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About The Daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 18, 1882)
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Astoria, Oregon, Wednesday Morning, October 18, 1882.
spl-1 Jr JJ Jv JW 1 1'
,-,.,. , , ii I
ii&in brinss out the umbrellas. i
This may not be a very profound
observation, but it compares
favorably with the proverb that
night brings out the stars, both
in profundity and originality.
Yesterdav beimr, a rainv day in
this city and its suburbs, umbrellas
swarmed in the streets and drip
ped all over people in the street
cars. Most of these umbrellas
werp comparatively new, and the
fact suggests the questien: What
becomes of old umbrellas?
There are at present iti this
country at least twenty-four mil
lions of private umbrellas, exclu
sive of those remaining unsold in
manufactories and shops. Each
umbrella-owner buys at least one
umbrella every year, his previous
one having been stolen, lofet cr
worn out. "We thus see that there
isan annual apparent disappearance
of twenty million umbrellas, and
the moment we fully comprehend
this fact, we perceive the import
ance of the questien: What be
comes of these umbrellas?
We may admit that many of
them are stolen. Men who would
not steal a one-cent postage stamp
will, nevertheless, feel no hesita
tion in seizing upon any umbrella
that is temporarily separated from
its owner and in carrying it olT in
triumph. About one-sixth of the
title" to all umbrellas now in active
use is probably of this semi-feloni-'ous
nature. There is said to be a
rich umbrella-seller in this city
whose stock costs him absolutely
nothing, since it is collected by
playing upon the consciences of
his fellow-men. He walks along
Broadway, and when he sees a
desirable umbrella he stops the
man who is carrying it and re
marks : " Excuse me , my
friend, but you have my umbrella."
At least every fourth man thus
stopped knows that his title to the
umbrella in his possession will
not endure investigation, and so
he. hastily -surrenders the umbrella,
remarking as he does se: "I was
looking for an owner for it, and
intended to send it to police head
quarters this afternoon.5' On
every overcast or threatening day
this ingenious collector who is
always followed by a boy with a
hand-cart gathers in from seventy-five
to one hundred umbiellas,
which he afterwards sells nt usual
But, conceding that one-bixth
of our active umbrellas are stolen
or sold for the second time, there
still remains eighteen millions" of
umbrellas whose annual disappear
ance is to be accounted for. Let
us assume that of this number
two millions are furnished with
new covers and a fresh coat of
varnish, and so re-enter into circu
lation as new umbrellas. Still
there are sixteen millions more
which vanish utterly from the face
of the earth.
In the case of the disappear
ance of pins a familiar subject
which has occupied, for many
years, the attention of our statisti
cians and other scientific persons
it is easy to say that their
small size enables them to suc
cessfully conceal themselves. Old
umbrellas have not this advantage.
Next to the hoop-skirt, an old
umbrella is the most obtrusive
thing in nature. Not only does it
refuse to conceal itself, but it at
tacks every one who come within
its reach, and clings desperately to
his legs and garments. Its ribs
protude in ail directions, like
the tentacles of the octopus, and
no amount of force or ingenuity
can compress it into a small space.
To get rid of an old umbrella will
be seen, on reflection, to be ap-
I parently one of the most abstruse j
and difficult of problems. I
.. . .. l . ,,i
14- i mn ArfnMiPhn1 1 .nl - rl
11 I" Uii U.UllILOlU 14. Utllb Will
umbrellas are not kept in houses.
The housewife when questioned as!
to what has become of an given
old umbrella will always reply
vaguely: "Oh, it has been thrown
away.' Of course this cannot be
understood literally. If sixteen
millions of old umbrellas were
thrown into the street ever' year
they would be blown about in
clouds much thicker than the ordi
nrny city dust cloud, arid there
would not be a horse or pedestrian
in existence who had not sustained
injuries from old umbrella ribs.
When the housewife "throws
.away" an umbrella it unquestion
ably vanishes, but what she calls
"throwing away" is obviously a
peculiar and mysterious act.
