to II & K ' ? Vol. xviii. Astoria, Oregon, Wednesday Morning, October 18, 1882. 2Jo. 15. JDailg spl-1 Jr JJ Jv JW 1 1' UMBRELLAS. ,-,.,. , , ii I ii&in brinss out the umbrellas. i This may not be a very profound observation, but it compares favorably with the proverb that night brings out the stars, both in profundity and originality. Yesterdav beimr, a rainv day in this city and its suburbs, umbrellas swarmed in the streets and drip ped all over people in the street cars. Most of these umbrellas werp comparatively new, and the fact suggests the questien: What becomes of old umbrellas? There are at present iti this country at least twenty-four mil lions of private umbrellas, exclu sive of those remaining unsold in manufactories and shops. Each umbrella-owner buys at least one umbrella every year, his previous one having been stolen, lofet cr worn out. "We thus see that there isan annual apparent disappearance of twenty million umbrellas, and the moment we fully comprehend this fact, we perceive the import ance of the questien: What be comes of these umbrellas? We may admit that many of them are stolen. Men who would not steal a one-cent postage stamp will, nevertheless, feel no hesita tion in seizing upon any umbrella that is temporarily separated from its owner and in carrying it olT in triumph. About one-sixth of the title" to all umbrellas now in active use is probably of this semi-feloni-'ous nature. There is said to be a rich umbrella-seller in this city whose stock costs him absolutely nothing, since it is collected by " 1 playing upon the consciences of his fellow-men. He walks along Broadway, and when he sees a desirable umbrella he stops the man who is carrying it and re marks : " Excuse me , my friend, but you have my umbrella." At least every fourth man thus stopped knows that his title to the umbrella in his possession will not endure investigation, and so he. hastily -surrenders the umbrella, remarking as he does se: "I was looking for an owner for it, and intended to send it to police head quarters this afternoon.5' On every overcast or threatening day this ingenious collector who is always followed by a boy with a hand-cart gathers in from seventy-five to one hundred umbiellas, which he afterwards sells nt usual retail price. But, conceding that one-bixth of our active umbrellas are stolen or sold for the second time, there still remains eighteen millions" of umbrellas whose annual disappear ance is to be accounted for. Let us assume that of this number two millions are furnished with new covers and a fresh coat of varnish, and so re-enter into circu lation as new umbrellas. Still there are sixteen millions more which vanish utterly from the face of the earth. In the case of the disappear ance of pins a familiar subject which has occupied, for many years, the attention of our statisti cians and other scientific persons it is easy to say that their small size enables them to suc cessfully conceal themselves. Old umbrellas have not this advantage. Next to the hoop-skirt, an old umbrella is the most obtrusive thing in nature. Not only does it refuse to conceal itself, but it at tacks every one who come within its reach, and clings desperately to his legs and garments. Its ribs protude in ail directions, like the tentacles of the octopus, and no amount of force or ingenuity can compress it into a small space. To get rid of an old umbrella will be seen, on reflection, to be ap- I parently one of the most abstruse j and difficult of problems. I .. . .. l . ,,i 14- i mn ArfnMiPhn1 1 .nl - rl 11 I" Uii U.UllILOlU 14. Utllb Will umbrellas are not kept in houses. The housewife when questioned as! to what has become of an given old umbrella will always reply vaguely: "Oh, it has been thrown away.' Of course this cannot be understood literally. If sixteen millions of old umbrellas were thrown into the street ever' year they would be blown about in clouds much thicker than the ordi nrny city dust cloud, arid there would not be a horse or pedestrian in existence who had not sustained injuries from old umbrella ribs. When the housewife "throws .away" an umbrella it unquestion ably vanishes, but what she calls "throwing away" is obviously a peculiar and mysterious act. Hast' thinkers may assume that old umbrellas are cast out into va cant lots, where they are promptly devoured by goats. This may seem a plausible theory to any one but a zoologist. The latter knows, however, that while the goat may be roughly described as an omniv orous animal he is not umbrelliver ous. Undoubtedly goats do eat hoop-skirts, and in the days when hoop-skirts were fashionable, thousands of goats were fattened upon them exclusively. The um brella has so many of the the char acteristics of the hoop-skirt" that one would naturally suppose that it would tempt the appetites of goats, but it is a well-ascertained fact that for some unexplained rea son no goat will touch an umbrella, except when suffering from starva tion. Prof. Tyndall kept a goat seven days without food, and of fered him an umbrella every day, but the goat would not touch it un til the seventh day, when, being overcome with hunger, he ate three ribs and part of the handle, and died two hours later with symptoms closely resembling those produced by strychnine. This ex periment may be regarded as con clusive, and we must acquit the goat of all share in causing the disappearance of umbrellas. To some extent it is possible that old umbrellas are used in cheap restaurants, the ribs being served up under the name of asparagus, but only a verv small proportion of sixteen million umbrellas can be annually used in this way. Neither does the occasional use of an um brella as a club by a vigorous fe male reformer have any bearing upon the subject. There is posi tively no theory which satisfacto rily accounts for the disappearance of old umbrellas, and it is the im perative duty of scientific persons to invent a theory without further delay. Truly, we live in a world of mystery, and no thinking man can look at his umbrella and ask him self where it will go when it is worn out without feeling that he stands on the shore of an ocean of unexplored truths. A7. Y. Times. A New York paper mournfully says: "Society will come to the rich. It runs from the poor. My daughter and son-in-law are on the run. Do you know, sir, she has scarcely a whole slocking in her wardrobe? You wouldn't think it to see her in the street. She is a dashing-looking girl, and wears a 8250 sealskin. That and her 300 piano cost 2,920 meals, that they went without it in order to save the money for the two purchases: They went for four years on one 'square' meal per day to raise the money, and made apologies to their respective stomachs for the other two meals per day with bread and weak tea." A Lively Time in Prospect. The Xorthcrn v Pacific are dis charging men every da, and they are gravitating toward our city. which iin well afford to dispr-ne with their company. llallelt's own position is a precarious one. Within the past week his life has been menaced by a gang of jay-! hawkers, similar to the inisct cauls' who murdered his brother in Kan sas, twelve years arm. He is a man of high courage, and will obey the orders of his superior officers, even if that obedience should cost him his life. Nobody who has not worked upon a railroad in process of construction, can form any ade ouate ide.l of the number of fugi tives from justice who flock to a railroad gnide as an asylum from arrest, nallett has about twelve hundred white men under him, of whom, it may be safely calculated, three hundred have been in some penitentiary and at least half as many more are to-day evading ar rest. The scene of operations is in a. frontier country, where it is almost impossible to enforce the laws. Half a dozen murders have, been perpetrated already, and there are several others, perhaps, which have not been dragged to lijrht. Oreaonian. California Redwood. A quality of California redwood is its ready absorption of water when heated, .which for a time makes it almost lire-proof. The quickness with which fires are ex tinguished in San Francisco has often been lemarked, and the celerity with