I? IB give JiHtlB ;Ai3un;&nk i ASTORIA, OUEGON: SATURDAY DEC. -4. 1SS1 ISSUED EVERY MORNING. (Monday Excepted). J. P. HAT.LORAN & COMPANY. PuijLi.snr.iw and rnoririKTOits. Asirnan Building., Cass Street. Terms of Subscription : aetreil by Carrier, por week... ...23 Cents 'ont by nail. fournionthH...................' 00 Sent by mail, cue j-ear. ................... 3 00 free- of Postage to Subscriber. r- Advemsomcnts msertod by the year at the rnte of SI 50 per square por month. .ransient advertising, by the day or week, afty conta per squaro for each insertion. theJcity. Thk Daily astoiuajc will lc t-ad by mnUat75ecnl a month, frccofjxtflagc. Head' crii who contemplate ah t owe from the city can nave Thk Astokian" follow them. Daily or Weekly rdltion to any pol-nlf,ce with' out additional expense. Adrtrctpcs may he crintnied a oftm a dfuircd. Leave order at thr coimttna room. Christmas eve. -There are six vessels outside. -The Columbia is still inside the bar. What are you goin to yet for the little folks? If you want to look funny, get one of Adler's maslc. Yesterday was a bad day to more household Lires and Penates. Fresh candy every day at the As toria candy factory. Steamer day; State of California in, Oregon down, Columbia out. Bon-Dons and Xmas tree hangings as cheap as dirt at the City book store' If you have not signed that railroad petition call in at either of the drug stores and sign it. Air. .John lingers of the Central Mar ket, has made arrangements to keep all the finest fresh fish, etc.. in their season Seven-eighths of Oregon's 13,889, 000 bushels of wheat for 1881 were raised in the Willamette valley. Christmas tree ornaments, candies and nuts at Adlcr s. Harper's Bazaar makes the sur prising statement that "plump girls are no longer popular." Since when? The X. P. 11. R. is obliged to use snow plows on the Spokan divis ion, the snow being from two to three feet deep in that section. licmember everything very cheap at Adler's to-dav. 'Tis said that the only reason that Georgia declines to have a "Colonel's dayrt is that it wouid be impossible to accommodate 275,000 men at one time. Selig's stock of holiday goods aro to be sold without lcserve." You inusn't forget this. To-day we may swallow the fish bone, And dance in a vortex of sorrow; But the drum stick, and stuffing and j rvis1i-hnnp- ell wco with keen rapture to-morrow. D'ye mind that now? For your mamma; some of that rich majolica ware at Adler's. Hon. Geo. S. Downing, of Mari on, who is no relation to Major Jack Downing, who wrote "Thirty Years out of the U. S. Senate' is cheered by the Oregon Statesman tor killing a o52 pound hog. We will open a new lot of books and other goods at the City bookstore to-day. Don't fail to examine them. There is considerable discussion in the up-country papers as to who wrote "Louis X," now being played by Sheridan. If the gutlty party lives in Astoria he may as well come for ward and confess it. Buy some of that nice silverware at Adler's It cost the Government $200,000, 000 to run the country the last fiscal year, or rather it cost the country that much to run tho Government. The receipts during the same time were $300,000,000. Uncle Sam is just $100,000,000 ahead. Xow comes the last day; if you haven't been at the City book store you ought to call at once. The Seattle Chronicle has a pow erful editorial in the issue of the 19tli inst. on the "Present Congress." fhe fact that the same editorial ap peared in the St. I,ouis Globe-Democrat of the 8th inst., in no way affects the validity of the Chronicle's argu ments. Beinc still overstocked Adlcr has marked everything down to bottom prices; bound to sell. The Seattlo Chronicle says that the tug-boat Tacoma, after all the talk to the contrary, is not lo be taken around to the