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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 28, 2019)
SIUSLAW NEWS | SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2019 | 9A DIGITAL from page 1A Instead, it’s important for parents to talk to their chil- dren about what they’re in to. “When a child comes to you and says, ‘I’ve got this new app,’ we want to ask them about it — then listen,” Rob- inson said, listing off some of the common denominators between apps. These included how users create a profile, if the app is able to locate users, how users communicate with each other. “Kids will give up all this information, on why they want to use these things. And if we’re engaged in the pro- cess, like we’re interested in what they’re telling us, they’ll be more apt to tell us things,” Robinson said. When Robinson’s children first showed him SnapChat, he was confounded. “It just didn’t make sense compared to all the other apps that I used,” Robinson, who develops apps for a liv- ing, said. “So I asked my kids, Florence Roundup HOUSEHOLD HAZARDOUS WASTE Friday, October 4 — 12pm - 5pm Saturday, October 5 — 8am - 2pm Florence Transfer Site 2820 N. Rhododendron Drive Provided by Lane County Waste Management Division in partnership with the City of Florence. ‘What do you like about Snap- chat?’” Then they sat down and his children went through the app, pointing out the features they liked, comparing them to other apps. This conversa- tion led to more complicated issues. He asked his children if the app had location services, which allows friends to see where they are in real-time. “They can see blips of all their friends. And that’s okay. It’s not a bad thing to know where your friends are. But as parents, you have to be aware that the ability is there. That leads to the question, ‘Who do you allow to follow you?’ If you let these random strang- ers follow you, and you have a public account, chances are they can find out where you are. What do you do when someone tries to find out where you are? If you know them, will you friend them back?” By having that conversation in a non-confrontational way, it opened the door for more difficult discussions down the road. “When my daughter first got a phone, I said, ‘If some- one wants to friend you that you don’t know, let’s look at their profile to see if that’s an appropriate person.’ We had conversations about this. The other thing was, they knew I wasn’t going to have a knee- jerk reaction to this. ‘Oh no, Joe42 from Albuquerque New Mexico decided they wanted to follow you, you can’t use the app.’ That’s going a little far.” Harsh reactions can have some negative consequences for parents. “That’s the toughest thing to do as parents — not react. The first thing you want to do is fix it and have a knee-jerk reaction. The issue is, kids are going to remember that’s how you reacted. And unfor- tunately, when it happens next time, they won’t come to you. You want them to be able to come to you,” Robinson ad- vised. And conversations like this can also help ease parents’ concerns about what their children are doing online. “Does anybody know what a ‘finsta’ is?” asked Robinson. “It’s a fake Instagram account. My daughter had her primary account, and there she posts best photos of her life. The glamorous life she leads now.” But his daughter had a se- cret finsta account which Robinson didn’t know about. He had been following his daughter on Instagram and saw her picture appear in another profile. But instead of blowing up, he asked his about it. “My first thought as a par- ent was, ‘Oh, these are the photos she doesn’t want me to see,’” Robinson recalled. “In reality, because we had these conversations about what we post online, she said, ‘No dad, it’s the outtakes.’ And sure enough, it was the funny photos, her with one eye open, that didn’t match what she wanted the world to see. And that was totally okay.” Robinson and his daughter did have a discussion on cre- ating accounts without telling him, “but it wasn’t bad, be- cause of the conversations we had early and often.” And it set up a map for more difficult conversations regarding social media, in particular online reputation. ONLINE REPUTATION “Some people will tell you that everybody is getting bul- lied online,” Robinson said. “That’s patently false. Real- istically, it’s only one-in-five. This still high, but it’s not everyone and it’s not all the time.” Instead, what Robinson is finding that children are shut- ting down the bullies. “Kids are standing up for each other in these spaces,” he said. “‘Can you remove this comment, it wasn’t very nice.’ That’s what we’re seeing more and more.” But what can trip children up are issues with online rep- utation. “That’s digital citizenship,” he said. “When we were grow- ing up, you talked to people the way you want to be talked to. It’s the same thing online. It doesn’t change just because you’re in a digital world.” But sometimes children make comments that can have severe consequences. “In Bend, two kids have been arrested for two sepa- rate incidences,” Robinson said. “One kid said, ‘Don’t go to school on Monday.’ Somebody else says, ‘Why?’ The kid responds with one word: ‘Bang.’ He was arrested, charged with a crime. There was a copycat two days later, the same thing.” The children involved had no actual intention of harm- ing students, as it turned out, nor did they have the means to carry out an attack — they were just “trolling,” or mak- ing controversial statements online. “All it takes for someone to take a screenshot of some dumb comment you made and it’s there forever. … If we’re not telling our kids that what they say online has real consequences, they don’t real- ly know that.” Robinson stressed the need for both children and adults to be more careful about what they say. “I know it’s very easy to jump on Facebook and rant about something because someone annoyed you that day and you just pop off,” Robinson said. “But what if that’s the last thing you ever get to write? What does that say about you? What impres- sion is the rest of the world getting from the last post?” Thankfully, Robinson con- tinued, “We write the story. It’s our profile, It’s our kid’s pro- file. I tell my kids, ‘If grand- ma read this, what would she think?’ And it makes them take a sec. Think about what they post before they post it. Really, if that’s a half second and they think, ‘Eh, maybe this isn’t the best thing to post,’ and they just don’t post it, no harm, no foul.” But the one thing that chil- dren cannot control is what other people say about them. “People will say stuff about us. I know all over the in- ternet, there are things said about me that just aren’t true. … I would just sit there and watch it. It’s almost like an ad- diction. You have to break it. No more. I’m not watching it.” But that’s a difficult task for an adult, and for children it can be almost impossible. “They take it internally,” Robinson explained. “I tell my kids, ‘You can’t control what people are going to say. That says more about the person saying it than it does about you.’ It does not show the true extent of your child. … We have to consistently and as often as we can, remind them that it doesn’t matter.” But sometimes getting that message across can be diffi- cult, particularly when par- ents don’t follow the advice themselves. PARENTS “Don’t worry that your chil- dren never listen to you, be- cause they’re always watching you,” Robinson said. “I work in a digital world. I am con- stantly online. Always looking at my emails. I was always on my phone. I found that when I was supposed to be with my son, I was checking my phone. I wasn’t modeling the behav- ior that I wanted my son to have. And he called me on it.” The moment came when Robinson was playing a game on his phone when his son came up to him and asked, “What’s so important?” “Ouch,” Robinson said. “Good for him. He knows that we’re having these conversa- tions, and was sure enough of himself that he could say that to me. Good for him. So really start to take stock on what you’re doing when your online. If you’re at your kid’s soccer game, and you spend most of your time on your phone? Something happens in the game, your kid scores, you don’t even see it.” Robinson went over the typical adult’s day — wake up in the morning, grab the phone, check emails or the news. See DIGITAL page 9A FOOD BACKPACK FOR KIDS announces our… Z*Q*KW11/b KMWbWMb -FM=b4MRb*Ub GMK=b*Ub `MZbM]Kb`MZRb ?MI1bMSb]1b]AGGb -G1*Kb`MZQb=ZWW1QUb4MQb4R11b $40,000.00 MATCHING FUNDS CAMPAIGN for 2019 The following CORE DONORS will match YOUR dona on to Food Backpack for Kids (FB4K) up to $40,000.00 from September 01-November 30, 2019… OREGON PACIFIC BANK• PEACE HARBOR HOSPITAL FLORENCE KIWANIS • RIVER ROASTERS an ANONYMOUS DONOR • the DAVID & LINDA LAUCK TRUST RESURRECTION LUTHERAN CHURCH and CROSS ROAD ASSEMBLY CHURCH We also thank WESTERN LANE COMMUNITY FOUNDATION & CHAMBERS FAMILY FOUNDATION for their generous grants. 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Box 3347, Florence, OR he r Go ry hild Will ng Hu o C N , Toge t XN2VbLNYbBL.H[02b.NVYbN3bJ+Y2TB+H b _OBT2Vb b HHbO+TYB.BO+LYVb^@Nb+YY2L0b+Lb2VYBJ+Y20bbJBL[Y2bBL@NJ2b OTN0[.Yb.NLV[HY+YBNLb^BHHbT2.2B\2b+bb>C<b.+T0 b&2Y+BHb\+H[2bCVb b#72TbVONLVNT20b,ab2+3[+T0bNH0BL>VbL. b BJBYbNL2b O2Tb@N[V2@NH0 bNJO+LabOTN.[T2VbV2HGVb+L0bCLVY+HHVbV2+JH2VVb>[YY2TbOTNY2.YBNL b(@BVbN82TbBVb\+HB0b;Tb@NJ2N^L2TVbN\2Tbb a2+TVbN3b+>2 b3bJ+TTB20bNTbBL\NH\20b^BY@b+bHB6bO+TYL2Tb,NY@b.N@+,BY+YBL>bO2TVNLVbJ[VYb+YY2L0b+L0b.NJOH2Y2bOT2V2LY+YCNLb YN>2Y@2T b$+TYB.BO+LYVbJ[VYb@+\2b+bO@NYNbb,2b+,H2bYNb[L02TVY+L0bL>HBV@b+L0b,2bH2>+HHab+,H2bYNb2LY2TbBLYNb+b.NLYT+.Y b(@2b ;HHN^BL>bO2TVNLVb+T2bLNYb2HB>B,H2b;TbY@BVbN352Tb2JOHNa22VbN3bNJO+LabNTb+9GB+Y20b.NJO+LB2VbNTb2LYBYB2VbY@2CTbBJJ20B+Y2b 3+JBHabJ2J,2TVbOT2\BN[VbO+TYB.BO+LYVbBLb+bNJO+LabBL@NJ2b.NLV[GY+YBNLb^BY@CLbY@2bO+VYb bJNLY@Vb+L0b+HHb.[TT2LYb+L0b ;TJ2TbNJO+Lab.[VYNJ2TV bB3YbJ+abLNYb,2b2_Y2L020bYT+LV32TT20bNTbV[,VYBY[Y20b2_.2OYbY@+YbNJO+LabJ+abV[,VYCY[Y2b+b >B<bN3b2P[+HbNTb>T2+Y2Tb\+H[2bC3bBYb022JVbBYbL2.2VV+Ta bB<b.+T0b^BHHb,2bJ+BH20bYNbY@2bO+TYB.BO+LYb\B+b:TVYb.G+VVb)LBY20b'Y+Y2Vb !+BGb^BY@BLbb0+aVbN3bT2.2COYbN3bY@2bOTNJNYBNLb;TJ b"NYb\+HB0bBLb.NLD[L.YBNLb^BY@b+LabNY@2TbOTNJNYBNLbNTb0CV.N[LYbN3b+Lab EBL0 b#352TbLNYbVONLVNT20bNTbOTNJNY20b,abN^2Vb+L0bBVbV[,D2.YbYNb.@+L>2b^BY@N[YbLNYB.2bOTBNTbYNbT2V2T\+YBNL b _OCT2Vb b/HDI*XDUGRSHUDWHVDV/HDI*XDUGRI2UHJRQLQ2UHJRQXQGHUOLFHQVHQXPEHU THANK YOU! www.foodbackpackforkids.com Sponsored by Oregon Pacifi c Bank
