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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, JULY 1, 2015
Fireworks restrictions take excitement out of having facial hair
The bravest kids would
Ned
spin them like propellers,
Hickson knowing full well their eye-
First, the good news:
According to the National
Council on Fireworks Safety,
fireworks-related injuries
have dropped by 75 percent
in the past decade.
The bad news, as anyone
over the age of 30 can tell
you, is that today’s fireworks
are about as exciting to watch
as a pile of smoldering pencil
shavings. For example, it
used to be that “sparklers”
actually sparkled. They show-
ered the air with tiny crack-
ling embers so bright you
could see them through your
eyelids.
brows would grow back by
mid summer.
My kids don’t believe me
when I tell them this. That’s
because, each July Fourth,
they are handed “sparklers”
that are basically sticks of
incense that smell like sulfur.
No crackle. No shower of
sparks.
Just a momentary flame as
the paper wick ignites then —
upon reaching its climactic
flash point — fizzles into a
puff of flatulent-smelling
smoke.
Note: In the event you hap-
pen to purchase a defective
sparkler, and find yourself the
unwitting victim of actual
spark-spitting action, DO
NOT PANIC.
Call the NCFS hotline
immediately so your rogue
sparkler can be safely
deposited in a special, undis-
closed location three miles
beneath the Mojave Desert. If
there’s no time to drive to the
desert because, say, you live
in Michigan, you will be
instructed on how to disarm
the sparkler yourself.
This will mean transporting
it to an unpopulated area and,
utilizing protective gear and
the most extreme caution,
dipping it into a glass of
water.
Several times if necessary.
Those of you who live in
Alabama or Tennessee have
no idea what I’m talking
about. That’s because you
have real fireworks. The kind
that childhood memories (and
a good portion of our nation’s
first-strike capabilities) are
made of. In addition, the only
real restrictions you have are
as follows:
1) If a skyrocket is longer
than your boat trailer, it must
be flagged during transport.
2) You must, by law,
inform neighbors when using
any fireworks that require a
dynamite plunger.
3) Though there is no limit
to the number of M-80s you
can join together with a single
fuse, the Department of
Homeland Security warns it
can’t be held responsible
should your area, as a precau-
tionary measure, be swept
with heat-seeking missiles.
4) If you have studded
tires, you must remove them.
This has nothing to do with
fireworks; it’s just a friendly
reminder from the folks at the
Highway Department.
And lastly,
5) Any and all skyrockets
capable of leaving southern
air space must be pointed
north.
The fact is, even though I
whine about having wimpy
fireworks here in Oregon, at
least we have them. In
Georgia, they are illegal. This
means watching public fire-
works displays or, as many
Georgians do, going outside
and facing Alabama. Even
though these displays are
beautiful, it's still not the
same as being knocked
unconscious by a runaway
ground flower.
Being as I lived in Atlanta
for six years, I can tell you
illegal fireworks do make
their way across the Alabama
border.
This, of course, is a huge
problem.
Especially if your boat
trailer isn’t big enough.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
On Sunday, at 4 p.m., singer-
songwriter Matt Nakoa will
perform at Yachats Community
Presbyterian Church.
Nakoa grew up on a small
goat farm in central New York
and began composing music as
a teenager.
Following a formative stint
as a concert pianist, he won a
scholarship to attend Berklee
College of Music in Boston
Massachusetts.
While there, Nakoa worked
alongside a veritable “who’s
who” of soon-to-be industry
darlings, including St. Vincent,
Esperanza Spaulding and
members of the bands Karmin
and Lucius.
After school, Nakoa wrote
music and toured with his
Berklee-bred band, The Fens.
His first solo release, 2012’s
“Light in the Dark,” was
received by fans as an eclectic
pop-rock masterpiece, while
Nakoa’s latest studio album,
“A Dozen Other Loves,”
(2014), explores a mainly
acoustic palette.
This acoustic avenue has led
to steady folk radio airplay and
performances with veteran
songsmiths Patty Larkin, Ellis
Paul and Tom Rush.
Nakoa has also collaborated
with Grammy award winner
Kathy Mattea.
An engaging performer,
Nakoa tours internationally;
recently giving concerts at The
White House and throughout
India. He is a 2014 Kerrville
Folk Festival New Folk
Winner and The Falcon Ridge
Folk Festival Most Wanted
Artist.
Additionally, Nakoa’s piano
music has received favorable
reviews in publications includ-
ing The New York Times.
WFUV Radio called Nakoa
“The discovery of the year: a
supremely gifted singer-song-
writer-guitarist-pianist…”
Yachats Community Pres-
byterian Church is featuring
the musician, performer and
songwriter.
The show will be held in the
church sanctuary. Doors open
at 3:30 p.m.
Admission is free and
refreshments will be served
during intermission.
The church is located at:
360 W Seventh St. in Yachats.
returns in July
lunch at the boat ramp area
between the second and third
bridge at noon. Dinner will be
at 7:30 p.m. at Pier Point Inn.
It will be buffet style.
For more information, con-
tact Bill Libby at broncos.7
@live.com.
face painting, and more.