Columbia river. Had she come here it would have added about two feet to the depth of water on the bar. As it is we can only put our'trust in Providence and Congress. rvtice. As c aie about to complete our last contract, we desire to announce that we are now in readiness to immediately erect any kind of buildings. Uaxex Bros., Astoria. Auction To-Iay! Thankful for the liberal patronage al ready received, I beg to announce my closing out auction sale of toys and use ful Christmas gifts, to corn menco this day at 10 a. m- and again at2i50 r. M. E. C. Hoi-dux, Auctioneer. Christina Turkey. Call at Central Market for the best of turkeys, geese, chickens, fruits and. vegetables, etc., for Christmas and New Year. John Kogers. -The following is self-explanatory: Portland, Dec. 19, 1881. To fiescue Jubilee Treupe: Will be on hand for the masquerade with the best quadrille band in the city. J. JL Jioos. P.JS This quadrille band consists of violin, cornet, clarionet and piano. Luuxicau. i Private Henry H. Franklin, Com- panyL, First Cavalry, acting assistant j hospital steward, third class, has been tried at Fort Walla Walla, W. T., by general court-martial for conduct prejudicial to good order and military discipline; the allegation being that he wrote and sent to the editor for pub lication in the New York Witness, of July 28th last, a letter advising all re spectable young men to keep out of the army, as it is a world of iniquity, sproading vice and crime all around it, that the men arc deep in depravity, vice, degradation and shame; that, every precaution is takci to hinder men from attending divine service, the chaplains being worthless men, and that the whole army was rotten to the core. He was found guilty and sen tenced by the court to confinement at hard labor iu charge of the guard for seven months, and forfeiture of 810 per mouth for the same period. Gen eral Miles, commanding the depart ment of the Columbia, approved the sentence and directed that it be duly executed. For handsome, holiday present, such as toilet cases, cologne sets, per fumery eases, fine soaps, elc, go to Conns drug store, opposite Occident Hotel. Buy some of those nice books at Adler, just the thing for a present. The carcass of a fat beef at War ren & Eaton's, weighing 1,039 pounds, shows what the grass of this county will produce. Fine assortment nuts and candies at the Astoria Candy Factory. The Christmas tree of the Pres byterian Sunday school iu the church, this evening, at f:30. Come and bring the children. Another of those fine A. 1. ("niisc organs at the City Book Store. The Gatesvillc Sun has a new editor. He savs he enters on his duties with "an imperious conscious ness of a personal committal to the high moral responsibilities incident to a position recognized by intelligence and morality as a representative and formative entity, molding and vitaliz ing the intelligent constituency who perpetuate by prerogative its exist- It don't matter what you want for a Christmas or New Year present, von will find it at Adler's. A prominent insurance company has a rule, says the Cincinnati Price Current, that if a party has been once burned out, it will take a risk for him, upon tho ground that one fire is a probability for even the best of men Whore a partv has been twice burned it will not insure him at any price, on the ground that the man ir either careless, unlucky, has enemies, or is dishonest. Those writing desks at the City book .store are the best iu the city. They are something nice and durable, and" just what most young ladies would appreci ate from the giver, In the present Canadian parlia ment the French delegation insist every year upon having the official journal of the day printed in French as well as English. Parties desirous of annexing Canada would