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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MAY 27, 2015
Anger issues? Don’t beat yourself up over it
shiitake mushrooms?
Ned
The answer, of course, is
Hickson that there IS no difference, at
Hello and welcome to
another edition of our special
in-depth medical feature
“Health Yak!”
Today we will be dis-
cussing a study that suggests
as many as 16 million
Americans — or roughly the
number of people who never
receive their appetizers during
an average season of Hell’s
Kitchen — suffer from peri-
odic outbursts of anger.
I know what you’re think-
ing: What makes this different
from a typical outburst of
anger, like when I open the
air vent in my car and release
a cloud of spores the size of
least not until someone funds
a clinical study, at which
point it becomes an official
“disorder” treatable by a new
drug with minor side effects,
such having your liver grow
to the size of Shaquille
O’Neal’s seat cushion.
According to Dr. Emil
Coccaro of the University of
Chicago's medical school,
what used to be known as
“road rage” has now escalated
into a nationwide problem
called Intermittent Explosive
Disorder. By definition, IED
involves “outbursts that are
out of proportion to the situa-
tion.”
For example: Let’s say
you’re at a drive-thru trying
to order a bacon cheeseburger
and, for the seventh-straight
time, the person taking your
order insists there is no one
named “Macon the Sheep
Herder” working there, and to
please place your order.
And let’s say, in frustration,
you exit your vehicle and rip
the image of a cheeseburger
directly from the menu board
and begin gnawing on it,
causing those in line behind
you to drive off through the
patio area.
Chances are, you could be
an IED sufferer.
According to Dr. Coccaro,
his conclusion was based on
the results of a nationwide,
face-to-face survey of 9,282
adults who were scored based
on their response to highly
formulated and complex diag-
nostic observations, such as
“I’m guessing most dogs
would probably introduce
themselves by sniffing your
face.”
Amazingly, all 9,282 par-
ticipants in the study were
identified as IED sufferers.
“Obviously, the disorder is
more widespread than we
thought,” stated Coccaro, who
then added, “You got a prob-
lem with that?!”
To determine if you might
be an IED sufferer, answer
“Yes” or “No” to each of the
following scenarios:
1) When my computer
crashes, I try to remain calm
by thinking about the solitude
and freedom of skydiving,
ascending through the clouds,
and then letting my computer
drop from 1,800 feet, into a
lake.
2) On at least one occasion,
I have attempted to affect
change and contact someone
in our nation’s capitol by
yelling at the top of my lungs.
3) I find it difficult to
remain calm when, after pay-
ing $40 for gas, I have to pay
another 25 cents for AIR.
4) Because I have been told
it is an important social issue
facing our nation, I am frus-
trated by my inability to real-
ly care if another “50 Shades”
book is ever written.
And lastly,
5) Recently, I have been
performing yoga as a way to
limber up before handing out
a good butt-whoopin'.
OK, tally your score by
giving yourself one point for
“No” and two points for
SOS receives donation from Unitarians
The Florence Unitarian
Universalist
Fellowship
(FUUF) chooses a different
nonprofit organization to sup-
port each quarter.
This past quarter, the recipi-
ent organization was Siuslaw
Outreach Services (SOS).
FUUF representative Steve
Earnshaw presented SOS exec-
utive director David Wiegan
with a check for $1,068.
“We obviously appreciate
every dollar we receive, and
donations are a significant part
of our annual budget,” said
Wiegan. “But equally impor-
tant, we are so thankful to be
remembered and to receive this
kind of support over time.
“All of the donations we
receive are used to benefit our
local community, and the needs
have continued to increase here
each year. Thanks to all,” he
added.
“Yes.”
Answer key: If you took
the time to actually answer
any of these questions you are
an IED sufferer. According to
the study, you should go
ahead and join the millions of
Americans already on some
type of anti-depressant.
And if you have a problem
with that, you know where
you can find me!
I’ll be waiting right here in
the lotus position.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
When “That
will never
happen
to me”
happens.
Sue Gilday Insurance Agcy Inc
Sue Gilday, Agent
1275 Rhododendron Drive
Florence, OR 97439
Bus: 541-997-7161
I’m ready to help.
There’s never a good time
for an accident to happen. But
when it does, you can count on
me to be there quickly so you
can get your life back to
normal.
GET TO A BETTER STATE .
CALL ME TODAY.
™
COURTESY PHOTO
FUUF representative Steve Earnshaw (right) presents SOS Executive Director David
Wiegan with a check for $1,068.
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