6 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MAY 11, 2016
Your home’s underbelly is no place to be manly
Ned
Hickson
There comes a time in
every man’s life when he
must set an example for his
son by crawling under the
house to fix something. This
must be done with apparent
fearlessness even though he
knows whatever needs fixing
is going to be located in the
darkest corner of the home’s
underbelly, probably behind a
spider web the size of a com-
mercial fishing net.
Many years ago, I used
plywood to seal up the under-
side of our home and stop
what I suspected were nightly
“rave” parties hosted by our
cat. These parties generally
started around 11:30 p.m.
and were held directly
beneath our bedroom floor,
where it sounded like 20 cats
playing “Twister.” Naturally,
I had no choice but to break
up these parties by getting
out of bed and shoving our
60-lb. Labrador headfirst
through the crawl space in
our closet floor.
My point is this: Sealing
things up stopped the cat par-
ties. Unfortunately, it also
turned the crawl space under
our home into a frightening
black void where, thanks to
evolution, a species of hairy,
sightless, spider-like rodents
with large fangs and the abil-
ity to mobilize telepathically
has nested, colonizing into
the hundreds.
Possibly even thousands.
I know this because I’ve
shined a flashlight down
there and — this is not an
exaggeration — I’m pretty
sure I saw something move.
It was this thought (along
with how I might turn a
butane lighter and a can of
my wife's hair spray into a
flame thrower) that came to
mind a few years later as my
son and I stared into the dark
opening of our crawl space.
“Is Mom making you go
down there?”
“Of course not,” I said.
“As man of the house, it’s my
duty to do things no one else
wants to do.”
My son thought about this
a minute. “But Mom tells you
what those things are, right?”
“Pretty much,” I said, then
dangled my feet over the
opening.
“What are you going to
DO down there?”
I explained that one of our
bathroom outlets wasn’t
working, and I thought it was
because something had
chewed through a wire.
“What chewed through it?”
Even then at age 11, my
son wasn’t ready for the
truth, which was that hordes
of slobbering, milky-eyed
creatures were waiting in the
dark, excreting a web-like
substance from their bulbous
posteriors and communicat-
ing with each other telepathi-
cally that a 180-lb. Happy
Meal was about to be served.
So, to preserve my son’s
innocence, I made something
up.
“Probably a squirrel did
it,” I said.
His expression relaxed as
he handed me the flashlight,
then offered a final piece of
advice. “If a squirrel lets you
pet him, he probably has
rabies.”
“Good tip,” I said and
eased down into the crawl
space.
Moving on my hands and
knees toward our bathroom,
it wasn’t long before I had
passed the point of no return.
This, of course, is when my
flashlight decided to blink
out. Throttling it with both
hands, I shook it back to life
just long enough to illumi-
nate the area above me —
including a dead squirrel dan-
gling from an electrical wire
by its teeth.
‘Lucia di Lammermoor’ comes to City Lights
Opera Preview
B Y J UDY S CHWARTZ
O
ne of opera’s most
beloved works,
“Lucia di
Lammermoor,” will be on the
big screen at City Lights
Cinemas on Wednes- day,
May 25, with a performance
at 6 p.m. An encore presenta-
tion will follow on Saturday,
May 28, at 11 a.m. This is the
third in the six-part 2015-16
opera series from London’s
Royal Opera House.
Written by Gaetano
Donizetti in 1835, the opera
is a perfect example of the
“bel canto” style of singing.
“Bel canto” (beautiful
singing) was introduced in
Italy in the 17th century and
characterized the works of
Bellini, Rossini and
Donizetti. The 17th, 18th and
early 19th centuries were
considered the bel canto era,
which then lost favor with the
advent of the Germanic style
of operatic singing, typified
by the works of Wagner.
“Lucia” is a “dramma tragi-
co” (tragic opera) in three acts.
The libretto is loosely based
upon Sir Walter Scott’s histori-
cal novel, “The Bride of
Lammermoor.” The story
focuses on the emotionally
fragile Lucia Ashton who is
caught in a feud between her
own family and that of the
Ravenswoods.
The setting is in the Lam-
mermuir Hills of Scotland
(Lammermoor) in the 17th
century. Lucia has fallen in
love with Edgardo Ravens-
wood, her brother Enrico’s
sworn enemy. Enrico is plan-
ning to marry his sister to the
wealthy Arturo Bucklaw,
whose money will allow
Enrico to keep his ancestral
home. Betrayed by her brother
into thinking Edgardo has
been unfaithful, she marries
Bucklaw, but at the wedding
Edgardo returns and is furious
with her.
The action that follows is
filled with violent tragedy,
anguish and ultimately death.
“Lucia” has some of the most
glorious music written in
opera along with an eerie, sin-
ister and heartbreaking mad
scene — probably the most
famous in the operatic reper-
toire. Historically, the “Mad
Scene” has been a vehicle for
sopranos who can technically
and expressively master the
demands of this piece, among
them Joan Sutherland and
Maria Callas.
Some sopranos perform the
scene “come scritto” (as writ-
ten) adding minimal ornamen-
tation to their interpretation.
