SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2016
9 A
Just like an all-beef patty, age is relative
As I mentioned, I turned 50
several weeks ago. The good
news is I have a friend who
just turned 60. Relative to
him, I’m a young man (Of
my front teeth with his walk-
er).
My point is, when it comes
to age, what seems relative
can quickly change.
Yesterday, for example, I
was eating at a fast-food
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place when I noticed a pair of
college-aged girls taking
glances at me from another
table. This has happened
before, which is why I
instinctively went through a
series of mental checkpoints
drawn from previous experi-
ence:
1) Is there condiment
blowback in my hair, on my
chin or around my nostril(s)?
2) What am I wearing
today, and is there any part I
forgot to snap closed, zip up
or buckle down?
3) Did I unknowingly
allow any part of my body’s
internal gastro process to be
heard externally?
4) Am I slouching,
hunched or otherwise pos-
tured in a manner that makes
it appear I'm protecting my
$3.99 Value Meal, possibly to
the death?
And lastly,
5) Is there someone much
younger and better-looking
sitting directly behind me?
After determining none of
Get ready to get colorful as
registration kicks off for the
PTA’s first-ever Color-a-Thon
5K fundraiser here in Florence.
Hosted by the Florence
Community PTA, the Color-a-
Thon 5K is a fundraising
run/walk taking place Saturday,
Nov. 5, beginning at 9 a.m.
The event will begin and end
at Siuslaw Middle School.
Participants will move
through a 5K course while
being engulfed in clouds of
vibrant, non-toxic color,
emerging looking as if you’ve
to be held at the Florence Events Center during the
Be Ready Disaster Preparedness Expo on November 5, 2016!
Please call the Siuslaw News at 541-902-3526 to sign up.
You may pay by credit or debit card.
There are two classes being offered.
Positions in the class are on a fi rst paid for, fi rst reserved basis
and classes are limited to the fi rst 25 paying participants in each class.
So don’t delay, sign up for a place now!
Sponsored by:
Siuslaw News
modate my all-beef patty.
Catching a glance at my
reflection in the napkin dis-
penser, I saw what looked
like a giant carp hacking up a
fistful of Powerbait onto a
plastic tray. Relatively speak-
ing, I felt 15 again, back
when nerves routinely seized
my stomach into a walnut
whenever I was around Sarah
Getlost.
“Excuse me, are you OK?”
I looked up to see both
girls standing at my table.
“Yes,” I wheezed, then pat-
ted my chest. “Something
went down the wrong pipe. I
think it might have been my
esophagus.”
After some nervous laugh-
ter, one of the girls said, “I’m
sure you saw us looking at
you. We didn’t want you to
think we were stalkers or
something.”
I nodded and took a sip of
soda, trying to act cool; pray-
ing it wouldn’t come out my
nose.
“It’s just that, from over
there, you looked exactly like
my Dad,” she explained, “and
I’m not supposed to be here.
If he knew I skipped classes
today for a concert he’d kill
me.”
And just like that, I was 50
again, racing to catch up with
my friend and his walker.
As they started to leave,
her friend turned back to me
and said, “Just so you know, I
told her you looked too
young to be her Dad.”
In that moment, I was
reminded that age is more
about what’s in your heart
than on a calendar. And
though that value meal may
have something to say about
what’s in my heart, keeping a
youthful sense of wonder-
ment about life says some-
thing a lot more important.
Well, relatively speaking,
anyway.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed
of Life,” is available online at
Port Hole Publications. Write to
him at nedhickson@icloud.com
PTA to host Color-a-Thon 5K in November
EMERGENCY SUTURING CLASS
The class is at
11:00 AM AND 2:00 PM
Saturday November 5, 2016.
Cost is only $25.00
per participant!
these factors was responsible
for the attention I was getting
from the two co-eds, I contin-
ued my meal feeling like I
was back in my late 20s, back
when metabolism kept things
like a small order of fries and
an 8-ounce shake from turn-
ing into an extra chin roughly
the size of a cow udder; back
when “harmless flirtation”
meant something other than
spending an hour on roller
skates without breaking a hip.
As I sat there eating, the
two co-eds got up from their
table and approached me,
smiling nervously.
This was something I had-
n’t anticipated.
I know this because my
throat, which had been in
mid-swallow, suddenly forgot
where my esophagus was. I
took a sip of soda thinking it
would jump-start the swal-
lowing process. Instead, the
soda backed up in my throat
before exiting through my
nasal cavity — which, thank-
fully, was too small to accom-
just burst through a rainbow.
The event is open to both
students and community mem-
bers and will be immediately
followed by the Fit Fair, also at
Siuslaw Middle School.
“Last year, one of our pri-
mary sources of funding
through an e-scrip program
was discontinued,” said Tiffany
Holdahl, president of the
Florence Community PTA.
In an effort to replace that
funding, the Color-a-Thon 5K
was born out of the hopes to
raise money and encourage
families to get out, get active
and have a little fun while sup-
porting the efforts of the PTA.
“We really hope Siuslaw
school families and community
members at-large will come
join us for what is sure to be
one bright and colorful morn-
ing,” said Holdahl.
The Florence Community
PTA supports all three schools
in the Siuslaw district through
funding and volunteers to sup-
port programs, equipment and
supplies that students and
teachers otherwise may not
have access to.
Discounted registration for
the Color-a-Thon 5K is avail-
able through Oct. 17, with a
$25 registration fee that
includes an event T-shirt (or
$20 without the T-shirt).
Registration packets are
available at the Siuslaw
Elementary School office or
Coastal Fitness.
Registration and fundraising
may also be completed online
at www.shop.schoolathon.org
/184253.
Americana ice chest winner announced
The Americana-styled ice
chest donated by Resto-Arts
located on Bay Street in his-
toric Old Town Florence went
to a new home recently, fol-
lowing the drawing held Sept.
30.
Pat Wondra of Florence was
the recipient of the red white
and blue cooler.
Designed and built by
Joanne and Frank Thomas of
Terrebonne, Ore., the ice chest
was donated by Tamara
Pohlman, owner of Resto-Arts.
“Honoring our Veterans is
important to me, and I really
appreciate what the Oregon
Coast Military Museum is
doing to honor the veterans of
our
community,”
said
Pohlman. “This was a way I
could help them do so.”
The proceeds of the raffle
were donated to the local mili-
tary museum.
The museum is located at
2145 Kingwood St. in
COURTESY PHOTO
Tamara Pohlman, owner of Resto-Arts, with Wayne
Sharpe of the Oregon Coast Military Museum
Florence, and open to the pub-
lic Thursday through Saturday,
from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.
More information is avail-
able by visiting www.oregon
coastmilitarymuseum.com.
CE, OREG R ON
FL OREN
COMMUNITY CALENDA
2017
$
Produced by the Siuslaw
s.com
News • www.thesiuslawnew
5
We are beginning
the work on
our beautiful
FLORENCE,
OREGON
2016/17
Community
Calendar!
We’d like to ask your help in making the calendar
more complete by emailing us your fundraising
events for the 2017 calendar year.
Th ere is no cost to non-profi t organizations
for the submission.
Note these are meant to be
‘save the date’ and memory ticklers.
Send your event/fundraiser information by
October 31st to: jbartlett@thesiuslawnews.com
In the subject line: 2017 calendar
Siuslaw News
We appreciate your
help in making the
upcoming calendar
better than ever!
CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK
which I will keep reminding
Ned
him until that sad day when,
Hickson unexpectedly, he knocks out