C?J
He Jiwto JbtfltLm
Astoria, Clatsop Co., Oregon.
. C. IRELAND,
PUBLISHER.
Joy Cometh in the Morning:.
I know there is pain in the "weary night,
And we're filled with a sad unrest;
But oh! there is joy -when the morning light
In glorious splendor and beauty bright,
"We see in the brilliant east.
Our sad hearts long for the sunny day,
When the troubles of life shall cease,
"When the murky shadows shall flee away,
And the hopes we've cherished no more de
cay In the reign of eternal peace.
1 know there is grief in the night of pain ;
There are sorrows and bitter tears,
Our bark is tossed on the billowy main
But the gloomy shadows begin to wane,
For the glorious day appears.
I know we are sad when the chilling hand
Of the angel of Death is laid
On the cherished foims of the household
band,
And we long and sigh for the better land,
Where the flowers shall never fade.
I know there is peace in the "by and by,"
When the saints shall be gathered home.
We shall lift our eyes to the sunny sky,
And shout for joy as the shadows fly,
And the glorious day shall come.
Lilla D. Avery.
Wedding: Fee Extraordinar3r.
It is not uncommon to hear of good
natured clergymen who accept a half
bushel of beans or a few pounds of dried
apples as a recompense for performing
a marriage ceremony; and there are in
stances on record "where they have even
officiated on credit. But the Dominion
ministers are made of sterner stuff. A
clergyman at East Bolton, Quebec, re
cently seized a bride as security for the
non-payment of his fee by the impecu
nious bridegroom, and the husband had
to give security for the 1.25 ere he could
obtain his spouse.
We clip the above item from one of
our exchanges, but do not believe that
many clergymen ever had a more laugh
able experience in that line than one of
our best known New York preachers, who
once accepted a strange fee, nolens volens.
This is the story.
Many years ago, he was sitting in the
office of a lawyer "who was one of his
members, chatting on various subjects,
and as the pastor happened to speak of
the hard times, and the dilatoriness of
the church in paying his small salary,
the lawyer remarked :
"Now I hardly agree with you, pastor,
in your assertion that ministers are paid
less for their work than any other class
of professional men. They have a great
deal given to them in one way and an
other, donation parties, Christmas pres
ents, etc. Then the item of wedding fees
alone, which you seldom hear them speak
about, but which must amount to quite a
sum, several hundred dollars in the course
of the year, brings them in a good rev
enue." "Do you think so?" said the clergy
man. "Now to come right down to dots,
what do you suppose is the average fee
that I receive?"
"I should say twenty dollars was a
low estimate," said the lawyer. Here in
New York I have often known persons
to give one hundred dollars, and a fifty
dollar fee is quite common, but consider
ing the fact that you marry a good many
of the poor, or those who are only mod
erately well off, as well as the rich, I
should think, as I said, that twenty dol
lars was a pretty low average."
"That calculation is rather large," said
the minister, "but still I cannot tell exact
ly, as I have not reckoned up what I have
received this 4ast year."
"No, I presume not," said the lawyer.
"I have noticed that ministers don't gen
erally know how much they have re
ceived, when the sum is pretty large, but
I rather think they would if it was a
small one. But I will tell you what I
-will do. I will give you ten dollars for
half your next fee, and don't believe I
shall lose anything by it either. Do you
accept that?"
The minister hesitated a moment and
" then said. "Yes. well, yes: I'll accept
that ten dollars for half the next fee."
He soon bade him good morning, and
went home to his dinner. While he was
at the table the bell rang, and'' the ser
vant came in, saying a man at the door
wished to see him a moment. He found
a rough-looking farmer -standing there,
who accosted him thus:
"Good morning, Dr. A. I came in to
see if you could just tie me up, this
morning. Sal and I have been talking
about it a good while, and we've come to
the conclusion that 'taint any use to wait
no longer."
"Oh, yes," said the doctor, "walk in,
walk in. Where did you want to be mar
ried?" "Right here," said the farmer, "if you're
willing Sal's in the wagon, and I'll
bring her in."
