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About The Daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883 | View Entire Issue (May 4, 1881)
: "-owr-i- ar-ig.-ip- rr J!Sa;7- 5 CI tetetL Astoria, Oregon, Wednesdav Morning, May i 1881, No. 3. Vol. xv. 1 FACTS AND SCRAPS- Mrs. C. A. Evans of Omaha, hus given birth to four child ron at once. Great eavciih. What was it Trovatore? and who did William Tell? And who tied the Huguenots? It was the cranberry jelly on the boys upper lip that gave away the secret oC the lost (t)arts to his mother. Do your best is a good motto, but the trouble is that many peo ple won't even try to do their sec ond best. Bomb-throwing is a business like every thing else and requires long and constant practice. The best plan is to start in on cats. The position of the wickedest man is at present vacant in Chicago. To the right part' a liberal salary will be paid. Brooklyn papers will please copy. Postmaster Tyler, of Baltimore, has been compelled to pay S5000 for kissing, or attempting to kiss, Miss Murray, an employe. lie thinks it an overcharge. The Boston Post has begun to think about soda. Don't drink the wretched hypocritical stuff. If you are a teetotaler from princi ple, drink beer. The entire population of a Texas town turned out to meet :i man and escort him into the place. And yet he didn't fell rejoiced at the honor. They wanted to lynch him. A man in the suburbs of Rainier has found a bed of remarkably fine clay on his property, but is un decided whether to start a brick yard or a French candy factory. Let a man fall into a river and a would-be suicide jump in at the same time, and the chances are seventeen to one that the man who comes along will rescue the suicide and let the other fellow drown. Some men have a faculty of looking on the bright side of things. A Kalama man who was refused by a girl didn't weep over missing a bride, but congratulated himself on escaping a mother-in-law. A new bicycle in London is called the Otto probably because a man Otto know better than to attempt to mount one. The man Otto, who was, of course, an Otto man, or rather a Muscle man, probably wanted, like Mahomet, to go to the mountin'. Although Avoob Khan and Ab durrahman Khan and the Gakwar or something or other are all en gaged in a row at Candahar, the' don't seem to bring matters to a focus. It looks as though Iljalmer Bjornsterne Bjornsen and the Ali koond of Swat would have to be sent for before the trouble is over A young lady entered a church at Rome, New York, Sunday even ing, and pulled her handkerchief from her pocket with a flirt as she walked up the aisle. She after ward sat in a good deal of em barrassment during the service, while a pack of caids, face up, remained strewn about in the aisle. The young man who hammers his thumb nail this spring while putting down carpets, or who is violently caught under the chin by a clothes-line when he goes out in the yard after dusk, should re member that in the revised edit ion of the New Testament the words have been changed to hades, and condemnation. They had been engaged to be married fifteen 3'ears, and still he had not mustored up resolution enough to ask her to name the happy day. One evening he called in a particular spoony frame of ind, and asked her to sing him something tender and touching, something that would "move" him. She sat down at the piano and sang: Darling, I am Growing Old. You must admit, Jim Webster, that you stole those pullets, said the Galveston judge to the culprit. J edge, responded Jim, T don't really believe I stole dem chickens. In tie fust place, Jedge, nobody saw me take 'em. In de next place dey could not be found on my premises, because I had done hid dem chickens under tin- flonh. I can't help belicvin", Jedge, dat I is innocent a u lamb. Topnootly made up his mind to day that he was not going to be bossed any longer by his wife, so when he wont home at noon he stalked in and called out imperi imperi ously: ''-Mrs. Topnoody! Mrs. Top noody!' Mrs. T. came out of the kitchen, with a drop of sweat on her nose, a