W TROYALESSKCll B
Sunday Morning," December 10, 1882.
Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago,
Backache, Soreness of the Chest,
Gout, Quins, Sore Throat, Swet-
ings ani Sprains, Burns and
SceJds, General Bodily
Tooth, Ear and Headache, Frosted
Feet and Ears, and all other
Pains and Aches.
Ho Preparation on earth eqcals Et. Jcom Oil
m a safe, sure, simple and cheap Extern!
Bemedy. A trial eatafla bat the conpua&nlj
trifling outlay of M Ceato, and ererj two wfff r
ing with pain can bare cheap and poritirc proof
Direction! in X3eTen Languages.
A. VOGZXER Jk CO.,
Baltimore, 33d. , XT. 8. A.-
An Illustrious Example.
A story is told of .Randolph, of
Roanoke, that wonderful child of
genius, which is so replete with
piquancy as to induce me to be
lieve in its truth. A bitter per
sonal enemy eof the great Virginian
became the candidate of the prty
to which the latter belonged. Jle
stood, as was the custom ihvtbo
olden times, on that side ofStbe
courthouse which was taken uj.by
his" party friends, raeetinr'.with
recognition i hose wBcdsttirrtrShf
vote for him. When Randolph
walked to the polls and in a firm
voice voted for his enejny, the lat
ter advanced, with extended hand,
to greet him. "I thank you sir, J
thank you, sir," he said with some
nervousness. Randolph put his
hand coolly behind him, squeak
ing forth at the same time: "I
didn't vote for you, sir; T voted for
the Democratic party!"
Gknts: About nine years ago I liml :i
child two 3 ears old and almost dead. The
doctor I had attending her could not tell
what ailed her. 1 asked him if he did not
think it was worms. lie said no. How
ever, this did not satisfy me, a I felt con
vinced in my own mind that -lo had. I
obtained a bottle of DK. C. aid. AN ITS
I gave her a teaspoonful in the morning
and another at nightiftenvhicli she paMMl
seventy-two worms and was a well child.
Since then I have never been without it
In my family. The health of my children
remained m pood that I had neglected
watching their actions until about three
w celts ago, when two of them probated
the same sickly appearance that l'aiiny
did nine year ago. So I thought ii inu-t
be worms, and went to worknt onco w ith
a bottle of IK. C. McI.ANE'S YJIKMI
FUGE between four of my children, their
ages being as follews: Alice, 8 years; Char
ley, 4 years; Emrna,6years: .Tohn.yjears.
Now comes the result: Alice and Kmnui
ciinie outnl) right,but Charley paw d forly
flvo and Johnny nlxnit sixty v onus. The
result was so gratifying that I spent two
da-s in showing the wonderful cflcct of
your Vermifuge around Utlcii, and now
have tho worms on exhibition in 111 v store.
Yours truly, JOHN PIPKIL
The genuine 1. C Mrl.ANK'S VER
MIFUGE is mnnuMctnred only by
Fleming Bros., Pittsburgh, Pa.,
and bear the signatures of C. MoLmie
and Fleming- I!ro. It is never made In
St. Iynil. or Wheeling.
IV vure you get the genuine. Price, 25
FLEMIMG BROS., Pittsburgh, Pa.
THE 4 NE PLUS"
Only Premium at Portland Mc
caaaics Fair is note Rnady.
The owners of the
SOLE SHOP RIGHT
rorOrcRon will deliver free to any railroad
or steamboat station on receipt of $
Specially low terms to dealer. Address P.
O. Box 713 Portland. Oregon.
Most Complete Stock in Astoria
JY ovelties of all Kinds
Fruits Beth Ferelfu aud DemeMtir
Wines and Liquors
Of Snierior Brand.
FOSTER'S CORNER, 0 KX N DOCK
Will you suffer with Dispcpsia and
Liver Complaint ? Shiloh's Vitalizer is
guaranteed to cure you. Shl by W. E.
ROSCOE'S FIRST CLASS
CHKSAMrs STREET. ASTORIA.
THE t'NDERSlGNnn IS PLEASED TO
announce to the'nublic that helms op
JESqxxs House ,
And furnMie-v in flrst-cl.iss st le
OYSTESJS. HOT COFFEE TEA, ETC.
Ladies'.and Gent's Oyster Saloon,
Please qivcnie a call.
A. M. JOHNSON & Co.,
Kopcs ami Cordage ofall kiadN
Bloc!st .Patent :mtl Itlctfaliuc of
Tho Cacmiiiie Lccson's Scotch
Salmon net Twines.
nicrmald Twines; Canras. all
7Sn'fX Copper Tipped Oars.
The- best assortment of
The Best COFEEES and TEAS.
Trj our Melrose Baking Powder
Positively the bet cer made.
of all kinds put up !y best Pactcers.
Richardson's and Robbin'a Canned Good.
TrrwH Cash. Profits Snail.
0B-OIYE I'S A CALL-Stt
Comer Mnin and Chonamus Streets,
CIGARS AND TOBACCO.
JOSEPH RODCERS & SONS
GENUINE ENGLISH CUTLERY
AND THE GENUINE W0STENH0LM
ard othor Ensiih Cutlery.
FAIRCHILD'S GOLD PENS
Genuine Heenhaam Pipes, etc.
