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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13, 2016
Remote-controlled husbands part of scary ‘brave new world’
lem. I know this because 1)
Ned
They are our neighbors, and
Hickson therefore live as close to the
As I’ve mentioned before,
because of our home’s prox-
imity to the local wharf, from
time to time we have a prob-
lem with rodents. Now, when
I say “rodents,” I mean rats;
and when I say “problem,” I
mean finding mysterious
entries scrawled on our gro-
cery list that read:
Git mor cheeez
However, I know that we
aren’t alone in this, and that
our neighbors undoubtedly
have the same rodent prob-
wharf as we do, and 2)
Because we routinely lob
assorted cheese curds into
their yards before going to
bed.
[Note to neighbors: We are
NOT trying to entice the rats
from our house into yours;
we’re simply trying to entice
you to eat more cheese.]
That said, some recent dis-
coveries could change the
way we go about solving our
rat problem. According to a
recent article in the journal
Nature, researchers at the
State University of New York
have created the world’s first
living remote-controlled rat.
By implanting tiny electrodes
in rats’ brains, scientists can
command the rats to turn left
or right, climb trees, navigate
mazes and, in some cases,
stage dramatic light saber
duels while dressed as tiny
Star Wars characters.
The science involves three
electrodes, implanted at spe-
cific locations in the brain,
which are then triggered by a
remote device which produces
controlled responses in the rat.
Interestingly enough, this
very same technology is uti-
lized by many wives, who use
the TV remote to trigger con-
trolled responses from hus-
bands by switching the chan-
nel whenever they get up to
use the bathroom…
“Hey, what happened to the
game?”
“You weren’t watching it.”
“I was in the bathroom for
30 seconds!”
“Did you put the lid back
down?”
[Controlled response:]
“...I’ll go check.”
Understandably, there are
those who think that manipu-
lating rats (or husbands) is
inhumane, and that it is only
the first step toward an
“Orwellian” world of human-
control technology. While this
is certainly possible, others
argue that we can’t dismiss
the many practical applica-
tions that Robo-rats offer.
For example, Professor
Howard Eichenbaum of
Boston University says the
research “holds the promise of
using animals as couriers to
reach trapped victims.”
I don’t know about you, but
when trapped beneath a crum-
bled overpass, I can honestly
say a rat is just about the
LAST thing I want coming in
after me (not counting some-
one from FOX News.)
Don’t get me wrong. I’m
not saying that Robo-rats
don’t have their place. It just
Calling all artists for ‘Love of Animals’
The month of February will
include the second annual
“For the Love of Animals”
exhibit at Florence Events
Center (FEC).
This highly successful
event is a chance as an artistic
community to support the
local Florence Area Humane
Society (FAHS).
By renting a rod for $20 for
up to three paintings or photo-
graphs, artists can help get the
word out about the importance
of supporting shelter animals.
Beside each rod will be a
photo of an animal up for
adoption at the FAHS.
Artists will receive the pro-
ceeds of any artwork sold,
minus FEC commission. All
proceeds from the reception
on Friday, Feb. 12, from 10
a.m. to 2 p.m., will be donated
to FAHS.
While at the reception,
guests can buy raffle tickets to
win a voucher for a portrait of
their pet to be painted by well-
known local artist John
Leasure. The drawing will be
held at 2 p.m. Also, there will
be a photo booth set up for pet
photos, to be developed
Rotary fellowship
applications due Friday
COURTESY PHOTO
Oil painting by artist Ron Hildenbrand
almost instantly.
Complimentary
refresh-
ments will be served to
delight pet owners and their
pets, and there will be a bin
for donations of pet food for
the FAHS.
This exhibit will be a win-
win for all involved in this
annual event.
Artists are encouraged to
sign up for a rod by Monday,
Jan. 25, at the FEC. Display
cases will be available for 3-D
items relating to the animal
theme at $20 for up to three
items, space permitting.
Application forms are
available weekdays at the
FEC office, or on its website
at www.eventcenter.org.
doesn’t happen to be any-
where near ME.
Or my house.
But at my neighbors’ is
fine.
To be honest, it wouldn’t
exactly come as a shock.
Especially with all of that
cheese they’ve got lying
around.
Ned is a syndicated colum-
nist with News Media
Corporation. His book, Humor
at the Speed of Life, is avail-
able online at Port Hole
Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to
him
at
nedhickson@icloud.c om.
Are you a teacher or
nonprofit professional look-
ing for a chance to increase
your skills? Do you want to
bring an exciting new pro-
gram to your students or
clients that will require spe-
cialized training?
The Florence Rotary
Club’s Continuing Profes-
sional Education Fellowship
program is offering two
$2,000 fellowships to sup-
port local people who serve
the community.
The simple application is
due by Friday, Jan. 15, at 4
p.m.
To apply, visit www.the
florencerotary.org, select
“Club Links” from the left
menu
and
select
“Fellowship Grant.”
Seven years after the
Rotary Professional Edu-
cation grant first began,
more than a dozen local
teachers and nonprofit pro-
fessionals have received
training and education.
Here are some of the
results:
A middle school science
teacher attended a graduate-
level course at Portland State
University focused on engi-
neering and design educa-
tion.
An elementary-school
teacher who was struggling
to engage the highest and
lowest achievers in her class-
room used Rotary funding to
attend a national conference
about using tablets to manage
differentiated learning.
This approach advocates
the use of small workstations
throughout a classroom
where students can learn in
different ways — using a
computer or tablet, touching
or interacting with objects,
engaging in discussion or
pursuing individual study.
A counselor received
training to teach women and
children how to deal with and
prevent domestic abuse.
Anyone engaged in serv-
ing the community is eligi-
ble, and complete details
about the program are avail-
able online.
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