So he brought in a blooming country
maid, and the minister, who had doffed
his gown and slipped on his best Sunday-go-t-meeting
coat, made them one, in his
most impressive style. After the cere
mony and the congratulations, the farmer
"About the fee, pastor, we hain't much
money, but I thought your children
might be fond of pets, so I told Sal I
would just bring one of our pups." Say
ng which he tipped up a small box, and
"t rolled a little white pup upon the
no.
The minister could scarcely contain
his mirth, but thanked the bridegroom,
and told him the children would be glad
of it, and bade him a pleasant good
morning. He finished his dinner, then
putting the pup carefully back into the
box, started with it under bis arm for the
lawyer's office.
His friend was quite surprised to see
him so toon again, but the pastoi relieved
his curiosity by saying:
"I had no idea, when I accepted your
offer this morning, that I should have to
come so soon tu claim it, and I hardly
think I should have accepted it so quick
ly had I known I was to marry a couple
to-day, and receive such an unusual and
unexpected fee. Generally there is not
so much difference in them, but this was a
perfect surprise to me."
"No backing out, now," said the law
yer, "that bargain was fair and square,
and you must hold to it. Here's your
ten dollars; hand over the fee 1"
The minister demurred a moment, told
him he should beware howT he made such
rash promises again; but finally, unfast
ening the cover of the box, said: "All
right, I'll stand by the bargain," tum
bled out the pup upon the lawyer's desk,
and with the blandest smile upon his
face, waving his hand and bowing polite
ly, he said, "Here is the fee which half
will you take?"
The blank look of amazement and dis
gust which overspread the countenance of
the lawyer as he looked at the roll of
puppiness, was amusing to see.
"You don't mean it, that you married
a couple, and that was your fee?"
"Indeed it was," said the minister,
"and the farmer who presented it thought
he was doing a handsome thing!"
Then, with a hearty laugh, the lawyer
handed him the gold piece, and told him
that he thought he had nothing more to
say in i egard to the enriching of minis
ters by wedding-fees. Mrs. Jam S.
Dickcrxon, in the Standard.
The Christian Revenue.
Obadiah Lawson and Watt Dood were
neighbors. Dood was the oldest settler,
and from his youth up had entertained a
singular hatred against Quakers. There
fore, when he was informed that Lawson,
a regular disciple of that class of people,
had purchased the next farm to his, he
declared he would make him glad to
move away again. Accordingly a system
of petty annoyances was commenced by
him, and every time one of Lawson's
hogs chanced to stray upon Dood's place,
he was beset by men and dogs and most
savagely abused. Things went on thus
for nearly a year, but the Quaker, a man
of decided peace principles, appeared in
no way to resent the injuries received at
the hands of his spiteful neighbor. Mat
ters, however, were drawing to a crisis,
for Dood, more enraged than ever at the
quiet of Obadiah, made oaths that he
would do something before long to wake
up the i-punk of Lawson. Chance fa
vored his design. The Quaker had a
high-blooded filly, just four years old,
which he had been very careful in raising.
Lawson took great pride in this animal,
and had refused a large sum of money
for her.
One evening, a little after sundown, as
Watt Dood was passing around his corn
field, he discovered the filly feeding in
the little strip of prairie land that sepa
rated the two farina, and he conceived
the fiendish design of throwing off two
or three i ails of his fence that the horse
might get into his corn during the night.
He did so; and the next morning, bright
and early, he shouldered his rifle and
left the house. Not long after his ab
sence a hired maH whom he had recently
employed heard the echo of his gun,
and in a few minutes Dood, considerably
excited and out of breath, came hurry
ing to the house, where he stated he had
shot and wounded a buck, that the herd
had attacked him, and that he had hard
ly escaped with his life.
