6 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4, 2015
No butts about it, coffee choices are getting really weird
ly translated, means “Butt
Coffee.”
Ned
OK., I made that part up. It
Hickson
As some of you may
remember, I made a New
Year's resolution to quit
drinking coffee back in
January. Though I gave what
I feel was a strong effort, my
love of coffee eventually won
out following the most chal-
lenging four hours of my life.
So instead of denying myself
the pleasure I decided to fully
embrace my coffee!
Unless I’m driving.
In fact, I wanted to take it a
step further by expanding my
caffeinated horizons and
exploring what the world of
coffee has to offer!
As it turns out, this was a
huge mistake.
Elephant sized, actually.
But we’ll get to that.
Many of you probably
already know about a coffee
that is harvested from the
droppings of civet cats called
Kopi Luwak — which, loose-
actually means “coffee”
(Kopi) “weasel” (Luwak),
which isn't much better —
and a name advertising agen-
cies didn't rush to represent.
Although I think my slogan
Good to the last dropping had
potential.
For those of you who were
unaware of civet coffee until
now and who are, at this
moment, rushing to the sink
to spit out that off-brand you
grabbed from the bulk food
section, don’t worry! Chances
are you couldn’t afford this
marsupial-enhanced brew,
which averages $200 per
pound.
Now that you have spit out
your coffee for a second time,
I’ll give you a brief history of
Kopi Luwak so you can fully
appreciate something even
stranger. Let’s start with a lit-
tle history.
Bean growers on the
Indonesian islands of
Sumatra, Java and Sulawesi
Meek to speak at City Club
Austin Meek, sports colum-
nist for the Eugene Register-
Guard, will be the featured
speaker at City Club on Friday,
March 6.
Meek started as a sports
columnist at The Register-
Guard in October 2013 after
moving from Kansas City, Mo.
He worked previously at The
Topeka Capital-Journal and
graduated from Kansas State
University in 2008.
Come with friends and
neighbors to hear him speak
about the human side of
sports.
The City Club program will
begin at noon at Ocean Dunes
Golf Links, 3345 Munsel Lake
Road.
A limited lunch menu is
have long regarded civet cats
as pests because of their
propensity to climb coffee
bean trees, eat only the choic-
est berries, and talk incessant-
ly about their stock portfolios
— all while emitting a shrill
sound similar to an espresso
machine.
However, at some point,
someone suffering from the
biggest case of caffeine
addiction in the history of
man decided he was desperate
enough to “harvest” the civet
droppings as a way to get his
coffee fix. Though the trail
leading to the identity of this
“pioneer” is not complete,
coffee genealogists have
determined that it was some-
one visiting from the Seattle
area.
From those humble begin-
nings came Kopi Luwak, and
the inspiration for Canadian
investor Blake Dinkin's, uh...
“elephant-cured” Black Ivory
Coffee. Like its predecessor,
Black Ivory coffee beans are
harvested from droppings —
in this case, those left behind
by elephants that have con-
sumed coffee beans and sugar
cane.
Throw in some creamer
and who knows? Producers
might be able to streamline
the process and simply hand
out demi-tasse cups at the
source?
However, at a cost of $50
per cup — or $550 per pound
— Black Ivory Coffee is only
available at a select few luxu-
ry hotels within the Golden
Triangle of Asia, where the
coffee is produced. My guess
is probably each morning.
Sadly, it’s only a matter of
time before someone comes
up with an even more unique
“flavor profile” process
demanding an even higher
price, such as feeding Arabica
berries to gazelles, who are
then eaten by lions, whose
droppings are carefully har-
vested for beans by hand.
And “by hand” I mean sep-
arating beans from the hands
of harvesters who got too
close to the source.
I honestly don’t know what
direction the future of coffee
will take. What I DO know is
the potential market that
could open up for us here in
the Northwest, where pre-
digested black berry jam left
by bears can be found in
abundance along most log-
ging roads in the spring.
For anyone interested in
pursuing this venture, I wish
you the best. As for me, I'm
content in just bringing you
the straight poop.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
TSUNAMI SIREN WARNING
INFORMATION
If you are on the beach and the
Tsunami Sirens are activated, move to
high ground immediately and tune into
FM 106.9 KCST
If you are in the inundation zone and
the Tsunami Sirens are activated, you
should consider precautionary evacua-
tion to one of the assembly areas and
tune into FM 106.9 KCST
If you are not on the beach or in the
inundation zone, you do not need to take
any action
The All Clear “Westminster Chimes”
means the danger has passed for the
beach
COURTESY PHOTO
Austin Meek
*Valid for new patients only. Call for details. Expires 2/28/2015
DO NOT CALL 911
UNLESS YOU HAVE
AN EMERGENCY
available for purchase prior to
the program.
For more information, call
Roger Johnson at 541-902-
5135.
IRUPHUO\3UXGHQWLDO3DFL¿F3URSHUWLHV
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