Hours are Saturdays, 10
a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sundays,
11 a.m. to 5 p.m.
The market runs weekends
through Oct. 4.
I N BRIEF
Summer hours begin
at LCC
Lane Community College
Florence Center will close on
Mondays and Fridays for the
summer through Friday, Aug.
13.
The Center is open
Tuesday, Wednesday and
Thursday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Van Fans to meet at
Shorewood today
The next monthly meeting
and luncheon for the Van Fans
will be today, July 1, at The
Shorewood on Spruce Street
at 11:45 a.m.
For more information or to
volunteer, contact Karen Lee
at 541-997-9669.
The third semiannual
Colorado Picnic is being
planned for Sunday, July 19,
from noon to 6 p.m., at the
Woahink Lake picnic meeting
place on Canary road
Bring a dish to share and
your favorite Colorado sto-
ries.
Anyone with a Colorado
connection is invited.
For more information, call
Donna Dobson at 541-997-
7383.
SHS Class of 1975
planning reunion
Siuslaw High School Class
of 1975’s 40th reunion will
be Saturday, Aug. 15.
There will be a potluck
Habitat is seeking
yard-sale donations
Boardwalk Market
now open
The Florence Boardwalk
Market is now open. The mar-
ket is located adjacent to the
Port of Siuslaw Boardwalk at
Bay and Nopal streets.
Local and regional vendors
sell produce, handmade
crafts,
pottery,
baskets,
Oregon-specialty products,
gemstones, rocks and miner-
als, jewelry, plants, clothing,
art, photography, blown glass,
Habitat for Humanity’s Faith
Relations Committee is hold-
ing a sale to raise money for
home construction and repair.
Donations of all types
(except clothing) are needed.
Contact Florence Habitat at
541-902-9227 or Shirley
Kilmer at 541-997-4010 to
arrange a time to deliver your
donations. The sale will be
tomorrow through Saturday,
July 2-4, at 2075 40th St.,
from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., daily.
Free, On-Site Consulting to
Reduce Waste and Save Money.
Ride with Councilor
Lyddon July 7
JOIN THE CROWD Autohaus • bell+funk • Brothers Cleaning Services • Bulk
Handling Systems • Burley • Cafe Yumm! • Catalyst Technologies • Cawood • Creswell
Coffee Company • The Divine Cupcake • ElderHealth and Living • Emberex • Essex General
Construction • Eugene Area Chamber of Commerce • Eugene Backyard Farmer • Eugene
Coffee Company • EuroAsian Automotive • Evergreen Nutrition • FedEx Ground • First
Congregational Church UCC • Full Access • Glory Bee Foods • The Good Son • Green
Solutions Printing • HEROweb Marketing and Design • Hilton Eugene • Holy Cow • Hot
Mama’s Wings • Hummingbird Wholesale • Jones & Roth • Kraig’s Janitorial Service
and Kraig’s Carpet Cleaning • Lane County Historical Society and Museum • Lane Transit
District • Life Technologies • Long Tom Watershed Council • Mount Pisgah Arboretum
• Mountain Rose Herbs • The Nature Conservancy • Nearby Nature • NEDCO • New
Dream Child Care Center • 9Wood • Old Dominion Collision Repair • Oregon Community
Credit Union-Main Office and Downtown Branch • Oregon Eye Surgery Center • Oregon
Research Institute • Out On A Limb Gallery • Pacific Women’s Center • Parenting Now!
• Passionflower Design • Planned Parenthood of Southwestern Oregon • Potter Decals
• Presentation Design Group • QSL Print Communications • Rainbow Valley Design &
Construction • Rural Development Initiatives • Saturday Market • SeQuential Biofuels
• ShelterCare • Shelton Turnbull • So Delicious Dairy Free • South Lane Mental Health
• Sperry Tree Care • Springfield Chamber of Commerce • Stadium Automotive • Steve
Smith Photography • Sundance Natural Foods • Sustainable Wealth Management • Sweet
Life Patisserie • Tactics Boardshop • Three Rivers Casino and Hotel • Uncommon Scents
• Unique Properties • The UPS Store, Springfield • The UPS Store • University of Oregon
• Vanilla Jill’s • Vox Public Relations Public Affairs • Western Environmental Law Center •
Westminster Presbyterian Church • Willamette Massage •
Hop aboard and talk to
Councilor George Lyddon on
the next Ride with a
Councilor Day, July 7, from
1:10 to 3:10 p.m., on the
Rhody Express.
Fares for the Rhody
Express are $1 per trip or $2
per day.
Coastal Women Vets
to lunch July 10
The
Coastal
Women
Veterans will be holding its
July luncheon at Morgan’s
Country Kitchen, 85020
Highway 101, on Friday, July
10, at 11:30 a.m.
All military women are
invited and encouraged to
attend.
RSVP to Nancy Coughlan
at 541-997-4403 or email
ncoughlan@aol.com.
5995913Y07
Colorado Picnic
CALL NOW: 541-746-3023
CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK
Singer-songwriter Nakoa performs Sunday in Yachats