The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current, January 25, 2017, WEDNESDAY EDITION, Page 12A, Image 12

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    12 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2017
How married men can benefit from watching ‘The Bachelor’
City Lights Cinemas pres-
ents the eye opening and inspi-
rational documentary “The C
Word” on Thursday, Jan. 26, at
12 p.m. and 6 p.m.
Narrated by Oscar Award-
winning
actor
Morgan
Freeman, “The C Word” mes-
sage is simple, lifechanging,
radical: we can beat cancer
before cancer beats us.
“The C Word” reveals the
forces at play keeping people
sick and dares to ask: “If up to
70 percent of cancer deaths are
preventable what are we wait-
ing for?”
And, in asking the question,
director Meghan L. O’Hara
reveals astounding truths that
no one is talking about on a
grand scale — until now.
“The C Word” humorously
aims its zoom lens at the
multi-level, systematic failings
of our society: habits that pre-
dispose us to disease, western
medicine’s fixation on treat-
ment instead of addressing the
root causes of our ailments.
“The C Word” is also an
indictment of a trillion-dollar
processed food industry that
thrives while we get sick, leav-
ing us — and especially our
underserved communities —
undernourished and over-
weight.
Tickets for “The C Word”
are currently available at City
Lights Cinema or online at city
lightscinemas.com. Tickets are
$9 for adults, $8 for seniors
and students and $7 for kids.
complicated it is to navigate
the system.
“Understanding what the
words mean is important.”
The group held open dis-
cussions on such issues as
exclusions for pre-existing
conditions, mandated cover-
age, minimum levels of cover-
age, health savings accounts,
as well as numerous areas of
Medicare that could be affect-
ed.
Because there is still so
much uncertainty surrounding
these issues, the group decid-
ed to hold another meeting on
Sunday, Jan. 29, from 1 to 3
p.m., in the Bromley Room at
the Siuslaw Public Library.
This meeting is free and
open to the public.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
write to him at nedhickson
@icloud.com
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ACA health care discussion
to continue next week
Approximately 45 members
of the community came
together at the Florence
Senior Center on Sunday, Jan.
15, to participate in a conver-
sation about what the repeal of
the Affordable Care Act
(ACA) could mean to the
Florence area, as well as the
nation.
The new Congress is mov-
ing quickly to make changes,
and a group of concerned area
citizens felt it was important
that the community under-
stand the impact of those
changes and what can be done
about their concerns.
The meeting facilitator, Pat
Reno, said, “Having designed
employee benefit plans for
over 20 years, I know how
But as he attempts to dis-
cover the inner truths of each
woman and searches for his
soul mate one rose at a time,
my wife and I will be eating
snack foods and sipping
something cold as we share
observations about each con-
testant — which brings me to
the most valuable lesson I’ve
learned:
Given the chance to be The
Bachelor, it would be the
shortest season of all.
Because I’d simply choose
the amazing woman I’m
already married to.



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2775 Hwy 101 Suite B • Florence, OR 97439
541-423-3142
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L OOKING
FOR
B REAKING N EWS ? www.TheSiuslawNews.com
CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK
City Lights to present
documentary ‘The C Word’
both and has your best inter-
est as a couple in mind.
I would highly suggest get-
ting Chris Harrison. He may
not be able to count higher
than 1, but he is an artful
mediator.
Contrary to what you might
think, getting his help is actu-
ally pretty easy. All you have
to do is take a single rose and
put it in a basket. He will
appear almost instantly to
announce it's the only one
left.
So tonight, I’ll once again
take a spot on the couch next
to my wife and watch as the
latest bachelor attempts what
is essentially televised cat
juggling, complete with claws
and hissing.
Always.
Having the ability to — at
a moment's notice — produce
a fragrant flower symbolizing
your love is a game changer
that can diffuse any situa-
tion....
Wife: “Are these your dirty
BOXERS in the sink...
AGAIN?!?”
Husband: [Pulls out rose]
“This is for you.”
Wife: “Oh sweetheart!
Where else can I look for
your boxers? Wait, don’t tell
me! I want it to be like an
Easter egg hunt!”
In the rare instance a rose
isn't enough, make sure you
have a mutual friend willing
to be a love liaison for you —
someone who cares about you

Monday night, I will be
watching “The Bachelor”
with my wife. I actually
watch very little television.
The shows I do watch are
because of personal interest. I
watch “Meet the Press”
because I’m a journalist;
“Hell’s Kitchen” because I
was a chef for 10 years; and
The Bachelor because I don’t
ever want to be one again.
As a ridiculously happily
married man, I can tell you
the benefits of a good mar-
riage far outweigh the initial
discomfort of watching Chris
that there’s only one rose left.
You also have to get past
the three main types of con-
testants who appear each sea-
son:
• The Cryer — Easy to spot
because they are reduced to
tears and sitting alone within
15 minutes of arriving at the
mansion
• The Liar — This person
is already in a long-term rela-
tionship and is a struggling
actress. They are always
extremely attractive, which
causes the Bachelor’s judg-
ment to become cloudy as
blood flows away from the
brain to an area not directly
related to the circulatory sys-
tem.
And lastly,
• The Psycho — Always
arrives separately from the
rest of the contestants, usually
in some uniquely pretentious
way, such as by helicopter or
riding a unicorn and wearing
only a wrestling singlet.
As someone who has been
watching The Bachelor with
his wife for several years
now, I have gained a few
insights that have made me a
better husband.
Here are a few of those
insights for husbands who
may have missed last (every)
season of the show.
First, always keep a rose
with you.

Harrison — week after week
— inform everyone who did-
Ned
Hickson n’t pass kindergarten math