SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15, 2015
7 A
Having a teen driver has its advantages... right? Anyone?
simply a right to pass out —
Ned
preferably before they can
Hickson make it into the passenger
For teens, getting a driver’s
permit symbolizes a rite of
passage toward independence.
For parents, however, it is
seat. Not that my teen would-
n’t drag my unconscious
body into the car anyway,
thereby meeting the “accom-
panied by a licensed adult”
clause in his permit.
Focus on the big picture
We’ll help the pieces fall into place
After reading “The Oregon
Parent Guide to Teen Driv-
ing,” I can tell you nowhere
in that pamphlet does it speci-
fy that “said adult” is to be
“conscious” or “buckled
and/or otherwise strapped in
of his own accord” while the
vehicle is in motion. Ideally
using all four wheels.
This is what is known as a
“technicality.” And trust me,
if there’s a way to use it to
their advantage, teenagers
will find it. That’s why I
spent extra time going
through this pamphlet, know-
ing it could be used against
me in a court of law. Or over
breakfast.
What I discovered is that
the person who wrote this
guide either a) never had
teenagers of their own, b)
grew up in the 1950s, or c)
probably grows his own mari-
juana.
One clue this pamphlet was
written by someone who has
never had a teenager in their
home is in the first sugges-
tion, which regards practice
driving: “Only practice when
both of you are in good
moods, and not for more than
30 minutes at a time.”
The last portion of that sen-
tence is the only thing that
makes any sense. That’s
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teenagers knows they are
rarely in a good mood for
more than 30 minutes at a
time anyway. So a 30-min-
utes-or-less limit is definitely
achievable.
The trick is finding them in
a good mood, then maintain-
ing it without things turning
into the “Fast and Furious.”
And by that I mean him driv-
ing too fast and me getting
furious.
With that in mind, I took it
upon myself to offer a few,
more realistic suggestions for
parents teaching their teen to
drive.
1) Set a good example. In
addition to checking the mir-
rors, seat position and signal
lights, I have started reciting
the Rosary whenever we go
for a practice drive. I find that
it adds a sense of reverence to
the occasion. Having your
priest come bless the vehicle
every time you leave the
driveway isn’t a bad idea
either, unless he stops return-
ing your calls like ours did.
2) Make your expectations
clear. Before your teen even
starts the engine, make it
clear that you expect to return
home alive. Even if it means
wrestling the steering wheel
away from him or her by
knocking them unconscious.
Explain to them how, as a
parent and licensed driver,
you are responsible for their
safety as well as the safety of
everyone else on the road, in
cross walks, waiting at bus
stops, eating at restaurants
with outdoor seating, and any
businesses that don’t current-
ly have a drive-thru.
3) Teach the rules of the
road. Just because your teen
passed his or her written test
doesn’t mean they know the
rules of the road.
For example, I know for
certain there is nothing on the
test explaining the Single
Scratch Rule: A single
scratch on a family car can
result in a teen driver having
their driving privileges
revoked for up to five years.
Or the Bring It Home On
Empty Rule, which states:
Any teen who brings the fam-
ily vehicle home with an
empty tank shall be required
to refill the tank by walking
to and from the farthest gas
station using a Dixie Cup.
And lastly,
4) Stress the importance of
proper parking. With so much
emphasis on driving, the
importance of knowing how
to park properly is often over-
looked. I am reminded of this
whenever I go grocery shop-
ping and come out to find my
car wedged between two
SUVs, forcing me to look as
though I’m performing a
David Blaine illusion just get-
ting back in.
Explain to your teen that
this is poor driver courtesy.
And how, as a courtesy to
other drivers, we have a
responsibility to fill the area
between those SUVs with as
many metal shopping carts as
we can.
So consider this your warn-
ing that our son has officially
passed his permit exam and
will soon be joining you on
the road! I say “you” because,
as of today, I will be taking
public transportation.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
Visit the Siuslaw News online at
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