Most sopranos add ornamen-
tation to demonstrate their
technical prowess, as was the
custom in the bel canto peri-
od. This involves adding trills,
turns, runs and cadenzas.
This opera is not to be
missed and is filled with some
of the most beautiful music
ever written. The Royal Opera
House cast is headed by
Diana Damrau, Charles
Castronovo and Ludovic
Tezier.
For more information, con-
tact City Lights Cinemas.
Tickets are $19 regular, $15
City Lights members and $10
students. All programs are
available for high school
screenings; contact City
Lights for details.
Sure, in retrospect,
attempting to defuse the situ-
ation by screaming uncon-
trollably may not have been
the “manly” thing to do.
However, I credit that mind-
numbing howl with scaring
off the spider-rodent crea-
tures long enough for me to
dislodge the squirrel and
repair the exposed wire.
Unfortunately, in all the
commotion, I also dropped
my wife’s hair spray —
which means I’ll have to go
back.
But only if she makes me.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed
of Life,” is available online
at Port Hole Publications,
Amazon Books and Barnes &
Noble. Write to him at nedhick
son@ icloud.com.
Florence Chamber seeks
board member nominations
The
Florence
Area
Chamber Board of Directors
is currently taking applica-
tions to fill three 3-year
vacancies on its Board of
Directors.
Applicants must be in good
standing as Florence Area
Chamber members, having
paid their dues and actively
participated in Chamber
activities or committees.
All board members are
expected to support the
Chamber’s mission to “cham-
pion the future of the greater
Florence community as an
innovative leader in econom-
ic vitality and active
lifestyle...” and goals by help-
ing to recruit new members,
supporting special events and
actively engaging in commit-
tees and programs.
The board meets the third
Thursday of every month at
7:30 a.m. at the Florence
Events Center, 715 Quince
St.
For anyone interested in
being considered for a board
seat, applications are avail-
able for download at
www.florencechamber.com,
or email bettina@florence
chamber.com to request a
form to be emailed.
Deadline for applications
is May 20.
Nominees will be an-
nounced May 25.
Chamber members will be
allowed to make their selec-
tion online until June 10.
For more information, call
541-997-3128.
(541)997-6000
www.RealEstateFlorence.com
PRICE REDUCTION
Newer custom home on private .47
acre lot in upscale Heceta South.
Trex deck with large front & back
porch. Bonus room
2 Bdrm + den, 2 Ba 2005 sqft
$369,000 BH7232 ML#16297575
NEW LISTING
Country living close to the beach
3 Bdrm, 2 Ba 1344 sq ft
$269,900 BH7226 ML#16151925
NEW LISTING
Palm Harbor immaculate custom
home. 38’ x 45’ garage w/RV park-
ing & bonus craft/hobby workshop.
Lots of upgrades
3 Bdrm, 2 ½ Ba 2469 sqft
$425,000 BH7230 ML#16361676
NEW LISTING
Wooded lot with native vegetation.
Manufactured or stick built. Close to
Sutton Lake
.49 acre
$35,000 BH7227 ML#16646489
PRICE REDUCTION
Recreational lakefront on Collard
Lake .47 acre, old growth trees,
seasonal creek, warm southern
exposure. Canoe, kayak,
paddleboat, swim, fi sh & picnic!
$65,000 BH7098 ML#15124919
NEW LISTING
Build your dream home on this
beautiful lot in subdivision of fi ne
homes. Common area for Ocean &
River enjoyment
.25 acre
$79,900 BH7192 ML#16125632
PRICE REDUCTION
Enjoy gated community living. Room
for all your treasures. Spacious living
room. Formal dining room or use as
family room. Bdrms at opposite ends
of the house
3 Bdrm, 2 Ba 1620 sqft
$179,000 BH7077 ML#15491034
In partnership with:
PRICE REDUCTION
Motivated seller to cash or
prequalifi ed buyers. Beautiful home
inside & out. Upgrades throughout
in this 3-5 bdrm very clean & neat
home. 2 car garage & RV parking
3-5 Bdrm, 2 ¾ Ba 1756 sqft
$214,900 BH7197 ML#16567076
Win $50,000 for a Home Update!
from Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices
AND we’re also giving away 12 weekly
prizes of $2,500! Contest ends June 17, 2016.
Enter for a chance to win at
LoveYourHomeSweeps.com
No purchase necessary. Enter once per day. See contest rules for details.
NEW LISTING
2 Houses on 1 lot!
3 Bdrm, 3 Ba, 1823 sq ft AND
2 Bdrm, 2 Ba, 984 sq ft
$359,000 BH7213 ML#16568583
Florence Branch | 1875 Hwy 101 | Florence, OR | (541) 997-6000 | www.RealEstateFlorence.com
© 2016 BHH Affi liates, LLC. An independently operated subsidiary of HomeServices of America, Inc., a Berkshire Hathaway affi liate, and a franchisee of BHH Affi liates, LLC. Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices and the Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices symbol are registered service marks of HomeServices of America, Inc.®
D EADLINE
FOR
P RESS R ELEASES I S E VERY M ONDAY
AND
T HURSDAY
BY
N OON . E MAIL P RESS R ELEASES @T HE S IUSLAW N EWS . COM .