which blazing build ings are often transformed into charred remnants is irenerally facilitated to the entire lack of the resinous element in the redwood lumber. Resin, familiarly known as "pitch." is not only highly in flammable, but is insoluble in water and will burn while being drenched with the element, with which it will not mix. At a recent fire in that city the advantage of redwood over othor lumber in the construction of buildings became apparent. The moment water struck the sid of the building or roof timbers it not only quenched the flames, but the wood absorbed water as u sponge would, and it became incombustible. There was .a $10,000 lire at Freeport, Ill. and the editor of I one of the local papers, all tremb ling with excitement of so much news, wrote that "Flame's firev fingers was insolently shaken in the very face of the fire depart ment." The other editor was satisfied with saying, "Gone to blazes." Capt. Jacob Schmidt, of Tomp kinsville, Staten Island, New York, suffered with rheumatism for many years. He used St. Jacobs Oil with splendid effect, and adopted it as a family medicine. In the Whole HlHtery or ZHerileiuc No preparation has ever performed such marvelous cures, or maintained .so wide a reputation, as Aykii's I'heruy Pi:ctop.ai which is recognized as the world's remedy for all diseases of the throat and lungs. Its long-continued series of wonderful cures in ail climates has made it universally known as a safe and reliable agent to employ. Against ordinary colds which are the forerun ners of more serious disorders, it acts speedily and surelj', alwavs relieving suffering, and often saving life. The protection it r. lords, by its timely use in throat and :-hest disorders, make.- it an invaluable remedy to be kept alwavs on hand in every home. No perori can afford to be without it, and those who have once used it never will. From their knowledge of its composition and effects, physicians use the Cheup.y Pj:ctoi:at, extensively in their practice; and clergymen recommend it. It is absolutely certain in its remedial effects, and will always cure where cures are IKissiblc. KOK MAI.K KY ALL DKALKP.s. Satisfaction for Ten. In our family of ten for over two years Parker's Ginger Tonic has cured headache, malaria and othor com plaints so satisfactorily that wc are in excellont health and no exnenso for doctors or othermedicineB. Chronicle. H CERMAHREHEOY ITOIfc RHEUMATISM, Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago, Backache, Soreness of iho Chest, Gout, Quinsy, Sore Throat, Swell ings and Sprains, Burns and Scads, General Bodily Pains, Tooth, Ear and Headache, Frostsd Feet and Ears, and all other Pains and Aches. Ko Preparation on earth cqc&ls Sr. J com Oil a safc,sttrr, simple end eheap Extern! Vmt&j. A tria' ent&ili but th comparatively trifling outlay of 50 fonli, nnil erery ono suffer ing with ria can Inro cuesp wnl poiltiTd proof of its claims. Directions in Eleven Lansnagei. BOLD BY ALLDRUG&I8T8 1KB DEALERS IN MEDIOTHE. A. VOGZXER & CO., Baltimore, XW., U. S. A. Bill Nye, the Boomerang ranger of the J?ocky mountains, writes: "One summer in these mountains will make a pickpocket feel almost noble. William II. Tell was made grander, braver and 's:sycr"5 for living in the Alps or Black Hills or wherever it was that he lived. If he had lived on the low flats and cranberry marshes of Southern Europe, he would have been a hen pirate or Bedouin beggar. As it was he braced up and knocked the thraldom of Switzerland so high that you couldn't get three cents' worth of thraldom there now if you 'begged for it." MOTHERS, READ. Gents: AIkmU nine years :ij:o I h.ul a child two years old and almost dead. 'I he doctor I had attending her cmiM no? iMl what allod her. 1 n.ked him If In Ht5 . t.t think It was worms. Jfe. said m. t :.. -ever, this did not satisfy me, n- I iv.: . un vlnccd in my own mind that she h: d. I obtained a bottle of IK. v. .Uci. m:. CKLKMUATJb:iVi:iOIirUC.i:reniiIiu I jrnvo her :i tcapoonfnl in the iiirii2nz nn'dunotheratnlghtiUcrwhh Ii -he pa Tit seventy-two worms and was a weU 1 5nW. Since then I have never heeii-vifl.. in it In my uinily. The health of my rh I U n roiDHiued mj cood that 1 had i.t ! watching their actions until aU tit if weeks auo, when two of them rn -cti!