10 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2017
Open contempt for those in better shape is first step to a healthier you
Ned
Hickson
Like millions of Americans, I
recently stripped down, prepared
myself for the worst, and stepped
onto the scale. Soon after, I retrieved
the scale from the front yard and
accepted the fact that, yes — it prob-
ably was defective.
At my wife’s suggestion, I tried
our neighbor’s scale. This led to the
discovery that, of the 23 scales I
tested within a five-mile radius of
our home, every single one was off
by exactly 11 pounds.
Being a journalist, I had to won-
der: Was this a widespread problem?
Were we being duped into needless
exercise by faulty scales?
I immediately brought this to the
attention of members of our news-
room who, realizing the implica-
tions, told me to stay out of their
candy drawers.
The truth is, I have no one but
myself to blame for putting on these
extra pounds.
This is why, every year around
this time, people just like me make a
commitment to start going to the
gym. I know this because I recog-
nize most of these people from last
year.
We all have the same expression:
grim determination mixed with a
sense of purpose in knowing that,
afterward, there’s a Taco Bell just
down the street. We come dressed
with headbands and towels over our
shoulders even though we spend
most of our time wandering around
the gym looking for water bottles.
After making this realization, I
was motivated to do things different-
ly this time.
Never again would I splash water
on my face, then stand close enough
to someone to appear as though we
are workout partners. It was time to
get serious about fitness by accept-
ing the fact that the closest I’ll ever
get to having buns of steel is if I
happen to leave the bread box open
overnight.
I’m 51, married, with two children
still at home; what do I need wash-
board abs for when I know perfectly
well that my wife gets more turned
on by me doing the laundry?
With these things in mind, I put
together a list of goals that will
motivate me because they’re actually
achievable.
First, buns of steel are out.
Instead, I will settle for buns of alu-
minum foil; as long as they can hold
their shape and don’t leak, I’m
happy.
Second, I understand that my
metabolism is slowing down and
that, as a result, my body’s fuel-
burning efficiency is similar to a
Humvee. Unless I’m careful, I will
also weigh as much as one.
Third, I will no longer waste my
time comparing my body with any-
one else’s, particularly if theirs is
better. This should make my work-
outs twice as productive since I will
be avoiding eye contact with every-
one else at the gym.
And finally, I will stop using the
scale as my measure of success.
What’s the point, really?
They’re all wrong anyway.
Ned is a syndicated columnist with
News Media Corporation. Write to him
at nedhickson@ icloud.com, or at
Siuslaw News, 148 Maple St, Florence,
Ore. 97439
Ancestral Recipes in new cook book helps support local DAR chapter
Oregon Dunes Chapter
Daughters of the American
Revolution (DAR) “Frog-eye
Salad,”
“Grandmother's
Chocolate
Gravy”
and
“Hawaiian
Cantaloupe
Pickles” are just three delica-
cies submitted by Oregon
Dunes Daughters of the
American Revolution chapter
members for their one-hun-
dred ten-page cookbook,
“DAR: Delicious Ancestral
Recipes,” available for just
$15 each.
With 199 heirloom recipes,
fascinating snippets of histori-
cal information, menus, leg-
ends, family memories as well
as “sage” advice about
Colonial use of herbs, the
book is also entertaining.
Proceeds from sales go right
back into the community, as
the nine-year-old chapter con-
tinues to support local non-
profit endeavors.
Recipes date from the 15th
to the 20th century and include
Mary Gill’s prize-winning
recipe for “Braised Short
Ribs” that was published in
“Taste of Home” magazine
October/November 2004.
Until ketchup making was
standardized
by
Fannie
Farmer, head of Boston
Cooking School in the late
19th century, this popular
condiment was made from
many kinds of fruits and veg-
etables.
The recipe for “Cucumber
Ketchup” is certainly worth a
try, along with “Maxine's
Bean Salad,” as served at
Newton’s Ice Cream Parlor in
Lake Oswego, Oregon in the
1960's and 1970s.
Many of the recipes are
accompanied by stories, such
as this one for trout, by
Merilee Mulvey:
“Find a good spot to camp
and then make a camp fire and
cooking spot. Set up your tent.
Get out your fishing gear and
find a good spot to fish. Bait
your hook, set your reel and
have a great time. Now that
you have caught your limit,
clean and gut your trout; leave
the fish whole with head and
tail still attached. Heat up the
iron skillet on the camp fire
and put in the butter to melt.
Put the flour, salt and garlic
powder in the plastic zip bag
and put in your trout, one at a
time to dredge each one with
the coating mixture. Cook
about two trout at a time until
each one is just done, not over
cooked. When serving the
trout, each one should be slit
with a knife from chin to tail
so you can filet the fish; then
squeeze some lemon juice on
the trout.”
Merilee shared that her dad
took her and her brother out
fishing for trout on camping
trips when they were children.
They prepared the fish in this
manner and it was the most
delicious meal a child could
imagine.
While on vacation, she and
her husband stopped in Estes
Park, Colorado for dinner
where she ordered trout. The
head hung off one side of the
plate and the tail off the other
side. She was in heaven and
remembered so many good
times with her dad.
Cook up some memories
with
“DAR:
Delicious
Ancestral Recipes” and help
the chapter support the com-
munity with an annual schol-
arship for a student who has
made significant improvement
in their academic achieve-
ment. DAR also helps the
Oregon
Coast
Military
Museum, veteran's needs,
Project Patriot (supporting
active duty military); Food
Backpack for Kids, Food
Share, and other projects that
support historical preserva-
tion, education and patriotism.
Email oregonduneschap-
ter@gmail.com to order the
book.
For more information about
DAR visit www.dar.org.
2018
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