dish-rag tied around her head and a rolling-pin in her hand. "Well, sir," she said, "what'll you have?"' Topnoody staggered, but braced up. "Mrs. Topnoody, 3 want you to under stand, madam" aud he tapped his breast dramatically "I am the engineer of this establishment!" "Oh, you are, are you? Well, Top noody, I want you to understand that I" and she looked dangerous "am the boiler that will blow up and sling the engineer clear over into the next country. Do you hear the steam escaping, Top noody?" Topnoody heard it, and he meekly inquired if there was any assistance he could render in the housework. A Comer in "Women. Editorial Krotlt. New York Ih-raW. Contrary to expectation and precedent, the new census shows that in this country the ruder sex outnumbers the gentler to the extent of nearly a million. It is to be sincerely hoped that nobod' will .ay: "What are you going to do about it?" for that is mani festly one of the cases in which there is really nothing that can be done except to feel uncomfortable, Cor the condition is not mereby accidental and temporary; it promises to be permanent, for the discouraging misproportion is not simply between adults of the two sexes, but includes the entire population, all the way from ex treme age down to the cradle, and this in spite ot all the Mor mons, and other agencies for the importation of domestic servants have done, to make the balance even. It, therefore, stands to reason that not only is the genious old maid doomed to speedy extinction, but that nearly a million of the young men of America will have to go wifeless, unless each can raise the price of a ticket to Europe and two tickets back. It also becomes quite evi dent that the valuation of women will increase. Any market in which nearly a million competi tors aro sure to get left, in the struggle for something not only desirable, but absolutely neces sary: is threatened with a corner that must be simply gigantic in its proportions. The ladies arc to be congratulated on the prospect; they always were worth more than they brought. Even in the days when they outnumbered men it was agreed that it was impossi ble to have too much of a good thing; now, however, they can ex act their own terms. Instead of submitting to all sorts of incon venience and privation, they can now name their own terms. They need not even endure husbands that drink, smoke or spend several evenings at the lodge, for rather than go wifeless the tyrant man will abate his pretentions and woman will become autocrat. Beaconsfield was rash. Just be fore his illness he was dining out five nights in the week. Too much stuffing for so old a bird. Beecher, in a sermon, aid that baptism is a non-essential ordi nance of the church. Henry is growing liberal enough to suit anybody. The Mormons are receiving many recruits from Europe. The president should hurry the de velopment of his promised raid on the wretched system. The New York project of a Worlds fair in 1883 dies hard. It gave another feeble kick yester day. It is a very weakly bantling, not long for this wicked world. The Boston excursionists have been joined by a lot of Phila delphia tourists, and the combined party are being hurried toward this coast. How they will destroy our strawberries and oranges, and other nice fruits! The Earl of Desart is a luck' fellow. He gets a beautiful young lady for his wife, and her father gives her now 125,000, with a promise of as much more when he dies. Dorsey has been called the savior of Indiana. Gorham was his chief aid in the missionary work. Republican papers should not denounce these men as guilty of complicity in fraud merely be cause some one accuses them. Wait for proof. James Gordon Bennett is hav ing a gay time in Europe. New York gossip has it that he lost heavily at cards during his sojourn at Nice, dropping in one evening 25,000. He is rich enough to be able to amuse himself in that way. Itussel Sago is not ashamed to say that when he was a young man ins wite assisted mm to cam a living, by making collars and cuffs Few of the new rich men have this sort of