This story was credited by all but the
newly-employed hand, who had a dislike
to Watt, and, from his manner, suspected
that something was wrong. He there
fore slipped quietly away from the house, j
and going through the held in the direc
tion of the shot, he suddenly came upon
Lawson'b filly stretched upon the earth,
with a bullet hole through his head, from
which the warm blood was still oozing.
The animal was still warm and could not
have been killed an hour. He hastened
back to the dwelling of Dood, who met
him in the yard and demanded, somewhat
roughly, where he had been. "I've been
to see if your bullet made sure work of
Mr. Lawson's filly," was the instant re
tort. Watt paled for a moment, but rec
ollecting himself he fiercely shouted,
"Do you dare to say I killed her?"
"How do you know she is dead?" replied
the man. Dood bit his lip, hesitated a
moment, and then walked into the house.
A couple of days passed by, and the
morning of the third one had broken, as
the hired man met Lawson riding in
search of his filly. A few. words ot ex
planation ensued, when with a heaTy
heart the Quaker turned his horse and
rade home, where he informed the peo
ple of the fate of his filly. No threat of
recrimination escaped him; he did not
even go to law to recover damages, but
calmly awaited his plan and hour of re
venue". It came at last.
Watt Dood had a Durham heifer, for
which he paid a heavy price, and upon
which he counted to make great gains.
One morning, just as Obadiah was sit
ting down to breakfast, his eldest son
came in with the information that neigh
bor Doom's heifer had broke down the
fence, entered the yard, and after eating
most of the cabbages, had trampled the
well-made beds, and the vegetables they
contained, out of all shape a mischief
impossible to repair. "And what did
thee do with her, Jacob?" quietly asked
Obadiah. "I put her in the farm-yard."
"Did thee beat her?" "I never struck
her a blow." "Right, Jacob, right. Sit
down to thy breakfast, and when done
eating I will attend to the heifer."
Shortly after he had finished his re
past Lawson mounted a horse and rode
over to Dood's, who was sitting on the
porch in front of the house, and as he
beheld the Quaker dismount, supposed
he was cominsr to demand pay for his
filly, and secretly swore he would have
to go to law for it, if he did. "Good
morning:, neighbor Dood; how is thy
family?" exclaimed Obadiah, as he
mounted the steps and seated himself in
a chair. "All well, I believe," was the
reply. "I have a small affuir to settle
with thee this morning,-and I came
rather early." "So I suppose," growled
Watt. "This morning my son -found thy
Durham heifer in my garden, where she
destroyed a good deal." "And what did
he do with her?" demanded Dood, his
brow darkening. "And what would thee
have done with her, had she been my
heifer in thy garden?" asked Obadiah.
"I'd have shot her," retorted Watt, mad
ly, "as I suppose you have done, but we
are even now; heifer for filly is only 4tit
for tat.' " "Neighbor Dood, thou know
est me not, if thou thinkest I would
harm a hair on thy heifer's back. She is
in my farm-yard, apd not even a blow
has been struck her, where thee cau get
her at any time. I know thee shot my
filly, but the evil one prompted thee to
do it, and I lay no evil to my heart
against my neighbor. I came to tell thee
where thy heifer is, and now I'll go
home."
Obadiah rose from the chair and was
about to descend the steps, when he was
stopped by Watt, who hastily asked,
"What was your filly wrorth?" "A hun
dred dollars is what I asked for her," re
plied Obadiah. "Wait." And Dood
rushed into the house, whence he soon
returned with some gold. "Here's the
price of your filly, and hereafter let there
be a pleasantness between us."
Obadiah mounted his horse and rode
home with a lighter heart, and from that
day to this Dood has been as good a
neighbor as one could wish to have,Jbe
ing completely reformed by the returning
of good for evil.
Dyspepsia.
If a man wishes to get rid of -dyspepsia
he must give his stomach and brain less to
do. It will be of no service for him to
follow any particular regimen to live on
chaff bread, or any such stuff to weigh
his food, etc. so long as the brain is in
a constant state of excitement. Let that
have proper rest, and the stomach will
perfoVm its functions. But if he pass
fourteen or fifteen hours a day in his
office or counting room, and take no ex
ercise, his stomach will inevitably become
paralyzed, and if he puts nothing into it
but a cracker a day it will not digest it.