do well to make a note of that. Fancy reading a French version of the Congressional Globe. J. Proctor Knott's famous Duluth speech in French, for instance. It would be almost :is good as "The Jumping Frog of Calaveras county." There are a lew more chances left yet to win one of those lovelv dolls which are to be raffied at Mrs. Derbv's, Xew Years eve. The proposition that delegates from Alaska be admitted has caused some inquiries touching the popula tion there. Professor Elliott, of the Smithsonian Institute, xuts tho popu lation at 30,000, of which 400 are whites, 1,700 Russian half-breeds and the remainder Indians. Prospecting for minerals has not indicated any great value. The timber will be very valuable in time, also the fisheries, when developed. The fur trade is the only means of livelihood of the people. The Government revenue from the fur trade was $317,000. aiaaks! lask.st! Co to Adler's and-get you u mask, lie has all kinds and all 'sizes for voung and old. Lost. A bunch of four small kevs. The finder will please leave them at this ofiie. The Scandinavian Ball. The ball tat Liberty ITall last Thursday night was a success in every sense of the word. The clouds tint had hung low all day cleared oil', and a bright starlit night gave the young folks opportunity to gather. Dancing commenced at 9 aud after a fine sup per, was renewed till J3:30 a. i . Every thing passed oil" pleasantly and the occasion was one of agreeable remem brance to all who participated. At the Catholic church on Christ mas, mass will bo said at .:w0. 8:00 and 10:00 a. m. Inktsmds to suit everybody, in larire ' at Aiiicr s. A letter from San Diego, Ca!., tells us there is "just enough rain to lay the dust." Here, too. -('has. .Stevens and Sou haea stork of mouldings and moulders tools which can be bought cheap for cash to close en: that branch of the business. There will be a Christinas tree for the Sunday school at the Episcopal church, at seven o'clock this evening. For the genuine J. II. Culler old Bourbon, and the best of wines, liquors aud San Francisco beer, call at theCem, opposite the bell tower, and .see Camp bell. Christmas scrvico at the Episco pal church on Sunday, at 11 o'clock a. m., Hew Mr. Sellwood ofliciating. Holy communion will be adminis tered. Xmas, New Year's, and birth-day cauls, the finest ever in the city, at the City Book Store. J. Devlin has begun the manu facture of cans for the coming season, having received 1,000 boxes of tin by the Annie Main and 1,500 by the Merwanjee Framjec. Toys regardless of cod to-da at Adler's; bound lo get rid of them. . Mr. Skinner tells that he has put up a mail box on the northwest corner of West 8th and Water streets for all up-river mail. o mail should be put in the box other than iip-rive mail. Selig's stock has arrived and his Auction Bazaar is a success. lie is just slaughtering goods. Co and ee them.- The children and friends of the Presbyterian Sunday school are ex pected to be at the church at G:30 this evening, to witness the Christmas ex ercises. A committee of ladies will bu at the church this morning at 10 o'clock, to icceivo and arrange such presents as are designed for the tree. The City Book Store has on exhibi tion one of the finest selection of holiday goods eve opened. Call and examine lor yourselves. Mayor Thompson, growing tired of the prolonged delay ol the steamer at Astoria, returned home yestcrdaj'. He has probably improved his time by taking notes concerning the Columbia river bar, and will enter into the spirit of his mission with increased vigor if he ever succeeds in getting to Wash ington. The council have an oppor tunity of giving him another send-off. Standard, Dec. 2Sd. The third annual masquerade of the Rescue Jubilee Troupe, at Liberty hall ue oiu, win oe conuucicu