12 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2015
Bringing Zimbabwe and Snakegut, Ala., together
It’s not every day that I
receive an email from a
Zimbabwean prince who
needs help relocating $20
million into an American
bank account as soon as pos-
sible. In fact, in the five
weeks, I’ve only received this
letter maybe eight times. In
each case, the letter explains
that I’ve been chosen because
I’m reputed to be a “depend-
able and trustworthy” person.
Given that this letter is
always addressed to “Dear Sir
or Madam,” I can only
assume that my reputation is
in fact so great that I no
longer need an actual name.
Each time I’ve gotten this
email, I’ve deleted it because,
of dollars into the online
account of a complete
stranger? And what if my
wife found out that I’d delet-
ed his letter nine times?
And what if, after discover-
ing this, she was sitting next
me when 20/20 began telling
the story of how Booger
Jones of Snakegut, Ala.,
became a multi-millionaire
after figuring out how to
access HIS online bank
account to help a
Zimbabwean prince?
(And furthermore, why is it
that, even after using Spell
Check, the word
“Zimbabwean” still looks
wrong?)
Because of these nagging
questions, I decided to do a
little investigative work and
make absolutely sure there
was no “Booger Jones” living
anywhere in Alabama.
To my surprise, I found 14
of them.
Which is why I decided to
answer Prince Mbagi’s plea
for help.
Now, in order for you to
fully understand the scope of
his situation, I will summa-
rize:
Prince Mbagi, the son of a
wealthy Zimbabwean farmer
killed by members of the
South African government, is
trying to find someone in
America who will “inherit”
his family fortune in order to
keep President Mugabe from
stealing it. As a show of
appreciation, this person will
receive $5 million and a free
cell phone.
The only thing Prince
Mbagi needs is an online
account to transfer his mil-
lions to.
I know what you’re think-
ing, and NO — I had no
intention of forking over my
account number to a complete
stranger until I could verify
that the cell phone also came
with free minutes.
The first step was to con-
tact Prince Mbagi at kmba-
gi@phantomemail.com,
which, I discovered, is an e-
mail service providing “com-
pletely anonymous internet
accounts.”
Naturally, this made perfect
sense for someone in his dire
situation.
What didn’t make sense
was that I needed a password
in order to leave a message.
Because I didn’t know it, I
did the next logical thing —
which was to try cracking the
secret password by entering
random combinations of the
word “Booger.”
Not really; that would be
silly.
I contacted the webmaster,
explaining that I was trying to
help a Zimbabwean prince
looking for someone who
could be trusted with $20 mil-
lion.
His reply was swift:
I have no idea what you’re
talking about.
Best of luck.
- Booger Jones.
Needless to say, I didn’t
make contact with Prince
Mbagi. I did, however, learn
how to spell “Zimbabwean.”
Wait ... See what I mean?
It still looks wrong.
Ned is a syndicated colum-
nist with News Media
Corporation.
His
book,
“Humor at the Speed of Life,”
is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon
Books and Barnes & Noble.
Write to him at nedhickson
@icloud.com
CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK
Ned
Hickson
let’s be honest: Who wants to
spend time figuring out how
to access their online bank
account? I’m doing good to
make a deposit after my wife
forges my name and fills
everything out for me.
I have no intention of
adding to that headache (or
potential jail time) by making
a cross-continental transfer of
millions of dollars from
Zimbabwe.
Besides, having our check-
ing account suddenly jump to
over $20 million — I think —
would look a little suspicious.
I’m sorry Mr. Hickson, but
you don’t have money in your
account to cover ... Oh, wait a
minute. Scratch that. Will this
bagel be everything?
At the same time, what if
it were true?
What if there really WAS a
South African prince desper-
ately trying to move millions