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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2015
Men, show your love this Valentine’s Day by looking foolish
Millions of years later,
Ned
though the risk of being eaten
Hickson by a large predator is relative-
ly low (not counting cougar
attacks), men still fear that
their attempt to express love
could lead to a fate worse than
death: Embarrassment.
That’s because many men
instinctively think of express-
ing love the same way they do
everything else — as a compe-
tition. And as with any compe-
tition, there is a winner and a
loser.
Lose a basketball or card
game? You can still look
manly doing it. But lose your
dignity by coming up with a
really lame poem...
Since the dawn of time,
man has feared Valentine’s
Day. I’m a journalist, so you
can trust my facts on this. And
because I’m a man, you can
also trust me when I tell you
our fear isn’t because we don’t
want to express feelings of
love and romance; it’s because
we are afraid of looking stupid
while doing so.
This fear has been docu-
mented as far back as prehis-
toric times, in a pair of cave
drawings paleontologists say
depicts a caveman named
“Glork” trying to court a cave-
woman.
Without you,
I am but a wingless bee
Fat and buzzless
For all eternit-yy
Image one: To demonstrate
his masculinity and win a
cavewoman’s
affections,
Glork fights a saber-toothed
lion
Image two: Glork is eaten
...and most men would
rather cover themselves in A1
Steak Sauce and jump into a
lion's cage at the zoo. As a
result, men everywhere are
panicking because we know
that impressing the women in
our lives isn’t easy. We realize
that you are complicated crea-
tures who need more than a
physical connection when it
comes to romance; you also
need an emotional outlet.
Men, on the other hand, just
need an outlet located near a
television.
It’s not that we don’t want
to be romantic. We just have a
hard time allowing ourselves
to become THAT vulnerable
again so soon after the Super
Bowl.
Ironically — and what most
men fail to realize — is that
oftentimes a man’s willing-
ness to look foolish for the
sake of love IS the gesture
women find most romantic. In
fact, the more foolish your
attempt, the greater the roman-
tic impact. It took me a long
time to figure out this
love/foolishness
equation
which, mathematically speak-
ing, makes me the most
romantic man on the planet.
So when it comes to
Valentine’s Day, go ahead and
write that terrible love haiku:
when there isn’t romance
involved.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available at Port Hole
Books and Amazon Books. Write
to him at nedhickson@icloud.com
The
When I see your face
I really want to kiss it
And I like pasta
Chick en Coop
Or plan a Flash Mob for
your secret crush at her work
place, even though you can’t
dance and having your fellow
inmates suddenly start twerk-
ing in the prison yard could
get someone shot.
(Disclaimer: The same
goes for twerking anywhere,
actually.)
Men, the bottom line is that
however you decide to express
it, say “I Love You” this
Valentine’s Day by facing
your fear and showing your
willingness to look foolish for
love.
Let’s be honest, it’s not like
acting foolish is something we
don't normally do anyway
I N BRIEF
O N M A P L E
We have Valentine Gifts
for your Sweetheart!
129 Maple Street , Old Town Florence
541-991-7739
A SWEETHEART of a selection for your SWEETHEART!
Oregon Coast.
Garden Club meetings are
held at the Presbyterian
Church of the Siuslaw, 3996
Highway 101 North.
Social time starts at 12:30
p.m., followed by the speaker
at 1 p.m., and the business
meeting at 2 p.m.
The public is welcome.
Kiwanis selling candy
Kiwanis is now selling now
through Valentine’s Day,
Monday through Saturday, 9
a.m. to 6 p.m., and Sunday
from noon to 3 p.m., in the
Sears showroom at Sixth
Street and Highway 101.
Proceeds go to the Kiwanis
programs like Community
Thanksgiving Dinner,
Florence Food Share, Boys
and Girls Club, scholarships,
and more.
Humane Society
hosts dinner Friday
The Florence Area Humane
Society will be celebrating
February holidays on Friday,
Feb. 13.
There will be dancing and a
raffle for prizes.
Tickets are $10 and are
available at The FAHS Thrift
Shop, FAHS Shelter, Three
Rivers Casino, Raining Cats
and Dogs, Mary Ann’s Natural
Pet, and On Your Feet with a
Splash, as well as other places.
LCC seeks volunteers
for ESL program
The English as a Second
Language (ESL) program at
Lane Community College
Florence Center is in need of
volunteers.
On Monday evenings from
6:30 to 8:30 p.m., ESL needs
one volunteer to help a student
study for the citizenship test.
Thursday mornings, 10 a.m.
to noon, a volunteer is needed
to help mid-level ESL stu-
dents with English conversa-
tion.
For more information, call
the LCC Florence Center at
541-997-8444, ext. 4835.
Women Vets to meet
Friday
The
Coastal
Women
Veterans will hold its monthly
luncheon at Homegrown
Public House, 294 Laurel
Street in Old Town, on Feb. 13,
at 11:30 a.m.