- A fine, stock ofsfeS.
Watrkes aaa Jewelry, :
Brceek ,Ia41ar Saati
p - 6 - KMeW.nviy
Assortment of fine SPECTACLES awl EYE
B. B. FRANKLIN,
Comer Cass md Squemoqho streets,
ASTORIA. - - OREGON
dram: it tx
Leinenweber & Co.,
P. LKIXKXU'KISKIt. H. HKOWN.
TAMERS AD CDBSBES,
Manufacturers and Importers of
ALL KINDS OK
Wholesale Dealers In
OIL ANI) TALLOW.
elli.?ht cash price paid for tildes and
A. V. Allen,
(suL'GKsson ro i'aob Sr allkx.)
Wholesale and retail denier In
Glass and Plated Ware,
TROPICAL AND DOMESTIC
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES.
. .. . . "?PL..-,LlJjpt. 5 v
h fin m ifcSSsHa
w r I sW o5 2z! swSssWSH
c L 7 1 o n1-' w 2S Sec ?S?JaM
3 m S Zl Wh 5 3 go gSfggl
I WILLI AM HOWE,;
Doors, Windows, Blinds, Transoms. Lumber.
All Kinds of
Boat Material, Etc.
j Boats of all Kinds Made to Ordf. j
S"-Orders from u distance promptly attended
ASTORIA IRON WORKS.
Bkxtox Stkkkt, Neap. Pakkek House,
ASTORIA. - OREGON,
GENERAL MACHINISTS AND
r , 'wv - r; "e
ASTORIA. - OREGON.
The Pioneer Machine Shop
All kinds ot
Promptly attended to.
A specialty made of repairing
FOOT OF LAFAYETTE STREET.
Wilson & Fisher,
Iron, Steel, Coal, Anchors, Chains,
TAR, PITCH, OAKUM,
WROUGHT AND CUT GALVANIZED
Nails. Copper If ails ami Burrs,
Shelf Hardware, Faints and Oils
Rubber and Hemp Packing of all Kinds.
FltOUR AND MUX FEED.
Agent3 for Salem Flouring Milk.
Corner Chenamus and Hamilton Streets
M. WKRT1IEIMP.K. T. WBKTJIKIMKR.
M. WERTHEIMER & BRO.
MANUFACTURERS OF FINE
Havana and Domestic Cigars
No. 518.Fraat St. Saa Francisco
Notice for Publication.
LAND OFFICE AT OREGON CITY ORE
gon, Not. 9, 1SSJ.
Notice is herpby given that the followinjr
named settler has filed notice of his Inten
tion to make final proof in support of his
claim, and that said proof will be made he
fore James B. Upton. Notary public, at Ore
townTillamook county, Orecon, on Wednes
day, Dec. 20, 18S2. viz : Lewis L. Shortridec,
Preemption D. S. No. 3G30, for the lots 19, 18,
17, 30. 31. and 32, Sec, 12, T. 5, S. R. 11 W. and
lots 24 and 25. Sec 7, T. 5, S. R. 10 W.
He names the following iwtnesscs to prove
his continuous residence upon, and cultiva
tion of aid land. iz:. Jerome Dunn,- Oscar
Fauiconer. and S. Hardy Rock, of Oretoun.
Tillamook county, and AbertO. Yates, ot
East Portland, Multnomah county, all of Or
egon. L..T. BARIN,
d43 esu C7 Register.
to, and satisfaction guaranteed In all cises.
AUCTIONEER, COMMISSION ANI
T)K. J. C. SIIAFTEJt,
PHYSIC! AX ad SOtCEX.
Diseases orthe Taraat a Specially.
Ofllcc over Conn's Drag Store.
T O. BOZOKTH,
! I "mm"- &?V&
- -r b. . " v. - . 'iz
, i -- -
"O D. WMTOKr
Attorney and Counselor at Law.
O-Offlce In rythian Building. Reoma 11, 12.
ASTORIA, --- - OREGON.
TAY TUTTJLE, M. 1.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
Offick Rooms 1,2, and 3. Pythian Build
in,'. Rp.siDF.Ncn Over Elberaon's Bakery, op
posite Earth & Myers Saloon.
A L.. FIII.TOX, M. D.
PhyHician and SaxveB.
OFFICE Over A. V. Allen's grocery store.
Rooms, at the Parker Honse.
T4I P. HICKS,
Rooms in Allen's building up stairs, corner
of Cass and Sqeraocqhe streets.
T K. liRFOBCE,
Denial Booms over Case' Stare,
Chenamus Street, - - Astoria, Oregon.
I Q. A. BOWLBY.
Chenamus Street. - ASTORIA, OREGC
G. A. STINSON & CO.,
At Capt. Rogers old stand, corner of Cass
and Court Streets.
Ship and Cannery work. Horseshoeing.
Wagons made and repaired. Good work
J. H. D. GRAY,
Wholesale and retail dealer In.
ALL KINDS OF FEED,
Hay, Oats, Straw, Wood, Etc
General storaso and Wharfage on reason
able terms. Foot of Benton street. Astoria
NEW BLACKSMITH SHOP.
OITOSITE KINNEY'S CANNERY
Blacksmithing, Boiler Wrkr ami
All Work Warranted.
MM I JCTfNW6- glffS'y;
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