as Hereto fore. These parties aro tin best con ducted and mo.st cnjovableof anything during the year. Jack McDonald, the deserter from the ship Harry Morse, who escaped from Constable Geo. II . Ward about six weeks ago by jumping overboard from the -teainer Fleetwood, near Cathlaiuet, and met his death in the chilly waters of the Columbia, arrived hale and hearty by tho Astoria boat last night. Ho said to an Oregonian reporter that he slipped the handcuffs from one wrist, but held his hands in such a position that the removal was not noticed. He is a ' splen lid swim mer and had no fears of drowning. After he got to shore he went to work in a logging camp and iias been to work ever since. He also went to tho Sound. He gives as a reason for jumping overboard that Jim Turk, u ho "had his advance money, refused to buy him a blanket, or an oilskin, or rubber boots, and he would not go to sea without these necessaries, Mc Donald is rather an, intelligent young man and expects to get work hero. Q'cgaian, 23d. Whips, curry-combs, brushes: new steck: first-class goods, cheap for cash. S. ((KAY. A new a,nd specially assorted list of ladies' and gents' masks, all from San Francisco, at very low rates of rent, at 31. D. Kant's, 3rerchant Tailor. I have just received the finest assor. incut of fancv goods in my line ever brought to Astoria, consisting of per fumery cases, toilet sets, toilet cases, line perfumeries, fancy soaps, combs, brushes, hand glasses, and toilet articles of all kinds splendid presents for tho holidays. Call and examine goods and prices before purchasing elsewhere, at .1. V. Conn's .drug store, opposite Occi dent Holel, Astoria. Oregon. Xctv, Sweet Cider To-day. Sold in anv quantity to suit. J. W. Conn. LiPSt. About ten days ago, a fountain pen, rubber holder, "Xo. 2 Paragon." The finder will confer a favor by leaving the same at the Clerk's office. J. O. BOZOKTII. Humor. "Tis interesting to note on reflecting upon the rise and fall of American humor, hovr popular favor changes, and what different conceptions of humor dillerent people hare. Eigh teen years ago the effusions of Artemus Ward and Orpheus C. Kerr, were read and laughed at all over the Unien: now, on reading one of their "funny" essays, it fails to raise a smile. Then came Mark Twain aud the Dan bury Xcws man. and in the last six or eight years a host of lesser humorists have tried their untledged tiight. The Burlington Haivkeyo man seems the only one of late years who possesses the attributes of a true humorist, though M. Quad of the Free Press and Alden of the Xew York Times, have given evidence of true genius in their humorous product-ions. A "genuine humorist cm move his leaders to tears almost as easily as to smiles by his skillful sounding of ihe chords of feeling, the true test of a humorist bo ing the effect the joke has on the mind. If it leaves a taint it is adul terated or spurious. Take for instance the abortivo efforts of "Spoopendyko.'' If the words "dod-gasted," "measly," etc. were eliminated, there would be no more fun about them than there is about a broken wheelbarrow. There is more true humor iu one of Nye's moral essai's in the Boomerang than in twenty volumes of "Spoopendyko." The trouble is with public as well asj private humorists, having acquired a reputation in that lino they feel that to sustain it they must be constantly saying something funny, and the re sult is a good deal like working over old dumps at a mining claim; the tail ings assay very low. As for the smut that sometimes passes for humor, it is like all counterfeit coin; and who ever has it on hand is the loser, for most people refuse to take it. The quietest and most subtle form of humor is that kind which assumes a certain amount of intelligence on tho part of the hearer