8 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2015
If your name is Larry, we’ve got a bad connection
The Hansons, for example,
Ned
call whenever they change
Hickson their mind about what color
There are three things I
know about “Larry.”
He is a contractor; he lives
somewhere in Multnomah
County; and he has the same
cell phone number that I do.
The calls started about a
month ago, presumably about
the time “Larry” got his con-
tractor’s license and began
making bids. Since then, he
has been a busy man, picking
up jobs and making sure that
his clients know they can call
him any time. Day or night.
For any reason at all.
Which they do — to my
cell phone.
tile to use around the bidet in
their new bathroom. For the
Gilmores, deciding between
cedar shakes or aluminum
siding requires at least one
consultation a day. And the
Reynolds are still contemplat-
ing the ripple effect of
kitchen cabinets without
knobs.
Mrs. Reynolds thinks
knobs would make their
kitchen look more inviting;
Mr. Reynolds believes not
having knobs would stymie
their 2-year-old and keep him
out of the cabinets for at least
another year.
Over the course of the last
month, I’ve gone from polite-
ly explaining that there is no
“Larry” at this number, to a
more direct approach, which
is that “Larry” died — killed
in a freak shop-vac accident
that was a gruesome, yet
impressive, testimonial to the
workmanship of Black &
Decker products.
I was certain that this tragic
revelation would solve my
problems. That was until the
calls started up again, no
doubt after “Larry’s” apparent
resurrection from a 3-gallon-
capacity shop-vac canister.
This left me only one
choice.
When the Hansons called
this afternoon asking for
advice from “Larry” about
their decision to use apricot-
colored tile around the bidet
in their new bathroom, I told
them, as their contractor, they
could save themselves a tidy
sum of money by simply pur-
chasing a better brand of toi-
let paper.
Click — dial tone.
One down.
For the Gilmores, who
were still agonizing over the
decision between cedar
shakes or aluminum siding, I
suggested ditching the house
for a double-wide trailer cov-
ered in simulated wood panel-
ing and accented with a fence
made out of used shipping
pallets.
Click — dial tone.
Two down.
The next time the phone
rang, I snatched it up on the
first ring.
“Larry speaking.”
It was the Reynolds, look-
ing for help on reaching a
final decision about those
kitchen cabinet knobs.
“It seems to me that the
perfect combination would be
something inviting and decep-
tively hard to open,” I said,
and heard the Reynoldses
agree. “Might I suggest
installing some beautiful
ceramic knobs on your cabi-
nets, then nailing the doors
completely shut.”
Mrs. Reynolds hesitated
before asking, “And where
are we supposed to store our
dishes?”
“Hey, I’m offering a solu-
tion! If you want to bicker
over functionality, find anoth-
er contractor!” I snapped.
There was an awkward
silence before Mr. Reynolds
grabbed the phone. “What
kind of nails would you sug-
gest?”
Click — dial tone.
Though I hung up on them
I do plan on calling them
back at some point.
In the meantime, if “Larry”
happens to be reading this,
please call me so we can
straighten this whole mess
out.
You know the number.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
‘Now you has jazz’ in Florence
‘Miles To Go
Quartet’
Review
B Y B URNEY G ARELICK
I
f the great Louis Armstrong
were alive and in Florence
in 2015, he would say it
again: Now you has jazz!
Because, within the glow of
City Lights Cinemas, a live
band often performs the best
jazz this side of heaven.
Named for another jazz trum-
peter, Miles To Go Quartet has
been dazzling crowds on stage
in the Chaplin theater this year.
With the music of Duke
Ellington,
Monk,
Sonny
Rollins, Oscar Pettiford, Paul
Desmond, Rodgers and Hart,
Harry Warren and others, the
quartet swings with the
warmest melodies and the
coolest improvisations.
Miles To Go jazz beaux are:
Nate Kaplan, drums; Ron
Green, trumpet and flugelhorn;
Michael Anderson, acoustic
string bass and occasional vel-
vet vocals; and Gus Russell,
keyboard wizard.
If the whole is greater than
the sum of its parts, the
quartet needs a yet-to-be
spoken superlative because
its parts claim all the glowing
adjectives.
Miles To Go captures a
melody, often familiar, then
spins it to the four corners, and
brings it back on time and in
splendor.
Now you has jazz!
On Sept. 17, the quartet
shared the stage with three girl
singers — three women well
known in the Florence arts
community.
In the second set between
instrumentals,
Florence’s
nightingales each performed a
ballad d’amour. Judy Adams
crooned “The Nearness of
You”; Denise Dee delivered a
torchy, sassy “Save Your Love
For Me”; and Nancy Pearson
defined “But Beautiful.”
Indeed.
Beautiful music played and
sung by beautiful performers in
beautiful acoustics. It doesn’t
get any better.
At the end of the two hours,
an
enthusiastic
audience
clapped for more.
The quartet encored with a
slam bam “Caravan,” giving
Kaplan an opportunity to turn
loose on the traps.
Miles To Go plans to return
to City Lights in November.
Watch the cinema schedule, and
drive your own caravan over
the dunes to see and hear Miles
To Go Quartet.
If the A Train came West, its
destination depot would be
Florence — where you has
jazz ...
L L E E O
O M
M L L I I D D
T O T T R T R O
N E E Y Y
A A T T A
T A
N O
T O
N E R E R Y Y N
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:,//6¬352%$7(/,9,1*758675(9,6,216
40 Years Lane County
Legal Experience
10 Year Coast Resident
997-9983
216 Nopal Street (Old Town)
Windjammer Salon Welcomes
Valerie Clairissa Paxston
Clairissa is Accepting New Clients
Friday and Saturday appointments welcome!