courage. Iliscock of New York and Kas son, of Iowa, are leading candi dates for speaker of the next house the east against the west. Hiscock is thought to have the best chance of success. There is a little game of shut tlecock and battledore between the two houses of the California legis lature, over Slickeus promises to extend the extra session indefinite ly. Eight dollars a day is evi dently considered pleasant to take. If Senator Miller finds it ncces saty to break the deadlock by bolting the caucus policy, in order to get a vote on the Chinese treat ies, his party will not sustain him very long. Farley was willing to abandon the treaties rather than break away from the democratic obstructive policy. so ( oHivrii Tin: e.iiv. Out f my window 1 watch ili niln, A blank-white wist driven through the jsitc Of the nionntaln-chahut, swept on by a Rrest Replies force, till tlio far hllLs wane And melt from view. Now The pines are iowd. And the oaks' brown liml writhi in the icale: The dark madrono ! growing pale. For the blast has turned I he hidden side Of the Klossy leaves to the storm's wild pride; The white drops are driven aahist the pane So comcth the rain. The eaves are pourins a delude down. The shrubs are bent by the wild white spray. The room Ls in twilight, as If the day "Was shrinking away from the storm-king's frown. Each hollow Ls hidden beneath the flood. Each footprint filled with the rushing drons. And all through the wind-rocked, wild, wet wood The trees are bowing their heavy tops ; The storm beats in at the wlnnow-piuie So f.tllelh the rain. But lo ! In the dbtauce a yellow light rise, KifLs throuqh the clouds. aud the far bills Dividing the ell to the golden skle: And the storm, as one wounded In lib might. Trails northward, aud mutters beneath hK breath. And departs "with the majesty of death The drops still glitter on twig and leaf. Hut a hidden thrush pipes a sweet relief ; The sun shines in at the wiudow-pane So ceasetli the rain. Mj JT. Hawler in California. ICY THE KIVEKMIH- An Arab came lo the riverside With a donkey bearing an olwlisk, But he would not try to ford the tide. For he had too Reed an . Comul Krooks. An exchange publishes an article headed How to Tell a Mad Dog. We have nothing to tell a mad dogr that we cannot communicate by telephone or postal card. SAN FKANQISCO CLOTHING STORE. Biiiis:tiiiE:iii::iassu:ii:uisisiiitiiiiuiiuaiiiuiiuuiuiiiaiiiiuiiiiWlHii I THE NEWS! I 5 S ixciisiissssnKzaiiaisixsxiiitisusuiuiitustutisxiiHictsuciuiiiniiuiiiusujjii - 2 WELCOME TO ALL ! THE FISHING SEASON HAS OPENED AND SO HAS TEE POPULAR SAN FRANCISCO tf j CLOTHING- STORE j ; Opened the largest and best I selected stock of I x-o xng -AND- The country is so quiet aud orderly now that some of the agitators, who make a living out of disorder, are trying to work up a general strike, so as to get the country in a turmoil during the summer. The agitator is one of the variety of nuisances that can never be entirely got rid of. Furnished Koomn. Mra. D. Outran has a few good rooms to let at lcasouablc prices on Cass street, near the Congregational Church. Oar-.. Oar. Oars, eleven feet; caustic soda, gol den lacquer, asphaltum varniah, furni ture varnish, tan baak, etc., in quanti ties to suit at Gito. W. lifMRs. Central Hotel. The Central hotel, near the steam ship dock is now open for the recep tion of guests, where the well known caterer, Mr. Antou Beloh will always be found ready to watt on his patrons. He has had the above named house thoroughly refitted by Messrs. Pike and Stockton, our well known arhsts. Call and see him. as he has the finest brands of liquors and cigars to be had in the city. Gents Furnishing Goods, BOOTS AND SHOES, TRUNKS AND VALISES, HATS AND CAPS, BUSINESS CARDS. j Q. A. BOWLBY. ATTORNEYAT LAW. Chenamus Street. - ASTOKIA. OREGOIs r Y. FUJLTOX. ATTORNEY AT LAW, ASTORIA - OREGON Office over Page & Allen's store, Cass street" CT CJ. HOIiDKX. NOTARY PUBLIC, AUCTIONEER, COMMISSION AND IN SURANCE AGENT. A.VJ AN DUSEN. NOTARY PUBLIC. Cheuamus Street, near Occident Hotel, ASTORIA, OREGON. Agent Wells, Fargo & Co. O P. HICKS. PENTIST, ASTORIA, - OREGON. Rooms In Allen's building up stairs, cornr of Cats and Sqeniocqhe streets. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Graduate University of Virginia, its Physician to Bay View hospital, Baltimore City.l&B-TO. Office In Page & Allen's building, up stairs. Astoria. JAY TUTXLE, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Office Over the "White House Store. Residexck Next door to Mrs. Hanson's boarding house. Chenuiuus street, Astoriy Oregon. -AND THE BEST- GARTER'S CAPE ANN IIMUf tiLOTHI 4 ...... ,.. RUBBER BOOTS, ETC., WHICH WILL BE SOLD AT SAN FRANCISCO WHOLESALE PRICES. REMEMBER THIS IS NO HUMBUG. HAVING MADE ARRANGEMENTS IN NEW YORK AND SAN FRAN CISCO FOR THE PURCHASE OF ALL MY GOODS, MY FACILITIES FOR BUYING ARE SUCH AS TO ENABLE ME TO Undersell all Others. I Defy Competition. T C. ORCHARD. DENTIST, Dental Roobim. B1IU3TF.RS Photograph Building. T A. JlelXTOSII. MERCHANT TAILOR, ' Occident Hotel Building. ASTORIA --- OREGON Q H. BAIN & CO., DEAI.ER IN DoorH. Windows, Blinds, Traa soma, Lumber, Etc. All kinds ot Oak Lumber, Glass, Boat Ma terial, etc. Steam Mill near Weston hotel. Cor. Gd evive and Astor streets. J G. FAIRFOWL & SON, STEVEDORES AND RIGGERS Portland and Astoria, Oregon. Refer by permiwlonto Kozon.Meyera&Cc, Allen & Lewis, Corbitt&Macleay, I'orUand. Oreeon. MISCELLANEOUS. "It is much easier to get into :i quarrel than to get out of it.'' In the year 103 some soldiers of the commonwealth of Modena. ran away with a bucket from a public well belonjrinir to the state of Bologna. This implement might be worth a shilling, but it produced a quarrel which was worked into a long and sanguinary war. Henry, the king of Sardinia, assisted the Modenese to keep possession of the bucket, aud in one of the bat tles he was made prisoner. His father, the emperor, offered a chain of jrold that would encircle Bo loona, which is seven miles in compass, for his sons ransom, but in vain. After twenty-two years imprisonment, he pined away. His monument is now extant in the church of the Dominicans. This fatal bucket is still exhibited in the tower of the cathedral of Modena, inclosed in an iron cage. T. -X7V. C3 0JST 20", Wholesale agent for Uic RED CROWN FLOUH Made by the new juoecv. The best Flour in the market. E ery guaranteed; if not rood a rrnroonted you can return it. Merchants will And it to tnrlr advantage to sell this Hour. BRAN, SHORTS AND CHOP FEED Also for sale. Persons ttMiiiu: Flour or Peed will find me at my new Drug Store, at O. IL & N. Cojs (IOCK. AMOna. J. .VA."N. A Social Experiment New York Sun. The Earl of Zetland has been trying a social experiment on his estate in Scotland which has just ended in failure. He decided some time ago to make the people on his land sober by removing from them all temptations to drink. But the town of Grangeworth is built on his land, and contains 5000 inhabitants, and when he pro ceeded to enforce his views he found that there was a strong pub lic feeling against him. The law, he contended, was on his side; for in his charters there was a restrict ive clause which entitled him to shut up public houses. He ac cordingly sued the publicans on that ground, and he lost his action. Carrying the action to the second division of the court of session, he submitted the new pica that "drunkenness had a prejudical in fluence upon his tenants." But the court decided that, though ho might reasonably prohibit a piece of ground at the corner of his park from being used as a public house, "when one dwelling is multiplied into a 1000 and 5000 people are interested instead of one, the indi vidual interest disappears." Be sides, it was pointed out, he was not enforcing the restriction as a right of property, but in the exer cise of "a benevolent despotism." CATARRH ! HOSE SUFFERING FKOM THIS 1)1! EASE AND WISHING TO BE C TJ R E D, Facts and Figures : GREAT SURPRISE AT THE : : ; ..... a...... ......... .......a...... a ............. i San Francisco Store ! ! IIHLEXHART & SCHOEXE. Occident Hotel Hair Dressing Saloon ASTORIA - OREGON. Hot, Cold, Skou-er, Steam and Salphar BATHS. "Special attention given to ladles' and children's hair cutting. Prirate Entrance for Ladles. n WHIIA31 FRY, PRACTICAL BOOT AN SHOE MAKER. Ciien-ajics Strkkt, opposite Adlert Book store, - Astoria, Okeqok. S Perfect fits guaranteed. All -work warranted. Give me a trial. All orders promptly filled. . XT. L. M'CABK, Astoria. J. A. BBOWIT Portland. 