Hast' thinkers may assume that
old umbrellas are cast out into va
cant lots, where they are promptly
devoured by goats. This may
seem a plausible theory to any one
but a zoologist. The latter knows,
however, that while the goat may
be roughly described as an omniv
orous animal he is not umbrelliver
ous. Undoubtedly goats do eat
hoop-skirts, and in the days when
hoop-skirts were fashionable,
thousands of goats were fattened
upon them exclusively. The um
brella has so many of the the char
acteristics of the hoop-skirt" that
one would naturally suppose that
it would tempt the appetites of
goats, but it is a well-ascertained
fact that for some unexplained rea
son no goat will touch an umbrella,
except when suffering from starva
tion. Prof. Tyndall kept a goat
seven days without food, and of
fered him an umbrella every day,
but the goat would not touch it un
til the seventh day, when, being
overcome with hunger, he ate
three ribs and part of the handle,
and died two hours later with
symptoms closely resembling those
produced by strychnine. This ex
periment may be regarded as con
clusive, and we must acquit the
goat of all share in causing the
disappearance of umbrellas.
To some extent it is possible that
old umbrellas are used in cheap
restaurants, the ribs being served
up under the name of asparagus,
but only a verv small proportion of
sixteen million umbrellas can be
annually used in this way. Neither
does the occasional use of an um
brella as a club by a vigorous fe
male reformer have any bearing
upon the subject. There is posi
tively no theory which satisfacto
rily accounts for the disappearance
of old umbrellas, and it is the im
perative duty of scientific persons
to invent a theory without further
Truly, we live in a world of
mystery, and no thinking man can
look at his umbrella and ask him
self where it will go when it
is worn out without feeling
that he stands on the shore of an
ocean of unexplored truths. A7.
A New York paper mournfully
says: "Society will come to the
rich. It runs from the poor. My
daughter and son-in-law are on
the run. Do you know, sir, she
has scarcely a whole slocking in her
wardrobe? You wouldn't think it
to see her in the street. She is a
dashing-looking girl, and wears a
8250 sealskin. That and her 300
piano cost 2,920 meals, that they
went without it in order to save
the money for the two purchases:
They went for four years on one
'square' meal per day to raise the
money, and made apologies to
their respective stomachs for the
other two meals per day with
bread and weak tea."
A Lively Time in Prospect.
The Xorthcrn v Pacific are dis
charging men every da, and they
are gravitating toward our city.
which iin well afford to dispr-ne
with their company. llallelt's
own position is a precarious one.
Within the past week his life has
been menaced by a gang of jay-!
hawkers, similar to the inisct cauls'
who murdered his brother in Kan
sas, twelve years arm. He is a man
of high courage, and will obey the
orders of his superior officers, even
if that obedience should cost him
his life. Nobody who has not
worked upon a railroad in process
of construction, can form any ade
ouate ide.l of the number of fugi
tives from justice who flock to a
railroad gnide as an asylum from
arrest, nallett has about twelve
hundred white men under him, of
whom, it may be safely calculated,
three hundred have been in some
penitentiary and at least half as
many more are to-day evading ar
rest. The scene of operations is
in a. frontier country, where it is
almost impossible to enforce the
laws. Half a dozen murders have,
been perpetrated already, and
there are several others, perhaps,
which have not been dragged to
A quality of California redwood
is its ready absorption of water
when heated, .which for a time
makes it almost lire-proof. The
quickness with which fires are ex
tinguished in San Francisco has
often been lemarked, and the
celerity with which blazing build
ings are often transformed into
charred remnants is irenerally
facilitated to the entire lack of the
resinous element in the redwood
lumber. Resin, familiarly known
as "pitch." is not only highly in
flammable, but is insoluble in
water and will burn while being
drenched with the element, with
which it will not mix. At a recent
fire in that city the advantage of
redwood over othor lumber in the
construction of buildings became
apparent. The moment water
struck the sid of the building or
roof timbers it not only quenched
the flames, but the wood absorbed
water as u sponge would, and it
There was .a $10,000 lire at
Freeport, Ill. and the editor of I
one of the local papers, all tremb
ling with excitement of so much
news, wrote that "Flame's firev
fingers was insolently shaken in
the very face of the fire depart
ment." The other editor was
satisfied with saying, "Gone to
Capt. Jacob Schmidt, of Tomp
kinsville, Staten Island, New York,
suffered with rheumatism for many
years. He used St. Jacobs Oil
with splendid effect, and adopted
it as a family medicine.