Email Rita Cadagin at fish-
travel@hotmail.com if you
plan on attending.
All women veterans are
invited and encouraged to
attend.
Poetry Group meets
Wednesdays
Friemds of Poetry meets
every Wednesday from 3 to 5
p.m., in the activity room at
Shorewood Retirement
Center, 1451 Spruce St.
All are welcome.
For more information, call
541-991-7556.
Celebrate civil, equal
rights Friday
On Friday, Feb. 13, in the
Siuslaw Public Library’s
Bromley Room, on Ninth St, in
Florence, from 3.30 to 5 p.m..
there will be a program called
Images of Indigenous
Inhabitants.
It will include an audio/visu-
al presentation of worldwide
migration and rock art images;
Garden Club to hear
from beekeepers
The Florence Garden Club
will meet today, Feb. 11, when
John and Ann Evanson, bee-
keepers for five years, will
talk about keeping bees on the
history of Confederated Tribes
of Coos, Lower Umpqua and
Siuslaw
indians;
2015
American Indian children with
narration, singing, drumming
and dancing.
The program is free and
open to all ages. It will includes
snacks and drinks.
The event is sponsored by
KXCR, 90.7 FM, educational
community radio in Florence.
Us TOO prostate
cancer support
The next meeting of the Us
TOO Florence Prostate Cancer
Education/Support
Lunch
Bunch is Tuesday, Feb. 17, at
the Kozy Kitchen Restaurant,
from noon to 1 p.m.
This is an excellent source of
prostate cancer information
with Urologist Dr. Doug Hoff
and prostate cancer survivors
in attendance. Bring questions
and get answers, or just come
to enjoy lunch, listen and learn.
For more information, call
Bob Horney at 541-999-4239.
Wednesday, Feb. 18, at 7 p.m.,
at the port office, located at 100
Harbor Street in Florence.
Port of Siuslaw to
discuss moorage fees
Pl
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Galle e Jewelry
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Turq ass Art
Gl
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Pend
Bowl for the Cure at
Holiday Bowl Feb. 21
Bowl at Holiday Bowl on
Saturday Feb. 21, from 1 to 3
p.m.,. and play three games for
$10 — with $5 going to cancer
research for a cure. Get friends
together for a fun time and help
the American Cancer Society.
The event is sponsered by
Holiday Bowl and the Central
Oregon Coast Bowling Assoc.
Silver Sand Dollar
Gift Items
and MORE
ON SALE!
Gallery Jewelry and Gifts
1499 Bay Street
(Old Port Building)
541-997-0111
Closed Tuesday and Wednesday
HOLLOWAY & ASSOCATIONS, LLC
CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANTS
Focused on Your Financial Health...Protecting Your Assets
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Rhododendron
Society to meet
The Siuslaw Chapter of the
American
Rhododendron
Society will meet Tuesday,
Feb. 17, at 6.30 p.m.
Guest speaker Dave Eckerdt
will discuss North American
native plants from the
Himalayas.
The public is invited to come
to the Presbyterian Church of
the Siuslaw, 3996 Highway
101 in Florence.
For more information, call
541-997-3082 or visit www.
siuslawars.org.
Sterling Silver Jewelry at a
fraction of the price that other stores charge
Tax Consulting & Preparation
Bookkeeping and Accounting Services
Payroll Services
Karla D. Holloway, CPA
Rod McCulloch, CPA
Eldercare & Senior Services
Bill Paying, Reconcilling Bank Accounts, Income and Expenditures
Summary, Domestic Payroll, Year end Tax Planning and Preparation
Call NOW
For Your
Complimentary
Consultation!
541-997-3434
karla@fl orencecpas.com
1625 12th Street • Florence, Oregon 97439
Serving Florence for 36 Years!
GET SPOILED
FROM HEAD
TO TOE
Sit back and enjoy a spa
The Port of Siuslaw Board
of Commissioners will hold its
February regular meeting
mani-pedi, deluxe facial or any
of our pampering salon services.
Everything
Sweetheart
is Happening at Spruce Point in February
Spruce Point Assisted Living & Memory Care invites you to our
Sweetheart’s Social
Wednesday, February 18th
3pm
Join us for Live Country Music with Russ and Ron.
Stay for a tour and dinner afterwards.
Be sure to inquire about our Move-in Specials.
Please contact Rachel or Annette
for more information.
541-997-6111
rkilfoy@prestigecare.com
aposton@prestigecare.com
Now Offering Shellac Gel Manicures
Only $20
Paraffi n Pedicure
Enjoy a no-chip fi nish for up to two full weeks!
only $40
Skin Care | Massage | Nail Care | Waxing | Hair Care
Beauty Products | Gift Cards
375 9th St
Florence, OR 97439
www.spruce-point.com
KT SALON
180 Laurel Street
Old Town Florence 541-999-2801
www.kt-salon.com