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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 25, 2015)
12 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2015 After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover Last week was a tough one for the male persuasion. However, now that the “50 Shades” of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shell- shocked and checking for sur- vivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of “50 Shades,” we were also flanked by Valentine’s Day and word of a release date for “Magic Mike XXL.” We were out manned. Out gunned. And when compared to Christian Grey, in most cases we were probably... well, out maneuvered. In the aftermath of this three-pronged attack on our general manhood, only the strong have survived. Plus maybe that guy too busy play- ing “Assassin’s Creed” in his mother’s basement. Whatever the case, men are now regrouping for a counter offensive. Something that will “shock and awe” the women in our lives into surrendering — at least in terms of the total- ly unrealistic expectations that I N BRIEF Soroptimists selling roses to benefit local students Tickets for the annual Soroptimist Rose Sale are available now through March 25, for $20 per dozen. Delivery will be April 29. Proceeds fund the scholar- ships awarded to local stu- dents. Roses can be delivered to the recipient at home or work. Tickets can be purchased from any Soroptimist or by calling Jo Hine at 541-997- 2233. Library Friends host board meeting The Friends of the Siuslaw Public Library will hold its monthly board meeting Thursday, Feb. 26, at 11 a.m., in the Bromley Room at the library. All members and anyone interested in supporting the library or learning more about the Friends is invited to attend. Refreshments are provided. The purpose of the FOL is to support the Siuslaw Public Library. For more information, email siuslawlibraryfriends@ gmail.com. Get tickets for Fraudville show This year’s Fraudville lip- sync competition will once again be held at Three Rivers Casino and Resort to benefit the Boys and Girls Club. The competition will be Saturday, Feb. 28, and tickets (age 21 and older only) are $25. For a limited time only, VIP reserved-table seating, up close to the action, are on sale for only $50 each. VIP tickets are sold only in advance at Coast Insurance, Oregon Pacific Bank, Siuslaw News and at the Boys and Girls Club. British Car Club rolls into Florence The Central Oregon Coast British Car Club will hold its monthly breakfast meeting, rain or shine, on Saturday, Feb. 28, starting at 9 a.m., at Kozy Kitchen Restaurant, 820 Highway 101 in Florence. Come and meet the club officers and friends. Anyone with an interest in British vehi- cles, is welcome. For more information, call 541-997-7354. Follow S IUSLAW N EWS on Facebook dard of beauty and sexuality is a daily occurrence for women everywhere. Yes, we know men are largely responsible for this. But will you please stop thinking about yourselves and your own needs for one minute? Sheesh! Besides, this is totally different because, uh... we’re men. In the wake of the unrealis- tic standards set for men last week, I have taken it upon myself as a representative of men everywhere (we voted) to name a few unrealistic stan- dards that have now been set by “Christian Grey” and “Magic Mike,” and compared them with reality. My hope is that it will provide some much-needed levity to a situa- tion that is a threatening to upset the natural balance of things. 1) Christian Grey has a “toy room” for his menagerie of devices for dispensing pain and pleasure that pushes women to their sexual limits. Realistically speaking, most men have a toy room for essentially the same purpose! Mixing pain with pleasure! It’s just that there’s generally an X-Box involved, and get- ting us to stop playing often pushes women to the limits of their patience. 2) Magic Mike’s chiseled physique causes women to go crazy and give him money while dancing at the club. Under the same circum- stances, the average man could strip at a dance club and also get money. Yes, probably for bail, but I think you're missing the point. 3) One of the main attrac- tions to Christian Grey is his mystique. Women want to know what motivates him and why he does the things he does. Let’s be honest, ladies: Don't you already ask yourself that question regarding the man in your life? And lastly, 4) Sure, Magic Mike looks good removing his clothes as a fireman, police officer, con- struction worker, doctor, Benihana chef — but have you stopped to wonder where he might’ve gotten all those uniforms? Obviously, he’s a man who can’t hold down a job. Nothing sexy about that. While it’s been a tough week to be a man, I do sup- pose the experience has helped us understand a little better what women go through on a daily basis in a world were the glass ceiling is often a magnifying glass focused on their imperfections. And boy, have we learned our lesson! Loud and clear! So, uh... now can we get back to how things were? Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK have now been set for us men. Ned Yes, we realize trying to Hickson live up to an unrealistic stan-