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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 2015
Hey, snoring is the sign of a seasoned journalist...
or four hours with no real
Ned
memory of what I’ve been
Hickson writing. I assure my editor
Every journalist has a rou-
tine. For example, I always
write my column early in the
morning. The earlier the bet-
ter. That’s because, generally
speaking, I’m not awake yet.
Sure, I may be drinking
coffee and typing, but if you
were to monitor my brain
activity, it would register
somewhere between an earth-
worm and the average
American watching “The
Bachelorette” (and yes, I’m
an average American).
Admittedly, my brain does-
n't open for business until
about 10 a.m. By then, I’ve
been at the keyboard for three
this unique quirk is the sign
of a seasoned professional.
And he assures me the rea-
son we need to keep replacing
my keyboard is because, at
least once a month, he finds
me facedown drooling on the
return key.
That may be true, but I
tend to do my best work
under pressure. And there’s
nothing like the pressure of
trying to finish a column
before saliva short-circuits
your keyboard.
In addition to a lack of
cognizance, I also prefer writ-
ing early in the morning
because there aren’t any dis-
tractions, like... oh, I don’t
know... say, being blinded by
a crazed fly?
The truth is, this column
was going to be a stunning
piece of social commentary. I
had planned to utilize all the
tools I’ve acquired as a
columnist (namely, spell-
check and the “delete” button,
assuming it hasn’t been
drooled on) to discuss a little-
known but steadily growing
segment of the voting popula-
tion:
Chihuahuas who have mis-
takenly been issued voter reg-
istration cards in Florida.
Anyone who has written
Pulitzer Prize-winning materi-
al will tell you it takes an
incredible amount of concen-
tration and skill to produce
work of such significance.
I know.
As a recipient of the
Putziler Prize for “Most
Consistent Use of Spelling
Errors” in 1999, I was, quite
literally, only a few scram-
bled letters away from a
Pulitzer myself. In keeping
with that standard, I
should’ve been able to finish
my Chihuahua column in
spite of being the unwitting
target of a psychopathic fly.
I have no excuse other than
to say, before this experience,
I would’ve never considered
sealing up my cubicle and
installing an air-lock door
complete with retinal scanner
and emergency fly swatter.
It actually started out like
any other annoying man-Vs-
fly situation.
Fly lands on hand.
Hand shoos fly away.
Then, and without warning:
Fly attacks eyeball.
Things immediately moved
into the realm of Alfred
Hitchcock Presents, complete
with — I must admit —
screaming that would’ve
frightened Janet Leigh.
In all fairness, I now had
only ONE good eye, which
limited my peripheral vision
and put me at a distinct disad-
vantage to the fly which, as
we all know, has enough eyes
to see in all directions at once
— including behind — which
is the direction I happened to
be running from.
Yes, I probably should’ve
stood my ground.
And if he hadn't blinded
my other eye, I probably
would have. However, as I
stood there swinging blindly
at the fly with a rolled up
magazine, I realized two
important things precisely in
this order:
1) I looked like a Star Wars
fanatic pretending to be in
Jedi training.
2) Someone could walk
through the door at any
minute.
Because of this, the
Pulitzer Prize committee will
have to wait. In the mean-
time, I still have a chance at
another Putziler, depending
on how I spelled
“Chihuahua.”
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
Local ham radio operators to have ‘Field Day’
Florence ham radio opera-
tors will join thousands of ama-
teur radio operators across the
U.S. and Canada to demon-
strate their effectiveness and
proficiency in providing criti-
cal communications after a cat-
astrophic event such as an
earthquake or tsunami.
On the weekend of June 27-
28, members of the Central
Oregon Coast Amateur Radio
Club (COCARC) will establish
four amateur radio stations
capable of communicating all
over the world at Sutton
Campground in group area A.
Beginning at 11 a.m. on
Saturday, June 27, local hams
will operate these stations con-
tinuously for 24 hours until
Sunday, June 28, at 11 a.m.
During that time they will
communicate with other sta-
tions in Canada, the United
States and Oceania to test abil-
ities, equipment and practices.
One station will be dedicated
to public education and infor-
mation, where members of the
public are invited to “get on the
air.”
This year the club will be
assisting members of Troop
777 of the Boy Scouts of
America to obtain their radio
merit badges.
This will be an exciting edu-
cational experience for the
members, and for fire and
police department staff, city
staff and the community at
large.
Field Day is the largest ama-
teur radio event in the world.
Last year, more than 2,700
different groups and more than
40,000 licensed operators all
across the US and Canada par-
ticipated in this event.
This year, ham operators
will construct emergency radio
stations at fire stations, parks,
shopping malls, schools and
back yards all around the coun-
try.
The Amateur Radio slogan,
“When All Else Fails, Ham
Radio Works” is more than just
words.
Hams will again demon-
strate their ability to send mes-
sages in many forms without
the use of phone systems, inter-
net or any other infrastructure
that may be compromised in a
crisis.
Over the past several years,
the news of catastrophic events
around the world and here at
home have summoned ham
operators to volunteer their
skill and equipment to aid in
saving lives and protecting
property.
There are more than 700,000
FCC licensed Amateur Radio
operators in the U.S., and more
than 2.5 million around the
world. Hams voluntarily, and at
no charge, provide emergency
communications for thousands
of state and local emergency
response agencies.
COCARC maintains and
operates emergency communi-
cations stations at the Florence
Justice Center and the Siuslaw
Valley Fire and Rescue hall, as
well as adjunct equipment in
other community facilities in
town and a powerful 2-meter
repeater on Herman Peak.
Wildfires, blizzards, floods,
earthquakes, tsunamis; all these
and more are the events Hams
endeavor to prepare for and
Field Day is a valuable tool to
exercise and cultivate readiness
and capabilities.
The
Central
Oregon
Amateur Radio Club invites
the public to participate in
Field Day 2015.
Vickie
“ I like this job . They are nice and
let me do my job . ”
– Vickie, employee, Eugene Water & Electric Board
Promoting community jobs for people
with developmental disabilities
Read more
about Vickie’s
success story:
IRUPHUO\3UXGHQWLDO3DFL¿F3URSHUWLHV
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