Iu many cases it is the brain that is the
primary cause. Give that delicate organ
some rest. Leave your business behind
you when you go to your home. Do not
sit to your dinner with your brows knit,
and your mind absorbed in casting up
interest accounts. Never abridge -the
usual hours of sleep. Take more or less
exercise in the open air every day. Al
low yourself some innocent recreation.
Eat moderately, slowly, and of what you
please, provided it should not be the
shovel and tongs. If any particular
dish disagrees with you, however, never
touch it or look at it. Do not imagine
that you must live on rye bread or oat
meal porridge; a reasonable quantity of
nutritious food is essential to the mind as
well as the body. Above all. banish all
thoughts upon the subject. If you have
any treatises on dyspepsia, domestic
medicine, etc., put them directly into the
fire. If you are constantly talking and
thinking about dyspepsia, you will surely
have it. Endeavor to forget that you have
a stomach. Keep a clear conscience;
live temperately, regularly, cleanly; be
industrious, too, but be temperate. Ap
pletoni Journal.
One had a watermelon in a basket and
the other a big piece of corned beef on
her arm, as they met at the Central mar
ket yesterday, and chatted for a moment.
One had evidently been married but a
few days, as the other queried
"Well, how do you like your second
husband?"
"Oh, he's fair very fair, but you see I
don't understand him very well yet," was
the answer.
""No trouble, I hope?"
"Oh, no, though for about a week I
feared there might be. He went around
looking sad and down-hearted, sighed
every five minutes, and wouldn't) answer
till I had spoken several times. I really
got alarmed."
"And what was the matter colic,
heart disease or ague?"
"I couldn't make out, as I told you;
but he finally explained that he had an
other wife in Canada and feared she
might come here. There the poor mau
was worrying about it for days and days,
and I was thinking he was mad or going
crazy. It was a great relief to both of
us when he told me the real facts, and
now we shall change ourname to Thomas,
move into a house facing the alley, and
live as happy as bees." M. Quad.
A small colored boy at Chatham, Can
ada, held one end of a whip-stock in his
mouth while musing, and, falling, the
stick was driven through the back of his
neck, requiring the strength of a power
ful man to pull it out The spinal col
umn was not hit and the child is again
quite well.
They are going to dramatize the Tweed
revelations. An opera has already beea
composed about him. William Tell.
The Dutch Passion for Washing.
Every Saturday morning the Dutch
women wash their houses on the outside,
scrubbing them from pavement to chim
ney. Any point that is too high for broom
or ladder they reach by a forcing pump.
Out of nearly every window may be seen
a woman, stretching herself half way out,
perhaps, with a brush and cloth reach
ing after some fancied dirt-spot or dash
ing a pail of water at it.
It is understood at this time that the
town is given up to cleaning, and the
passers-by of the pavement below have
no right to complain if they get a shower
of water and suds over their heads. The
spiders have been driven out of Holland,
or left in disgust; and I do not think I
ever saw a fly anywhere in the country.
No swTallows are allowed to dirty up their
houses or stables, and strange to say, one
sees no birds about whatever, except the
omnipresent storks, which are allowed,
by special favor, to build their nests in
the chimney-tops, owing to a particular
veneration which the Dutch have for this
bird, likely because it is a water-fowl, or
rather a water and land-fowl; or like the
Dutch themselves, an amphibious swamp
animal.
As you go through a Dutch town the
most common sight is the women washing
in the canals. On both,sides,from one end
of the street to the other,they may be seen
at all times of the day,washing everything
from a baby's stocking to a tablecloth;
and,when they have nothing else to wash,
they wash out their brooms and brushes
and tubs and themselves. Sometimes the
whole canal has the appearance of flow
ing with soap-suds.