541-513-9351
• Graduate of Paul
Mitchell
Hair Academy, Ren
o.
• Specializes in cut
and color,
gel and polished nai
ls
• Siuslaw High Gra
duate.
www.facebook.com/hairandnailsbyValerieClairissa
How bulk cooking can make meals easier
Healthy family meals can get lost in the shuffl e of busy
schedules. Convenience may win out when parents are short on
time, and it’s hard not to be enticed by the ease of fast food or the
lure of frozen foods. While these options are certainly fi ne on
occasion, there is a more nutritious solution for time-crunched
families.
Planning is a big part of enjoying a homecooked meal,
and cooking in bulk can help families enjoy more homecooked
meals. By thinking ahead about meals, you can more easily
enjoy homecooked dinners than if you were to wait until the last
minute to think about what’s for dinner.
If bulk cooking is a foreign concept, the following are some
resources to help you along.
• Get started by browsing cookbooks, online recipes or
speaking with friends and family members about their favorite
meals, especially those that may be popular with younger eaters.
Concentrate on a specifi c meal each day. Dinner is the meal
many families hope to share, as breakfast and lunch are oft en
eaten outside of the home. Make a list of the ingredients that go
into your family’s favorite meals, selecting recipes that use many
of the same ingredients.
• Wait until you have a free schedule and ample time to go to
the store to shop for all of your supplies. Have a list on hand and
check off each item as you fi nd it. Cooking in bulk also means
you can buy in bulk. Very oft en bulk-size foods are discounted,
saving you both time and money. Shop for the staples that are
needed for most meals, including fresh herbs, cheese, spices, oil,
and whatever fl avorings your family fi nds most appealing. Large
bags of rice and potatoes also are handy to have available.
• Take advantage of warehouse club membership fees or
manufacturer or store coupon deals on multiple buy specials.
Buying jumbo-sized packages of food makes more sense when
you intend to cook in bulk.
• Clean out the refrigerator and freezer, as you will need
plenty of room to store your ingredients, and later, your prepared
meals. Figure out when you will be doing the cooking so you
know what will need to be refrigerated or frozen once you return
from the supermarket.
• Establish a dedicated cooking day. Many bulk cookers cook
on the weekend. You may be able to have a spouse or friend take
the children for the day so there will be no interruptions.
• Gather all items that need to be chopped or sliced and set
them aside. Leave ample time to chop or slice, which can take a
lot of time. Use all of your available cooking resources, such as
the grill, stovetop, oven, and slow cooker, at once. Th en just drop
the ingredients in as necessary.
• Have plenty of freezer-safe storage containers on hand.
Divvy up the meals into containers and label clearly. Now each
day of the week you have a fast meal that can be heated up in no
time. Fresh bread and a salad may be the only other components
you need.
G IVEAWAY
September 28, 2015
WE NOW HAVE CRAFT BEER ON TAP
FRIDAY Three Cheese Cavatappi Pasta
served with grilled chicken and broccoli.
SATURDAY: Surf and Turf Grilled rib eye steak served
with 3 spicy shrimp and 3 spicy scallops,
Yukon mashers and seasonal veggies.
Open for Lunch & Dinner • Lunch Specials Daily
Reservations Suggested.
165 M APLE S T . • 541-997-9811•
Hi, Welcome Restaurant
to
®
~ FEATURED LOW-CARB SELECTIONS ~
Simply the Best
PASTA
Sample our chef’s irresistible pasta creations
like crab stuffed ravioli, portobello mushroom
ravioli, pesto linguini, & baked lasagna
(541) 902-8338
Hours: Monday-Sunday 11:00am to Close
Happy Hour: Monday-Friday 3:00pm to 5:00pm
The Grill & Lounge
at Sandpines
ONLY $12.95
One Pound of Steamer Clams in a
Chardonnay, Garlic, Butter Sauce,
And Served with Garlic Toast
ONLY $11
SHRIMP SKEWERS: 2 Grilled Shrimp Skewers
All of the above are served with
Green Beans or Mixed Steamed Veggies and a Shrimp Dinner Salad
1285 Bay Street
in Old Town Florence
Serving breakfast, lunch, dinner
Seven days a week.
Hours: 7 a.m. – 9 p.m.
CALL: 541-997-8263
September Saturday Night
Dinner Special
CHICKEN BREAST: Boneless, Skinless Breast of Chicken
Where good friends &
great food come together!
S urfside Restaurant
PARMESAN CRUSTED
PETRALE SOLE DINNER
SALMON: Grilled, Poached, or Blackened
Reservations
welcome
ENTER TODAY!
WWW . MAPLESTREETGRILLE . COM
Mo’s
Mo’s
●4 Tickets to Mariners vs. Kansas City Royals
●Stay FREE at the
Best Western Plus Plaza on the Green, Seattle
and for dessert...
NEW COBBLER
ITEMS $4.25
MARIONBERRY OR PEACH
Every Month Mo's has brought in special "Motivation for Kids"
BBQ PORK RIBS: Baby Back Pork Ribs with
tables which raise money for local charities that are devoted to helping
the wellbeing of local children.
This Gang
month C.R.O.W
is the local
James
BBQ Sauce
charity being honored.
the
BLACKENED SALMON CEASAR SALAD
Mo’s Old
Town, Florence • Daily 11 am - 8 pm
®
Mo’s
Town,
Florence
• Daily
11 am - 8 pm
Serving Old
Bowls
of comfort
for Over
50 Years
Serving Bowls of comfort for Over 50 Years • 541-997-2185
1201 35th Street at Kingwood, Florence
Highway 101 & 35 St.
541-997-4623