or reader and gives it due credit by not carrying the matter into detail, but indicating the fun aud let ting the reader or hearer see it for himself. Tin keys, gee. Warren and Eaton' e and chickens a Hot, colli and .shower baths at the Occident hair dressing .saloon, twenty live cents. Hotel Arrivals. omnKST. O P Graham, Geo. P. Wheeler City; I) Crawford, James Harris La Centre; J D Kerr, Ben Sabine Ivuapptou; Miss Lillie Kanouso Bay Centre; Ilobt Miller South Bend; E S Kearney Portland. fAKKKU HOUSK. J M Parrish Portland; G Sold Jr, T Smith Knappa; G W Shivery West port; Wm Hawkins Ilwaco; Geo Wat son Citv; 1 A Johnson Xehalcm; T Wrays'City; J P Miller, L Ohlsen Grays River; F B Faught Sea Side; A F Salisbury Rainier; Frank Sweet Biv View. A lame invoice of parlor, cook .stoves anil ranges at J. A. Montgomery's. Catarrh euretl, health ami sweet breath sceiireil by Slulo's Catarrh Rem edy. Price r0 cotiK Nasal Injector free. For sale by W. K. Dement. Sleepless .Nights, made miserable M.Y mat tniiuii- niiijiiuu .- villi" is Hie remedy for on. Sold b W. 1 De ment. SliiIo" (Vomit and Consumption Cure is sold b Us on guarantee. It cures consumption, Snld by V. K. Pc- lIK'lli. Croup, Whooping Cough and Ilron ehitis immediately relieved by Shilo's Cure. Sold bv W. 1 Dement. Shilo's Vitalizcr is what you need for Constipation. Loss of Appetite, Diz ziness and all symptoms of Dyspepsia. Price 10 and " cents per battle. Sold iiv v. i Dement. Will you suffer with PispcpMa and Liver Complaint aint ? Shilo's vitalizcr is guaranteed to cure you Dement. Sold by W. E. For lame Hack. Side or Chest ue Shilo's Porous Plaster. Price ." cents. For sale by W, F- Dement. That Hacking Cough can be o quickly cured by Shiloh's Cure. We guarantee il. Sold by W. K. Dement. P. .1. Cuodman, on Chenamu.s Mreet. has just received the latest anil most fashionable .style Iwiots, shoes, etc. of gents and ladies 'Cet your legal blanks at Tjik AsTOiilAX office. A full line of over two hundred stjles. The New Testament authorized edition revised, for twonlj-live cenlhat Charles Sicvens and Sons Cit I took store. The Orient I5aths an; far superior to any in the city. Everything new and neat. Chenamus street, opposite Hol der's auction rooms. .Joe (I. Charters, proprieter: Frank Fabre. has oj-sters In every style. Stew and pan roasts a specialty Blanks. Promissory notes, bonds for deed, quit claim deeds, mortgages and warrantv deeds, at this office. BIISCELLAIvEOUS. MAGNUS C. (IR08BT, Dealer in HARD? ABE, IRON, STEEL, iron Pipe and Fittings, PluiBta aiiS Steam Fitters Goods and Tools, SHEET LEAD STRIP LEAD, SHEET IRON TIN AND COPPER, Cannery and Fisiermens Supplies Stoves, Tin Ware and House Furnishing Goods. JOBBING IN SHEET IRON, TIN, COP PER. PLUMBING and STEAM FITTING Done with neatness and dispatch. None but tlrst rhiss workmen em ployed. A lar asMntiwnt of SCALES Constantly on hand O. I.K1XKNWKHKK. A. A. COIIX. KSTAltl.lSHKD 1PC. Leinciiwcber & Cohii, ASTORIA, OREGON, TAMERS AND CURBERS, Manufacturers and Imiortcrsol A LL, KINDS OF X.3LC,EC-E3E1. AXD FINDINGS! Wholesale Dealers In OIL AND TALLOW. B-Hi;liet cash price paid for Hides and Tallow. w is. nsOTjsarT1- ASTOKtA. OKKfJOX DRUGS AND CHEMICALS, Toilet and Fancy Articles, PATENT MEDICINES, ETC. EIre;enptioiis careniHv coinouiuledJat all hours. . t7-Ioineopatliic Tinctures and Pellets, and Humphrey's Sppciflcsalso kept. Stephans Varieties ! GRAND OPENING. A MVKI.Y KXTEUTAIX2IEXT. Hae a new bowling alley, the largest and best in town. Admittance tree. ZVE-ELS- DERBY, nri.Ki: i.v New and Choice MILLINERY, Desires to call the attention of the I-ulies of Astoria to the fact that she has received a larue asortniont of the LATEST STYIjKK OF Hats, Bonnets. Trimmings, . AMI Corner Main ami Sipienionhe Streets. sgme-.tt .MAKIIS 'V FIKST C1ASH STOCK INTO Harness and Saddles, And will lit ou out in nHlersKIuanil cheap er rates than any other man In Oregon. A full lute of Whips, Curry Combs, etc., on hand. Notice. NOTICK IS HKKK1JY HIVES THAT AX annual meeting of the stockholders of the FLslicrniens Packing Company will bo heal at their ofnee in Coper Astoria, on the tSKh dav ot December, 1&S1, at 0 o'clock a. ai. for the purpose f electing a Iloanl or Direc tors for the ensuhu; year, and such other business as may come before the meeting. Bv order or the l'reslilent. d-tu UEX.T. VOUNfl. Sec. CANNERY FOR SALE. mm-: ItL'IMHXO. PLANT AXD SUT- ollcs of the ltKlTlSII COLUMBIA PACK-NO COMPANY, near New Westmin ster. Fraser ittver. Apply to JAMES FINLAYSON. 318 Front St., S. P -lni Or 1. 1URKKLL, on the premises. School Tax Notice. mO THE TAX PAYERS OF SCHOOL JL District No. l, Clatinp comity, Oregon : Y'oti aro hereby notified that the assessment roll for the school tax in district No. l for the vcar 1SSI. is completed and will be m my )i:mH at inv ofucc at Brown &Co's dock for the next sixty days from date hereof. Pay vour taos m tune ami save costs. J. G. HUSTLER, Clerk of School District No. 1 Astoria, Oregon, Dec. 16, 1SS1. SHIPPING TAGS THE BEST qUALITY, WILL BE SOLD by the hundred, or by the box, printed or r-lain, to suit customers, at The Astorus oSico. C. H. COOPER, GENERAL MERCHANDISE. :s3...s..E.-ss..a...B......i.a3Es-a..s.3ui:sa.i..uii.ii- ::se3a3i:asss2:7:5..3ea.:.:...isg3xaa3-SEuiiainitn9 .I3nElI.33C3Z.B.I..3ElII.!ZCE-S33e:ES32.SSa.ISI3ZIIISS.SIISniaUIHll ! I X L STORE I l2aSSSia3-----S2--.S-C2-E- FOR YOUR r- C M B I S AT iii3E.iiiBa:si:i!zad::si2.!iE323iaiEi3iaxi3::x3.:iiaaiiii33iii33iiC PRESENTS 33::t33-S2-aa-S22.ESE3S3Klll33I3333EIEaa3S-.S!&.&e:3EU131-a3Jau Buy your Children and Friends something that will be of service to them I have received a large consignment of Genuine 0 Which I will sell at wholesale rates. Buyers will save money by purchasing of me. C. E. COOPER, I X L Sto7-e, near Parker House, Astoida. TheBossGoffee and Tea Pot S-n-ja i 5 "2nCrtSSSt ''B-fipJ-Bf ;3kiLisrv BB-iilltJ 33. 1, M A W 33 S, TWO DOOKS EAST OF OCCIDENT, - - ASTORIA, OREGON CHAS. HEILBORN, MANUPACTDREB OF FUBNITUBE 5 BEDDING AND DEALER IN Carpets, Oil Cloth, Wall Paper, Mirrors, Window Shades, Lace Guriains, Picture Frames and Mouldings, VINDOV CORNICES AND CURTAIN POLES Complete in every branch. THE COLUMBIA BREWERY LA&j IS Kl'I'KKIOU TO MOST. AXD I l.M'IM.l.KH BY NONE ON THIS COAST JOHN HAELN, . - PROPKDETOK, OHENAIfiUS STREET, - ASTORIA, OREGON. ec-Orders left at the OEKMANIA BEER HALL will be promptly attended to.-g ASTORIA M. MEYER ASTORIA, SE3E-30Ia-.Xa SrrOTDS5TOE-3--CE!Kra?. REDUCTION OF WHOLESALE PRICES. $7 50 PER BARREL OF 30 GALLONS. LAROE ORDERS IN LIKE PROPORTION. Less Quantities, - - 30 Cents per Gallon Bottled Beer, - - - SI 50 per Dozen es-Spccial attention paid to orders from Public Houses and Familles.-Sm Washington Market, Main Street, - - Astoria Orerov BEBGMAX r- JiEJiliY TESP:CTFULLY CALL THE ATTKN- XL tion of the public to the fact that, tne I aoove JiarKetTriu amaya uu-ujhum.-u.muuh FULL VARIETY BEST QUALITY FRESH AND CURED MEATS ! xxru:.u :n k .i -f wn5 .. Thnee ;;T3.irB:iTir;rt: US SD1C3. ---,. w-u. u..iV.. f. w T M A S ir m. a n. old Jewelry MAY UK HAD OF S.E.RHAWES SOJ.J-: AOEXT" ANo. Aueut for the oelelrted MEDALLION RANGE. BREWERY. Proprietor. OREGOX. VYA5. IS IECIiAKEl WITHOUT FrKTHEJl XOT1CK , And no terns of peace until everj man lo Astoria has a new sui: of clothes HAIK.BY MEAXY. Look at the prices : ' Pants to order from - - -58 00 i Pants, (icuulne French Cassimere - 12 Bo- : Suits from - -- -- -2500. 7"? " "" samples on the coast ta ij.diA?.. MamsirML Mala street, opposite PaxXer House, Astona sS?i 1 fe?u:-j A -"2 fis.,