-l the same sickly appearance tha: la: ny j did nine years ago. So I ilinulu u imit j be worms. :ma went lo work ni oik u Km a little or I)K. C. Mel.AXIi'S i.mti KUGE between lour of my children, U. ir ages liciu as follews: Alice, K e.irs; ( l..ir ley, lyear-.; Emnm,Gyeari; Juhu.itear.. Now comes the ieulr: Ahiv and Kmum eHincoutall i ight.hut Charlej S'-ived for! -Ave and Johnny nbotit sixt vorm. I'l.e result wns so uratlfyh.jj that ! speM Iv.o days In showing the wonderful cil'ect of your Veimifuxc around I'tica. rml mw hnve the worms on exhihition In my!o:v. Your truly, JOHN PIPKIt. The uenuiue 1:. C -iILAX;r. YKIi IIFUJK is maiiiifacSuretl only by Fleming Bros.. Pittsburgh, Pa., and )ear the signatures of C. ?lcLano and Flfinhitf Ilros. It i never made lit St. I..JH1- or Wheeling. IV Miruyoii pet tlic genuine Price. -3 rent . tiollle. riJDIIXti UROS., rUtshnr-h, la. 5lTTEBs Tho truo antidoto to the effect; of uiiaMim U Hostcttcr'a Stomach Ditten. "'his uiedi eino is ono of tho most popular remedies of nn ago of. pnccc5sful nroprictnr' specifics, and i in imnaenso demand vrherorcr on this Continent fever and aguo cxuU. A wincslossful threo times a day i- tho best possible pioparatiro for oncounterinc a ma Iarious atmosphere, regolatins tho liver, and invioorating the Momach. For ?alo by all Drunists and Dealers generally. if" CEUMATE0 tA ROSCOE'S FIRST CLASS Oyster Saloon, 1J rUr.V vMUs STKKKT. ASTORIA. mii; A n: LTt'DERSinXEIi IS PLEASED TO inouitce to l hi publie that lit ha op- eiscd a Tr'Iit$T 4'liASS Vi.d furnihe-. in l!t"t-elastsl o.sti:i;. hot coffee" tea. irrc. .vr Tiir. Ladies' and Gent's Oyster Saloon, CIIF.N'AMl'S STREET. Please ive mt a mil. KOSCOKSMXON, Proprietor A. M. JOHNSON & Co., Sliip Clianfe ail Grocers. ICoj(s tnul 'orln' nt'till Icintls. llloeli.. Pnfcnl :mI JIH Inline or ilia NlVi'S. Tin cniiiur LccsonS Scololi Salmon nvi Twine.. 3(i'2ii:iiI Twines: Camas, nil Xo'.s: 4'opprrTipiiefI Ours'. Tin best uortinent f GROCERIES In Town. Tii Rc( COra:iS and TEAS. Try onrllolfose Raking Powder Positively the be.t ever made. CLIMXSE3IX GOODS orall kind put up by best Packers. RieliardAOit's and Rnhbin's Canned Good. Term Cash. Profits Small. BtfT.lYi: l? A CALL'S 13. H. FKANKLIN, UNDERTAKER, Corr.er Cass and Siptenioqhe streets, ASTOPJA, ---- OREGON DK.II.KU IX WALL PAPER ANIi VINDOW SHADES AMI UNDKRTAKERS GOODS. A. Van Dusen- & Co. Vyri.i jmlnpkct; plia tali, thk attention or tin- Piilille to the raet that tlie are Agents lor the followinjj sewing iiKiehiuo. vi : The Eiii im'omI Singer, TIi- .Vhi(c. Tin Crown Ami The KMrldfjc, Which tiiev are sin from S3.T. to S3U. feJi unit defy Competition. PerMHi". wih:ii to pureiiase nm.-liliies -hoiilit eall and hHpcet our stock K'forti pur elKisintf i-Newheiv. as ue guarantee tome perfect s.itii:nilnn as regards quality and I nice. Delinquent Gity Taxes. XroTU'E IS ItKUIIP.Y GIVKX THAT I, LI the uuiieiskiucd. Chief of Police, haw been furuLslied with :i w:irrant from tlie city council requiring me to collect the taxes as seseil for the year ISSi and now delinquent upon the li,t. and make return of the same willdnsiuydavs. All parties so indebted will therefore picas- take notice and gowrn theiu(les accordincl. " "C.W.LAUr.IIEIlY, Chief of Police. Atoria. Oregon. September 19. 1SS2. NO TOOLTSHNESS ! MUST MAKE ROOM ! 