In the Whole HlHtery or ZHerileiuc
No preparation has ever performed
such marvelous cures, or maintained .so
wide a reputation, as Aykii's I'heruy
Pi:ctop.ai which is recognized as the
world's remedy for all diseases of the
throat and lungs. Its long-continued
series of wonderful cures in ail climates
has made it universally known as a safe
and reliable agent to employ. Against
ordinary colds which are the forerun
ners of more serious disorders, it acts
speedily and surelj', alwavs relieving
suffering, and often saving life. The
protection it r. lords, by its timely use in
throat and :-hest disorders, make.- it an
invaluable remedy to be kept alwavs on
hand in every home. No perori can
afford to be without it, and those who
have once used it never will. From
their knowledge of its composition and
effects, physicians use the Cheup.y
Pj:ctoi:at, extensively in their practice;
and clergymen recommend it. It is
absolutely certain in its remedial effects,
and will always cure where cures are
KOK MAI.K KY ALL DKALKP.s.
Satisfaction for Ten.
In our family of ten for over two
years Parker's Ginger Tonic has cured
headache, malaria and othor com
plaints so satisfactorily that wc are in
excellont health and no exnenso for
doctors or othermedicineB. Chronicle.
Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago,
Backache, Soreness of iho Chest,
Gout, Quinsy, Sore Throat, Swell
ings and Sprains, Burns and
Scads, General Bodily
Tooth, Ear and Headache, Frostsd
Feet and Ears, and all other
Pains and Aches.
Ko Preparation on earth cqc&ls Sr. J com Oil
a safc,sttrr, simple end eheap Extern!
Vmt&j. A tria' ent&ili but th comparatively
trifling outlay of 50 fonli, nnil erery ono suffer
ing with ria can Inro cuesp wnl poiltiTd proof
of its claims.
Directions in Eleven Lansnagei.
BOLD BY ALLDRUG&I8T8 1KB DEALERS
A. VOGZXER & CO.,
Baltimore, XW., U. S. A.
Bill Nye, the Boomerang ranger
of the J?ocky mountains, writes:
"One summer in these mountains
will make a pickpocket feel almost
noble. William II. Tell was made
grander, braver and 's:sycr"5 for
living in the Alps or Black Hills
or wherever it was that he lived.
If he had lived on the low flats
and cranberry marshes of Southern
Europe, he would have been a hen
pirate or Bedouin beggar. As it
was he braced up and knocked the
thraldom of Switzerland so high
that you couldn't get three cents'
worth of thraldom there now if
you 'begged for it."
Gents: AIkmU nine years :ij:o I h.ul a
child two years old and almost dead. 'I he
doctor I had attending her cmiM no? iMl
what allod her. 1 n.ked him If In Ht5 . t.t
think It was worms. Jfe. said m. t :.. -ever,
this did not satisfy me, n- I iv.: . un
vlnccd in my own mind that she h: d. I
obtained a bottle of IK. v. .Uci. m:.
I jrnvo her :i tcapoonfnl in the iiirii2nz
nn'dunotheratnlghtiUcrwhh Ii -he pa Tit
seventy-two worms and was a weU 1 5nW.
Since then I have never heeii-vifl.. in it
In my uinily. The health of my rh I U n
roiDHiued mj cood that 1 had i.t !
watching their actions until aU tit if
weeks auo, when two of them rn -cti!-l
the same sickly appearance tha: la: ny j
did nine years ago. So I ilinulu u imit j
be worms. :ma went lo work ni oik u Km
a little or I)K. C. Mel.AXIi'S i.mti
KUGE between lour of my children, U. ir
ages liciu as follews: Alice, K e.irs; ( l..ir
ley, lyear-.; Emnm,Gyeari; Juhu.itear..
Now comes the ieulr: Ahiv and Kmum
eHincoutall i ight.hut Charlej S'-ived for! -Ave
and Johnny nbotit sixt vorm. I'l.e
result wns so uratlfyh.jj that ! speM Iv.o
days In showing the wonderful cil'ect of
your Veimifuxc around I'tica. rml mw
hnve the worms on exhihition In my!o:v.
Your truly, JOHN PIPKIt.
The uenuiue 1:. C -iILAX;r. YKIi
IIFUJK is maiiiifacSuretl only by
Fleming Bros.. Pittsburgh, Pa.,
and )ear the signatures of C. ?lcLano
and Flfinhitf Ilros. It i never made lit
St. I..JH1- or Wheeling.
IV Miruyoii pet tlic genuine Price. -3
rent . tiollle.
riJDIIXti UROS., rUtshnr-h, la.