The Dutch have learned the art of
washing and everything connected with
it so well that other countries often send
their linen there to be washed and
bleached, especially the large manufac
tories. The meadows outside of a Dutch
town arc fairly whitewith washed arti
cles stretched over them. Ladies Re
pository.
The Canary a Yery Sensible Bird.
As a general rule, you cannot give a
bird too much fresh air. Even in the
winter time, although it is never safe or
expedient to hang the cage in the window,
it is advisable to throw open the window
once or twice a day and let in the air.
Canaries are tender creatures, but they
will stand a low temperature as low as
50 degrees providing they be out of the
reach of draughts. A temperature not
lower than 60 degrees is perhaps more
desirable, and this should be maintained
day and night if possible. More birds
sicken and die from diseases contracted
by exposure to night chilliness than from
any other causes. Again, the air of the
room should not be over-heated or suffused
with gas. If of a morning you should
chance to observe the same tinge gather
ing on the wings of your canary that is
constantly noticeable on silver plate in
winter, the chances are that coal-gas has
much to do with it. On the other hand,
the odor of tobacco smoke, instead of in
juring, seems to have the tendency to
improve the brightness of the plumage,
and at the same time to put more vigor
into the canary's song. Were I writing
without some experience, I should un
hesitatingly say, never subject your birds
at all to tobacco smoke. But facts ap
pear to convert any counsel of the order;
for my own birds, whenever tobacco is
lighted, will, if the cage doors are open,
immediately fly toward the smoker, and
vie with each other in getting into the
densest cloud. Having sniffed the aro
ma, they will light upon the shoulder,
or the back of the chair, and pour forth
the sweetest harmonies of the day. Per
mit me to suggest, then, plenty of fresh
air, aud even moderate temperature aud
occasionally tobacco smoke. Be sure,
however, that during and after smoking
a current of fresh air is allowed to pass
through and to ventilate the room. Ap
pletons Journal.
Thoughts from Emerson.
Friends, such as we desire, are dreams
and fables.
The ornament of a home is the friends
who frequent it.
Every man passes his life in a search
after friendship.
Better be a nettle in the side of your
friend than his echo.
To most of us society shows not its
face and eye, but its side and back.
The fountain of beauty is the heart,
and every generous thought illustrates
the walls of the chamber.
A house should bear witness in all its
economy that human culture is the end
to which it is built and garnished.
I do with my friends as I do with ray
books I would have them where I could
find them, but I seldom use them.
Bashfulness and apathy are a tough
husk, in which a delicate organization is
protected from premature ripening.
Love is the dawn of civility and grace
in the coarse and rustic. It makes the
clown gentle and gives the cowTard
heart.
We see the heads that turn on the pivot
of the spine no more; and we see hqads
that seem to turn on a pivot as deep as
the axle of the world so slow and lazi
ly, and great they move.
The poor are only they who feel poor,
and poverty consists in feeling poor. The
rich, as we reckon them, antfamong them
the very rich, in a true search would be
found very indigent and ragged.
WKoso shall teach me how to eat my
meat and take my repose, and deal with
men, without any shame following, will
restore the life of man to splendor, and
make his own name dear to history.
The interments in the cfitacombs at
Rome are estimated at 7,000,000.
numerous Waifs.
How- to find out what's in a name.
Put it on the back ot a note.
If you want to keep mosquitoes out of
your bed room, sleep on the roof.
Andromeda misses one of the luxuries
of life she can't laugh in her sleeve.
A "woman in Boston has named one or
her hens "Macduff," so that it may lay
on.
The Rochester Democrat thinks Char
ley Ross was deposited in a Chicago Sav
ings Bank.
To make both ends meet put your toe
in your mouth. We advise men, only,
"toe" do it.
General Howard must want Chief
Joseph for a lecture bureau. He is cer
tainly very much afraid of hurting him.
An orator declaring that fortune
knocked at every man's door once, an old
Irishman said: "When she knocked at
mine I must have been out."