13BOWX &. 31cOABE, STEVEDORES AND RIGGERS. Astoria offlceAt E. C. Holden's Auction store. Portland offlce24 B street. 13-tt HERE ARE PRICES OF GOODS THAT WILL SURPRISE ALL. CLOTHING DEPAETMENT. Can obtain immediate relief and he per manently cured by calllu on At tho Occident Hotel. wIitc he will he from 1 to S P. M. All suffering from Catarrh are respectfully united to call and see his testimonials of poslthe cures, aud his mode of treatment. Unless patients are treated there will be no chanM- Anv one wlshlntr to have him call private residence will please leae address at the Hotel. HANSEN BROS Contractors and Builders, CORNER ASTOR AND CASS STREETS. Near Congregational Church. And are now ready to receh e orJen for all kinds of WOOD TATOSSu, Contracts taken to build and repair SniPS, HOUSES, BOATS, ETC., AT LOWEST RATES. 53y-I)oors and Window Frames made t o order. MENS AND BOYS CASIMERE SUITS FROM- EXTRA BEST SUITS FINE BLACK SUITS DIAGONAL SUITS CASIMERE PANTS M EXTRA BEST PANTS " S 8 00 12 00 IS 00 15 00 2 50 - 4. 00 BOYS SUITS, ALL SORTS, FROM G 00 TO 13 00 ' 20 00 " 25 00 " 22 00 " 4 00 " 5 50 " 12 00 GERMANIA BEER HALL AND BOTTLE BEER DEPOT. CHfcAVC3 Stkeet. -Astoria. The Best o lAigevS Cts. a Glass Orders for the Celetetei CotaMa Brewery Left at this place will be promptly attend ed to. Eg"-No cheap San Francisco Beer sold at mis place WM. BOCK.Proprietor. FURNISHING GOODS. OVERALLS FROM GO CTS. TO SI 00 JUMPERS " 60 1 00 ALL "WOOL SOCKS 20 25 CHECKER SOCKS, SIX PAIR FOR I 00 COTTON SOCKS, THREE PAIR FOR 25 WHITE SHIRTS FROM 00 " 175 COLORED :t 75 " " 1 50 CASDIERE" ' SI 50 " "3 00 FLANNEL - 1 00 " - 1 75 BLUE NAVY - 2 00 " "2 50 FLANNEL UNDERSHIRTS AND DRAWERS FROM 1 25 " 2 25 COTTON FLANNEL SHIRTS AND DRAWERS CO MARINO SHIRTS AND DRAWERS 50 " Music Lessons. T. F. CULLEN and C E. BARNES TEACHERS OF VIOLIN, PIANO, GUITAR, COR NET AND BANJO, Would like a few pupils on either ot the above instruments. Terms Eight lessons for fiTe dollars. Sy-Orders left at Stevens & Sons book store will be promptly attended to. To-XtgJit. To-Night. GRAND BALL, AT MUSIC HALL, THIS EVJENINQ. 3E3. ua.. XJX3T2Sr. dealer In FAMILY GROCERIES, NAIIS, JITLLFEED AW1 HAY Cash paid for country produce. Small profits on cash sales. Astoria, Oregon, cor ner of Main and Squemocqhe streets. OIL CLOTHING. LONG OIL COATS FROM - S 50 OIL JUMPERS " 2 75 TO 4 50 300 BOOTS AND SHOES. MENS CALF BOOTS FROM S3 CO MENS KIP BOOTS - 2 75 ELASTIC GAITERS " 175 BUCKLE SHOES - 2 25 MENS SLIPPERS " 50 BOYS BOOTS 125 TO 4 50 4 00 2 50 3 25 1 00 1 75 I HAVE THIS SPRING STRAINED EVERY NERVE AND USED MY ENTIRE ENERGY" AND BEST JUDGMENT IN PLACING IN OUR AS TORIA HOUSE THE LARGEST AND MOST COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF THE ABOVE LINE OF GOODS. CALL AND INSPECT FOR YOURSELF. YOU ARE WELCOME. I WILL GLADLY SHOW MY GOODS, NO MATTER WHETHER YOU BUY OR NOT. NEW GOODS BY EVERY" STEAMER. S. DANZIGER. San Francisco Store. Squeruocqhe street, next door to Paga & Allen's store, north of Wona-walla RestauranrAstona Oreeon. I. W. CASE, IMPORTER AND WHOLESALE AND RE TAIL DEALER IN GENERAL MERCHANDISE Corner Chenamus and Cas-s streets. ASTORIA - - - OREGON. Wm. Houseman of Portland BEGS LEAVE TO NOTIFY HIS friends and customers that he has opened A FISHERMAN'S CLOTHING AND FURNISHING GOODS STORE Next to G. "W. Hume's grocery store. F. HOUSEMAN. Ageut THE DEW DROP INK ! Oh, fishermen, all hear the good news t A tine saloon is started with best of Liquors, Wines and Beer, AND FINE FREE LUNCH UNGUARDED. Tke Grandest Caviar and. Cheese, IN SANDWICH THICK AND THIN And wlUjrou spend a pleasant hour, drop la at the DEV DROP INN on Concomly stmtf J. T. BQE0HEB3, LJ-ftnt ' wL - -"' " - -JSKj1l'-