Tho truo antidoto to the effect; of uiiaMim
U Hostcttcr'a Stomach Ditten. "'his uiedi
eino is ono of tho most popular remedies of
nn ago of. pnccc5sful nroprictnr' specifics,
and i in imnaenso demand vrherorcr on
this Continent fever and aguo cxuU. A
wincslossful threo times a day i- tho best
possible pioparatiro for oncounterinc a ma
Iarious atmosphere, regolatins tho liver, and
invioorating the Momach.
For ?alo by all Drunists and Dealers
if" CEUMATE0 tA
ROSCOE'S FIRST CLASS
Oyster Saloon, 1J
rUr.V vMUs STKKKT. ASTORIA.
LTt'DERSinXEIi IS PLEASED TO
inouitce to l hi publie that lit ha op-
Vi.d furnihe-. in l!t"t-elastsl
o.sti:i;. hot coffee" tea. irrc.
Ladies' and Gent's Oyster Saloon,
Please ive mt a mil.
A. M. JOHNSON & Co.,
Sliip Clianfe ail Grocers.
ICoj(s tnul 'orln' nt'till Icintls.
llloeli.. Pnfcnl :mI JIH Inline or
Tin cniiiur LccsonS Scololi
Salmon nvi Twine..
3(i'2ii:iiI Twines: Camas, nil
Xo'.s: 4'opprrTipiiefI Ours'.
Tin best uortinent f
Tii Rc( COra:iS and TEAS.
Try onrllolfose Raking Powder
Positively the be.t ever made.
orall kind put up by best Packers.
RieliardAOit's and Rnhbin's Canned Good.
Term Cash. Profits Small.
BtfT.lYi: l? A CALL'S
13. H. FKANKLIN,
Corr.er Cass and Siptenioqhe streets,
ASTOPJA, ---- OREGON
A. Van Dusen- & Co.
Vyri.i jmlnpkct; plia tali, thk
attention or tin- Piilille to the raet that
tlie are Agents lor the followinjj sewing
iiKiehiuo. vi :
The Eiii im'omI Singer,
Ami The KMrldfjc,
Which tiiev are sin from S3.T. to S3U.
feJi unit defy Competition.
PerMHi". wih:ii to pureiiase nm.-liliies
-hoiilit eall and hHpcet our stock K'forti pur
elKisintf i-Newheiv. as ue guarantee tome
perfect s.itii:nilnn as regards quality and
Delinquent Gity Taxes.
XroTU'E IS ItKUIIP.Y GIVKX THAT I,
LI the uuiieiskiucd. Chief of Police, haw
been furuLslied with :i w:irrant from tlie city
council requiring me to collect the taxes as
seseil for the year ISSi and now delinquent
upon the li,t. and make return of the same
willdnsiuydavs. All parties so indebted
will therefore picas- take notice and gowrn
Chief of Police.
Atoria. Oregon. September 19. 1SS2.
NO TOOLTSHNESS !
MUST MAKE ROOM !
1 am about loh-aw for San Francisco with
the intention of bringing up the
lim-sl stock of
Solid CoIl ant Silverware.
Kver olfered lo tiie AstoiLi public, and offer
for sale at cMreinelv low prices the whole, of
my prCMMit stock. This U a bona fide offer.
Solid gold Watches. Chains, l.racelets. Ear
lting-. Pin-. ctc..ui manufaclurers prices.
it. f. si i: e. c. s. p.i:ovn
Wiiere von wtil lind all tho .standard works
f the d.i ,:imt a constantly changing
M(s-k of novlties and laney
articles: we keep the
best assortment ef
in " the
Sheet Music, Bijou
terie, & Celluloid
Goods, etc., etc.
D F. STEVENS & CO,
w r 5 lo5 S2 8W5S
r- L o i OJKLJ v -n " r CD
o o L J
hi - $am2 z o sO Sc
" -s rn m x - "s i p
:vJ r c a a
o jk p P;
! WILLIAM HOWE
Doors, Windows, Blinds, Transoms, Lumber.
All kiuiN of
OAK LUMBER, J
Boat Material. Etc.
1 Boats of all Kinds Made to Order.
f-Orders from a distance promptly attended
ASTORIA IRON WORKS.
Bfntox Strfkt, Nkar Paukkj: House.
ASTORIA. - OKEOON.
GENERAL MACHINISTS AND
' BOILER MAKERS.