1 am about loh-aw for San Francisco with the intention of bringing up the lim-sl stock of JEWELRY. WATCHES. Solid CoIl ant Silverware. Kver olfered lo tiie AstoiLi public, and offer for sale at cMreinelv low prices the whole, of my prCMMit stock. This U a bona fide offer. Solid gold Watches. Chains, l.racelets. Ear lting-. Pin-. ctc..ui manufaclurers prices. CUSTAV HANSEN. it. f. si i: e. c. s. p.i:ovn CITY BOOK STORE. Wiiere von wtil lind all tho .standard works f the d.i ,:imt a constantly changing M(s-k of novlties and laney articles: we keep the best assortment ef anctv goods in " the cit. Pocket Books, Picture Frames, Steroscopes, Mu sical Instruments, Sheet Music, Bijou terie, & Celluloid Goods, etc., etc. D F. STEVENS & CO, w r 5 lo5 S2 8W5S r- L o i OJKLJ v -n " r CD o o L J hi - $am2 z o sO Sc " -s rn m x - "s i p :vJ r c a a o jk p P; ! WILLIAM HOWE 9 oi:ai.i:i: is Doors, Windows, Blinds, Transoms, Lumber. All kiuiN of OAK LUMBER, J GLASS. Boat Material. Etc. g3HEi 1 Boats of all Kinds Made to Order. i...i.itl,Mi,l....,...MIH.....M.MIHMIH.H.H..MM.H f-Orders from a distance promptly attended MISCELLANEOUS. ASTORIA IRON WORKS. Bfntox Strfkt, Nkar Paukkj: House. ASTORIA. - OKEOON. GENERAL MACHINISTS AND ' BOILER MAKERS. LANDiMARIMEi(lli Boiler Work, Steamboat Work. and Cannery Work a specialty. CASTINGS. Or all IeerIptIoiiH made to Order at Mil or t Votiec. A. I). Va.'s, 1'rcsldetit. .!.(;. Hu.sti.kr, Secretary. I. AY. Cask, Treasurer. John Fox, Superintendent. S. ARNDT & FEROHEN, ASTORIA. - OKh'COX. The Pioneer Machine Shop RI.ACKSMIT11 SHOP A N i ' --v r i Boiler Shop '"aQ All kinds or ENGINE, CANNERY, AND STEAMBOAT WORK Promptly attended to. A specialty made or repairing CANNERY DIES, FOOT OF LAFAYETTE STREET. WILLIAM EDGAR, Corner Main and Chenamua Streets, ASTORIA OREGON DEALER U CIGARS AND TOBACCO. The Celebrated JOSEPH RODCERS fc SONS GENUINE ENGLISH CUTLERY AND THE GENUINE W0STENH0LM and other English Cutlery. STATIOKERYI FAIRCHILD'S GOLD PENS Genuine Meershaum Pipes, etc. A One stock of WatrhoN and .lewelry. 31uxzle anl Breech Loading Shot Guun and Rifles, Kevolvers. PIkIoIh. and AiBHtiinltion MAKixK GfiAK8K.S ALHO a fink Assortment of fine SPECTACLES and EYE (JIjASSES. 1 For Sale. QAQ ACRES TIMBER LA.NO in T. 1 X, sonable ; terms nvh. ww i . esi. unit s ;ood ; price rea- J. O. BOZORTlf. Real Estate Agent. 73 M'iHy ,mmmw:i -. ""'"'TTy TTTT7?" ManMiMMMi TUHNINCi AXI Bracket Work A SPECfALTY. lo, and satisfaction guaranteed In all eases. BUSINESS CARDS. E. HOLDKX,. NOTARY PUBLIC, AurnoNP.Mi, coiiinssioN and sui:anck aoknt. TXK. J. V.. NHAFTBK PHYSICIAV and SCTUIC9X'.' (OEirrSCHEJI AB2T.) j lixea4e.H orthu Threat a Specialty, Ofllee over Coun's Drug Stoie. T O. CUZORTB, l'. S. CotuuiLsHioBer, Sfstarjr riHc, a4l In8nraaee aktmI. Agent lor the HaruburE-BreiaenFlre Ina-Co. of llumburr, (Jermany. and ot the Trav elers' IJfe and Aecidetit Ins. Co., or Matt ford. Conn. jrsronice iti Pytlilan Building. Roona U. Ii.', f KIM F. PARKEE. SURVEYOR OF Clatsop CouBtytaad Citx af AsUrU Offlee :-Chenamus street, Y.M.C. A. ball Iloom Xo. 8. XI . WIXTOJT, Attorney and Counselor at Law. jtB-Offlce in Pythian Bulldbitf. Roo9 U, r2. ASTOKTA. --- - OBEOOiS'- JAY TUTTIE, X. I. PHYSICIAN AUD SUBQEON, Office Over the "White House Store. Ke.sidf.kck Over Elberson's Bakery, oj- i pobiic tianu ci iiiyent ouioou. A.'" lirLTOX. M. D. FliyMlelaa anl Hurzemu. OFFICE Over A. V. Allea3 grocerr store, Rooms, at the Tarter Hoc.se, Xjl 1. IIK.'KH, PENTIST, ASTOPJA, - - - OtlEOOM llnniim In Allen V Tiiiltillnir nn afalm mmr I of Cass and Sqeraoeqhe streets. T K. 1-aFOKCE, DENTIST Dental Roomh ever Cae' Store Chenamas Street. - - Astoira, QregOB. j Q. A. BOWLBY. ATTORNEY AT LAYi. Chenamus Street. - ASTORIA. OHEOOIN G. A. STINSON & CO., BLACKSMITH1NG, At Capt. Rogers old stand, corner of Cjkss andiCourt Streets-. Ship and Cannery work, Horseshoeioc. Wagons made and repaired. Good 'work guaranteed. 1MtIX.OZtXZTGK j Cleaning ZJlepairmg. I I NEAT. CHEAP AND QUICK, BY i . I KOKK JLOVRTT. j " stre't- opposite N. Iieb's. . ' ouu luwua, I of Liver We will pay the above reward for any ea V. ..ill r. Comnlaint. DysDeDsia. ; Sick ache, ImilRestion, Constipation or Costive- ness we innot cure with West's Vezetable Liver Pills, when ithe directloas are strletly compiled with. They are purely Vegetable, and never fail to give satisfaction. Sugar coated. Larce boxes, containintr naPlila o.i cents. For sale by &!! Druggists. Beware o( cuuuiruriis uuu liiuinvions. Hie genuine manufactured only by John C. West & Co.. "The Pill Maker," 181 and 1S3W. Madison si., umcago. Free trial package sent by SJP'LPjyP1 onreeeipt of a 3 cent sraw. W. E. Dement, agent.