Stage Manager (to call boy.) "John,
see if the ballet are dressed." John (re
turning.) "Yes, sir, about ready; they've:
nearly got their clothes off."
A home thrust. Doctor.: "Now tell
me. Colonel, how do you feel when you've
killed a man?" Colenel: "Oh, very well,,
thank you, Doctor. How do you?"
We think Mark Twain must be bored
sadly by the manufacturers of new styles
of goods. They all insist, by their print
ed labels, that he shall "Trade, Mark I"
A little girl, a day or two since,,
while watching the rain, turned to her
mother and said, "Ma, I guess the weath
er's so warm it's melting the clouds."
Times don't grow much better, and
families which have long ago stopped
taking a paper are now seriously thinking
of selling one of the dogs. Worcester
Press.
A good many country teams are bur
glarizing in country towns. They are
good cracksmen and generally make an
inner and then an outer. New York
Herald.
"Madame," said an impertinent board
er to his landlady, "your butter is too aris
tocratic for my democratic taste. It is.
one of the cases in which sweetness is
preferable to rank."
A postal Card was lately received
at the Fitchburg, Mass., post-oiBce, ad
dressed to "Mr. K , the man that works
in the factory and got the car-load of po
tatoes at Whitefield, N. IJ., last year."
When you kiss a San Francisco girl,
she holds her breath until you get
through, and then flares up, goes into the
next room, and smacks her lips for a
whole hour.
A good little boy who was kicked by a
mule did not say naughty words or go
home crying to his mother. He just tied -
the mule within five feet of a beehive
backed him round to it and let him kick.
"I say, Paddy, that is the worst-looking
horse 'you drive I ever saw. Why
don't you fatten him up?" "Fat him upr
is it? Faix ! the poor baste can hardly
carry the little mate that's on him now,"
replied Paddy.
The best way to cure a boil is to get a
fine ripe peach a cling stone is better
peel it carefully, eat it then take the
skin, place it on the asphaltum side-walk
in front of Baldwin's and when the boil
isn't looking slip up on the peel.
At an .Eastern uregon wedding, the
bride in a playful mood kicked the
groom's hat off without touching his
head. All well enough if alter a time
her dexterity don't take a turn and kick
his head off without touching his hat.
An Irishman fresh from the "old
country" saw a turtle for the first time,
and at once made up his mind to capture
it. The turtle caught him by the finger,,
and he, holding it out at arms'-length,
said, "Faith, and ye had better let loose
the howlt ye have, or I'll kick ye out of
the very box ye sit in, be jabbers."
A little Athol boy, guilty of some
misconduct, upon being asked why he
could be so naughty, replied that he
thought he was not doing anything
wrong. "That's no excuse," said his
mother, "thinking doesn't help the mat
ter." "Well, mamma," said he, "what's
the use of having a thinker, if you can't
think?"
Old Dr. Hunter used to say, when he
could not discover the cause of a man's
sickness, "We'll try this and we'll try
that. We'll shoot into the tree, and if
anything falls, well and good." "Aye,"
replied a wag, "I fear this is too com
monly the case, and in your shooting
nto the tre'e, the first thing that gener
ally falls is the patient."
"Smoking in Holland," said a travel
ler, "is so common that it is impossible
to tell one person trom another in a room
full of smokers." "How is anyone who
happens to be wanted picked out, then?"
asked a listener. "Oh, in that case, a
waiter goes round with a pair of bellows
and blows the smoke from before each
face till he recognizes the person called
for. Fact, gentlemen."
To Remove Fly Tracks. The fly sea
son, an exchange cheerfully remarks, is
near at hand, and it will cost only three y
onions to try the. experiment of keeping
your picture frames, looking-glass frames,
ot frnm linff " " . IV I OYef DV
flies. Paint your frames over with the
liquid, and the originator says the flies
will never ..::.. them. Whether the t
size of the onion must be determined by
the size of the frames or fly :..... the
author of the receipt has not yet divulged..
J
.