Boiler Work, Steamboat Work.
and Cannery Work a specialty.
Or all IeerIptIoiiH made to Order
at Mil or t Votiec.
A. I). Va.'s, 1'rcsldetit.
.!.(;. Hu.sti.kr, Secretary.
I. AY. Cask, Treasurer.
John Fox, Superintendent.
S. ARNDT & FEROHEN,
ASTORIA. - OKh'COX.
The Pioneer Machine Shop
A N i '
Boiler Shop '"aQ
All kinds or
Promptly attended to.
A specialty made or repairing
FOOT OF LAFAYETTE STREET.
Corner Main and Chenamua Streets,
CIGARS AND TOBACCO.
JOSEPH RODCERS fc SONS
GENUINE ENGLISH CUTLERY
AND THE GENUINE W0STENH0LM
and other English Cutlery.
FAIRCHILD'S GOLD PENS
Genuine Meershaum Pipes, etc.
A One stock of
WatrhoN and .lewelry. 31uxzle anl
Breech Loading Shot Guun and
Rifles, Kevolvers. PIkIoIh.
ALHO a fink
Assortment of fine SPECTACLES and EYE
QAQ ACRES TIMBER LA.NO in T. 1 X,
sonable ; terms nvh.
ww i . esi. unit s
;ood ; price rea-
J. O. BOZORTlf.
Real Estate Agent.
lo, and satisfaction guaranteed In all eases.
AurnoNP.Mi, coiiinssioN and
TXK. J. V.. NHAFTBK
PHYSICIAV and SCTUIC9X'.'
j lixea4e.H orthu Threat a Specialty,
Ofllee over Coun's Drug Stoie.
T O. CUZORTB,
l'. S. CotuuiLsHioBer, Sfstarjr riHc, a4l
Agent lor the HaruburE-BreiaenFlre Ina-Co.
of llumburr, (Jermany. and ot the Trav
elers' IJfe and Aecidetit Ins. Co., or Matt
jrsronice iti Pytlilan Building. Roona U. Ii.',
f KIM F. PARKEE.
Clatsop CouBtytaad Citx af AsUrU
Offlee :-Chenamus street, Y.M.C. A. ball
Iloom Xo. 8.
XI . WIXTOJT,
Attorney and Counselor at Law.
jtB-Offlce in Pythian Bulldbitf. Roo9 U, r2.
ASTOKTA. --- - OBEOOiS'-
JAY TUTTIE, X. I.
PHYSICIAN AUD SUBQEON,
Office Over the "White House Store.
Ke.sidf.kck Over Elberson's Bakery, oj-
i pobiic tianu ci iiiyent ouioou.
lirLTOX. M. D.
FliyMlelaa anl Hurzemu.
OFFICE Over A. V. Allea3 grocerr store,
Rooms, at the Tarter Hoc.se,
Xjl 1. IIK.'KH,
ASTOPJA, - - - OtlEOOM
llnniim In Allen V Tiiiltillnir nn afalm mmr
I of Cass and Sqeraoeqhe streets.
T K. 1-aFOKCE,
Dental Roomh ever Cae' Store
Chenamas Street. - - Astoira, QregOB.
j Q. A. BOWLBY.
ATTORNEY AT LAYi.
Chenamus Street. - ASTORIA. OHEOOIN
G. A. STINSON & CO.,
At Capt. Rogers old stand, corner of Cjkss
Ship and Cannery work, Horseshoeioc.
Wagons made and repaired. Good 'work
j Cleaning ZJlepairmg.
I NEAT. CHEAP AND QUICK, BY
I KOKK JLOVRTT.
j " stre't- opposite N. Iieb's.
I of Liver
We will pay the above reward for any ea
V. ..ill r.
Comnlaint. DysDeDsia. ;
ache, ImilRestion, Constipation or Costive-
ness we innot cure with West's Vezetable
Liver Pills, when ithe directloas are strletly
compiled with. They are purely Vegetable,
and never fail to give satisfaction. Sugar
coated. Larce boxes, containintr naPlila o.i
cents. For sale by &!! Druggists. Beware o(
cuuuiruriis uuu liiuinvions. Hie genuine
manufactured only by John C. West & Co..
"The Pill Maker," 181 and 1S3W. Madison
si., umcago. Free trial package sent by
SJP'LPjyP1 onreeeipt of a 3 cent sraw.
W. E. Dement, agent.